- 1 day ago
First broadcast 21st November 1977.
The Ropers 'celebrate' their twenty-fourth wedding anniversary with an exchange of gifts.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Richard Coleman - Charles Newman
Robert Gillespie - Dt. Sgt. Burke
Bill Rourke - Dt. Cons. Mills
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
The Ropers 'celebrate' their twenty-fourth wedding anniversary with an exchange of gifts.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Richard Coleman - Charles Newman
Robert Gillespie - Dt. Sgt. Burke
Bill Rourke - Dt. Cons. Mills
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00The End
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00Wakey-wakey time, George.
01:19Oh, my God.
01:20Come on.
01:21Come on, wake up.
01:23Come on.
01:25Otherwise, I'll pour hot tea right down your ear.
01:27Oh, my God.
01:31What does it say?
01:32Tea, George.
01:34And crumpet.
01:36What?
01:37Oh, oh, yeah.
01:38What's the time?
01:4011 o'clock.
01:40Oh, you know I like to sleep late on Sunday.
01:42Oh, George.
01:44Not today.
01:45It's a special day, George.
01:47It's our wedding anniversary.
01:4924 years.
01:50Oh, yeah.
01:51Oh, George.
01:56Wake up.
01:58I've got something for you.
01:59Oh, not now, Mildy.
02:00It's too early.
02:03This.
02:04Oh, what is it?
02:06It's something, George, that might make you a little more masculine.
02:09I'm not going back on them pills again.
02:11Oh, no.
02:13Oh, see.
02:14Oh, yes.
02:15It's a wife's name.
02:15It's a pipe.
02:16Yeah.
02:16And some tobacco.
02:17Oh, yeah.
02:18Ready rubbed.
02:20Yes.
02:22Well, very nice, I'm sure.
02:24So.
02:24Did you say 24 years?
02:29Yes, George.
02:30Oh, it seems longer than that.
02:32Pass the sugar, will you?
02:34George, I don't suppose you remember to buy me one, did you?
02:38I didn't know you wanted a pipe.
02:39Oh.
02:42An anniversary present.
02:44Well, that's where you could be wrong, Mildred.
02:45For all you know, I may have bought you something.
02:47I may have put it in the wardrobe, nicely wrapped.
02:49George, did you?
02:50No, I didn't.
02:50Oh.
02:53Now, I'll put it under the bed.
02:54Here.
02:55Oh, George, you did remember.
02:58Well, you talked about nothing else in the last six weeks.
03:01It's only a clock.
03:02Oh, it's a carriage.
03:05Oh, George, it's lovely.
03:07Yeah, it cost me ten quid, that did.
03:09Yeah.
03:10Is that all?
03:12I got off with a fellow in a pub, retired antique dealer.
03:15He was clearing out the last of his stock because he was emigrating.
03:17Yes, well.
03:19Oh, George, it's lovely.
03:22You deserve a kiss.
03:24What?
03:24Mm-hmm.
03:25Ow, George.
03:25Mm-hmm.
03:27Let's go.
03:34All right.
03:35300 miles of silence is enough.
03:37Let's have it.
03:38When you said winter holiday, I thought you meant skiing.
03:43Can't go skiing with golf clubs, Anne.
03:46It throws you off balance.
03:48Oh.
03:49Tristram enjoyed himself.
03:52I mean, you enjoyed taking the flag out of the hole for me, didn't you?
03:55I'll be glad to get back to school.
03:57Well, I thought you'd like learning to play golf.
04:15Well, I might, if you didn't criticise.
04:18I'm standing all wrong, my grip's all wrong, I'm not holding my head properly.
04:22And that's just when I'm carrying your golf bag.
04:25It was boring.
04:26You wouldn't let me dig holes in the sand.
04:28Certainly not.
04:29You did.
04:32All right, all right.
04:33The holiday's over.
04:35Let's talk about something more pleasant.
04:38Like the gas bill, the electricity bill, the rates.
04:42I'll tell you what, soldier, next year we'll do something you like.
04:48How do you feel about salmon fishing?
04:50Boring.
04:56Oh, Geoffrey.
04:58Good grief.
05:03We've been burglar-ing.
05:10There you are, you see.
05:11Your daddy brought that for your mummy.
05:15Yeah, I see what you mean, Mildred.
05:17It does give me a certain panache.
05:19Here.
05:20Who's this to remind you of?
05:2213 years of Tory misrule.
05:25Mikey Arwood.
05:26Yeah, that's right.
05:28Well, I could get to like this.
05:31Of course, I'll still roll my own occasionally.
05:33Yes, of course.
05:38Yeah, I did try a pipe before, Mildred, when I was younger.
05:40You got caught in a tube doorway at Oxford Circus.
05:43I'll never saw it again.
05:46It suits you, George.
05:47Yeah.
05:47Well, apart from that, it's just better for your health.
05:52Yes, exactly.
05:53You know, Mr. Four Mile next door sometimes smokes a pipe.
05:59Oh, I see what this is all about.
06:01It's a middle-class image, isn't it?
06:03Well, let me tell you, I could smoke one of these and still remain working class.
06:05Yes, I can see that, George.
06:08Oh, by the way, I think they're back from Scotland.
06:10How do you know?
06:10The wall's warm.
06:11I think they've turned the central heating on.
06:13Oh.
06:14George, do you think you could puff at it gently?
06:18I mean, you're not trying to screen a convoy.
06:20I thought pipe smoke got women going.
06:22Well, even if it did, I couldn't find you.
06:26Oh, dear, oh, dear.
06:28Oh, it's true.
06:29I see it on the telly.
06:30Tell you, one whiff of this and they're chasing you down the street.
06:32Oh.
06:33Oh, you open that window, they'll be near like flies.
06:35Oh, don't be ridiculous.
06:37George?
06:38Hmm?
06:38There's a police car drawing up.
06:40Yeah, well, they may be needed.
06:41But they're looking at this house.
06:45Eh?
06:45Have you paid the television licence?
06:47Of course I have.
06:48Years ago.
06:49Oh.
06:50It's that dog.
06:51You haven't got a licence for her.
06:52Well, I didn't mean to, George, but...
06:54Yeah, well, they've probably been round with the detector van.
06:57Oh, no, it's all right.
06:58They're going up the four miles path.
07:01God, I wonder why.
07:02I mean, they never...
07:05Detector van?
07:06Yes, they broke the glass and reached in.
07:12Don't know why they bothered.
07:14They could have forced that lock with the butterfly's wings.
07:18Well, I didn't expect criminals to come through the back garden.
07:20Can't they see the lawn's just been seeded?
07:22They're not all garden lovers, sir.
07:24Just as well, in a way.
07:26They might have nicked your greenhouse.
07:31We never used to have crime in this area.
07:34It's that, er, it's that new council estate.
07:36Really?
07:37It's probably an Aladdin's cave down there.
07:39Search the houses.
07:40Do you know where it is?
07:41Just down the road from...
07:41I do know it, sir.
07:43I live there.
07:46Oh, well, erm, I'm not saying they're all criminals.
07:49Very broad-minded, obviously, sir.
07:52You got that, Mills?
07:53Keep an eye out for working-class fingerprints.
07:56Will do.
07:57Well, I've checked through the kitchen,
07:58and the only thing missing there is an egg whisk.
08:00Looks like the work of the omelette gang.
08:02But I may have lent that to our next-door neighbour.
08:05Oh, yes, you don't happen to know
08:06if they've been turned over as well, do you?
08:08Shouldn't think so.
08:09They haven't got anything worth stealing.
08:11Still, it might be worth talking to them.
08:13I've never found it so.
08:16Not your sort, eh, sir?
08:18More your council estate type, no doubt.
08:21I'd better have a word, though.
08:23Meanwhile, if you could complete your list
08:25of what's missing, madam.
08:28That man is obsessed with class.
08:37Hello.
08:38Who've we got here, then?
08:39I'm a carp from the 47th precinct.
08:42Ah, folly.
08:44Perhaps you can assist me on this case.
08:47We'll catch the criminals together, eh?
08:49All right, but I'm not allowed to cross the road.
08:52Well, I'll do that part.
08:55What's the first thing we should do, Sergeant?
08:57Captain.
08:58Captain.
09:00Well, I think we should jump in the car
09:04and chase after them with a siren going.
09:07Right.
09:08Then you can leap out and arrest them single-handed.
09:11How's that?
09:13See, I'm not really a policeman.
09:15Oh, well, it's nice pretending, though, isn't it?
09:20You mean you're not really a policeman, either?
09:25Ah.
09:27No, I'll hazard a guess why the police are there, Mildred.
09:30Oh, it's probably a mistake, George.
09:31No, he's been up to something.
09:33I mean, I'm not one to make wild accusations,
09:35but did they ever catch all the train robbers?
09:37You ask yourself that, then...
09:39Oh!
09:39Oh, fuck, George!
09:41Oh!
09:42Oh!
09:43Oh, George!
09:44Oh!
09:46Really?
09:50You're frightening the dog!
09:55George?
09:56Oh!
09:56It's one of those policemen.
09:58They've come here.
09:59Well, just so you remember, he's your dog.
10:01Oh, dear.
10:02Oh!
10:03Oh!
10:03Oh!
10:03Good morning.
10:11Mrs. Roper, is it?
10:13Yes.
10:14Detective Sergeant Burke, CID.
10:15Could I have a word?
10:17Yeah.
10:17Yes, of course.
10:18Come in.
10:20Look, I mean, she's only just over six months old,
10:23and, I mean, I have been meaning to get a licence.
10:25Well, I don't deal with dog licences myself, madam.
10:27Oh.
10:27I'll leave that to the Chief Superintendent.
10:31Oh, good.
10:32Would you like to go in?
10:34That's it.
10:36And, er, this is my husband, Mr. Roper.
10:39Oh, yeah.
10:40How do you do?
10:41Morning, sir.
10:42Oh, God!
10:43Oh, dear.
10:45Yes.
10:46Um, I believe you're acquainted with the Four Miles.
10:48Er, yes.
10:49Oh, such a nice class of person.
10:52Quite.
10:53Um, er, well, there's been a break in and entering.
10:56Oh, yeah, and you reckon he did it, eh?
10:57Yeah, well, it wouldn't surprise me, that.
10:59No, no, no, no, sir, no.
11:01Into their premises.
11:02Oh!
11:03Oh, what do you mean?
11:04They've been burgled?
11:05Oh!
11:08Oh, that'd teach you to go on winter holidays, won't it?
11:11George!
11:12There you go.
11:13Oh, do please sit down.
11:15Er, I must apologise for my husband.
11:17And it's his nervous reaction to any bad news.
11:20He, er, laughs.
11:22Oh, no, it's a shame, though, isn't it?
11:24I mean, they've got a lot of nice possessions next door, haven't they?
11:28Well, they did have, didn't they?
11:30Er, yes.
11:32Um, I don't suppose you're missing anything, are you, madam?
11:35Well, I...
11:36Oh, no, er, no.
11:38Er, not us, no, no.
11:41Have you seen any strangers in the area recently?
11:44Strangers?
11:45Oh, yeah, come to think of it, there was one.
11:47Tall, thin fellow, little moustache.
11:49Ah, tall, thin...
11:51Little moustache, yeah.
11:52He went up their path next door.
11:54Did you notice the colour of his hair, sir?
11:56Well, that's a bit difficult.
11:57He had his helmet on.
12:02No, sir, I'm not interested in my constable.
12:06Anybody else?
12:07Madam?
12:08Oh, no.
12:09No, I don't know anything about it at all.
12:11No, I haven't seen anybody.
12:12I haven't heard anybody, no, nothing at all.
12:14Will I be called to give evidence?
12:16I doubt it, madam.
12:18What a shock.
12:20I mean, poor...
12:21Oh, I must go and have a word.
12:24Oh, unless you like me to, er, continue to help you with your inquiries.
12:28Continue?
12:29Er, no, thank you.
12:30Oh.
12:31Oh, well, er, excuse me.
12:34Now, sir, have you heard any unusual noises during the past few days?
12:38Oh, what do you mean, like footprints, whispering, glass smashing, that sort of thing?
12:42Yes, sir.
12:43No, no, I haven't heard anything.
12:48Oh, it was such a shock, Anne.
12:50I mean, if there's anything at all I can do to help.
12:53Well, that's very kind of you, no.
12:54Well, I can't get over the nerve of them.
12:56I mean, breaking in, rummaging around, turning the place upside down as if they were VAT inspectors.
13:01Have you lost much?
13:04Well, I lost a bit of jewellery, some earrings, oh, and Geoffrey's best cufflinks and your electric razor.
13:08We'll never see any of it again.
13:10They sell it down in the market or in the pubs.
13:12The one thing that upset us, they took Geoffrey's mother's wedding present.
13:16An antique carriage clock.
13:20Oh.
13:21Oh.
13:23Went down the wrong way.
13:27Carriage clock, hmm?
13:28It was insured for $150, but I think it was worth more.
13:31We'll never see it again.
13:58Tell me something.
14:10How long do the police sort of, well, keep a crime on their files if it's not solved?
14:15What sort of crime, sir?
14:18Stealing cigarette cards.
14:19Well, now, that depends.
14:25Was there any violence involved?
14:28Any GBH?
14:31Any shooters?
14:32Well, no, it's just that he or she nicked them from a school satchel, see, and it's been playing on his mind.
14:38Or hers.
14:41Did he or she leave any clues?
14:45Well, only a note.
14:46The hooded terror strikes again.
14:48Oh, yes.
14:51Yes, I recall the case.
14:53Eh?
14:55It was the one regret of Sir Robert Mark that he had to retire with that one unsolved.
15:01George, I want a word with you.
15:03Oh, you're still here.
15:07Er, good.
15:09Not for long, madam.
15:10I must be on my way.
15:11Oh, all right, I'll see you out.
15:13No, I won't.
15:14Um, no, George will.
15:16George.
15:16Oh, oh, all right.
15:18Thank you for your help, madam.
15:25Hey, er, you don't really remember the case, do you?
15:28What, the hooded terror and the cigarette cards?
15:30Oh, yes.
15:31For a long time, we suspected Ronald Biggs.
15:36Well, what you've told me throws a new light on the matter.
15:39Goodbye, son.
15:40Oh, I'll show you.
15:41Oh, and, um, don't leave the country without letting us know.
15:45He knows all about you nicking those cigarette cards.
15:53What?
15:54Oh, George, we've got more important things.
15:55Now, this clock.
15:57Tell me about the man who sold it to you.
15:59Well, he was in a pub.
16:00I know, a retired antique dealer, but what did he look like?
16:03Well, a little fellow with a twitch, cap and muffler.
16:06Needed a shave.
16:07He didn't have a bag marked swag, did he?
16:10Well, I don't think so.
16:12Oh, you think he may have dropped off the back of a lorry?
16:13No, George, I think he might have stolen it.
16:16Oh, well, that's the way of the world, isn't it, Mildred?
16:18I mean, that price.
16:20George, has it never crossed your mind who it might have been stolen from?
16:25Eh?
16:27Do you think there's much chance of getting any of it back?
16:29Possibly, madam.
16:30We're always recovering stolen property, watches, jewellery, cigarette cards.
16:37Cigarette cards?
16:38I may have a lead on the hooded terror.
16:41The what?
16:42Never mind.
16:43Thank you for your help, madam.
16:45We'll be in touch.
16:46Oh.
16:47Right, thanks.
16:47Bye.
16:54I can't wait till Monday.
16:56I'm the only boy in my class who's been burglaried.
16:59Hmm.
17:00Well, let's hope we get a house point for it.
17:02The class have been very good burglaries.
17:04He didn't take my action, man.
17:06Well, I expect he fought them off.
17:07Well, there's one good thing about it.
17:10At least we were insured.
17:11I renewed the policy last m...
17:12At least I think I...
17:15Oh, good grief.
17:17I can't seem to keep it going, Mildred.
17:25Yes, that's always been your trouble, George.
17:29Aren't you worried at all?
17:30Well, we don't know.
17:31It's their clock.
17:32Oh, look, Anne described it to me.
17:34Theirs had a white face, Roman numerals.
17:37Ours had a white face, Roman numerals, a little handle on top.
17:40Theirs were stolen last week.
17:42You bought ours last week from some scruff in a pub.
17:45What do you mean, ours?
17:46It's yours.
17:46Well, you bought it for me.
17:48I think I may have the answer, Mildred.
17:50What?
17:50I put less tobacco in the bowl.
17:51Oh, George.
17:54They will...
17:54They will have you for receiving stolen goods.
17:58Oh, no, they wouldn't do that, would they?
17:59Well, how will they find out?
18:00I'll tell them, unless you start taking this thing seriously.
18:03Well, I'll tell you what.
18:05We'll get rid of it.
18:05How's that?
18:06We'll give it to your mother for Christmas.
18:08You'd do that, wouldn't you?
18:10Well, if she gets caught, she can plead insanity.
18:12They believe her.
18:14I mean, it's a family heirloom, George.
18:17We've got to give it back to the four miles.
18:19Oh, yeah, then they get done for receiving.
18:20It belongs to them.
18:22You know, we've got to take it back tomorrow, George.
18:25We've got to tell them, quite frankly,
18:27that you bought it for a fraction of its value
18:30from a complete stranger in a pub.
18:34I don't even believe it myself.
18:36Well, why don't we leave it on their doorstep?
18:38Oh, lovely, yeah.
18:38Then it will end up on the milkman's mantelpiece.
18:41Couldn't we sneak it back without them noticing?
18:43Oh, George, really?
18:45That is the most ridiculous...
18:47Oh.
18:49Sit down, Charles.
18:50Thanks.
18:51Do you know, for a dreadful moment yesterday,
18:52I thought that I hadn't renewed the policy.
18:54No such luck, I'm afraid.
18:56You're fully covered for everything by earthquakes.
18:58I suppose it was a burglary, not an earthquake.
19:00Definitely.
19:01Here's the list.
19:01It's probably too early for a sherry.
19:04Yeah, probably.
19:05Medium or dry?
19:06Dry, please.
19:09You've got it quite lightly.
19:12You're claiming £20 for an electric razor?
19:14It had great sentimental value.
19:16Our money has great sentimental value, too.
19:19They might agree to £15.
19:20Oh, well.
19:20That's twice what I paid for it.
19:22That's great.
19:23Only joking.
19:25Oh, thank you.
19:26Ah, yes.
19:30Twelve sherry glasses.
19:31Great, sir.
19:32Cheers.
19:33Cheers.
19:34Ah.
19:34That may be Anne.
19:35Excuse me.
19:36All right.
19:42Oh, hello, Mr. Four Mile.
19:45It's me, Mildred, from next door.
19:49And this is my husband.
19:52George.
19:53Mr and Mrs Roper.
19:54Yes.
19:54What can I do for you?
19:55Well, George thought he'd ought to call round and express his sympathy about what's happened,
20:00you know.
20:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:01That's right, yeah.
20:02Oh, thank you.
20:03Yes, it could have been worse.
20:04Oh, yeah, it could have been ours.
20:05Quite.
20:07Is that all?
20:08No.
20:09He felt that...
20:10George felt that he ought to come round and express his sympathy to Anne as well.
20:15Your wife.
20:16She's not in.
20:17Oh, good.
20:18George, do you think we might come in and wait?
20:21What?
20:21Oh, yes, yes, I suppose so.
20:22Oh, thank you.
20:23Do you need me, Mildred?
20:24Yes, I do.
20:26Um, will she belong?
20:27I shouldn't think so.
20:28She's just gone down to the police station.
20:29Charles?
20:33Uh, this is, um, uh, uh, Neighbours.
20:38No.
20:39Charles Newman of the Scottish Widows.
20:40Oh, sorry to hear that.
20:44It's an insurance company.
20:45Oh, I see.
20:46Oh, I see.
20:47Oh, I see.
20:47Sit down, George.
20:49Sit.
20:50You don't mind if we carry on?
20:52Good.
20:53Some form-fitting, I'm afraid, Geoffrey.
20:54Rather a bore.
20:56If you could copy your list into, um, this column.
20:59With your estimate of the value on the right there.
21:01That's it.
21:03Electric razor.
21:04Fifteen pounds.
21:06Uh, sherry glasses.
21:07We ought to get away with that valuation.
21:09Cufflinks.
21:11Solid gold, obviously.
21:12Oh, go on, we'll try it.
21:14This next one's a bit tricky.
21:16Yeah, hard to put a value on it.
21:18Ah, the carriage clock.
21:19Right.
21:19Oh, I was stretching me legs.
21:25Well, it is an antique.
21:26Our mother had it valued at 150 pounds.
21:28That was a few years ago.
21:34Right, well, allowing for inflation, shall we say?
21:38Well, I don't think we will wait for Anne.
21:40What?
21:40No, no, no, sit down.
21:41She said we'll be back by 12.
21:43Ah.
21:44Can't stay too long myself.
21:46Is that the right time?
21:48Well, maybe a bit fast, but good heavens.
21:51Yeah, I don't think we will wait.
21:53What on earth is this doing here?
21:54Oh, isn't it strange how something can be right under your nose
21:58and you don't, you, you just don't see it.
22:01Geoffrey, marvellous news.
22:03Oh, hello, Mildred, Mr. Roper.
22:05Hello.
22:05Hello, Anne.
22:06This will please you too.
22:07We've got some of our stuff back.
22:08We have?
22:09Hmm, they caught two teenagers, public schoolboys from the private estate.
22:13Ah.
22:13Sergeant Burke said be sure and tell you that.
22:16We've got your cufflinks, my earrings, your electric razor.
22:21It's just like Christmas.
22:22And best of all, your mother's clock.
22:25Oh.
22:27What?
22:28Aye?
22:29Oh, yes, you're quite right.
22:30It is a fine piece.
22:33Yeah, but just a minute, hang on a minute.
22:34Isn't that your clock?
22:36What, this?
22:36Good Lord, no, I don't buy rubbish like this.
22:39Rubbish?
22:39Yes, made in Hong Kong.
22:41Cost a bed of fiver down the market.
22:44Fiver?
22:44Well, it cost me ten.
22:46It's yours?
22:47Yeah.
22:49Well, yes, you see, I brought it round because, well, I thought you might like to borrow it,
22:53seeing as you've lost yours, but obviously you wouldn't want to.
22:57I mean, not cheap Hong Kong rubbish like that.
23:01Give me that.
23:02Excuse us.
23:05Neighbours.
23:07And take that filthy thing out of your mouth.
23:09Oh.
Comments