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00:02Last time on Everybody Loves Raymond.
00:04No, no, no. No knock-knock jokes right now. We're going upstairs.
00:07Lauren! Jeffrey, say Lauren!
00:09Marie, please stop. We are not telling knock-knock jokes right now.
00:13We are going upstairs for our baths, all right? Thank you.
00:16Let's go. Let's go.
00:23Well.
00:25Your mother is acting like a child giving me the silent treatment.
00:28Do you realize how passive-aggressive that is?
00:30First of all, I'm sorry I came over when I did.
00:33I should know by now, by late afternoon, you've lost complete control of the kids.
00:43So, she's talking to you again.
00:48Well, she can do whatever she wants, because I'm done talking to her.
00:56Now, I know when we're angry and hurt, we can only see the negative in the other person.
01:01But you two people know deep down how you feel about each other,
01:07how you care about each other, and how much...
01:11how much you love each other.
01:29Frank, if you're going to have cereal, you can't just leave the milk sitting out.
01:33How many times have I told you that?
01:35A thousand, might as well just give it up.
01:40Look at this place.
01:42It's a pigsty.
01:44You're like some kind of an animal.
01:46A pig?
01:49Just watch yourself, mister.
01:56I tell you, this thing with Debra's got her nuttier than ever.
02:00They should just lace up the gloves and go at it in the backyard.
02:05Come on, those two are going through a tough time.
02:07All you can think about is how it affects you?
02:11You're like a lady.
02:19You know what I noticed?
02:21Even when Debra is all,
02:22wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
02:24If she finds out I'm coming over here,
02:25she goes out of her way to be nice to me.
02:27What do you mean?
02:28Well, like, yesterday,
02:30Ma wanted me to come over,
02:31and Debra all of a sudden was like,
02:33hey, why don't you go hit a bucket of balls?
02:36She told you to go to the driving range?
02:39Yeah.
02:40And then I also went on the go-karts.
02:45Hey, you know what?
02:47You should try this with Mom.
02:49Get what you want.
02:50You just talk to her and throw Debra into the mix.
02:55Ah.
02:57I like that.
02:59Except for the talk to her part.
03:03You can't do that to Ma.
03:05She's your wife.
03:06Go home.
03:09Hey, Marie!
03:11What?
03:14You're right.
03:15I have been making a mess here.
03:18Well, just go over to Debra's.
03:23What are you talking about?
03:25Yeah, yeah.
03:25I'll get out of your hair.
03:27No, don't be silly.
03:30Sit.
03:31No, no, no, no.
03:31It's easy enough to go across the street.
03:34Come on, Ray.
03:35No, no, no.
03:35Why would you do that?
03:38You know what you need?
03:40Grilled cheese.
03:49Double cheese?
03:51No crust?
03:53Of course.
03:55Sit.
03:58Would you like grilled cheese, Raymond?
04:01You got bacon?
04:03Of course.
04:08How about you, Bob?
04:12No, thank you.
04:15Okay, then.
04:16Two grilled cheese coming up.
04:24I love you.
04:36Hello.
04:37Hey, Ma.
04:39Yeah, yeah, Dad's here.
04:41We're just watching the game.
04:43Yeah, but, uh, she's leaving to pick up the kids.
04:47Does she want to know what I'm doing?
04:48Tell her I'm here, too.
04:51Robert's here, too.
04:53I don't know.
04:54He want me to tell you.
04:57Yeah.
04:59All right.
05:00Okay.
05:00Bye-bye.
05:02Mom wasn't too happy that you're here, Dad.
05:05Good.
05:05She's getting the message.
05:07I came over here because the omelet she made me this morning
05:10was half-assed.
05:15You're here to punish Ma?
05:16I think that's terrible.
05:18No, I'll tell you what's terrible.
05:19A salami omelet that's skimpy on the salami.
05:24You know what, Ray?
05:25Tell your mother not to call here anymore.
05:27I am sick of feeling like I can't answer the phone in my own house.
05:30I can't tell her not to call.
05:32I'll do it.
05:34All right.
05:35I'll tell her if she needs to talk to me to let the phone ring once.
05:38That'll be her signal.
05:39Then hang up and call back.
05:41Fine.
05:41I'll use the same signal if you're over there, and I need to talk to you.
05:44And when I pick up, you do a little heavy breathing up here.
05:46I'll be back.
05:53Hello.
05:57What's going on, Ma?
05:58Well, I thought you boys could use a little snack.
06:01Stuffed mushrooms.
06:03Let's have it.
06:08I know it's usually slim pickings around here.
06:11That's why I wanted to bring these over as quickly as I could.
06:14Mmm.
06:15These are good.
06:17Better than an omelet.
06:21Yes, I know.
06:22I'm sorry.
06:24I was almost out of salami, and I knew the omelet wasn't right.
06:27I should have just thrown it out or given it to Robbie.
06:39Well, eat up, boys.
06:40There's plenty more where that came from.
06:43Across the streets.
06:45Ray, your car is blocking me, so if you...
06:52So I'll just take your car, okay?
06:55If that's okay.
06:57Yeah.
06:58Okay.
06:59Well, boys, I have to get back.
07:01I've got a lot of treats to make, which will be delicious.
07:06No, Ray, as long as I'm taking your car, do you want me to gas it up for you?
07:12Oh, yeah, if you don't mind.
07:15No, no, it'll be fun.
07:17Frank, I'm gonna make cannelloni tonight.
07:21Sounds okay.
07:23Oh, actually, no.
07:24Instead of cannelloni, I'll make some lamb.
07:28A whole lamb.
07:32Yeah?
07:34With that mint jelly I like?
07:36Of course.
07:37Whatever you want.
07:39Honey.
07:59Oh, come on.
08:04Sorry, what if I bring home a pizza for dinner?
08:07Oh.
08:08And maybe a nice bottle of wine?
08:11Oh.
08:17Marie, no wine.
08:28Frank, you rascal.
08:34Okay, well, I'll see you, sweetie.
08:35Bye, Frank.
08:36Bye, Robert.
08:37Okay, bye.
08:37Bye.
08:39I love you, fellas.
08:41Bye-bye.
08:41Bye-bye.
08:44Bye-bye.
08:45Bye-bye.
08:45Oh, man.
08:47We gotta get these two hens together more often.
08:49I know.
08:50I know.
08:51I'll bet I can get a week of golf in Myrtle Beach.
08:54I might be able to get Marie up on the roof to clean the gutters.
09:06You two playing your wives against each other.
09:09You're despicable.
09:10Calm down, Daddy Duck.
09:14Yeah, what?
09:15We tried to get them to stop fighting.
09:17If they want to keep it up, why should we have to suffer?
09:19There's a difference between not suffering and exploiting the situation.
09:22You should be supporting your wives, bringing them together.
09:25This is not the way for a family to behave.
09:33You know, while Marie's up on the roof, I'll have her install a satellite dish.
09:48Hi, Robert.
09:49Hi, Deb.
09:51Come on in.
09:53All right.
09:56Raymond around?
09:58No, he's out by himself a new putter.
10:03Isn't that nice for him?
10:06So, how are you?
10:08I'm fine.
10:09That's good.
10:10I'm glad one of us is fine.
10:12You're not fine, Robert?
10:14Oh, you know me.
10:15I don't do well with the tension.
10:18It gets me right in the gut.
10:20And this thing with you and my mom, muy tensionoso.
10:25In Spanish for very tense?
10:28I don't know.
10:33All I know is I'm popping antacids.
10:35It's like they're cocktail peanuts.
10:37Come on.
10:38You know, this fight has gone on long enough.
10:41I bet you can't even remember why you were mad at each other in the first place.
10:45Why?
10:46Because your mother is condescending, overbearing, patronizing, manipulative.
10:50Okay.
10:51The whys are not important.
10:54But what is important is to remember that life is short.
10:59You know how they always say you should never go to bed mad?
11:04Well, I say it'd even be worse to go to the big bed mad.
11:09Hmm?
11:13I'm sorry, Robert.
11:15I know what you're saying.
11:17But I have to tell you, I need to start thinking about myself for a change.
11:26Okay.
11:27Okay.
11:30I know that Raymond's thinking about himself.
11:33Ray?
11:35What?
11:35What do you mean?
11:42What is it, Robert?
11:45Well, maybe it's just me, but I'm of the opinion that a man should be more concerned about his family's
11:50well-being
11:50than figuring out a way to get his wife to let him go on a week-long golf retreat to
11:55Myrtle Beach.
11:58What golf retreat?
11:59Come on.
12:00You haven't noticed he's been dropping hints like crazy?
12:02Maybe that's because you're too busy running around, gassing up his car, drinking wine, and having to...
12:14Do things because of the wine.
12:18Robert, all I am...
12:19Wake up, sis!
12:21Dad and Raymond have a laundry list of stuff they're trying to get out of you, too.
12:24They're exploiting the situation.
12:26They're playing you two against each other.
12:28They're laughing at you, and it's making me sick.
12:36But if it doesn't bother you...
12:48You know, they say you should never go to bed mad.
12:51Well, I say it'd be even worse to go to the big bad mad.
12:57He?
13:02All right, Ma.
13:04There's something you should know.
13:06And I'm only saying this because I don't want to see you on the roof.
13:20Hey, Moonshine.
13:25Well, here she is.
13:26A little more expensive than I thought, but it'll be worth it, you know, if I ever go on a,
13:31I don't know, golf retreat or something.
13:35Yeah, that's nice.
13:37Let me ask you something, Ray.
13:39How long did you think you'd be able to use me and your mom?
13:43How's that?
13:46You didn't think I was smart enough to see what you were doing?
13:50I don't...
13:50What are you talking about?
13:52Don't play dumb with me.
13:53I'm not.
13:54This is how I am.
13:58You know, you're not exactly subtle.
14:00Sitting there like some Roman emperor.
14:02Bring me my pizza.
14:03Serve me my wine.
14:04Pretend you're a lonely nurse.
14:16Hey.
14:18You know what the guys at the lodge were just telling me?
14:21Apparently, if you install it yourself, a satellite dish is actually quite affordable.
14:28Makes you think, doesn't it?
14:31Anyway, make me a sandwich, will you?
14:35You want a sandwich?
14:37Uh, roast beef, mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, cheese, easy onion.
14:43Sounds nice.
14:44What kind of bread?
14:47Let's go with the whole wheat today, shall we?
14:51What a bride.
14:54Ow!
14:55Hey, hey, ow!
14:58Okay, white bread, then.
14:59You didn't think I'd catch on to you, Mr. Sleazy Man?
15:02Oh, I caught on.
15:03Oh, did I catch on.
15:05Sure, getting the two of us to wait on your hand and foot, to exploiting the situation?
15:10I wish this bread was stale.
15:12I would give you a concussion!
15:28Look who it is.
15:30I suppose you're here to get something to eat?
15:33Don't ask for a sandwich.
15:36If you're hungry, I suggest you go back across the street, because this kitchen is closed.
15:44Her, too?
15:45Yeah.
15:47What happened to you?
15:49Deborah.
15:50She started yelling at me and telling me I was using her fight with Mom for my own good.
15:55Said I was exploiting the situation.
15:58Wait a minute.
16:00Exploiting the situation?
16:01That's exactly what your mother just said.
16:04Really?
16:04Well, how did both Mom and Deborah know?
16:06Oh, hey, I forgot my tubs.
16:24Well, I'm off.
16:29Hey, Robert.
16:31You got any idea why Ray and I just got our grapes crushed by the broads?
16:41Okay, take it easy.
16:43Some things might have been said in passing that possibly could have been misconstrued.
16:48You sold us out, man.
16:50You're a rat.
16:50We had something good going, and you ruined it.
16:53Okay, hold on, hold on.
16:54You didn't have something good going.
16:56Yes, we did.
16:57For once, I was enjoying my marriage.
17:03Let me tell you something.
17:05You two got what you deserved.
17:07I don't care that you're mad at me.
17:08I'm sorry that your putter got bent, Raymond.
17:10And I'm sorry Ma's not hanging off the roof with 50-footer cable and a ratchet.
17:21But by God, I will do whatever it takes to make this family whole.
17:30I think you're the family whole.
17:32Oh, yeah?
17:33Yeah.
17:33I could like to live a whole.
17:34I could like to live a whole.
17:35I could like to live a whole.
17:37What's going on here?
17:39Hey, Robert, why don't you run crying to your mommy and tell her about how mean we just were to
17:43you?
17:43Yeah, squeal on us again, mommy lover.
17:48That's right.
17:49That's right.
17:49Shut up, Raymond.
17:53We don't say shut up in this house.
17:57First of all, it's never squealing if you're telling something to your mother.
18:02And I have to appreciate Robbie letting me know what you two are trying to do to Deborah and me.
18:08I would be happy to make you something to eat.
18:14Wait.
18:20One ring.
18:22That's Deborah's signal.
18:25You can pick up that phone, Ma.
18:29Ma, make this right.
18:33You can make this right.
18:37You can do it, Ma.
18:40Remember that big bed.
18:46Paddle away, Ma.
18:47Ma.
18:51This was your chance.
18:53What did we just talk about in there?
18:54What about the big bed?
18:56Oh, you're talking about the big bed.
18:57Why don't you tell that to Deborah?
18:59I did.
19:04You did?
19:07You told her the same thing you told me.
19:11I was just trying to show her.
19:13Oh, enough.
19:16You're a double agent.
19:20What are you talking about?
19:22Yeah, that's exactly what a double agent would say.
19:30You didn't have enough faith in me to know that I would do the right thing, so you went to
19:34her, too.
19:35You didn't do the right thing.
19:36That's hardly the point.
19:38Hardly.
19:39What he did is much worse than what we did, right, Ma?
19:41Shut up, Raymond.
19:45You say it all the time now?
19:49Tell me something, Robert.
19:50Who did you talk to first about this, Deborah or me?
19:55I don't remember.
19:56You went to her first because you couldn't wait to take her side over mine.
20:00I'm on no one's side.
20:01You obviously don't love me the way I love you.
20:04Get out.
20:05Ma, I'm on the family side.
20:08Throw him out.
20:08Throw him out.
20:09Big pleasure.
20:10All right.
20:11I'm going.
20:13But let me just say this.
20:15When we are all in that big bed, I'll be the only one able to sleep through the night.
20:31I ain't sleeping in that bed with him.
20:33He sleeps naked.
20:53I wasn't going anywhere.
20:59Don't bend him.
21:31I'd like some chips.
21:39I'd like some chips.
22:08I'd like some chips.
22:39I'd like some chips.
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