Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #britishcomedy #classiccomedy #mrbean #ukcomedy #comedygold #sitcom #retrotv #baldrick #blackadderedit #90scomedy #80scomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #comedyshow #britishtv #vintagecomedy #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #classicbritishcomedy #legendaryshows #comedymoments #sarcasm #historicalcomedy #dailymotion #tvclassics #iconicshows #retrohumor
#blackadder #rowanatkinson #britishcomedy #classiccomedy #mrbean #ukcomedy #comedygold #sitcom #retrotv #baldrick #blackadderedit #90scomedy #80scomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #comedyshow #britishtv #vintagecomedy #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #classicbritishcomedy #legendaryshows #comedymoments #sarcasm #historicalcomedy #dailymotion #tvclassics #iconicshows #retrohumor
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Fight that center!
00:03Trick dodge!
00:17Eyes right!
00:25Eyes right!
00:45You're a bit cheesed off, sir.
00:47George, the day this war began, I was cheesed off.
00:51Within ten minutes of you turning up,
00:53I finished the cheese and moved on to the coffee and cigars.
00:56And at this late stage, I'm in a cab with two lady companions
01:00on my way to the Pink Pussycat in Lower Regent Street.
01:03Well, because if you are cheesed off, sir, you know what would cheer you up?
01:06And that's a Charlie Chaplin film.
01:08Oh, I love old chappers. Don't you, Cap?
01:11Unfortunately, no, I don't.
01:13I find his film's about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck
01:16and then discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.
01:20Oh, beg pardon, sir, but come off!
01:23What? His films are ball-beltingly funny.
01:28Rubbish.
01:29Well, all right, let's consult the men for a casting vote, shall we, Baldrick?
01:32Sir!
01:32Charlie Chaplin, Baldrick, what do you make of him?
01:34Oh, sir, he's as funny as a vegetable
01:37that's grown into a rude and amusing shape, sir.
01:41So you agree with me? Not at all funny.
01:44Oh, come on, Skipper, I played fair in that last film of his.
01:47When he kicked that fellow in the backside, I thought I'd die.
01:51Well, if that's your idea of comedy, we can provide our own
01:53without expending a halfpenny for the privilege.
01:57There, do you find that funny?
01:59Oh, no, of course not, sir.
02:00But you see, Chaplin is a genius.
02:03He certainly is a genius, George.
02:04He invented a way of getting paid a million dollars a year
02:07for wearing a pair of stupid trousers.
02:09Did you find that funny, Baldrick?
02:11What funny, sir?
02:14That funny.
02:15No, sir, and you mustn't do that to me, sir,
02:18cos that is a bourgeois act of repression, sir.
02:22What?
02:24Haven't you smelt it, sir?
02:26There's something afoot in the wind.
02:29The huddled masses yearning to be free.
02:33Baldrick, have you been to the diesel oil again?
02:36No, sir, I've been supping the milk of freedom.
02:40Already our Russian comrades are poised on the brink of revolution.
02:44And here, too, sir, the huddled wasp names such as myself, sir,
02:49are ready to throw off the hated oppressors like you and the lieutenant.
02:53Present company accepted, sir.
02:55Go and clean out the matrines.
02:57Yes, sir, right away, sir.
03:00You see, now the reason why Chaplin is so funny
03:03is because he's part of the great British music hall tradition.
03:07No, yes, the great British music hall tradition.
03:10Two men with incredibly unconvincing cockney accents going,
03:13what's up with you, then?
03:14What's up with me, then?
03:15Yeah, what's up with you, then?
03:15I'll tell you what's up with me that I'm right browned off.
03:18That's what's up with me.
03:18Right browned off.
03:19Yeah, right, get on with it!
03:22Now, sir, that was funny.
03:25You should go to the boards yourself.
03:27Thank you, George, but if you don't mind,
03:28I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer-thin by a steak tenderiser
03:33and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop.
03:36Sir, sir, sir, it's all over the trenches.
03:40Well, mop it up, then.
03:41No, sir, the news, the Russian Revolution have started.
03:46The masses have risen up and shot all their knobs.
03:49Well, hurrah!
03:51Oh, no, the bloody Russians have pulled out of the war.
03:54Well, we soon saw them off, didn't we, sir?
03:56Miserable, slant-eyed, sausage-eating swine.
04:00The Russians are on our side.
04:03Are they?
04:03And they've abandoned the Eastern Front.
04:06And they've over-thrown Nicholas II, who used to be bizarre.
04:10Who used to be the Tsar, Boris.
04:14The point is that now the Russians have made peace with the Kaiser,
04:17at this very moment, over three-quarters of a million Germans
04:20are leaving the Russian Front and coming over here
04:22with the express purpose of using my nipples for target practice.
04:26Yes, sir.
04:26There's only one thing for it.
04:27I'm going to have to desert, and I'm going to do it right now.
04:31Are you leaving us, Blackadder?
04:33No, sir.
04:34Well, I'm relieved to hear it,
04:35because I need you to help me shoot some deserters later on.
04:39There have been subversive mutterings amongst the men.
04:42You'll recall the French army last year at Verdun,
04:45where the top echelon suffered from horrendous uprisings from the bottom.
04:50Yes, sir, but surely that was traced to a shipment of garlic éclairs.
04:54Nonsense, Blackadder.
04:55It was bolshiness.
04:56Plain bolshiness.
04:57And now that the Ruskies have followed suit,
05:00I'm damned if I'm going to let the same thing happen here.
05:02Oh, and what are you going to do about it, sir?
05:05We're going to have a concert party to boost the men's morale.
05:08A concert party?
05:10Well, hurrah!
05:12You fancy an evening at a concert party, Blackadder?
05:15Well, frankly, sir, I'd rather spend an evening
05:17on top of a step ladder in no man's land,
05:19smoking endless cigarettes through a luminous balaclava.
05:24Yes, I didn't think it would be quite your cup of tea,
05:28but I do need someone to help me organise it, you know.
05:31Obviously not a tough, grizzled soldier like yourself,
05:33but some kind of damp-eyed Nancy boy
05:36who'd be prepared to spend the rest of the war
05:39in the London Palladium.
05:40Huh?
05:41The show is going to the London Palladium, sir?
05:44Oh, yes, of course.
05:45It's no good crushing a revolution over here
05:47only to get back home to Blighty
05:49and find that everybody's wearing overalls
05:51and breaking wind in the palaces of the mighty.
05:54Good point, sir.
05:55Now, the thing is, Blackadder,
05:56finding a man to organise a concert party
05:58is going to be damned difficult,
05:59so I've come up with rather a cunning set of questions
06:02with which to test a candidate's suitability for the job.
06:04Oh, and what sort of questions would these be, sir?
06:07Well, the first question is,
06:09do you like Charlie Chaplin?
06:13Dismissed, Lieutenant.
06:15Do you like Charlie Chaplin?
06:16Yes, that is a good question for a candidate,
06:18to which my answer would, of course, be,
06:20yes, I love him.
06:22Love him, sir.
06:22Now, particularly the amusing kicks.
06:24That's funny, sir, because I thought you said...
06:26Goodbye, George.
06:28And the second question is,
06:30do you like music hall?
06:31Ah, yes, another good question, sir.
06:34Again, my answer would have to be yes.
06:36Absolutely love it.
06:38Oops, Mr. Rothschild, how do you...
06:41Hmm, yes.
06:42Well, you see, it's my view, Blackadder,
06:44that the kind of person who would answer yes
06:46to both of those questions would be ideal for the job.
06:49Wait a minute.
06:52What, sir?
06:53Why, without knowing it, Blackadder,
06:56you've inadvertently shown me
06:58that you could do the job.
07:01Have I, sir?
07:03Yes, sir, you have, sir.
07:05And I want you to start work straight away.
07:07A couple of shows over the weekend,
07:09and if all goes well,
07:10we'll start you off in London,
07:11um, next Monday.
07:13Oh, damn.
07:15Now, if you need any help, um,
07:17fetching and carrying and, uh, backstage and so on,
07:20I'll lend you my driver, if you like.
07:22Bob!
07:26Driver Parkhurst reporting for duty, sir.
07:28All right, at ease, Bob.
07:29Stand easy.
07:30Captain Blackadder, this is Bob.
07:32Bob?
07:35Good morning, sir.
07:36Unusual name for a girl.
07:39Oh, yes, it would be an unusual name for a girl,
07:41but it's a perfectly straightforward name
07:42for a young chap like you, eh, Bob?
07:45Now, Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder
07:48for a couple of days, all right?
07:49Yes, sir.
07:50I think you'll find Bob's just the man for this job, Blackadder.
07:53He has a splendid sense of humour.
07:55He, sir?
07:56He?
07:57He?
07:57You see?
07:58You're laughing already.
08:00All right.
08:01Well, now, Bob, I'll leave you two together.
08:03Why don't you, uh, get to know each other,
08:05play a game of cribbage,
08:06have a smoke, something like that.
08:08They tell me that Captain Blackadder
08:09has rather a good line in rough shag.
08:11Um, I'm sure he'd be happy to fill your pipe.
08:15Carry on.
08:19Sir, you're a chap, are you, Bob?
08:21Oh, yes, sir.
08:26You wouldn't say you were a girl at all?
08:29Oh, definitely not, sir.
08:30I understand cricket.
08:32I fart in beds.
08:33Everything.
08:34Well, let me put it another way, Bob.
08:36You are a girl,
08:37and you're a girl with as much talent for disguise
08:39as a giraffe in dark glasses
08:41trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.
08:45Oh, sir, sir, please don't give me away, sir.
08:48I just want you to be like my brothers and join up.
08:50I want to see how a war is fought so badly.
08:55Well, you've come to the right place, Bob.
08:57A war hasn't been fought this badly
08:59since Olaf the Hairy,
09:00high chief of all the Vikings,
09:02accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets
09:04with the horns on the inside.
09:08I want to do my bit for the boys, sir.
09:11Oh, really?
09:12I'll do anything, sir.
09:14Yes, I'd keep that to yourself if I was you.
09:17All right, Bob.
09:18The second half starts with Corporal Smith and Johnson
09:21as the three silly twerps.
09:23All right, sir.
09:23The big joke being there's only two of them.
09:28I love that.
09:30That always cracks me up, sir.
09:32Followed by Balric's impersonation of Charlie Chaplin.
09:42Yes.
09:43Bob, take a telegram.
09:44Yes, sir.
09:45Mr C Chaplin, Senate Studios, Hollywood, California.
09:49Congrats, stop.
09:50Have discovered only person in a world less funny than you.
09:54Name, Balric, stop.
09:55Yours, E. Blackadder, stop.
09:57Oh, and put a PS.
09:59Please, please, please, stop.
10:02And then after that, we have, ladies and gentlemen,
10:05the highlight of our show.
10:07Ta-da!
10:14I feel fantastic.
10:18Gorgeous Georgina.
10:19The traditional soldier's drag act.
10:22You look absolutely lovely, sir.
10:25Balric, you are either lying, blind or mad.
10:29Lieutenant looks like all soldiers look on these occasions,
10:31about as feminine as W.G. Grace.
10:34What are you going to give them, George?
10:35Well, I thought one or two cheeky gags,
10:39followed by she was only the ironmonger's daughter,
10:42but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well.
10:47Inspired.
10:48Well, at least you made an effort with the dress.
10:50What about your costume, Balric?
10:51I'm in it, sir.
10:53I see.
10:54So your Charlie Chaplin costume consists of that hat.
10:58Yes, sir.
10:59Except that in this box,
11:01I have a dead slug as a brilliant false moustache.
11:07Yes, only quite brilliant, I fear.
11:09How, for instance, are you to attach it to your face?
11:10Well, I was hoping to persuade the slug to cling on, sir.
11:15Balric, the slug is dead.
11:17If it failed to cling on to life,
11:19I see no reason why it should wish to cling on to your upper lip.
11:23Balric, Balric, come on.
11:25Slugs are always a problem.
11:27What you've got to do is screw your face up like this, you see,
11:29and then you can clamp it between your top lip and your nose.
11:32Well, like this, sir.
11:34That's it, that's it, that's plenty.
11:35Right.
11:36Sir, sir, there's a visitor to see you.
11:40Good Lord, Mr Chaplin.
11:42This is indeed an honour.
11:45Why, of course, for some sort of celebration.
11:47Balric, Balric!
11:50Sir, that is extraordinary, because...
11:55Because, you see, this isn't Chaplin at all.
11:58This is Balric.
12:00Yes, it's me, sir!
12:04I know, I know.
12:07I was, in fact, being sarcastic.
12:10Oh, I see.
12:11Everything goes above your head, doesn't it, George?
12:14You should go to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer.
12:22They love him, sir. We're a hit.
12:24Yes, in one short evening, I've become the most successful impresario since the manager of the Roman Coliseum thought of
12:30putting the Christians and the Lions on the same bill.
12:33Sir, some people seem to think that I was best. Would you agree?
12:38Balric, in the Amazonian rainforests, there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation, who have developed more convincing
12:44Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.
12:46Oh, thank you very much, sir.
12:48He's coming off!
12:51What do you think, Bob? One more.
12:53God, I love the theatre!
12:58It's in my blood and in my soul.
13:01Balric, put those in some water, will you?
13:02Yes, sir.
13:06I need that applause in the same way that an Osler needs his...ossel.
13:13Well done, sir.
13:15No, really, I was...well, I was hopeless. I mean, tell me honestly, sir, I was, wasn't I?
13:20Well...
13:20No, no, come on, sir, up with it, because I need to know, really, I was hopeless.
13:23No, well...
13:24No, you're trying to be nice, and that's very sweet of you, sir, but please, come on, I can take
13:27it. I was hopeless.
13:29George, you were bloody awful.
13:33But you can't argue with the box office. Personally, I thought you were the least convincing female Impressionist, since Tarzan
13:39went through Jane's handbag and ate her lipstick.
13:42But I'm clearly in a minority. Look out, London. Here we come.
13:52Ah, Captain Dowling.
13:53Ah, Captain Blackadder.
13:54Ah, I must say, I had an absolutely splendid evening.
13:57Ah, glad you enjoyed the show.
13:59The show?
14:01No, I didn't go to the show.
14:03Important regimental business.
14:04A lorry load of paperclips arrive.
14:08Two lorry loads, actually.
14:11Ah, welcome to the great director.
14:14Ha, ha, maestro.
14:16You enjoyed it, sir?
14:17Well, it was mostly awful, but, er, I enjoyed the slug balancer.
14:25Private Baldrick, sir.
14:26That's right, yes.
14:27Slug fell off a couple of times, but you can't, er, can't have everything, can you?
14:32I'd just suggest a bit more practice and, er, perhaps a little sparkly costume for the slug.
14:38I'll pass that on, sir.
14:40But I do have certain other reasons for believing the show to be nothing but a triumph.
14:45Captain Dowling has your travel arrangements, er, ticket to Dover, rooms at the Ritz and so forth.
14:50Oh, thank you, sir.
14:51However, there is one small thing you might do for me.
14:56Yes?
14:58Captain Blackadder, I should esteem it a signal honour if you would allow me to escort your leading lady to
15:05the regimental ball this evening.
15:07My leading lady?
15:09The fair Georgina.
15:11Ah, ha, ha, very amusing.
15:13Do you think she'll laugh in my face? I'm too old, too crusty?
15:16Er, no. No, it's just that as her director, I'm afraid I could not allow it.
15:22I could always find another director who would allow it.
15:25Quite.
15:26Well, I'll see what I can do, but I must insist that she'd be home by midnight and that there'd
15:31be no hanky-panky, sir, whatsoever.
15:33I shall, of course, respect your wishes, Blackadder. However, I don't think you need to be quite so protective. I'm
15:38sure she's a girl with a great deal more spunk than most women you find.
15:43Oh, dear me.
15:46Absolutely not, sir. It's profoundly immoral and utterly wrong. I will not do it.
15:51We can always find another leading lady.
15:53Well, the dress will need a clean.
15:55Excellent.
15:56Now, the important thing is that Melchid should, under no circumstances, realise that you're a man.
16:01Yes, yes, I understand that.
16:02In order to ensure this, there are three basic rules.
16:05One, you must never, I repeat, never remove your wig.
16:09All right.
16:10Second, never say anything.
16:12I'm telling at the beginning of the evening that you're saving your voice for the opening night in London.
16:16Excellent, sir. And what's the third?
16:18The third is most important. Don't get drunk and let him shag you on the veranda.
16:30How do I look, darling?
16:33Girl bait, sir. Pure bloody girl bait.
16:36Mustache?
16:37Bushy enough?
16:38Like a privet head, sir.
16:40Oh, good. Because I want to catch a particularly beautiful creature in this bush tonight.
16:46I'm sure you'll be coming women out of your moustache for weeks, sir.
16:50God, it's a spankingly beautiful world.
16:53And tonight's my night.
16:55I know exactly what I'll say to her.
16:57Darling.
16:57Yes, sir.
17:00What?
17:01Um, I don't know, sir.
17:02Well, don't butt him.
17:03Of course.
17:05I want to make you happy, darling.
17:07Well, that's very kind of you, sir.
17:09Will you kindly stop interrupting?
17:11If you don't listen, how can you tell me what you think?
17:14I want to make you happy, darling.
17:15I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes.
17:18I want to cover every inch of your gorgeous body in pepper and then sneeze all over you.
17:24Oh, really, sir?
17:25I must protest.
17:26What is the matter with you, darling?
17:29Well, it's just all so sudden, sir.
17:32I mean, the nest bit's fine, but the pepper business is definitely out.
17:36How dare you tell me how I may or may not treat my beloved Georgina?
17:41Georgina?
17:42Yes.
17:42I'm working out what I want to say to her this evening.
17:45Oh, yes.
17:45Of course.
17:46Thank God.
17:48All right.
17:49Yes, sir.
17:50Listening, sir.
17:51Honestly, darling, you really are the most graceless, dim-witted bumpkin I ever met.
17:56I don't think you should say that to me.
17:59No!
18:01Where the hell's that, George?
18:03It's three o'clock in the morning.
18:04You should be careful wandering around the trench at night with nothing to protect his honour but a cricket box.
18:11Hello, Captain.
18:12About time.
18:13Where the hell have you been?
18:14Oh, I don't know.
18:15It's all been like a dream, my very first ball.
18:19The music, the dancing, the champagne.
18:22My mind is a mad world.
18:25Half-whispered conversations with the promise of indiscretion ever hanging in the air.
18:28Oh, did that old stoat Melcher try for a snog behind the fruit cup?
18:33Certainly not.
18:35The general behaved like a perfect gentleman.
18:37We tired the moon without talking about everything and nothing.
18:40The war, marriage, proposed changes to the LBW rule.
18:46Melcher isn't married, is he?
18:48No, no.
18:48All his life, he's been waiting to meet the perfect woman.
18:51And at last, tonight, he did.
18:53Well, some poor unfortunate had old walrus face dribbling in her ear all evening, did you?
18:58Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I did have to drape a napkin over my shoulder, yes.
19:04George, are you trying to tell me that you are the general's perfect woman?
19:09Well, yes, I rather think I am.
19:12Well, thank God the horny old blighter didn't ask you to marry him.
19:20You did?
19:22Well, how did you get out of that one?
19:23Well, to be honest, sir, I'm not absolutely certain that I did.
19:26What?
19:27Well, you can't understand what it was like, sir.
19:30You know, the candles, the music, the huge moustache.
19:33I don't know what came out of me.
19:35You said yes?
19:37Oh, after all, sir, he is a general.
19:39I didn't really feel I could refuse.
19:41He might have had me court-martialed.
19:42Whereas, on the other hand, of course, he's going to give you the Victoria Cross
19:46when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night
19:48and finds himself looking at the last turkey in the shop.
19:53Yes, I am.
19:54I know it's a mess, sir, but you see, you got me squiffy,
19:57and then when he looked into my eyes and said,
20:00Chipmunk, I love you.
20:01Chipmunk?
20:03Yes, but it's his special name for me, you see.
20:05He says my nose looks just like a chipmunk.
20:07Oh, God.
20:09Well, there's serious, serious trouble here.
20:10If the general ever finds out the gorgeous Georgina
20:13is, in fact, a strapping six-footer from the rough end of the trench,
20:17it could precipitate the fastest execution since someone said,
20:20This guy forks, bloke, do we let him off or what?
20:28Hello?
20:29Yes, sir.
20:31Straight away, sir.
20:33That was your fiancée.
20:36Chipmunk.
20:37He wants to see me.
20:39If I should die, think only this of me.
20:43I'll be back to get you.
20:50Sir, I can explain everything.
20:52Can you, Blackadder?
20:54Can you?
20:55Well, no, sir, not really.
20:58I thought not.
20:59I thought not.
21:00Who can explain the mysteries of love?
21:03I'm in love with Georgina, Blackadder.
21:06I'm going to marry her on Saturday,
21:07and I want you to be my best man.
21:11I don't think that would be a very good idea, sir.
21:13And why not?
21:15Because there's something wrong with your fiancée, sir.
21:18Oh, my God.
21:19She's not Welsh, is she?
21:22No, sir.
21:23It's a terrible story, but true.
21:25Just a few minutes ago,
21:27Georgina arrived unexpectedly in my trench.
21:29She was literally dancing with joy,
21:32as though something wonderful had happened to her.
21:34Makes sense.
21:35Unfortunately, she was in such a daze,
21:37she danced straight through the trench
21:39and out into no-man's land.
21:41I tried to stop her,
21:42but before I could say,
21:43don't tread on a mine,
21:46she trod on a mine.
21:47Oh!
21:48No!
21:48Well, I say a mine,
21:50it was more a cluster of mines.
21:52And she was blown to smithereens,
21:53and as she rocketed up into the air,
21:56she said something I couldn't quite catch,
21:59totally incomprehensible to me,
22:00something like,
22:01tell him his little chipmunk
22:03will love him forever.
22:05I mean, I...
22:05No!
22:07How?
22:08How?
22:09How?
22:10How?
22:10How?
22:11Oh, it's heartbreaking, sir.
22:13I'm sorry, sir.
22:14Well, can't be helped, can't be helped.
22:17Well, it's jolly bad luck, sir.
22:19Hey-ho.
22:20And, of course, on top of everything else,
22:22without your leading lady,
22:23you won't be able to put on the show.
22:25So no show,
22:26no London Palladium.
22:28On the contrary,
22:30I was simply intending to rename it
22:32the Georgina Melchit Memorial Show.
22:34Oh, no!
22:36Georgina was the only thing
22:37that made the show come alive!
22:39Apart from her,
22:39it was all awful!
22:41Awful?
22:42Yes, you'll never find another girl
22:43like Georgina by tomorrow.
22:46Well, it's funny you should say that, sir,
22:48because I think I already have.
22:50Who is she?
22:50Who is she?
22:51So, come on, sir,
22:52who is she?
22:53Well, that's the problem, isn't it?
22:54I haven't a bloody clue.
22:56The only attractive woman around here
22:58is carved out of stone,
22:59called Venus,
23:00and is standing in a fountain
23:01in the middle of the town square
23:03with water coming out of her armpits.
23:05So, we're a bit stuck.
23:07Morning, chaps.
23:08Morning, Bob.
23:08Morning, Bob.
23:09You can say that again, George.
23:11We're in the stickiest situation
23:13since Sticky the Stick Insect
23:15got stuck on a sticky bun.
23:18We are in trouble.
23:20Not any longer, sir!
23:25May I present my cunning plan?
23:30Don't be ridiculous, Bollie.
23:31Can you sing?
23:32Can you dance?
23:33Or are you offering to be sawn in half?
23:36I don't think those things
23:37are important in a modern marriage, sir.
23:39I offer simple home cooking.
23:43Bollrick, our plan is to find
23:45a new leading lady for our show.
23:47What is your plan?
23:48My plan is that I will marry General Melchit.
23:53I am the other woman.
23:56Oh, well, congratulations, Bollrick.
23:58I hope you'll be very happy.
24:00Oh, no, sir.
24:01Because when I get back from honeymoon,
24:02I will be a member of the aristocracy
24:04and you will have to call me milady.
24:08What happened to your revolutionary principles, Bollrick?
24:10Bollrick, I thought you hated the aristocracy.
24:12I'm working to bring down the system from within, sir.
24:15I'm a sort of a frozen horse.
24:19Trojan horse.
24:21Anyway, I can't see what's so stupid
24:23about marrying into wealth and money
24:25and not having to sleep in a puddle.
24:26Bollrick?
24:28No.
24:28It's the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said,
24:31oh, I'm sick of kicking around the house tonight.
24:33Let's go take in a show.
24:36For a start, General Melchit is in mourning
24:39for the woman of his dreams.
24:40He's unlikely to be in the mood
24:42to marry a two-legged badger wrapped in a curtain.
24:45Secondly, we are looking for a great entertainer
24:48and you're the worst entertainer
24:50since St Paul the Evangelist toured Palestine
24:52with his trampoline act.
24:54Now we'll have to find somebody else.
24:57What about Corporal Cartwright, sir?
24:59Corporal Cartwright looks like an orangutan.
25:02I've heard of the bearded lady,
25:04but the all-over-body-hair lady
25:06factly just isn't on.
25:08Willis?
25:09Too short.
25:11Petheridge?
25:11Too old.
25:13Taplow?
25:14Too dead.
25:17Oh, this is hopeless.
25:19There just isn't anyone.
25:21Goodbye, goodbye
25:23Wipe the tear, baby dear
25:26From your eye
25:27What am I doing, Bob?
25:30Sir?
25:31Sir, what a brilliant idea!
25:34Bob!
25:35Can you think of anyone
25:36who could be our leading lady?
25:45What do you think, Bob?
25:46One more?
25:47No, George.
25:47Always leave them hungry.
25:49Congratulations, Bob.
25:50I have to admit,
25:50I thought you were bloody marvellous.
25:52Thank you, sir.
25:53Permission to slip into something more uncomfortable, sir?
25:55Permission granted.
25:57Oh, sir, it's going to be wonderful.
25:59Not just for me,
26:01but for my little partner, Graham.
26:03We're doing our Charlie Chaplin all round the world.
26:06Yes.
26:07From Shaftesbury Avenue to the Cote d'Azur,
26:09they'll be saying,
26:10I like the little black one,
26:12but who's that Berkey sitting on?
26:14I'm not with you, sir.
26:15Of course not.
26:16But don't worry,
26:17we'll have years in luxury hotels for me to explain.
26:20Now, you two get packing, get packing.
26:21The boat train leaves at six,
26:22and we're going to be on it.
26:25Black Adam.
26:25Ah, darling, everything all right?
26:28Oh, yes.
26:29Got the tickets?
26:29Oh, yes.
26:30Ah.
26:31Black Adam?
26:32Oh, hi, General.
26:34Enjoy the show?
26:34Don't be ridiculous.
26:35The worst evening I've ever spent in my life.
26:37I'm sorry?
26:38Will you stand still when I'm talking to you?
26:40If by a man's words shall he know him,
26:42then you are a steaming pile of horse manure.
26:45But surely, sir, the show was a triumph.
26:47A triumph?
26:48The three twerps were one twerp short.
26:52Again.
26:52Then, the slug balancer seems now to be doing
26:56some feeble impression of Buster Keaton.
26:59And worst of all, the crowning turd in the water pipe,
27:04the revolting drag act at the end.
27:07Drag act?
27:08Yes, poor Bob Parker's being made to look a total arse.
27:11With a thin, reedy voice and a stupid, effeminate dancing.
27:16Ah.
27:16So the show's cancelled?
27:18Permanently.
27:19But what about the men's morale, sir,
27:21with the Russians out of the war and everything?
27:23Oh, for goodness sake, Blackhead,
27:24have you been living in a cave?
27:26The Americans joined the war yesterday.
27:29So how is that going to improve the men's morale, sir?
27:31Oh, because, you gibbering imbecile,
27:34they've brought with them
27:36the largest collection of Charlie Chaplin films in existence.
27:40Oh, I've lost patience with you.
27:41Fill him in, darling.
27:42Yes, sir.
27:44We received a telegram this morning
27:46from Mr. Chaplin himself at Senate Studios.
27:49Twice-nightly screening of my films in trenches.
27:51Excellent idea.
27:52Stop.
27:53But must insist,
27:55E. Blackadder,
27:55be projectionist.
27:57Stop.
27:58Oh, P.S.
27:59Don't let him ever...
28:01Stop.
28:04Oh, great.
28:05No hard feelings, eh, Blackadder?
28:06Not at all, darling.
28:10Careful licorice also.
Comments