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00:05G'day folks, it's Kenny Smythe here.
00:07Now I know what you're thinking.
00:08What's your ugly muck doing on me zombie box?
00:11Well, some jokers in TV land reckon I know a thing or two about dunnies.
00:15And when the idea of celebrating the UN year of sanitation popped into the scones,
00:19guess I got a lot with the job of hosting the show.
00:22So come and explore the septic wonders of the world with me.
00:25Welcome to my world, Kenny's world.
00:54We have a special guest tonight from Northern Australia.
00:59This is Mr Kenny Smythe.
01:04G'day folks, Kenny here in Japan with me old mate, the Sushi Cowboy,
01:08who's been showing me around all the weird and wacky dunny sights in Tokyo.
01:13He wasn't about to let me go without singing some not-so-okey-dokey karaoke.
01:16Let me see it.
01:20And true to form, he had one last surprise up his sleeve when he invited Japan's answer to Cindy Lauper
01:26along.
01:31And what I didn't know was Jun Tagawa has been a huge star in Japan for over 20 years.
01:36And what was it that brought her fame?
01:38And you guessed it, the old squat box.
01:41The nose is pretty.
01:43TOTO!
01:44What you like?
01:46I love toilets.
01:49You know, when these TOTO commercials first appeared in the 80s,
01:52Japan's reaction was nothing short of constipated.
01:55But it wasn't long before Jun and TOTO became household names.
02:03I got a letter from the butt.
02:06Hello.
02:08A bum letter?
02:10What do they say?
02:24Even butts want you to understand how they feel.
02:28Clearly, Japan listened to the concerns of their backsides,
02:31because over 60% of Japanese now own a TOTO toilet.
02:35All thanks to Jun's unique approach.
02:37And I'm as happy as a freshly squirted bum because Jun has pushed a few buttons
02:41and got me a tour of the main TOTO factory.
02:44Thank you so much again.
02:46That night I slept like a kid on Christmas Eve.
02:49I couldn't believe it.
02:50I was going to TOTO to check out some of the most advanced toilets in the world.
02:54Only problem was the main factory is down the bottom of Japan.
02:58And my son said I'd be a right Nong if I didn't save time on a bullet train.
03:05At first, I was worried a bullet train might be something run by the Japanese Mafia.
03:09And this bloke would shoot me if I didn't have the right ticket.
03:12But no.
03:13Who's called a bullet train for good reason?
03:15This thing's doing 300 kilometres an hour.
03:17Matter of fact, one of them just broke the world record doing 500 clicks.
03:21These dark patches we go through, they're mountains.
03:24And you go through them so fast and come out the other side.
03:27This thing comes off the tracks.
03:29We're down.
03:33Luckily, the driver knew what he was doing.
03:35I met up with my translator, Hiromi, halfway.
03:37And we weaved our way down to Fukuoka, where the toilet is king.
03:45You know, the Tote Corporation produces a whopping 7 million dunnies each and every year.
03:51And you know, they've been selling loose since 1917.
03:54What do you mean?
04:04Yes, indeed.
04:06Nothing like a good safety mantra to kick start the day.
04:10What a buzz to be at Japan's first and largest dunny manufacturer.
04:15That machine basically just shut out a toilet.
04:18And it does this 70 times a day.
04:22Isn't this nice?
04:23All the toilets get a little ride on the Ferris wheel before they head off to work.
04:28This is, uh, this is Potty Land.
04:31Or Pissney Land.
04:34They're like little charringes.
04:41This is a plumber's paradise, this.
04:44Look at that.
04:45Those vacuums, see?
04:46I see.
04:47That's very good.
04:48You know what I like most about this place?
04:50All the toilets here work.
04:53Tote also have a toilet museum that covers their entire history in the business.
04:58If you know what I mean.
04:59The museum has everything on show from stand-up toilets for women to tiny children's loos to reinforced dunnies for
05:06sumo wrestlers.
05:07For sumo?
05:09Are you serious?
05:10I'd never even thought of it.
05:11Look at that.
05:12These sumo toilets are reinforced because often when the big fellas lose, they head straight to the dunny and kick
05:18the crab out.
05:19Well, you should let him know I'm only about three mils off being a sumo.
05:26Oh, right.
05:27I might have to get one of these.
05:30Plumbing would be a little bit easier if toilets were all this small, you know.
05:33I mean, if things weren't going too well with your wife, you could probably buy these as a set of
05:36earrings.
05:38Speaking of which, Toto ran a toilet paper poet competition and one of the winning entries read...
05:44I use my ex's toothbrush to clean the toilet.
05:48Hopefully my ex isn't watching.
05:50Hey, look out.
05:51I'm used to that.
05:52In Australia, we've got crocodiles.
05:55Coming up, I go to Taiwan, where I spend a very special evening at a special place with a very
06:00special friend.
06:01Sounds special?
06:02You better believe it.
06:04Now, I've been waiting to see this toilet for years.
06:07Look at that.
06:08That's fantastic, isn't it?
06:10Good on us.
06:10And there it was sitting right under my nose.
06:13Toto's Waslet Toilet.
06:14It has everything.
06:15It has an automatic deodoriser, fragrance emitter, a heated seat, rectum water jet, bum dryer, automatic lid, automatic flusher and
06:23music jukebox.
06:24If this is the present, I just had to ask, what are the future?
06:28I think what's going to happen is that the toilet will be taking care of our health as well.
06:33Oh, really?
06:33This piece of poo magic will end up becoming best mates with your family's GP.
06:37Every time you deposit a specimen, Dr Lou Little here can email your state of health and diet to your
06:43family's doctor.
06:43Bit of a worry if you've gone out for some dodgy curries and spent the night out on the turf.
06:48Gee whiz, it's come a long way.
06:51And with the push of a button, you can get a front row seat with Mozart.
06:55If only he knew.
06:56I guess he was sitting down when he wrote it, so it makes sense you'd sit down to listen to
07:00it.
07:05And for the pista resistance, I was given a private tour of Toto's high-tech research facility.
07:11Oh, look at that.
07:15There were even things there we weren't allowed to show the cameras.
07:18Secret poo business.
07:20You've got to love that.
07:21Right, well that's the fake Frankfurt poo.
07:24Here we go.
07:25And bang, look at that.
07:26Whoosh, whoosh.
07:27It's all gone.
07:27I just want to drive around the streets flushing people's toilets.
07:30If they really want to make some money, what you should do is get a toilet that can turn poo
07:34back into Frankfurt's.
07:37And this is the one that shoots water.
07:40You know, they actually based the Washten squirter on a car aerial.
07:43There was no, let's just point a hose up the clack of technology going on here.
07:46Four ladies, they actually went to some of the striptease theatres, got some volunteers.
07:52Set the test.
07:53Set the test.
07:53They even got these 300 willing Toto employees to take part in the where's my rectum calibration test.
07:59Try adding that to your next job application.
08:07Well, there's certainly no fluke that Toto are ahead of their game when it comes to toilets.
08:12Not only are they dedicated to the health, comfort and wellbeing of their customers,
08:16but they take an interest in looking after themselves and their chubby guests.
08:19This must be the washing machine manoeuvre.
08:22It's a lot harder than it looks, isn't it?
08:25That way.
08:26Into the sleepy elephant.
08:29Back into the little squatting Jesus.
08:41Kyoto, Japan.
08:45Hiromi and I are going to meet a group of people who live by the rules of the Isshuan way.
08:50It's a philosophy that embraces toilets as a means of finding peace, humility and a world without conflict.
08:59This is just like being at my dad's.
09:01He always makes you take your shoes off too.
09:03Now all I've got to do is try and keep up with the rules, not make a fool of myself
09:08and I might learn a thing or two.
09:09Arigato. Arigato. Arigato. Arigato.
09:14So how exactly do they achieve this in a peace?
09:17Well, through the simple act of offering to clean total strangers' crappers, free of charge.
09:25The Isshuan way, or rockerman Geojin, was first thought up by Tinko Nishida back in 1919.
09:32And his grandson, Nishida's son, is still running the practice today.
09:36Well, I'm Kenny Smyth. I'm from Australia. I'm a plumber by trade.
09:41You know, in my country we do it because I have to to get paid.
09:46What an honour to be invited to live the Isshuan way for a couple of days.
09:49But I've got to tell you, the last time I sat squat legged for anything was to watch Romper Room
09:54on the telly when I was just the rubbery age of five.
09:57Oh boy.
09:58Hi.
10:00Hi.
10:01Hi.
10:03Hi.
10:06Hi.
10:13Sadly, it's not just a matter of where's my brush and point me to a bulb.
10:16One has to know and learn the disciplines of the practice and participate in lessons from early light to almost
10:22midnight.
10:24Now I'm sure these songs have great meaning and relevance, but having been lobbed on the blokes side of the
10:28room without a translator, I might as well have been singing the Bulldogs club anthem.
10:34Have a look at yours truly, will you? Leader of the pack.
10:37There was only two things I didn't know at this point. What I was saying, and where I was going.
10:46Lucky old Toby came in off the bench at the last moment just to make sure I was heading the
10:50group in the right direction.
10:51God knows where I would have taken them.
10:57Great, I thought I'd love a good dinner chat before kicking back.
11:00But no, meals have to be eaten in total silence.
11:05Luckily for me, slurping is seen as a sign of appreciation in Japan.
11:09Or at least that's what I was told.
11:11Now I can't be certain that it was the slurping that upset the captain as I came to know him.
11:15But clearly, he was not a happy camper.
11:19And he washed me like a hawk.
11:31Now I'm with him 100% on the issue of world without struggle or conflict.
11:38But spending hours on end on nothing but your knees did not leave me with a warm and fuzzy feeling.
11:43I've got to tell you.
11:45I'll never walk again.
11:48And thank God, I wasn't the only one suffering.
11:51These are the trouble ones.
11:53Especially you.
11:55Whoa!
11:59I'm going to go near the door, Tomo, so I can get a little toilet during the night.
12:03And I can't say I was thrilled about the sleeping arrangements either.
12:05You see, I'm somewhat of a snorer.
12:07And the walls here are paper thin.
12:09Quite literally.
12:10I was terrified I'd roll over in my sleep and wipe out half a village.
12:14Secret man's business.
12:26It's time for your bath.
12:27It's a bath towel.
12:28What's that?
12:29It's a bath towel.
12:30That's a towel?
12:31Yeah, that's for your bath.
12:32Where I come from, that's a flannel.
12:34That's like a towel that's had a baby son.
12:36Now I can only assume the captain overheard my not-so-it-win whinge about the towel.
12:41As I was promptly handed another one and put on floor polish duty.
12:44Good times.
12:53And so after a rowdy breakfast and a chance to bathe my knees and ankles, it was time
12:59to hit the streets in search of humility and self-enrichment.
13:04All the locals came out to greet us.
13:06You know, what a wonderful gesture and good on them.
13:08And we were armed with little more than a bucket, washing cloth and a brush.
13:11We silently paraded the streets for what honestly felt like years.
13:24All the other groups are getting a lot of instruction from their leader but the captain won't speak to us.
13:34What a bizarre form of transport.
13:36We got on a train with a spit personality.
13:39Spent half its time being a train, then gave up the ghost and headed straight down the main street and
13:43turned into a tram.
13:50Finally we arrived at our destination.
13:52The captain gave us our marching orders and we split off into pairs.
14:01I can honestly say the Ituan philosophy is hard on the ego.
14:05As we were turned away from almost every house we visited.
14:17To be honest, an hour or two of this and a life without humility was starting to look attractive.
14:30But with perseverance we managed to strike it for a goer.
14:33It's okay.
14:35I've never been more excited about cleaning a dunny in all my life.
14:40Now I've cleaned a million and one toilets before but I found the experience surprisingly liberating.
14:46Knowing it was being done for no other gain except for a spiritual one.
14:49This is one of those toilets that has the hand basin on top to save water.
14:53The owner was very appreciative and even humbled by her presence.
14:57I'd guess it's easy to forget your daily miseries when a total stranger is cleaning your crapper for free.
15:03What an amazing group of people the Ituan's are.
15:06And you know, even the captain was beginning to make sense to me.
15:10So, my time at the Ituan temple had come to an end.
15:13Some lessons had been learnt, some friendships had been made, and I even made my way into the Ituan family
15:18album.
15:19I was dripping with humility.
15:21But what thoughts lie behind this smile?
15:24Get the captain to call me a cab and get me to a hamburger.
15:30Did you know that years ago the Japanese would burn soy sauce to block the smell of the old poopy
15:35carcars?
15:40The thing about Japan is it's such an old country.
15:43Everywhere you look there's history.
15:45It's riddled with it.
15:46They've certainly compensated for the limited space with colour and beauty.
15:50It's bloody staying.
15:52Hiromi and I are back in Tokyo, visiting the Open Air Folk Museum in Kawasaki,
15:57where we're meeting with Mr Aiki Morita.
15:59Hey mate, how you doing?
16:00And I'm stoked.
16:00Not just because he's a dead ringer for Australia's Dick Smith,
16:04but because he is one of Tokyo's leading experts and authors on the history of early Japanese civilisation and sanitation.
16:11Many of the buildings here have been brought in from around the country and reassembled to represent different periods in
16:17Japan's history.
16:18So this whole hut is just for the toilet?
16:22The toilet, it's the outhouse, but also it's actually an area to store the poo for fertiliser.
16:27Right.
16:28You know, I was fascinated to find out that poo and wee were considered valuable resources to many farmers of
16:34the past.
16:34They actually separated the urine from the poo.
16:37So that's for the hamburgers and this is for the soft drink as we as we say.
16:41Some farmers actually troubled the community searching for quality human fertiliser to purchase.
16:46You thought being a used car salesman was tough.
16:49Now I've got to ask a silly question here, maybe it's not silly, but the area of Kawasaki, is this
16:53actually where the Kawasaki motorbikes are made?
17:03I think that's a no. That's a solid no actually.
17:07Mr Morita's lack of motorbike knowledge is certainly forgiven when compared to his knowledge of all things popular.
17:12In fact, he's written a book listing all the Japanese words for toilet.
17:17All 1,114 of them.
17:21214.
17:24554.
17:25555.
17:28748.
17:30901.
17:32902.
17:331,113.
17:351,114.
17:39You know, all this history got me thinking, okay, so I now know how the common villagers handle the cooler
17:45nature.
17:46But what about the ancient samurai?
17:47With all that fancy armour on, all suited up for battle with nowhere to go.
17:51Oh, steady on there, Silver!
17:55Alright fellas, well then, pull it up!
17:57Iksuda, tomorrow you wanna need it!
17:59Oh look, look, settle down, absolutely.
18:01I understand and I wouldn't wanna argue with you, but, trust me, the war will wait for us.
18:07But this commander needs to go and take a little crouching panda.
18:11Yeah, just the strap there, just the...
18:13No, not that, just the...
18:18Oh, kaboom!
18:19Oh, kaboom!
18:19Oh, kwa zeta!
18:20Mate, that have a go of me!
18:22I mean, this is not listed as good times in my book, I was told there was gonna be 27
18:25of them!
18:26Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
18:28I'm trying to help, mate, but I'm trying to concentrate.
18:30Oh, ya kwa zi mozo!
18:32Mela yuka mozo!
18:38Thanks to me old mate, the sushi cowboy, and my interpreter, Harami,
18:41I've had a ripper time in Japan, and I really don't wanna leave, but,
18:45I've got a rendezvous with a very special person.
18:51Next stop, Taiwan.
19:00Well, I've just gotten into Taipei, and I'm as happy as a snake in a hole punch competition,
19:05cause I'm meeting up with my girl Jackie.
19:07I'm just looking for something for a lady, for a very special lady actually.
19:12I'm just looking for a present for my girlfriend.
19:17She's pretty small, I think, she's got very small wrists.
19:20It's like an elephant dating a mosquito, I'll tell you the truth.
19:23Jackie's taken me out to a restaurant tonight.
19:25I haven't been taken out to a restaurant in a very long while.
19:27Actually, my ex-wife tried to take me out in a restaurant once,
19:30cause she tried to hit me with a walk, but I haven't been taken out to a restaurant for a
19:33long while.
19:39I'm here in Taipei to meet Jackie.
19:41It was actually my first overseas trip that we met.
19:45She's an airline stewardess, and she travels all over the world,
19:48and luckily for me, she was in the area.
19:51Jackie's got a great sense of humor, and we have a lot of fun together.
19:54She's a classy lady, and I don't think I'm being biased.
20:00We took a stroll through the colourful night markets.
20:03They sell everything and anything in these joints.
20:06You just never know what great bargains you're gonna come across.
20:08Oh my God.
20:11Jackie insisted I try a massage.
20:14I can only assume I reminded this bloke of someone who ate it,
20:17cause he nearly pushed the guts of my feet up into my neck.
20:21So what is it? Local food, like Chinese, or?
20:24What is it?
20:24You'll find out.
20:25Oh, you're not gonna tell me?
20:27I'm not gonna like it either way, I'm pretty hungry.
20:29Well, we're here.
20:30Well, I love pasta.
20:31No, no, no, no.
20:33There.
20:33Where?
20:34The modern toilets.
20:35Oh, you're joking. How did you find this?
20:39Now this, I did not expect.
20:43Talk about knowing your way to a poo technician's heart.
20:45This whole restaurant is dedicated to toilets.
20:48They've got toilet seats to sit on and bars' tables,
20:51and most of the food and drinks come out in miniature toilets
20:54and plastic poo cups.
20:55I'll admit the place looks pretty bizarre, even for me.
20:58But trust me, the curries and noodles here taste and smell fantastic.
21:02It's been fantastic to finally catch up with.
21:04I kind of feel like every time...
21:06We're getting strangers in the night.
21:08Yeah, it is like pasta.
21:08Hi.
21:09Oh, my God.
21:10Okay, this is the various high powers,
21:13and here we have the curry chicken.
21:15Yeah, fantastic.
21:16Clearly the owner has a sense of humour,
21:18and some of the weight has filled me in on the restaurant's history.
21:21This whole restaurant is the brainchild of a Mr Wong.
21:23Mr Wong was a very successful banker,
21:26but he decided to chuck that in and start selling ice cream
21:28in little toilet-safe cups on the street.
21:31Interesting career move.
21:32But it paid off.
21:33The toilet ice creams caught on
21:35and pretty soon expanded the idea into a proper restaurant.
21:38In fact, there's now a chain off.
21:40No pun intended.
21:41So it looks like Mr Wong got it right.
21:43It's got to be the only place in the world
21:45where the curry starch in the toilet rather than eggs in the toilet.
21:48How weird does this look?
21:50I may wake up with a headache tomorrow.
21:52I've had a big night on the piss.
21:55Today is actually my birthday,
21:57and I was clearly not the only one in the room that knew it.
22:00Jackie had been talking to my son, Jesse,
22:02who'd clearly let the cat out of the bag, but good on him.
22:05Oh, it's from the little man.
22:07I couldn't be happier.
22:08A card from a little hero?
22:10Dinner at a toilet restaurant with my girl?
22:12Does it get any better than this?
22:13I doubt it.
22:14I don't have to wish for anything.
22:15I've got everything I want.
22:16But I'd better blow this out
22:17because we're about to wax the whole cake.
22:24Well, folks, that's it for now.
22:26I hope you can join me on the next Kenny's World episode
22:29when we travel to China and Singapore
22:31to plumb the curiosities and wonders of all things popular.
22:36I knew they were saying chicken,
22:38but I obviously don't know the Chinese word for feet.
22:40So take care, be good to yourselves,
22:42and, hey, give a stranger a smile, eh?
22:44Good on you.
22:47I've got a strong hand.
22:48If you see his thumb come out the front of my chest, let me know.
22:51Yeah, I'll let you know.
22:53I'll let you know.
22:54Bye.
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