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Watch The Office Season 8 Episode 18 online in HD on Dailymotion (2025).

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Animals
Transcript
00:02Okay. Bye.
00:08Everyone, stop what you're doing. I have terrible news.
00:12Dwight is no longer with us.
00:13What?
00:15He's gone, damn it!
00:18He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail, and he's staying in Florida forever.
00:23So, he's alive?
00:25Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.
00:28Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.
00:31How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke of good fortune, and he is now in
00:37a better place.
00:38If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?
00:42You guys, we've gone over this. There is no treasure.
00:45When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure.
00:50Don't touch my treasure. Okay? You understand?
00:54Obviously, he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there.
00:59Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure.
01:04Oh, God, I'm Wallace Shawn and the Princess Bride.
01:07I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.
01:15I am dying to know what's in there.
01:17Yeah, I know. Oscar, we all are. But nobody's going to open it. You'd have to be insane.
01:24Hi. Hello.
01:28Now carefully open the box.
01:35It's a photo of all of us.
01:38Oh, that's so sweet.
01:41Ah!
01:43A dart? Are you kidding me?
01:45Who would put a poison dart...
01:47Well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison.
01:49I mean, I just have to imagine.
01:52God, I'm glad he's okay, though.
01:54Kind of sounds like he deserved it.
01:56Opening another man's treasure and all.
01:57Wow!
02:20Well, Mr. Ball, it's been a pleasure.
02:22Now, give my regards to hell!
02:25Ah!
02:25Oh, all right!
02:28Well swung, my VIP VP.
02:31I am loving the chemistry between you two.
02:33I am so happy Dwight is going to be working alongside me.
02:36We are a regular Archibald and his man George.
02:40I bet I'm excited.
02:42Trick.
02:43There's no such thing. It's not even a real English Jew.
02:46I just made you look like the goat of Dover.
02:51And that doesn't exist, either.
02:54You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples.
02:58Oh, that reminds me.
03:00A little something from all of us.
03:02Oh, my gosh.
03:03Thank you, Jim.
03:05That's so...
03:05Four!
03:07Oh, yeah!
03:09He doesn't even care.
03:11Don't even care!
03:12This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight.
03:14It's a weird feeling.
03:16It's, um...
03:18What's the word?
03:19It's not bittersweet.
03:21It's, uh...
03:22Sweet.
03:24Yeah.
03:26Hey, man.
03:27Selling cookies for Jada.
03:28Want it the same as last year?
03:30What if I could?
03:31And I can, so I will.
03:32Put me down for one box.
03:33Don't care what it is.
03:35Dealer's choice.
03:36I'll put you down for shortbreads.
03:38Damn it.
03:40Knock, knock.
03:41Hey, it's Sasha's first year in the troops
03:43and I'm selling cookies for her.
03:45Anyway, would you like some?
03:46No.
03:47No.
03:48What?
03:49I've been selling here for five years.
03:50This is my spot.
03:51You can't claim territories.
03:53This is the only place I interact with people.
03:56Can't you sell it?
03:57Your church, your barbershop?
04:01Or chess club?
04:03You know what?
04:04It's your first time.
04:06Let's put the office.
04:08You can have sales, the annex, creed.
04:11And I don't know, I'll just take, uh...
04:13Accounting.
04:14That's it?
04:16Yeah, well...
04:17Okay.
04:18Thanks, Sarah.
04:20Okay, great.
04:22All I need is Kevin.
04:23Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined.
04:26And then some.
04:27When I first started selling him cookies,
04:29he was a relatively thin man.
04:31Not a thin man, mind you.
04:33Relatively thin.
04:35I basically do everything for her.
04:37I run errands.
04:38I do chores around the house.
04:39I cook and clean.
04:41Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.
04:44When can I introduce you to my grandson?
04:47He's a wonderful swimmer.
04:49Shallow end, deep end, he does it all.
04:52Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene.
04:54I have to talk to my old boss, Andy,
04:56and tell him I'm staying in Florida.
04:59Thank you.
05:04What kind of tea is this?
05:06Oh, I've boiled some Gatorade.
05:12Oh.
05:13Ah.
05:15In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see.
05:19We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.
05:21If I may, try holding the putter with your wrists here and your thumbs here.
05:31Oh.
05:33That's right.
05:34Your little finger.
05:36Would you like to buy some cookies?
05:40Cookies, eh?
05:41Mm-hmm.
05:42Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best,
05:46and falltime thinks that it's the best.
05:48Cold time has, kind of bestrut,
05:51and Valentine's thinks that it's the best.
05:54But gather around, peeps, I'll tell you the truth.
05:57Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth.
06:05It's not a scratch and sniff kill.
06:07I know, but sometimes you still get a little something.
06:10Hey, you tricked me.
06:12You just wanted Kevin.
06:13You're new to the game.
06:14You learned a lesson today.
06:16See you next to your sport.
06:17No, no, no, it's not fair.
06:18What if Kevin wants to buy cookies for me?
06:20I do.
06:21See?
06:21It doesn't mean anything.
06:23Kevin, do you want to buy cookies for me?
06:25Oh, I definitely do.
06:27Huh.
06:27Hit the road, Jack.
06:29No, you hit the road, Jack.
06:31Hey, guys, come on.
06:33Don't fight over me.
06:35You know, why don't we split the order?
06:36It's only fair.
06:37No, wait.
06:38No, I'm buying.
06:39I make the rules.
06:40I actually do want you to fight over me.
06:42I want to be wined and dined at 69.
06:50Metaphorically 69'd.
06:52Ew, perverts.
06:54No offense, Oscar.
06:58Hop in.
06:59We have places to be.
07:00No rest for the wicked.
07:02All right.
07:03So, I guess this is it.
07:06Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always gotten along.
07:10And at times, I've even hated your guts.
07:12But, bye-bye.
07:17I win.
07:19Fine, Dwight.
07:21Robert!
07:22Race you to the clubhouse.
07:23Gentleman's back.
07:24Woo-hoo!
07:30Well, he's Florida's problem now.
07:33Oh, let Dwight have his fun.
07:35Today will not be his day.
07:37What's that?
07:38I'm going to tank the Sabres store at the presentation to the board.
07:42I thought you liked the store.
07:43No, the store is lovely.
07:45You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line.
07:49Great job.
07:50Cheers.
07:52Thank you.
07:54But there's a reason we sell our products online and over the phone.
08:00Have you ever used Sabre Electronics, Jim?
08:02They're cheap.
08:03They're unintuitive.
08:04The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town, once everyone's wise to us.
08:10Wow.
08:11You put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible.
08:14I couldn't just kill the project from the start.
08:16Joe Bennett endorsed it.
08:18Shame, though, I did like Dwight.
08:21Robert!
08:22I'm going to win!
08:23Ha-ha!
08:23I'm the gentleman!
08:25Suck it!
08:26Bravo, Dwight!
08:27Very good!
08:30Shame.
08:34The math is simple, folks.
08:36Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility will raise Sabre to the power of two!
08:45How did that look?
08:47I'm not just saying this.
08:48That was the best thing I've ever seen.
08:51I told you.
08:52When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how about I pop up also?
08:57I guess we'd have to say power of three.
08:59Hmm.
09:00Actually, you know what?
09:01Yeah.
09:01That actually works.
09:03You'd spin off right.
09:04You know what?
09:04That is a great idea.
09:06Kathy, write that down and print it out.
09:07It's going to make some really good toilet paper.
09:09All right.
09:10There he is.
09:11What are you doing here?
09:11I thought I got rid of you.
09:12Can I just talk to you for one quick second?
09:14What?
09:14Your stylist ran out of messy spray?
09:17Ha-ha-ha!
09:18Um, actually, it's for your own good.
09:20I think we should...
09:21You want to do something for my own good?
09:22Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop till you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail
09:26it back to me, and then go to hell!
09:28Ha-ha-ha!
09:30Nice!
09:31Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willie?
09:35Don't want it.
09:37But your face does look like a guy from Operation.
09:41That's...
09:42Ha-ha-ha!
09:42It's the same guy.
09:44That's the joke I made.
09:45Okay, guy.
09:46Yeah?
09:46I just think you should know that you look like the world's tallest hobbit.
09:53Well, I tried.
09:54You saw it, so it's on the record.
09:57I have a plane to catch.
09:59Can you help me?
10:01I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy.
10:03Just open the program and type in his username.
10:06Can you just do it?
10:12You type in your password.
10:15Aaron 123.
10:17That's a terrible password.
10:18And you don't make a video chat your video chat.
10:22All right.
10:28Hello?
10:29That's so weird.
10:30There's something wrong with my laptop.
10:32Oh.
10:33I fixed it.
10:36Oh.
10:38Now mine's broken.
10:39Hang on.
10:43Oh, there we go.
10:47He said I did like Dwight.
10:49He's going to fire him.
10:50No, no, no.
10:50I think it was more like, you know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad
10:53job.
10:54So I'm definitely going to yell at him.
10:55Robert doesn't talk like that.
10:57You have to stop Dwight from doing this.
10:58I tried.
10:59He will not listen.
11:00Did you actually try your hardest?
11:02Yes.
11:03My pretty hardest.
11:05Look, you haven't dealt with him in a while, all right?
11:07He's like super Dwight.
11:09It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight or something.
11:12Stanley, back me up.
11:13Don't talk to me.
11:15Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida, but he would back me up.
11:18If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him.
11:21Just get the words out.
11:22That's all you can do.
11:23Okay.
11:25All right.
11:26What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies?
11:29You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man.
11:32Maybe Toby from two years ago.
11:34Yeah.
11:34That's true.
11:35If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I going to call?
11:39Daryl.
11:41Toby's probably in bed with some model.
11:43Thank you.
11:44I'm not going to comment on my personal life.
11:46Look, I need this.
11:48Okay, your daughter is a pretty little girl.
11:50Let her go door to door.
11:52You think people are going to buy cookies for my chubby daughter?
11:57Oh, man.
11:58Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby.
12:01You're beautiful.
12:02Daddy's just got to sell some cookies.
12:05And we're also going to exercise more.
12:07It's going to be fun.
12:09Oh, you know what you have to do to decide?
12:11You need to make them do things for you and like buy you things.
12:13Or have them sing that song that the frog does in Looney Tunes.
12:16Make them kiss each other.
12:19Make them kiss me.
12:21Ew.
12:24Yes, this is too tan.
12:27This right here.
12:28No.
12:28This is a tan spot.
12:31I don't buy it.
12:32That is a freckle.
12:33That is not a tan.
12:34Okay?
12:34I'm going to have to inspect it in person when you get back here.
12:37I want you looking totally Puerto Riquena when I see you.
12:42Well, Andy, I'm not coming back.
12:45What?
12:46I have a job here.
12:48I work for an old lady.
12:50Hello.
12:52Andy.
12:54Yeah, that's awesome.
12:55That's great.
12:58Oh, baby, telephone.
13:02And tell me I'm your own.
13:06Wow.
13:08Okay, this is tough.
13:10Because, Daryl, you sang better and you danced better.
13:13But Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star.
13:18I think I've reached my decision.
13:21I have decided that you guys are going to keep doing things for me.
13:26No, no, no, no.
13:28It's not worth it.
13:29No.
13:29No, it's not worth it?
13:31That's too bad.
13:32Because I was feeling particularly hungry this year.
13:35Yeah, okay, so what?
13:36You're about 40 boxes?
13:38Hungrier.
13:40Fifty?
13:42Hungrier.
13:43You're not talking triple digits?
13:46Oh, yeah, I'm talking triple digits.
13:52Again.
13:54Hello, my baby.
13:55Hello, my honey.
13:56Hello, my rec-time gal.
14:01Showtime.
14:02To what?
14:03You again?
14:03Gosh, I keep throwing you away.
14:05You keep flying back.
14:06You're like an Amish return stick.
14:07Okay, great.
14:08Listen to me.
14:08Listen to me.
14:09No, no, I know.
14:10Will you just let me tell you one thing, please?
14:12Yes, you may tell me one thing.
14:13Great.
14:13Wait, do you want to borrow money?
14:14Listen to me.
14:15Robert is going to veto the Saber store.
14:17Jim.
14:17Come on.
14:18Dwight, he's going to kill the store.
14:19Mm-hmm.
14:20And then I'm pretty sure he's going to fire you for it.
14:22Wait.
14:23He's going to kill the store?
14:25And he's going to fire me?
14:26Yes.
14:28That's two things.
14:29Dwight, please.
14:30Nice try, Jim.
14:31Your pranks have never worked in the past,
14:32and they're not going to work today.
14:33Okay, first of all, they've mostly worked, so...
14:35You know what?
14:35You might want to get to the airport.
14:36It's going to take you a long time to get through security
14:38with all those beauty products.
14:40Bye.
14:41Dwight, come on.
14:43Nothing is going to stop me.
14:44That is the mark of a great man.
14:46Unstoppability.
14:48Dunder Mifflin, the farm, Moe's,
14:50all those things vanish in my rearview mirror.
14:55Now, if you'll excuse me,
14:57I have a date with Destiny,
14:58and from what I hear, she's a...
15:04Help!
15:05Help!
15:07Gross, don't lick my hand.
15:08God, why is there so much saliva?
15:10All I had to do was think about pie,
15:11and my salivary glands did the rest.
15:13What? What? What? What? What?
15:15Jim, ah, my appendix.
15:17I'm sorry.
15:17My wound hasn't healed yet.
15:19I'm sorry.
15:19Oh, man.
15:20I'm so sorry, I forgot.
15:21You all right?
15:22You okay?
15:25I'm waking up.
15:28Hmm, looks like schnoot's a no-show.
15:31Guess he wasn't vice-president material after all.
15:34But I am.
15:36Put me in, babe.
15:37I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy style.
15:41I'm your man.
15:45Right, let's begin, then.
15:47Ladies and gentlemen,
15:48allow me to introduce the vice-president of Sabre Retail,
15:52Mr. Todd Packer.
15:55What's up?
16:05What are you doing?
16:07I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff,
16:09since apparently she's not coming back,
16:11and she didn't bother to tell anyone.
16:13We knew.
16:13Ryan told us.
16:16Ryan, why didn't you tell me?
16:17I thought you checked my Tumblr.
16:19You never updated.
16:21Well, I updated it.
16:23Does anyone else think this is weird?
16:26Like, kind of uncool, actually?
16:28To leave us without a receptionist?
16:30We'll find another receptionist.
16:31I mean, that's easy.
16:33We'll be fine.
16:36Ho! Ho! Ho!
16:38What are you doing?
16:40I'm just trying to go...
16:41Get up.
16:41Okay, okay.
16:42Get up.
16:43All right?
16:44I'm not gonna let you by.
16:45Then you know what?
16:45I'm gonna just have to run right through you.
16:48Okay.
16:49What are you doing?
16:51Are you really revving up?
16:52You know that doesn't work.
16:54Jackie Chan!
16:57Uh...
16:57Go.
16:59Hi, this is Alex.
17:01And this is Sam.
17:03Kevin can't come to the phone right now
17:04because he's busy with us.
17:07Perfect!
17:08Now people will think
17:09I'm doing hot girls all day.
17:11I don't know, man.
17:12I might think we're drag queens.
17:13Yeah, I don't know why you pick names
17:15that were also guys' names.
17:16Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen
17:18like a pony?
17:19Don't make me be your pony, Kevin.
17:21Forget it, man.
17:22What do you mean?
17:23I'm out.
17:24That's what was Toby.
17:25This may be wrong,
17:26but there's a limit
17:27to what I would do for my child.
17:29Yeah, I have my dignity, too.
17:32I refuse to be another man's horsey.
17:34No, guys.
17:36Stop.
17:37You have to sell me cookies.
17:38I'll do anything.
17:41Hello, my baby.
17:42Hello, my honey.
17:43I'm even going to kiss Meredith.
17:45That's what...
17:49That is...
17:50Mmm.
17:52That's so good.
17:56What are you doing?
17:57No, no, no.
17:59No, no.
17:59And this is the...
18:00Yeah, done this, ma'am!
18:05Oh, no.
18:07That was it.
18:15Once again,
18:17it's showtime.
18:21What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea,
18:25which the great Joe Bennett rightfully signed off on,
18:29and then utterly botch it in execution.
18:32If I may speak to that,
18:34I have only been vice president of this project
18:37the last half hour or so.
18:38The man you want is Dwight Schrute.
18:40I don't see Dwight.
18:42He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.
18:47Whatever you do,
18:50Do not blame Todd Packer.
18:53It is not his fault.
18:56Blame his upbringing.
18:57His parents.
18:59The society that would mold this idiotic creature.
19:02Fire the employee, yes, but not the man.
19:07You may not cancel his soul.
19:10That was never on the table.
19:12Are you kidding?
19:14She's the queen of the whole friggin' Megillah.
19:16And yet, Todd, it's you who's fired.
19:19What?
19:19I can't get fired.
19:21I'm an institution.
19:22I have been at this company for 20 years.
19:24How many of you have been here that long, huh?
19:47Hey, hey, they're back.
19:50Hey, oh my God.
19:53Tracy, I think she's got it.
19:54Wait, what are you doing here?
19:55I thought you were supposed to be in Florida.
19:56Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow, you look great.
20:00Did you lose some weight?
20:01Thank you for someone who actually noticed this.
20:04No, I didn't lose weight, but I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier.
20:08I actually put on five pounds.
20:10Hey, good to have you back.
20:12Good to be back.
20:16Hey, stranger.
20:17Hey.
20:18Oh, I missed you.
20:19I missed you.
20:24I missed you.
20:28I'm going to Florida to get Erin.
20:35Forgot to turn off my email.
20:37It's crazy, right?
20:38It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt...
20:41You're about to close four tabs.
20:42Are you sure you want to continue?
20:43Yes.
20:43I am sure.
20:47Slow computer.
20:47Slow computer.
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