- 2 days ago
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00:15Sorry, I thought I had a little more bed up there.
00:20Hey, Gray, stop!
00:21What?
00:21It really hurt my shoulder.
00:23Oh, well, can't you just shake it off?
00:26No.
00:26No, it really hurts.
00:28I think I better put some ice on it.
00:30Well, you know, my wrist hurts, but you know what they say.
00:32You should get right back up on the horse.
00:36I'm getting ice.
00:41But the horse!
00:48My first sex injury.
00:52Another season of Everybody Loves Raymond.
00:57Enjoy me.
00:58Come on, I won't.
01:09Help!
01:10Flex?
01:15Help!
01:40Oh, ah, God.
01:49Oh, whoa, man.
01:56Hey, Johnny, pass me that soda.
01:59Oh, wow.
02:02Oh, my God.
02:04Man, I hurt my wrist.
02:05I really hurt that wrist, didn't I?
02:07What, you sprained it opening a jar of marmalade?
02:11How about just the opposite?
02:19Dibber and I had some wild sex last night.
02:25Whoa.
02:26All right.
02:26Oh, whoop-dee-doo for you.
02:30So what happened?
02:32Well, no, no, no, I don't need to talk about it, all right?
02:36Oh, would you stop?
02:37You brought it up.
02:38You got a phony bandage on.
02:39You can't wait to tell everybody everything.
02:44Tell me anything.
02:45No, no, no.
02:47Oh, this isn't fair.
02:48I haven't had sex since my kid was born.
02:51Your kid's a year and a half.
02:53Tell me your story.
02:58All right.
02:59All right.
03:01You know, things were happening and got a little crazy,
03:04and next thing I know, we're airborne.
03:11Long story short, this was no marmalade accident.
03:15That will never happen to me.
03:17No kidding.
03:21Hey, she's hurt worse than me.
03:23So you're proud of the fact that you're such a klutz,
03:27you fell out of bed onto your poor petite wife?
03:31I can honestly say this was not my fault.
03:35The lady got a little bit out of control.
03:39Really?
03:40No, I gotta tell you, I always thought that about Deborah.
03:44What?
03:46What do you mean?
03:46What are you thinking about Deborah?
03:49Yeah, I can see that.
03:51She seems to be very, uh, animal.
03:58All right, all right.
03:59A little respect.
04:00Is this how you talk about your wife?
04:02I guess I just handed out wives to anybody, huh?
04:04Well, I don't want to get any wives without my own time,
04:06because I can't get any wives.
04:10Hey, so you really thought that about Deborah?
04:12Yeah, she's like one of those uptight and bossy on the surface,
04:16but wild underneath girls.
04:19Oh, I'm uptight.
04:20You think I'm wild underneath?
04:24I'd hate to be underneath.
04:32Hey, you know, you guys should know about Deborah.
04:34She wasn't always, she wasn't always like this, you know,
04:37but I guess over the years, I've kind of created a monster.
04:42Turn up the TV.
04:44I'm coming back, and I'll be eating something crunchy.
04:49All right, all right.
04:50Just shut up now about the boom-bidi-boom-boom.
04:53Come on.
04:54Come on.
04:55Your old man would be proud of you.
04:56You were taking care of business.
04:57Every way.
04:58Now, just look.
04:59We don't talk about that, all right?
05:00What's wrong with you guys?
05:00Have a little class, man.
05:03Dad, those nachos were for me.
05:05I like cheese.
05:06You knew the risks.
05:10Hey, Frank.
05:11Ray hurt himself.
05:12Ask him how.
05:13Bernie.
05:15Why?
05:16Yeah, never mind.
05:18No, no, no.
05:18It's a good story.
05:19Ask him.
05:20All right.
05:21Go ahead.
05:26No, what?
05:27It's nothing.
05:28I just, I hurt my wrist.
05:29That's all.
05:32I fell down the stairs.
05:34They're old, and they're creaky, those stairs.
05:38What a marvelous story.
05:41And you tell it beautifully.
05:44I told you, it was nothing.
05:46How many years have I got left?
05:48You got to waste my time with that story?
05:50What?
05:51I didn't want to tell it to you.
05:53Then you should cut your losses now and stop talking.
05:56A stair story.
06:00Never fell to.
06:02Hey, would you shut up?
06:04Just shut up.
06:05What are you, what are you bothering my father for?
06:08He's watching the game, and he told me he doesn't like you.
06:13People falling.
06:14Now maybe you got a story.
06:17How'd that happen?
06:18Yes, how?
06:19Pray tell.
06:23Same thing.
06:24Those crazy-ass stairs there.
06:26So if you see Debra later, and she has a sore shoulder, then that's why.
06:31I don't understand how two grown people fall down the stairs.
06:36Because it wasn't our fault.
06:38Those stupid stairs, they're dangerous, I tell you.
06:46So did you really fall down the stairs?
06:49Which story's true?
06:50Would you shut up?
06:51No, no, really, I'm confused, because they're both quite convincing.
07:04All right, I am laying down now and scratching a few things.
07:12Frank, what are you doing?
07:14I came over to check out your stairs.
07:16No wonder the two of you fell.
07:18These look warped.
07:19What are you talking about?
07:21You know what, let's just leave alone.
07:24This is who he is.
07:25This is how he defines himself as a person.
07:27Why is your father fixing our stairs?
07:28Who cares?
07:29The fudge pops are melting.
07:30Let's go.
07:31Come on.
07:31Wait a minute.
07:33Why does your father think that we fell down the stairs?
07:37Because that's what I told him.
07:38You don't want him knowing the truth, do you?
07:39He came in the other night.
07:41I was talking to the guys.
07:42Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
07:47Did you tell the guys?
07:54They guessed.
07:59You told your friends about how we fell out of the bed?
08:02No, they just got it.
08:04They, my wrist, your shoulder, it is kind of obvious.
08:09Oh my God, Ray, this is so embarrassing.
08:12How could you?
08:13Oh, God, it's, it's guy talk.
08:16Come on, that's what we do.
08:17Hey, don't be embarrassed.
08:19We're muy caliente.
08:21Yeah.
08:24And everyone knows it.
08:26All right.
08:28I don't want everyone to know it, Ray.
08:30Come on, look, the guys already think you're wild and stuff anyway, so it doesn't matter.
08:33Well, I don't think...
08:37Wild?
08:39Really?
08:42Animal.
08:48Really?
08:49You think I'm wild?
08:50Yeah, see, see, you like it, everything is fun.
08:52No, no, it is not fine, no, because you're not supposed to be talking about that.
08:57And then you have to make up this whole thing about the stairs, so now your father's ripping them out.
09:01How are we going to get up the stairs?
09:03Look at your eyes right now.
09:05You are a little wild.
09:09Get away from me.
09:11Hello, dears.
09:12Hi, Marie.
09:14Frank wanted some ice water.
09:16Believe it or not, Marie, we have the ingredients for that right here.
09:21I know, but Frank likes his ice cubes a little less murky.
09:26All right.
09:27Oh, I heard about you falling down the stairs.
09:31That sounds terrible.
09:33Are you all right?
09:34Yeah, we're fine, Marie.
09:36My wrist is a little sore.
09:37Ray.
09:38You poor thing.
09:39Yeah, yeah.
09:41What I don't understand is, how did you both fall?
09:45Were you going down the stairs at the same time?
09:49Yes, we were.
09:50That is indeed what we did do.
09:54But why?
09:56I don't know.
09:57It was kind of like a Jack and Jill situation.
10:03I went, and then she, you know, came tumbling after.
10:10I don't understand.
10:12Well, there's no shame in that.
10:13We all get old.
10:24We were having a race.
10:25Huh?
10:27A race?
10:28In the house?
10:30Yeah.
10:31Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
10:34Something doesn't make sense.
10:36Well, it doesn't have to.
10:37It's a tradition.
10:41A tradition.
10:43Well, I never heard anything about these races.
10:45Well, it's just, it's kind of our thing, you know?
10:48I mean, we do it all the time.
10:49Sometimes we do front door to back door, you know?
10:52Yeah, sometimes we do three times around the couch.
10:54Friday, we usually do the stairs.
10:56Okay, Ray.
10:58Friday on the stairs.
10:59That's what we call it.
11:05Frank must be awfully thirsty by now.
11:07Yeah.
11:07Oh, you know what, man?
11:08He likes it when I give him that.
11:09About the races.
11:10You don't make the children race, do you?
11:12No, no, no.
11:13No, no, no.
11:14Adults only, yeah.
11:15You gotta be at least this tall.
11:18So that's how you both fell.
11:20A race around the house,
11:22which you often do as a tradition.
11:27Uh, Sophie!
11:29I'm about to turn my back!
11:43Oh, my God!
11:45Frank, are you all right?
11:47Holy crap!
11:50Don't move!
11:51I'm coming right down!
11:53I'm in enough pain!
11:55I'm in enough pain!
12:03There you go.
12:05I must say you're doing surprisingly well
12:07after taking such a fall, Mr. Barone.
12:08No injuries other than a broken rib.
12:10Oh, thank God!
12:12You heard what he said.
12:13I'm fine.
12:14No kissing.
12:16I told him not to fix the stairs.
12:19I knew something like this would happen.
12:21I can't bear to see him hurt.
12:23Why are you such a stubborn idiot?
12:27Doctor, can I have this removed?
12:31Doctor, before you go,
12:32is there such a thing
12:33as a personality transplant?
12:38Okay.
12:40Crazies, we're in public here.
12:42Hey, Doc,
12:42what's this stuff dripping into me?
12:44Oh, that's just some painkiller
12:45to help with any discomfort.
12:47But I'm not experiencing any discomfort.
12:50That's because it's probably starting to work.
12:52Oh.
12:56Way to go,
12:57tubing baggy.
13:00Yes.
13:01Now, a nurse will be in
13:02at the end of the day
13:03to give you your discharge papers.
13:05Papers?
13:06Don't you guys have bedpans anymore?
13:13You see what you did to them, huh?
13:15All of this because you and Deborah
13:17fell down the stairs.
13:18All right, promise.
13:19Don't.
13:19Oh, Doctor,
13:20while you're still here,
13:21would you just take a look
13:22at my son's wrist?
13:24Yeah, and Ray,
13:26when was the last time
13:27someone looked at that testicle?
13:29Dad!
13:32No one's checked it
13:34since he was a kid.
13:36It's all right, Dad.
13:37Oh, hey, hey, hey.
13:39Nothing to be ashamed of.
13:42Okay, Dad.
13:46And Deborah,
13:47you should show the doctor
13:49your shoulder there.
13:50No, I'm fine, Frank.
13:51Really, thank you, though.
13:53They took a tumble down the stairs.
13:56Both of you?
13:57Unusual, isn't it?
14:00We have these little races.
14:04Yeah, you know, Ray,
14:05maybe you should let the doctor
14:06check out your wrist.
14:07I'm sure you and Deborah
14:07want to get back to your active lifestyle
14:09as soon as possible.
14:11Yeah, it's okay.
14:12It's fine.
14:12See, it's all better.
14:13Really?
14:14Let's arm wrestle.
14:15Get away.
14:16Give it to me!
14:16Out of here.
14:18But, doctor, really,
14:20you should take a look
14:21in his shorts.
14:22No!
14:25There's a problem
14:26with one of the man berries.
14:28Dad!
14:31Hey, here.
14:33It's never mind.
14:34Okay, then,
14:35if you don't need me, Mr. Barone,
14:37you try and take it easy.
14:38Okay, and, and, and,
14:40hey, you take it easy, too.
14:44Hey, peace.
14:45Peace.
14:49I'm so sorry
14:51this happened, Frank.
14:52Hey, I was happy
14:54to fix your stairs, Deborah,
14:56because you needed it done.
14:58And if I had to break
15:00a hundred ribs,
15:01it's a small price to pay
15:03for the family stairs.
15:06Yes.
15:10I take care of my family.
15:15Family.
15:17That's a funny word.
15:21Family.
15:23Family, family, family.
15:26I, I gotta go pick up the kids.
15:28You wanna walk me out?
15:29Yeah, I'll go with you.
15:30Okay, let's see.
15:30Hey, if you guys are racing,
15:32I get winners.
15:35He can never have sex again.
15:37What?
15:38What?
15:39Look at your father,
15:40lying in there, hurt,
15:42and all because we,
15:44and now, whenever,
15:45I'm gonna think of him
15:47working on those stairs
15:48and then all of a sudden
15:50his little bald head
15:50dropping out of sight.
15:55Well, here's something
15:56you might try.
15:57Think of me
15:58when we're having sex.
16:00This is awful, Ray.
16:01We lied to him
16:02and now he has a broken rib.
16:04We broke his rib.
16:05We may as well
16:05have rolled off that bed
16:07and on to him.
16:08Hey, are you trying
16:10to put images in my head?
16:11Because we may never
16:12have sex again.
16:13Hello.
16:14Hi.
16:15Look, this is not our fault.
16:17Yes, it is.
16:18This is 30% my fault
16:20and 70% yours.
16:21Whoa, whoa, whoa.
16:22What are you coming up
16:23with those figures?
16:23You started the whole thing.
16:25None of this would have happened
16:25if you didn't have to tell
16:26all your friends
16:27what a big stud you are.
16:29Oh, why couldn't
16:30the nurse hear that?
16:32Look, the truth is
16:33none of this would have happened
16:35if you didn't have
16:35that second glass of wine
16:36that night, okay?
16:38Or if you let me
16:39buy a king-size bed.
16:40Or if just once,
16:42God forbid,
16:43you listen to me
16:43and we could start
16:44on the floor.
16:49We have to do
16:50something for him.
16:51All right, fine.
16:52How do we make this up to him?
16:53We have to get him
16:54a satellite dish.
16:55What?
16:55What?
16:56No, look,
16:56I'll go to the cafeteria
16:58and get him
16:58a nice jello parfait.
17:00We have to make this right.
17:02I cannot go to bed
17:03every night
17:03with those images
17:04in my head.
17:04All right.
17:05All right,
17:06I'll take care of it.
17:08The last thing you need
17:08is another excuse.
17:12Oh, Bramman,
17:13I'm so glad you're back.
17:14I want to take Robbie
17:15and introduce him
17:16to a nurse I just met.
17:18Come on, Robbie.
17:18Oh, I don't think
17:19I should meet
17:19anybody new right now.
17:21I didn't wash my hair today.
17:23Well, she works
17:23in the hospital.
17:24I'm sure she's used
17:25to seeing all kinds of things.
17:28Come back soon,
17:29smushy face.
17:33So, how's it going, okay?
17:35Sure, I'm fine.
17:37Good.
17:37Yeah, you look good.
17:39Listen.
17:40I was thinking
17:41it should be pretty easy
17:42to finish those stairs.
17:44The hard part's already done.
17:48Where I fall through them.
17:51Yeah.
17:52Well, you know,
17:53it's all right.
17:53I can hire somebody
17:54to do it now.
17:55No, no, no, no, no.
17:56No way.
17:58I want to fix your stairs.
18:00Me.
18:01Not some guy.
18:04That's nice.
18:05But listen,
18:06I feel bad you got hurt,
18:07so, so, I want to...
18:09Hey, don't feel bad.
18:11This is what it's all about.
18:13What do you mean?
18:15I'm not an idiot.
18:17Remember when you were a kid
18:19you gave me that mug
18:20that said,
18:20world's greatest dad?
18:23I hated that.
18:29Because I knew
18:30I was not that mug.
18:34And now you've got kids
18:36of your own?
18:38The way you are with them?
18:49What?
18:50What, uh...
18:54I liked it
18:55when you moved in
18:55across the street.
18:57Because I could come
18:59to your house,
18:59you could come
19:00to my house.
19:02Nothing much,
19:04just...
19:04doing stuff,
19:06watching a game,
19:08playing some pool.
19:12By the way,
19:13one of us should get
19:13a pool table.
19:17It's good what we got.
19:20Because we're pals now.
19:26Debra and I
19:27didn't fall down the stairs.
19:33We actually hurt ourselves
19:35in the,
19:36you know,
19:38bedroom.
19:39A bedroom race?
19:42No.
19:45No, no.
19:46There are no races, Dad.
19:47But they're tradition.
19:52We fell off the bed,
19:54both of us.
19:56Hmm?
20:00We fell off the bed
20:01when we were having sex.
20:03That's how we got hurt.
20:06Then this is
20:07about your testicle.
20:09What?
20:10No.
20:12Dad,
20:12no, it's not.
20:14I lied to you.
20:15I lied to you.
20:16I told you the stairs
20:17were bad
20:17so you wouldn't know
20:18what Debra and I
20:19were doing
20:20and you wouldn't have
20:21broke your rib
20:21if it wasn't for me
20:22and I'm buying you
20:23a satellite dish,
20:24all right?
20:26Oh.
20:28Now that's a good story.
20:31Why didn't you
20:32just tell me that story?
20:35Because it's like
20:36a sex story
20:37and I don't feel
20:38comfortable,
20:39you know,
20:40telling you
20:41that kind of stuff.
20:42It's...
20:43But we're pals.
20:49Okay.
20:50We're pals.
20:53Hey,
20:54you wanna...
20:54you wanna know
20:55something, pal?
20:57Could I tell you
20:58a story?
20:59Yeah.
20:59Yeah, sure.
21:01One night,
21:02your mother
21:02had a little
21:03too much Kahlua.
21:04No, no.
21:04No, no, Dad.
21:06No.
21:06But it's story time.
21:08No, look,
21:09you need your rest now.
21:10Wait,
21:10you'll love this.
21:11No, no, no.
21:12Sweet dreams, pal.
21:13It was cold outside.
21:20All right.
21:21Here you go.
21:23So how's that rib
21:24doing, Frank?
21:25Oh, it's coming along,
21:26although I still
21:27can't burp
21:28the way I like.
21:31Well, you stick
21:32to your rehab.
21:34I'm happy
21:35to be out
21:36of that hospital,
21:36boy.
21:37They had me
21:38so drugged up
21:39I didn't know
21:39whether I was
21:40coming or going.
21:41I thought
21:42what they had
21:42you on
21:43was marvelous.
21:46I'm going to
21:47call Mexico
21:47and try to get
21:48some for the house.
21:49happy happiness.
21:51Are you
21:51what they
22:00They're
22:00in one
22:01They'reeurs.
22:10Are you
22:11someone to
22:12They're
22:12wing raicorn
22:12offenses.
22:13That's
22:14human cause'
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