- 4 hours ago
After losing his job Herman's father comes to visit. Herman learns his parents have separated.
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00:00Dangerous.
00:02Trouble.
00:04That woman's not wearing underwear.
00:06Is that all you can think about?
00:08Food and sex?
00:10Yes. Please, focus.
00:12Look out!
00:20Hey, it's Jay!
00:22No time for small talk. We're late.
00:26Petty, hold the elevator.
00:28Petty.
00:36I think Louise is so sweet.
00:38I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:40I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:44And I think you are all idiots.
00:46Let's go to work!
00:58Herman, Louise.
01:00How's that research manual coming?
01:04Great, Mr. Brackett. I really appreciate this opportunity.
01:08It's a heck of a lot of work. I hope I don't crack.
01:10Well, I hope you don't either.
01:12Because I can't put into words the incredible importance of this manual.
01:16Well, if it's so important, how come I'm not working on it?
01:18Because when I asked for volunteers, you pretended to lapse into a coma.
01:22However, I do have some additional work.
01:24Okay, Herman, let's get back to it.
01:26Herman?
01:28Oh, I'm sorry, Louise.
01:30I'm a little distracted.
01:31My father is coming to town today.
01:32Well, I'd say you can hide out at my place, but I think I already have to go.
01:34I'm sorry, Louise.
01:36I'm a little distracted.
01:37My father is coming to town today.
01:38Okay, Herman, let's get back to it.
01:44Herman?
01:46Oh, I'm sorry, Louise.
01:48I'm a little distracted.
01:49My father is coming to town today.
01:52Well, I'd say you can hide out at my place, but I think I already have three people hiding there.
01:58Louise, I'm sure there's no one hiding at your place.
02:01You're just under a lot of pressure because of this manual.
02:04manual. I know. I'm on the edge. I need help, man. Herman, I can handle this one. Okay,
02:10Louise, take a deep, calming breath. You're right. Are you better? Yes, I think I am.
02:19Thank you. I love to do that. It was not very nice. Just relax, Louise. Forget these lunatics.
02:32We have a crisis here. Our father's coming. I love Dad. We all do, but you have to admit,
02:36he can be very critical of us. Jeez, it stinks in his brain. The man works in a tire factory and
02:44is offended by the odor in our brain. What can we do for you, Dad? It's been two years, Herman.
02:50When are you going to give up this pipe dream of being a writer and come work with me in a tire
02:53factory? Look, we're not interested in working in the tire factory. Dad, we're a writer. What
02:59have you written lately? Dear Penthouse Forum. I never... I was going to explain that to you.
03:08I don't have time for explanations. I have tires to sell. I just wish you'd realize this writer
03:13thing is a dead end and come back and work with me. Well, maybe we should consider that
03:17offer. I miss Ohio. I agree. I think we should stand up, be a man, and move back in with Mommy
03:23and Daddy. So, Herman, why is your father coming? What's the occasion? Well, he didn't
03:29say, but I suspect he's coming to get me to move back to Ohio. He probably wants to pull
03:33some strings and get me into the management trainee program at the tire company. I'm sure
03:37your dad will understand if you want to stay here and be a writer. You don't know my dad,
03:41Louise. He didn't get to be a tire executive by following his emotions. I don't know. It's
03:45always take care of business. Take care of the family. Do what you got to do. He doesn't
03:49understand dreams. Well, that's too bad because I had a doozy last night. Louise, these are
03:57different kinds of dreams. I don't think so. I dreamt I was you and I wanted to be a writer
04:01in New York. So, what happened? Well, your career was going beautifully. Oh, really? Yeah,
04:08you were writing books and movies. No kidding. Then, at the height of your success, you married
04:13Mr. Bracken and took a turn for the worse. You argued bitterly and the children suffered.
04:23Louise, I'm very worried about you. Me? Pal? You're the one who married Mr. Bracken.
04:34Louise, I appreciate all the hard work. Maybe you should relax and have lunch? Can't do it.
04:40It'll only slow me down. I'm a dynamo. Well, look, if it's too much work, just make a first pass
04:47at it and I'll have Petty proof it for you. Oh, never mind. Pass the salt. Hey, everybody,
04:55this is my father. Dad, this is everybody. Hi. I'm Paul Bracken. Herman works for me in the
05:01research room. But we have more than a boss-employee relationship. Actually, I treat Herman like
05:08my own son. No kidding. Any chance you're paying the balance of his college loans?
05:14I don't think so. What kind of father are you? Dad, why don't you go sit right over there?
05:19I'll be right with you. Oh, Louise, I finished chapter 16. Oh, oh, and we still have to prove
05:24seven through ten and... Herman, Herman, relax. You're a nervous wreck. I just got Louise under
05:30control. Oh, yeah? You're under control? Yes, perfectly. Yeah, I was just going to say we
05:34still have to prove the glossary. The glossary? Oh, my God! Hey, is your dad here? Yeah. Yeah,
05:44he's sitting right over there. Oh, boy, you two look nothing alike. You sure he's your
05:49father? Yeah. I suspect the pool man. Say, we didn't have a pool. All the more reason to
05:55suspect the pool man. Say, I have to go talk to my father. Oh, I wish my father would come
06:01visit me. Why don't you invite him? I don't think the parole board would approve. I'll
06:07have the turkey sandwich. Yeah, I don't have a hamburger. Well done. Watch. He's going to
06:13tell us we should have ordered it medium rare. Nice to see you, Herman. Is he going to tell
06:17me to order my burger medium rare? Life's too short to worry about hamburgers. He's just
06:24trying to lull us into a false sense of security. So, been dating much? No, I date. I date,
06:32but I'm not ready to settle down. As long as you're happy. Maybe he's on drugs. Dad, you
06:40want a beer with your sandwich? No, thanks. I'm on drugs. What? I'm taking antihistamines
06:46for my allergies. So, how's the writing coming? Okay, okay. Let me stop you right
06:52there, Dad. For the last time, I am happy in New York. I am going to be a writer, and
06:56I'm not going to work in the tire business in Ohio. Neither am I. What? When did you
07:02make this decision? Oh, somewhere between the time when they said, clean out your desk,
07:06and when security escorted me off the premises. You were fired? Well, they call it a forced
07:11retirement. Well, that's terrible. No, no, no, no. I think it may be a blessing in disguise.
07:15I think I may have short-changed you when you were growing up by always working.
07:19Well, what's done is done. We didn't get enough quality time together.
07:23You did what you could. So, I've come to New York to stay with you for a while.
07:26Well, you... What? Oh, I'm just trying to do some of the things I was too busy to do when
07:31you were growing up. By the way, I finally built that treehouse you kids have been nagging
07:36me about. Dad, it's a little late for a treehouse. No, it's never too late. Ernie brought an
07:42action down the street, saw it, built one for his son. His son is 65 years old.
07:45Like I said, it's never too late. Well, let's start bonding.
07:55Look, Dad, it's really great seeing you, but I'm sorry. I have a lot of work to do. I don't
07:59even have time to eat. Here are the keys to my apartment. I'll meet you there after work,
08:04okay?
08:08I'm done proofing chapter 19. Chapter 20 is almost done. Isn't this great, Hermione? We're
08:12burning the midnight oil. We're putting the pedal to the metal. We're pulling an all-nighter.
08:17We're not going to pull an all-nighter, Louise.
08:20Well, that's some bad news, because I just had six cups of coffee, and I am flying.
08:25Hi there. How's it going? Nice to see you. What's new? Good, good. Listen, I'm just going to run up and down the stairs for a while.
08:30Your friend has a lot of pep. Well, you ready to go home?
08:36Yeah, Dad, I'm working on a special project. Oh, oh, I've been there. Yeah, when they brought
08:41out those RX-78 radials, I had to put in a lot of hours. See, nobody could see why they
08:46should buy them, so I had to do a lot of hard selling, but it paid off because I sold more
08:51of those than anyone else in my division. And as I recall, those tires were defective. When
08:55you went over 50 miles per hour, they exploded. Hey, Mike Wallace couldn't prove that, and
08:59neither can you. Dad, I have to get back to work. Oh, what are you doing? Maybe, uh, maybe
09:04I can help? Yeah, I'm... I'm writing a manual explaining how to use the Microtech Inter-Office
09:09Research Retrieval System. Maybe I can watch? This is so touching. He wants to spend time
09:15with us. Yeah, well, where was he when we needed him? Why are you so bitter about him? Because
09:21I've been hurt. Do you remember that time we won first prize in the science fair? We
09:25made that volcano that erupted with baking soda? Yeah, as I recall, that volcano blew up the
09:30two Asian students next to us who created the perpetual motion machine. Hey, Principal Brundage
09:36couldn't prove that, and neither can you. The point is, we won. And where was Dad? Selling
09:42tires in Atlanta. Yeah, and the time we hit that Grand Slam in Little League, where was Dad?
09:46Selling tires in Pittsburgh. Sometimes it was important for Dad to be away. Yeah, that's
09:51right. Like the time Paul Carlin's hamster bit us. Where was Dad? On that top secret mission
09:57with the President of the United States. That's what Mom said. Oh, no, she just told us that
10:05because she didn't want to hurt our feelings. He was really selling tires in Scranton. Well,
10:09then to hell with them. Dad, I'm sorry. It's just that this project is very important to
10:15me. Oh, I was hoping we could spend some time together. We will. We will. I promise.
10:19Bad news, Herman. I just had my seventh cup of coffee, and all the bathrooms are locked.
10:25Louise, I'll take it from here. Why don't you call it a night? Dad, I'm gonna be a while.
10:28Why don't I meet you back home? Come on. I'll give you a lift.
10:32Louise, you don't have a car? No. Just drank two quarts of coffee. I'll carry him home piggyback.
10:36She's just kidding.
10:45Well, I did it. I got in touch with my father. That's great. Yeah, seeing Herman with his
10:50dad made me realize I needed to let my dad know how much I care. So I sent him some smokes
10:54to grease the screws. What? She sent him some cigarettes in order to bribe the guards.
11:01How do you know that? I'm writing a crime novel. I based the main character on me. It's called
11:06The Man Who Knew Too Much.
11:11Mr. Bracken, that's the title of a Hitchcock movie.
11:15I knew that.
11:18Hi, Herman. How's it going with your dad?
11:21Well, when I got home late last night, he was already asleep, and when I woke up this
11:24morning, he was gone. I just haven't had any time to talk to him at all. And now, I have
11:29no idea where he is.
11:30Oh, I'm sure he'll turn up somewhere.
11:32Can I get that trash can for you?
11:34Oh, thanks.
11:35Dad!
11:36Lisa's great. But there's something about Sharon.
11:47Sharon's okay. But Lisa, what a knockout.
11:52Why is the grass always greener on the other side?
11:55Ooh, lucky dog.
11:57Lucky dog.
11:58Oh, why ask why?
12:00Try a less filling beer with a lot more taste.
12:03But dry.
12:04It's one thing.
12:05Hmm. Nice.
12:08That's beyond question.
12:11From the moment she met him, she was crazy about him.
12:14I love you, Nick, and you love me.
12:16Now, look. You're too young for me. There's nothing between us.
12:19But if she can't have him, no one can.
12:22The Crush, rated R. Starts Friday, April 2nd.
12:25Ask anyone who's driven a Ford lately. You may be in for a few surprises.
12:32Some wild, exciting, in your face, move it or lose it, take no prisoners, don't look back,
12:37women and children first, get down to it, win or take all kinds of surprises.
12:42You got it?
12:55With each new day, you find a way to be your best.
13:01Gillette Censor. The closest, safest, the best shave a man can get.
13:05Gillette. The best of men can get.
13:10Marvin Kidman of New York Newsday calls it,
13:13Astoundingly Good. This Story Made Me Cry.
13:17An All-New Tribeca Tuesday.
13:20With Alicia as the star, Neal's first movie is sure to be a classic.
13:24It's just like a great scene that Coppola did in Godfather 2.
13:27You know, I'm going through the same emotion that Diane Keaton had.
13:29I'm standing in a fake fog and my co-star has a giant sucker on his head.
13:33Blind Blind, next.
13:37Late one night, Dave Thomas woke up from a deep sleep with the inspiration for a new cheeseburger from Wendy's.
13:45Steak sauce.
13:46Introducing Wendy's new Deluxe Steak Sauce Cheeseburger.
13:50Because everyone loves steak sauce, especially on a quarter pound of fresh beef topped with sautéed onions and Swiss.
13:57Wendy's Deluxe Steak Sauce Cheeseburger.
14:00It's a dream come true, but only for a limited time.
14:03Sure beats counting cheap.
14:08Dad, what are you doing?
14:09My job. I just got hired as a janitor at Waterton.
14:13Oh, here. Let me get that for you.
14:16Louise, my father is not here to clean up after you.
14:18Actually, I think he is.
14:21Why are you doing this?
14:23Well, I figured if I worked at the same place you do and you had some free time, we could spend it together.
14:28I see.
14:28So when you get a moment, just give a buzz down to custodial and I'll be up in two minutes.
14:32Dad, don't you think you're a little overqualified for this? I mean, you were an executive.
14:36Times are tough. I was lucky to get this job.
14:39If it weren't for Paul's recommendation, I wouldn't have gotten it.
14:42Paul? Paul recommended you? Paul, can I talk to you?
14:46What have you done to my father?
14:47Well, he told me he was bored.
14:48So you put him to work as a janitor.
14:51Herman, you have a very condescending attitude toward custodial services.
14:55It's a perfectly dignified profession.
14:57Eh, come.
14:59Now, you have to understand something.
15:04When a man has spent his life working, he can't just stop and do nothing.
15:08He's used to taking care of himself.
15:10It would be nice if you were a little supportive.
15:16Dad.
15:18Dad.
15:19Please.
15:21Go back to Ohio.
15:22But things were going so well.
15:23No, they weren't.
15:24We were getting to know each other.
15:25No, we weren't.
15:26We have so much to look forward to.
15:27No, we don't.
15:28Well, it wasn't for lack of trying on my part.
15:30Dad.
15:31You've made your point, but I'm in the middle of a very, very important project.
15:34This manual can be...
15:35Not a manual.
15:35The manual.
15:36You know, son, I've gotten a lot of insight since I started working here.
15:39But you had this job for less than an hour.
15:41Well, I'm a quick study.
15:42The point is that you think that manual is important, but everything, no matter how important,
15:48ends up in here.
15:49Look at this, see?
15:51The guy who wrote this memo probably had a choice of going out with his dad
15:56or writing this memo, and he chose to write this memo.
16:00Well, whoever he is, I bet his father didn't show up out of the blue after 25 years of ignoring him.
16:04I didn't ignore you.
16:05If anything, I was ignoring your mother.
16:07You just got caught in the crossfire.
16:10That's why I'm trying to make it up to you.
16:11What, by getting a job as a janitor?
16:13I got this job to be near you.
16:15Well, you got this job because he needed something to do.
16:17It has nothing to do with me.
16:18Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.
16:20Yeah, well, me too.
16:21Uh, Herm, we're gonna have to talk about your dad.
16:30Jay, I don't think I can right now.
16:32Well, you're gonna have to, Herm.
16:33I think he stole my wallet.
16:36What?
16:36When I was down here for lunch, I left my wallet in my briefcase in my office.
16:40I got back, the wallet was missing, and the office was clean.
16:44Obviously, the janitor stole it.
16:45Why'd you leave your wallet upstairs?
16:47So that when I order a drink, I can go, whoops, I forgot my wallet,
16:50and then some unsuspecting sap will buy it for me.
16:54Do you mean all those times I bought you a drink?
16:56You're changing the subject.
16:59Can I get you a drink?
17:01Oh, uh, I don't have my wallet, Herm.
17:06Two beers.
17:09Point is, your father stole my wallet.
17:11He wouldn't steal your wallet.
17:13He's my father.
17:14Well, the jury's still out on that one.
17:16Jay.
17:17Can we at least go talk to him?
17:19Is he at your apartment?
17:19No.
17:20No, he had a fight.
17:22I don't know where he is.
17:23Oh, boy.
17:23I'm sorry.
17:25Did you count the silverware?
17:28Look, he wouldn't steal my silverware, and he didn't take your wallet.
17:32All right.
17:32Okay.
17:33If he should happen to find it, just have him return it to me.
17:37No questions asked.
17:40Now, what's the matter with you?
17:41I still feel awful about that argument we had with Dad.
17:44Oh, he had it coming.
17:45Now, maybe he'll think twice about all those years that he wasn't around.
17:49He did think twice about it.
17:50That's why he's here.
17:52Yeah, well, that's not our problem.
17:53I say we call Mom, tell her to come here and drag Dad back to Ohio.
17:59Herman, Herman, you've got to help me.
18:01What is it?
18:01Well, the manual is due on Friday.
18:03I'm in over my head, and I've got a caffeine rush that would make Keith Richards jealous.
18:07Please don't worry.
18:09We'll get through this.
18:10We will make the deadline.
18:11We're in this together.
18:12We're in this together.
18:13That's right.
18:13Now, leave me alone.
18:14I have to call my mother.
18:16Give me the phone.
18:17He's using it.
18:18For steamy threesomes.
18:20Press one.
18:24Who are you talking to?
18:26We need a third.
18:26Do you swing?
18:27Will you give me that?
18:28Hi, Mom.
18:32Mom, it's Herman.
18:33Yeah, he's here.
18:34He's keeping himself busy.
18:36Listen, you have to come get him.
18:38Why not?
18:40No, he didn't tell me.
18:43You're separated?
18:50Dad, don't step there.
18:53What do you people do to these floors?
18:56Can I talk to you?
18:58You said what you had to say.
19:00Dad, I just spoke to Mom.
19:02Oh, yeah.
19:03Did I mention my wife's divorcing me?
19:05She is not divorcing you.
19:07Hey, you kids, don't walk there.
19:10Dad, we have to talk about this.
19:14Okay, we're having a trial separation.
19:16Hey, she doesn't love me anymore.
19:19You're standing on the court.
19:21Sorry.
19:22She told me she loves you as much as she always did,
19:25but that you've just been impossible since you lost your job.
19:27She's just mad because I wouldn't let her in the treehouse.
19:32You really think that's it?
19:34No.
19:36Look, I worked my whole life to support our family,
19:38and when I need a little help and understanding,
19:40no one's there for me.
19:41Let's be honest, Dad.
19:42It's not like you were there for us.
19:44Well, I'm sorry.
19:44If I could go back and change all that, I would.
19:47Now, you can either meet me halfway or hold a grudge.
19:49I vote to hold a grudge.
19:52I second that grudge.
19:55No.
19:55Don't you see?
19:57He's trying to write some of the things he feels he did wrong.
19:59And what did we do?
20:00We were too busy.
20:02We've become him.
20:03Not quite.
20:04He's got a better job.
20:05Janitors can go in the ladies' washroom any time they want.
20:08The point is, we're doing the same thing he did to us.
20:13Look, I'm sorry, but we have work.
20:15We will always have work.
20:17We will always have extra work, but we will not always have our father.
20:19What are we going to tell Bracken?
20:20What about Louise?
20:22Mr. Bracken will give us time off,
20:23and I'm sure Louise can manage on her own.
20:25I can't do it.
20:26I can't do it.
20:27I can't do it.
20:28Louise, calm down.
20:29Just tell yourself you can do it.
20:31I can do it.
20:32I can do it.
20:33I can't do it.
20:34I can't do it.
20:35You can, Louise.
20:37You're tough.
20:37I'm tough.
20:38You're tenacious.
20:38I'm tenacious.
20:39You don't know the meaning of the word quit.
20:40I don't know the meaning of the word tenacious.
20:44All right, enough, Louise.
20:46Herman, Louise, I just spoke with Mr. Decker.
20:49He chewed my head off over that manual.
20:50He wants it right away.
20:52Mr. Bracken, Herman is abandoning me.
20:54He's going to make me finish the manual alone.
20:56Please, don't make me do it.
21:00Louise, pull yourself together.
21:02Herman knows how important that manual is to me and to the company.
21:06He would never back out.
21:07Mr. Bracken, I can't finish the manual.
21:09What?
21:11We need to take some time off from work.
21:13Herman, this company needs that manual.
21:15The manual, the manual.
21:17Let me tell you something, Mr. Bracken.
21:18You may think that manual is important, but everything, no matter how important, ends up here.
21:24Look at this.
21:24I bet this is pretty important to someone once.
21:26The Man Who Knew Too Much, a novel by Paul Bracken.
21:30Oh, no.
21:31I had to change the title.
21:35That Hitchcock guy stole it from me.
21:36Come into my office.
21:39Herman, I picked you for this assignment because I thought you could handle it.
21:43Mr. Bracken, I wouldn't do this unless it was absolutely necessary.
21:46I know this project is important, but Louise can handle the remaining work.
21:49I didn't say it would be pretty.
21:54I just said she'd get it done.
21:56Herman, that's not the point.
21:58This is your job as well as Louise's.
22:00Now, what's so important that can't wait?
22:02Look, it's my dad, Mr. Bracken.
22:05You see, he always put work before family, and there were a lot of times I needed him, and
22:10he wasn't there.
22:12Now he needs me, and I'm not making the same mistake.
22:15Herman, I have a business to run, and I cannot condone you taking time off when I need you
22:20to finish this manual.
22:23Nonetheless, I hope my daughters take time off when I lose my job and go nutsy-fagin'.
22:30Thank you for understanding, sir.
22:33Louise.
22:34Mr. Bracken, did you force him to stay?
22:36Now, Herman is going to take a couple of days off.
22:39Now, calm down.
22:42I'm personally going to roll up my sleeves and help you finish this manual.
22:48But we'll work side by side, day and night together, if we have to.
22:55Herman, you'd better leave.
22:57I think you're upsetting her.
23:00What's wrong, Hattie?
23:04Oh, Herman, I'm so happy.
23:06Getting in touch with my father has turned out so well, he sent me a picture of himself
23:09to put in my wallet.
23:11This is him from the front, and this is him from the side.
23:16It's very nice.
23:21Dad, why aren't you in uniform?
23:22Oh, this custodial thing wasn't working out.
23:24Some idiot accused me of stealing, and it turns out they found his jerk's wallet in the cushions
23:28of the sofa.
23:30You don't know this guy, Jay Nichols, do you?
23:34Nichols.
23:35Nichols.
23:36Uh, no, never heard of him.
23:38Well, I gotta get going.
23:40My plane leaves in an hour.
23:42What?
23:42You mean you're going back to Ohio?
23:43Yeah, I talked to your mother on the phone.
23:46This trial separation is a dismal failure.
23:48We miss each other.
23:49I'm sorry for coming here and bothering you.
23:53Take care, Herman.
23:54He's out of our hair.
23:56We're off the hook.
23:56Let's celebrate.
23:58Yeah!
23:59Are you suggesting we let him go back to Ohio without resolving any of our problems?
24:05Yeah.
24:05Yeah, that's an excellent idea.
24:07I think not.
24:08Why don't you stay in New York for a while?
24:10No, no, you made your position clear.
24:12I'm going home.
24:12Oh, come on.
24:13We'll spend some time together.
24:14It'll be fun.
24:15What about your work?
24:16What about your precious manual?
24:18I told Mr. Bracken that you were more important than work.
24:21I don't know, Herman.
24:22Maybe you were right.
24:23I thought I could make up for lost time, but maybe the time is just lost.
24:28Well, I'm willing to forget about all that if you are.
24:31Hell, there's no use crying over spilled milk.
24:34Easy for you to say.
24:34You don't have to clean it up.
24:38Hey, Dad, you still want to see the Statue of Liberty?
24:41Sure.
24:41I can really only stay a couple of days, though.
24:43I should really get back home.
24:45Your mother told me something that was rather disturbing.
24:47Oh, really?
24:47What's that?
24:48She's going to hang curtains in my tree house.
24:56Homer and Bart are both determined to pull off the ultimate April Fool's prank.
25:02Who will have the last laugh?
25:03Find out on the Simpsons' April Fool's Day special Thursday.
25:07Now, stay tuned for an all-new Flying Blind.
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