- 16 hours ago
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00:06The game started already?
00:07No, they're waiting for you.
00:12Hi, guys.
00:13Hey, Dad.
00:14Hey, Blubberhead.
00:15Hey.
00:17Don't fill up on too much junk food
00:19because I'm cooking us dinner.
00:20All right.
00:21You call her Blubberhead and get a kiss?
00:23Yeah.
00:25Yeah, it's funny.
00:25I could call her anything, really,
00:27as long as I give it that, you know, spin to it.
00:30Hey, Blubberhead.
00:32Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:33You couldn't just call her anything?
00:35Yeah, yeah.
00:36No, I could.
00:37She just hears the cute tone, you know?
00:39She doesn't even really hear the word.
00:45How about fat legs?
00:50What?
00:50You couldn't call her fat legs.
00:53Yeah, I could, as long as I cutesy it up.
00:56No way.
00:57Yeah, no way.
00:57Hey, I think we drank the last of the chocolate milk, fat legs.
01:06Okay, I'll pick up some more tomorrow.
01:09Wow.
01:12Let's try another one.
01:13Yeah, let's see how far you can push it.
01:15All right, what do you got?
01:15I'm telling you, it's foolproof.
01:17Hey, come on, Rich.
01:17It's gonna get mad.
01:19Smelly.
01:19How about smelling?
01:20All right, all right.
01:21Try smelling.
01:21No, no, no, no.
01:22That's too easy.
01:22The, um, trampy.
01:26Try trampy.
01:27Guys, guys, come on.
01:29I got it, I got it.
01:30Smelly tramp.
01:33No, no, no.
01:34It can happen.
01:35Wait, did you pick up the mail?
01:37Oh, yeah.
01:37Yeah, it's over there.
01:43Nothing but bills today, smelly tramp.
01:46I know, we always get so much.
02:01Robert made me do it.
02:09I wasn't trying to humiliate you.
02:11Oh, so I should be flattered that my husband calls me a smelly tramp?
02:18First of all, I, I didn't call you that.
02:21I called you smelly tramp.
02:27Come on, I'm sorry, all right?
02:29It's just that you're so immature all the time.
02:32That's not true, all right?
02:34It isn't.
02:34Oh, no?
02:36Who made Jeffrey cry at Christmas because Daddy had to try the toy airplane before anybody else?
02:41Hey, it took two hours to put the damn thing together.
02:45I can't get one throw.
02:47And who does the hysterical nursery rhymes for the kids?
02:51Little Jack Horner sat in the corner.
02:53Something, something, poop and pee.
02:58You've got to give the people what they want.
03:03How about setting an example for them?
03:05Hey, I'm a great example, okay?
03:08Yeah, I kid around, but when it's crunch time, I'm right there.
03:11Oh, yeah.
03:12Like the other day when Allie was asking you how babies get here,
03:15and you suddenly had a sneeze attack and ran out of the room.
03:20So did you sneeze on my daughter?
03:23Whatever.
03:23Good night.
03:28What?
03:28What, you want me to have the sex talk with her?
03:30Yeah, right.
03:32What, you don't think I can do it?
03:34I could do it.
03:34I'll have the sex talk with her.
03:36You know what, Ray?
03:37You can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
03:49You know what?
03:50I'm going to do it.
03:51Ray, this is not something to be competitive about, so stop it.
03:55No, no, you stop it, all right?
03:57You say that I'm an immature parent,
03:59and now I want to do something for my child that's important,
04:02and it's responsible, and you won't let me?
04:15Here.
04:16What? What's this?
04:17It's a book I was reading about this.
04:19Really? A book?
04:22Yeah, you have to prepare.
04:23You can't just go in there and do a puppet show.
04:30All right.
04:33Yeah?
04:34Yeah, this all looks familiar.
04:40Although it's been a while.
04:45How do you pronounce that again?
04:48Fallopian.
04:52Not fallopian?
04:55Right, right, fallopian.
05:03Allie?
05:05Hi, Daddy.
05:07Hi.
05:07What you doing?
05:09Just playing with my dolls.
05:10Oh, good.
05:12Good.
05:15Listen, um, the other day you asked questions about babies and stuff.
05:21When you started sneezing?
05:23Yeah.
05:25Yes, yeah.
05:26Um, anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to talk about that now.
05:31Okay.
05:33Good.
05:34Good.
05:36Let me try to explain a few things.
05:46All right.
05:47All right.
05:50Okay.
05:53Here's what happens.
05:55When a man and a woman love each other very much, they get married.
06:00And then, sometimes, they decide to make a baby.
06:05Why are there babies?
06:06Right.
06:07Right.
06:07Okay.
06:08I'm gonna get to that.
06:10Okay.
06:12What a man and a woman do is...
06:15No, I mean, I know that the man and the woman have to do something, but...
06:19Why are we born?
06:21Why has God put us here?
06:40Because...
06:42That's...
06:43What?
06:49If we all go to heaven when we die, then why does God want us here first?
07:02Um...
07:05Why does God want us here?
07:07Yeah, why?
07:22Why are we here, Daddy?
07:23Yeah, I heard you.
07:24I heard you.
07:27You don't want to talk about sex?
07:34You ever hear the word fallopian?
07:41Okay.
07:41All right.
07:44Okay, you really want to know why God wants us here first?
07:48That's a good question.
07:51You see, God is up in heaven, and...
07:56Well, honey, it's very crowded up there.
08:06It is?
08:07Yeah.
08:08Yeah.
08:09And you don't want to be in heaven if it's crowded, right?
08:11I mean, remember when we went to Disney World?
08:14How crowded that was?
08:15Huh?
08:17I mean, it was fun, but it was too crowded, right?
08:20So God, he sends us down to Earth for a little while
08:24to ease the heavenly congestion.
08:51I don't want you to catch this.
08:52I don't want you to catch this.
08:53Huh-choo!
08:54Punch him.
08:55I'll be back in a minute.
08:56Huh-choo!
09:03What are you doing?
09:08You were only up there like...
09:08I got blindsided!
09:11What?
09:11What do you mean?
09:12I don't even want to talk about sex.
09:13She started asking questions about life.
09:16Why did God put us here?
09:17Crazy stuff like that.
09:20Wow.
09:20So what did you say?
09:21I told her we're here because heaven is crowded.
09:26You said heaven is crowded.
09:28I got ambushed!
09:30Oh, my God.
09:31Why do you let you back up there?
09:32No, you go.
09:33You go up there.
09:34No, no.
09:34You're the one that wants to prove he's mature, huh?
09:36Why can't you have this discussion with your daughter?
09:38Because I studied for the sex one.
09:40I wasn't ready for this.
09:42I don't just have a switch that can make me smart.
09:44No kidding.
09:46I mean, come on.
09:47You couldn't come up with anything?
09:48Just tell her we're put on Earth to...
09:50You know, because...
09:53Wow!
09:54Look at here.
09:55Yeah, yeah.
09:55A little bit swanny pairs.
09:57Maybe it is fallopian.
10:02Hey.
10:02Game's on satellite.
10:04And I made cannolis.
10:05Uh, uh, actually, you know what?
10:07We're kind of in the middle of something.
10:08Right, Ray?
10:09What, you only made four?
10:10Ray!
10:12Sorry.
10:12It's just that there's five of us here.
10:13No, I made six, but your father got it.
10:16No, no, I didn't.
10:18Well, then I guess two of them had wings,
10:20because they just flew away.
10:22Yeah, well, make another one of those and climb aboard.
10:28You know, you know, you know what?
10:29This really is not a good time.
10:31Why?
10:31What's going on?
10:32What's wrong?
10:32You two about to shack it up?
10:35No, we're not shacking it up.
10:37Allie just started asking some questions
10:39about where babies come from,
10:40and Ray was going to talk to her about it, but then...
10:42Wait a minute.
10:42You're going to talk to a child about S-E-X?
10:46Marie, if she's asking questions, we have to answer her.
10:49No, you don't.
10:51I mean, my boys had all sorts of questions,
10:53but I had Frank wait until they were teenagers to talk to them.
10:57Nobody talked to me.
11:00Yeah.
11:01What?
11:01Me neither.
11:02Frank, you told me you talked to them.
11:04Why?
11:04What do they need to hear?
11:07No one needs to tell a bee where to go to get the honey.
11:10Am I right, Ray?
11:12I know.
11:16This is terrible.
11:18You know, Robert,
11:20this might explain why you're still single.
11:27Sexual relations can be very confusing.
11:30I should have never left it up to your father.
11:32Do you want to talk?
11:38You know, I would,
11:39but I don't know what we'd do with all the vomit.
11:42No.
11:43No.
11:45Can we please stop?
11:46Look, it turns out,
11:47Allie doesn't want to know how we get here.
11:49She wants to know why we're here.
11:51Why God put us on Earth.
11:52And she's waiting for Ray to answer her.
11:54What's wrong with you?
11:55It's simple.
11:56Oh, okay, yeah.
11:57We're going to learn the meaning of life
11:59from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
12:02That's called protecting your sandwich.
12:06Listen to me.
12:07Here's what life is.
12:09You're born, you go to school,
12:11you go to work, you die.
12:12That's it.
12:13That's all.
12:14Cannoli Marie.
12:20Listen, we're not talking about what we do
12:21while we're here, Dad.
12:23Yeah, yeah, the big question
12:24is why we're here in the first place.
12:26You know, I've spent many a night lying in bed
12:29thinking about this kind of stuff.
12:32Life's imponderables.
12:36You need to find yourself abroad and pronto.
12:41Where are we?
12:42Where are we in the big scheme of things?
12:45Don't got to be a pretty one.
12:46Just grab something.
12:50I think Allie's too young
12:52to be worrying about things like this.
12:53No, I'm proud of her.
12:55I love it that she's such an independent thinker.
12:57If she's so independent,
12:58why can't she figure this out herself?
13:01Great.
13:01Listen, just get up there
13:02and tell her that God put us on Earth
13:04to help each other.
13:05It's simple, it's direct,
13:06it's a good way for her to live her life.
13:08What are you talking about?
13:09That doesn't answer anything.
13:10What, what, are you telling me that God said,
13:12hmm, Earth, let's see,
13:14what should I put there?
13:15Hmm.
13:15Hmm, that's your God?
13:20Yeah.
13:21No way.
13:22It's got to be deeper.
13:23And cool.
13:26Hello, I'm God.
13:35Keep going, Raymond.
13:37I think you're a wonderful God.
13:41So what did God say?
13:42Hey, uh, I'm gonna put some humans on Earth
13:45so they can help each other.
13:46Or, I could just skip humans altogether
13:49and go hit a bucket of balls.
13:52Oh, I know.
13:53It's all in the Bible.
13:57You ever think about space?
14:00What is it?
14:01Is it really endless?
14:03I mean, if you had a spaceship,
14:04could you go flying and flying through space forever?
14:07Why don't you give it a shot?
14:14No.
14:15I'm not kidding around here.
14:17I mean, how could space go on forever?
14:19And if it doesn't,
14:20then what's at the end, huh?
14:22Stop it, Robbie.
14:23You'll give yourself a tummy ache.
14:26What about the beginning of time?
14:28What was it before that?
14:30Before time?
14:31Nothing?
14:31I mean, what is nothing?
14:32How could there be nothing?
14:33This doesn't bother anybody else?
14:36Okay, everybody, listen to me.
14:38Sit down here.
14:41Listen.
14:42In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.
14:45Okay, okay, okay.
14:48Let there be light.
14:52Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
14:56It might take me a minute more.
14:59A minute more?
15:00Marie, religious scholars spend their entire lives trying to answer this question.
15:04You're not just gonna flip through the Bible and find the meaning of life.
15:06Oh, ye of little faith.
15:09That's in here somewhere, too.
15:12Look, if you want to know what's in the Bible, why don't you talk to Father Hubley?
15:15Hey, that's right.
15:17You know what?
15:17It's his job to know these things.
15:19What, are you gonna call him?
15:20Yeah.
15:21What are we putting the money in that basket for?
15:28Oh.
15:29Oh, it's his machine.
15:31Hey, Father Hubley, hi.
15:33It's Raymond Barone.
15:34Ask him about space.
15:34What's at the end?
15:35What's out there?
15:36Oh, will you stop it?
15:36What's out there?
15:39Anyway, me and the family were just sitting around, and we had a quick question for you.
15:45What is the meaning of life?
15:48So if you could get back to us as soon as possible, we'd appreciate it, all right?
15:53We're kind of waiting.
15:55Okay, thank you.
15:56Goodbye.
15:57God bless you.
15:59And us.
16:01And the meek.
16:04Here it is.
16:05Here it is.
16:06Where there are no oxen, the crib remains empty, but large crops come through the strength
16:14of the bull.
16:20That's got nothing to do with this.
16:22No.
16:25No.
16:33You know the fruit fly only lives one day?
16:39Huh?
16:40Huh?
16:40Well, uh, was he okay there?
16:42One day.
16:44What's his meaning of life, huh?
16:47Maybe there's no meaning of life for any one of us.
16:50I mean, really.
16:52Am I any different than the fruit fly?
16:56The fruit part's the same.
17:03Robert, the fruit fly doesn't question why he's here.
17:05That's what makes us different.
17:07And I don't know, maybe that's kind of the meaning of life.
17:09Never knowing the answer, but always wondering about it.
17:12So, so, God made us smart enough to know that there's an answer, but not smart enough to
17:16figure it out?
17:17Come on!
17:31All right, look, what am I going to tell Allie, huh?
17:33She's waiting now.
17:34Now let her come down here.
17:35I'll set her straight.
17:36No more of this nonsense.
17:37Not nonsense, Frank.
17:39Haven't you ever heard that the unexamined life is not worth living?
17:42Hey, you know what?
17:48See, that's your problem, Frank.
17:50You're so close-minded.
17:52No, the problem is you're so open-mouthed.
17:55No, she's right, Frank.
17:57Maybe if you let yourself be a little more open-minded and let yourself think about some
18:00of these things, life might be better here for all of us.
18:02Okay, great.
18:03You got answers for everybody except your own daughter.
18:05What?
18:05You heard it.
18:07It's me and him against all three.
18:09No, it's not, Dad.
18:16I'm just saying we should be focusing on what to tell Allie right now.
18:20Oh, we.
18:21Yeah, we, because we solve all the problems around this house, right?
18:25Let's face it, Ray, when you say we, you mean me, the smelly tramp.
18:39What?
18:42Smelly tramp.
18:43That's the nickname your son came up with for me.
18:45I didn't say that and you know it.
18:47It's smelly tramp.
18:51Oh, well, that's cute.
18:56Hey, Marie, while you're holding that Bible, I got a question for you.
18:59Did you eat the two missing cannolis?
19:04Frank, I'm not going to let you use the Bible like that.
19:07Answer me, yes or no?
19:09This is ridiculous.
19:10No, I didn't eat those two cannolis.
19:15Did you see what she did?
19:16Pick it up.
19:17Pick it up and tell us what happened to those cannolis.
19:20Oh, shut up.
19:21No, shalt not eat the cannoli.
19:25Never mind the cannolis, Ma.
19:27Take this Bible and tell me that you don't spend more money on Raymond's Christmas gifts than mine.
19:33That's ridiculous.
19:34Fifth grade, bike, slippers.
19:36Tell the truth.
19:38Those slippers were very expensive, Robbie.
19:41Take the book.
19:43All right.
19:45All right.
19:46Thank you for all the enlightenment.
19:48Wait a minute.
19:49What are you going to tell Allie?
19:50I don't know, but the answer can't be down here.
19:52Well, neither can I.
19:56Look, I don't know what I'm going to say exactly, but help me, all right?
20:00Don't just stand there and make your faces.
20:02Can we just do this?
20:03She's waiting.
20:04Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
20:07Leave that face in the hall.
20:11Allie.
20:12Hey, she's not in here.
20:14What?
20:22Allie.
20:25Allie.
20:26What?
20:27Listen, we wanted to talk to you about your question, okay?
20:30What question?
20:32Allie, honey, come on.
20:33What?
20:34Get up.
20:51Get up.
20:51Hey, hey.
20:52Whoa.
20:54Whoa.
20:55Whoa.
20:55Whoa.
20:55Get up.
21:10it's really something seeing the kids like that huh hmm yeah I think we learned a lot
21:16from them today baloney bosoms there's something to be said for childlike
21:28innocence yeah okay okay but I can see that you need some help now more than
21:37ever you need a visit from dopey
22:10do
22:19do
22:20do
22:20do
22:23do
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