- 17 minutes ago
Herman goes away on a tropical vacation. He meets supermodel Aurora doing a shoot. Jay and Louise show up unexpectedly. Their fighting keeps interrupting Herman.
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00:00I have an announcement.
00:02News Update magazine needs source material on the former Soviet Union.
00:06Now this work has to be done over the weekend.
00:10Any volunteers?
00:15Thank you, Herman.
00:19Mr. Bracken, I'm going to Martinique tonight, remember?
00:22Mr. Bracken, I'd love nothing more than to help you out.
00:25Wait a minute.
00:27We're taking a weekend off and Hedy's going to be here scoring points with a boss?
00:31No, we are canceling this trip.
00:33Hey, but you said we could go.
00:34Well, who would you rather score points with, Bracken or these young lovelies?
00:43Well, maybe a little vacation could help our productivity.
00:49You see, always use visual aids.
00:53This city is exciting.
00:55Dangerous.
00:58Troubled.
01:00That woman's not wearing underwear.
01:02Is that all you can think about?
01:04Food and sex?
01:05Yes.
01:06Please, focus.
01:08Look out!
01:15Hey, Jack!
01:16No time for small talk.
01:20We're late.
01:21Hedy, hold the elevator.
01:23Hedy!
01:29I think Louise is so sweet.
01:34I think this woman is wearing underwear.
01:37I think there's too many people in this elevator.
01:39And I think you are all idiots.
01:41That's gonna work!
01:42Bo-oo!
01:44Wo-oo!
01:44Bo-oo!
01:45Bo-oo!
01:45Yeah!
01:46Bo-oo!
01:47Bo-oo!
01:47Bo-oo!
01:48Da-ba-do!
01:49Na-di-a!
01:51Da-da!
01:51Hey, Haram. Hey, Weezy.
02:08Hey, J-Bo.
02:09Hey.
02:10So, it's your turn to decide what we're doing tonight, so what are we doing?
02:13I don't know. Let's just do what we do every Friday.
02:15But we did that last Friday.
02:16Yes, I know, Louise. By definition, if we do it every Friday, we did it last Friday.
02:19So I'd like to do it again this Friday.
02:21I mean, J-Louise, why don't you guys just go away?
02:24Go away? Nice job. Fine.
02:27No, no, no. I'm talking about getting out of town.
02:31You know, maybe you wouldn't bicker so much if you had a change of scenery.
02:35Just go away somewhere, like I'm doing.
02:38I think this vacation's a bad idea. The plane could crash.
02:41There could be a bloody revolution on the island.
02:43We could get tan lines.
02:46We're going on this vacation.
02:48No, we're not. You see this?
02:50Yeah.
02:50Once again, visual aid.
02:59Maybe Herman's right. Where should we go?
03:01Hey, you know where I think you should go.
03:02No, no, no. We don't need to tell us where to go.
03:04We've got where to go by ourselves, okay?
03:08I'm drawing a blank. Where should we go?
03:12Teddy, you haven't put the major exports in italics.
03:15I'll do it when the file's all done.
03:17Well, how can you stand to look at it like that?
03:19I'll just have to tough it out.
03:23I'm just saying it might be fun to get a little exercise on our vacation.
03:26Being in Aspen is exercise.
03:28Bellyboarding at Slippy's Water Village is a staph infection waiting to happen.
03:32Come on, let's go.
03:37Oh, wait! We are not going away until we help our friends settle this.
03:41Wait a minute. Why do you want to stay here and listen to this bickering?
03:44Because when people are fighting, I feel compelled to help.
03:47Well, listen, I hear an island right near Martinique is about to have a coup.
03:51You can help them.
03:55I just hope we're not abducted by a taxi driver
03:57and ritually slaughtered for some bizarre island religion.
04:04I'm just saying.
04:06I said no!
04:07Well, I'm out of here. See you next week, guys.
04:10The hotel suite is only $12 a night.
04:12Jay, I'm not going to Atlantic City.
04:14Plus, they have free shrimp cocktail.
04:15Not the little shrimp, either. The medium-sized shrimp.
04:17No, no, no!
04:18So you're saying no?
04:19Oh, Mr. Bracken, you have to stop being so anal.
04:23This is my best feature.
04:25Well, move your best feature out of my chair.
04:27Don't you touch me.
04:29So long, guys.
04:30Tell me if I can get you in for half price.
04:31I don't want to see orangutan.
04:33No, no. The pincher is everything here.
04:35The pincher is everything.
04:37I hate these mushy goodbyes.
04:44Oh, wow.
04:51This place is perfect.
04:53You see, I told you, there's nothing to be upset about.
04:57What about the time we accidentally walked in on Grandma Brooks using a shower massage?
05:03That has nothing to do with this vacation.
05:06Maybe not, but it still haunts me.
05:10Why the hell didn't she lock the door?
05:20Hi.
05:21Could I use your telephone?
05:24Dial away, sweetheart.
05:27Have I got a connection for you.
05:29Just remember to dial nine first.
05:39Use anything you want.
05:41I'm locked out of my room, so I just need the phone.
05:45But, uh, if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.
05:48Woo-hoo!
05:55Quick!
05:56Somebody throw a shawl over his head so he can't see!
05:59Oh, I'm set.
06:04Thanks.
06:04Uh, anytime. I'm Herman.
06:06I'm Aurora.
06:07A supermodel Aurora.
06:09Oh, I admire your body.
06:12Good work.
06:15So, how do you like being a model?
06:17Well, I enjoy the work, but when you're on location, it gets a little lonely.
06:22Oh, right. She's lonely.
06:24All right, here's our come-on line.
06:25And, um, let's ask her if she wants to have sweaty, wild, screaming dingo sex.
06:33Polish that up for me, will ya?
06:36Maybe we could get together for a drink.
06:37Oh, I'd love to.
06:39I'm doing a shoot on the beach at sunset.
06:42Why don't you come watch, and we'll go from there.
06:44Well, that sounds like a plan to me.
06:46Hey, there he is! We found him!
06:48Hey!
06:49Hey!
06:49I didn't know you were here with friends.
06:53Neither did I.
06:56You were right, Herman. We did need to get away.
06:58And this is the only place it would do?
07:01Well, we figured if you came here, it must be great.
07:04And, luckily for me, Salty Sam's casino and conference room was fully booked.
07:09Aurora, these are my friends Louise.
07:11Hi, nice to meet you.
07:12And Jay.
07:13Hi, how are you?
07:14Oh, Herman, I have to go get the key to my bungalow, so I'll see you tonight.
07:26Excuse me.
07:27Sure.
07:29God, Herman, you're here for an hour? You got a supermodel in your room?
07:34Not that I envy you.
07:37Because I have my own little supermodel right here.
07:41Oh, J-Bow, you didn't have to say that.
07:43But you're damn lucky you did.
07:47So, listen, I want to hit the shower before I hit the beach.
07:50What did you shower for? About to go in the ocean.
07:53Does this make sense to you, Herman?
07:54Don't drag Herman into this.
07:56Well, if you want my opinion, I think you guys should go away.
07:59We did. We're here.
08:00No, this time I mean get away from me!
08:03Get away.
08:04That's fine.
08:04Nice, fine.
08:05Thanks very much.
08:05Bussie yelled it.
08:06Can you believe that?
08:07Can you believe that?
08:07That's right.
08:13Hey, Jay.
08:38Is everything all right?
08:47No.
08:47Louise and I had another big fight.
08:49I don't want to talk about it.
08:50Okay, well, good.
08:54She wanted to hike up to some stupid lagoon and swim in some stupid waterfall, and I came
08:58here to relax, you know?
09:00Jay, Louise likes holding hands on the palm trees.
09:03You know, watching the sun set.
09:04I know it's sappy, but I guess they're a great couple.
09:08Just go with the flow.
09:10Yeah, maybe you're right.
09:11Heck, I'm in the Caribbean.
09:13I should embrace the mystery and romance of the local culture.
09:17I wonder if they got a video arcade.
09:22Herman, could you grab that water bottle and spray me down?
09:28Where do I start?
09:29There's so many good places to choose from.
09:31Just spray her arms and don't embarrass us.
09:35I can do both.
09:37Thanks.
09:38You're good at that.
09:40Yeah, well, it's what I do, ma'am.
09:42Herman, I've been looking for you.
09:45I had another...
09:45Another fight with Jay.
09:46Yeah, you see, I wanted to hike...
09:47Hike up to the waterfall and swim in the lagoon, and he didn't.
09:50Wow, I must give away a lot in body language.
09:53Actually, I talked to Jay.
09:55Can you believe he just wants to sit by the pool and watch TV?
09:57Come on, Louise, you know Jay has the attention span of a three-year-old.
10:01I know, God, it's driving me nuts.
10:03I know, I know, but look, you've got to learn to enjoy each other's interests.
10:07I mean, that's what a relationship is all about.
10:09All right, I'll try and be more open-minded.
10:11Thanks, Herman.
10:12It's really great to have a friend.
10:13I'm done.
10:14Get away from me.
10:17I can't believe you gave Louise the brush off just so you can nail some model.
10:21It's what I do, ma'am.
10:22So, how about dinner?
10:30Dinner sounds nice.
10:31Now, a great little place.
10:32Hey.
10:32Would you let me handle this?
10:33No, you're not going to handle it.
10:35He's my best friend.
10:36I'm going to handle it, okay?
10:38What is the matter with you?
10:39Since when am I sappy?
10:41Um, I'm going to go get my things.
10:42I have the attention...
10:43Excuse me.
10:44I have the attention span of a three-year-old?
10:46Can I remind you that I'm a professional writer, that I make my living...
10:49Whoa, that dog just caught a frisbee in its mouth.
10:53Herman, what's with you?
10:55Why won't you stop meddling with us?
10:56I'm not meddling.
10:57You guys keep talking.
10:58Hi.
10:58Oh, you're obviously right in the middle of something.
11:01No, no.
11:01No, this is nothing.
11:02If you will excuse me.
11:03I will not excuse you.
11:05You got us into this argument.
11:06You can't just walk off with some model.
11:08First of all, she is a supermodel, okay?
11:11And second, I didn't get you into this.
11:12You've been bickering for the last few weeks.
11:14Look, if you can't stop, you figure out what to do.
11:17So, you're saying we should break up?
11:18I'm not saying anything.
11:20Sounds like you like Herman's idea.
11:21It wasn't my idea.
11:23I didn't say that I liked it.
11:24You didn't say you disliked it.
11:25Well, neither did you.
11:26I guess we're breaking up then?
11:28Well, I guess we are.
11:28Fine, let's break up then.
11:30Fine.
11:30Fine!
11:31Fine!
11:31Thanks, Harm.
11:33You finally gave us an idea we could use.
11:35What?
11:36It wasn't my idea!
11:46Figured it'd be more exotic.
11:47Well, I like it, thanks.
11:53Wow.
11:54You're alone for a change.
11:56Hi.
11:57I thought you'd given up on me and just gone to bed.
12:00I tried.
12:01I couldn't sleep.
12:03And tossing and turning in bed by myself isn't much fun.
12:06I guess it's different for women.
12:07So, uh, how long are you going to be down here?
12:13Hey, you barkies!
12:15You keep not putting rum in my drink!
12:18Fuck!
12:19Stop it!
12:19Isn't that one of your friends?
12:23Uh, yeah.
12:25Yeah.
12:25Yeah, she's a little upset.
12:26Her first real relationship just fell apart.
12:29She's not taking it very well.
12:31But, you know, I am just going to let her deal with this herself.
12:33Good.
12:35Don't make me get tough with you!
12:36I swear I will come right across this bar!
12:41Uh, I'll be right back.
12:43Louise?
12:44Is everything all right?
12:45Fine.
12:45Fine and dandy.
12:46I don't happen to miss Jay one bit.
12:48Yeah, I don't think you'd be drinking this much if you were fine.
12:52Ah, so you've seen right through my little deception.
12:55Look, I never meant that you guys should split up.
12:58I'm going to trash this sort of.
12:59If I don't see a picture of Collins Kahn, he's in front of me.
13:03Pronto!
13:04Okay, okay.
13:05Why don't I go to the dining room and get you a cup of coffee?
13:08And Herman, while you're at it, why don't you check on the blitzes?
13:11I'll take cheese.
13:12No blueberry.
13:14That's Jay's favorite.
13:17I'll be right back.
13:18Okay.
13:19Coffee, blitzes, not blueberry.
13:21I could go for a fruit plate.
13:23Really?
13:26Oh, hey.
13:27Hey, Herman.
13:28Men.
13:30Would you like some rum?
13:31Oh, man, you look awful.
13:34It's Louise, isn't it?
13:35No, it's Jay.
13:39I'm your...
13:40I'm your best friend.
13:41You don't know me?
13:42No.
13:42I know it's you, Jay.
13:44I mean, you're upset about Louise.
13:46Yes.
13:47Louise is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
13:50That's not true.
13:52I once won a bucket of chicken in a scratch-off contest.
13:55No.
13:57I would say that Louise is even better than the chicken.
14:00Oh, boy.
14:01I beat out a bucket of chicken.
14:04Yeah, and you know how much Jay loves his chicken.
14:07I do.
14:07I do.
14:08I do love chicken.
14:10Good night, fellas.
14:12Hey, Louise, wait.
14:14See you later, Herman.
14:15Oh, Aurora?
14:17Quick!
14:18We gotta stop her!
14:19You better be talking about Louise.
14:21I'm talking about the supermodel.
14:22Oh, come on!
14:23What?
14:23Well, it's obvious we're not gonna get any rest on this vacation,
14:28so the least we can do is make a decision.
14:30Now, are we gonna go with what's behind curtain number one,
14:35leggy supermodel Aurora?
14:37Or are we gonna go with what's behind curtain number two,
14:43our drunk and bickering friend?
14:47Wait a minute!
14:49Wait a minute!
14:49What's behind curtain number three?
14:52Shut the curtain, sonny.
14:54Grammy's taking the choice.
15:01Damn it!
15:01We're going with curtain number two, and that's it.
15:03Louise, come back.
15:04Look, you guys misunderstood me before,
15:07so let me be completely clear now.
15:09Don't let petty differences drive you apart.
15:12Look, you guys are the best couple I know.
15:14You fill in what's missing in each other's lives,
15:17and you just don't know how lucky you are to have each other.
15:20I love you, J-Bow.
15:36I love you too, Louise.
15:41Herman,
15:41I'm still waiting on that blimp.
15:44I just got off the phone with Delgado.
15:54He wants that Soviet project in an hour.
15:56How close are you, Eddie?
15:58Usually when a man asks me that, I have to lie.
16:01This time I don't have to.
16:03Well, Eddie, this is quite good.
16:08I must say that over the years, I've had my doubts about you,
16:12but I was wrong.
16:13You're turning into a top-notch researcher.
16:16Now, where are the other 14 republics?
16:20What do you mean?
16:22Well, this is Russia.
16:23That's only one of the 15 republics of the former Soviet Union.
16:27I'm sorry, Mr. Bracken.
16:28I didn't know that.
16:30Eddie, everybody knows there are 15 republics
16:33just like they know there are seven dwarfs and three stooges.
16:36And don't forget 50 ways to leave your lover.
16:40Actually, there are only 49.
16:42You can't really count.
16:43Make a new plan stand as a viable method of escape.
16:47Meanwhile, this project is due in an hour,
16:50and we're only 1 15th done.
16:53What do we do now?
16:54We don't do anything.
16:55I call Delgado and take the heat from my department.
16:59Well, we feel that's best.
17:02I was wrong about being wrong about you, Eddie.
17:05You're no top-notch researcher.
17:07Now, Miss Delgado, it's Paul Bracken.
17:10I'm sorry to call you at home, but I got a problem here.
17:13Mr. Delgado, this is Eddie Newman in research,
17:16and I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake.
17:18And as a result, the Soviet files won't be ready on time.
17:23Yes, I understand how important this is,
17:25but I assure you I'll get this to you as soon as I can.
17:27I'm sorry.
17:31Well, Mr. Bracken, what do I do now?
17:34You don't do anything.
17:36We finish those other 14 republics.
17:40Eddie, I'm proud of you.
17:42Maybe I was wrong about being wrong about being wrong about you.
17:46Good morning.
17:51Morning.
17:53How are you doing?
17:54Hang on a second.
17:55Somebody put a wool mitten in my mouth.
17:58Nope, it's my tongue.
18:00So, we've had a romantic night on the beach.
18:04Where do we go from here?
18:06Well, I could definitely eat.
18:11The hotel has a great buffet.
18:13I sort of meant longer term.
18:16Oh, I thought we could ride the glass-bottom boat today.
18:19It's really cool.
18:20They got a fish with like a flashlight on its head.
18:23Okay, I'm talking about our relationship.
18:28Oh.
18:29What?
18:30We bicker about stupid little things, you know,
18:32but all couples do.
18:35Tell me something.
18:36Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
18:39That's easy.
18:40In 10 years, I got a book on the bestseller list.
18:42I got a penthouse apartment in Manhattan.
18:46And I'm at an awards dinner picking up my Pulitzer Prize.
18:49Uh-huh.
18:49And where am I in that picture?
18:51Oh.
18:55You're there?
18:56Uh, you're out in the limo.
18:58You're online in the ladies' room or something.
19:00You're definitely around, though.
19:02No, I don't think so.
19:04You're obviously not ready to share your lifestyle with someone.
19:07Well, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
19:11Well, when I think of the future,
19:12I see myself in the countryside running a little art gallery,
19:16but I see myself doing it with a husband and kids and pets and everything.
19:19I also see myself flying to a spaceport with a jetpack,
19:23but that's much further into the future.
19:26Well, why don't we just worry about the future later
19:29and just keep going where we're going?
19:31No, because the future is right now.
19:33We both wanted things that we never had before.
19:36I wanted to sleep with somebody that I care about.
19:38And you wanted to care about the person you were sleeping with.
19:44And now that we're there,
19:46we're headed in different directions.
19:50Well, you don't want to break up, though.
19:53Right? I mean, do you?
19:55No, I don't.
19:56I really don't.
19:59But I think that we should,
20:02while we still like each other.
20:06I'm afraid that the bickering is going to get mean,
20:09and then we'll just end up hating each other.
20:13Yeah, okay.
20:14No.
20:15I...
20:16You're right.
20:19Okay, so...
20:21So what do we...
20:22What do we do now?
20:26Um...
20:26I think I'm going to hike to that waterfall
20:29and swim in the lagoon.
20:31Well, you know, I'll go do that with you if you want.
20:34No.
20:36I'm going to go alone.
20:39Okay.
20:46Elise.
20:51Bye, Jay.
20:58Yeah.
21:03Thanks for everything.
21:06You too.
21:15You guys going to be okay?
21:17Yeah, I guess.
21:18I mean, it's definitely going to be rough for a while,
21:20but we're still friends, you know.
21:22Anyway, I'm just sorry our stupid bickering
21:24ruined your chance with Aurora.
21:26Oh, that's okay.
21:27Don't worry about it, man.
21:28Hey, have a good flight back.
21:29Thanks, buddy.
21:30You're a good friend.
21:31I'll see you back in town.
21:32Okay.
21:36Okay, it's gone.
21:37Oh, thank God.
21:40We'd never leave.
21:42It's official.
21:43They're on their way back to New York,
21:45and we are finally alone.
21:46There he is.
21:50Yeah, we found him.
21:53Who are those people?
21:55I have no idea.
21:57Those charges against four people
22:03will have the details.
22:04And I'm Donya Archer.
22:05A big local business move
22:07as two Johnstown banks merge.
22:09And some area residents
22:10are barking mad
22:11over their neighbor's dogs.
22:13We'll have part four
22:14of Neighbors from Hell.
22:15I'll do the latest in home video tonight.
22:16We'll see you next on Newswatch.
22:18We'll see you next time.
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