- 5 hours ago
Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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#blackadder #rowanatkinson #britishcomedy #classiccomedy #mrbean #ukcomedy #comedygold #sitcom #retrotv #baldrick #blackadderedit #90scomedy #80scomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #comedyshow #britishtv #vintagecomedy #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #classicbritishcomedy #legendaryshows #comedymoments #sarcasm #historicalcomedy #dailymotion #tvclassics #iconicshows #retrohumor
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00:19¶¶
00:35Oh, Mr Blackadder?
00:37Leave me alone, Balric.
00:38If I'd wanted to talk to a vegetable, I'd have bought one at the market.
00:42Don't you want this message?
00:44No, thank you.
00:45God, I'm wasted here.
00:47There's no life for a man of noble blood being served into a master
00:50with the intellect of a jugged walrus and all the social graces of a potty.
00:56I'm wasted too.
00:57I've been thinking of bettering myself.
01:00Oh, really? How?
01:01I applied for the job of village idiot of Kensington.
01:04Oh, get anywhere?
01:06I got down to the last two, but I failed the final interview.
01:09Oh, what went wrong?
01:10I turned up.
01:12I thought you were such an idiot, you forgot to.
01:14Yes, I'm afraid my ambition stretched slightly further
01:17than professional idiocy in West London.
01:19I wouldn't even remember when I'm dead.
01:22I want books written about me.
01:23I want songs sung about me.
01:25And then hundreds of years from now, I want episodes from my life
01:29to be played out weekly at half past nine
01:31by some great heroic actor of the age.
01:35Yeah, and I could be played by some tiny tit in a beard.
01:40Quite. Now, what's this message?
01:41I thought you didn't want it.
01:43Well, I may do. It depends what it is.
01:44So, you do want it?
01:45Well, I don't know, do I? It depends what it is.
01:47Well, I can't tell you what it is unless you want to know.
01:49And you said you didn't want to know.
01:50And now I'm so confused, I don't know where I live or what my name is.
01:54Your name is of no importance.
01:56And you live in the pipe in the upstairs water closet.
02:00Oh, God.
02:00Was the man who gave you this by any chance
02:02a red-headed lunatic with a kilt and a claymore?
02:05Yeah, and the funny thing is, he looked exactly like you.
02:08My mad cousin, Macadder.
02:10The most dangerous man ever to wear a skirt in Europe.
02:14Yeah, he'd come in here playing the bagpipes,
02:17then he made a haggis, sang Auld Lang Syne
02:19and punched me in the face.
02:21Why?
02:22Because I called him a knock-kneed Scottish pillock.
02:25An unwise action, Baldrick,
02:27since mad Macadder is a homicidal maniac.
02:30My mother told me to stand up to homicidal maniacs.
02:33Yeah, so this is the same mother who confidently claims
02:35that you are a tall, handsome stallion of a man.
02:39I should treat her opinions with extreme caution.
02:42I love my mum.
02:43And I love chops and sauce, but I don't seek their advice.
02:46And I hate it when Macadder turns up.
02:49He's such a frog-eyed, beetle-browed basket case.
02:53He's the spitting image of you.
02:55No, he's not.
02:56About as similar as two completely dissimilar things in a pod.
03:01There's the old tartan throwback banging on about this time.
03:05They've come south for rebellion.
03:07Oh, God, surprise, surprise.
03:10Staying with Miggins, the time has come.
03:12Best sword in Scotland, insurrection, blood, large bowl of porridge.
03:18A rightful claim to the throne.
03:20He's mad.
03:21He's mad!
03:22He's madder than Mad Jack McMad,
03:25the winner of last year's Mr. Madman competition.
03:31The walrus awakes.
03:36Blackadder, notice anything unusual?
03:38Yes, sir.
03:39It's 11.30 in the morning and you're moving about.
03:43Is the bed on fire?
03:46Well, I wouldn't know.
03:47I've been out all night.
03:50Guess what I've been doing?
03:54Beagling, sir?
03:57Better even than that.
03:59Sink me, Blackadder,
04:00if I haven't just had the most wonderful evening of my life.
04:03Tell me all, sir.
04:04Well, as you know, when I set out, I looked divine.
04:07At the party, as I passed, all eyes turned.
04:10And I dare say, quite a few stomachs.
04:13Well, that's right.
04:14And then, these two ravishing beauties
04:17came up to me and whispered in my ear
04:19that they loved me.
04:22And what happened after you woke up, sir?
04:26This was no dream, Blackadder.
04:29Five minutes later, I was in a coach
04:30flying through the London night,
04:32bound for the ladies' home.
04:34Oh, and which ladies' home is this?
04:36A home for the elderly
04:37or a home for the mentally disadvantaged?
04:40No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
04:41No, this was Apsley House.
04:44Do you know it?
04:44Yes, sir.
04:45It is the seat of the Duke of Wellington.
04:47Those ladies, I fancy, would be his nieces.
04:50Oh, so you fancy them too?
04:51Well, I don't blame you.
04:52Bravo!
04:53Oh, I spent a night of ecstasy
04:55with a pair of Wellingtons, and I loved it.
04:58Yes, sir, it may interest you to know
05:00that the Iron Duke has always let it be known
05:02that he will kill in cold blood
05:04anyone who takes sexual advantage
05:06of any of his relatives.
05:07Yes, but big-nosed Wellington is in Spain
05:09fighting the French, you'll never know.
05:10No, on the contrary, sir.
05:11Wellington triumphed six months ago.
05:14I'm dead.
05:15It would seem so, sir.
05:18I'm going to pray, have I, Blackadder?
05:19Against throat slasher Wellington,
05:21the finest blade his majesty commands.
05:24Not really, no.
05:25Well, then I shall flee.
05:27How's your French, Blackadder?
05:28Parfait, monsieur,
05:29but I fear France would not be far enough.
05:32Well, how's your Mongolian?
05:33Do-lian.
05:34Chang-ha-tang-mato-mato-mato.
05:37But I fear Wellington is a close personal friend
05:39of the chief Mongol.
05:41They were at Eton together.
05:43I'm doomed, doomed as a dodo.
05:46Oh, my God, he's here!
05:47Wellington's here already!
05:49Oh, your grace, forgive me, forgive me.
05:51I didn't know what I was doing.
05:52I was a mad, mad, sexually overactive fool.
05:55Sir, it's Baldrick.
05:56You're perfectly safe.
05:58Hurrah!
05:59Ah, until six o'clock tonight.
06:02Hurrah.
06:02From the Supreme Commander,
06:04Allied Forces Europe, sir.
06:06Prince or pauper,
06:07when a man soils a Wellington,
06:09he puts his foot in it.
06:12This is not a joke.
06:14I do not find my name remotely funny,
06:16and people who do end up dead.
06:19I challenge you to a duel tonight
06:21at 1,800 hours,
06:22in which you will die.
06:24And yours with sincere apologies
06:25for your impending violent slaughter,
06:27Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington.
06:29Sounds a nice, polite sort of bloke.
06:33No, don't worry, sir, please.
06:35Just consider that life is a valley of woe
06:38filled with pain, misery, hunger and despair.
06:41Well, not for me, it bloody isn't.
06:42As far as I'm concerned,
06:43life is a big palace full of food, drink and comfy sofas.
06:46May I speak, sir?
06:48Certainly not, Baldrick.
06:50The prince is about to die.
06:51The last thing he wants to do in his final moments
06:53is exchange pleasantries with a certified plum duff.
06:57Easy, Blackadder.
06:58Let's hear him out.
06:59Very well, Baldrick.
07:00We shall hear you out, then throw you out.
07:04Well, Your Majesty,
07:06I have a cunning plan
07:08which could get you out of this problem.
07:10Don't listen to him, sir.
07:11It's a cruel proletarian trick to raise your hopes.
07:14I shall have him shot
07:15the moment he's finished clearing away your breakfast.
07:17Wait, Blackadder,
07:18perhaps this disgusting, degraded creature
07:21is some sort of blessing in disguise?
07:23Well, if he is, it's a very good disguise.
07:25After all,
07:26did not our Lord send a lowly earthworm
07:28to comfort Moses in his torment?
07:30Nope.
07:32Well, it's the sort of thing you might have done.
07:34Well, come on, Mr. Spotsy, speak.
07:35Well, Your Majesty,
07:37I just thought,
07:38this Wellerton bloke's been in Europe for years.
07:41You don't know what he looks like.
07:43He don't know what you looks like.
07:44So why don't you get someone else
07:46to fight the duel instead of you?
07:49But I'm the Prince Regent.
07:51My portrait hangs on every wall.
07:53Answer that, Baldrick.
07:54Well, my cousin Bert Baldrick,
07:57Mr. Gainsborough's butler's dog's body,
07:59he says that he's heard
08:00that all portraits look the same these days
08:02because they're painted to a romantic ideal
08:04rather than as a true depiction
08:06of the idiosyncratic facial qualities
08:08of the person in question.
08:12Your cousin Bert obviously has a larger vocabulary
08:14than you do.
08:16No, no, no, he's right, damn him.
08:19Anybody could fight the duel.
08:20Willows would never know.
08:21All the same, sir,
08:22Baldrick's plan does seem to hinge
08:24on finding someone willing to commit suicide
08:27on your behalf.
08:28Oh, yes, yes, yes,
08:29but he would be fabulously rewarded.
08:31Money, titles, castle.
08:33A coffin, and...
08:35That's right.
08:35I thought maybe Mr. Blackadder himself
08:38would fancy the job.
08:40What a splendid idea.
08:42Excuse me, Your Highness.
08:43Trouble with the staff.
08:49Baldrick, does it have to be this way?
08:51A valued friendship ending with me
08:53cutting you into long strips
08:55and telling the Prince
08:56that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid
08:59in an extremely heavy hat?
09:01Mr. Blackadder,
09:03you was only just saying in the kitchen
09:04how you wanted to rise again.
09:06Now here the Prince is offering you the lot.
09:08But, tiny, tiny brain,
09:09the Iron Duke will kill me.
09:11To even think about taking him on,
09:13you'd have to be some kind of homicidal maniac
09:15who's fantastically good at fighting,
09:17like Macadder.
09:18Like Macadder.
09:19Like Macadder could fight the duel for me.
09:23My apologies, sir.
09:24I was just having a word
09:26with my insurance people.
09:28And obviously,
09:28I would be delighted to die on your behalf.
09:31God's toenails, Blackadder.
09:33I'm most damnably grateful.
09:34You won't regret this, you know.
09:35Well, that's excellent.
09:36There's just one point, sir.
09:38Ray, the suicide policy.
09:40There is an unusual clause
09:41which states that the policyholder
09:43must wear a big red wig
09:45and affect a Scottish accent
09:46in the combat zone.
09:48Small print, eh?
09:52Ah, Mrs. Miggins.
09:54Now I to gather
09:55from your look of pie-eyed exhaustion
09:57and the globules of porridge
09:58hanging off the wall
09:59that my cousin Macadder
10:01has presented his credentials.
10:03Oh, yes, indeed, sir.
10:05You've just missed him.
10:06I hope he's been practising
10:08with his claymore.
10:09Oh, I should say so.
10:11I'm as weary as a dog
10:13with no legs
10:14that's just climbed Ben Nevis.
10:16Claymore is a sword, Mrs. Miggins.
10:18See this intricate wood carving
10:20of the infant Samuel at prayer?
10:22He whittled that
10:23with the tip of his mighty weapon
10:25with his eyes closed.
10:27Yes, excuse me.
10:28He bid me bite on a plank.
10:30There was a whirlwind of steel
10:31and within a minute
10:32three men lay dead
10:33and I had a lovely new set of gnashers.
10:36Good morning.
10:37Well, look,
10:38just tell him to meet me here
10:39at five o'clock, will you,
10:40to discuss an extremely cunning plan.
10:42If all goes well,
10:43by tomorrow the clan of Macadder
10:45will be marching the high road
10:46back to glory.
10:47Oh, lovely.
10:49I'll do you a nice packed lunch.
10:51Good news, Your Highness.
10:53This evening I will carve the Duke
10:54into an attractive piece of furniture
10:56with some excellent dental work.
10:59Your Highness.
11:01Your Highness.
11:02Oh!
11:03Oh, thank God it's you, Blackadder.
11:05I've just had word from Wellington
11:06and he's on his way here now.
11:08Oh, that's awkward.
11:09The Duke must believe
11:10from the very start
11:11that I am you.
11:12Well, any ideas?
11:13There's no alternative, sir.
11:15We must swap clothes.
11:16Oh, fantastic.
11:18Yes, dressing up.
11:18I love it.
11:20It's like that story,
11:21the prince and the porpoise.
11:23And the pauper.
11:24Oh, yes, yes.
11:26The prince and the porpoise
11:27and the pauper.
11:31Excellent, excellent.
11:33Why, my own father
11:34wouldn't recognise me.
11:35Your own father never can.
11:37He's mad.
11:37Oh, yes, yes.
11:39Unfortunately, sir,
11:40you do realise
11:40that I shall have to treat you
11:42like a servant.
11:43Oh, I think I can cope with that.
11:45Thank you, Blackadder.
11:46And you'll have to get used
11:47to calling me
11:47Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:49Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:52No, just Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:54That's what I said.
11:55Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:57Your Highness, Your Highness.
11:59Yes, let's just leave that for now, shall we?
12:01Complicated stuff, obviously.
12:04Big Nose is here.
12:06But what?
12:07Who?
12:08Where?
12:09How?
12:10Don't even try to work it out, Baldrick.
12:12Two people you know well
12:13have exchanged coats
12:14and now you don't know
12:15which is which.
12:16I'm pretty confused myself.
12:18Which one of us is Wellington?
12:23Wellington is the man at the door.
12:26And the porpoise?
12:32Hasn't arrived yet, sir.
12:33We'll just have to fill in
12:35as best we can with that.
12:36Sir, if you would let the Duke in.
12:39Certainly, Your Highness, Your Highness.
12:43And you'd better get out too, Baldrick.
12:45Yes, Your Highness, Your Highness.
12:48If only they had a brain cell between them.
12:52The Duke of Wellington.
12:54Have I the honour of addressing the Prince Regent, sir?
12:57You do?
12:59Congratulations, Highness.
13:00Your bearing is far nobler than I've been informed.
13:03Take my hand at once, sir,
13:05unless you wish to feel my boot in your throat
13:06and be quicker about it than you were with a door.
13:09Yes, my lord.
13:09I'm a duke, not a lord.
13:11Don't you train a dago dancing class?
13:14Should I have my people thrash him for you, Highness?
13:16Um, no, he's very new.
13:18At the moment, I'm sparing the rod.
13:20Yeah, fatal error.
13:21Give him an inch,
13:21and before you know it, they've got a foot.
13:23Much more than that,
13:24you don't have a leg to stand on.
13:26Get out!
13:29Closer, to business.
13:31I'm informed that your royal father
13:33grows ever more eccentric,
13:35and at present he believes himself to be
13:36a small village in Lincolnshire,
13:41commanding spectacular views of the Neen Valley.
13:44I therefore pass my full account of the war
13:46onto you, the Prince of Wales.
13:48Oh, that's excellent. Thank you.
13:50We won.
13:51Signed, Wellington.
13:53That's something that went well.
13:55Was there anything else?
13:56Two other trifling affairs, sir.
13:58The men had a whip round and got you this.
14:00Well, what I mean is,
14:01I had the men roundly whipped until they got you this.
14:04It's a Cibarillo case,
14:06engraved with the regimental crest
14:07of two crossed dead Frenchmen
14:10emblaidled on a mound of dead Frenchmen motifs.
14:14Thank you very much.
14:15And the other trifling thing?
14:17Your impending death, highness.
14:19Oh, yes, of course.
14:20Mind like a sieve.
14:21I cannot deny.
14:23I'm looking forward to it.
14:24Britain has the finest trade,
14:25the finest armies,
14:26the finest navies in the world.
14:28And what do we have for royalty?
14:30A mad kraut sausage sucker
14:32and a son who can't keep his own sausage to himself.
14:36The sooner you're dead, the better.
14:38You're very kind.
14:39Now, you're no doubt anxious
14:40to catch up with the latest news of the war.
14:42I have here the most recent briefs
14:44from my general in the field.
14:45Yes, well, if you could just pop them
14:47in the laundry basket on the way out.
14:48Tea?
14:50Yes, immediately.
14:53Now, let's turn to the second front, my lord.
14:56Ah, yes.
14:57Now, as I understand it,
14:58Napoleon is in North Africa
15:01and Nelson is stationed in...
15:03Alaska, your highness.
15:04In case Boney should try and trick us
15:07by coming via the North Pole.
15:11Yes, perhaps a preferable stratagem, your grace,
15:13might be to harry him amidships
15:15as he leaves the Mediterranean.
15:17Ah, Trafalgar might be quite a good...
15:20Trafalgar?
15:20Well, I'll mention it to Nelson.
15:23I must say, I'm beginning to regret
15:24the necessity of killing you, your highness.
15:26I've been told by everybody
15:27that the prince was a confounded moron.
15:29Oh, no, no, no, no.
15:30Oh, Helen Buckshot,
15:32here's that tiresome servant of yours again.
15:34Oh, budge up, budge up.
15:36How dare you sit, sir,
15:38in the presence of your beggars?
15:40Get up!
15:40Oh, crotch, yes, I forgot.
15:41You speak when you're spoken to.
15:44Unless you'd rather be flayed across a gun carriage.
15:46Well?
15:49Sir, sir, I fear you have been too long a soldier.
15:52We no longer treat servants that way
15:53in London society.
15:55Why, I hardly touched the man.
15:57I think you hit him very hard.
15:59Nonsense!
16:00That would have been a hard hit.
16:02I just hit him like that.
16:05No, sir.
16:06A soft hit would be like this.
16:09Whereas you hit him like this.
16:19I wonder if I might be excused,
16:21your highness, your highness.
16:25I'm sorry about that, sir,
16:26but one has to keep up the pretense.
16:28I don't quite understand.
16:29You carry on the good work.
16:31Very well, sir.
16:34There you are.
16:35This is bloody coffee.
16:37I ordered tea.
16:40Bloody fool, aren't you?
16:41I heard everywhere that the prince was the imbecile,
16:44whereas his servant, Blackadder,
16:45was respected about the town.
16:47Now that I discover the truth,
16:48I'm disposed to beat you to death.
16:50Tea!
16:59Tell me,
17:00did you ever stop bullying and shouting
17:02at the lower orders?
17:03Never!
17:03There's only one way to win a campaign.
17:06Shout, shout, and shout again!
17:08You don't think, then,
17:09that inspired leadership and tactical ability
17:11have anything to do with it?
17:14No!
17:15It's all down to shouting!
17:17Ah!
17:19I hear that conditions in your army are appalling.
17:22Well, I'm sorry,
17:23but those are my conditions,
17:24and you'll just have to accept them.
17:26That is, until this evening,
17:28when I shall kill you.
17:29Hmm.
17:29Who knows?
17:30Maybe I shall kill you.
17:32Dear nonsense!
17:33I've never been so much as scratched.
17:35My skin is as smooth as a baby's bottom.
17:38It is more than you can say for my bottom.
17:43I should perhaps warn you
17:45that while dueling,
17:46I tend to put on my lucky wig
17:48and regimental accent.
17:50That won't help you.
17:52It would take a homicidal maniac
17:54in a claymore and a kilt
17:55to get the better of me.
17:58Well, that's handy.
18:00I tell you, Paul,
18:02I'm not leaving this kitchen
18:03until that man is out of the house.
18:05It's all right, Your Majesty.
18:07Don't worry.
18:08I'll deal with this.
18:10Hello, Baldrick.
18:11I've brought you buns.
18:13Where's Mr Blackadder?
18:14Oh, not upstairs,
18:16still running about
18:16after that
18:17port-swilling,
18:19tadpole-brained,
18:20smelly-boots.
18:22I don't know who you mean.
18:25Prince George, Baldrick.
18:27His boots smell so bad
18:29a man would need to have
18:29his nose amputated
18:31before taking them off.
18:32Well, that's what Mr Blackadder says.
18:35That's a joke.
18:36Didn't you write a little poem
18:37about him last week?
18:39No, I didn't.
18:40Oh, you did.
18:42In the winter, it's cool.
18:43In the summer, it's hot.
18:45But all the year round,
18:46Prince George is a clot.
18:49Lovely.
18:50I said Prince George is a lovely.
18:52Oh, well.
18:53Well, that'll be off, anyway.
18:55Tell Mr Blackadder
18:56to expect Mr Macadder
18:58at five o'clock
18:58as soon as that fat
19:00Prussian truffle pig
19:01has got his
19:02snout wedged
19:03into a bucket
19:04of tea cakes.
19:06I think it must be
19:08next door
19:08you're wanting
19:09strange woman
19:10who I've never seen
19:11before, Mrs Miggins.
19:14Baldrick.
19:15Yes, Your Highness.
19:16Is it true
19:18did you really write
19:19a poem about
19:20how lovely I am?
19:24Yes.
19:25And Mr Blackadder
19:26loves you too.
19:28Well, I must say,
19:29I find that very touching.
19:30I do.
19:31I wish they wouldn't
19:33keep on doing that.
19:34Well, goodbye, sir.
19:36And may the best man win.
19:37I.E.
19:38Me.
19:40Your tea, sir.
19:41You're late!
19:42Well, how have you been
19:43for in India?
19:46Or Salon?
19:49China!
19:52And don't bother
19:53to show me the way out.
19:54I don't want to die
19:55of old age
19:55before I get to the front door.
19:58Ah, my goodness.
20:00So, where's Macadder?
20:01I thought he was going
20:01to be here at five o'clock.
20:03Yes, I'm sorry.
20:04He's just popped out.
20:06You look,
20:07I'm ever so similar
20:08to each other, you know.
20:09It's quite eerie.
20:10Look, did you tell him
20:11to be here or not?
20:11I did, I did.
20:13You just seem to keep
20:13missing each other.
20:15I can't imagine why.
20:17I'll tell you here why.
20:19That's because there's no
20:20coffee shop in England
20:21big enough for two black adders.
20:23Ah, good day, cousin Macadder.
20:26I trust you are well?
20:27I'm well enough.
20:29And Morag?
20:30She bides fine.
20:32And how stands that mighty army,
20:34the clan Macadder?
20:35They're both well.
20:38I always thought that Jamie and Angus
20:40were such fine boys.
20:42Angus is a girl.
20:45So, tell me, cousin,
20:47I hear you have a cunning plan.
20:49I do, I do.
20:51I want you to take the place
20:53of the Prince Regent
20:54and kill the Duke of Wellington
20:56in a duel.
20:57Aye, and what's in it for me?
20:59Enough cash to buy
21:00the Outer Hebrides.
21:01What do you think?
21:03Fourteen shillings and sixpence.
21:05Well, it's tempting.
21:07But I've got an even better plan.
21:09Why don't I pretend
21:10to be the Duke of Wellington
21:12and kill the Prince of Wales
21:13in a duel?
21:14Then I could kill the king
21:15and be crowned
21:16with the ancient stone bonnet
21:18of Macadder.
21:19And I shall wear
21:21the granite gown
21:22and limestone bodice
21:23of MacMiggins,
21:24queen of all the herds.
21:27Look, for God's sake,
21:28Macadder,
21:28you're not Rob Roy.
21:30You're a top kipper salesman
21:31with a reputable firm
21:33of Aberdeen fishmongers.
21:34Don't throw it all away.
21:36If you kill the Prince,
21:37they'll just send the bailiffs
21:38round and arrest you.
21:39Oh, blast.
21:40I forgot the bailiffs.
21:42So we can return
21:43to our original plan, then?
21:44No, I'm not interested.
21:46I'd rather go to bed
21:47with the Loch Lohman monster.
21:48Look, and besides,
21:49I have to be back
21:50in the office on Friday.
21:51I promised Mr McNulty
21:52I'd shift a particularly
21:54difficult bloater for him.
21:56I did the whole thing.
21:58I'm off home with Migsy.
22:00Yes, yes.
22:01Show me the glen
22:02where the kipper roams free.
22:04And forget Morag forever.
22:07No, never.
22:08We must do right by Morag.
22:10We must return to Scotland
22:11and you must fight her
22:12in the old Highland way.
22:13Bare-breasted
22:14and each carrying
22:15an eight-pound baby.
22:16Oh, yes.
22:19Babies.
22:19Punk.
22:20My, you're a woman of spirit.
22:22I look forward to burying you
22:23in the old Highland manor.
22:25Farewell, Blackadder,
22:26you spineless goon.
22:31Fortune vomits
22:32on my Eiderdown once.
22:37Ah, Blackadder.
22:38It has been a wild afternoon
22:40full of strange omens.
22:42I dreamt that a large eagle
22:44circled the room three times
22:46and then got into bed with me
22:47and took all the blankets.
22:49And then I saw
22:50that it wasn't an eagle at all
22:51but a large black snake.
22:53Also, Duncan's horses
22:54did turn and eat each other
22:56as usual.
22:58Good portents
22:59for your duel, do you think?
23:00Not very good, sir.
23:01I'm afraid the duel is off.
23:03Off?
23:03As in sod.
23:05I'm not doing it.
23:06White Thunder,
23:07here's a pretty game.
23:08You will stay, sir,
23:09and do duty by your prince
23:11or I shall...
23:12Oh, what?
23:13You port-brained twerp.
23:15I've looked after you
23:16all my life.
23:17Even when we were babies,
23:19I had to show you
23:20which bit of your mother
23:20was serving the drinks.
23:23Oh, please, please,
23:24you've got to help me.
23:25I don't want to die.
23:26I've got so much to give.
23:28I want more time.
23:29A poignant plea, sir,
23:30enough to melt
23:31the stoniest of hearts
23:32but the answer,
23:33I'm afraid,
23:33must remain
23:34you're going to die,
23:35fat pig.
23:37Oh, wait, wait, wait.
23:39I'll give you everything.
23:43Everything?
23:43Everything.
23:44The money,
23:45the castles,
23:46the jewellery?
23:46Yes.
23:47The highly artistic
23:48but also highly illegal
23:49set of French lithographs?
23:51Everything.
23:52The amusing clock
23:53where the little man
23:54comes out
23:54and drops his trousers
23:55every half hour?
23:57Yes, yes, all right.
23:58Very well, I accept.
23:59A man may fight
24:01for many things.
24:02His country,
24:03his principles,
24:03his friends,
24:04the glistening tear
24:05on the cheek
24:06of a golden child.
24:07But personally,
24:08I'd mud-wrestle
24:09my own mother
24:10for a ton of cash,
24:11an amusing clock
24:12and a sack
24:13of French porn.
24:15Yeah, right.
24:16Hurrah!
24:19Right, Baldrick,
24:20now here's the plan.
24:21When he offers me
24:22the swords,
24:23I kick him in the nuts
24:24and you set fire
24:25to the building.
24:27In the confusion,
24:28we claim a draw.
24:29Yes.
24:29Ah, your highness,
24:31let's be about our business.
24:33Now, don't forget, Baldrick,
24:34you, when I...
24:37Come, sir,
24:38choose your stuka.
24:42What, are we going
24:43to tickle each other to death?
24:45No, sir,
24:46we fight with cannon.
24:48But I thought
24:48what we're fighting
24:49was swords.
24:50Swords?
24:51What do you think this is?
24:52The Middle Ages?
24:53Only girls fight
24:54with swords these days.
24:57Stand by your gun, sir.
24:58Up to three.
24:59Up to three.
25:00Look, wait a minute.
25:01Fuck a...
25:01Stand by, cannon
25:02for loading procedure.
25:04Stoke, muzzle,
25:06branch, crank,
25:07the storage barrel.
25:08Congratulations on choosing
25:09the Armstrong Whitworth
25:12four-pounder cannonette.
25:15Please read instructions carefully
25:17and it should give you
25:18years of trouble-free maiming.
25:22Check elevation,
25:24chart trajectory,
25:25prime fuse,
25:27aim.
25:28Look, wait a minute.
25:29Fire!
25:33Mr. B, sir,
25:34please,
25:35help me get his coat off.
25:36Leave it, Baldrick.
25:37It doesn't matter.
25:38Yes, it does.
25:39Blood's hell to shift.
25:40Don't want to get it in soap.
25:42You die like a man, sir,
25:44in combat.
25:45You think so?
25:47Damn it,
25:47we must build a better world.
25:49When will the killing end?
25:50You don't think I, too,
25:52dream of peace?
25:53You don't think I, too,
25:54yearn to end
25:55this damn dirty job
25:57we call soldiering?
25:59Frankly, no.
26:00My final wish upon this earth
26:01is that Baldrick be sold
26:03to provide funds
26:04for a Blackadder foundation
26:05to promote peace
26:07and to do research
26:08into the possibility
26:09of an automatic machine
26:10for cleaning shoes.
26:12So I charge...
26:16His highness is dead.
26:18Actually, I'm not sure I am.
26:20Fortunately,
26:21that cigarillo box
26:22you gave me
26:23was placed exactly
26:24at the point
26:25the cannonball struck.
26:27I always said
26:28smoking was good for you.
26:31Honour is satisfied.
26:33God clearly preserves you
26:35for greatness.
26:36His highness is saved.
26:37Hurrah!
26:39Um, no, actually.
26:40It's me.
26:41I'm his highness.
26:42Well done, Bladders.
26:43Glad you made it.
26:44What in the name
26:45of Bonaparte's balls
26:47is this the old...
26:48We know!
26:48No, no,
26:49I really am the prince.
26:50It was all just larks.
26:51Well, I'm going to find larks
26:52at that, I thought.
26:53I have never,
26:54in all my campaigns,
26:56encountered such insolence.
26:58Your master survives
26:59an honourable duel
27:00and you cheek him
27:01like a French whoopsie.
27:03I can contain myself
27:04no longer.
27:08I die.
27:10I hope men will say
27:11of me that
27:12I did duty
27:13by my country.
27:14I think that's
27:15pretty unlikely, sir.
27:17If I was you,
27:17I'd try for something
27:18a bit more realistic.
27:20Like what?
27:20You hope that men
27:21will think of you
27:22as a bit of a thickie?
27:24All right, then.
27:25I'll hope that.
27:25Toodaloo, everyone.
27:26Let you know and all that.
27:28Your Majesty,
27:29the King of England.
27:31Somebody told me
27:32my son was here.
27:34I wish him
27:35to marry
27:37this rosebush
27:38and I want to make
27:40the wedding arrangements.
27:44Here I am,
27:46Daddy.
27:47This is the Iron Duke,
27:49Wellington,
27:49commander of all your armed forces.
27:50Yes,
27:51I recognize
27:52the enormous conch.
27:54He's a hero,
27:55a man of wit and discretion.
27:57Bravo.
27:58You know my son
28:00for the first time
28:00in my life.
28:01I'm real fatherly
28:03feeling about you.
28:05People may say
28:06I'm stark raving mad
28:07and say the word
28:09penguin
28:09after each sentence.
28:11I believe
28:12we too
28:13can make Britain great.
28:15You as the prince regent
28:17and I
28:18as King Penguin.
28:20Well, let's hope, eh?
28:22Wellington,
28:23will you come and dine
28:24with us at the palace?
28:25My family
28:26have a lot
28:26to thank you for.
28:27Yeah,
28:28it will be a great pleasure.
28:28Your father
28:29may be as mad
28:30as a balloon
28:30but I think
28:31you have the makings
28:32of a fine king.
28:33Ah,
28:34the wunderbare
28:34Hochzeit,
28:35ja?
28:36Owen Baldrick,
28:38clear away
28:38that dead butler,
28:40will you?
28:44A new star
28:45in heaven tonight.
28:47A new freckle
28:48on the nose
28:48of the giant pixie.
28:51Um, no, actually,
28:53Baldrick,
28:53I'm not dead.
28:54You see,
28:54I had a cigarillo box too.
28:56Look.
28:58Oh, damn,
28:58I must have left it
28:59on the dresser.
29:01LAUGHTER
29:02LAUGHTER
29:10ALA...
29:11Oh, damn,
29:16oh, damn.
29:16ALA!
29:24ALA!
29:26ALA!
29:26OH!
29:31BUZZER
29:44Black Adam
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