Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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FunTranscript
00:01Fire, land, center.
00:04Trick, dodge.
00:17Fire, it's right.
00:27Fire, it's right.
00:41You'd like to book a table for three, by the window, for 9.30pm,
00:46not too near the band, in the name of Oberleutnant von Gentzler.
00:53Yes, yes, I think you might have the wrong number.
00:58That's all right.
01:00Another cross line here, sir.
01:02That phone system is a shambles.
01:04No wonder we haven't had any orders.
01:05On the contrary, George, we've had plenty of orders.
01:07We've had orders for six metres of Hungarian crushed velvet curtain material,
01:12four rock salmon and a haphaz of chips,
01:15and a cab for a Mr Redgrave picking up from 14 Arnos Grove Ring Top Bell.
01:23Sir, but we don't want those sort of orders.
01:25We want orders to death or glory.
01:26What are we going to give Fritz a taste of our British spunk?
01:30George, please.
01:32No one is more anxious to advance than I am,
01:35but until they get these communication problems sorted out,
01:37I'm afraid we're stuck.
01:41Captain Blackadder speaking.
01:43No, I'm afraid the line's very...
01:47Hello?
01:48Hello, Captain Blackadder.
01:49Hello?
01:54Schnell, schnell, cut off a cup.
01:57I said, there's a terrible line at my end.
02:01You're to advance on the enemy at once.
02:10A wandering minstrel, I am...
02:16Gale Force 8.
02:20Professor, come on, sir, what's the message?
02:21I'm on tenterhooks, do tell.
02:23Well, as far as I can tell, the message was,
02:25he's got a terrible lion up his end,
02:27so there's an advantage to an enema at once.
02:31Damn!
02:32Message from HQ, sir.
02:34Ah, now, this'll be it.
02:35A telegram ordering in advance.
02:37Hmm, yes, I'm afraid not, George.
02:39It is a telegram, it is ordering in advance,
02:41but it seems to be addressed to someone called
02:43Cat Payne Blackadder.
02:45Do you know a Cat Payne Blackadder, George?
02:47Well, it rings a bell, but...
02:49No.
02:50No, me neither.
02:52Oh, well.
02:53Go away, George.
02:54I'm sure if they want to contact us, they'll find a way.
02:56Pigeon, sir!
02:57Pigeon, there's a pigeon in our trench.
02:59Ah, now, this'll be it.
03:02Yes!
03:02It's one of the king's carrier pigeons.
03:05No, it isn't.
03:06That pigeon couldn't carry the king.
03:09Hasn't got a tray or anything.
03:11Lieutenant, revolver, please.
03:13Oh, now, sir, you really shouldn't do this, you know.
03:16Come on, George, with 50,000 men getting killed a week,
03:18who's going to miss a pigeon?
03:25Well, not you, obviously, sir.
03:28In any case, it's scarcely a court-martial offence.
03:31Get plucking, Bullrick.
03:33All right, sir, look, it's got a little ring round its leg.
03:37There's a novelty.
03:38Oh, really? Is there a paper hat as well?
03:41No, but there's a joke.
03:43Read it out, sir.
03:45Well, it's a bit charred.
03:46It's a something-something at once.
03:48P.S.
03:49Due to communication crisis,
03:51the shooting of carrier pigeons is now a court-martial offence.
03:57Let's see what's funny about that, sir.
03:59It's not funny.
04:00It's deadly serious.
04:01We're in trouble.
04:02So, I shall eat the evidence for lunch.
04:05And if anyone asks you any questions at all,
04:08we didn't receive any messages
04:09and we definitely did not shoot
04:11this delicious, plump-breasted pigeon.
04:15Mmm.
04:17Delicious.
04:18Hey!
04:19Blackadder!
04:20Catch it!
04:21And why, Captain,
04:22are you not advancing across new man's land?
04:25Well, sir,
04:26called me a bluff old traditionalist,
04:27but I was always taught to wait for the order to attack
04:30before attacking.
04:31You're trying to tell me you haven't received any orders?
04:34What the hell are you playing at, darling?
04:37That's a blatant lie, sir.
04:38I spoke to Blackadder less than an hour ago.
04:40Yes, you did.
04:40To tell me some gobbledygook
04:42about having a lion up your bottom.
04:45As I thought,
04:46it's the old communications problem again.
04:48Stand easy.
04:49Action on this is imperative.
04:50Take that down, darling.
04:52Yes, sir.
04:52Also, make a note of the word gobbledygook.
04:55I like it.
04:56I want to use it more often in conversation.
04:58Yes, sir.
04:59I must say, sir,
05:00I find this all very unlikely.
05:01Not only did I telephone Blackadder,
05:03but as you'll recall,
05:04we sent him a telegram and a carrier pigeon.
05:06Did you?
05:08Are you telling us you haven't had a pigeon, Blackadder?
05:15Come on, man, you must have done.
05:17I sent our top bird, Speckled Jim,
05:20my own true love,
05:22who's been with me since I was a nipper.
05:24To business.
05:25I'm giving you your order to advance now.
05:28Synchronised watches, gentlemen.
05:29Private, what is the time?
05:32We didn't receive any messages
05:34and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot
05:37this delicious plump-breasted pigeon, sir.
05:41What?
05:42Would you want to be cremated, Morrick,
05:44or buried at sea?
05:47Oh, hello.
05:49Lieutenant, do you mind answering a couple of questions?
05:52Not at all, sir.
05:53We didn't get any messages.
05:54Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot
05:57this delicious plump-breasted pigeon.
05:59Thanks, George.
06:01And look, sir.
06:02Pigeon feathers.
06:03White feathers.
06:04Very apt, eh, Blackadder?
06:06White feathers?
06:07Oh, no, sir.
06:09That's Gobbled-A-Duke.
06:11They're not white.
06:12They're sort of speckly.
06:14Speckly?
06:15Ah!
06:17You shot my speckled, Jim!
06:20You're for it now, Blackadder.
06:22Quite frankly, sir, I've suspected this for some time.
06:24Quite clearly, Captain Blackadder has been disobeying orders
06:26with a breathtaking impertinence.
06:28I don't care if he's been rogering the Duke of York
06:31with a prize-winning leak.
06:33He shot my pigeon!
06:36Easy, sir!
06:37Easy, sir!
06:38Take it easy, sir!
06:39I think we should do this by the book, sir.
06:41Yes.
06:42Yes, you're right, of course.
06:43I'm...
06:43I'm sorry.
06:45Take attention!
06:48Captain Blackadder,
06:50as of this moment,
06:51you may consider yourself under arrest.
06:54You know what the penalty is for disobeying orders, Blackadder?
06:57Um...
06:58Court-martial followed by immediate cessation of chocolate rations?
07:02No.
07:03Court-martial followed by immediate death by firing squad.
07:07Oh.
07:08So I got it half right.
07:12All settled in and happy hour with them, sir.
07:15Written all our last goodbyes.
07:16Oh, no need for that, Perkins.
07:18I've just dashed off a couple of notes.
07:20One asking for a sponge bag,
07:21and the other sending for my lawyer.
07:23Oh, your lawyer, yes, sir.
07:24Now, don't you think that might be a bit of a waste of money, sir?
07:28Not when he's the finest mind in English legal history.
07:32Ever heard of Bob Massingbird?
07:33Oh, yes, indeed.
07:34A most gifted gentleman.
07:36Quite.
07:37I remember Massingbird's most famous case.
07:39The case of the bloody knife.
07:41A man was found next to a murdered body.
07:44He had the knife in his hand.
07:45Thirteen witnesses had seen him stab the victim.
07:48And when the police arrived, he said,
07:50I'm glad I killed the bastard.
07:53Massingbird not only got him off,
07:55he got him knighted in the New Year's honours list.
07:57And the relatives of the victim
07:59had to pay to have the blood washed out of his jacket.
08:01And he's a dad bandit at the prosecution as well, sir.
08:04Yes.
08:04Well, look at Oscar Wilde.
08:06Oh, butch Oscar.
08:08A big-bearded, bonking butch Oscar.
08:11The Terror of the Ladies.
08:13114 illegitimate children.
08:15World heavyweight boxing champion.
08:17And author of the best-selling pamphlet
08:18Why I Like to Do It With Girls.
08:22And Massingbird had him sent down for being a whoopsie.
08:29Ah, Balric.
08:30Anything from Massingbird yet?
08:31Yes, sir.
08:31Just arrived, sir.
08:33What is it?
08:34A sponge bag, sir.
08:37A sponge bag?
08:38Yes, sir.
08:39Balric, I gave you two notes.
08:41You sent the note asking for a sponge bag
08:44to the finest mind in English legal history.
08:47Certainly did, sir.
08:48And you sent the note requesting legal representation to...
08:53Well, tally-ho with a b, with a ball, and a buzz, buzz, buzz.
08:57Oh, good God.
08:59I say, first of all, sir, that I am deeply, deeply honoured.
09:03Balric, I'll deal with you later.
09:05Do I understand that you were going to represent me at the court-martial?
09:08Absolutely, sir.
09:09Well, it's a sort of family tradition, really.
09:10My uncle's a lawyer, you know?
09:11Your uncle's a lawyer, but you're not.
09:14Oh, good Lord, no.
09:15I'm an absolute duffer at this sort of thing, no.
09:18In the school debating society,
09:19I was voted the boy least likely to complete a coherent...
09:25Er...
09:25Sentence?
09:26That's it, yes, yes.
09:28But anyway, my dear old friend, it's an honour to serve.
09:31George, I'm in deep trouble here.
09:33I need to construct a case that's as watertight as a mermaid's brassiere.
09:37I'm not sure your particular brand of mindless optimism
09:40is going to contribute much to the proceedings.
09:42Well, that's a shame, sir,
09:43because I was planning on playing the mindless optimism card
09:46pretty strongly during the trial.
09:47I beg your pardon?
09:48Yes, I've already planned my closing address
09:50based on that very theme.
09:52Oh, go on, let him off, Your Honour, please!
09:54After all, it's a lovely day,
09:56pretty clouds, trees, birds, etc.
09:58I rest my case.
10:00So, counsel, with that summing up in mind,
10:03what do you think my chances are?
10:04Well, not all that good, I'm afraid.
10:06As far as I can tell,
10:07you're as guilty as a puppy sitting next to a pile of poo.
10:16I'm sorry I'm late, my love.
10:18But anyway, let me open my defence straight away
10:21by saying that I've known this man for three years.
10:24He's an absolutely caulking chap.
10:26George.
10:27Yes, sir?
10:28That's the clerk of the court.
10:30Who is it?
10:31Oh, sorry.
10:31We haven't started yet.
10:36Good luck, placard.
10:38Well, thank you, darling.
10:41And what's your big job here today?
10:44Straightening chairs?
10:46No.
10:47In fact, I'm appearing for the prosecution.
10:49I wouldn't raise your hopes too much.
10:50You're guilty as hell.
10:51You haven't got a chance.
10:52Why, thank you, darling.
10:53And I hope your mother dies in a freak yachting accident.
11:00Just doing my job, Blackadder.
11:01Obeying orders.
11:03And, of course, having enormous fun into the bargain.
11:07I wouldn't be too confident if I were you.
11:09Any reasonably impartial judge is bound to let me off.
11:12Well, absolutely.
11:14Who is the judge, by the way?
11:15Ben!
11:17I'm dead.
11:19Yeah, come on, then.
11:20Come on.
11:20Get us over in five minutes.
11:22We can have a spot at lunch.
11:24Right.
11:25Oh!
11:26Ah!
11:27The court is now in session.
11:29General Sir Anthony Sissel Hognet melt it in the chair.
11:32The case before us is that of the Crown versus Captain Edmund Blackadder,
11:37the Flanders pigeon murderer.
11:41Oh, um, Clark, hand me the black cap, shall we?
11:44I'll be needing them.
11:46I love a fair trial.
11:50Anything to say before we kick off, Captain Darling?
11:52May it please the court?
11:53As this is clearly an open and shut case,
11:55I beg leave to bring a private prosecution against the Defence Council
11:58for wasting the court's time.
12:00Granted.
12:00The Defence Council is fined £50 for turning up.
12:05This is fun.
12:06This is just like a real court.
12:08Right.
12:08Let the trial begin.
12:10The charge before us is that the Flanders pigeon murderer
12:14did deliberately, callously,
12:17and with beastliness of forethought,
12:20murder a lovely, innocent pigeon
12:24and disobeyed some orders as well.
12:27Is this true?
12:28Perfectly true, sir.
12:29I was there.
12:33Thanks, George.
12:35Damn, damn it!
12:37Right, Council for the Defence, get on with it.
12:39Oh, right, yes, yes, right.
12:41Um, yes.
12:41I'd like to call my first witness Captain Darling.
12:46You wish to call the Council for the Prosecution as a Defence witness?
12:50That's right.
12:51Don't worry, sir.
12:52Well, I've got it all under control.
12:55You are Captain Darling of the General Staff?
12:58I am.
13:01Captain, leaving aside the incident in question,
13:04would you think of Captain Blackadder as the sort of man
13:07who would usually ignore orders?
13:09Yes, I would.
13:12Ah, um, are you sure?
13:15I was rather banking on you saying no, then.
13:19I'm sure.
13:20In fact, I have a list of other orders he's disobeyed,
13:23if it would be useful.
13:26May the 16th, 9.15 a.m.
13:2910.23 a.m.
13:3110.24 a.m.
13:3211.17 a.m.
13:34You missed one out there.
13:3510.30 a.m.
13:3611.46 a.m.
13:39Oh, yes, yes, thank you, Captain.
13:40No further questions.
13:43Well done, George.
13:44You really had him on the ropes.
13:47Don't worry, old man.
13:48I have a last, and I think you'll find decisive witness.
13:51Call Private Baldrick.
13:52Call Private Baldrick.
13:57Deny everything, Baldrick.
14:03Are you Private Baldrick?
14:05No.
14:09Oh, um, but you are Captain Blackadder's Batman.
14:13No.
14:17Come on, Baldrick, be a bit more helpful.
14:19It's me.
14:19No, he isn't.
14:21Sir, I must protest.
14:23Quite right.
14:23We don't need your kind here, Private.
14:25Get out.
14:26Now, George, some up, please.
14:27Right, yes.
14:31All right, thanks.
14:34Gentlemen, you have heard all the evidence presented before you today,
14:38but in the end, it is up to the conscience of your hearts to decide,
14:41and I firmly believe that, like me, you will conclude that Captain Blackadder
14:44is, in fact, totally and utterly guilty.
14:55Of nothing more than trying to do his duty under difficult circumstances.
15:03Nonsense.
15:03He's a hound and a rotter, and he's going to be shot.
15:05However, before we proceed to the formality of sentencing the deceased,
15:10I mean the defendant,
15:15I think we'd all rather enjoy hearing the case for the prosecution, Captain Darling, if you please.
15:19Sir, my case is very simple.
15:22I call my first witness, General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogman A. Melchick.
15:29Clever, clever.
15:33General, did you own a lovely, plump, speckly pigeon
15:40called Speckled Jim, which you hand-reared from a chick
15:44and which was your only childhood friend?
15:46Yes, yes, I did.
15:49And did Captain Blackadder shoot the aforementioned pigeon?
15:51Yes, he did.
15:52Can you see Captain Blackadder anywhere in this courtroom?
15:56That's him!
15:57That's him!
15:57That's the man!
15:59No more questions, sir!
16:01No, no, excellent first class.
16:03Get the way, come on.
16:05I therefore have absolutely no hesitation
16:10in announcing that the sentence of this court is
16:13that you, Captain Edmund Blackadder,
16:15be taken from this place and suffer death by shooting tomorrow at dawn.
16:20Do you have anything to say?
16:23Yes.
16:24Could I have an alarm call, please?
16:29Happy to see you, Captain.
16:31What does he look like?
16:32Sure, it's ugly.
16:33Hello, Baldrick.
16:36I'll pour you some food, sir, for your final breakfast tomorrow.
16:41Ah, so you're not pinning much hope on a last-minute reprieve, then?
16:45No, sir, you are as dead as some dodoos.
16:48The expression, Baldrick, is as a dodo.
16:51Dead as a dodo.
16:53Well, I'll leave you to it, then, shall I?
16:57Do not despair, sir.
16:59All my talk of food was just a dead herring.
17:03In fact, I have a cunning plan.
17:06This is not food, but an escape kit.
17:09Good Lord!
17:11With a saw, a hammer, a chisel, a gun, a change of clothes,
17:15a Swiss passport and a huge false moustache,
17:17I may just stand a chance.
17:19Ah.
17:21Let's see, what have we here?
17:23A small, painted, wooden duck.
17:26Yeah, I thought if you get caught near water,
17:29you can balance it on the top of your head
17:31as a brilliant disguise.
17:35Yes.
17:36I would, of course, have to escape first.
17:38Ah, but what's this?
17:40Unless I'm much mistaken, a hammer and a chisel.
17:42You are much mistaken.
17:44A pencil and a miniature trumpet.
17:48Yeah, a pencil so you can drop me a postcard
17:51to tell me how the breakout went,
17:53and a small, little, tiny, miniature trumpet
17:56in case, during your escape,
17:57you have to win favour with a difficult child.
18:01Perfect.
18:02I don't want to spend my last precious hours
18:05rummaging through this feeble collection of stocking fillers.
18:09Let me just ask you some simple questions.
18:10Is there a saw in this bag?
18:12No.
18:13A hammer?
18:14No.
18:14A chisel?
18:15No.
18:15A gun?
18:15No.
18:16A false passport?
18:18No.
18:20A change of clothes?
18:21Yes, sir, of course.
18:22I wouldn't forget a change of clothes.
18:24Ah, well, that's something.
18:25Let's see.
18:29A Robin Hood costume.
18:32Yeah, I put in a French peasant's outfit first,
18:35but then I thought,
18:36what if you arrive in a French peasant's village
18:38and they're in the middle of a fancy dress party?
18:41And what if I arrive in a French peasant village
18:44dressed in a Robin Hood costume
18:45and there isn't a fancy dress party?
18:48Well, to be quite frank,
18:50so I didn't consider that eventuality,
18:52because if you did,
18:53you'd stick out like a...
18:55Like a man standing in a lake
18:56with a small painted wooden duck on his head?
18:59Exactly.
19:00Excuse me, sir.
19:02All right, um, thank you, Baldrick.
19:05We'll finish this picnic later.
19:07Yum, yum.
19:10Do you mind if I disturb you for a moment, sir?
19:12No, no, not at all.
19:14My diary's pretty empty this week.
19:16Let's see.
19:17Thursday morning, get shot.
19:19Yes, that's what it is, actually.
19:21Oh, good.
19:22It's just there's a few chaps out here
19:23who would like a bit of a chinwag.
19:25Oh, lovely.
19:25Always keen to meet new people.
19:27Corporal Jones and Privates,
19:28Fraser, Robinson and Tipple.
19:30Hello, Private.
19:31Hello.
19:33Well, nice of you to drop by.
19:40And what do you do?
19:43We're your firing squad, sir.
19:49Of course you are.
19:51Good-sized chest.
19:52Shut up, lad.
19:52Sir, you see, those firing squads
19:54are a bit like tax men, sir.
19:55Everyone hates us,
19:56but we're just doing our job,
19:58aren't we, lad?
19:59My heart bleeds for you.
20:01Well, sir, we aim to please.
20:05Just a little firing squad joke there, sir.
20:10You see, sir,
20:11we take pride in the terminatory service we supply.
20:15So is there any particular area
20:17you'd like us to go for?
20:19We can aim anywhere.
20:21Well, in that case,
20:21just above my head might be a good spot.
20:25You see, you see a laugh and a smile,
20:28and all of a sudden,
20:29the job doesn't seem quite so bad after all,
20:31does it, sir?
20:31Right?
20:32It's a lovely roomy for you.
20:33Yeah, good pulsing jugular there as well.
20:35Look, I'm sorry,
20:36I know you mean to be friendly,
20:38but I hope you won't take it amiss
20:39if I ask you to sod off and die.
20:42No, no, no, no, no, no, no, fair enough.
20:44Of course not, sir.
20:45No one likes being shot first thing in the morning, do they, lad?
20:47Of course not.
20:48No, no, no.
20:49So, look forward to seeing you tomorrow, sir.
20:51You'll have a blindfold on, of course,
20:53but you'll recognise me.
20:55I'm the one that says,
20:55ready, aim, fire.
20:58Can I ask you to leave a pause
20:59between the word aim
21:00and the word fire?
21:0230 or 40 years, perhaps.
21:07Oh, I wish I could, poor sir.
21:08I really wish I could,
21:09but I can't, you see,
21:10because I'm a gabler, me, you see.
21:12River!
21:13There's no style,
21:14no finesse.
21:16But, you know,
21:16it gets the job done,
21:17don't know if I'm going to go in there.
21:18That's it,
21:19don't know if I'm going to go in there.
21:19The one who gets places to the mole
21:21gets to keep his gold teeth.
21:23Good night, sir.
21:24Sleep well, sir.
21:27Perfect.
21:28I wonder if anything on earth
21:30could depress me more.
21:31Excuse me, sir.
21:33Of course it could.
21:34I forgot to give you this letter
21:36from Lieutenant George, sir.
21:38Ah.
21:39Oh, joy.
21:40What wise words
21:41from the world's greatest defence council.
21:43Dear mother.
21:47Unusual start.
21:48Thanks for the case of scotch.
21:50You've excelled yourself, Baldrick.
21:51You've brought the wrong letter again.
21:54Cool, yeah.
21:55He did write, too.
21:56Yes, his mother's about to get a note
21:58telling her he's sorry
21:59she's going to be shot in the morning.
22:01But I have to read this drivel.
22:04Hope Celia thrives in the pony club trials
22:06and that little Freddy scores a century
22:09for the first eleven.
22:10You can't deny it's a riveting read.
22:12Ah.
22:13Send my love to Uncle Rupert.
22:14Who'd have thought it?
22:15Mad Uncle Rupert,
22:16Minister of War.
22:18With power of life and death
22:19over every bally soldier in the army.
22:22Hang on a minute.
22:24This is it.
22:25All George has to do
22:27is send him a telegram
22:28and he'll get me off.
22:29Baldrick,
22:30I love you.
22:31I want to kiss your cherry lips
22:33and nibble your shell-like ears.
22:36I'm free.
22:42I'm useless, useless.
22:44Sir, sir.
22:45Oh, hello, Private.
22:46How's the captain?
22:47He's absolutely fine, sir, but...
22:48You're just trying to cheer me up.
22:50I know the truth.
22:51He hates me because I completely arsed up his defence.
22:54Yes, I know, sir, but...
22:55Because I'm thick, you see.
22:56I'm as thick as the big print version
22:58of the complete works of Charles Dickens.
23:01If only I could have saved him, if only.
23:03But you can, sir.
23:05What?
23:05How?
23:06You send a telegram.
23:09Of course I'd send a telegram!
23:11Yeah.
23:12Who to?
23:13To the person in the letter.
23:15What letter?
23:15To your mother.
23:16I'd send a telegram to my mother!
23:18No!
23:18No!
23:18You'd send a telegram
23:19in the person in the letter to your mother!
23:21Well, who was in the letter to my mother?
23:22I can't remember!
23:23Well, think, think!
23:24No, you think, think!
23:25Well, I...
23:26Celia!
23:27Of course!
23:27The Pony Club trials!
23:29Yes!
23:29Celia could leap over the walls of the prison
23:31and save him!
23:32No!
23:33No!
23:33No!
23:34No!
23:34Um...
23:35Cricket!
23:36Yes!
23:36I've got cousin Freddy, of course!
23:38He can knock out the firing squad
23:39with his cricket bat!
23:40Madam, someone else!
23:41Well, who?
23:42I don't know!
23:42Well, neither do I!
23:43You think!
23:43Well, you think!
23:44You think, sir!
23:45I'm stuck!
23:46I'm stuck!
23:46Right!
23:49No, it hasn't helped!
23:51Yes, it has, sir!
23:52You're Uncle Rupert
23:54who's just been made Minister of War?
23:56Of course Uncle Rupert's
23:57just been made the Minister of War, Baldrick!
23:59I'll send him a telegram
24:01and he'll pull strings
24:02and scratch backs
24:03and fiddle with knobs
24:04and...
24:05and get the captain off!
24:07Hooray!
24:08Well, we got there
24:09in the end, eh, Baldrick?
24:10Oh, just about, sir!
24:11Oh, I think it's called
24:12for a celebration, don't you?
24:13What about a tot
24:14of old moorhen's shredded sporran
24:16which Mumsy's just sent me?
24:18Right, I'd like a toast, don't you,
24:19to Captain Blackadder
24:22and...
24:22Freedom!
24:23Captain Blackadder
24:24and Freedom, sir!
24:26Morning!
24:27Morning, Captain!
24:28Morning!
24:29I must say, Captain,
24:30I've got to admire your balls!
24:37Perhaps later.
24:40So, boys!
24:41How are you doing?
24:42Very well, thank you, Captain.
24:43Robinson, good to see you.
24:45Good to see you too, sir.
24:47Now, Corporal, how's the voice?
24:49Excellent, sir.
24:49River!
24:50Wait for it!
24:51Wait for it!
24:54So, the phone's on the hook,
24:56isn't it, Perkins?
24:56Oh, yes, sir.
24:57Splendid.
24:57So, where do you want me?
24:59Well, up against the wall
25:01is traditional, sir.
25:02Oh, of course it is, sir.
25:05This side or the other side?
25:09No messengers waiting, Perkins?
25:11Oh, I'm afraid not, sir.
25:13Fair enough, fair enough.
25:14All right, lads, line up.
25:18Yes, now, look,
25:19I think there might have been
25:20a bit of a misunderstanding here.
25:21You see, I was expecting
25:23a telegram.
25:23Turn, turn!
25:24Quite an important one, actually.
25:26Turn, turn!
25:27No!
25:28I think that's what they call
25:29the nick of time.
25:31Let me know how you got it in here.
25:32Of course it is.
25:33Read it, please.
25:34Er, here's looking at you.
25:36Love from all the boys
25:37in the firing squad.
25:42You soft bastard, you!
25:45I saw a car,
25:46I couldn't resist it.
25:48How thoughtful.
25:49Turn, turn!
25:50Now, look,
25:51something has gone
25:51spectacularly badly wrong.
25:53Take it!
25:54Baldrick, you're mincemeat!
25:57Oh, my head!
26:00Oh, my head!
26:02Feels like the time
26:03I was initiated
26:04into the Silly Bugger Society
26:06at Cambridge.
26:07I misheard the rules
26:08and pushed a whole aubergine
26:09into my ear hole.
26:12Permission to die, sir?
26:14Oh.
26:14What started us drinking?
26:17Oh, yes, well,
26:18we were celebrating
26:19getting Captain Blackhatter
26:20off scot-free.
26:23Oh, my sainted trousers!
26:25We forgot!
26:26Oh, whoops.
26:27Oh, no, he's now,
26:28he's dead, you see?
26:30He's dead, dead, dead
26:31because we're a pair
26:32of selfish so-and-sos.
26:34Oh, God,
26:35if I had a rope,
26:35I'd put it round my neck
26:36and bloody well hang myself
26:38until it really hurt.
26:39Good morning, George.
26:41Morning, Borey.
26:43Still the striking resemblance
26:45to guppy fish
26:46at feeding time.
26:48Yep,
26:48it arrived
26:49in the nick of time.
26:51Oh, excellent!
26:53Ah.
26:54So you've got the scotch out,
26:55anyway.
26:56Oh, well, of course,
26:57yes,
26:57we wanted to lay on
26:58a bit of a bash
26:59for your safe return.
27:00There you go.
27:03There was a second telegram
27:05arrived, actually, George,
27:06addressed to you personally
27:07from your uncle.
27:08Oh, thank you.
27:11George, my boy,
27:13outraged to read
27:14in dispatches
27:15of how that arse-melch
27:16had made such a pig's ear
27:18of your chum
27:18Blackadder's court-martial.
27:20I've reversed the decision
27:21forthwith,
27:22surprised you didn't ask me
27:23to do it yourself, actually.
27:28Now, this is interesting,
27:29isn't it?
27:30Yes, well,
27:30you see, sir,
27:31the thing is...
27:32You two got whammed
27:33last night, didn't you?
27:34Well, no,
27:35not whammed, exactly,
27:36a little tiddly, perhaps.
27:38And you forgot
27:39the telegram to your uncle?
27:40Well, no, no,
27:41no, no,
27:41not completely.
27:43I mean,
27:43partially.
27:45Well, yes,
27:46yes, entirely, yes.
27:47I think I can explain, sir.
27:50Can you, Baldrick?
27:53No.
27:55As I suspected.
27:57Now, I'm not a religious man,
27:58as you know,
27:59but henceforth,
27:59I shall nightly pray
28:01to the God
28:01that killed Cain
28:03and squashed something
28:04that he comes out
28:05of retirement
28:05and gets back into practice
28:06on the pair of you.
28:09Captain Blackadder.
28:11Ah, Captain Darling.
28:13Well, you know,
28:14some of us just have friends
28:15in high places,
28:15I suppose.
28:17Yes, I can hear you perfectly.
28:19You want what?
28:21You want two volunteers
28:22for a mission
28:23into no man's land.
28:25Codename
28:27Operation Certain Death.
28:30Yes,
28:30yes,
28:31I think I have
28:31just the fellows.
28:34God is very quick
28:36these days.
28:36Yes,
28:37yes,
28:38yes,
28:39yes,
28:40yes,
28:41yes,
28:42yes,
28:43yes,
28:46yes,
28:51yes,
28:52yes,
28:53yes,
28:54yes,
28:55yes,
28:56yes,
28:56yes,
28:57yes,
28:57yes,
28:58yes,
28:58yes,
29:00yes,
29:03yes,
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