- 14 minutes ago
Opposites Attack
Jonesy gets a job as a customer service rep at a travel agency and has much in common with his co-worker Joanie, and they start to spend a little bit too much time with each other. Nikki notices this and starts to fear that Jonesy might dump her for Joanie. Meanwhile, Jude gets a job at the Penalty Box.
Jonesy gets a job as a customer service rep at a travel agency and has much in common with his co-worker Joanie, and they start to spend a little bit too much time with each other. Nikki notices this and starts to fear that Jonesy might dump her for Joanie. Meanwhile, Jude gets a job at the Penalty Box.
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TVTranscript
00:00This is it, guys. The job we all dream about, and I got it.
00:13What are you rambling about? You're a secretary at a travel agency.
00:16A secretary? I'm a call center representative.
00:19I've never seen you this excited about work before, Jonesy.
00:23A, my desk has a giant LCD screen, and C, they have high-speed internet.
00:28Which means, B, you don't actually have to do any real work.
00:32I get paid to play video games all day.
00:40Hey, that must be my co-worker.
00:44I'm Jonesy, the new guy.
00:46Hey, name's Joanie.
00:52Can the new guy help you?
00:54We're just here to wish Jonesy good luck on his first day.
00:57Hey, doesn't need luck. We get paid to play video games all day.
01:00I just told them the same thing.
01:04What's wrong with your friends?
01:07You're pretty.
01:16Aren't you going to answer that?
01:21Woohoo! Three points!
01:28What do you think you're doing?
01:30You have work to do.
01:32On your free-throw shot.
01:34Ah!
01:35Ha-ha!
01:36Ha-ha!
01:37I like your style!
01:44Look, Jonesy's got a new playmate.
01:47Isn't that sweet?
01:48She's not sweet.
01:50Ha-ha-ha!
01:51She's smokin'!
01:58I don't think I've ever seen Jonesy so happy in a job.
02:02Well, seems to be getting along great with that Joanie girl.
02:04Wow, Nikki!
02:05I'm totally impressed by your self-control.
02:08You've lost me.
02:09You don't seem jealous at all that Jonesy is working with a...
02:13Smokin' hearty!
02:15Whoa!
02:15Ow!
02:16Ha-ha!
02:17Ow!
02:19Jealous?
02:20Please.
02:21I'm happy Jonesy's finally found his dream job.
02:24Courtney!
02:25What are you doing here?
02:27I'm just in town to run some errands.
02:30Don't tell Mom, or I'll get roped into a big family thing.
02:33My lips are sealed.
02:35Hey, Caitlin.
02:36You're just as pretty as I remember.
02:39Thanks, Courtney!
02:40And you're, um...
02:42fun, too, Nikki.
02:44Nice to see you, too, Courtney.
02:46I gotta go.
02:48Bye.
02:48Bye!
02:50Me, too.
02:51My shift starts in five.
02:52Sorry about the drive-by Courtney-ing.
02:54I thought she was lovely.
02:56You would.
02:57Oh, my gosh!
02:57It's the cutest ever!
02:59Mohair mini sweater dresses!
03:02Yee!
03:05They wouldn't look good on you, Nikki.
03:06You're too big-boned for mohair.
03:08I'm gonna introduce you to my fist bone if you don't quit your cackling.
03:12Oh!
03:15Masterson!
03:16We kick off in five minutes, and you waltz in here like it's a halftime show.
03:20I'm right on time, Coach.
03:22Save the excuses!
03:23By the way, where do we keep the ping-pong paddles?
03:25In the ping-pong paddle aisle?
03:27Bottom shelf.
03:28I don't know where anything is around here.
03:30We need a store-wide inventory.
03:32Pronto.
03:33And you're team captain.
03:35Thanks for volunteering.
03:36Yes, Coach.
03:39I hate inventory.
03:41Counting every sports sock, every golf ball, it's so mind-numbingly boring.
03:46I love mind-numbing.
03:49One day, I counted every single blade of grass on my front lawn.
03:55Okay.
03:56But I lost count after $875,000 when I went to take a pee and I forgot to mark my
04:02spot where
04:02I left off.
04:04So, I started again.
04:06That's great, Jude.
04:07Sounds like you'd be great for inventory.
04:10How about it?
04:11Sure, brah.
04:12Great!
04:13Now all I have to do is convince Coach.
04:20Hey, Wyatt.
04:21I'm on my second break, but she only started work an hour ago.
04:24I know!
04:25My new job rocks!
04:27Give me two orders of Chicken Fingers.
04:33Studies show that eating spicy Chicken Fingers improves employee performance.
04:42Is he slow?
04:44Slow with the chicken fingers?
04:46Yes.
04:51Yes!
04:52I totally nailed that one!
04:53You are a true artiste!
05:00Joanie has the best ideas.
05:02And not for saving the planet or anything.
05:05Fun stuff, like water balloons.
05:07Yeah, she's a real giver.
05:09I become this babbling idiot whenever Joanie's around.
05:13No.
05:13You think?
05:14She's just so smokin' hot.
05:17You're never gonna guess who we ran into today.
05:21You should hear Joanie's belch.
05:22It's louder than this.
05:26Jones Meister.
05:27Jones Meister.
05:28Go ahead!
05:29Guess!
05:30Is break time over?
05:31Don't worry.
05:32As long as we're only three minutes late per break, no one can say anything.
05:35But it adds to a whole day of paid vacation every year.
05:39Oh, man!
05:41That is genius!
05:43Huh, Nikki?
05:44Jonesy, didn't you forget something?
05:47Oh, yeah.
05:50Bye, everybody.
05:52Ahem.
05:53We saw Courtney!
05:58I tried.
06:04What's that for?
06:06It's a donation box to help the hungry.
06:08Who's hungry?
06:08Me.
06:09Wasn't I cute?
06:12Isn't that, like, wrong or something?
06:15Jonesy, Jonesy, Jonesy.
06:17People don't make donations to help the poor and hungry.
06:19They do it to make themselves feel better.
06:22And for the tax write-off.
06:24Donate a dollar for the hungry.
06:29Score!
06:30Curly Fries, here we come.
06:32You're my hero.
06:34So, Masterson tells me you want to play on the penalty box team.
06:38Yes, sir, Coach Dude.
06:40Quick, how many fingers?
06:41Uh, four.
06:43No, five.
06:44That's right, son.
06:46Four fingers, one thumb.
06:47Most morons would have answered five.
06:49Ha!
06:50You, me, and Masterson are in a boat.
06:51We need to lighten the load if we're going to win the race.
06:53Quickly, who do you throw overboard?
06:55Her?
06:55What?
06:56Jen's the best swimmer.
06:58That is true.
07:00Guys think like a stone.
07:01Nice.
07:02You're hired!
07:03Sweet!
07:04I'm hired!
07:08Four orders of spicy curly fries, please.
07:13I know this looks bad, but the fundraisers have to eat, too.
07:17Uh-huh.
07:21I bet I can eat these in five seconds or under.
07:25No way.
07:26I'll take that action.
07:27Let the fry-off begin!
07:31Wyatt, look!
07:36Did you see that?
07:39Joanie's feeding Jonesy curly fries.
07:41Maybe Jonesy's just really hungry?
07:44I tried.
07:48Inventory sucks.
07:49No, bra.
07:50I love it.
07:51Sort of like guided meditation.
07:54One sports bra.
07:56Two sports bras.
07:59Three sports bras.
08:01Just stay out of Coach's way.
08:03He bites.
08:04No problem-a, amiga.
08:08Jet, we have a total emergency.
08:10Bigger than that pile of sports bras Jude is counting?
08:13Way bigger.
08:18Maybe you should take a seat first, Nikki.
08:21Caitlin, I'm busy.
08:22I don't have time for this.
08:25Fine, so I'm not busy.
08:27Can you make it quick anyway?
08:28Brace yourself.
08:30Joanie was feeding Jonesy curly fries.
08:33And?
08:34Aw, Nikki.
08:35If you need a hug, I don't need a hug.
08:38Why should I care if Joanie gave Jonesy something to eat?
08:41Let her hear it, Caitlin.
08:47The way to a boy's heart is through his stomach.
08:55What was that?
08:56Girl Talk podcast.
08:58Never miss it.
08:58Uh, I refuse to take dating advice from some stupid cell phone.
09:02Hey!
09:03That's my stupid cell phone!
09:11Wicked, you dude!
09:15Jude, where did that come from?
09:18Had to take the boxes out of the stock room to count them.
09:22And a ramp was born.
09:26We gotta take this ramp down right away.
09:29Why are there so many little punks in my store?
09:31What is that?
09:35Your store rocks, Coach Dude.
09:40Ah, the sweet smell of profit.
09:43I can't remember the last time Masterson hit a home run like this.
09:47How'd you like to join our sales team, Jude?
09:49What?
09:50Store's got a harsh vibe, dude.
09:53Not sure if it's really my scene.
09:55Then make it your scene.
09:57Lace up your skates, boy.
09:58Cause you're my new right winger.
10:02Your king is dead, and your village is in ruins.
10:07Surrender, foe!
10:08Whatever, dork.
10:09You think you can defeat me that easily?
10:11Oh, man!
10:12How'd your army get so big so fast?
10:15Ahem.
10:16Do you have any tickets for the Museum of Civilization?
10:20No, but I just plunged his civilization back into the Dark Ages.
10:25Oh, now what do you say?
10:27Congratulations, Joanie.
10:28You are the builder of civilizations.
10:32You're a disgrace to the Jonesmeister name.
10:37Can I please have my cell phone back?
10:39Only if you promise to stop talking about Joanie and Jonesy.
10:42I won't bring it up again.
10:44Swear!
10:54I call this move the Jaws of Jonesy!
11:00Whoa, dude is cute.
11:02Think you could let me go?
11:04Excuse me, I think you dropped five bucks.
11:08Oh, it's not yours.
11:10Then how about I use it to buy you a coffee?
11:13Girl has some slick moves.
11:18Would you like some energy drink, ma'am?
11:20How about you, sir?
11:21Energy drinks?
11:22Ugh, I can't believe stupid coach listened to stupid Jude.
11:26I have better things to do than serving people.
11:28Boy, the story has never been busier.
11:30I nominate Jude for MVP.
11:33What?
11:34But it's his first week!
11:36I've never been the most valuable player.
11:38You call that team spirit, Masterson?
11:40Just look at the customers Jude brought in!
11:43Customers buy things?
11:45These people are just here for the free drinks!
11:48Well, you just can't put a price on karma.
11:50Jude told me that.
11:54Jude, skateboarding's forbidden in this store.
11:56Jude says it helps them think!
11:57What have you got for me now, Lazowski?
12:01Don't hurt yourself!
12:02I think the store needs some lava lamps.
12:07Love it!
12:08Masterson, why didn't you think of lava lamps?
12:10Because this is a sporting goods store?
12:13You're not thinking outside the penalty box!
12:15Five-minute foul!
12:19Oh, this can't be happening!
12:22I know!
12:23Coach has lost his mind!
12:25He loves every one of Jude's crazy skateboard-inspired ideas!
12:29Nikki's talking about Jonesy and Joanie!
12:32We saw them hugging!
12:34Hugging?
12:35Are you sure?
12:36They were like this!
12:37Well, hello, beautiful!
12:39Uh, I don't think so.
12:41What if Jonesy has fallen for her?
12:43I guess some guys might find her sort of cute.
12:47More like gorgeous!
12:48And they have so much in common!
12:50They're practically two peas in a pod!
12:54I'm just gonna stop talking now.
12:56Wait, slow down, Nikki!
12:58Have you even asked Jonesy what's going on?
13:01No, guess I owe the lunkhead that much.
13:03We're supposed to catch a movie in an hour.
13:05I'll talk to him then.
13:11They're playing...
13:14Whale music?
13:26Jonesy, I thought we were going to see a movie.
13:28We are!
13:29Joanie's gonna join, cool?
13:33Ha!
13:34The more, the merrier.
13:36Ha, ha, ha, ha!
13:37Ha, ha, ha, ha!
13:39Ha, ha, ha, ha!
13:41Ha, ha, ha, ha!
13:41Man, are those people ever stupid!
13:43Ha, ha, ha!
13:44The monster who smelled it, dealt it!
13:47Um, guys, you're getting popcorn all over me.
13:49Okay, I'll hold it.
13:51Jonesy, stop hogging the corn!
13:53Sorry!
13:53Can you still see, Nikki?
13:54Oh, totally.
13:56Why don't we just get another tub of popcorn?
13:58Because Miss Charity Donation Box over there wasted her time on German tourists.
14:03What are we gonna do with Deutschmarks?
14:05Huh?
14:06I don't discriminate.
14:07I'm an equal opportunity scammer.
14:09Plus, I've always wanted to go to Berlin.
14:10They have the best industrial German music?
14:13Over there, they just call it music.
14:16Last week, you didn't even know where Germany was.
14:18Joanie schooled me.
14:19Someone has to educate.
14:22No offense.
14:23I'm going to get some ju-jubes.
14:25Make that two.
14:26Excuse me?
14:27Right, sorry.
14:28Make that three.
14:29Don't want to leave out Joanie.
14:30Perish the thought.
14:34Thanks for the laughs, Jonesmeister.
14:36See you at work.
14:37Later.
14:39Nikki?
14:42It's called the art of soft sell, dude.
14:46The soft sell?
14:47If you merch it, they will come.
14:50Can I still threaten them if they can't make up their minds?
14:53No, dude.
14:54Love conquers all.
14:56But what if you haven't made your sales quota?
14:58You can't just stand there.
15:00Masterson!
15:00Keep your helmet on.
15:01I want to try this soft sell thing.
15:15Even though she didn't buy anything, I like how it makes me feel.
15:19Sort of like a, you know, a big fuzzy penguin or something.
15:24You're on your way, dude.
15:27Thanks, dude.
15:28Ugh!
15:30I got tired of watching them bond, so I bailed in the middle of the movie.
15:34I can't believe Jonesy would do that.
15:36No more lemonade for him.
15:38Guys can be such jerks sometimes.
15:40Joni's so hot.
15:44I just realized I'm the only guy at this table.
15:47I appreciate the support guys, or rather girls, but this is between me and Jonesy.
15:53Hey, guys.
15:54Hi, Nikki.
15:55I gotta get to work.
15:57What's her problem?
15:59What's her problem?
16:00What is your problem?
16:02How could you do that to Nikki?
16:04Is this about the extra butter on the popcorn?
16:06I know how Nikki hates that.
16:07We saw you hugging Joni.
16:09And feeding her curly fries.
16:11Wait!
16:11You guys don't think I like Joni.
16:13I can't talk to you right now.
16:17Say hi to Joni for me, since I obviously can't.
16:22I have nowhere to go, but I'm still leaving.
16:25Guys, let me explain.
16:29Fine.
16:29I don't need any of you.
16:31I'm a lone wolf.
16:32I am an island.
16:42It's no fun when you don't react.
16:44Who put salt in your sugar shaker?
16:46Nikki thinks we have a thing.
16:50You've got to be kidding.
16:52Us?
16:52No way.
16:54Dude, I know.
16:56I mean, I realize it's difficult to resist my natural charms and good looks.
17:01I've always been more of a guy's girl, but I do know a thing or two about women.
17:06Show Nikki how much she means to you, and she'll be putty in your hands.
17:09Hey, did we ever get those tickets for that museum thing?
17:13Nikki loves museums.
17:14How should I know?
17:15Right.
17:16I'll check it out myself.
17:17Thanks, Jonesmeister.
17:19Anytime, Jonesmeister.
17:24No, this can't be.
17:26Maybe if I carry the zero.
17:29No.
17:30Face it, Coach.
17:31The sales figures are terrible.
17:33We haven't sold a thing all week.
17:35Go with the flow, Coach.
17:37Flow?
17:39I gotta do something before we're all out of a job.
17:50What was that?
17:51Gum?
17:52I hate gum.
17:54Little offside gum chewing, Coach.
17:56Not a big deal.
17:57Just go with the flow, right?
18:04May the sales horse be with you.
18:09I have only begun to fight.
18:14We're like sorry about your messed up love life, Nikki.
18:18We are?
18:19If you want to cry, we won't take pictures for our blog.
18:23Leave now, or I force-feed you garbage.
18:26Last time, we tried to be nice.
18:30Khaki Barn reserves the right to refuse service to jerks.
18:34Aren't you even gonna look at the tickets?
18:36I couldn't care.
18:37You got tickets for the new exhibition?
18:39I've been dying to see it.
18:41Wait.
18:42How did you know?
18:43These babies actually work, you know.
18:46I don't know, Jonesy.
18:47You like spitballs, belching, and...
18:50Well, I don't.
18:51Maybe you should be with someone like Joni.
18:54That would be like dating myself.
18:56And I already spend too much time with me as it is.
19:00I like that when I'm with you,
19:01I don't have to start all my stories at the beginning.
19:05Um, that was the sappiest thing I've ever heard.
19:09Thanks.
19:10Thanks.
19:19At least one thing is back to normal.
19:26You okay, Coach?
19:28Never been more chill.
19:30So you don't mind that my socks don't match?
19:35No!
19:37Problema, amiga!
19:39Oh, look!
19:39A chocolate stain on my penalty box jersey.
19:42No biggie, right?
19:44I accept the path of love.
19:47You're gonna let me get away with that?
19:49That's it!
19:50I give up!
19:51Whoa!
19:56Whoa!
20:07Master San!
20:10Spread out the gum!
20:11Change that jersey!
20:11Fix your socks!
20:12Clean up this mess!
20:13June, you're fired!
20:14Thank you!
20:15Thank you!
20:16Oh, and Jude, no hard feelings.
20:18About what, brah?
20:20Aw, thanks.
20:21No, seriously?
20:23About what?
20:25Master San!
20:25I can't believe you let me hire this lunkhead!
20:28Red card!
20:29You're on probation!
20:30I give up.
20:33It's more like you have to, more and you're on probation for, uh, do what?
20:36Oh, and they're running for...
20:37Oh, I'mòng I'm standing on probation in a month, but it can get away.
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