- 2 days ago
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00:03You're probably wondering what I am doing in a prison or a war camp dressed as a dancing girl.
00:10My breath will not last long enough for me to tell you, but suffice it to say, we are about
00:15to escape in a rubbish cart driven by Lieutenant Gruber, who is the one who fences me.
00:35It's here, chaps. It's here. My goodness. Come on, Colonel. Eyes and teeth.
00:48I say, that would tell a good. They're shouting a few more.
00:52Your uncles. Go on for the cart.
01:03Psst! Come here! Crouch down!
01:16This is show business for you. One minute, you are a star. The next, you are on a rubbish heap.
01:24Keep digging, von Smallhausen.
01:27Herr Flick! Herr Flick, we have broken through!
01:30Good. We will see where this tunnel is emerging.
01:35He is to be holding tight.
01:46This could be the dormitory of the nunnery.
01:50If your theory is correct, von Smallhausen, the nuns have very large feet and a strange taste in pictures.
01:58If you are in the prisoner of war camp, we must return at once to Gestapo headquarters.
02:17Open the gate.
02:18You are wearing a rotten disguise.
02:20Go back to your hut, Englishman.
02:22And put the air so thick of the Gestapo.
02:24And I am Hitler's Auntie Nellie.
02:29Von Smallhausen, the tunnel.
02:46What are you playing at?
02:48I regret to say that we have some mechanical malfunction.
02:51We will fix it.
02:57It smells terrible in here. I am going to have to get out.
03:10I have traced the fault. There was a loose wire.
03:13Good. Start it again and let's get cracking.
03:20Oh, Michelle. I am still shaking from fear.
03:23Oh, but it was a glorious episode.
03:25We accomplished our mission and we got the airmen back into the camp.
03:30I see that. What's going on?
03:32What are you chaps doing here?
03:34I followed you.
03:35You were supposed to stay behind at the camp.
03:39Oh. Well, you should have said.
03:40I did say. I told you when you were getting dressed.
03:44I had a lot of trouble with Fairfax's bra. I probably wasn't listening.
03:49What are they doing here?
03:51There has been a cook-up.
03:57You are late, von Smallhausen.
03:58My peasant servant forgot to wake me up.
04:01Did you shoot him?
04:03I spoke to him sharply and told him to be more careful in future.
04:07I sometimes wonder how you got into the Gestapo von Smallhausen.
04:12I think it was the limb.
04:15I'm the sinister gay.
04:17Take this wireless and follow me.
04:19It's very light, Herr Flick.
04:21It is the latest model.
04:22Bring also the batteries.
04:32Oh, Mr. Holyclair, get behind the bar. Polish the glasses.
04:36Yes, my dear.
04:37No, look. Take this money, go across the square and buy more gin.
04:41Your mother has drunk it all.
04:45How shall I disguise myself?
04:48You will not need a disguise.
04:51Just go as yourself, a perfectly normal idiot.
04:56Now!
04:58Oh, really?
04:59I will take some food down to the cellar to the colonel.
05:02Heady, do not give him our food.
05:04Tell him to get back to his office and leave us in peace.
05:06How can he get back to his office when he is dressed as a girl from the Folly Begers?
05:11Why does he not borrow my coat and hat?
05:13Because at the escape there is a curfew.
05:15If he is found as a civilian, he could be shot.
05:18Lieutenant Gruber will bring his uniform.
05:20Very well, feed him.
05:22Very well, feed him.
05:28Oh, Renée!
05:29Evee!
05:32Oh, at last we are alone.
05:36Hold me tight.
05:37Oh, Renée.
05:39Oh, Renée, it is so long.
05:47Sorry, where were we?
05:49It is so long since you held me like this.
05:52Oh, just the feel of your strong body through my silver blouse makes my knees tremble.
05:59What a coincidence.
06:04When are you going to tell your wife you are leaving her?
06:07Uh, soon, Yvette. Soon.
06:10Well, why not this morning?
06:12Well, it is very complicated, Yvette.
06:15You must remember that I have been shot dead and I am now posing as my own twin brother.
06:19My will left this cafe to Edith.
06:21And so, if I am going to get my hands back on it, I am going to have to do
06:24it by marrying her again
06:25and then telling her that I am leaving her to marry you.
06:29So, you see, this morning is not a good time.
06:34Oh, tell me there is nobody else.
06:36There is nobody else.
06:38I feel better now.
06:40Oh, Yvette, dear sweet emotional child.
06:44Let me look at you.
06:45Oh, you are crying in one eye.
06:49I think it is a little bit of grit.
06:54Keep very still and I will get it out.
07:06I thought for a moment that you were perhaps still closed.
07:09Oh, for the German army we never close, particularly an hero of the Russian front.
07:15I have here the uniform for the Colonel.
07:17He will be delighted. He is in the cellar.
07:19I will take it down to him.
07:21Oh, Lieutenant Grover, good morning.
07:23The Colonel will be pleased to see you.
07:26Renée, it is. Michel wishes to speak with us in the back room.
07:35Do not move.
07:36Michel, what are you doing here in broad daylight?
07:39I have bad news. Gather round.
07:42I have very little time, so listen very carefully.
07:44I shall say this only once.
07:47Maria did not escape with us.
07:48We know that.
07:50What happened to her?
07:51We have information that in order to escape, she broke into the postal room of the prisoner of war camp.
07:57Once there, she disguised herself as a red cross parcel.
08:02Unfortunately, she did not put on enough stamps.
08:06So they have sent her back to Switzerland.
08:13All perfectly logical, I suppose.
08:16The poor child.
08:18Renée, we must light a candle for her.
08:20Oh, of course.
08:24For Maria.
08:32We must advertise for a new girl.
08:34I have more news.
08:36We have information that Hitler is preparing to invade England.
08:39We must be ready to carry out sabotage as soon as we receive the orders.
08:42What about the airmen?
08:44They will have to stay here.
08:45This operation has absolute priority.
08:48Where are they now?
08:54London will be coming through on the radio.
08:56We must hurry.
09:04Hi, Von Smallhausen.
09:05London is due to transmit at any moment.
09:08It's very heavy here, Fleek.
09:11Stop whinging, Von Smallhausen.
09:14What do you intend to do with this radio now that I have humped it onto the roof of the
09:18shuttle?
09:19We will jam the broadcast from London and substitute one of our own.
09:27Oh, she sleeps.
09:31She looks like a little angel.
09:33She looks more like a dead moth.
09:37We must wake her very gently.
09:40Mama.
09:41Mama.
09:43Mama.
09:45Wake up, you old bat!
09:48Oh!
09:49Oh, no, no, no.
09:51You have awoken me from my dream.
09:55You are callous and artless, Rene.
09:57She was smiling so beautifully.
10:00Was it a nice dream, Mama?
10:02Mama.
10:02Well, it was, er...
10:05vivid.
10:07And a bit, er...
10:09naughty.
10:10It is.
10:12One, two, three!
10:16Sorry, Mama.
10:17The radio.
10:21Oh!
10:22Oh!
10:23Oh!
10:23It's a flashing note!
10:27It has broken my dream.
10:35What are you doing in the bed of my motherland?
10:38When I climbed through the dream poop in the Prisoner of War Comp, I slopped and bunged my home.
10:47Your mother allowed me to lay on her bod so I could have a bit of wrist.
10:54London is coming through on the radio.
10:57Shut up!
10:59Hello, hello.
11:00This is Nighthawk.
11:01Come in, London.
11:02Over.
11:03Hello, Nighthawk.
11:04London calling.
11:05London calling.
11:06I have them.
11:08I will now jam the London transmitter and broadcast myself.
11:12This is Nighthawk.
11:14Come in, London.
11:16Hello, Nighthawk.
11:18We wish to send medals to all the members of the Resistance.
11:22Please give me their names and addresses.
11:25We do not know their names and addresses, but send me the medals and I will pass them on.
11:32Where are the airmen?
11:33In the back room.
11:35Where is the back room?
11:36Behind the front room.
11:39He is asking a lot of questions.
11:42Give it to me.
11:43Are you sure you are in London?
11:45Of course.
11:46I am in Piccadilly Circus.
11:47The effects.
11:49One small hustle.
11:49The effects.
11:52Pepe.
11:54Pepe.
11:55Read all about it.
12:00Violets.
12:01Lovely violets.
12:04Violets.
12:06I am falling off the roof.
12:07No.
12:10Jake.
12:11It is our fit.
12:11We have been discovered.
12:13This rental everything.
12:18You fool.
12:19What are you doing?
12:20They do not know our position and now you have smashed the radio.
12:23We cannot speak to London.
12:28Lieutenant.
12:29Lieutenant Kruber.
12:29I am very worried about Hans.
12:31He has not been seen since he was catapulted over the wire.
12:34Do you think he has deserted?
12:35No, not Hans.
12:36He has neither the courage nor the intelligence to be a coward.
12:43I have searched the vicinity of the camp and found these.
12:50These are the spectacles of Hans Gehring.
12:53I questioned a passing peasant who said that an RAF officer answering to the description of Hans was taken away
12:59by the resistance.
13:00Can we be sure it was the captain?
13:02Yes.
13:03These are the spectacles of little Hans.
13:06Through these very lenses, those beady eyes used to stare at me.
13:12Like a trusting Pekingese.
13:17Colonel, Lieutenant Kruber.
13:19Sorry to keep you waiting.
13:21You are probably wondering why I have been upstairs with my wife and the policeman.
13:27France really.
13:28One is not surprised at anything.
13:30No, Colonel.
13:31It was nothing like that.
13:32It never is.
13:36I was consulting this officer of the law about my security arrangements.
13:41There are many buglers about.
13:44The girls should lick their bedroom door and your wife should have a good strong belt.
13:51He means bold.
13:53Thank you, officer. Be on your way.
13:55Come and sit down, Reddick.
13:56I want to talk to you urgently.
13:58Yes, in a moment.
14:01Thank you, gas inspector, for reading my meter.
14:06Sir, there is a nasty smell in the kitchen which I wish you to sniff with your professional nose.
14:11It is either a gas leak or the camembert is off.
14:14Look after the Colonel, will you?
14:19Now, give me back my hat and coat and get out of here.
14:21René, I have the solution to our problem.
14:24As far as I am concerned, she is our problem.
14:26Outside the cafe is the little tank of Lieutenant Gruber.
14:30In it is a radio.
14:31Why do we not contact London on it?
14:33You are more mad than she is.
14:34This is the bold idea of a brave woman.
14:37We will do it.
14:38Do it? The Germans are in the cafe ten yards away.
14:41We will arrange for them to be distracted.
14:44We will all rendezvous inside the tank in three minutes.
14:48But...
14:49I will have nothing to do with this.
14:52You are the bravest man in all France.
14:54You are the courage of a chicken.
14:58A very little chicken.
15:03René, I insist on speaking to you.
15:06Allow me to get you a drink, Colonel.
15:17Where have you been?
15:19I passed out in the bushes.
15:22I was returning with the gin.
15:25And I was hit on the head by a red hill.
15:30No doubt dropped from a passing aeroplane.
15:33The Germans are shooting them down all the time.
15:35Get behind the bar.
15:37Now, what can I do for you?
15:39René, we are very worried about Hans.
15:41He was taken away by the resistance.
15:43He is in RAF uniform. He could be shot on sight.
15:46Or the resistance could have kidnapped him.
15:48And be holding him to ransom.
15:50Yes.
15:50I was watching him when he landed in the hobby ship.
15:53I think perhaps he was taken by the communist resistance.
15:57The communist resistance?
15:58I thought they were on strike.
16:01It has been settled.
16:02They have agreed to hire ransoms.
16:04Well, if I hear anything, Colonel, you will be the first to know.
16:10René, Michel will be waiting outside for us in the little tank.
16:13Edith, we cannot just walk out of here. They will wonder where we have gone.
16:16We need a diversion.
16:19I could do for you my world-famous blindfold and knife-for-throwing performance.
16:26We need a diversion, not a massacre.
16:29I have it. Come with me.
16:32Lieutenant Hoover, there is something René would like you to do, but he is too shy to ask.
16:39And what is this?
16:41What are you saying, Edith?
16:43It is such a long time since you played for us at the piano.
16:47René is always talking about your singing. Are you not, René?
16:51No, it is the sole topic of my conversation.
16:52I should be delighted.
16:54And what is your favourite song, René?
16:57Oh, anything, Lieutenant Hoover.
16:58You choose.
16:59I think you will be enjoying this one.
17:04Mad about the boy.
17:09I know it's stupid, but I'm mad about the boy.
17:15I'm so ashamed of it, but must admit,
17:19the sleepless nights I've had about the boy.
17:22Monsieur, we've been waiting on the tank.
17:25On the silver screen.
17:27Lieutenant Hoover, your singing is so beautiful.
17:31I must go outside.
17:33I do not like to be seen crying in front of men.
17:37I understand.
17:39I feel a bit emotional myself.
17:42Lord knows I'm not a schoolgirl.
17:47I shouldn't really care.
17:49Keep singing. I can hear you from outside.
17:57Edith, this is madness.
17:59Michel, Michel.
18:00She is not here. Let us go back to the cafe.
18:02Quick. It is all connected.
18:04All we need is an higher aerial.
18:06Ah, well, I do not happen to have one.
18:08Edith, back into the cafe.
18:09No, no, it is all arranged.
18:11It is attached to this brick.
18:18What are you doing? That is the window of my bathroom.
18:21Oh, oh, oh.
18:26Oh.
18:29Oh.
18:29Oh, I've thrown a brick into my bathroom.
18:32It's all right, Mama.
18:34It is only the resistance.
18:36What is right? Tell the whole neighborhood.
18:37Hello.
18:39Hello? Are you all leaving me?
18:41Over.
18:42Quick, they are coming through.
18:45You take the radio.
18:46I must merge into the scenery.
18:49Merge into the scenery?
18:50She says, why cannot we merge into the scenery?
18:53The radio.
18:54No.
19:01It is not correctly tuned.
19:03I will twiddle the nerve.
19:12I'm feeling quite insane.
19:15And young again.
19:17And all because I'm mad about the boys.
19:30Good morning.
19:32Where is the owner of the smell-tink?
19:37I am the owner.
19:38You have left your radio on.
19:40If you do not swatch it off, you will have a flit-bittery.
19:45I was just leaving anyway.
19:47Can I give anyone a lift, Colonel Helga?
19:51Hello, hello.
19:53I am receiving you.
19:55Stand by.
19:56We have somebody who wishes to speak with you.
19:58I do not recognize this voice.
20:00Do you think he could be a flick again?
20:03Very likely.
20:04Let us get out of here.
20:11René?
20:12What were you doing, Grim's little tank?
20:15Well, we had the telephone ring,
20:18so we just popped in to answer it.
20:20In case it was anyone important for you.
20:23Like Hitler.
20:24Hello.
20:25That doesn't sound like Hitler.
20:27Hello.
20:30This is Colonel Von Stroh.
20:32Who is talking?
20:34Captain Hans Gehrig.
20:36Hans, thank heavens you are safe.
20:39What happened to you?
20:41The resistance took me away.
20:44He is in the hands of the resistance.
20:45They will be wanting a ransom.
20:47Hans, can you give us your present position?
20:51I am in on this, overlooking Piccadilly Circus.
20:58What happened?
20:59I am afraid the war is over for me, Colonel.
21:02The resistance mistook me for a British Airman
21:04and sent me back to England.
21:06Then you must escape and get back here as soon as possible.
21:11That will not be easy, Colonel.
21:13You see, I do not have my spectacles.
21:16What?
21:16What am I going to tell the general?
21:20Well, tell him the food is very good
21:23and the British thinks they are going to win.
21:25Over and out.
21:28Hans?
21:30Hans!
21:30A lot of people don't want to know.
21:30Like a young man that will have to call them on.
21:30I am sure it's a small, so I don't know.
21:30I do not know.
21:30I'm sure I am frightened.
21:31But there is a really good idea.
21:31and I will have to talk about the people that I have previously.
21:31I have to get back then.
21:31And then I have to make this a big deal.