- 8 hours ago
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00:00I made the richest man in Hazard County, the poorest in the state.
00:05And hires the meanest man in Atlanta to stuff and cuff the dude.
00:09I consider it my duty to keep scum like you off the street.
00:12He deserves a mouth full of my fist.
00:13Follow me!
00:15I'm challenging you to a dude.
00:18Don't you do it, Roscoe.
00:29Just a good old boy, never meaning no harm.
00:36Beats all you've never saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born.
00:43Straightening the curves, flattening the hills.
00:50Someday the mountain might get them, but the law never will.
00:56Making their way, the only way they know how.
01:03That's just a little bit more than the normal life.
01:08Just a good old boy, wouldn't change if they could.
01:16Fightin' the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood.
01:20Yee-haw!
01:28Once upon a time, there was this very smart Greek fellow that said that the shortest distance between two points
01:33is a straight line.
01:35Well, I can tell you right now, if that fellow had never been to Hazard County.
01:51She said this is a shortcut.
01:52Listen, Luke, you're more than welcome to get out and walk, and I'll just meet you on the other side.
01:55Hey, I ain't gonna argue with you.
01:56Jump the dang thing.
02:04Oh, we got him this time, Flash.
02:06We really got him this time.
02:08Take a look.
02:10Jump through there.
02:12Good.
02:12Right there.
02:13Good shit.
02:24All right, Flash.
02:26Buckle up for safety.
02:27Good.
02:29We're in hot pursuit.
02:31Good.
02:32Good.
02:34Good.
02:45Good.
03:04Look, can you sew?
03:05Say what?
03:06You're about to thread the needle.
03:08Hang on.
03:36Hey, Roscoe, you all right?
03:38You need any help, Roscoe?
03:39Are you all right?
03:40Oh, good thing we had our seatbelts on.
03:44Of course I'm all right.
03:46No thanks to you.
03:47You know I'm getting sick and tired of you making me the laughing stock of Hazard County.
03:52And I'm gonna get you for the last thing I do.
03:54And that goes for Flash, too.
03:56You all right.
03:57Right, Roscoe?
03:59Right.
04:02This here's the lost sheep calling crazy, see?
04:05Roscoe's been trying to drive his car upside down again.
04:07He's out here at Hale's Corner.
04:10Thank you, Frank.
04:12Thanks.
04:13Yeah, it's gonna run you $1,000, boss.
04:15$1,000?
04:16$1,000.
04:17$1,000 to fix a car that was brand new only this morning.
04:21Yeah, it's brand new.
04:22You see what you're doing?
04:23What?
04:24A man who drives as bad as you ain't fit to call himself a serial.
04:27You ain't fit to call yourself door catcher, street cleaner, garbage collector.
04:32Garbage collector?
04:33Yeah.
04:33Listen, it ain't my fault.
04:35I was chasing those duke boys.
04:36And they made a monkey out of you.
04:39Oh, sorry.
04:39I didn't mean to badmouth the monkeys.
04:41Let's say every time you tangle with the dukes, they make a baboon out of you.
04:46Maybe I'd have stopped tangling with them, Roscoe.
04:48You'd save the county a whole lot of money.
04:51Not that the county has any with you peeling it all.
04:54Yeah, well, who asked you anyway?
04:55Besides, the county ain't paying for it this time.
04:57Yeah, that's right.
04:58The county ain't paying for it.
05:00Well, somebody's paying for it.
05:01Who's paying for it?
05:02Who?
05:03Yeah.
05:03Well, you!
05:04That's who!
05:05It's coming right out of your pizza.
05:07Out of my pizza?
05:08Yeah, for real.
05:08This time?
05:09Ooh!
05:19You know, the way old Bo and Luke keep finding customers for Cooter?
05:22Well, they ought to be getting a finder's fee, I think.
05:25Or at least a free grease job.
05:27What's the problem?
05:28Well, something seems to be wrong with my car here.
05:31I've got to get into Hazard to see Sheriff Coltrane, at least.
05:35That's no problem.
05:35I'll give you a lift.
05:36All right.
05:37Why don't you, huh?
05:37Yeah, yeah.
05:38Just grab your stuff.
05:38We'll take you into town.
05:39Much appreciated there.
05:40Yeah, Cooter can fix that, I bet.
05:43All right.
05:43Put that in the back.
05:44What about this here?
05:45Well, see, the door's no...
05:46No, no.
05:46Here, we give you a lift.
05:47Wait, wait, wait.
05:49Get in the back.
05:50Well, get in there.
05:52We'll get him in there.
05:53It's good.
05:54Well, all right.
05:55I had a hat when I came in.
05:56Here's your hat, sir.
06:09Plus Cooter's bill for $1,000.
06:11Yeah, I was chasing those Duke boys.
06:12Plus another bill for demolishing the hood and the left front door of another car.
06:16Yeah, again chasing those Duke's.
06:18Yeah, plus another bill for 40 running feet of fence, which you broke up.
06:22That was a mess, chasing those Duke boys.
06:24Yeah, plus another bill for Roy Wheatley's barn, which you smashed into smithereens.
06:28Yeah, it's those Duke boys, it's just so quick.
06:31Which means you owe the county a grand total of...
06:34About six months of my pay.
06:36Yeah.
06:37Only I want it now.
06:39And in case.
06:40Boss, now you know I can't come up with that kind of money.
06:43I wouldn't say that if I were you, Sheriff.
06:45Oh, boss, Roscoe, this here's Mr. Reynolds.
06:48He's attorney from Atlanta.
06:49He got some legal business with R.P. Coltrane.
06:51Well, Mr. Attorney, you'd just plume out of luck if you're planning to sue this here papa.
06:56On account I got every dime he's going to earn in the next six months, hog-tied and branded.
07:01Actually, sir, I'm here at the behest of your late, great Uncle Uzziah.
07:07I never heard of him.
07:08But, sir, he left you his entire estate.
07:12Ten million dollars.
07:16That's more money than there is in the rest of Hazzard put together.
07:19All right, you Duke, you don't fool me.
07:22Listen, you trying to play a joke on a county official, namely me, huh?
07:26Roscoe, this ain't no joke.
07:28It sounds serious to me.
07:29At least we ain't in on it.
07:30We ain't got no idea.
07:31Well, and I'm the tooth fairy.
07:33Sir, I assure you, this is a legitimate bequest.
07:37Listen, you hush too, fella, or I'll cuff you and stuff you.
07:40What do you think this is?
07:41A playground?
07:42This is a booking office.
07:43Now, Sheriff, these papers are all in quite proper legal order.
07:47Whether you choose to believe it or not,
07:48you are now worth ten million dollars.
07:52Mm-hmm.
07:53Great Uncle Hothma Sassassin?
07:55Hosei or Roscoe?
07:57Whatever.
07:57I'll take it.
07:58No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
07:59There's some mistake.
08:00Let me see the color of that money.
08:02Well, now, sir, you'd hardly expect me to carry that amount of money around in my wallet.
08:07However, this should ease everybody's mind
08:09until we can have the proper amount of funds transferred to the Sheriff.
08:12Oh, oh, oh, he gave me a little token.
08:16That's my check.
08:17I know.
08:20Fifty thousand dollars.
08:21He said fifty thousand.
08:24Roscoe, congratulations.
08:25What's it feel like being the richest man in Hazard County?
08:27Oh, it's good news.
08:28He ain't.
08:29He ain't.
08:29I'm the richest man in Hazard County.
08:31I always have been, I always will be.
08:34From the sound of things, boss,
08:35Roscoe could buy you out quicker than a stuck pig squeals.
08:38Yeah!
08:40Well, hello, Mrs. Turner.
08:41Did you hear the news?
08:42Why, Roscoe just inherited ten million dollars?
08:44The news of Roscoe's inheritance went through Hazard like Grant went through Richmond.
08:49And friends, that's fast.
08:50When folks didn't have a friend to pass it on to,
08:53well, they telephoned a stranger.
08:54I mean, you just gotta tell somebody.
08:57Imported cheese.
08:59But old Roscoe was determined not to let the money affect his simple country ways.
09:04Imported caviar.
09:05What's that?
09:05That's caviar, you lug nuts.
09:08What is it?
09:09It's fish eggs.
09:09Ew.
09:10All those millionaires are supposed to eat these all the time.
09:13Two hundred dollars a jar?
09:14Yeah, they...
09:15How come it's so expensive?
09:16Well, labor.
09:19Oh.
09:19See, you know, it's really tough for somebody to get those itty-bitty eggs out of those little
09:24bitty shells.
09:25Yeah.
09:25I never thought of it that way.
09:27Oh, it must be nice to have all that money now.
09:29You can just buy anything you want.
09:31Yeah.
09:32Yeah.
09:32You know something, Cletus?
09:34I have everything I want.
09:37I got flash.
09:38Oh, you love, you love, you love, you love, you love you.
09:40And I got mama.
09:41Yeah, well, all that money, isn't there something that you want that you just think you ain't
09:44about to get?
09:45Yeah.
09:45Now that you mention it, there is.
09:47There is something that just galls my very soul.
09:50You know, I think about it every night and every day and every day and every night.
09:54It's that one more mountain to climb.
09:57It's that one more river to swim.
10:00Well, what is it?
10:02It's the Duke boys.
10:03Oh, if I could just catch them and put them in prison for the rest of their natural lives.
10:19GP, huh?
10:21Ah, boss paying us a visit.
10:24Uncle Jesse must be five minutes late with payment.
10:29Yo, home.
10:30Hey, boss, pleasant surprise.
10:34Never expect to find you here.
10:35Oh, no?
10:36Well, you boys ought to know better than that.
10:38I mean, to who else would I turn for help when Hazard County's in real trouble but my dearest
10:42friend, your Uncle Jesse Duke.
10:45Just what is it you want from us this time?
10:46Well, Lulu is very upset because Roscoe inherited $10 million.
10:52No, that ain't what I was trying to tell you, Jesse.
10:54No, no.
10:54Lulu's upset because her great uncle Hallelujah didn't leave half of that $10 million to her.
11:00Boss, it's great uncle Josiah.
11:01Well, whatever it was, whoever it was, what's the difference?
11:04The point is that Lulu didn't get a rightful share of that money.
11:08And that's a big wrong.
11:09And I for one, that is, we for two, won't stand for it.
11:14Boss, it could be a lot worse.
11:16Look on the bright side.
11:17At least Lulu ain't got all that money.
11:19She can't run around the state buying up everything in sight.
11:22You know Roscoe's gonna.
11:23And ain't nobody gonna keep that money from burning a hole through his pocket.
11:26Uh, nobody excepting us dukes.
11:28You know, boys, I think maybe we owe it to Roscoe to try to get to the bottom of this
11:32thing.
11:33How do you suppose we're gonna do that?
11:34Well, we could start by talking to that lawyer fella, making sure he's on the up and up.
11:38Do you think you could find him?
11:40Well, he was on state seven about a half an hour ago.
11:42Yeah, Luke and me following him all the way up to the farm.
11:44Oh, dank blast.
11:45That means he's too far ahead for anybody to catch him.
11:47That's only if we stay on state seven.
11:49There's gotta be a way across country.
11:50You know a shortcut, don't you, Bull?
11:52Yeah.
11:52Well, let's hit it.
11:53Go, boys.
11:54See y'all later.
11:54Go get them.
11:57Jesse, if you don't mind, have some pie, J.D.
12:01Yeah, oh, if you insist.
12:03Maybe I should have said the pie.
12:05Oh, you know, Mabel?
12:07Yes?
12:07This is Sheriff Roscoe Pico, J.D.
12:11The P is for Prosperus.
12:12Oh, listen, Mabel, would you do me a favor, darling?
12:16Let your fingers go tippy-toeing through the yellow pages over there in the Atlanta telephone
12:21directory and look under investigator and get me a Jason Steele.
12:26Roscoe, you can't mean the real Jason Steele.
12:29Well, it better be the real one for what I want him for.
12:33Well, whatever it is, you can't bring a sidewinder like that into hazard.
12:36Why, the switchboard operator in Atlanta says he's the dirtiest, the low-downest, meanest.
12:41Mabel, never mind his good points.
12:43Just go ahead and get him, and then would you ring me back, please?
12:48This could be the most important phone call I ever made in my whole life.
12:52It's the most important phone call them dukes is gonna have.
12:56Duke!
12:57Oh, he's an important dog, this hitch.
13:00He'll have a little chump.
13:01Oh.
13:03He'll look yummy.
13:08Well, what them's made of?
13:20I hate to claim I know a shortcut on such short notice, but this ought to work.
13:33Just about the time old Roscoe figured that he's gonna have to resort to smoke signals.
13:38Oh, uh, Mr. Steele?
13:40Uh, Mr. Jason Steele?
13:42Oh, this is, uh, Sheriff Roscoe, Pete Coltrane.
13:45I mean, uh, I'm the sheriff over at Hazard County.
13:48Uh, you've heard of me, haven't you?
13:49Uh, no, sir, I can't say that I have.
13:52I've heard of you.
13:53Uh, listen, I have a little job for you, Mr. Steele.
13:56I want you to capture a couple of desperate criminals by the name of Bo and Luke Duke.
14:01Oh, that's, uh, Bo and Luke Duke.
14:04Uh, well, Mr. Coltrane, that will cost you twice the going rate.
14:08Oh, well, heck, that doesn't mean nothing.
14:10Listen, I'm willing to pay quadruple, even four times that much.
14:14Money means nothing to me.
14:16Well, sir, you are a man after my own heart.
14:19And I shall be in Hazard tomorrow morning, and we will finalize the deal then.
14:24Thank you, sir.
14:34Bo and Luke Duke, who are they?
14:36Well, they're just a couple of roofs from some little truck stop called Hazard.
14:42We'll take them like Grant took Richmond.
14:54While Bo and Luke was passing through the Hazard car wash,
14:58looks like lawyer Reynolds was about to observe an unidentified flying object.
15:08and I think the landing is going to be pretty interesting, huh?
15:23Bring him around.
15:37Good morning.
15:38Howdy.
15:39It seems like any time I go anywhere in Hazard, I run into you two.
15:43Well, the first one was an accident, but this time it's on purpose.
15:46Yeah, see, it's about, uh, Mr. Coltrane.
15:48Well, we're worried that money's going to slip through his fingers like soup through a fork.
15:51We just want to make sure that money's his to spend.
15:53I see.
15:55Well, maybe this will answer your question.
16:00I showed this to Sheriff Coltrane before I left Hazard.
16:05Last will and testament of Hosea P. Coltrane.
16:09If you want to look at the, uh, second paragraph on page two.
16:12And to my grandnephew, Roscoe P. Coltrane, I bequeath the sum of ten million dollars.
16:20Well, sir, I guess that proves that Roscoe's a millionaire.
16:23Listen, we're sorry to waste all your time like that.
16:26Well, it was my pleasure.
16:27I'm sure Sheriff Coltrane will appreciate your concern.
16:30Well, it ain't so much the money.
16:31We just ain't sure he can handle being the richest man in Hazard.
16:35We'll see you later.
16:36Bye-bye.
16:37Thanks a lot.
16:37Sorry for the inconvenience.
16:40Now, that's a typical Duke situation.
16:42Worried about somebody else while their own tail is fixing to be in the crack.
16:47Because here comes bad news.
16:49That fuel mixture's a little lean.
16:52Lean?
16:52Are you kidding?
16:53It's rich, if it's anything.
16:54Well, I ain't gonna argue with you.
16:55Let's let Cooter decide.
16:56All right.
17:00Hey, Daisy.
17:01How you doing?
17:03What you doing home so early?
17:04Boss fire you again?
17:05No.
17:06This is serious.
17:07There's a rumor going around the boar's nest that Roscoe's out to get you.
17:10What's new?
17:11Shoot, we out-snookered him before.
17:12We can do it again.
17:13Don't be too sure.
17:15Mabel tells me that Roscoe's used his inheritance money to hire a private detective
17:19to run you guys right into prison.
17:21A fella by the name of Steele.
17:23Jason Steele?
17:24Yeah.
17:26I don't know him, but I know of him.
17:29One mean fella.
17:30Private investigator out of Atlanta.
17:32In particular, whether he catches people fair or not.
17:35That don't sound too good.
17:36Seeing is how he's supposed to show up any minute.
17:45Thanks for warning, Daisy.
17:46You bet.
17:50You reckon we can find out what this guy Steele looks like?
17:52We gotta fight somebody.
17:53It would be nice to know who to punch.
17:55Right there, right.
17:56That's that.
17:59For a fella who couldn't buy a bucket of grits yesterday, old Roscoe is living high on
18:03the hog today.
18:04That's my trigger finger.
18:06You, Roscoe.
18:07Yeah, you good boy.
18:09Look at Flash.
18:11Oh, look at her toenails.
18:13Oh, beautiful.
18:16You want to give that a little buff right there.
18:18Oh, that's good.
18:20Oh, good.
18:21You right there.
18:22Oh, oh.
18:23Pierre, listen.
18:25Just put my new clothes on that gold chair right there.
18:28See those flashy boots?
18:30They're a little gaudy and a little wild, but they're in good taste.
18:33Oh, oh, excuse me.
18:35Excuse me.
18:37Roscoe.
18:37Oh, good grief.
18:39Congratulations.
18:40You're a very lucky man.
18:42I know.
18:42Aren't they pretty?
18:45Oh, well, I ain't talking about your luck with the ladies.
18:47No, what I meant was I'm giving you a chance to invest in a new business venture of mine,
18:52and I'll cut you in for a picky-yoon ten thousand.
18:56Are you kidding me?
18:58Why in the world would I want to invest with some mealy-mouthed, little sniveling, little
19:03fat, little pipsqueak?
19:05Here, look right there.
19:06Who are you talking about?
19:07I'm talking about you, hog.
19:09Me?
19:09Yeah.
19:10Well, you got your nerve talking about me like that.
19:12Oh?
19:12Namely, your boss, your long-suffering brother-in-law, and the most important man in Hazard County.
19:19You were the most important man in Hazard County.
19:21You ain't no more.
19:22I am.
19:23Yes.
19:24Well, only until I get my hands on your...
19:26Oh, never mind.
19:28I ain't never been second best of nobody in nothing.
19:31And I don't intend to start now.
19:33I'll just take my business venture somewhere else.
19:35Yeah, just go on.
19:38That little metal muffin.
19:40I got it.
19:40I scuffed him in there.
19:42That's a trigger finger, too.
19:44It's fine, Norm.
19:45How are you?
19:45Look, you could do us a big favor.
19:47You know anything about a guy named Jason Steele?
19:50Yeah, the talk around Atlanta is he's some kind of a bounty hunter.
19:53He gets paid to get people out of his client's way.
19:55Yeah, he scares some off, and then he frames the others into prison.
19:58Oh, he's a lovable cuss.
20:00That's what I'd heard.
20:02Look, he might be after me and Bo.
20:04You don't think you could scare up a pitcher of him, do you?
20:06If we're gonna be up against him, it'd be nice to know what he looks like.
20:08I'll check into it, Luke, and get back to you.
20:11Now, you be careful.
20:12That Steele's a real bad dude.
20:14So you watch yourself now.
20:15I'll talk to you later.
20:16Right.
20:16All right. Much obliged, Norm.
20:18Thanks a lot. See you later.
20:20What do you have to say about Steele?
20:22Not a whole lot.
20:23He's gonna check through the back issues
20:24and see if he can come up with a pitcher and some more information on him.
20:28I sure hope he does it soon.
20:30This whole thing stinks to high heaven, and I don't like it.
20:33I don't like it one bit.
20:34Come on, Uncle. Just don't worry about it.
20:35Luke and Megan handle ourselves just fine.
20:38Let's, uh...
20:39Okay.
20:46Well, it's no use pretending, Uncle Jesse.
20:48I'm worried about them boys.
20:50Figured you was. Same as me.
20:52They know that Steele character's after them,
20:54and yet they just keep acting so casual about it.
20:56Acting's a word for it.
20:57Pretending like they ain't got a care in the world,
21:00just so as we won't worry.
21:02Well, it ain't working on me.
21:04It's getting so I jump a mile every time I hear a footstep.
21:07Me too.
21:07But the thing is, honey,
21:09we can't let them know how we feel about it.
21:11Otherwise, Steele could catch them with their guard down
21:13and they'd be in more danger than they are now.
21:19What do you think?
21:24Ah, I don't know what I did.
21:26Thank you. I appreciate that.
21:27I'm gonna get you what.
21:28I'll get that tailor in here and make you a green suit with sparkles.
21:33I'm gonna catch my money.
21:35Oh, I love the color of green.
21:3810,000, 20,000, 30,000, 100, 200, 300.
21:46Who put that one in there?
21:48That's...
21:48Somebody sneaked a one.
21:50Oh!
21:51Listen.
21:52Who are you?
21:53I mean, what do you want?
21:55Same thing you want, Mr. Coltrane.
21:57The Duke boys.
21:58Oh, I know who you are.
22:00You're Mr. Steele.
22:01How'd you get in here past flashing me?
22:03I didn't hear you tippy-toe in here.
22:05You see, sometimes in my business, it's better to slip in where you're not expected.
22:08Well, you're gonna have to be sneaky because I'll tell you,
22:11those Duke boys are slipperier than a bucket full of greased eels.
22:14Is that right?
22:15Yeah.
22:15Yeah, all right.
22:16Well, then this job might be a little more interesting than I thought.
22:18Oh, well, that's...
22:19Mr. Coltrane, I'll be traveling incognito.
22:21Oh, well, incognito, huh?
22:22Well, you wear what you got on.
22:24You look great.
22:24You see what I mean is that if you let anyone know that I'm working on your payroll,
22:29I will quit the case and you will still owe me my full fee.
22:32Is that agreed?
22:32I agree to that.
22:33Listen, it may take a lot longer than you figured,
22:35and I'm not gonna pay you till you get those boys in Atlanta and put them in a slammer.
22:39At which time, sir, you will owe me $100,000.
22:44There's one other small point.
22:45Yeah.
22:47May heaven help you, sir.
22:50Ooh.
22:50If you ever even think about welching on that payment,
22:54I wouldn't think...
22:54WELCHING!
22:55Ooh!
23:02That bounty hunter didn't waste much time before testing the boys,
23:06and his first move was pretty slick for a city boy.
23:20Are you crazy?
23:25Luke, I think you did that deliberate.
23:27Yeah.
23:27Well, it's time to show them there ain't no room for hit-and-run drivers.
23:31Yes.
23:33Yeah, Luke!
23:34Yeah, Luke!
23:45John Law from you-know-who.
23:46You ready to go fishing?
23:47I don't know if I can find me a couple of suckers worth catching.
23:50Well, it's all part of the plan.
23:51I'm beating the hook right now.
23:53Hey, cross that state line, you reel them in.
23:55Then foul.
23:56You see, if all the moves being on probation
23:58ain't supposed to leave Hazard County without permission.
24:01And being chased by a bounty man don't come close to being permission.
24:04It doesn't really matter.
24:05I'm just getting warmed up.
24:11Luke, the county line.
24:12They cross that line, and it's goodbye to the ladies
24:15and hello to six years hard time.
24:29Just another couple of feet, we've been across the county line.
24:31Yeah, with the Chickasaw County Sheriff waiting for us.
24:34You know, if I didn't know better,
24:36I could swear that hit-and-runner was trying to bait us,
24:38trying to make us break our probation.
24:41Yeah, they're smart, all right.
24:45There's gonna be more fun than I thought.
25:05Ain't it past your bedtime?
25:13Uncle Jesse, you want to tell me what's worrying you?
25:17What makes you so sure something is?
25:20You always weirdo when you worry.
25:24It's the boys, ain't it?
25:27Yeah.
25:30If something was to happen to them boys,
25:32I don't know what I'd do.
25:36I'll tell you I'm more than worried.
25:39I'm scared plum out of my wits.
25:48Now, grab a hold of something firm.
25:50Y'all ain't gonna believe this.
25:52Roscoe's new toy.
25:59Ain't that tasty.
26:00I was just dusting it off for you.
26:02Doesn't need dusting.
26:03I've been dusting it for eight hours.
26:04Who is it?
26:04A Rolls-Royce.
26:06Yeah, yeah.
26:07A Rolls-Royce turned into a sheriff's patrol car?
26:09It's a doozy, isn't it?
26:11Well, what kind of a nincompoop would do this to a Rolls?
26:13This, a very, very rich nincompoop, that's who.
26:17All right, Cletus,
26:18take my old vehicle down to the crusher
26:20and have it crushed.
26:21Now, wait a minute.
26:22Will you hush?
26:22Sheriff, you can't do that.
26:23That car is still county property.
26:25That's right.
26:25Hush.
26:26Hush.
26:26I can do anything I want to.
26:28Listen, take it down there
26:29and have it crushed
26:30into little eeny, teeny, little bitsy pieces.
26:33I like the smaller the better.
26:34Send a bill to me when you get it crushed.
26:36Okay.
26:37Little fat buddy,
26:38would you care to join me in the backseat
26:40and watch a little television?
26:41No.
26:47Naughty, naughty.
26:48I ought to get you for a litter.
26:49I ain't got time.
26:50I got to watch cartoons.
26:52Gee, I love cartoons.
26:53It's my favorite.
27:01Let me get this right now.
27:02You're saying that the mix is too rich
27:04and you say it's too lean.
27:05No, no, no.
27:05It's the other way around, Cletus.
27:06We got it backwards.
27:09Do you want my expert opinion?
27:11So, tell them.
27:12Let it be, cousins.
27:13Let it be.
27:14Watch your fingers
27:14and watch your toes.
27:17Well, you can't both be right all the time.
27:21Hazard garage.
27:22Crazy cooter coming at you.
27:24Huh?
27:25Hey, can you kill them?
27:28Luke Duke?
27:28Yeah, he's right here.
27:29Hang on.
27:30Huh?
27:31Hey, Luke?
27:31Yeah, I got it, got it.
27:32Friend of yours from Atlanta.
27:35Yeah, Norm.
27:35This here's Luke.
27:36I got some bad news for you, Luke.
27:38There's not one photograph of Steele in the morgue.
27:40Now, I've checked the papers in Little Rock,
27:42Memphis, Mobile,
27:43and it's all the same story.
27:45Well, from what you told me about him,
27:46I can't hardly believe that.
27:47It don't hardly sound possible.
27:49Well, I got something here that might help.
27:50I got a clip in about Steele
27:52that he's claiming a reward
27:53for arresting an old moonshiner
27:55by the name of Wilkinson.
27:57Now, Wilkinson claims
27:58that his home address is Hazard County.
28:00Yeah, yeah, that'd be old Ben Wilkinson.
28:02He lives in a shack out in the boonies.
28:04If we can find him,
28:05we ought to be able to get
28:06some kind of description from him.
28:08If we're lucky.
28:09I'll let you know how it comes out.
28:10Thanks a lot, Norm.
28:11Much obliged.
28:15I heard that.
28:17From what I remember,
28:17old Ben Wilkinson ain't too friendly.
28:19Right, old Ben ain't the meanest man
28:21in Hazard County,
28:22but the meanest one don't mess with him.
28:25Well, it's got to be better
28:26than chasing the shadow,
28:27which is what he's been doing.
28:29Well, I ain't believing this.
28:31Feast your eyes.
28:32Damn, mercy.
28:34Ain't it funny what money will do?
28:36Well, let's give some reason.
28:37Glad to do it.
28:39Take care, Couture.
28:40Right.
28:46Whoa!
28:47You push it!
28:49What are you doing here?
28:50This is disgusting,
28:51my posteriorly smoke,
28:52but I was going in an outfit.
28:54Bet that thing glows in the dark, huh?
28:56Oh, and hey,
28:57that's a real sharp-looking police car,
28:59Roscoe.
28:59Like that.
29:00Yeah, it is.
29:01Yeah, and keep your
29:02clammy cabbage collectors off of it.
29:04I want to keep it that way.
29:05Hey, whatever you say.
29:07Where's your buddy, Steel, anyhow?
29:09Oh, he's down at...
29:11Uh, Steel?
29:12Uh, which Steel is that?
29:14Oh, come on, Roscoe.
29:15You know, the guy you hired to frame us.
29:17Bounty hunter, I believe.
29:19I don't have the slightest idea
29:21of what you Duke boys are talking about.
29:23Look, why don't you just move
29:24this piece of trash on down the road
29:26before I get you for real legal?
29:27You're the boss, Roscoe.
29:31Boss, huh?
29:32Yeah.
29:34And don't you forget it!
29:35What do you think?
29:37He's lying through his dang teeth,
29:38that's what I think.
29:39Gotta bruise one thing.
29:40Huh?
29:41Right about Steel.
29:42Yeah.
29:48While the boys was hunting their quarry,
29:50the quarry was getting ready
29:51to ambush them.
29:54What'd you come up with?
29:55See for yourself.
30:00Yes, that's gonna make a nice little present
30:02for the Duke boy.
30:04Now, all we have to do
30:05is figure out exactly when to use it.
30:08Now, if this ain't the dangest
30:09merry-go-round,
30:10Roscoe's bounty hunter
30:11is after the boys,
30:13while the boys are hunting
30:14Roscoe's bounty hunter.
30:16Or anyone who can tell them
30:17what Steel looked like.
30:24She's got that bow.
30:25Yeah.
30:29Uh, Mr. Wilkerson?
30:34Ben, uh, Alyssa,
30:35can we talk to you for a minute?
30:38The door's open.
30:39Gotta be around here somewhere.
30:41Got some stew cooking on a campfire.
30:44Ben!
30:46You looking for something?
30:47Huh?
30:49Now, you folks know
30:50that I don't like my privacy
30:51being disturbed.
30:52Now, you boys better have
30:53a dang good excuse
30:54for being here.
30:56Now, tell me what you want
30:58and make it quick.
31:00Now, did you ever try
31:00to come up with an excuse
31:01for trespassing
31:03while staring down
31:04two holes of a shotgun?
31:09Now, tell me what you want.
31:10Jason Steele.
31:11What you want with that
31:12low-down varmint for?
31:13No, sir.
31:14You see, Mr. Steele's
31:15looking for us.
31:15Well, why didn't you say so?
31:17Ha, ha, ha!
31:19If Jason Steele
31:20is looking for you boys,
31:21you may as well
31:21give yourselves off.
31:23You know, he caught me
31:24three times for the bounty money.
31:25Yes, he did.
31:26Well, we're sorry to hear that,
31:27but Luke and me
31:27ain't gonna add to
31:28his bank account none.
31:29Well, we can't hardly dodge him
31:30unless we know
31:31what he looks like.
31:34Well, now, he's, uh,
31:35he's about, uh,
31:36about your height and weight,
31:37I reckon,
31:37and, uh, he's got
31:38the same color hair
31:39as you do,
31:39except not as much office.
31:40How about his eyes?
31:41Brown eyes, brown eyes,
31:43and about as friendly
31:43as rattlesnake.
31:44You know, Bo,
31:45if old Ben don't mind
31:46taking a ride into town,
31:47I think I got a way
31:48to find out exactly
31:49how Mr. Steele looks,
31:50even if he is
31:51a little camera shy.
31:52Do you mind
31:53helping us out?
31:53Uh, no, no.
31:54Uh, but just let me
31:55fill my jug first.
31:56It's a long ride
31:57in the town, boys.
31:57Sure.
31:58Keep away from the fire.
32:00Here you go, Roscoe.
32:02You can just put that
32:05on my tab.
32:06Ah, no, you don't, Daisy.
32:07Give me a laugh.
32:08Watch you do that.
32:09Why?
32:10You ain't got no tab now.
32:12I ain't?
32:13Conor, I figure
32:14a newly rich multimillionaire
32:16can pay cash.
32:17Well, I can pay cash
32:19if you can cash
32:20a thousand dollar bill.
32:21Ah, get your garbage
32:22collectors off of that.
32:23Why?
32:23Conor, I also figure
32:24a newly rich multimillionaire
32:25can pay for his own popcorn.
32:27You know something,
32:28you little pork chop.
32:30You make me sore.
32:31You really do.
32:32You know,
32:32you've been bad-mouthing me
32:34ever since you found out
32:35that I'm richer than you.
32:36Well, there you go again.
32:37And I'm sick and tired of it,
32:39you hear?
32:39Yeah, yeah,
32:40sick and tired of you
32:41lording it over me.
32:42Yeah.
32:42Just because I'm number two.
32:44That's right,
32:44you're number two.
32:45You know what I'm gonna do?
32:46What?
32:47I'm challenging you
32:48here and now
32:49to a duel.
32:51You...
32:52A duel?
32:53Are you kidding me, fella?
32:55You know I'm a better shot
32:56than you are.
32:57Well, I didn't mean
32:58with guns, P-Bring.
32:59Oh.
32:59I mean with cards.
33:01Don't you do it, Roscoe.
33:03He'll beat the pants off of you.
33:04Oh, you hush up, Daisy,
33:05with your pants.
33:06Yeah, hush.
33:06Well, how about it?
33:08Hmm?
33:08Stud poker
33:09poker at 36 inches.
33:12Hmm.
33:12Uh, poker at 36 inches.
33:15Inches, yeah.
33:16Well, what's the matter?
33:17Hmm?
33:17You afraid I might win
33:18some of your
33:19multi-million dollar simoleum?
33:21Oh, I'm not afraid
33:22of anything that walks,
33:23talks, or digs,
33:24holds you,
33:25little muffin.
33:26Good.
33:27All I gotta do
33:28is raise the ante
33:28until it runs him
33:29right out of the game.
33:30Yeah, well,
33:31I'll take my chances
33:32on that.
33:33Yeah.
33:33Of course,
33:34if you'd just rather
33:34let your fellow
33:35Hazardites know
33:36how chicken you are.
33:38Fives.
33:39Did you say chicken?
33:40That's right.
33:41Well, you've gone
33:41too far now,
33:42fat boy.
33:43You got yourself
33:44a poker game.
33:50Oh.
33:53Before Asa took up
33:54barbering,
33:55he used to do portraits
33:55for a dollar
33:56at the county fairs
33:57and sometimes
33:58for the state police.
33:59Now, Luke figured
34:00if old Ben could show Asa
34:01where to bob a nose
34:02or a square jaw,
34:03he'd come up
34:04with a fair to middling
34:05likeness of old Jason Steele.
34:07Hold on a second.
34:09Hey, Bo?
34:09Yeah.
34:10You recognize this guy?
34:11Since I'd wanted
34:12to try to run us
34:12off the road,
34:13we should have known that, Luke.
34:14Yeah, I believe
34:15we owe Roscoe another talk.
34:17Let's do it.
34:17Thanks a lot, Andy.
34:29Friends,
34:30I don't believe
34:30I'd let old boss
34:31deal me a stack
34:32of flapjacks.
34:39By this time,
34:40the news of a showdown
34:41between boss and Roscoe
34:43was all over the county
34:44and the boar's nest
34:45was packed
34:46like a bucket of worms
34:47with folks just waiting
34:48to see the biggest
34:48poker gaming hazard
34:49since boss put up
34:51Lulu as a bet,
34:52hoping to lose.
34:54The other guy
34:55was betting a cow.
35:00boss was making
35:01double sure
35:02that he could
35:02double deal
35:03old Roscoe
35:03out of his newfound fortune.
35:21little butterflies flying around
35:23your fat little tummy.
35:24He could do it.
35:25He could do it.
35:26He could do it.
35:26All right.
35:26Now I'll put you down
35:27and let you go play.
35:30Go tear it off.
35:33When are you going to get
35:34this game started?
35:35This suit of yours
35:35is beginning to hurt
35:36my eyes.
35:38There's sparkles on it.
35:39Well, listen,
35:40I'm ready.
35:41Whenever that little
35:41penny pincher's ready.
35:43All right.
35:44Is he going to play
35:45or ain't he?
35:45Not only am I
35:46going to play,
35:47but I'm going to teach
35:48this big spender here
35:50a lesson his wallet
35:52will never forget.
35:55Well, you know what
35:56we need before we start?
35:57What's that?
35:58We need a referee.
35:59A referee?
36:00Yeah, somebody who
36:00doesn't give a diddly-doo
36:01one way or another.
36:02Well, that's Uncle Jesse.
36:03Don't know.
36:04It can't be me
36:04because I hope
36:05they both lose.
36:06Well, that would be fair.
36:07See, I just come down here
36:09to see who Roscoe
36:10was talking to.
36:11What better way
36:12to find out?
36:14Yeah.
36:16All right, I'll referee.
36:17All right, then.
36:18I'll do you.
36:19Clear the card.
36:19Right here.
36:20Give me those.
36:21Get your clammy
36:22cabbage collectors
36:22off of them.
36:23Wait a minute,
36:24then.
36:24Your cards ain't decent.
36:25That's right.
36:25I'll deal.
36:26No, you won't.
36:27Well, let the referee
36:28decide.
36:28All right.
36:29Uh, your cards
36:30ain't decent.
36:31Well, that's a fair
36:31decision.
36:32Boy, you don't give
36:33a diddly-doo-doo,
36:34do you?
36:35All right, now, then.
36:37Since we ain't
36:38friends with money
36:39or chips,
36:40Daisy, I want you
36:41to write our bets
36:42down on your order pen.
36:44Okay, boss.
36:46Yeah.
36:49Show him how.
37:03Queen bets.
37:04Oh, that doesn't mean
37:05I get to go first,
37:05don't I, Jesse?
37:06All right.
37:07Uh, I'm going to bet you
37:09my, uh, goose quill blanket
37:12and my wild cherry headboard
37:14and my, uh, bubble gum collection.
37:16Against my barber chair
37:18and my five-gallon punch
37:20pool with the six
37:21little cups.
37:22You got that?
37:22Six little cups, yeah.
37:24Don't y'all know
37:24that them folks in Vegas
37:25would just be plain
37:26eat up with envy?
37:27Queen Kings High.
37:29Your bet, Roscox.
37:30Oh, good.
37:31Oh, I love this.
37:32I love this.
37:32Oh, okay.
37:33I'm going to bet
37:34my hen house
37:35and all my chickens
37:36against my big red bone
37:38in the back 40.
37:39And I'll raise you
37:40the big pile of fertilizer
37:42piled up behind it.
37:43Oh, oh, all right.
37:45Uh, let me see here.
37:46Okay.
37:47I'm going to raise you
37:48my house
37:50and one more pile
37:51of fertilizer.
37:51I'll meet that pile.
37:53Okay.
37:53Hold it, fellas.
37:54I got pile against pile here.
37:55You're going to start
37:56all over again.
37:56Well, if...
38:05I gave up.
38:06Oh, yeah.
38:07Ah.
38:10Well, it looks like
38:11Bo and Luke
38:11are going to get there
38:12just in time
38:12for the finish
38:13of the poker game.
38:30I ain't sure
38:31what Steel is up to,
38:32friends,
38:32but I know
38:33it ain't nothing good.
38:37Come on.
38:38Raise you in the pile.
38:38Yes.
38:39All right, all right.
38:40Don't touch the card.
38:41I'm not touching the card.
38:46Now, you know
38:47a bad dude like Steel
38:48ain't giving nothing away,
38:49much less the pistol.
38:51That's bad.
38:58Well, you're going to have
38:59no trouble planning Rochko.
39:00That's all the good
39:01it's going to do.
39:03We've got to play it cool
39:04until we can catch him
39:04along with Steel.
39:09Garbage.
39:09King, queen, still bets.
39:11That's you, Ron.
39:11That's me.
39:12Well, okay.
39:14I'm going to bet
39:1521 new shiny suits
39:17and 10 pointy boots.
39:19Against the bill of Steel,
39:20I'm my white convertible.
39:22And I'll raise you
39:23all the imported
39:23hardwood furniture
39:24in my house,
39:25upstairs and down.
39:26All right.
39:27I'll match that
39:27with my tractor
39:28and I will raise you
39:30one color television set
39:31and a stereo.
39:32Yeah, and I'll meet that
39:34with everything I got.
39:35Every little, big
39:36and little thing
39:36I got this whole wide world.
39:38You will, huh?
39:38All right, then I will match you
39:40with everything I got.
39:41All right.
39:45This show is exciting.
39:47Heaven's alive.
39:49Oh, dear me,
39:50I dropped my handkerchief.
39:52Oh, if you long,
39:53just excuse me.
39:55Yeah, I got him, Mr.
39:56I'm going to stop it.
39:58I'm going to make him
39:59a bleached out
39:59meadow muffin
40:00if I could.
40:06I once had a doggie
40:07to do that.
40:08He ate one of my boots
40:09and a can of Prince Alba.
40:11But, you know,
40:12that dog wouldn't
40:13touch my cookie.
40:14Yeah, well,
40:14I caught my handkerchief,
40:16but, you know,
40:16I've been thinking,
40:18Roscoe,
40:18I can't do this
40:19to an old friend.
40:20Yeah, I probably went here.
40:22And it wouldn't be right
40:23for me to take away
40:25your new garden game,
40:26so why don't we just
40:27call off the whole game?
40:30A deal's a deal.
40:31Now, are you going to play
40:32or do you forfeit
40:33the pot to Roscoe here?
40:35Pot?
40:35No, I'll play!
40:37I'll play!
40:38I'll play!
40:44Nine of spades,
40:47six of hearts.
40:50Since we both bet
40:51everything in the world
40:52we own,
40:53I got a pair of kings.
40:58Well,
40:59I've got an ace.
41:03That's all.
41:04I've got nothing!
41:05I've got nothing!
41:06I've got nothing!
41:07Put it in there!
41:09Put it in there!
41:09No more house!
41:10No more boxes!
41:12No more sun bills!
41:14No more bags!
41:15No more mortgages!
41:17No more IOUs!
41:19I ain't even got
41:21no more barbership!
41:23Give me that ring!
41:24Don't crinkle that finger on me!
41:26Put it in there!
41:27I'm making honest
41:28that years and years
41:29I'm working my fingers
41:30to the boot
41:31to make an honest living
41:32in the American way
41:33and it's all gone down
41:34the tubes!
41:36Did you see what I did?
41:38I made the richest man
41:40in Hazard County
41:41the poorest in the state.
41:44All right, Daisy!
41:45Beer for everybody
41:47and at half price!
41:49I want it!
41:51I want it!
41:52I'm lucky!
41:52I'm lucky!
41:53I'm lucky!
41:54I'm lucky!
41:55Since Steele ain't here
41:57I bet he's at the Moss Hotel
41:58here's one way to find out
42:02Let's go
42:11Roscoe's got everything
42:13far to live
42:16Hey, Gilda!
42:17This here's a few things
42:18in Hazard
42:18I don't loan you
42:19Anybody else want to
42:20kick me off?
42:27All right
42:27Just drink on up
42:29I'll be back
42:29in a flash for the gas
42:33You keep slurping up
42:35those sons
42:35Gordor!
42:37Don't you
42:38Oh, it's you
42:39Mr. Steele
42:40I don't want you
42:41scuffing the rhinestones
42:42Was there something
42:45you wanted to see me about?
42:46How'd you like to
42:47nail those Duke boys
42:48for illegal possession
42:49of a handgun?
42:50Oh, I'd love that!
42:52How am I going to do that?
42:54Well, I've seen it
42:55with my own eyes
42:55Oh, it's a nickel plate
42:57of 357 Magnum
42:59Gordor!
43:00Uh, listen
43:02Mr. Steele
43:03could I ask you
43:03just a little tiny favor?
43:05Uh, listen
43:06you'll get your money
43:07all right
43:07I promise you that
43:08but I'd like to
43:10be the one
43:10that apprehends
43:11them Duke boys
43:12and cuff them
43:12and stuff them
43:15Oh, good, good
43:16I tell you
43:18I love it
43:18I love it
43:19Gordor!
43:19You're all heart
43:20and muscle
43:23Gordor!
43:23Oh, muscle
43:34You dipstick
43:34What are you trying to do
43:35scuff my brand new vehicle
43:37Now get your vehicle
43:38and then turn it around
43:39here and follow me
43:40All right, all right
43:41You don't have to get hot
43:42I'll follow you
43:56Hey, Roscoe's throwing us
43:57I believe this is right
43:58behind him
43:58All right
43:59We ain't done nothing wrong
44:05Dang, cuz we've just
44:06been set up
44:07Oh, great
44:08All we need to be
44:09is caught with that
44:09dang thing
44:10Uh, get rid of it
44:14All right
44:15Boys, you might as well
44:17go horse you around
44:18I've got you
44:19dead right
44:20If you throw that
44:21thing out now
44:21Roscoe's gonna see you
44:22doing it
44:23Uh, what are we gonna do?
44:24Well, they can't prove
44:25nothing
44:26If we can throw it
44:26where they can't find it
44:27Like that quicksack
44:28over a mosquito bog
44:36We ain't never gonna
44:37shake them on this road
44:37You don't have to shake
44:38them
44:39All you gotta do
44:39is get to that bog
44:40before they do
44:53We're almost there
44:57Dang it
44:58Keepin' on the road
45:09Freeze
45:11All right, Cletus
45:12Grab that gun
45:14forever it is
45:14That's gonna put
45:15these Duke boys
45:16in and slam her
45:17indefinitely
45:19Here, catch, Cletus
45:20Boat!
45:24Dipstick
45:25Cletus
45:25What?
45:26Get off of me
45:26You dipstick
45:27You know what you're
45:29doing
45:29You're stuffing
45:30my rhinestones
45:31I'm sorry, Sheriff
45:32I'm just trying to help
45:33Well, you helped
45:33them
45:34Throw the evidence
45:35away
45:35What evidence
45:36you're talking about,
45:36Roscoe?
45:37Don't pretend
45:37you don't know
45:38cause you do
45:39It's that nickel
45:40plate of 357
45:41magnum
45:41you chucked
45:42over there
45:42Oh, if you know
45:43where we threw it
45:43You can just go
45:44dig it out
45:44Well, that's just
45:45what Cletus
45:46is gonna
45:47No, you
45:48See, naughty, naughty
45:49You can't have him
45:50do that
45:50That's quicksand
45:51It goes all the way
45:52to China
45:53How about that?
45:54Well, Sheriff, then
45:55What keeps it off
45:56from just draining
45:56out the other end?
45:57Same thing
45:58that keeps your brains
45:59from running out
46:00Get your vehicle
46:01Yes, sir
46:02And you two
46:03Oh, see
46:04You're not out
46:04of the woods yet
46:05Because you're gonna
46:06turn around
46:07one of these days
46:07and make a mistake
46:08and we're gonna
46:09be there
46:09We're gonna be
46:11in your hip pocket
46:12Good one
46:13Good one
46:15Good one
46:15Good one
46:29Good one
46:30Good one
46:31Good one
46:31Good one
46:32Grab the jack
46:33Out of the trunk
46:33All right
46:35Well, the Dukes
46:36must have knocked on
46:37about every door
46:37and has
46:38Hoping to come up
46:39with somebody
46:39who could put them
46:40on to Jason's steel
46:41It was like chasing
46:42a ghost
46:43Now, take a real
46:44good look
46:44Are you sure
46:44you haven't seen him?
46:53Did you find steel?
46:55Not yet
46:56Between the four of us
46:58Uncle Chessie
46:58That's including
46:59Cooter
46:59We've been looking
47:00all over the place
47:00for him
47:01We'll find him, though
47:02Well, we'd better
47:02I think if the boys
47:05let their guard down
47:06they could get
47:08You got another picture
47:09of that dude?
47:10You bet
47:11Thank you
47:13I think of him
47:14after my boys
47:15I just can't stand by
47:19and do nothing
47:23Uncle Chessie,
47:24where are you going?
47:24Look out, Rodney
47:25I'm going down
47:26by the swamp
47:27If I was on the lam
47:28that's where
47:29I'd be hiding out
47:31You be careful
47:42Breaker one, breaker one
47:43Might be crazy
47:44but I ain't dumb
47:45Craze
47:45Cooter coming at you
47:46Uncle Shepard
47:47you home on out there
47:48and the hazard net
47:49come on
47:49Cooter
47:50I got too much
47:51on my mind
47:52to open my mouth
47:52right now
47:53Uncle Chessie
47:54Daisy told me
47:55what you're doing
47:55and I don't blame you
47:57but how about
47:57waiting up for me
47:58Cooter, I can't
47:59waste my time
48:00right now
48:01I got to find
48:02this steel fella
48:03This is Chessie
48:04over and out
48:04I got to find
48:34The rest of you out there, come on.
48:37Crazy Cooter Holler and Uncle Shepard, come on.
48:39You know, when you set things in motion to do somebody harm,
48:43there ain't no way to be sure who's really gonna get hurt.
49:25You know, YouTube.
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