- 2 days ago
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FunTranscript
00:01Hello, dears.
00:02Hey, Marie.
00:03Hey.
00:04Well, Deborah, I need my big spoon back.
00:06I'm making cakes.
00:07Oh, sure.
00:08For the bake sale?
00:09For the bake sale?
00:11Let's be honest, my cakes are the bake sale.
00:16I'm making cupcakes this year.
00:17Oh.
00:18I think that's sweet you're trying to help.
00:23I wouldn't make too many.
00:27Okay, that's it.
00:28I just needed my big spoon.
00:30Thanks.
00:31Back to baking.
00:32Oh, and I'm going to send your father over.
00:35Okay, goodbye.
00:35Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:35Wow.
00:37Why is she coming over here?
00:39Because I have to concentrate and I can't have him there.
00:42Well, I don't want him here.
00:43Yesterday, he was showing the kids how to burp out a candle.
00:48That's why I want him out.
00:49I'm working with food.
00:50It's a matter of public health.
00:54Oh, please.
00:56I do a lot of babysitting for you.
00:59Yeah, but our kids don't curse as much.
01:07Allie, why don't you go to the park with Grandpa?
01:10No, thanks.
01:15Damon, why don't you take him to one of your sports games?
01:18I'm not taking him to any of my sports games, okay?
01:21Besides, the only footballer around is Hofstra Northeastern.
01:24They're both 0-7.
01:25It's like watching the kids have a tickle fight.
01:29Well, your father already has his outside pants on,
01:31so I'm sending him over.
01:33What, Doc?
01:33Come on, Ma.
01:35Hey, hey, what's shaking everybody?
01:37Hey.
01:38Hey, Robert.
01:39Who you like in the big game today?
01:41What big game?
01:42Hofstra Northeastern.
01:43Where you been?
01:45Huh?
01:50What's with that?
01:57I really haven't been following Hofstra.
01:59What are you...
02:00Are you kidding me?
02:00This is their year.
02:02At Northeastern, it is like Clash of the Titans today.
02:05Yeah?
02:07You want to go or not?
02:08Really?
02:11He doesn't want to go.
02:12No, no, no.
02:13I'll go, I'll go.
02:14I want to go.
02:14All right.
02:16Good.
02:17Okay, great.
02:18Go get Dad and go.
02:19Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
02:22Me and Dad?
02:24Oh, that's right, dear.
02:25It's going to be a big tickle fight.
02:33All right, you know what?
02:34If you want to beat the traffic, you better get going.
02:35Well, what, what?
02:36You're not coming?
02:37I wish.
02:38I wish.
02:39I can't catch a break.
02:39Got to work on the frickin' bake sale all day.
02:44Witchy-poo's got me frosting up the cupcakes all day.
02:49Oh, the perils of marriage, huh?
02:53That's too bad, Raymond.
02:54Well, I'll be thinking about you.
02:56Yeah, I'll be thinking about you.
03:00Sucker!
03:06Witchy-poo.
03:06Witchy-poo.
03:07Yeah.
03:08That was great.
03:09The face that you made when I said it, it was perfect.
03:11Yeah.
03:11Yeah, just like that.
03:13Yeah.
03:15Okay, you can stop now.
03:33Go with Dad to the game.
03:38Why do you hate me?
03:41What's on your shirt?
03:42Nacho cheese.
03:45My introduction, please.
03:48You want to see what you did?
03:51Just introduce me.
03:57Lynn Swan, Jerry Rice, and now Frank Perrone.
04:06What?
04:07You bought a football?
04:08No, bought.
04:09Caught.
04:10Robert?
04:11Hey, look.
04:12I did your intro, Dad.
04:13I'm done.
04:14Hey, you were a witness to glory.
04:16History demands your testimony.
04:19What happened?
04:21Well, first of all, in spite of the hype,
04:24today's game was not a great matchup.
04:30Come on, really?
04:31But at the end, this kid from Hofstra kicks an unbelievable field goal.
04:3668 yards.
04:3868-yard field goal?
04:39Yep.
04:40The longest ever college or pro.
04:42Come on, Robert.
04:43Tell it like you're not a gelding.
04:48Well, we had seats behind the end zone, and Dad got lucky.
04:52Luck is the residue of design.
04:55What?
04:55Yes.
04:55Shut up.
04:56You should have seen it.
04:58It was a rocket.
04:59I got my hands ready for it.
05:01By dumping his nachos somewhere.
05:05It came towards me.
05:07Everyone was trying to get their mitts on it, but I put the moves on all of them.
05:10I jumped over a guy.
05:12You pushed the kid out of the way.
05:16I jumped over a guy.
05:19It was coming in high.
05:20I had to stretch for it.
05:22I could get only one hand on it, but that was enough.
05:24I brought that little piggy right down into my chest.
05:28Hello, little piggy.
05:35And then he went, wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
05:40It was the biggest moment ever in Hofstra history, and I haven't.
05:45You should have heard the crowd chanting for me.
05:48Give it back, jerk.
05:50Give it back, jerk.
05:52And boo it.
05:55Hey, Dad.
05:56Hofstra's gotta want that ball back.
05:58You bet your ass they do.
06:01I had to put the razzle-dazzle on a couple of mooks just to get out of the stand.
06:06Frank, that's a record for the school.
06:08You know it's not right to keep that, don't you?
06:11Don't bother, Deb.
06:12His soul was removed to make room for more stomach.
06:24A fan is supposed to do what's best for the team.
06:28That's what's so great about this.
06:30I'm not a fan.
06:33Those kids stick.
06:36Except for the kicker.
06:38Thanks, pal.
06:41Charmy, no?
06:42Hey, Dad, I'd give the ball back.
06:44Then it's a good thing you didn't catch it.
06:47Come on, Robert.
06:48Where are we going?
06:49To the lodge to tell the story.
06:51You go in before me and build me up.
06:55I don't like to toot my own horn.
06:59No, no, I'm not comfortable with that.
07:02Oh, yeah?
07:03I was living in my house for 40 years.
07:07Was that comfortable?
07:10All right, all right.
07:12I believe you were comfortable eating my food,
07:15watching my TV,
07:17wearing the springs out of my furniture with your two-ton rump.
07:24All right!
07:36Raymond, taste this.
07:43Good.
07:44How good?
07:45How much would you pay for this whole cake at the bake sale?
07:49Uh, $10?
07:51$10?
07:53All right.
07:55Wait a minute.
07:56Wait a minute.
07:59$1,000.
08:01You're the sweet boy.
08:05How much would you pay for my cupcakes?
08:06A million dollars.
08:09Where's the radio?
08:10Where's the radio?
08:11Wow, wow.
08:12What's going on?
08:12I heard it driving over.
08:14They're talking about Dad.
08:15Who is?
08:16The sports show.
08:17Oh, no!
08:19Hey, you wanna know what that guy is?
08:21I'll tell ya.
08:21He's a jackass.
08:23They are talking about him.
08:26Oh, man.
08:27You should've seen this guy.
08:29Bulldozes a kid getting the ball.
08:31Then, he hightails it out of there with some big goon.
08:37Hey!
08:38He was my ride!
08:40This is embarrassing.
08:42It never ends with your father.
08:44Boy, hot topic.
08:45Lines are lit up.
08:46Let's go to Frank in Lindbrook.
08:47Yeah, this is the jackass.
08:51I caught that ball and anybody who doesn't like it can kiss me between the back pockets.
08:57Woo!
08:57Are you kidding me?
08:58Are you kidding me?
08:59Wait a minute.
09:00You're telling us you're the guy?
09:02Damn straight.
09:04And you're proud of what you did?
09:05You bet I am.
09:07So what?
09:08You think you deserve the ball?
09:09You're gonna keep it?
09:10No, I'll give it back.
09:12For ten grand.
09:14What's wrong with him?
09:15What is wrong with him?
09:17A thousand dollars.
09:18The bidding starts at ten thousand dollars, yes.
09:22Unbelievable.
09:24So Dave, on line one, what do you think?
09:25Well, I think this Frank deserves to be kicked sixty-eight yards.
09:30Finally, a voice of reason.
09:34Frank, you're telling me Ron Fernandez doesn't deserve the ball?
09:38Who the hell's Ron Fernandez?
09:40The player who kicked the field goal.
09:43Well, his money's as good as anyone else's.
09:47I said, why do you let him use the phone?
09:51I got an idea.
09:52All you whiners who think this kid should have the ball can take up a collection and send it to
09:56Frank Barone, entrepreneur.
09:59Oh, no. I can't believe he said that.
10:01I know. Entrepreneur.
10:04No!
10:05No!
10:05Verone! Verone!
10:07Verone!
10:07He used a last name!
10:08This is gonna drive down the price of my cakes.
10:11Wait a minute.
10:11Verone?
10:12Any relation to Ray Verone, the sports writer?
10:15No!
10:15No!
10:17Sure, he's my son.
10:19No!
10:20No!
10:21No!
10:23Do you hear what he said?
10:25How could you say that?
10:30Oh, that explains it.
10:32Oh, I hate that guy's column.
10:33He thinks he's so funny.
10:34He blows.
10:37hey I should be taping this all right we got to take a quick break Frank we got a
10:45whole bunch of callers that want to talk to you can you stay with us I'd love to
10:48but I gotta hit the head and the cord won't reach that far
10:53and on that lovely note we'll be right back Frank I made you a snack thank you
11:13Frank hold the sandwich with two hands like a person I'm all right
11:24so
11:30like why do you say we turn off the TV
11:36what do you think I'm doing
11:44I'm taking this ball back to Hoff to where it belongs
11:47you floozy you're not going anywhere yes I am just give me that ball back and nobody gets hurt
11:55no no no okay okay okay the door's locked what are you locking the door for
12:03I'm open the door
12:09let me go you witches
12:16robin throw it robin throw it
12:37sorry
12:41idiot
13:06you should lock your doors it's a bad neighborhood
13:16hey Deb I'm really sorry I managed to throw the ball very well
13:21well I thought Ray was cutting back toward the window
13:27the closed window
13:30well I couldn't tell it was closed the glass looked very clean
13:34all right nobody believes anymore rock oh hey listen I think I got something here that's gonna take
13:43care of dad are those the papers to have them committed yeah
13:48ah-ha very funny okay this is my column for tomorrow morning you know what let me read it to
13:53you it'll be good to get a perspective from people who read my column every day
14:04you're kidding me you don't read my column
14:08you don't read my column it's just that it's always about sports
14:12what about you I used to read it a lot when we were dating
14:19I get the times
14:25just listen
14:27my father is the reason I became a sports writer
14:30growing up he took me to every game he could teaching me to appreciate the thrill of competition the grace
14:36of athletes and the wonder of a properly topped hot dog
14:40but sadly my father has become a symbol of what is wrong with sports today
14:45my father is Frank Barone who is now holding a football for ransom
14:51hoping to squeeze out a couple of dollars in a few minutes in the limelight
14:54I see now that my father and I no longer share the same idea of sports
14:58or for that matter life
15:01and because he'll never apologize I'll do it
15:04sorry Ron Fernandez
15:06sorry Hofstra University
15:08sorry sports fans everywhere
15:10you deserve better
15:11we all do
15:14so
15:15wow
15:16not bad
15:17I should read your stuff more often
15:21it's beautifully written and so honest
15:25what are you doing
15:26give me that
15:27you just said that it was good
15:29it's exceptional but you can't print that
15:31you don't attack your family in public
15:33what are you talking about
15:34you took a swing at him at the mall last week
15:37that's different he was doing skits in the lingerie store
15:42all right ma look he has to publish this
15:45all right that is a menace that he's got to be stopped
15:47see
15:48I'm with you all the way brother
15:54Ray your mom has a point
15:56oh my god
15:59I mean I just don't think this is going to get the ball back
16:01well what do you want to do draw up another plate for Fran Talkington here
16:08this is this is just going to make Frank dig his heels in even more
16:12think of our family Raymond
16:14it'll only destroy our harmony
16:17harmony
16:19are you hearing this
16:20are you because she's right
16:22what what happened to this
16:27I still got it
16:29it's just over here now
16:35you know what
16:37I don't care what you think all right
16:38people have to know that I am not like him
16:40oh really
16:41okay
16:42because I thought this was about getting the ball back
16:44but if you just want to clear your name then this will do it
16:46you should definitely publish it then
16:49don't try and pull that
16:50tell me to do it
16:51so I don't do it
16:53flippity flu
16:53okay
16:54I'm going to do it
16:55now you think this is going to stop me
16:57all I need is a piece of tape
16:58no I can just print it up again
17:00yeah that's what I'll do
17:01yeah
17:02and you know what
17:03I'm going to make it even stronger
17:04there's stuff that I left out
17:05that's the power of the press people
17:07and don't
17:08any of you try to stop me all I'll write something about you
17:17what kind of stuff you think you'd write
17:19don't worry about it Rob
17:21I had a slight bed wetting problem
17:45hey dad you down here
17:48hey
17:49what do you want
17:51look
17:52I tried a lot of different things to get you to do what's right
17:54alright
17:54I was even going to publish an article about you
17:56but some people thought it would screw up our family harmony
17:59so I'm going to try something else
18:02family harmony
18:03yeah I don't know
18:06alright guys
18:07come on down
18:10come on
18:11come on down it's okay
18:12what the hell is this
18:15this is Ron Fernandez dad
18:17who
18:18the guy who kicked the ball dad
18:20and this is his father
18:22oh geez
18:23what are you doing
18:26yeah
18:28uh well uh
18:30Mr. Barone
18:31that was really impressive the way you uh
18:34caught that ball
18:37I think that was a really great catch
18:40you were a real piece of work
18:41you can't afford ten thousand Mr. Barone
18:47I can pay you five hundred
18:51please
18:52I want it for my son
18:54thanks
19:15Captain Huggles
19:21keep your money i don't want your money god forbid i should make a buck
19:26but let me tell you something i know what this ball is worth
19:30so i better not see you selling it no sir
19:35i'm surprised you don't have him holding a puppy
19:46here thank you
19:51this is for you dad what no it's yours you should have it no
19:59you're the one who got me started dad i kicked it for you
20:20thank you mr barone you are a gentleman
20:35you see that yeah you see how nice that kid was to his father
20:48you owe me 10 grand
21:02if the nicks are ever going to compete with the lakers they need to be bigger up front
21:05let's see what you all have to say robert from lynbrook
21:09uh yeah hey gary long time listener first time caller
21:17i just i just want to say i heard that frank barone gave that ball back
21:22and i think he showed the true spirit of american harmony
21:28thank you i have to agree with you but we were talking about the nicks
21:32uh absolutely one more thing i liked when the guy said ray barone blows
21:40let's let's hear more from him
21:49laugh it up pee pee pants
21:51laugh
21:52laugh
21:53laugh
22:11laugh
22:13laugh
22:13laugh
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