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00:02hello dear what you doing there oh this this is called polishing silver
00:12no i i i know that it's just that we don't often see your silver
00:16oh please stop hinting deborah the silver's going to robbie it's already in the will
00:24what's this for lee and stan's anniversary party their 45th
00:28they're our dearest friends but i have to tell you i never thought they'd last this long
00:34where you going robert what's going on in there oh robbie's helping your father write a funny
00:39speech for lee and stan get back here we're not done oh we're done old man fine fine i don't
00:48need
00:48your help anymore marie i'm not doing the stupid speech it's the one thing you have to do for the
00:55party well now the one thing i have to do is eat shrimp you have to write something there are
01:01dearest friends to hell with them you're impossible when you talk to him he has to write something
01:09otherwise
01:15raymond
01:16fine don't even think of it raymond back back back
01:22uh uh uh uh uh uh uh read the will
01:30you can do it raymond you can do lee and stan's tribute no i can't
01:37they'll be so thrilled ma please i hardly know him raymond they're our dearest friends
01:44no no no we're practically related you lived at the house what when your father and i went to
01:50atlantic city that was a weekend it was a long weekend you said it oh raymond you'll be wonderful
01:59ma ma i spend all day trying to write my column i don't have time to come up with an
02:03anniversary
02:03speech not a speech it was a speech when your father was doing because that's all he could handle
02:08but you you could do anything not anything in fact nothing
02:15maybe you could do like an interpretive dance or something
02:20you could do a thing where you shut it
02:23hey listen ray whatever you do try to mention that my name is deborah lee keeps calling me donna
02:28are you helping me this has to be special because it's the evening's entertainment so i want you to
02:35feel free to get creative i'd like to feel free to not do this i'm not good at this stuff
02:40oh you're a
02:43witty and charming boy why don't you do a a funny poem a poem no no way no you don't
02:52want to disappoint
02:53everyone raymond yeah you can't help out
03:05your mother thinks i am a moron
03:09i agree to help her and he does some things for the party tomorrow listen to her directions for me
03:15deborah these are mini quiches then in parentheses french cheese pies
03:21put in the oven tomorrow at 6 p.m p.m is underlined
03:26oh wow that's not that bad oh no listen to this caution oven gets hot
03:35hey deb hey robert what's up shakespeare
03:40shut up how go with it i don't know here look at this
03:47it's no wonder stan was attracted to lee he's an accountant so he appreciates good figures
03:56what are you saying lee has a good figure have you seen lee stop it i know right it's not
04:06funny these
04:07people are not funny they play cards and walk around the mall for exercise they're boring people
04:13yeah too bad it's not ma and dad's anniversary then you'd have material oh you know what i was
04:19thinking of the other day remember the time mom sewed his fly shut
04:26what what was this yeah we were in high school and she was sick of him sitting on the couch
04:30all
04:30open and unzipped yeah it didn't work though he'd just come home whip off his pants and hang them on
04:37the front door and then he'd come in the house hey you know what that's what you should do stuff
04:46about your parents oh that's lee and stan's thing i know but you could do like a a marriage comparison
04:53you know where lee and stan are classic successful marriage and your parents are less classical
05:01that's true i would love to be able to bring up the time they drove a car through the living
05:06room wall
05:08yeah as opposed to lee and stan who prefer to ring the doorbell
05:14that's good yeah
05:19or how about the time my father accidentally gave out condoms for halloween
05:26about the time how about the time that they fought for a week because they were literally
05:30comparing apples and oranges right right i remember that i had to vote yeah
05:38that's good hey this is pretty good stuff maybe we should do it you and me we could do like
05:43a skit
05:43yeah sure i'll do it with you whoa wait a minute wait a minute you cannot do that what yeah
05:50sure we
05:50can you can be lee and my mom and i'll be stan and my dad oh that would be hilarious
05:55yeah what come
05:56what else we got on them like the pants thing oh no no no no look when i said that
05:59i wasn't serious
06:00count me out all right you're out so how'd you be doing
06:06no no no no no look look really let me tell you something ray this stuff is not funny what
06:13you
06:13were just laughing yeah yeah but that was behind their backs this would be in front of their faces
06:19with all their friends watching yeah see that's right they're friends so everybody would know we were
06:24just kidding around yeah well i'm telling you you shouldn't do this it will just humiliate them
06:29and your children will be watching the kids are going to be on a sleepover and mom and dad are
06:34humiliatable i'm telling you this is very risky no it's funny i think it's funny isn't it funny i thought
06:44it was funny ah maybe we shouldn't do it hey you know what i always like a good song parody
06:51a song parody
06:53like what how about something like lee and stan have been married 45 years lee and stan have been
07:03married 45 years or won't they like to play canasta and take walks around the malls and why not it's
07:10marvelous
07:10exercise i think the skit is funny i'm gonna do a skit i'm gonna do a skit
07:31and finally this is how lee and stan might visit someone's home
07:39ding dong hello thank you for inviting us oh stan isn't this a lovely house it certainly is and you
07:46are lovely too lee oh thank you stan i love you and i love you lee now let's take a
07:57look at how frank
07:57and marie might visit someone's home shall we do you think raymond is home let's find out baboon
08:12hello dears make me something to eat don't mind me i'll just be going through your mail
08:20and i'll just be watching your television
08:35oh frank zip up your pants zip up your mouth
08:41oh my god look what they leave lying around the sports illustrated swimsuit issue holy crap give me that
08:50frank frank frank you know that's not what real women look like no kidding
08:55and just what magazine are you in frank bald and gassy
09:00hey my problem is i got a lifetime subscription to you
09:05and i can cancel it at any time make me something to eat make it yourself if i could make
09:11it myself you'd be
09:12out on the curb you'd love that wouldn't you i think we'd both love it and you know what else
09:19we both
09:21love
09:22oh thank you so much i was crying laughing
09:33it's better than broadway i didn't like it too much lee and stan
09:40oh it's wonderful i like what you called the bald and gassy
09:46i knew him when he was just gassy
09:50look who's talking
09:52i said to frank that's you do it too
09:55you had this one down perfectly i was petrified
09:59well we're glad you could enjoy it better than broadway
10:10well raymond it's official they love you no matter what you do
10:16no matter what i do you mean like provide crowd-pleasing entertainment
10:20it just should be noted that everybody was drunk
10:25drunk with laughter
10:28oh my my my you know i expect that from raymond but not from you deborah i'm very disappointed
10:34no one's going to listen to robert anymore no one's going to listen to robert anymore
10:41you were wrong and we were funny and you can't stand it honey
10:47did i mention that you're due back at the zoo
11:17thank you
11:19uh a big indian or uh or uh a big funny galumpfy waiter
11:29bye
11:36never liked that guy
11:39marie this was terrific absolutely garvin was right your show was top notch
11:46thanks thanks thank you just remember who got raymond to do it well couldn't have done it without
11:51deborah well we had great inspiration she's right without us no show
11:58you two are so good you know you and frank better get ready because you might have to do
12:03something like that for their anniversary oh that i'd love to see no no no we wouldn't know what
12:09to do are you kidding it'd be a piece of cake oh yeah give us a little frank no no
12:15no you two just do
12:16us some more no no no go ahead no no no go ahead that's him with the amazing voice
12:24yeah the amazing voice all right oh i heard my pinky when i was typing
12:31the keys were so hard i can't do this anymore oh stop ray i'm trying to heat up soup from
12:42a can
12:48and it's very tricky
12:56that's you donna
12:59it's deborah who cares pay more attention to me i'm a needy whiny baby my pinky
13:11oh
13:14stop it's time
13:22oh oh ray you'd never help me with anything around you're idiot
13:30you're so mean to me i want my mommy
13:43then go over there because i'm too busy to be nice
13:51that's perfect because she's so mean to him
13:56he's such a baby
13:57i am not
13:58i am not
13:59oh see
14:01stop my stomach you're killing me
14:07more
14:09do do some more
14:10you know what uh it's getting kind of late
14:12yeah yeah it is it really is
14:15hey hey dad do how he has no ass
14:27sorry but that is messed up
14:30i mean that is just not funny
14:33why would they do that why because they have no class no class
14:38raymond you left without saying goodbye to lee and stan that was rude yeah where are your manners
14:44me manners you manners you were right you're right man they have no sense of humor
14:48i think that they feel good head of the season
14:51what are you talking about oh come on ma you didn't like our skit so you went out of your
14:55way to
14:55embarrass us we loved your skit didn't we frank yeah for those five minutes i didn't mind everybody
15:01drinking my booze okay let's just be honest all right we're sorry we made fun of you we're
15:07sorry we hurt your feelings hurt our feelings we were laughing everybody was laughing then why'd
15:13you lash out at us what the hell are you talking about we were being funny just like you being
15:20funny
15:20just like us let me explain something about humor to you people
15:33yeah see right there that's a perfect example of something that is not funny and also ugly
15:44i think that you need to learn that usually what makes something funny is its tone a light comic
15:51feeling that's why people were laughing during our skit we had the spirit of fun about us therefore the
15:57audience was free to feel comfortable and amused will this lecture be available on audio cassette
16:07i'm telling you ray i heard people laughing at our stuff too yeah okay fine if you want that kind
16:12of
16:12laugh those were cheap laughs they were of course they were oh granny said idiot what's clever about that
16:18yeah and when did i ever do this all right so let me get this straight it's okay to poke
16:28fun at mom
16:28and dad but you guys are strictly off limits no no no i mean come on robert there is a
16:38huge difference
16:39here we had to think up what we were going to say they were so ready with their attack yeah
16:43that's right
16:44like you're practicing in your basement yeah you know i think what we're seeing here is that humor
16:50well so often a tonic can be a poison to those unprepared to take it
17:00yeah yeah that's great why don't you ba-doot-dee-doot out of here
17:08okay now see a line like that just rolls off my back whereas if i call you a name like
17:15nosy nosenstein
17:19you get your big honker all out of whack
17:34look our skit was all in fun we were even worried about offending you why would you be offending us
17:41yeah you think you're telling us stuff we don't know marie knows she's a big pain in the ass
17:49and frank knows he's a pig with shoes
17:54yeah yeah i tell you what would have been funny if you had talked about the time we drove the
17:59car
17:59through your house now that was hysterical okay you know i really did hurt my pinky that time
18:16oh raymond raymond you have to believe me we didn't mean to hurt your feelings with our little
18:25imitations but now that i know you both are so sensitive we will never make those kinds of jokes
18:33again all right wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute i mean you're implying that we can't take
18:43a joke and of course we can of course we can i love to take a joke yes i mean
18:48we know that you
18:50were just kidding around we are fine we laugh at ourselves all the time all the time we're laughing
18:55we're joking all the time i mean everybody knows that he's kind of a whitey baby who needs his mommy
18:59and never does anything around the house that's right that's right and you're you're like an uptight
19:04cranky yell machine yeah so you have a perfectly good sense of humor so everybody's okay yeah sure
19:17are you kidding we're fun people oh okay good oh i'm so relieved yeah me too because there was no
19:28way
19:28i was going to stop with the jokes yeah we don't want you to no way that's what families are
19:34all
19:34about so all right all right that was fun all right well you know i gotta tell you i really
19:40misjudged
19:41you guys you're much better sports than i gave you credit for and your skit was funny thanks robert
19:47thanks man oh you know like i always say live love laugh
19:56i'll see you
20:04cranky uptight yell machine hey whoa whoa what about you huh whiny baby needy mommy i only say that because
20:09it's true oh look out don't want to turn on the yell machine because there's no off switch
20:13mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy my wife is being mean to me
20:18oh yeah that's a good comeback that's a good comeback oh there's another one oh there's another one
20:50that's a good one oh there's another one oh wait a minute there's a teaspoon missing
21:01there's supposed to be 12 teaspoons there's only 11 ma what the hell
21:06what are you yapping about there's supposed to be 12 teaspoons this is an incomplete set
21:13what party are you going to give with 12 guests
21:18a big party because it'll be the reading of your will
21:23maybe got scraped into the trash can maybe it's the trash
21:44what party are you going to be the one who is going to be the party
21:52the party is not funny
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