Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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00:19¶¶
00:40You look smart, Mr Blackadder, going somewhere nice.
00:43No, I'm off to the theatre.
00:46Don't you like it, then?
00:47No, I don't.
00:48A lot of stupid actors strutting around, shouting with their chests thrust out so far,
00:54you'd think their nipples were attached to a pair of charging elephants.
00:57And the worst thing about it is having to go with Prince Mini-Brain.
01:01What, doesn't he like it either?
01:03No, no, he loves it. The problem is he doesn't realise it's made up.
01:06Last year, when Brutus was about to kill Julius Caesar,
01:09the prince yelled out,
01:11Look behind you, Mr Caesar.
01:14I can't see the point in the theatre.
01:16All that sex and violence.
01:18I'll get enough of that at home.
01:20Top of the sex, of course.
01:22And while we're out, Maldrick, I want you to give this palace a good clean.
01:26It's so dirty, it'll be unacceptable to a dung beetle
01:29that had lost interest in its career and really let itself go.
01:33Come on, Blackadder. We'll miss your first act.
01:36Coming, sir, as fast as I can.
01:39Stick the kettle on, Maldrick.
01:42Now, sir, give I this advice to thee.
01:46Never, never, never trust thine enemy.
01:48Ah!
01:50Ah!
01:54Ah!
01:57Ah!
01:59Ah!
01:59Thy life is forfeited.
02:00Ah!
02:02Ah!
02:03Ah!
02:05Thy life is forfeited, sir,
02:07and at an end,
02:08like our poor play.
02:11We hope it pleased you,
02:13friend.
02:15Certainly not,
02:16you murdering rotter!
02:17Gods!
02:18Arrest that man!
02:19Minus, it's only a play.
02:21Oh, well, that's all very well,
02:22but what about the poor fellow who's dead?
02:24Saying it's only a play,
02:25will not feed and clothe the little ones he leaves behind.
02:28Call the militia!
02:28But, sir, he's not dead.
02:30See, he stands awaiting your applause.
02:33Oh, I say, that's very clever.
02:36Who's really dead?
02:37Oh, bravo!
02:37Bravo!
02:40Blast the prince likes it.
02:43Oh, shit.
02:44We'll close tonight.
02:46For the windows!
02:48Smash the spinning jenny!
02:49Burn the rolling Rosalind!
02:51Destroy the going up and down a bit
02:53and then moving along Gertrude!
02:55And death to the stupid prince
02:56who grows fat on their profits!
02:58I say, how exciting!
03:00This play's getting better and better!
03:01Brother, no!
03:04It's not a play anymore, sir.
03:08Put the bomb down
03:10and make your way quietly to the exit.
03:13Blackadder, you old thing!
03:14You old Germanese,
03:15you can't tell when something's real
03:16and when it's not!
03:21I must say, Blackadder,
03:22that was a close shave.
03:24Why on earth
03:25would an anarchist
03:26possibly want to kill you?
03:31I think it might have been you
03:32he was after, sir.
03:34Oh, hogwash!
03:35What on earth makes you say that?
03:36Well, my suspicions were first aroused
03:38by his use of the words
03:39death to the stupid prince.
03:43It was a bit rude, wasn't it?
03:45These are volatile times,
03:46your highness.
03:47The American Revolution
03:48lost your father,
03:49the colonies,
03:50the French Revolution
03:51murdered brave King Louis
03:52and there are tremendous
03:53rumblings in Prussia.
03:55Although that might be
03:56something to do
03:56with the sausages.
03:58The whole world cries out
04:00peace, freedom
04:01and a few less fat bastards
04:02eating all the pie.
04:05Well, yes, quite.
04:06I mean, something must be done.
04:07Any ideas?
04:08Yes, sir.
04:09Next week,
04:10it is your royal father's
04:11birthday celebrations.
04:13I suggest that I write
04:14a brilliant speech
04:15for you to recite
04:16to show the oppressed masses
04:18how unusually sensitive you are.
04:22Look, tell me about
04:23these oppressed masses.
04:24What are they so worked up about?
04:25They're worked up, sir,
04:26because they're so poor
04:27they are forced to have children
04:29simply to provide
04:30a cheap alternative
04:31to turkey at Christmas.
04:36Disease and deprivation
04:37stalk our land
04:39like two giant
04:40stalking things.
04:43And the working man
04:44is poised to overthrow us.
04:46Oh, my God!
04:47And here he is!
04:49Don't be silly, sir.
04:50That's Baldrick,
04:51my dog's body.
04:52What's silly about that?
04:52He looks like an oppressed
04:53mass to me.
04:54Get him out of here at once!
04:55Shoo, Baldrick.
04:56Carry on with your
04:57cleaning elsewhere.
04:58And by the end of tonight,
04:59I want that dining table
05:00so clean I could eat
05:01my dinner off it.
05:05Crikey, Blackadder.
05:06I'm dicing with death here.
05:08The sooner I can show
05:09how unusually sensitive
05:10I am, the better.
05:12Oh, I've just had
05:14another brilliant thought.
05:16Another one,
05:16your highness?
05:17Yes, another one, actually.
05:19You remember that one
05:20I had about wearing
05:21underwear on the outside
05:22to save on laundry bills?
05:23Well, at this time,
05:25I'm thinking to myself,
05:26hello, why don't we ask
05:27those two actor chappies
05:28we saw tonight
05:28to teach me
05:29how to recite your speech?
05:30Brilliant, eh?
05:31No, your highness, feeble.
05:34What?
05:35I would advise against it.
05:36It's a feeble idea.
05:38Well, tish and pish
05:39to your advice, Blackadder.
05:40Get them here at once.
05:42Dammit, I'm fed up
05:42when you're treating me
05:43as if I'm some kind of a thicky.
05:45It's not me that's thick,
05:46it's you.
05:46Do you know why?
05:47Because I'm a bloody prince
05:48and you're only a butler.
05:50And we don't get those actors
05:51this minute,
05:51Mr. Thicky,
05:52Black Thicky,
05:54Adder Thicky.
06:05Listen, Meggins,
06:06I'm looking for a couple of actors.
06:08Well, you've come
06:09to the right place, Mr. B.
06:10There's more Shakespearean dialogue
06:12in here than there are buns.
06:15Oh, my lovely actors
06:16pop in on their way
06:18to Recastle
06:18for a little cup of coffee
06:20and a big dollop of inspiration.
06:23You mean they actually rehearse?
06:25I thought they just got drunk,
06:27stuck on a silly hat
06:28and trusted to luck.
06:30No, there's ever so much hard work
06:33goes into the wonderful magic
06:36that is theatre today.
06:38Still, I don't expect
06:40you'd know much about that,
06:41being only a little butler.
06:45They do say, Mrs. M,
06:46that verbal insults
06:48hurt more than physical pain.
06:49They are, of course, wrong,
06:51as you will soon discover.
06:53Can I stick this toasting fork
06:55in your head?
06:57Please, gentlemen,
06:59will you please welcome
07:00Mr. David Keenry.
07:02And the fabulous
07:04Mr. Enoch Mothler.
07:06Gentlemen, gentlemen.
07:06Oh, settle down, settle down.
07:09I'm sorry, no autographs.
07:10By usual, Mrs. Enoch Mothler.
07:13Oh, coming up, my lovely.
07:14Well, if I can just squeeze through
07:16this admiring rubble.
07:20Gentlemen,
07:21I've come with a proposition.
07:23How dare you, sir?
07:24You think, just because we're actors,
07:27we sleep with everyone.
07:28I think, being actors,
07:30you're looking to sleep with anyone.
07:32I come here on behalf of my employer
07:34to ask for some elocution lessons.
07:38Yeah, sir,
07:38that is quite impossible.
07:40We are in the middle
07:41of rehearsing our new play.
07:43We could not possibly
07:44betray our beloved audience
07:46by taking time off.
07:47Oh, no.
07:48Mustn't upset the punters.
07:50Bums on seats, laddie.
07:51Bums on seats.
07:53And what play is this?
07:56It is a piece we penned ourselves
07:58called The Bloody Murder
08:00of the Foul Prince Romero
08:02and his enormous bosomed wife.
08:07A philosophical work, then.
08:09Indeed, yes, sir.
08:11The violence of the murder
08:13and the vastness of the bosom
08:14are entirely justified, artistically.
08:17Right.
08:18Well, I'll tell the prince
08:19that you can't make it.
08:20The prince?
08:21Sorry, yes.
08:21Didn't I mention that?
08:22It's the prince regent.
08:23Shame he can't make it.
08:24Still.
08:25No, no, no, no, sir, please.
08:27No, please wait, sir.
08:29Off, off.
08:31Sir, I think we can
08:32find some time,
08:34do you not, Mr. Keenry?
08:35Definitely, Mr. Lawson.
08:36No, no, you've got
08:37your beloved audience
08:38to think about, eh?
08:39Oh, sod the prose, we'll find out.
08:42Yes, worthless bastards to a man.
08:45Well, it's nice to see
08:46artistic integrity
08:47thriving so strongly in the end.
08:49Well, this afternoon at four,
08:51then, at the palace.
08:56Well, what do you think?
08:58Are you ill or something?
09:00No, I was simply
09:01trying to look more like an actor.
09:03Well, I'm sure you don't
09:04need the false moustache.
09:06No?
09:06No.
09:07No!
09:07Oh!
09:08Oh!
09:10He guards!
09:11It's overpressed mass again!
09:14No, sir, that is Baldrick's
09:16spring cleaning.
09:18Oh, yes, so it is.
09:19Finish the job later, Baldrick.
09:21Very well, sir.
09:22The cleaning or the being strangled?
09:25Either suits me.
09:28Look, Blackadder,
09:29this is all getting a bit hairy,
09:30isn't it?
09:30I mean, are you sure
09:31we can even trust
09:32these acting fellows?
09:33Last time he went to the theatre,
09:34three of them murdered Julius Caesar.
09:36One of them was his best friend,
09:38Brutus.
09:39As I have told you
09:40about eight times,
09:42the man playing Julius Caesar
09:44was an actor
09:45called Kemp.
09:47Really?
09:48Yes.
09:49Thundering gherkins.
09:50Well, Brutus must have been
09:52pretty miffed when he found out.
09:54What?
09:55That he hadn't killed Caesar
09:56after all,
09:57just some poxy actor
09:58called Kemp.
09:59The only thing he did,
10:00go round to Caesar's place
10:01after the play
10:01and kill him then.
10:03Oh, God, it's pathetic.
10:11Is that the door?
10:12Oh, don't worry,
10:13it's just the actors.
10:15My Uncle Baldrick
10:16was in a play once.
10:17Really?
10:18Yeah, it was called Macbeth.
10:21And what did he play?
10:23Second codpiece.
10:27Macbeth wore him
10:28in the fight scenes.
10:31So he was a stunt codpiece.
10:37Did he have a large part?
10:44Depends who was playing Macbeth.
10:47Now, incidentally, Baldrick,
10:48actors are very superstitious.
10:50On no account
10:51mention the word
10:51Macbeth this evening,
10:53all right?
10:53Why not?
10:54It brings them bad luck
10:55and it makes them
10:56very unhappy.
10:57Oh, so you won't
10:58be mentioning it either?
11:00No.
11:01Well, not very often.
11:06You should have knocked.
11:07Oh, nox, you impertinent butler,
11:10were loud enough
11:11to wake the hounds of hell.
11:14Lead on, my girl.
11:16I shall.
11:22Lest you continue
11:23in your quotation
11:24and mention the name
11:25of the Scottish play.
11:27Oh, never fear,
11:28I shan't do that.
11:30By the Scottish play,
11:32I assume you mean
11:33Macbeth.
11:35Oh, potato,
11:36hawkish saws,
11:37but will make amends.
11:39What was that?
11:41You were exercising
11:42evil spirits.
11:44Being but a mere butler,
11:45you will not know
11:46the great theatre tradition
11:47that one does never
11:49speak the name
11:50of the Scottish play.
11:52What, Macbeth?
11:53Oh, potato,
11:55hawkish saws,
11:55but will make amends.
11:58Oh, do you mean
11:58you have to do that
11:59every time I say
12:00Macbeth?
12:01Hot potato,
12:02hawkish saws,
12:03but will make amends.
12:06Will you please
12:07stop saying that?
12:09Always call it
12:10the Scottish play.
12:11So you want me to say
12:12the Scottish play?
12:13Yes!
12:14Rather than Macbeth.
12:15Hot potato,
12:16hawkish saws,
12:17but will make amends.
12:19Say, what is all this
12:20hullabaloo,
12:21all this shouting
12:22and screaming
12:22and yelling
12:23blue murder?
12:24Why, it's like
12:25the play we saw
12:25the other day,
12:26what was it called?
12:27Macbeth, sir?
12:28Hot potato,
12:29straw,
12:30pack of make amends.
12:32No, no, no, no,
12:33it was called
12:34Julius Caesar.
12:35Oh, yes, of course.
12:36Julius Caesar.
12:38Not Macbeth.
12:40Hot potato,
12:41straw,
12:42pack of make amends.
12:45Are you sure
12:45you want these people
12:46to stay?
12:47Of course,
12:47I asked them,
12:48didn't I,
12:48Mr. Thickey Butler?
12:51Your Royal Highness,
12:51may I say
12:52what a great honour
12:53it is to be invited.
12:54Why, certainly.
12:55Oh, what a great honour
12:57that it is
12:58to be invited here
12:59to make Mary
13:00in the halls
13:01of our King's Loinsmiths
13:03glorious outpouring.
13:07Now, Your Highness,
13:09shall we begin
13:09straight away?
13:10Absolutely, yes.
13:11Now, I've got this, uh...
13:12Now, before we inspect
13:13the script,
13:14let us have
13:15a look at stance.
13:17Right.
13:18Yes.
13:19Now, the ordinary fellow
13:20stands, like,
13:21well, as you do now.
13:23Whereas,
13:24your hero
13:26stands last.
13:28Right.
13:29Eyes are sort of like this.
13:31Excellent choice.
13:33Even more so.
13:34Oh, oh.
13:35Sort of like that.
13:40What's that noise?
13:41It wasn't me.
13:44We are used
13:45to standing
13:45in this position.
13:49Came from over here.
13:53Anarchist!
13:54Cleaner!
13:55All right, sir,
13:55you've had a wash.
13:56That's no excuse.
13:57Die!
13:59Sir, that is
14:00Baldrick's
14:00spring cleaning.
14:01Look at this.
14:02Look, he's got a bomb.
14:03It's not a bomb, sir.
14:04It's a sponge.
14:06Oh, yes, sir, it is.
14:07Well, get it out of here
14:08at once
14:08before it explodes.
14:12I'm sorry about that.
14:14I think we really
14:14had something there.
14:15Oh, yes,
14:16your highness.
14:17Why, your very posture
14:18tells me here
14:19is a man
14:20of true greatness.
14:22Either that
14:22or here are my genitals.
14:24Please.
14:28Sir,
14:29I really must ask
14:31that this ill-educated
14:32oaf
14:33be removed
14:33from the room.
14:34Yes, get out, sir.
14:36Your presence here
14:37is as useful
14:37as fine-boned china
14:39at a tea party
14:40for drunken elephants.
14:41Is that right?
14:42Well, yes, hang it on.
14:43Get out, Blackadder
14:44and stop
14:44corking our juices.
14:46Certainly, your highness.
14:47I'll leave you
14:48to dribble in private.
14:53Something wrong, Mr. B?
14:55I'm just about
14:55headed up to here
14:56with that, prince.
14:57One more insult
14:58and I'll be handing in
14:58my notice.
14:59Oh, does that mean
15:00I'll be butler?
15:01Not unless
15:02some kindly passing surgeon
15:04cuts your head open
15:04with a spade
15:05and sticks
15:06a new brain in it.
15:07Oh, no.
15:08I don't know
15:08why I put up with it.
15:09I really don't.
15:11Every year
15:11at the Guild
15:12of Butler's Christmas Party,
15:14I'm the one
15:14who has to wear
15:15the red nose
15:15and the pointy hat
15:16for winning
15:17the Who's Got
15:18the Stupidest
15:18Master competition.
15:20All I can say
15:21is he'd better
15:22watch out.
15:23One more foot wrong
15:24and the contract
15:25between us
15:25will be as broken
15:26as this milk jug.
15:28But that milk jug
15:28isn't broken.
15:30You really do
15:30walk into these things,
15:31don't you?
15:39Excellent.
15:40And now, sir,
15:41at last,
15:42the speech.
15:43Right.
15:46No, no, no,
15:48no, no,
15:48Your Royal Highness.
15:50What have you
15:51forgotten?
15:52Oh, now, look,
15:53if I stand
15:54any more heroically
15:55than this,
15:55I'm in danger
15:56of seriously
15:56disappointing
15:57my future queen.
15:59No, Your Highness,
16:00not the stance.
16:02The roar.
16:04You want me to roar?
16:05Well, of course,
16:06we wish you to roar.
16:08All great oristers
16:09roar before
16:10commencing their speeches.
16:12It is the way of things.
16:14Now, Mr. Kleinrich,
16:15from your hamlet, please.
16:21War, to be or not to be.
16:27From your Julius Caesar.
16:33War, friends,
16:35Romans, countrymen.
16:39And from your leading character
16:41in a play connected with Scotland.
16:44That's Macbeth, isn't it?
16:45Ah!
16:47Hot potatoes
16:47off as a stall's
16:48but to make a man.
16:49Ah!
16:50Ah!
16:51Ah!
16:52Aw!
16:53Aw!
16:55Aw!
16:55Aw!
16:57Then all
16:57and all together,
16:58shall we?
17:00One,
17:01two,
17:02three!sun!
17:06Sometimes it's
17:08huge! Excellent, hiswine.
17:09Now it's
17:10only time putting it
17:11all together, right.
17:18I'm accustomed as I am
17:24And as I hear you
17:26Mew it like a frightened tree
17:30May I see the speech
17:36Oh no no no
17:42Who wrote this dribble
17:45Oh
17:49Is there a problem with the speech
17:53Well yes
17:55There is a problem actually
17:56The problem is that you wrote it
17:58Mr. Hopelessly dribbly
18:00Can't write for toffee crappy
18:02Butler weed
18:09Whoops
18:14Come on for a supper sir
18:16Yes
18:17Preferably something that has first passed
18:19Through the digestive system of the cat
18:22And you have to take it up yourself
18:24Why?
18:25Because I'm leaving Bordrick
18:26I'm about to enter the job market
18:29Right let's see
18:31The situation is vacant
18:34Mr. and Mrs. Pitt are looking for a baby minder
18:37To take Pitt the Younger to Parliament
18:41Mr. Philical George Stevenson has invented a moving kettle
18:44Not someone to help with the marketing
18:48Oh there's a foreign opportunity here
18:51Treacherous malicious unprincipled cad
18:53Preferably non-smoker
18:55Wanted to be king of Sardinia
18:58No time wasters please
19:00By Napoleon Bonaparte
19:03P.O. Box 1
19:04Paris
19:05We're on our way
19:11About costume
19:14Any thoughts
19:15Well
19:16Enormous trousers
19:18Certainly
19:19And then I thought perhaps
19:20An admiral's uniform
19:21Because we know what all the nice girls love
19:23Don't we
19:25I tell you what
19:26Why don't I go and try them on for you
19:28Oh a super idea
19:30Help yourselves to wine
19:31You'll need a stiff drink
19:32When you see the size of these damn trails
19:36Oh my dear
19:37What a ghastly evening
19:38You're so right love
19:40Look
19:40While he's gone
19:41Why don't we have a quick read through
19:43Of the murder of Prince Romero
19:45And his enormous
19:46Debozzling
19:47Act 1
19:48Scene 1
19:49Springer's calm with all his gentle showers
19:52Methinks it is time to hack the prince to death
19:55Baudric
19:56I would like to say
19:57How much I will miss
19:58Your honest and friendly companionship
20:00Oh
20:01Thank you Mr B
20:02Well as we both know
20:03It would be an utter lie
20:06I will therefore confine myself
20:07To saying simply
20:08Sod off
20:11If I meet you again
20:12It'll be 20 billion years too soon
20:16Goodbye you lazy big nose
20:17Rubber face bastard
20:26I fear Baudric
20:27That you will soon be eating
20:28Those badly chosen words
20:30I wouldn't bet you
20:32A single groat
20:33That you could survive
20:34Five minutes here without me
20:36Oh come on Mr B
20:37It's not as though
20:38We're going to get murdered
20:39Or anything the minute you leave
20:40Is it
20:40Hope springs eternal
20:42Baudric
20:45Coming
20:47Oh
20:49Let's kill the prince
20:50He shall strike first
20:52Let me
20:54And let this dagger's point
20:56Prick out his soft eyeball
20:58And sup with glee
21:01Upon its exquisite jelly
21:05Have you the stomach?
21:07I have not killed him yet sir
21:09But when I do
21:10I shall have the stomach
21:12And the liver too
21:14And the flopply dopplis
21:18In their horrid gloom
21:20What if a servant
21:21Should hear us
21:22In our plotting?
21:24Ha ha!
21:25Then shall we have
21:26Servant sausages
21:28For tea
21:30And servant ristles
21:32Shall our supper be
21:37murder murder the revolution started what a plot a plot to kill you oh so you've come clean at last
21:45have you you bloody little poor person no not me the actors downstairs they're anarchists anarchists
21:51yeah i heard them plotting they're gonna poke out your liver turn me into wrist hole and then suck
21:55on your exquisite floppy doppelies what are we gonna do well mr blackadder says when the going
22:01gets tough the tough hide under the table well of course well where is he oh he's in sardinia
22:08what why well you were rude to him so he left oh no what a mad blundering incredibly handsome young
22:16linker group i've been oh what are we gonna do if we go downstairs they'll chop us up and eat
22:20us alive
22:35good evening oh four minutes 22 seconds warwick you owe me a groat
22:43god i hear we desperately need you oh me sir mr thicky black thicky adder
22:49just a hopelessly drivily can't write for toffee crappy butler
22:54yes mr brilliantly undervalued butler who hasn't had a raise in a fortnight
23:00take an extra thousand guineas per month all right what's your problem
23:07the actors have turned out to be vicious anarchists they intend to kill us all
23:11what are they going to bore us to death no no no no stab us baldrick overheard them i did
23:16are you sure they meant it oh i'm quite sure baldrick how far apart were their legs oh this far
23:20yeah and their nipples that far all right sir i'll see what i can do to torture him i lust
23:28let's singe his hair and up his nostrils hot bananas thrust
23:37rehearsal's going well gentlemen be gone a mere butler with the intellectual capacity of a squashed
23:43apricot can be of no use to us indeed yes sir your participation is as irritating
23:49as a potted cactus in a monkey's pajamas well in that case i won't interrupt you any longer
23:57sorry to disturb gentlemen
24:03oh blackadder thank god you're safe what happened sir there was no need to panic it was all perfectly
24:09straightforward well they're traitors sir they must be arrested brutally tortured and executed forthwith
24:20but your highness there's been a terrible mistake that's what they were bound to say sir
24:27a play look all the words you heard written down on that paper textbook stuff again you see the
24:33criminals vanity always makes them make one tiny but fatal mistake theirs was to have their entire
24:39conspiracy printed and published in play manuscript
24:42and take them away we beg for mercy mercy please i've only got one thing to say to you macbeth
24:55well done bladder how could i ever thank you well you can start by not calling me bladder sir
25:02macbeth of course bladder no sooner said than done no hard feelings no absolute answer it's good to be
25:07back in the saddle did i say saddle i meant harness bravo so we're the best of friends as ever
25:14we were
25:15absolutely so hurrah in fact now that the evil mossop and keenrick have got their comeuppance
25:20the drury lane theater is free i thought we might celebrate by staging a little play that i've written
25:25oh what an excellent idea and with my newfound acting skills might there be a part in it for me
25:31do you
25:31think i was hoping that you might play the title role sir what a roaringly good idea what's the play
25:36called thick jack clots sits in the stocks and gets pelted with rancid tomatoes excellent
25:55uh
25:56uh
25:56uh
25:56uh
25:57uh
26:24Black adder...
26:27Like Adam
26:29Like Adam
26:31Like Adam
26:33Adam
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