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Watch The Office Season 8 Episode 17 online in HD on Dailymotion (2025).
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00:01Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre Store and I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the
00:09entire operation.
00:10If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media and Nellie sees this, the
00:15vice presidency is mine.
00:17Hey, are you holding this chair because I feel like I'm going to fall off.
00:19Yes.
00:20I'm not wearing the right shoes for this.
00:21We went over this, okay? Your tiny fingers make the best nods.
00:25Hey, strangers. So stoked for the Sabre Store opening.
00:32Hey, my name is Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the Sabre Store so I can be first in
00:36line for the new pyramid.
00:38Psst. It's me, Aaron. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster to create hype and it's working.
00:44There's already people camped out behind me.
01:00Test launch day, people. Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me to inspire
01:08you today.
01:08Now, I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess, but here's the truth.
01:14I was born in the little working class town of Basildon. And until the age of 32, I taught like
01:20this, which was bloody horrendous, ain't it?
01:24I came from dirt. No, lower than... What's lower than dirt?
01:29Loam? Magma? Mantle? Outer core? Inner core?
01:32Yeah, thank you, loam. Bloody loam I came from. I hit rock bottom when I auditioned for the Spice Girls.
01:39I didn't even get a call back.
01:40Which Spice Girls? The black one. I never stood a chance.
01:46Okay. Now, think about my journey here today and let it inspire your journey.
01:52Okay. Nelly, thank you. Thank you so much. Yep. Yep.
01:55Today is press day and press is going to make or break this store. And for a tech company, press
02:02can only mean one thing. Bloggers. Dossier on bloggers. Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're going
02:12to love them.
02:14Ryan is going to be the main event today. He is the pitchman who is going to give the feisty
02:19yet profound speech worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this?
02:23When people see this presentation, they're going to their pants. Okay. Come on, man. Okay. Seriously disgusting.
02:29Kathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers. Ugh, kill me. That's my idea. Packer, you will
02:35be the sexual predator who has come to prey on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the pyramid.
02:40Ah, that is excellent. I don't see that gets us, but I'm a team player. Perfect casting, right?
02:47Shrewd's out to get me, but I'm playing the long game. As soon as he messes up, I swoop in
02:52like a sexual predator.
02:54I want to create a sense of wonder and enthusiasm, as if at the end of ET, candy poured out
03:02of the screen. Do you understand? I want to get goose pimples.
03:08Speaking of pimples, let's release the bloggers!
03:14Morning, everyone.
03:15Oh, Andy, guess what happened to me this morning?
03:17Don't care. Tell me later.
03:18Listen, it's important. You've got to hear this.
03:22What do you got?
03:23Oh, my God.
03:24Do you have a black eye?
03:26Yes, I do, Phyllis.
03:27I woke up at 4 a.m. by accident in time for the paper to be delivered. Guess what? It's
03:32not a kid on a bike. It's a man in a car.
03:36Andy, who punched you?
03:37Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office?
03:40Black eye, Meredith.
03:42Will someone please explain what's going on here? Since the interesting thing happened till now, so much time has passed.
03:48It's like my life is buffering.
03:50Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day, and there was a gang in the parking lot
03:56on bikes, on motorcycles, and they just were hassling Pam.
04:01That's true.
04:02They had, um, weapons.
04:04I just stepped in to talk some sense into them.
04:07But these were not the kind of people who used their words.
04:10Punches were going, and I ducked a few, landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. It was a
04:16totally, like, senseless crime.
04:19Thank goodness he was there.
04:20Good job, Andy.
04:21Hey, I'm your hero.
04:23I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done.
04:26Open the gates.
04:29There's plenty for everyone. No need to panic. There's plenty for everyone. There's plenty. Don't stampede. No need to stampede,
04:37sir.
04:37I was in front of you.
04:38Okay, okay. Hey, hey. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. There's plenty of pyramids.
04:44Come on. I was in line before you.
04:46So you're a blogger, right?
04:49Yeah. Blogger.
04:51God, stay away.
04:54Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. I'm trying to be a good girl for once.
04:59Uh, yeah, I already bought my pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet.
05:02I haven't had so much fun since seeing Zooey Desh's channel at the Cacciarella Music Festival. It's so fun.
05:09How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now.
05:13No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
05:14We don't need to call the police. Let's just ask everybody questions, get up in everyone's business. Right, Pam?
05:20Police come, then we will forever stay in our neighborhood as a troubled area.
05:24Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood?
05:28Because I have neighborhood pride.
05:301-8-5-0-5. 1-8-5-0-5.
05:33Guys, guys, that's so vague. You gotta do the zip plus four. 1-8-5-0-5. Dad.
05:40Yes, exactly. We need to feel safe, which is why Toby is teaching us self-defense.
05:49Me?
05:50Toby, will you teach us self-defense?
05:52Yeah. Um, I can't believe you remembered. I do self-defense.
05:56Um, I'll go put on my cup.
05:59Great.
06:00Yes!
06:01Okay.
06:01I wasn't sure which one of you is Chuck.
06:04Yeah, no, it seems to be going great.
06:07Andy got beat up by a fifth grade girl.
06:09Look at that guy. He's got his zebra phone on him. He's not even using it.
06:12This is a perfect photo for my daily fail blog.
06:16Uh, I gotta go. Okay.
06:19Dwight, what is a fail? That sounds bad.
06:21Oh, no, no, no, no. It's good. It's really, on the internet, that's a really good thing.
06:27Are you trying to sabotage this entire event?
06:29I'm very sorry.
06:30We gave you an arrowhead for free for the day.
06:35How hard would it have been to do this?
06:39Hello. Hi, sweetie. It's Jim.
06:41I'm calling you from the new arrowhead, which is one of voices crystal clear.
06:45And my hand will never get tired because of the ergonomic shape.
06:49I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do? Maybe pretend to be Chuck?
06:53You could have pretended to be Chuck.
06:54I begged you to pretend to be Chuck, but you chose to be yourself.
06:57And you can no longer be Chuck.
06:59Surrender the tri-pack.
07:06You know what you have to do.
07:14Point it towards the store, idiot.
07:27You know what I mean? Pick one of these buttons and just...
07:31Oh, damn it. Take over.
07:33Oh, hey, hey, hey, you guys. You must be lost.
07:36Listen, excuse me, sir.
07:38Yeah, the fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank.
07:41Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by.
07:43Okay, so long. Here we go.
07:45Eric!
07:46Come on. The elderly suck the life out of the young.
07:49Get them out of here.
07:50We are closed. Come on.
07:53Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay?
07:56This is about escaping with your life.
07:58So strike, scream, and run.
08:02All right, let's try it.
08:10That may have been my fault.
08:11What the hell, Toby?
08:12Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, you're not going to have time to think.
08:17Okay, so just remember I-A-A-T-G. It's all about the groin.
08:22What if you're being attacked by a smallish man who happens to not have a groin?
08:29I don't think that's very common.
08:31What if you're being attacked by a 4'11 man who's penisless?
08:35Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?
08:39Why don't we start with the basics?
08:40Show us how to defend ourself against a baby and then, like, a fifth-grade girl.
08:45And then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man.
08:49Well, the most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female.
08:53So in that scenario, what if the victim sucker punches the attacker in the face?
09:00What can the attacker then do to better protect himself?
09:04It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker.
09:07You would like the turn of the table.
09:10Okay, the latest Chad Flenderman novel.
09:12That's my point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu.
09:16Can I please leave? I have a rape flute.
09:18All right, well, let's try one simple technique together, okay?
09:21Why don't everyone stand?
09:22Okay, so you're being attacked. You got your hands up.
09:25Simple palm strike to the chin.
09:27Up to the chin.
09:29One, two.
09:30One, two.
09:32One, two.
09:32One, two.
09:33I'm kind of cute.
09:34Kathy? Magazine?
09:36Patty Grossman. I'm a woman.
09:38But you still work for Wired, right?
09:39Yes.
09:40Good. Okay.
09:41Flirt away.
09:44Saber, it's time to come home.
09:50Yeah.
09:52Yeah.
09:53I mean, I think it seems like you're a little nervous.
09:55Yeah, no, Sherlock.
09:56Can somebody please tell me something encouraging about this presentation?
09:59Okay.
09:59Before I go out there in front of people and do it.
10:01I know, I know, champ.
10:02Just calm down because, listen, when you're out in front of all of those people.
10:06Yeah, what?
10:07You just need to realize so much rides on this.
10:12You have no idea.
10:14Dwight.
10:14I'm trying to make it feel important.
10:16God.
10:17I wish Kelly were here.
10:18She always knew what to say.
10:22Oh, Ryan.
10:24You're so smart.
10:25You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg and those Google guys all combined.
10:28He he he.
10:30You're so ignorant.
10:31You barely know what you're talking about.
10:33It's so ridiculous.
10:35You really need to read a couple books.
10:37What's a book?
10:39Oh, my God.
10:40You're so embarrassing.
10:42My mom would say the best stuff though.
10:52You can...
10:54You can do it, Ryan.
10:55And you know that I'm capable of this.
10:58You're the only one who can do it, sweetie.
11:00What did you think of the presentation?
11:01I thought it was great, sweetie.
11:05I would just fix that one...
11:06Oh, fix means you hate it.
11:08I knew it.
11:08I need something to drink.
11:10Jim, get him a water.
11:11No, not a water.
11:12A sports drink.
11:12I hate everything in that fridge.
11:14Not red.
11:14Get me something yellow or green from a nearby store.
11:17Okay.
11:17Not red.
11:19Why are you just standing there?
11:20Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink.
11:25Now, if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, you better stop playing dead right away.
11:30And just make it known that you're alive.
11:33Forgive me for interrupting.
11:34I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here.
11:38Some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice.
11:40I think you guys might have the wrong office.
11:42That's him.
11:43The guy I hit.
11:44What?
11:45What?
11:46You've got to be kidding me.
11:47Poor Andy.
11:49First you got beat up by a gang, and now she kicks your ass?
11:53No, Kevin.
11:54What about the lady you hit with a pine cone?
11:56There.
11:57That chubby one.
11:58I just had a baby.
12:00Yesterday.
12:01Wow.
12:02Apologize.
12:04Sorry I kicked your ass in front of your thin girlfriend.
12:07How about we wait till next year after you have your kid?
12:09You know what?
12:10Tiffy's going to college.
12:12Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but I guess I'll just accept your apology
12:16so we can get on with our day.
12:18God bless.
12:19A friend of mine uses your paper.
12:21You do good work.
12:23Bye-bye.
12:24Bye.
12:25So, Toby, I think we should do a different self-defense seminar.
12:28How to protect ourselves against tiny little girls.
12:31There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl.
12:34My ex-wife used to demolish me.
12:37No, there is shame in it.
12:38Okay?
12:38We have to draw the line somewhere.
12:40Oh, my God.
12:40I think I see the imprint of a ring pop.
12:43Oh.
12:45Have you seen Aaron?
12:47I'm on break.
12:51Oh, God.
12:52No, hey, bloggers.
12:54Where do you think you're going?
12:55No, no, no.
12:55You've got to stay for the big presentation.
12:56We've got this young whiz kid, Ryan.
12:57He's like an even more handsome Bill Gates.
12:59When's the presentation?
13:00It's moments away.
13:01Just stay here.
13:02Hey, Uncle Lucas.
13:03It's your nephew, Ryan.
13:05Honestly, I could use a prescription for Ritalin right now.
13:09Well, I know you did one for Aunt Carol.
13:12Oh, so it's different because it's your wife.
13:14Well, that doesn't make any sleep.
13:16You need to get the hell out of my face.
13:19Your little man is unraveling.
13:23Now go and fix it.
13:25Sorry about kicking you out.
13:26It's just we don't want our brand associated with death.
13:30It's okay.
13:31I'll go to the Costco and search for handsome men.
13:34You're not married yet?
13:36Oh, I was.
13:38My husband was my best friend.
13:40He passed away.
13:42Andy?
13:43My best friend was my boss, Andy.
13:46We dated for a while, but since then he rejected me and we're not really friends.
13:51Someone rejected you?
13:53With that body and those bazangas?
13:56Forget him.
13:58Yeah.
13:59Forget him.
14:00And you should forget your husband.
14:04Well...
14:05How long has he been in the bathroom?
14:07Like 10 minutes.
14:08Jeez, what's he doing in there?
14:10Oh, that's my phone.
14:11Am I allowed to answer or are you going to freak out?
14:12Are there bloggers around?
14:14It's Ryan.
14:15I'm sorry.
14:16I lied.
14:17I'm not in the bathroom.
14:18I can't do it.
14:19I need to see my mom.
14:20I'm going home.
14:21What is the delay here?
14:25Where is Ryan?
14:26Why is he not here?
14:28I had to send him home.
14:31As brilliant and creative as he is, he is nothing compared to this guy.
14:38Uh...
14:38What?
14:39That's right.
14:40Will you just give us a second?
14:41You are going to bloody ruin it.
14:42You're going to bloody ruin it because you're no good off us cock-eyed naughties.
14:46Okay.
14:47That's...
14:48Jim, I'm not doing the presentation.
14:50Look at me.
14:50Look at me.
14:51Look at this face.
14:53This is not the face of a performer.
14:55This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die.
14:59I'm telling you.
15:00If you don't do this, I don't stand a chance.
15:06Please, Jim.
15:13Okay.
15:14I'll do it.
15:15Oh, my God.
15:18Okay.
15:19Go get into Ryan's costume and check out his notes.
15:22A costume?
15:22Of course there's a costume.
15:26Oh, this is going to be great.
15:27There's nothing like some last minute changes to really energize a presentation.
15:31Huh?
15:43Did you pass out in there?
15:45What is taking so long?
15:46I've been in here for 20 seconds.
15:47Hurry up.
15:48Let me in.
15:49I want to watch you get dressed.
15:51Did you find the eyeliner?
15:53I'm not wearing eyeliner.
15:55You are wearing eyeliner, Jim.
16:06Time.
16:07Space.
16:09Gender.
16:10There are no rules anymore.
16:12All boundaries are breaking down in the wake of the infinite future.
16:19The only thing that remains are the things that have stood the test of time.
16:26Love.
16:27Values.
16:28And, of course, the pyramids.
16:31The strongest shape ever constructed.
16:34A shape that fits all other shapes inside of it.
16:39No.
16:40It's true.
16:41This is the future.
16:44Because this is the past.
16:47I've been through a lot of issues in my life.
16:50I've seen drug addiction.
16:54Unemployment.
16:55I've been in a relationship that tore my heart apart without ever being able to accept that love drove the
17:01pain.
17:04When I was 10 years old, my parents took me to Disney World.
17:08I cried the whole time.
17:11I was not able to comprehend the beauty that was before me.
17:16I just wanted to go home.
17:19This is what the pyramid will do for you.
17:23It is the bridge to the world.
17:26It has the USB port.
17:29Wireless will be available in 2013.
17:33You can play anything from Chuck to Cars 2.
17:40With the pyramid, you have the connection to everything.
17:47In time and space.
17:50Oh.
17:57Oh.
17:59Out!
18:02Saber, it's time to come home.
18:05C'est parti !
18:35C'est parti !
19:07C'est parti !
19:20C'est parti !
19:22C'est parti !
19:35Oh, boy !
19:37Oh, no, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at, um, something that Cece did on the playground earlier, yesterday,
19:45this morning.
19:46You know why I got hit by girls ?
19:50Because I stood up for others, Pam and Toby.
19:55I stepped in, and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. You may want to ask yourselves,
20:02where were you when the girls came ?
20:07Tough day, yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of painkillers, drank
20:14half a bottle of wine, took my pants off. I just feel good.
20:20Okay, okay. I will be the first to admit it, we could have integrated more Chuck into the presentation.
20:25Right. You're the vice president.
20:29Yeah ! Okay ! Come on ! Right on !
20:36Bam, bam, bam, bam !
20:38Boom !
21:13People were excited .
21:13Amplified !
21:13Well .
21:20Yah.
21:21You're so keen to see.
21:21deadly oroughbuck
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