Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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00:00By third center, trick dodge!
00:16Eyes right!
00:25Eyes right!
00:36Eyes right!
00:37Bells.
00:38Bells.
00:39Bells.
00:42Bells.
00:51Oh!
01:00Baldrick, what are you doing out there?
01:02I'm carving something on this bullet, sir.
01:05What are you carving?
01:06I'm carving Baldrick, sir.
01:09Why?
01:10It's a cunning plan, actually.
01:12Of course it is.
01:14You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it.
01:20Yes.
01:20Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'd never get hit by it.
01:27Because I won't ever shoot myself.
01:29Oh, shame.
01:31And the chances of there being two bullets with my name on them are very small indeed.
01:37It's not the only thing around here that's very small indeed.
01:41Your brain, for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open,
01:47there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit.
01:53Tally-ho, Pip-Pip-Bum, Bernard's your uncle.
01:56In English we say, good morning.
01:58Look what I've got for you, sir.
02:00What?
02:00It's the latest issue of King and Country.
02:03Oh, damn inspiring stuff.
02:05The magazine that tells the Tommies the truth about the war.
02:07Or, alternatively, the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the French marriage service.
02:15Come, come, sir.
02:16Now, you can't deny that this fine newspaper is good for the morale of the men.
02:19Certainly not.
02:20I just think that more could be achieved by giving them some real toilet paper.
02:25What with you at all, sir?
02:26What could any patriotic chap have against this magnificent mag?
02:29Apart from his bottom?
02:31Yes.
02:32Well, look at it.
02:33I mean, the stuff's about as convincing as Dr. Crippen's defence lawyer.
02:38The British Tommies are all portrayed as six foot six with biceps the size of Bournemouth.
02:44Thoroughly inspiring stuff.
02:45And I hope so.
02:46It's also just arrived for you this morning.
02:50Hmm.
02:51Do you know what this is, Lieutenant?
02:53Oh, it's a good old service revolver.
02:55Oh, wrong.
02:55It's a brand new service revolver, which I've suspiciously been sent without asking for it.
03:01I smell something fishy.
03:03And I'm not talking about the contents of Baldrick's apple crumble.
03:09That's funny, sir, because we didn't order those new trench climbing ladders, either.
03:13New ladders?
03:14No, it came yesterday.
03:15I issued them to the mail, and they were absolutely thrilled.
03:18Isn't that right, men?
03:19Yes, sir.
03:20First solid fuel we've had since we burned the cats.
03:24Something's going on, and I think I can make an educated guess what it is.
03:28Something which you, George, would find hard to do.
03:30Oh, true, true.
03:32Where I was at school, education could go hang as long as a boy could hit a six,
03:37sing the school song very loud, and take a hot trumpet from behind without blubbing.
03:41I, on the other hand, am a fully rounded human being,
03:44with a degree from the University of Life,
03:46a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks,
03:48and three gold stars from the kindergarten
03:51of getting the shit kicked out of me.
03:53And my instincts lead me to deduce
03:55that we are at last about to go over the top.
03:59Great stutter!
04:00You mean, you mean the moment's finally arrived
04:02for us to give Harry Han a darn good British-style thrashing,
04:06six of the best, trousers down?
04:07I mean, are we all going to get killed?
04:10Yes.
04:11Clearly, Field Marshal Haig
04:13is about to make yet another gargantuan effort
04:15to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.
04:20Bravo-issimo!
04:21Well, let's make a start, eh?
04:22Up and over to glory.
04:23Last one in Berlin's or rotten egg?
04:25Give me your helmet, Lieutenant.
04:38Yes, some sort of clever hat camouflage might be in order.
04:43Permission to speak, sir?
04:45Granted, with a due sense of exhaustion and dread.
04:48I have a cunning plan to get us out of getting killed, sir.
04:52Ah, yes.
04:52What is it?
04:53Cooking.
04:54I see.
04:56Those staff HQs always on the lookout for good cooks.
05:00Well, we go over there, we cook them something,
05:02and we get out of the trenches that way.
05:05Baldrick, it's a brilliant plan.
05:07Is it?
05:07Yes, it's a plan.
05:09Permission to write home immediately, sir.
05:11This is the first brilliant plan a Baldrick's ever had.
05:14For centuries we've tried,
05:15and they've always turned out to be total pig-swell.
05:19My mother will be as pleased as punch.
05:22Hmm, if only she were as good-looking as punch, Baldrick.
05:26There is, however, one slight flaw on the plan.
05:29Oh.
05:29You're the worst cook in the entire world.
05:32Oh, yeah, that's right.
05:33There are amoeba on Saturn who could boil a better egg than you.
05:38Your filet mignon in sauce bearnais look like dog turds in blue.
05:43That's because they are.
05:46Your plum duff tastes like it's a molehill decorated with rabbit droppings.
05:50I thought you wouldn't notice.
05:53And your cream custard has the texture of cat vomit.
05:57Again, it's...
05:58If you were to serve one of your meals in Staff HQ,
06:02you'd be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning
06:04since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends round
06:08for a wine and anthrax party.
06:11Now we'll have to think of a better plan than that.
06:13Right.
06:13How about a nice meal while you chew it over?
06:16What's on the menu?
06:19Rat.
06:20Sauté or fricasse?
06:23Oh, the agony of choice.
06:26And sautéed involved?
06:27Well, you take the freshly shaved rat
06:29and you marinate it in a puddle for a while.
06:33Mm-hm. For how long?
06:35Till it's drowned.
06:36Then you stretch it out under a hot light bulb.
06:39Then you get within dashing distance of the latrine
06:42and you scoff it right down.
06:45So that's sautéing and fricasseeing?
06:47Exactly the same.
06:48Just a slightly bigger rat.
06:51Well, call me old Mr. Unadventurous,
06:54but I think I'll give it a miss this one.
06:56Fair enough, sir.
06:57More for the rest of us, eh, sir?
06:59Absolutely private.
07:00Tally-ho, barf, barf.
07:04Hello, the Savoy Grill.
07:07No, it's you.
07:09Yes.
07:10Yes, I'll be over in 40 minutes.
07:12Who was it then, sir?
07:14Strangely enough, Bullrick,
07:15it was Pope Gregory IX
07:17inviting me for drinks aboard his steam yacht,
07:20the Saucy Sue,
07:21currently wintering in Montego Bay
07:23with the England cricket team
07:25and the Balinese goddess of plenty.
07:28Really?
07:29No, not really.
07:30I've been ordered to HQ.
07:32No doubt that idiot General Melchett
07:34is about to offer me some attractive new opportunities
07:37to have my brains blown out for Britain.
07:48What do you want, darling?
07:53It's Captain, darling, to you.
07:55General Melchett wants to see you
07:57about a highly important secret mission.
07:59What's going on, darling?
08:00Captain Blackadder to see you, sir.
08:02Ah, excellent.
08:04Just a short back and sides today, I think, please.
08:06Er, please.
08:07That's Corporal Black, sir.
08:09Captain Blackadder is here about the other matter, sir,
08:11the secret matter.
08:12Ah, yes, the special mission.
08:14At ease, Blackadder.
08:17Now, what I'm about to tell you
08:19is absolutely tip-top secret.
08:22Is that clear?
08:23It is, sir.
08:24Now, I've compiled a list of those with security clearance.
08:27Have you got it, darling?
08:28Yes, sir.
08:29Read it, please.
08:30It's top security, sir.
08:32I think that's all the captain needs to know.
08:33Judge Schultz, let's hear the list in full.
08:36Very well, sir.
08:38List of personnel cleared for Mission Gainsborough,
08:41as dictated by General C.H. Melchett.
08:44You and me, darling, obviously.
08:47Field Marshal Hague,
08:48Field Marshal Hague's wife,
08:50all Field Marshal Hague's wife's friends,
08:52their families,
08:53their family's servants,
08:54their family's servants' tennis partners,
08:56and some chap I bumped into in the mess the other day
08:58called Bernard.
09:00So, it's maximum security.
09:03Is that clear?
09:04Quite clear, sir.
09:05Only myself and the rest of the English-speaking world
09:07is to know.
09:08Good man.
09:10Now, Field Marshal Hague
09:12has formulated
09:12a brilliant new tactical plan
09:15to ensure final victory in the field.
09:18Ah.
09:19Would this brilliant plan
09:20involve us climbing out of our trenches
09:22and walking very slowly towards the enemy, sir?
09:25How could you possibly know that, Blackadder?
09:27It's classified information.
09:29It's the same plan that we used last time
09:31and the 17 times before that.
09:34I-I-exactly.
09:36And that is what is so brilliant about it.
09:39It will catch the watchful Han totally off guard.
09:43Doing precisely what we've done 18 times before
09:45is exactly the last thing they'll expect us to do this time.
09:49There is, however, one small problem.
09:52That everyone always gets slaughtered in the first 10 seconds.
09:55That's right.
09:56And Field Marshal Hague is worried
09:58that this may be depressing the men attached.
10:01So, he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.
10:04Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the opposite.
10:09Interesting thought.
10:10Make a note of it, darling.
10:11Take a look at this.
10:13I'm sure you know it.
10:14King and country.
10:16Ah, yes.
10:17Without question, my favourite magazine.
10:19Soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent.
10:23Chop, old Blackadder.
10:25I thought it would be right up your alley.
10:27Right.
10:30Field Marshal Hague's plan is this.
10:33To commission a man
10:35to do an especially stirring painting
10:37for the cover of the next issue
10:39so as to really inspire the men for the final push.
10:43What I want you to do, Blackadder,
10:44is to labour night and day
10:46to find a first-rate artist from amongst your men.
10:49Impossible, sir.
10:50I know from long experience
10:51that my men have all the artistic talent
10:54of a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs.
10:57In a bag.
11:01Well, that's a bit of a blur.
11:02We needed a man to leave the trenches immediately.
11:05Leave the trenches?
11:06Hmm?
11:06Hmm.
11:07Yes.
11:07I wonder if you've enjoyed, as I have, sir,
11:10that marvellous painting
11:11in the National Portrait Gallery,
11:13Bag Interior,
11:15by the colour-blind hedgehog workshop of Siena.
11:19I'm sorry.
11:20Are you saying you can find this man?
11:22I think I can.
11:23And might I suggest, sir,
11:24that having left the trenches,
11:25it might be a good idea
11:27to post our man to Paris
11:29in order to soak up a little of the artistic atmosphere,
11:32perhaps even Tahiti, I don't know,
11:34so as to produce a real masterpiece.
11:37Yes, yes, but can you find the man?
11:39Now I know I can, sir.
11:41Before you can say sunflowers,
11:43I'll have Vincent van Gogh standing before you.
11:52No, no, don't stop, sir.
11:53It's coming.
11:54It's definitely coming.
11:59I just wonder whether two socks and a hand grenade
12:02is really the sort of thing
12:03that covers of King and Country are made of.
12:05They will be when I've painted them
12:07being shoved up the Kaiser's backside.
12:09Ah, now, now, this is interesting.
12:12What is?
12:12Well, Private Baldrick
12:14is obviously a bit of an impressionist.
12:16The only decent impression he can do
12:17is of a man with no talent.
12:20What's it called, Baldrick?
12:21The Vomiting Cavalier?
12:25No, sir, that's not supposed to be vomit.
12:27It's dabs of light.
12:29No, it's vomit.
12:31Yes.
12:31So, why did you choose that?
12:33You told me to, sir.
12:35Did I?
12:35Yeah, you told me to paint whatever comes from within.
12:38So I did my breakfast.
12:41Look, there's a little tomato.
12:44Goodness, if only I'd paid attention
12:46in nursery art class
12:47instead of spending my entire time
12:50manufacturing papier-mâché willies
12:51to frighten Sarah Wallace.
12:53You know, it's funny,
12:54but painting was the only thing
12:56I was ever any good at.
12:57It's a pity you didn't keep it up.
12:59Well, as a matter of fact, I did, actually.
13:00I mean, normally, of course,
13:03I wouldn't show them to anyone
13:04because they're just embarrassing daubs, really.
13:06But, you know, they give me pleasure.
13:09I'm embarrassed to show them to you now
13:10as it happens.
13:11But there you go.
13:12For what they're worth, to be honest,
13:14I should have my hands cut off.
13:16George, these are brilliant.
13:18Why didn't you tell us about these before?
13:20Well, you know,
13:21it doesn't like to blow one's own trumpet.
13:23You might at least have told us
13:25you had a trumpet.
13:27These paintings could spell my way
13:29out of the trenches.
13:30Yours?
13:32That's right, ours.
13:35All we have to do
13:36is paint something heroic
13:37to appeal to the simple-minded Tommy.
13:40Over to you, Baldrick.
13:41Um, how about
13:43a noble Tommy
13:44standing with a look of horror
13:46and disgust
13:47over the body
13:48of a murdered nun
13:49what's been brutally
13:51done over
13:52by a nasty old German?
13:54Excellent.
13:55I...
13:55I can see it now.
13:56The nun
13:57and the hun.
13:59No time to lose.
14:01George,
14:01set up your easel.
14:02Baldrick and I will pose.
14:04This is going to be
14:04Art's greatest moment
14:05since Mona Lisa
14:06sat down
14:07and told Leonardo da Vinci
14:08she was in a slightly odd mood.
14:11Baldrick,
14:12you lie down in the mud
14:12and be the nun.
14:13I'm not lying down there.
14:15It's all wet.
14:15Well, let's put it this way.
14:16Either you lie down
14:17and get wet
14:17or you knock down
14:19and get a broken nose.
14:21Actually,
14:21it's not that wet, is it?
14:22No.
14:27What are you going to be then, sir?
14:28The noble Tommy?
14:29Precisely.
14:30Standing over the body
14:31of the ravaged nun.
14:32I want a wimple.
14:33Well, you should have gone
14:34before we started the picture.
14:35You know,
14:36the funny thing is
14:37my father was a nun.
14:41No, he wasn't.
14:42He was so, sir.
14:44I know,
14:45because whenever he was up in court
14:46and the judge used to say
14:47occupation,
14:48he'd say none.
14:54Right, are you ready?
14:55Oh, just about, sir, yes.
14:56Um,
14:57if you'd just like to
14:58pop your clothes on the stool.
15:02I'm sorry?
15:03Just pop your clothes
15:04on the stool over there.
15:05You mean
15:06you want me
15:07tackle out?
15:11Of course, sir, yes.
15:13If I can remind you
15:14of the realities of battle,
15:15George,
15:15one of the first things
15:16that everyone notices
15:17is that all the protagonists
15:18have got their clothes on.
15:20Neither we nor the Hun
15:22favour fighting our battles
15:23au naturel.
15:25Sir, it's artistic licence.
15:27It's willing suspension
15:29of disbelief.
15:30Well, I'm not having anyone
15:31staring in disbelief
15:32at my willy suspension.
15:35Now, get on and paint
15:36the bloody thing
15:37sharpish.
15:42Brilliant, George.
15:43It's a masterpiece.
15:44The wimple cinch,
15:46you're boring.
15:46By, it completely
15:47covers my face.
15:49Exactly.
15:50Now, men,
15:51General Melchard
15:52will be here
15:52at any moment.
15:53When he arrives,
15:54leave the talking to me,
15:55all right?
15:55I like to keep
15:56an informal trench,
15:57as you know,
15:58but today,
15:59you must only speak
16:00with my express permission.
16:02Is that clear?
16:03Is that clear?
16:06Permission to speak.
16:07Yes, sir.
16:08Yes, sir.
16:08Absolutely, sir.
16:10Tension.
16:13Back out.
16:15Tension.
16:18Excellent.
16:19At ease.
16:20Now then, Blackadder,
16:21where would you like me to sit?
16:22I thought just a simple
16:23trim of the moustache today,
16:24nothing drastic.
16:25No, sir.
16:26We hear about the paintings, sir.
16:28Oh, yes.
16:28Of course.
16:29Good Lord, George.
16:31Ha, ha, ha.
16:32How are you, my boy?
16:36I said, how are you?
16:38Permission to speak.
16:40Oh, no, absolutely.
16:40Top holes are
16:41with a ying and a yang
16:42and a yippity-doo.
16:44Splendid.
16:45And your Uncle Betty
16:46sends his regards.
16:47I told them you could
16:48have a week off in April.
16:49Don't want you missing
16:50the boat race, do him?
16:52Permission to speak?
16:53Oh, certainly not.
16:54Permission to sing
16:55boisterously, sir.
16:56If you must.
16:58Whoa, row, row,
16:59you punch gently
17:00down the stream.
17:01Belts off,
17:02trousers down,
17:03ears and life a scream.
17:10Fabulous.
17:10University education.
17:12You can't beat it.
17:13Bravo.
17:15Now,
17:15what have we here?
17:17Name?
17:18Permission to speak.
17:20Baldrake, sir.
17:20Oh, tally-ho,
17:22yippity-dap
17:23and zing-zang-spillip.
17:24Looking forward
17:25to bullying off
17:26for the final chucker?
17:29Permission to speak?
17:33Answer the general,
17:35Baldrake.
17:35I can't answer him, sir.
17:36I don't know
17:37what he's talking about.
17:40Are you looking forward
17:42to the big push?
17:43No, sir,
17:44I'm absolutely terrified.
17:48The healthy humour
17:49of the honest Tommy.
17:51Ha-ha!
17:52Don't worry, my boy.
17:53If you should falter,
17:54remember that Captain Darling
17:56and I are behind you.
17:57About 35 miles behind you.
18:01Right, well,
18:02stand by your bed.
18:03Let's have a look
18:04at this artist of yours,
18:06Blackadder.
18:06Next to me, darling.
18:07Thank you, sir.
18:08Have you found someone?
18:10Yes, sir.
18:11I think I have.
18:12None other
18:13than young George here.
18:15Oh, brother.
18:16Well, let's have a shifty, then.
18:18It's simply called
18:19War.
18:22Damn silly title, George.
18:24Looks more like
18:25a couple of socks
18:26and a stick of pineapple
18:27to me.
18:28Uh, permission to speak, sir?
18:30Uh, I think not, actually.
18:33Quite right.
18:34If what happens
18:35when you open your mouth
18:36is anything like
18:36what happens
18:37when you open your paint box,
18:38we'll all be drenched
18:39in phlegm.
18:41Oh, no.
18:42This isn't what
18:42we're looking for at all,
18:43is it, darling?
18:44No, sir.
18:45No, sir.
18:46There is.
18:46This, sir,
18:47it's Private Baldrick's.
18:48He's called it
18:49My Family
18:50and Other Animals.
18:54Oh, good Lord, no.
18:56Well, I'm afraid
18:57that's about it, sir.
18:59Apart from
19:00this little thing.
19:02Ah, now
19:03that's more like it.
19:05Who painted this, Blackadder?
19:07Well, actually,
19:08it was me.
19:09Uh, permission to speak
19:10really quite urgently, sir.
19:12Damn and blast
19:13your goggly eyes.
19:14Will you stop
19:15interrupting, George?
19:16Oh, this is excellent.
19:18Congratulations, man.
19:19Oh, it's totally inspiring.
19:21Makes you wonder.
19:22Jump over the top
19:23and yell
19:24Ya Boo
19:25sucks to you, Fritzy.
19:27Thank you, sir.
19:28Are you sure
19:28you did this, Blackadder?
19:30Of course I'm sure.
19:31I'm afraid
19:32I don't believe you.
19:34How dare you, darling?
19:37Well, I can't let
19:38that slur pass.
19:39What possible
19:39low, suspicious,
19:41slanderous reason
19:42could this office boy
19:44have for thinking
19:44that I didn't
19:45paint the picture?
19:46Well, three reasons,
19:47as a matter of fact.
19:48Firstly, you're in it.
19:50It's a self-portrait.
19:53Secondly, you told us
19:54you couldn't paint.
19:55Well, one doesn't like
19:56to blow one's own trumpet.
19:57Permission?
19:58Denied.
20:00And thirdly,
20:02it's signed,
20:02George.
20:13Well spotted.
20:15But not
20:16signed, George.
20:18Dedicated
20:18to George.
20:20King George.
20:21Gentlemen,
20:22the king.
20:23The king!
20:24Where?
20:26Bravo, Blackadder.
20:28I have absolutely
20:28no hesitation
20:30in appointing you
20:30our official
20:31regimental artist.
20:32You're a damn
20:33fine chap,
20:34not a pin-pushing,
20:36desk-sucking,
20:37blotter-jotter
20:38like Darling here.
20:39May, darling?
20:40No, sir.
20:41No, sir?
20:41Well,
20:42accompany us back
20:43to HQ immediately.
20:44Catch it!
20:46Permission to jolly well
20:47speak right now, sir,
20:48otherwise I might just
20:49burst like a bunny balloon.
20:51Later, George.
20:53Much later.
20:56Congratulations on your
20:57new appointment,
20:58Blackadder.
20:59Thank you, sir.
21:00And may I say,
21:00Blackadder,
21:01I am particularly
21:02pleased about it.
21:03Are you?
21:04Oh, yes.
21:06Now that you are
21:07our official war artist,
21:08we can give you
21:09the full briefing.
21:10The fact is,
21:11Blackadder,
21:12that the king and country
21:13cover story
21:14was just a
21:15cover story.
21:16We want you
21:18as our top
21:19painting bod
21:20to leave the trenches
21:21Good.
21:22Tonight.
21:23Suits me.
21:24And go out
21:25into no man's land.
21:30No man's land.
21:31Yes.
21:33Not Paris.
21:34No.
21:36We want you
21:37to come back
21:37with accurate drawings
21:38of the enemy positions.
21:40You want me
21:41to sit
21:42in no man's land
21:43painting pictures
21:44of the Germans.
21:47Precisely.
21:47Good man.
21:48Well,
21:48it's a very attractive
21:49proposition,
21:50gentlemen,
21:50but unfortunately
21:51not practical.
21:52You see,
21:53my medium is light.
21:54It'll be pitch dark.
21:55I won't be able
21:56to see a thing.
21:57Ah.
21:57That is a point.
21:58I tell you what,
21:59we'll send up
22:00a couple of flares.
22:01You'll be lit up
22:02like a Christmas tree.
22:04Oh, excellent, excellent.
22:05Glad I checked.
22:08All right.
22:09Total and utter quiet.
22:11Do you understand?
22:12So, for instance,
22:13if any of us
22:13crawl over any barbed wire,
22:14they must,
22:15on no account,
22:16go...
22:16Ah!
22:18You've just crawled
22:19over some barbed wire, sir.
22:20No, Baldrick,
22:21I've just put my elbow
22:22in a blob of ice cream.
22:23Oh, that's all right.
22:25Now, where the hell
22:26are we, man?
22:27Well, it's a bit
22:27difficult to say.
22:29We appear to have
22:29crawled into an area
22:30marked with mushrooms.
22:32What do those
22:32symbols denote?
22:34Don't we're in a field
22:35of mushrooms?
22:36Lieutenant,
22:37that is a military map.
22:39It is unlikely to list
22:40interesting flora and fungi.
22:42Look at the key
22:43and you'll discover
22:44that those mushrooms
22:45aren't for picking.
22:46Good Lord,
22:47you're quite right, sir.
22:48It says mine.
22:50So,
22:51these mushrooms
22:52must belong to the man
22:53who made the map.
22:58Either that
22:59or we're in the middle
23:00of a mine field.
23:02Oh, dear.
23:03So, he owns the field
23:04as well.
23:08They're boring, sir!
23:09They're boring!
23:11Yes, thank you,
23:11Lieutenant.
23:13If they hit me,
23:14you'll be sure
23:14to point it out,
23:15won't you?
23:16Now, come on,
23:17get on with your drawing
23:18and let's get out of here.
23:19Well, surely we ought
23:20to wait for the flares, sir.
23:21You see,
23:21my medium is light.
23:23Look, I...
23:23Just use your imagination,
23:25for heaven's sake.
23:26Wait a minute.
23:27That's the answer.
23:28What?
23:28I can't believe
23:29I've been so stupid.
23:31Yeah, that is unusual
23:32because usually
23:33I'm the stupid one.
23:34Well, I'm not over-furnished
23:36in the brain department.
23:38Yes, well,
23:39on this occasion,
23:39I've been stupidest of all.
23:41Oh, now, sir,
23:42I will not have that.
23:45Baldrick and I
23:45will always be
23:46more stupid than you.
23:47Isn't that right, Baldrick?
23:48Stupid, stupid, stupid.
23:50Yeah.
23:50Stupid-y, stupid-y, stupid-y.
23:53Stupidest stupids
23:54in the whole history
23:55of stupidity does.
24:02Finished?
24:04I think the obvious
24:05point is this.
24:06We'll go straight back
24:07to the dugout
24:08and do the painting
24:09from there.
24:09You do the most imaginative,
24:11most exciting,
24:13possible drawing
24:13of German defences
24:15from your imagination.
24:16I see.
24:17Now, that is a challenge.
24:18Well, quite.
24:18Come on,
24:19let's get out of here.
24:21Oh, sir,
24:22just one thing.
24:23If we should happen
24:24to tread on a mine,
24:24what do we do?
24:27Well, normal procedure,
24:29Lieutenant,
24:30is to jump 200 feet
24:31into the air
24:32and scatter yourself
24:34over a wide area.
24:39Are you sure
24:40this is what you saw,
24:41Blackadder?
24:42Absolutely.
24:43I mean,
24:43there may have been
24:43a few more armament factories
24:45and not quite as many elephants,
24:47but...
24:51Well,
24:52you know what this means.
24:54If it's true, sir,
24:55we'll have to cancel the push.
24:57Exactly.
24:58What a nuisance.
25:01Exactly what the enemy
25:02would expect us to do
25:04and therefore
25:04exactly what we shan't do.
25:07Ah.
25:07Now...
25:08If we attack
25:09where the line
25:10is strongest,
25:11then Fritz will think
25:12that our reconnaissance
25:13is a total shambles.
25:15This will lull him
25:16into a sense
25:16of full security.
25:17And then next week,
25:19we can attack
25:19where the line
25:20is actually badly defended
25:22and win the greatest victory
25:24since the Winchester
25:25flower arranging team
25:27beat Harrow
25:28by 12 sore bottoms
25:30to one.
25:32Tell me,
25:33have you ever visited
25:33the planet Earth, sir?
25:36So,
25:37best fighting trousers
25:38on, Blackadder.
25:39Permission to shout
25:40Bravo
25:41at an annoyingly loud volume, sir?
25:43Permission granted.
25:44Bravo!
25:46That's the spirit.
25:47Just your kind of caper,
25:48eh, Blackadder?
25:49Oh, yes.
25:50Good luck against those elephants.
25:55Got me a chisel
25:56and some marble,
25:57will you, Bordrick?
25:58Oh,
25:59you're taking up
25:59sculpture now, sir?
26:00No,
26:00I thought I'd get
26:01my headstone done.
26:03What are you going to put on this?
26:04Here lies Edmund Blackadder
26:06and he's bloody annoyed.
26:10We're going over,
26:11aren't we, sir?
26:12Yes, we are.
26:13Unless I can think
26:14of some brilliant plan.
26:15Would you like
26:16some rat-o-van
26:17to help you fix it?
26:19Rat-o-van.
26:21Yeah,
26:21it's rat
26:22that's been run over
26:23by a van.
26:25No,
26:26thank you,
26:26Bordrick.
26:27Although,
26:28it gives me
26:29an idea.
26:31Telephone,
26:31please.
26:33I suppose
26:34Blackadder and his boys
26:35will have gone
26:35over the top by now, sir.
26:36Yes,
26:37God,
26:37I wish I was out there
26:38with them
26:39dodging the bullets
26:40instead of having to sit here
26:41drinking this Chateau Lafitte
26:42and eating these
26:44filets mignons
26:45with sauce bernese.
26:47My thoughts,
26:47exactly, sir.
26:49Damn this Chateau Lafitte.
26:51He's a very brave man,
26:52Blackadder.
26:53And, of course,
26:54that lieutenant of his,
26:55George.
26:56Cambridge man,
26:57you know.
26:57His uncle Bertie and I
26:59used to break wind
27:00for our college.
27:02Slightly, um,
27:04unusual taste,
27:05this sauce bernese.
27:06Yes, sir.
27:07And to be quite frank,
27:08these,
27:08these mignons
27:09are a little,
27:11well...
27:12What?
27:13Well,
27:14dungy.
27:15What on earth
27:16is wrong
27:17without cook?
27:18Well,
27:19it's a rather
27:19strange story, sir.
27:21Oh?
27:21Tell, tell.
27:23Well, sir,
27:24I received a phone call
27:25this afternoon
27:25from Pope Gregory IX
27:27telling me
27:28that our cook
27:29had been selected
27:31for the England cricket team
27:32and must set sail
27:33for the West Indies
27:34immediately.
27:35Really?
27:36Barely a moment later,
27:37the phone rang again.
27:38It was a trio
27:40of wandering Italian chefs
27:41who happened to be
27:42in the area
27:42offering their services.
27:44So,
27:45I had the quartermaster
27:46take them on at once.
27:47Huh?
27:47Huh?
27:48Huh?
27:48Oh!
27:49Dumping Judas!
27:51Are you sure
27:52these are real raisins
27:53in this blood duff?
27:56Oh, yes.
27:57I'm sure they are, sir.
27:59Everything will be alright
28:00once the cream custard arrives.
28:06That was all jolly good fun, sir,
28:08but, dash it all,
28:09we appear to have missed
28:09the big push.
28:11Oh, damn,
28:11so we have.
28:14One thing puzzles me,
28:15Balric.
28:16How did you manage
28:17to get so much
28:18custard
28:19out of such a small cat?
28:21LAUGHTER
28:48MUSIC CONTINUES
29:02¶¶
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