- 6 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:01There's a wedding in Hazard.
00:03Wedding?
00:03What?
00:08Three months.
00:09Roscoe.
00:11Two.
00:12Purvis.
00:14One.
00:14Coltrane.
00:16Tomorrow.
00:18Tomorrow.
00:21Get out of there!
00:25Stay put now. You're all invited to a wedding.
00:34Just a good old boy.
00:38Never meaning no harm.
00:42Beats all you never saw.
00:44Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born.
00:48Straightening the curves.
00:52Flatening the hills.
00:56Someday the mountain might get them, but the law never will.
01:01Making their way.
01:04The only way they know how.
01:08That's just a little bit more than the law will allow.
01:13Just a good old boy.
01:17Wouldn't change if they could.
01:21Fightin' the system like a two modern day Robin Hood.
01:25Yahoo!
01:29It all started on one of them Hazard Spring mornings.
01:32Flowers were a-poppin' open.
01:33Alpha-Valpha was a-blowin' in the breeze, and the bees were makin' out with their honeys.
01:41General Lee had just had a spring tonic tulip.
01:44And old Bo and Luke was lettin' it all hang out.
01:47And it looks like somebody else is firewallin' too.
02:12You idiot, why don't you watch where you're drivin'?
02:14I didn't see him, Vic.
02:17Hey, Bo, you all right?
02:19Yeah.
02:19Get the seat belt off.
02:21All right.
02:22Oh!
02:23Get outta here.
02:25Lord of your mercy.
02:26Hey, you guys!
02:28Let's get outta here.
02:30Hey, hold on a minute!
02:35Well, how do you like them?
02:37Nice.
02:39You sure you're okay?
02:41Yeah, I'm fine, but...
02:43Looks like don't look like the general's doin' too good.
02:46Hey, you sure showed them.
02:48Cute.
02:49I'll call Cooter on the CB.
02:50All right.
02:52We set up a once-in-a-lifetime payroll heist,
02:55and you almost blow it over some rubes in a dumb accident.
02:58Stop gettin' your nose outta joint.
02:59They didn't see us good enough to recognize us.
03:03From here on, everything's gonna go smooth as silk
03:05as soon as we hit that bank.
03:08Over at the sheriff's office,
03:10the second part of this little tale was about to unfold.
03:17All right.
03:18Now, Flash,
03:20we're gonna give you another little lesson
03:21in being a really good police dog.
03:25Now, when I give you the command to attack,
03:27I just want you to show no mercy.
03:29Just...
03:30I just want you to cronch and...
03:32Come in.
03:33Get back!
03:33He's a killer!
03:34You kidding him?
03:35Listen, he's in the middle of training now here.
03:37Sheriff,
03:38there's somebody waitin' for you in your office.
03:40Hey, Flash.
03:43How many times have I told you
03:45that nobody goes into that office
03:47except Boss,
03:49the dog,
03:49or me when I'm not here, huh?
03:51Sheriff,
03:53it's her!
03:54Your pen pal!
03:54I don't care if it's a queen that you can go...
03:57Ooh!
03:57Papina, papina.
03:58Pal?
04:00What in the world is Sue Ann doin' here in Hazard?
04:03I recognized her scent
04:04from all them letters you've been gettin'.
04:05Oh, boy, she sure is a sweet-smellin' thing.
04:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:09Please, just never mind how sweet she smells.
04:11Why didn't you tell me she was here in the first place?
04:13I said I was...
04:13Well, you hush!
04:16Just hush.
04:30Well, ain't you the handsomest hunk of man
04:32in that there uniform you're wearin'?
04:34Sue Ann,
04:36what the heck are you doin' here in Hazard County?
04:40Roscoe P. Coltrane,
04:41is that all you got to say to a lady friend
04:43after I come all the way here from Hanleyville?
04:45Or did you forget all that sweet talk you gave me
04:48over the past three weeks
04:49since we met through that computer dating service?
04:51Oh, no, ma'am.
04:52I didn't forget anything.
04:54It's just that...
04:54Well, you see, I was just sort of surprised to see you here.
04:58Did anybody else see you come in here besides Cletus?
05:01Am I supposed to be some sort of deep, dark secret?
05:04Uh, no, no, no.
05:05It's just that I hadn't gotten around to tellin' anybody, you see.
05:08Or did you just figure you could toy with a lady's affections
05:12and then wave bye-bye like I was just nothin'?
05:14No, no.
05:16No, Sue Ann.
05:17Everything I told you was the honest truth.
05:18No, I wouldn't lie to you.
05:20You little...
05:22I don't lie to...
05:23Did you really?
05:23Yeah, I just...
05:25Oh.
05:27Oh, honey, you got me all sauced and spooned.
05:30Oh, you just gave me a vapor lock, too.
05:33Now, how about the wedding?
05:34A wedding?
05:36Wedding?
05:37Oh.
05:38I was right.
05:38You did take advantage of me.
05:39No.
05:40All them times, the past three weekends, you took me for chop suey.
05:43Yeah, with this.
05:44Sharing our fortune cookies.
05:46Yeah, we just shared them.
05:47Rowing on the lake.
05:48Yeah, yeah.
05:48I told everybody I'd gone fishing.
05:52Well, you caught me.
05:53Now you're ready to throw me back in the pond.
05:55Oh, no.
05:55Okay, I'll go.
05:56No, no.
05:57Sue Ann, Sue Ann.
05:58Nobody said anything about you goin'.
06:00Well, nobody said nothin' about us gettin' married, neither.
06:04Well...
06:04Unless you do.
06:05Well, I...
06:06You didn't give me a chance.
06:10Oh, Roscoe.
06:13When?
06:15When?
06:15When?
06:16Uh...
06:17Well, you see, it's gonna take a little bit of time, see?
06:19Now, I've gotta tell my little fat buddy, boss, Hog,
06:23and then I've gotta tell Flash, that's my dog,
06:25and then I gotta tell Mama,
06:27and after she has her coronary...
06:30I would say about six months.
06:34So, three months.
06:36Roscoe.
06:36Two.
06:37Purvis.
06:38One.
06:38Coltrane.
06:39When would you like it?
06:40Tomorrow.
06:41Tomorrow?
06:42Tomorrow is day after today.
06:45You've got it.
06:47Oh, sweetie.
06:49Oh, eat just one more thing,
06:53and you'll make me the happiest gal in town.
06:55Anything.
06:56Well, I've always had my heart set on a big wedding,
07:00and me not having any family and all,
07:02and you having all your deputies and Boss Hogg,
07:05and the whole town is your little family.
07:08It sure would be a nice turnout.
07:11Anything your little heart desires, it just tickled me to death.
07:14I love you.
07:15I love you.
07:16Well, I gotta go over the hotel now and freshen up.
07:19Oh, freshen up.
07:19Oh, freshen up.
07:19Goodbye, you great big beautiful he-man sheriff.
07:22Goodbye.
07:23Listen, I'll just...
07:25Oh, here's your suitcase here.
07:28You're welcome.
07:29Goodbye.
07:30Good.
07:31Good.
07:33Oh, just...
07:34Oh, just...
07:37Tomorrow.
07:39Tomorrow.
07:40Whoa, whoa...
07:40Mood.
07:42Uh...
07:42Mama.
07:43It just...
07:47Now, that front end is all shot to me.
07:50Wasn't there from to the general.
07:52Yeah.
07:52Who did that to ya?
07:53Ah, shoot, I don't know.
07:54A couple of guys ran us off the road,
07:56and they just kept right on going.
07:57No.
07:57The hit-and-run drivers, there's nothing worse or more low-down and dirty than a hit-and-run.
08:02Do you have any idea, whodunit?
08:04Ah, we ain't actually got no idea.
08:06You two didn't happen to see a black sedan with a couple strangers in it.
08:09Got a big orange dent in the side.
08:10It's not me, you.
08:11No, can't say that I have either, Luke.
08:13We've been everywhere.
08:14Well, I'll tell you what, me and Luke are going to wander around town.
08:16If we run into him, we're going to teach him a little something about driving.
08:19Yeah, right after we get the bad news from Cooter.
08:21Yeah, all right.
08:21Hey, Cooter.
08:22How you doing?
08:23Hey, y'all.
08:24Hi, Cooter.
08:26Greetings, Cletus.
08:27Where's my son?
08:28Didn't come home for lunch again.
08:30Hi, Mr. Coltrane.
08:30He's in his office.
08:32That child's got to be a caution to live with lately.
08:34Mooning about the house all day and not eating proper like.
08:37What's a mother to do?
08:42Mama, what are you doing here?
08:43Well, I come to feed my little baby.
08:45Now, go wash your hands.
08:47Lunch will be on the desk.
08:49Mama, never mind the lunch.
08:51I got something bodacious to tell you.
08:54Bodacious can wait.
08:55My fricassee dog, Jowls, can't.
09:04It's all set.
09:05Tie the knot tomorrow.
09:06Right on schedule.
09:09Now, friends, I smell something.
09:12And it ain't no bridal bouquet, either.
09:15Now, listen, fellas.
09:16You can't be taking the lie on your own hands.
09:18Uncle Jesse didn't raise us that way.
09:19You know better.
09:20Daisy, come on.
09:20Cooter said it's going to cost us $987.16 just to fix the body on it.
09:24General, we're about $987 short.
09:27As soon as I get my hands on those guys, we just have to shake that money right out.
09:30There they go!
09:32That's them!
09:34Bring your cheese back later, Daisy.
09:36And you be careful.
09:37Yes, ma'am.
09:37Put yourself and get cheese.
09:41Married?
09:44Roscoe P. Coltrane, you can't get married.
09:46You ain't ready yet.
09:48Well, Mama, I'm 48 years old.
09:50True, but you still don't pick your clothes up.
09:52Your socks don't match.
09:54And you still squeeze your toothpaste from the middle.
09:56But, Mama, you don't understand.
09:59I want a wife.
10:00When you were five, you wanted a fire engine.
10:03And look how fine you growed up without it.
10:06Well, all them other kids had a fire engine.
10:09So now you got a police car.
10:11Yeah, a beef.
10:15There they are!
10:16All right, get them, cousin.
10:18Oh!
10:48I swear he looks better, don't he?
10:51Mama, I've made up my mind.
10:53I'm going to marry Sue Ann.
10:55I mean, we were meant for each other.
10:57Look, I'll show you.
10:59You see this little article here?
11:01It says,
11:02Are you lonesome?
11:03And I am.
11:04And you're looking for a date or a mate?
11:05And I was.
11:06It says,
11:06Write in today and I did.
11:08And that is the Dixie Computer Dating and Marriage Service.
11:12You mean you got a girl out of a machine?
11:15Lordy, what won't they think of next?
11:17Well, it's foolproof.
11:18See, we're really meant...
11:20Listen, Mama.
11:22Darling,
11:22I just love you with all my heart and soul.
11:25I really do and I always will.
11:27But don't you understand?
11:28There's something lacking down deep inside of me.
11:31Sometimes I'm a very lonely man.
11:35Well, son,
11:36if that's the way you really feel,
11:39I won't stand in your way.
11:40Oh.
11:41All I care about is your happiness.
11:43Oh, you just go ahead and get married.
11:45And don't you worry, Ron, about your poor old mama
11:48who's gonna look for a real high window
11:51to jump out of.
11:56You take the alley and cut them off.
11:58All right.
12:02What's up?
12:22Well, Bo and Luke weren't the only ones being surprised.
12:29Mary!
12:30Mary, you, Roscoe P. Coltrane,
12:33my sheriff,
12:34getting married.
12:35What's this on the bus, sir?
12:36Roscoe, you may be itchy and need a scratch,
12:39but you are staying single and that's an order.
12:41Who?
12:41You're a sheriff
12:42and you're supposed to have only one boss.
12:44Namely you.
12:45Namely me.
12:46But listen, but boss,
12:47I only want to do it.
12:48I said forget it.
12:50The last thing I need is a bossy wife
12:52telling her husband, my sheriff,
12:54no, you shouldn't drive so fast.
12:56No, you can't work late tonight.
12:58No, you ain't getting a big enough cut of the teak.
13:01Now, this marriage is off,
13:03canceled,
13:04dead as a donate.
13:05But boss,
13:06you see,
13:07you don't understand.
13:08You see,
13:08I've already made arrangements to get married tomorrow.
13:11I've invited everybody.
13:12I invited you and Lulu and my dog, Flash.
13:15And I even invited Cletus.
13:18Oh, thank you, Sheriff.
13:19Are you forgetting what day it is tomorrow?
13:21No, I'm not forgetting what day it is, you dipstick.
13:24It's my wedding day.
13:25Yeah, Dodo.
13:26And it's also the day that that special miners, P. Rowe,
13:29comes into my bank.
13:30One hundred thousand Samoulians.
13:33Cold cash.
13:34And you think I'm going to leave my bank unguarded
13:37while my law officers are off at some dang fool wedding,
13:39letting anybody who wants to come right in off the street
13:41and steal every last penny of that payroll,
13:42leaving me with nothing but the insurance company
13:44to make good on the loss.
13:48Boss is right.
13:49Boss is always right.
13:50Not necessarily.
13:52Not necessarily.
13:53Roscoe,
13:54I've been blind.
13:56Just plum blind.
13:57I mean,
13:58who am I
13:59to stand in the way of my good friend
14:02and brother-in-law Roscoe's throwing himself
14:04into the sea of matrimony?
14:08Cletus!
14:08Yes, sir?
14:09You get out of here for a minute, will you?
14:11Yeah, just get up.
14:11Roscoe and I got to talk about his wedding night,
14:13you know, man-to-man stuff.
14:15What am I, wearing a girdle?
14:16You ought to be good.
14:22He may be kin,
14:23but he's too stupid to be trusted.
14:26Boss, did I hear you right?
14:27You gonna really let me get married?
14:29Yeah, I am, I am.
14:30And afterwards,
14:31you and me are gonna share
14:32a hundred thousand dollar wedding present.
14:35The usual split, of course.
14:37A fifty-fifty.
14:38Eighty-twenty.
14:39It's my wedding.
14:40No, it's my money.
14:41At least, it's my bank's money.
14:43The bank's gonna give it to us.
14:45No, no, deadhead!
14:46The Southern Deposit Insurance Company
14:49is gonna give us that money.
14:50That's who.
14:51Why would they do that?
14:52Now, Connor, tomorrow,
14:52I'm gonna arrange to have my bank robbed.
14:55And it's gonna be done
14:56while every living, breathing soul
14:58in Hazard County
14:59is at your wedding.
15:00Good.
15:00Except the dukes.
15:01I don't want them dukes at my wedding.
15:03Including the dukes!
15:03Including the dukes.
15:04There comes a time for forgiveness.
15:07Well, this is one time I'll forgive them.
15:08Only this ain't their time.
15:10This ain't their time.
15:11No, no, you just give me another idea.
15:12Oh, well, that's...
15:13You're sure full of them, ain't you?
15:14Oh, I appreciate it.
15:15And this one's the greatest
15:16since instant grief.
15:17I know it is.
15:18Which one is it?
15:19This is the one that tomorrow
15:20we invite every living, breather soul
15:22in Hazard County
15:23to your wedding
15:23except the dukes.
15:26Except the dukes?
15:27Yeah!
15:27Which makes them
15:28the number one suspect
15:29in the heist.
15:30Ooh!
15:32Them being the only ones
15:33who could have done it.
15:34God, I love it!
15:35I love it!
15:36I just love it
15:37when you get those
15:37brilliant ideas.
15:39Get out of there!
15:40I've been up and down
15:41every street in Hazard County.
15:42They ain't see
15:42hiding a hair of them.
15:44No, we can't give up yet.
15:46What's up?
15:47Hi, darling.
15:48Well, hello.
15:49How you doing, darling?
15:50Okay, Bob.
15:52The road heading north
15:53looks like the best escape route.
15:55That's the one we're gonna use.
15:56It's a perfect setup.
15:58Sue Ann does her job
15:59on that Hicks, Sheriff.
16:00We got that bank
16:01all to ourselves.
16:02Could be our biggest take yet.
16:05Hey, there's those two guys
16:07we ran off the road.
16:08Let's get out of here.
16:11Hey, you guys!
16:15Oh, look out.
16:32Come on, Bo.
16:36Ain't them Dukes something?
16:38They can climb out of a wrecked car
16:39without a scratch
16:40and can't walk straight
16:41across a board.
17:09Dang it, I'm getting away.
17:13Tell us two fellas
17:14hit and run us again.
17:15This time I got
17:16their license number.
17:18J-R-L-7-6-9.
17:20Good eyes.
17:22I don't know
17:22what they're up to.
17:23You know, first
17:23they run us off the road
17:24and now they're throwing
17:25stuff off buildings at us.
17:26It beats me.
17:27But I'm aiming to find out.
17:29Come on, let's get back down.
17:30All right.
17:31Cleetis?
17:31Yeah?
17:32I'm going down
17:33to the Hazard Emporium
17:35and get my wedding suit.
17:37Hey.
17:37It's white.
17:38You're going to love it.
17:39Roscoe.
17:40Roscoe, we got a problem.
17:41Hey, Roscoe,
17:42we got hit and run.
17:45$987.16 worth.
17:47Oh, my.
17:47That's terrible.
17:48Yeah, we got
17:49the license number, though.
17:51Roscoe?
17:51I can't even listen to him.
17:53Roscoe!
17:54Oh.
17:55Hello, Bo.
17:57Luke.
17:58Nice day, isn't it?
17:59Y'all have to excuse him.
18:00He's not in his right senses.
18:01What?
18:01We're getting married and all.
18:03What?
18:06Congratulations, Roscoe.
18:07Who's the unlucky lady?
18:08Oh, her name is Sue Ann Bliss,
18:11but soon it'll be
18:11Mrs. Roscoe B. Coldreen.
18:15I love her.
18:15I love her.
18:17Well, that's real, real nice, Roscoe,
18:19but listen,
18:19we got some official
18:19police business for you.
18:21Luke and me got a license number
18:22he wants you to check out.
18:23Haven't got time
18:23to talk with you now.
18:25I'm gone.
18:25Hey, wait a minute.
18:26Roscoe!
18:26You got to call
18:27the state police.
18:28Are you supposed to help us?
18:31Cletus?
18:33Cletus, how rude.
18:34Now, fellas,
18:34you know I'd love to help him,
18:35but there's nothing I can do
18:36without the sheriff telling me to.
18:37Come on.
18:37What are you talking about?
18:39Cletus?
18:39Cletus?
18:40Come on.
18:41Watch your...
18:47Well,
18:48Uncle Jesse always said
18:49the Lord helps those
18:50who help themselves.
18:51He sure did.
18:53Let's do it.
18:56Well, who am I talking to?
18:57Jake or Jim?
18:59All right, then.
19:00Now, listen good.
19:01You boys are gonna drive
19:03from Atlanta
19:03into Hazard
19:04arriving at exactly
19:06three o'clock tomorrow.
19:08Then,
19:08at exactly
19:09three o'clock,
19:10you hit my bank.
19:12And,
19:13at exactly
19:13three o'clock,
19:14you'll have earned yourselves
19:16ten thousand dollars
19:17for your efforts.
19:18You reckon
19:19old boss found them
19:20renter robbers
19:21in the Yellow Pages?
19:22State police?
19:23This is Sheriff
19:25Roscoe P. Coltrane
19:27calling from
19:28good old Hazard County.
19:30I want you to run a make
19:32on a couple of
19:33dipstick hitting runners.
19:34The license number is...
19:36Jump!
19:54Well, no one can trace this now.
19:56I always did believe
19:57in planning.
19:59Well, so much
20:00for the Duke's plan
20:00to trace the car.
20:02Now what?
20:19Ah, that's too bad.
20:21Ah, this is
20:22Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane.
20:24I'm over
20:24and I'm gone.
20:26What is it?
20:27What'd he say?
20:28Well,
20:29the plates were issued
20:30in Handyville, all right,
20:31but it's a dead number.
20:32They probably stole it
20:33out of a junkyard
20:34or something.
20:35Is the general
20:36in any kind of condition?
20:37Cooter's got most
20:38of the body work done.
20:39It didn't hurt
20:39the engine none.
20:40All right,
20:40because we can't stop now.
20:42We gotta get Roscoe
20:43to put out an APB
20:44on that black suit.
20:45Now, while the boys
20:46were looking for
20:47the wrong car,
20:48the robbers were taking
20:49another look at the bank.
20:55I beg your pardon,
20:56but I was supposed
20:57to meet Sheriff
20:57Roscoe P. Coltrane here.
20:59Oh, he won't be coming in
21:00until it's time
21:01for his free lunch.
21:02Well, that's all right, Daisy.
21:04I'll say to the young lady,
21:06well, well, well, well,
21:08I'll bet that you
21:09are Sheriff Roscoe's intent.
21:12That's right.
21:13Roscoe's what?
21:15I'm Sue Ann Bliss,
21:16the sheriff's fiancé.
21:18And don't tell me,
21:20Roscoe said
21:20the second best-looking
21:21man in town
21:22was boss J.D. Hall.
21:23Oh!
21:23You've got to be here.
21:26Now, how did Roscoe's
21:27eyesight be so good
21:28one minute
21:28and so very terrible
21:29the next?
21:31That was right
21:32calmly, Roscoe,
21:33to say that about me.
21:34Well, it's the truth.
21:35And you sure everything
21:36that he said about you.
21:37Well, thank you.
21:38And more,
21:39much more than I've expected
21:40from the likes of him.
21:42Say, that's right.
21:43You sit over there,
21:44and I sit down right here,
21:46and we'll get acquainted.
21:49Well, that's right
21:50neighborly of you.
21:51Well, honey,
21:52I'm not only
21:53your future brother-in-law.
21:54I'm Roscoe's boss.
21:56He's my employee,
21:57and we...
21:58J.D.
21:59Uh-oh.
22:00Uh, hello.
22:01How are you?
22:02Say, I was just
22:03welcoming our new
22:04sister-in-law
22:04into the family.
22:05By way of what?
22:07And you must be, Lulu.
22:09It is so nice to meet you.
22:10I've heard so many
22:11good things about you.
22:11Oh, my.
22:13Well, you must be
22:14my baby brother's
22:15bride-to-be.
22:17Soon as Roscoe
22:18told me the good news,
22:19I just figured
22:20I'd run right down here
22:21and help with the arrangements.
22:23Now, first of all,
22:23I don't think we'll have
22:24any trouble getting the church.
22:26Church?
22:27The church?
22:27Well, uh-oh.
22:29Sugar Paul,
22:29I figured on having
22:30that wedding right here
22:31at the bull's meeting.
22:33So did I.
22:34Oh, this ain't no place
22:36for my one and only
22:37brother's one and only wedding.
22:39Yeah.
22:40It better be
22:40if the bank to be robbed
22:42is right across the street
22:42from that church.
22:44Will one of you
22:44kindly give me
22:45one good reason why?
22:47Oh, I could give you
22:48a hundred thousand
22:49simoleons why.
22:50Uh, reasons why.
22:52Please, Lulu,
22:53it is my wedding
22:54and I want it here
22:56out in the country.
22:57Yeah, and I'm footing
22:58the bill for the whole
22:58shindig, ain't I?
23:00So I gotta say
23:01where it's gonna be
23:01and I say here
23:02where the air's better.
23:03Well, if you insist...
23:06Oh, right then.
23:07Well, I've got a lot to do.
23:09Yeah.
23:09I better be going.
23:09I've got to get the cake
23:11and the flowers
23:11and the festoons.
23:13You know,
23:13all those decorations.
23:15Oh, you'll do that.
23:19J.T.
23:20Oh, coming, dumpling.
23:22J.T.
23:33Hey, Daisy.
23:33Hey.
23:34You seen Roscoe anywhere?
23:36No, he's due any time,
23:37but fellas,
23:37I gotta tell you something.
23:38This here's Roscoe's intended.
23:41That is?
23:41Yes.
23:42She is a knockout, huh?
23:44I know, I know.
23:45I can understand
23:46why Roscoe is knocked out
23:47by her,
23:47but I can't understand
23:48her being floored
23:49by Roscoe.
23:50You got a point there.
23:52Ooh, ooh, ooh.
23:53Hey, Roscoe,
23:53can we have a word with you?
23:54Oh, listen,
23:55don't bother me now, Bo.
23:57Can't you see
23:57that I'm busy?
23:58Oh, but Roscoe, sweetie pie,
24:00I'd love to meet
24:00all your friends.
24:01Well, and you don't
24:02want to meet them
24:03because they are
24:04the scourge
24:05of Hazard County.
24:06Oh, while they're here,
24:07this is Luke Duke
24:08and Bo Duke.
24:08Please meet you, ma'am.
24:09Nice to meet you, Bo.
24:10How do you do, ma'am?
24:11Why don't you boys
24:11sit down here?
24:12Yes, ma'am.
24:12Congratulations on a happy event.
24:14Oh, thank you.
24:15Where'd y'all meet, anyway?
24:16At a knelt picnic.
24:19You was a blind date
24:20at a picnic.
24:21You know,
24:21we ain't never seen you
24:22around here before.
24:23Where'd Roscoe find you,
24:24anyway?
24:24Raleigh.
24:25Hanleyville.
24:25Uh, Raleigh.
24:27Hanleyville.
24:29What Roscoe meant
24:30was that
24:31I'm from Hanleyville
24:32and we met in Raleigh.
24:33Raleigh, yeah.
24:35Yeah.
24:36You guys just gonna
24:37be loafing around here?
24:38You got some
24:39official business.
24:40That's exactly
24:40what we do have, Roscoe.
24:42Now, you know
24:42them two guys
24:43that hit and run in general?
24:44Yeah, well,
24:44we want you to put out
24:45an APB on them for us.
24:46As a matter of fact,
24:47they're from your neck
24:47of the woods.
24:48They're from Hanleyville.
24:50No kidding.
24:51That's right.
24:51I know.
24:52I bet if we describe them
24:53to her,
24:53she can help us out.
24:54That's possible.
24:54Now, there's two of them,
24:55right?
24:55And they're kind of
24:56dressed up like city slippers.
24:57One's kind of short,
24:58medium height,
24:58and the other guy's
25:00real tall.
25:01Gee, boys,
25:02I'm sorry,
25:03but they just don't
25:03sound like anyone I know.
25:05Well, there's no wonder
25:06with that mishmush description.
25:08They don't sound like
25:09anybody that anybody
25:10ever heard of.
25:11You finish with
25:12your official business.
25:13If you are,
25:14then just scoot on
25:14out of here.
25:15You mean you ain't
25:15gonna do nothing about it?
25:16Well, I will do
25:19something about it
25:20when we get back
25:21from our honeymoon.
25:23It's a pleasure
25:24talking with you, ma'am.
25:25Nice to meet you.
25:26Nice to meet you, ma'am.
25:27Bye-bye.
25:30Speaking of honeymoons,
25:32doesn't it strike
25:32in my strange
25:33cause that that lady
25:35in the car are both
25:36from a one-horse town
25:36like Hanleyville?
25:37Well, it does,
25:38but not quite as strange
25:39as a pretty little girl
25:40like that chasing
25:41after an old nag
25:42like Roscoe.
25:42You got that right.
25:45Lucky dog.
25:46Yeah.
25:48We're figuring Roscoe
25:49just don't add up.
25:50Oh, sir.
25:51You know, I'm getting
25:52one of my famous
25:53gut feelings
25:53that it was more
25:54than a coincidence
25:55that them dudes
25:55showed up right about
25:56the same time
25:57that she did.
25:59There's a little
26:00lady right now.
26:03I'll tell you what,
26:04why don't we just
26:05tag her and see
26:06if there really is
26:07a Hanleyville connection.
26:08You got it.
26:18My friends,
26:19Hazard County
26:19was beginning
26:20to hum like bees
26:21around the honeycomb.
26:22And while Bo and Luke
26:23were checking out
26:24the bride-to-be,
26:25the miners' all-cash payroll
26:26was rolling toward
26:27the bank of Hazard.
26:28Boss's personal bank robbers
26:30were setting out
26:30for Atlanta
26:31to pull the same job
26:32that Sue Ann
26:32and her Confederates
26:33were planning.
26:35Now, did I leave
26:36anything else?
26:56Yeah, looks like
26:57the connection
26:57done been made.
26:59Say, why don't we
27:00just get out
27:00and get a little bit
27:01closer, see if we can't
27:02figure out what it is.
27:07Well, hang in there, honey.
27:09That armored car
27:09ought to be taking
27:10that payroll money
27:11near the bank
27:11about right now.
27:12Everything's gonna
27:13be just great.
27:15Not so great.
27:16Two plowboys,
27:17one blonde
27:17and one brunette.
27:19Well, they've been
27:19asking a lot of questions
27:20and they know
27:21just what you two
27:22look like.
27:22We know who you mean.
27:24Well, we can't afford
27:24any witnesses.
27:25We'll take care of them.
27:27For good.
27:28Yeah, but do you
27:29know where to find them?
27:30If they're driving
27:31an orange car
27:31with an O-1 on it,
27:32we can't.
27:40Well, if that ain't
27:40putting your foot in it,
27:41I'll sell my farm.
27:51Now, has it occurred
27:52to y'all that
27:53Bo and Luke are concerned
27:54about Roscoe being took?
27:56Even though they ain't
27:57exactly friends.
27:58You know, I kind of
27:59like that.
28:00Let's get out of here.
28:01We'll figure out
28:02what it is.
28:04Well, you get back
28:05and have the counter, honey.
28:06We'll take care
28:07of them pow boys.
28:12Well, ain't nobody
28:14named Sue Ann Bliss
28:15in Handyville,
28:16that's for sure.
28:16Well, all that tells us
28:18is either Bliss
28:18ain't her real name
28:20or...
28:21Or else,
28:22Handyville ain't
28:23her hometown.
28:24Yeah, it could be.
28:26Whoa!
28:41You see, we figure
28:42they must have
28:43some kind of scam
28:43going on.
28:44And it don't seem
28:45quite right
28:45to stand at his wedding
28:46and watch something
28:47like that happen.
28:48We ain't invited,
28:49so there ain't nobody
28:50standing at Roscoe's wedding.
28:52Uncle Jesse,
28:52everybody in Hazard's
28:53invited to that wedding.
28:54Well, we's the exception
28:55to the rule.
28:56We ain't been invited.
28:57Well, that'd be in the case.
28:59Whatever he's got himself
29:00into, he can handle it himself.
29:01Yeah, the heck with him.
29:02We'll just take care
29:02than two guys for us.
29:04One wrong
29:04don't make another.
29:05Now, if you boys know
29:06of something wrong
29:07that's gonna happen
29:08to Roscoe,
29:09it's your beholden duty
29:10to tell him about it.
29:12Remember, you're dukes first
29:13and you dislike Roscoe second.
29:17Yes, sir.
29:19Yes, sir, Uncle Jesse.
29:20Get over there, Hazel,
29:21if you want some.
29:25Hey, Cletus,
29:26how you doing?
29:26Hi, guys.
29:27Go over to the sheriff.
29:28He's not in.
29:29It's his wedding day today.
29:30Well, maybe you can help
29:31with some.
29:31Now, me and Bo
29:32got a wager going on
29:33about how Roscoe
29:34and Sue Ann got together.
29:36I'm telling you,
29:36you're wrong.
29:37Now, Cletus,
29:37I say it was a blind date
29:39and he says
29:39it's some elk's picnic.
29:40Now, which is it?
29:41Oh, you're both wrong.
29:42They met through the mail.
29:44I know,
29:44because I've been delivering
29:45to the sheriff
29:45all them pretty smelling
29:46letters you've been getting.
29:47Oh, his desk still smells
29:48so sweet.
29:49Oh, much obliged
29:50for you settling there.
29:51Hey, thanks a lot, Cletus.
29:52I'll think nothing of it.
29:53I got to split.
29:54Gotta get all gussied up
29:54for the wedding.
29:55All right, thanks, Cletus.
29:56Well, we both lost.
30:10I sure feel funny
30:11doing this.
30:14Well, it's for his own good.
30:16Yeah.
30:17Of course, too.
30:25Hey?
30:27Hey, did you look at this?
30:29What you got?
30:29Roscoe met that pretty little filly
30:31at a computer dating service.
30:33Well, I'll be damned, Roscoe.
30:36Oh, rats.
30:37Yeah.
30:38You know, he's so head over here
30:39as in love,
30:39he forgot to open up his mail.
30:41Well, that ain't all he forgot.
30:42Here.
30:43Feast your eyes on that bunch.
30:45Well, ain't that a kick in the tail?
30:47Hey, what do you suppose
30:48they want with Roscoe?
30:49The only thing that makes any sense
30:50is they must put an item
30:52in the paper
30:52and some poor,
30:54lonesome sucker
30:54like Roscoe writes in.
30:56They send him a mail order
30:57bride and take him
30:57for all he's got.
30:58Well, that'd work fine,
30:59except Roscoe ain't got nothing.
31:01Well, they sure were serious
31:02talking about us.
31:03They gotta be after something.
31:04Come on.
31:05Invite or no,
31:06we're going to that wedding
31:07to get some answers.
31:07All right.
31:26Go on.
31:34Go, go, go.
31:36Go, go, go, go, go.
31:39I know we're in a rush, but let's try and get there in one piece, all right?
31:42Luke, I don't know how to tell you these, but I can't slow down.
31:44The brakes ain't working.
32:08I can't stop.
32:12Now, folks, them boys are having more trouble than two stray heifers in a pasture full of bulls.
32:30Whoa! Jump, jump, look out!
32:36All right.
32:38Could be better.
32:40It's pretty sleek driving.
32:41Dang it.
32:59All right, everybody!
33:02All right, folks, settle down now.
33:05The big day is about to begin.
33:08And I sure do mean big day.
33:11Now, boss's bad boys were a hidden hazard, where sometimes things tend to go wrong, even for the bad guys.
33:17All right, folks, now that y'all settle down, we will proceed.
33:23Sand in the groom.
33:48I still say you ain't old enough.
33:50Mama.
33:53Roscoe, next time I catch you dressed all in white, you better be wearing wings and strumming a harp.
34:28Oh, but it's just, I'm...
34:29To join in the holy bonds of matrimony, this here fine couple.
34:35My baby.
34:44Shoot.
34:46Brake line's been cut.
34:50Well, dang carburetor's all jammed.
35:23We still gotta get to that wedding.
35:23And then, Roscoe P. Coltrane, is your lawfully wedded husband?
35:29I did.
35:38You remember what I said about things going wrong?
35:42And do you, Roscoe, take this here woman, Sue Ann Bliss, to be...
35:46I do.
35:46That's it.
35:47To be your devoted wife.
35:50Now.
35:51I do.
35:52I really do.
35:53I just...
36:10Well, with everybody at the wedding, the bank's just a sitting duck on an egg full of money.
36:16Unless, of course, the Duke boys can stop them.
36:20Therefore, with the powers vested in me as justice of the piece of Hazard County, I now pronounce
36:26you, Roscoe, and you, Sue Ann, man and wife.
36:45And so, Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane, the last of the red-hot bachelors, got hitched.
36:51And many a maiden cried that night.
37:17Hey, General Lee's never looked so cute.
37:20Hey, boy.
37:21I'm afraid the general ate a little hay.
37:24Well, isn't that what he's supposed to be doing?
37:26Yeah.
37:27Well, ain't got time right now for all the details, Uncle Jesse.
37:30Turns out me and Bo is right.
37:32What?
37:33See, these three people here, they're out to milk somebody,
37:36and for some reason or another, Roscoe P. Coltrane is the goat.
37:38This here don't tell us what they are, but it does tell us who they are.
37:41Well, that's her, all right.
37:43Well, let's don't stand here gabbing.
37:45Let's get this in and show it to Roscoe.
37:47Yes, sir.
37:47He'll be wanting to know what's going on.
37:50Now, don't start off till I get in.
38:12Hey, Cletus, where's Roscoe?
38:14Going on in Huntersman, of course.
38:16I can get back to guarding the bank and that special cash payroll.
38:18Special cash payroll?
38:19Yeah, can't leave it alone too long.
38:21Too big a temptation.
38:22The bank.
38:23What about the bank?
38:25We got a feeling somebody's robbing it.
38:27Oh, somebody's robbing my bank?
38:29Yeah.
38:29My goodness sakes.
38:31There are a couple of friends here at Sue Ann's.
38:32It would be a bit surprised if they were ripping off your bank while she got you busy here.
38:35What?
38:35What do you see?
38:37Oh!
38:38Everybody!
38:39My bank!
38:39My bank's being robbed!
38:41Back to town!
38:42I dipped the ties each and every one of you!
38:44Come on, everybody!
38:45Help me save my bank!
38:47Come on!
38:47Save your bank!
38:48It's game time!
38:57Mrs. Roscoe B. Coltrane.
38:59Oh, we're alone at last.
39:03If you like, honey, why don't we just pull over and park?
39:06We pull over and park?
39:09You mean you and me?
39:11See, I booked a room.
39:16Oh, look at those beautiful orange flowers over there.
39:19Why don't we pull over and you can pick me, Mom?
39:23Uh, pull over and pick you one?
39:25Yes.
39:27Right over there.
39:28Oh, those, well, I guess we got a little time.
39:32I'll just ease her off the road here a little bit and we'll get the door through the door.
39:38Oh, I love it, I love it.
39:39Oh, aren't they beautiful?
39:42Well, I know they're beautiful, but I mean, if you could just, uh, you know, uh...
39:47Hey, have you ever seen such flowers?
39:49Well, they're pretty, all right.
39:50Those are, those are the, those are the nice...
39:54Matt, hurry!
39:55Matt, what's up, Tim?
39:59Oh, no!
40:02Oh, no!
40:03Oh, no!
40:04Oh, no!
40:06Oh, no!
40:07Oh, no!
40:10Friends and neighbors, I think this marriage is off to a rocky start.
40:28This is Coltrane.
40:30Hello, Mrs. McGraw.
40:50Sure hope we're on the right road.
40:51We are.
40:52There's his car.
41:04Roscoe, are you all right?
41:05I'll knock you in the middle of this.
41:06Take it easy.
41:08It's us.
41:08It's us.
41:09You're all right.
41:1028 of them.
41:11The big hairy one.
41:12And they've got two ants and they kidnapped her.
41:15Calm down, Roscoe.
41:16We'll take care of it, all right?
41:17We'll go after them in a jeep.
41:18The one?
41:18Come on.
41:19No, listen.
41:20None's got kids.
41:20What are you?
41:21What are you?
41:22Ah, Luke, the dang thing must have flooded out when we came up the hill.
41:25Dang it.
41:26Well, we've got to take Roscoe's car, then.
41:27Well, listen.
41:28Come on, Roscoe.
41:29Hop in here.
41:30All right.
41:31Get a nice, smooth ride.
41:33Listen.
41:34We'll have to take it across country.
41:35That way, maybe we can cut them off.
41:37You think it'll hire me?
41:38Come on.
41:39Oh, listen.
41:52Oh, those moldy, mangy wife snatchers.
41:56If I, I'm sick, I'm sick.
41:58Just hold on a second, Roscoe.
41:59We ain't quite sure how to break this to you, but there's a pretty good chance that you ain't married
42:03to nobody.
42:04What do you mean, there's a chance I ain't married to Sue Ann?
42:07That's right, Roscoe.
42:09Yeah, shoot.
42:10Go ahead and show them the poster, Luke.
42:11What poster?
42:12Yeah, I think you're right.
42:13Well, what are you boys talking about?
42:14It's to hurt a little bit now, but a lot more later on.
42:17What is it?
42:18Now, them two guys, they're probably the ones that stuffed you in the trunk.
42:20And chances are pretty good, her name being the same and all, that she's married to the one of them.
42:24Yeah, she took you real, real good, Roscoe.
42:26You know, all the times she had you thinking you was marrying her, they was out robbing the dang bank.
42:30You gotta admit, though, it's quite a good scam.
42:32Oh, yo, hush, hush.
42:33You're lying.
42:34You boys are lying.
42:35You just lie to me all the time.
42:36Roscoe, there ain't a Duke alive ever lied to you, and you know it.
42:39Oh, yeah?
42:40Now, how about that one time?
42:41If you think any different, then you're just lying to yourself.
42:44If you ain't lying to me, then that means that Sue Ann isn't lying to me, right?
42:51That's right, Roscoe.
42:52Well, listen, uh, Luke and me is real sorry.
42:55You gotta believe that.
42:58Well, I am, too.
43:00You know, I, I, I, I, I, Mama, well, Mama, she said that, uh, I was too young to get
43:10married anyway.
43:11Should you, didn't you?
43:12You know, Luke, at this rate, we ain't never gonna beat him to the county line.
43:14Hey, we sure would have a chance, though, if we cut across the dry riverbed, right down
43:18by, uh, Cross Creek Road.
43:20We sure can.
43:24Listen, can't we go a different direction?
43:30Hang on, Flash.
43:46By the time we hit that blacktop, we ought to be close to the county line.
43:56There's a white car up ahead.
43:59Go for it.
44:00Let's check it out.
44:11Hey, that's great.
44:12It's got a kick being on the other side for a change.
44:15Will you push?
44:19Oh, no, step on it.
44:21Yee-hoo!
44:28Well, Lucas, they ain't slowin' down.
44:30Uh-huh.
44:35Oh, they're serious.
44:40They're serious.
44:45We're on the road, Bo.
44:47Now, since we're all legal-like, let's go whole hog here.
44:53Hey, that's tear gas.
44:54Let's see if you can get him off the road.
44:55Now, hang on, Roscoe.
44:57Ooh!
45:10All right!
45:16All right, come on.
45:18Oh, man!
45:20Come on, man.
45:20Come on, man.
45:22Come on, man.
45:30You really played me for a fool, didn't you, Sue Ann?
45:33I'm sorry.
45:34I really am, Roscoe.
45:36Not for what I did, but because I did it to you.
45:48You really are kind of cute.
45:52So old Roscoe had to be content with makin' a little history.
45:55He was the only annulment in the court of Hazard County.
45:57They even had to look it up.
45:59Now, Mama Coltrane didn't have to jump off from no high buildings.
46:02Moss got his payroll money back all right, but it did cost him.
46:05The Duke boys hit him for a reward of exactly what it cost to fix the general up.
46:09And if y'all think Roscoe's wedding with some, hmm, you ought to see what happens on a hazard honeymoon.
46:16Come on, Jesse.
46:29Let's go.
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