- hace 3 semanas
Basil is at his obsequious best when he decides that one of the guests, Mr. Hutchinson, is a hotel inspector. Why else would the man be asking for the rental of a television and a myriad of other out of the ordinary services? Basil is fawning all over him while he is at his rude best with the remaining guests, including Mr. Walt who has his own reasons for staying at the Fawlty Towers. Things go from bad to worse when Basil decides that he may have made a mistake.
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00:00Music
00:29electrician, didn't he? Real live why he was. Only one watt with plenty of vaults, as they say.
00:38Well, anything in trousers, yes. Or out of them, preferably.
00:44Yeah. No, just lighting up. Go on.
00:51I know, I've heard that with her mother in the same room.
00:54No. No. No, no, of course I won't. Go on.
01:04Basil? Yes, dear? Oh, no. Who saw them? Basil? Yes, dear?
01:09Could you come and attend to a gentleman out here, dear? Nineteen?
01:13What, you mean out where you are, dear? Well, last one was only 22. He was.
01:18That's right. Quite busy in here, dear. Are you very busy out there?
01:21I'm on the telephone, Basil. My husband will be with you in a moment.
01:24Thank you. So I'll stop work and come out there, shall I, dear?
01:27No, no, no. The Maltese one. Well, I'm glad that's settled in.
01:32No, no, dear. He was an errand.
01:33Darling, when you've finished, why don't you have a nice lie down?
01:37I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, sir. I had no idea my wife was so busy.
01:41Fear not, kind sir. It matters not one whit.
01:44Beg your pardon?
01:45It matters not one whit. Time is not pressing on me, fortunately.
01:49Now, some information, please.
01:51This afternoon, I have to visit the town for some repurposes, which would be of no interest to you, I'm quite sure.
01:55But nevertheless, I shall require your aid in getting for me some sort of transport,
01:59some hired vehicle, that is, to get me to my first port of call.
02:03You all right?
02:04Oh, yeah.
02:04Yes, I find the air here most invigorating.
02:07I see. What did I gather from your first announcement that you want a taxi?
02:10In a nutshell.
02:11Case more.
02:12And two o'clock, please.
02:14Well, there's the number of the local firm.
02:16Now, please, please, could you get it for me?
02:18Because I never use the telephone if I can avoid it.
02:20Why not?
02:21Risk of infection.
02:22So, when I finish, right?
02:23Now, I have a rendezvous at five o'clock at this address,
02:26which I must reach from the post office in Queen's Square.
02:28Now, as the map is sadly inadequate,
02:30I would be very grateful if you could draw me a diagram of the optimum route.
02:34Well, I mean, may I ask what's wrong with the map?
02:36Well, it's got curry on it.
02:37Well, look, it's perfectly simple.
02:39Now, you go to the end of Queen's Parade and...
02:41No, just listen.
02:42No, I just want a diagram, please.
02:43No, it's really very simple.
02:44Well, I'd rather have a diagram if it won't put you out.
02:46Well, it does put me out.
02:47Well, I'd like it all the same.
02:50Basil.
02:52Right.
02:52Yeah, then.
02:53We do have pens.
02:54Oh, yeah?
02:54We have actually got pens in the hotel, thank you so much.
02:58Somewhere.
02:59I mean, where are the pens?
03:00I mean, would you believe it?
03:01I mean, there are no pens here.
03:02I mean, this is supposed to be a hotel.
03:06Well, what are they doing in there?
03:08I put them there.
03:09Why?
03:09Just sign there, Mr. Walt, because you're always losing them, Basil.
03:12I am not always losing them.
03:14People take them.
03:15Well, they don't take them from me.
03:16They wouldn't dare.
03:18Well, I'm sorry I didn't guess that you'd suddenly done that after 12 years, dear.
03:21I'm afraid my psychic powers must be a little bit below par this morning.
03:24There we are.
03:25Don't be silly, Basil.
03:26It's written there quite clearly on the top of the box.
03:28Pens?
03:29It's more like Ben's to me.
03:31Well, when Ben comes, you can give it to him.
03:33Mr. Walt's in room seven.
03:35What do you think?
03:35Doesn't that look like Ben's to you?
03:37Not really.
03:37Well, it does to me.
03:38Look, there's a P.
03:39No, I don't quite understand this.
03:41Where is the post office?
03:42It's there where it says post office.
03:44I'm sorry if it's confusing.
03:47Oh, P off.
03:49You've used the abbreviation.
03:51Ah, the penny's dropped.
03:52Yeah, well, I thought it said boff.
03:54Of course.
03:54Yes, and I thought that boff was a locale, you see, a name of a district.
03:58You see, that P looks like a B.
04:00No, it doesn't.
04:00Yes, it does.
04:01A little loop on the bottom of it.
04:01Excuse me, would you say that was a P of a B?
04:03There, there, does it say boff or does it say poff?
04:06Hello.
04:06There, there, it's a P, isn't it?
04:07I suppose so.
04:08P off.
04:09I beg your poff?
04:10P off.
04:11P off?
04:11Who ever heard of a post office?
04:14Nine?
04:15What?
04:15Room nine.
04:16Room seven.
04:17Manuel, would you take these cases to room seven, please?
04:20Okay.
04:23He thinks boff is a locale.
04:25He thinks what?
04:26You know, some zone, some province in Equatorial talking.
04:35Manuel will show you to your room, if you're lucky.
04:38Excuse me, excuse me.
04:39In how many minutes does luncheon commence, please?
04:42Twelve.
04:42Here, I'll write it down for you.
04:44Twelve.
04:45Don't forget the taxi, will you?
04:46Two o'clock.
04:47Yes, and if anybody wants me, I'll be in the lounge.
04:49If anybody wants you?
04:50I'll be in the lounge!
04:52Anyone in particular?
04:53I mean, Henry Kissinger?
04:54Oh, just anyone with a big net.
04:56I don't know what it is about this place.
04:58I mean, some of the people we get in here...
04:59What are you on about?
05:01I wish you'd help a bit.
05:02You're always refurbishing yourself.
05:03What?
05:04Oh, never mind.
05:05Never mind.
05:05Don't shout at me.
05:06I've had a difficult morning.
05:08Oh, dear.
05:09What happened?
05:09Did you get entangled in the eider down again?
05:11Not enough.
05:13Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long
05:15you didn't have time to perm your ears?
05:19Actually, Basil, I've been working.
05:22You know what I mean by working, don't you, dear?
05:24I mean, getting things done
05:25as opposed to squabbling with the guests.
05:27I would find it a little easier
05:28to cope with some of the cretins
05:30we get in here, my little nest of vipers,
05:32if I got a smidgen of cooperation from you.
05:35Cooperation?
05:35That's a laugh.
05:36The day you cooperate,
05:37you'll be in a wooden box.
05:38I've never heard such rudeness.
05:39Look, if you think I'm going to fawn
05:41to some of the yobbos we get in here...
05:42This is a hotel, Basil,
05:44not a borstal,
05:45and it might help business
05:46if you could have a little more courtesy.
05:49Just a little.
05:49I suppose talking to Audrey
05:50for half an hour helps business, does it?
05:52It was about business, for your information.
05:54Audrey has some news that may interest you.
05:56Oh, really?
05:57This'll be good.
05:57Let me guess, the mayor wears a toupee?
06:00Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats?
06:01Am I getting warm?
06:03There are some hotel inspectors in town.
06:06What?
06:09What does she know?
06:10That's all she knows.
06:11Well, how does she know?
06:12A friend of Bill Morton's
06:13overheard three men in a pub last night
06:15comparing notes on places
06:16they'd just been in Exeter.
06:17Three men?
06:18I'll call Bill.
06:19You don't have to call Bill, Basil.
06:20Just try to exercise a little courtesy.
06:27Papers arrived 40 years.
06:28Not yet.
06:29Oh, not yet.
06:29No, major.
06:30No, sorry.
06:31Sorry.
06:31I don't get it.
06:43Could you do that in a moment, please?
06:44I'm on the telephone.
06:45You haven't finished dial-in yet, have you?
06:46There was a documentary on BBC Two this evening
06:51about Squawking Bird, the leader of the Blackfoot Indians
06:54in the late 1860s.
06:55Now, this starts at 8.45 and goes on
06:57for approximately three quarters of an hour.
06:59I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
07:00Indeed I am, yes.
07:01Now, is it possible for me to reserve the BBC Two channel
07:04for the duration of this televisual feast?
07:06Why don't you talk properly?
07:08I beg your pardon?
07:08No, it isn't.
07:09What?
07:10It is not possible to reserve the BBC Two channel
07:12from the commencement of this televisual feast
07:13until the moment of the termination of its ending thinking so much.
07:16Oh, I see.
07:17Well, might I suggest, then, that you introduce such a scheme?
07:19No.
07:21I would just like to tell you
07:22that I have a wide experience of hotels
07:24and some of those of my acquaintance
07:26have had the foresight to introduce this facility
07:28for the benefit of their guests.
07:30Oh, I see.
07:30You have a wide experience of hotels.
07:32Yes, in my professional activities,
07:34I am in constant contact with them.
07:35Are you?
07:36Are you really?
07:37Yes.
07:37Well, then, is it possible for me
07:39to hire a television set
07:42to view the programme in the privacy of my own room?
07:44I beg your pardon?
07:46Have you the facility
07:47to hire a television set to one of your guests?
07:50Ah, good point.
07:51I'm glad you asked me that.
07:52And not as such.
07:53Oh.
07:53However, we do have plans
07:54to introduce such a scheme in the near future.
07:56Yes, well, that's not much use to me tonight, is it?
07:58No, but I'll tell you what,
07:59why don't I introduce another scheme
08:01straight away along the lines
08:02that you've already suggested
08:03by which I reserve the BBC Two Channel for you tonight?
08:06Now, that's more like it.
08:07Ah, well, not at all.
08:08I mean, that's what we're here for, isn't it?
08:10Yes.
08:10Is there anything else before I call your taxi?
08:12Well, yes, there is.
08:13Somebody in there mentioned
08:14that you had a table tennis table.
08:16Indeed we do, yes.
08:18It is not in absolutely mint condition,
08:20but it could certainly be used in an emergency.
08:22Ah!
08:23It is to be found in the South Wing,
08:24overlooking the courtyard,
08:25where there is, of course, ample parking.
08:27Ah, Polly, and Mr Hutchison,
08:29may I introduce Polly Sherman,
08:30who is with us at the moment?
08:31How do you do?
08:31How do you do?
08:32Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.
08:33We've met before, I think.
08:34Yes, I served you at breakfast.
08:35Oh, yes, and you spilt the grapefruit juice,
08:37didn't you, you naughty girl?
08:38And you moved the glass, didn't you?
08:40Thank you, thank you, Polly.
08:41Yes, awfully nice girl, very bright.
08:43She's a fully qualified painter, you know.
08:45Oh, really?
08:45Yes, yes.
08:47Ah, good morning.
08:47Good morning, ladies.
08:49We do like to have girls of that calibre
08:51that helps out.
08:51It does add a certain, er...
08:52Well, would you care to partake of lunch now?
08:54Well, sure, it's not yet.
08:56Oh, goodness me,
08:59I mean, this is a hotel, not a bolstel.
09:00What?
09:02Have you?
09:03He's not half past yet.
09:04I was just saying to Mr. Hutchison, dear,
09:05this is a hotel, not a bolstel.
09:08Chef won't be ready, Basil.
09:09Leave it to me, dear, leave it to me.
09:11Did you ring Bill?
09:12No, dear, not necessary.
09:13What?
09:13Explained later,
09:14but I must look after Mr. Hutchison now.
09:16A Spanish omelette.
09:18Yes, and all on the plate, please,
09:20not on the tablecloth.
09:22Excuse me,
09:23you're not by any chance the Duke of Kent, are you?
09:26No, no, no, no, no,
09:27you've got the wrong person there.
09:28Ah, Mr. Hutchison,
09:29good morning, Daniel.
09:30Oh, yes, I'm going to have you a Spanish omelette.
09:32Splendid.
09:33Yes, I assume that all the vegetables
09:35within the omelette are fresh.
09:36Oh, yes, yes.
09:37Including the peas.
09:38Oh, yes, they're fresh, all right.
09:39They're not frozen, are they?
09:40Well, they're frozen, yes.
09:42Well, if they're frozen,
09:43they're not fresh, are they?
09:44Well, I assure you,
09:44they were absolutely fresh
09:45when they were frozen.
09:46Oh, dear.
09:47There's a lot of this nowadays in hotels.
09:49A lot of what?
09:50Yes, I'll just have a cheese salad, please.
09:51What?
09:52Yes, I only eat fresh vegetables, you see.
09:53I'll just have a cheese salad.
09:54Well, we could always do the omelettes
09:56without the peas.
09:57Oh, no, no, no, no.
09:57I always feel that the peas
09:58are an integral part
09:59of the overall flavor, you know.
10:01And might I suggest that in future
10:02you avail yourself
10:03of sufficient quantities
10:04of the fresh articles?
10:05Look, we've been...
10:06Yes, yes, good idea.
10:08Now, something to drink?
10:09Yes, I'll have a ginger beer, please.
10:11A ginger beer?
10:11And a glass of fresh water.
10:13Fresh?
10:14Water, yes.
10:15Mr. Hutchison,
10:15there's a telephone call
10:16for you at reception.
10:17Telephone?
10:18Oh, dear.
10:19Oh, dear.
10:21Oh.
10:22Clever.
10:23Clever.
10:23Good afternoon.
10:40No.
10:43This is no sun.
10:44This is no good for me.
10:45I beg your pardon?
10:46I'm homesick, yes.
10:47Is there any way
10:48you'd like me to sit?
10:49Okay.
10:49I'm in room seven.
10:51Oh, yes, please, here.
10:52You go up, up, on the right.
10:54Room seven.
10:55No, no.
10:56Yes, please, I'll show you.
10:57No, look, I want a table.
10:58A table?
10:59For one.
11:00Oh, table one.
11:00Oh, please, yes, yes.
11:01It's a table one.
11:02It's so sorry.
11:04Here, here.
11:04A table one.
11:07See?
11:08Right.
11:11So sorry,
11:12but I think you say for room
11:13and I do it
11:13for I am not one to know it easily.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:16No, no, it's my fault.
11:17Well, I'll try the patty
11:18and the damn casserole.
11:19Er, you room ten.
11:21No, room seven.
11:22Oh, seven, see.
11:24Yes.
11:24No, no, no.
11:25This table one.
11:27It's Wednesday.
11:28Room seven is table five.
11:30No, please, here.
11:30Please, sir, please, sir.
11:35Please, sir.
11:35So sorry.
11:38Oh, it's, uh, yes, sir.
11:41Seven is what I think you say.
11:42Er, for, er, I, er,
11:45come si dice in English,
11:46pero solamente puedo ver los números
11:48cuando los tengo delante.
11:50The patty and the lamb.
11:51Si, patty, lamba, patty, lamba, patty, lamba.
11:53Scrutto, scrutto.
11:54Eh, si, si, patty, lamba.
11:55One ginger beer
11:56and one glass of fresh water.
12:01What are you doing?
12:02Well, I...
12:02Well, you can't sit there.
12:03It's taken.
12:04Come on.
12:04Look, I've been moved once already.
12:06What, are you all in room seven, aren't you?
12:07Yes, but the waiter said table five.
12:09Well, this isn't table five.
12:10Come, would you come over here, please?
12:12I mean, this is table five here.
12:13Come on.
12:14Look, I did ask the waiter.
12:15Well, he's hopeless, isn't he?
12:16You might as well ask the cat.
12:17Now, come on, settle there.
12:19I beg your pardon.
12:20Would you sit down, please?
12:25I hate to trespass further
12:27on your valuable time,
12:28but might I look at the wine list?
12:30Now?
12:30Yes, please.
12:32Excuse me.
12:33Here we are.
12:34Now.
12:35Could I have an ashtray, please?
12:41I'll have a bottle of the Alox Corton 65.
12:44The what?
12:45The Alox Corton 65.
12:47Ah, the Corton.
12:48Ah, but of course, my pleasure.
12:50Ah, there you are, Mr. Hutchinson.
12:51Nice to have you back again.
12:52Yes, not too close, please.
12:53Not too close.
12:54Oh, sorry.
12:54I hope everything was to your satisfaction.
12:56Yes, well, your earpiece was very greasy.
12:57I've wiped it out for you.
12:58Oh, thank you.
12:59Thank you, sir.
13:00It was dreadfully greasy, it was.
13:01I don't know who's been using it.
13:03Covered in brew cream.
13:04Oh, Polly.
13:06Oh, dear.
13:07Oh, that's tepid.
13:09It's...
13:09Oh, have you got an ice bucket, please?
13:11An ice bucket?
13:12Yes, well, this ginger beer is distinctly warm.
13:14Ah, Polly, an ice bucket for Mr. Hutchinson, please.
13:17There we are.
13:18Tom 65.
13:21Ah.
13:21Ah, a bit stood in there.
13:49Sorry.
13:51Ah.
14:06Sorry.
14:10Ah.
14:16Ah.
14:16Thank you so much.
14:35May I congratulate you on your choice?
14:37Yes, excuse me.
14:39Yes?
14:40I'm afraid this is corked.
14:42I just uncorked it.
14:44Didn't you see me?
14:45What?
14:46Look.
14:47No, no.
14:48No, you said I took it out of the bottle.
14:49That's how I managed to get the wine out of the bottle into your gloves.
14:52I don't mean that.
14:53I mean the wine is corked.
14:55The wine has reacted with the cork.
14:57And so?
14:57The wine has reacted with the cork and gone bad.
15:01Gone bad?
15:02May I?
15:14I'm sorry.
15:15You don't want it.
15:15I'd like a bottle that isn't cork.
15:17Right, that's cost me, hasn't it?
15:18Well, never mind.
15:19I'll get you another bottle.
15:19I do hope you're all enjoying your meals.
15:22I said I hope you're all enjoying your meals.
15:26Excuse me.
15:27Excuse me.
15:28Table five?
15:29Yes?
15:29Are you having the lamb or the mackerel?
15:31The lamb.
15:31I'll have another one standing by, just in case.
15:35Well, let's give us a go then, shall we?
15:38Um, Polly, would you get Mr Hutchison his main course, please?
15:41So sorry to keep you waiting.
15:42Mr Hutchison will be with you in just one moment.
15:46What's up?
15:50Yes, dear?
15:52How are you getting on with your hotel inspector?
15:54Oh, fine.
15:55Fine.
15:56He sells spoons.
15:57Sir?
16:03I listened in on his phone call.
16:05He works for a cutlery firm, but he specialises in spoons.
16:09You listened in?
16:10Yes.
16:11You listened in on a private call of one of our guests?
16:13That's right, Basil.
16:15Little rat.
16:15I'll get him for that.
16:16Now, Basil.
16:17Try him out with me.
16:18Try what?
16:19Pretending he's a hotel inspector.
16:21Do we hire television sets, fresh peas, ice buckets?
16:24Basil, it was your mistake.
16:25Now, you let me handle it.
16:26Basil!
16:26This whole inspector business was in your own imagination.
16:31It's nothing to do with him.
16:32There is no excuse for rudeness.
16:34Do you understand?
16:35Do you understand?
16:38Yes!
16:39Good.
16:46How do you find yourself here?
16:47Not yet, Basil.
16:48Oh, very nice.
16:49Spoons, eh?
16:56Spoons, eh?
16:59I'm sorry?
17:01Spoons!
17:02Spoons!
17:07I beg your pardon?
17:08I understand you're in the spoon trade.
17:10Oh, well, yes.
17:10Oh, fascinating.
17:12Fascinating.
17:12How absorbing for him.
17:14Yes, well, as a matter of...
17:15It's so much more interesting than being a hotel inspector!
17:18What?
17:21Well, thank you.
17:22No, miss, miss, miss.
17:23Yes?
17:24I didn't order that.
17:24Er, is there something we can get you, Mr. Hutchison?
17:26A tea cosy for your pepper pot, perhaps?
17:29What?
17:29No, no, no, no, no.
17:30I changed the order, you see.
17:32What seems to be the trouble?
17:33Well, I thought Mr. Hutchison ordered an omelette.
17:35No, he went off it, Polly, so we changed the order.
17:37It's perfectly simple.
17:37Well, I'm sorry, but I wasn't told.
17:39Well, I told Chef, so he should have told you.
17:41Well, he didn't.
17:41Well, is that my fault?
17:42No, is it mine?
17:43No, it is.
17:43What?
17:44It's the chef's fault.
17:45A big pun?
17:45Well, clearly, in a case like this, where the order's been changed, the chef's been informed,
17:48it's his responsibility.
17:49You want to run the place?
17:50You want to come around the hotel?
17:52Right, Mr. Hutchison's taking over, Polly, so I'll have the omelette.
17:54I'm sure with his natural charlie, the wine experience, we know more problems.
17:57Come on, can't sit around all day.
17:59There's lots to be done.
17:59No, no, no, no, no.
18:01All I've been to...
18:01What is going on, Basil?
18:03Hello, dear.
18:04Well?
18:04Is that better, Mr. Hutchison?
18:06What?
18:06Is that better?
18:06Oh, yeah, thank you.
18:07Yeah, it's fine.
18:07Good, good.
18:08Well, that's all sorted out, then.
18:09Isn't there something wrong?
18:10Yes, there is.
18:11Yes, I have been given an erroneous dish.
18:14Thank you, Basil.
18:15I'll deal with this.
18:15Thank you, Polly.
18:16Now, Mr. Hutchison...
18:17Now, you see, I did order the omelette in the first place, but then I changed my mind.
18:21I see.
18:21Well, I'll just go in the kitchen and find out what's happened.
18:29The bottle.
18:34Er, yes.
18:35Where is it?
18:36Okay.
18:36Adonde es...
18:37Oh, I take it.
18:38I take it, I take it.
18:40Come here.
18:40Yeah.
18:41You're a waste of space.
18:43Oh!
18:48There we are.
18:49No, no, no, no.
18:50Just a moment, please.
18:51Yes?
18:52I did not order that.
18:53You didn't?
18:54I did not.
18:55I'm sorry.
18:55There's an order for a better for this table.
18:57Oh, dear me.
18:58Things do seem to be going wrong today, don't they?
19:00And, uh, civil taking care of things, are you?
19:02Yes, thank you.
19:02Good, everything's all right, then.
19:03Well, it appears that I'm being...
19:05We're just sorting it out, thank you, Basil.
19:06That's fine.
19:07You didn't order Patty Maison.
19:08No, I did not.
19:09I ordered the omelette.
19:10I'll leave you to deal with it.
19:10In the first place.
19:12No, no, no.
19:12Oh, no, no.
19:13How did you do that?
19:30What?
19:31Where did you get it?
19:32Where did I get it?
19:33That's right.
19:33I mean, how did you get it?
19:34Well, the waiter opened it for me.
19:36The waiter opened it for you?
19:38Yes.
19:38I've told you about him, haven't I?
19:43Oh, no, no, for goodness sake.
19:45What is it?
19:46What is it?
19:47I did not order a lamb casserole.
19:50No, he didn't.
19:50He did not order one, Polly.
19:52So why has he got one?
19:53Because Mrs. Fawlty told me to give him one.
19:54I know how she feels.
19:55I've got one of the...
19:56Who took the order?
19:59I don't know.
20:00Meanwhile, I mean, look, how could it be so difficult to get a cheese salad?
20:04You want to run the place?
20:05No, no, no.
20:06I just want a cheese salad.
20:06Right, well, shut up, then.
20:07I beg your pardon?
20:08I'll get you a cheese salad, Mr. Fawlty.
20:09And don't listen to anyone.
20:10Just get him a cheese salad.
20:11See?
20:13Excuse me.
20:14I've changed my mind.
20:16I do not want the cheese salad.
20:17I wish to cancel it.
20:18I'm not used to being spawking to like that, Mr. Fawlty.
20:20And I've no wish to continue my luncheon.
20:23Well, I do apologise if what I said just now seemed to trifle brusque.
20:25Brusque?
20:25It was rude, Mr. Fawlty.
20:27I said rude.
20:28Well, I'm deeply sorry if it came over like that.
20:30I mean, nothing could have been further from my mind.
20:31You told me to shut up!
20:33No, no, he told me to shut up.
20:35You what?
20:35He said it to me!
20:36Oh, no, I was looking at you, but I was talking to Polly, wasn't I, Polly?
20:40Oh, yes.
20:40Did you notice, then, that I was looking at you, but talking to her?
20:43What?
20:43You see, he was looking at you, but talking to me, wasn't he?
20:46Wasn't I?
20:47What?
20:47So you weren't being rude, were you, Mr. Fawlty?
20:49Absolutely not.
20:50You see?
20:51Me?
20:51Yes.
20:52Yeah, but if you say shut up to somebody, that's the one you want to shut up, isn't it?
20:55Well, not necessarily.
20:56I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
20:57Yes.
20:57I beg your pardon?
20:58Ah, there.
20:59You see how easily these misunderstandings occur?
21:01Oh, yes, I do.
21:02So, won't he salad then, please, Polly?
21:04Certainly, Mr. Hatterson.
21:05And if there's anything else, please don't hesitate to ask.
21:07Yes, thank you.
21:13I'm so sorry.
21:14He's from Barcelona.
21:17I trust your patio is satisfactory?
21:19Yes, yes, thank you.
21:20Oh, good, good.
21:21The chef buys it himself, you know.
21:23Buys it?
21:23Oh, yes, insists on it.
21:24I imagine the coton complimented it delightfully.
21:28Yes, it's very good.
21:28Ah, excellent.
21:30Not like a 66, really.
21:31Is it?
21:32Well, lots of body.
21:33Oh.
21:36Yes, yes, quite right.
21:38But it's always a pleasure to meet someone who appreciates the boudoir of the grape.
21:42I'm afraid most of the people we get in here don't know a Bordeaux from a claret.
21:46Bordeaux is a claret.
21:48Oh, Bordeaux is a claret, yes, yes.
21:50But they wouldn't know that.
21:51No, you obviously drink a lot.
21:53Wine, I mean.
21:54Well, not a lot.
21:54I mean a third amount.
21:55I mean the right amount for a connoisseur.
21:56I mean that doesn't mean you're a desert.
21:58I mean some people drink it by the crease.
21:59But that's not being a connoisseur.
22:00That's just plain sloshed.
22:03Oh, Bordeaux is one of the clarets, all right.
22:05What?
22:05Oh, yes.
22:06So, you're down here on business, are you?
22:13What?
22:13You're not in the wine trade, by any chance.
22:15No, we're not.
22:16We are?
22:17I'm down here on business with a couple of colleagues and we are not in the wine trade.
22:20Ah, it's just that you're obviously so expert.
22:22No, I'm not expert.
22:23Oh, but you are.
22:24No, I'm not.
22:25Oh, yes, you are.
22:26I am not an expert.
22:27Three of you?
22:28What?
22:30Three of you?
22:31Yes, there are three of us.
22:32Well, the other two aren't here.
22:34They're staying at another event.
22:34Quick!
22:38So, it's all right, is it?
22:39What?
22:40Well, I mean, things in general.
22:41I mean, the wine's really good.
22:42Yes.
22:42And the pate was all right.
22:43Yes, I said so.
22:44And the casserole.
22:45I haven't tasted it yet.
22:49I've not been given the chance.
22:51Oh, no.
22:52Come on, now.
22:52This is quite absurd.
22:53I'm sorry.
22:54I do not want the omelette.
22:56It's nice.
22:56I don't want the bloody thing.
22:58I've sent it back once.
22:59Yes, give it to me.
22:59Yes, I fail to see how this sort of thing can happen.
23:02There.
23:02I've torn it up.
23:03You'll never see it again.
23:04All I wanted was a cheese salad.
23:06There's two potty, one cheese salad.
23:08There we are, sir.
23:09I'm so glad everything is to our satisfaction.
23:10No, it is not.
23:11It is absolutely ridiculous.
23:13I mean, you are supposed to be running a hotel.
23:15My, that does no good.
23:16Yes, I've had the omelette, and then a prawn cocktail with a bloody silly name.
23:20Look at that cheddar.
23:20It's delicious.
23:21Then I had a plate of stew, and then the bloody omelette again.
23:23Yes, well, can we keep it down?
23:24Well, I mean, all I wanted was a cheese salad.
23:26It wasn't as though I'd ordered an elephant here on a bun, was it?
23:28Thank you, sir.
23:29I mean, the whole thing is ridiculous.
23:31I mean, for a man who's supposed to be running a hotel, your behavior, your behavior is totally
23:37gone.
23:40Is there anything else that's all I can get?
23:43Look at that cheese.
23:44Let me stop it.
23:45I've got to breathe.
23:46It's all right.
23:47He's only two games.
23:48Don't worry.
23:49A little cheese went the wrong way.
23:54Never mind.
23:56He's fainted.
23:56Oh, no.
23:58Poor chap.
23:59Bit of cheese.
23:59Yes, please.
24:04What's happened?
24:05He fainted.
24:05He fainted.
24:06Got a bit of cheese stuck.
24:07Basil, you do not faint from getting a bit of cheese stuck.
24:09I was giving him a bit of a pat on the back, and he sort of moved, just as I was...
24:13What have you done, Basil?
24:14Nothing.
24:15He moved, just as I was trying to...
24:16Oh, my God.
24:16Call the doctor.
24:17Look, I can handle this.
24:18I can handle it.
24:19Call the doctor.
24:19I can't have rides.
24:20Obviously, I can't have, but I'm just a great saber-toothed cart, so we'll let my husband
24:24do it.
24:25Oh, I'm so sorry to have left you.
24:27I trust you enjoyed your meal?
24:28Yes, thank you.
24:29I was wondering...
24:29Oh, good.
24:29The casserole was really good, was it?
24:31Well, it was adequate.
24:32Oh, quite.
24:33Yes, exactly.
24:34I'm afraid our chef at lunch today is not our regular.
24:36Incidentally, I'm sorry about that poor chap choking himself like that.
24:39I was wondering if you had a telephone on, I do you.
24:41Oh, yes, please.
24:42Don't know how you managed to do it, but...
24:44Ah, there he is.
24:44Good.
24:45Ah, Mr. Hutchison.
24:45Naylor, don't fight for shame about that bit of cheese getting stuck in the old windpipe
24:49like that.
24:50Would you like to go in there and discuss it?
24:51No, I'd prefer to come in here and discuss it.
24:53Oh, fine.
24:54I'm afraid it's a little bit of a mess.
24:59Well, that lie down seems to have done you some good.
25:05Sorry.
25:05I'm not a violent man, Mr. Fawlty.
25:17Yes, you are.
25:17Oh, no, I'm not.
25:19No, but when I'm insulted and then attacked, I prefer to rely on my own mettle than call
25:23the police.
25:23Do you?
25:24Do you?
25:24Yes, I do.
25:24Now, stand up like a man.
25:25Come on.
25:26Bit of trouble with the old leg.
25:27Rip.
25:27Come on.
25:29Yeah.
25:30Look what I found.
25:31Yeah.
25:32I hope I've made my point.
25:34Absolutely.
25:34Yes, I've been looking for this.
25:35Yes, I would just like to say, I would just like to say that this hotel is extremely inefficient
25:39and badly run and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr. Fawlty.
25:43Have I said something funny, Mr. Fawlty?
25:45Well, it's sort of pithy, I suppose.
25:46Really?
25:46Oh, really?
25:47Well, here's the punchline.
25:49I'm going to fetch my belongings and I do not expect to receive a bill.
25:56You've handled that then, have you, Baza?
26:00Yes, dear, thank you.
26:01Leave it to me.
26:03Incidentally, I don't know if you realise,
26:04but he's a regular customer of ours.
26:06Oh, he loves it here.
26:07It's his second home.
26:09It's just that we always have to have this little,
26:10I don't know why, but he seems to like it.
26:12Really?
26:13The only danger is, though, that somebody's going to think
26:15he really isn't satisfied about something
26:17or the fighting's real.
26:18You know, and tell somebody.
26:19You won't mention it, will you?
26:20We'd love to offer you a dinner here tonight
26:22as our guest to show our gratitude.
26:23What?
26:24A dinner tonight.
26:25Would you, would you?
26:25No, I can't tonight.
26:27Tomorrow night?
26:28I should be leaving tomorrow.
26:29I'm sorry.
26:31All right, £50, then.
26:33Take your pardon?
26:34£50, not to mention it.
26:36£50?
26:36No, £60.
26:37Not to write about it, you know.
26:38I mean, articles, books, letters.
26:41I'm afraid I really don't.
26:42Oh, please.
26:43It's taken us 12 years to build this place up.
26:45Don't put this in the book.
26:46We're finished if you don't.
26:47Please don't.
26:47Book?
26:48What book?
26:48The hotel guy.
26:49Oh, sorry.
26:50I shouldn't have mentioned it.
26:51But you've got me confused with someone else.
27:00I'm nothing to do with any hotel guide.
27:04I'm down here for the exhibition.
27:07I sell outboard motors.
27:10All right?
27:11I'm not an inspector.
27:18No?
27:18Not on the side.
27:19No.
27:21Swear to God.
27:22I tell you, I've nothing to do with it.
27:24Oh, thank you.
27:25Oh, thank you so much.
27:27I don't know.
27:28I can ever...
27:29Thanks.
27:33Thanks.
27:3926 bedrooms, 12 with private bathrooms.
27:42Yes, well, why don't you have dinner here
27:43and Chris and I can try the Claremont?
27:45Okay.
27:46The owner's one bezel 40.
27:48Oh, please, senor, Mr. Fawlty want to say adios.
27:54He wants to...
27:54No, no, no.
27:55Oh!
27:55I'm sorry.
28:01Sorry.
28:03Yes, sir.
28:03Yes.
28:04Good afternoon, gentlemen.
28:16And what can I do for you three gentlemen?
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