- 2 days ago
Jed misunderstanding banker Drysdale's advice to buy "stock," so he purchases farm animals (cows, pigs, chickens) instead of shares, leading to comical chaos as Granny tries to "cure" a seemingly drunk Mrs. Drysdale with her moonshine and folk remedies.
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00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed
00:03A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed
00:05And then one day he was shootin' at some food
00:08And up through the ground come a bubbling crude
00:11Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea
00:15Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire
00:19The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there
00:22Said, California is the place you ought to be
00:24So they loaded up the truck in the north of Beverly
00:27Hills, that is, swimmin' poos, movie stars
00:32The Beverly Hillbilly
00:57All right, now, Jethro, tell us exactly what happened with Ms. Drysdale
01:15Well, I come around the side of the house
01:18And I see this here lady fightin' with a furry-lookin' varmint
01:21Turned out it was Ms. Drysdale
01:23No, Uncle Jed, it was a fox
01:25Maybe it was Ms. Drysdale
01:27Oh, oh yeah
01:29So, I grabs up the shotgun
01:31And I says, step aside, lady, and I'll shoot it
01:34Well, instead of that
01:36She whipped around and throwed that thing in the air
01:39Well, I shot it on the fly
01:41With both barrels
01:42It blew my wife's fox fur to shreds
01:45I wonder if she fainted dead away
01:47I caught her just in time
01:49The chauffeur had to help me get her into the car
01:51She was out like a light
01:52She was stewed to the gill
01:54You said it took two men to get her back in the car
01:58You know, Jethro
02:00Could be that there fox was Ms. Drysdale's pet
02:03Why in tarnation would she want a sneaky old fox for a pet?
02:07Because them kind of people are liable to do anything
02:09What kind of people?
02:12Ask your pa
02:13Well, I reckon I can't protect you from the ugly side of life forever
02:18You see, Ms. Drysdale is what city folks calls a
02:22What was her husband called her, Granny?
02:25A hypochondriac
02:26Yeah, that means she drinks a little
02:29Let's be thankful for one thing, Mr. Drysdale
02:33What's that?
02:34What?
02:34The tree outside the window
02:39It completely obscures her view of the Clampett estate
02:42Yes
02:43And if that tree should ever lose its leaves
02:45Then she gets one look at those hillbillies
02:47It shall not happen
02:48The Clampetts have agreed to accompany me to Palm Springs
02:50Fine, fine
02:51Now, you keep them there until I get Margaret back to Boston
02:54Can do and
02:55Will do
02:56Maybe it's for the best that you know about that poor woman next door, Ellie
03:02Now you can pitch in and help us get her cured
03:04Yep
03:04I'll need you to help find the makings from a sobering up mash
03:08That's what I'll give her first
03:10But Ms. Jank said she was taking us to Palm Springs
03:13Folks don't run off and leave the neighbors when he's in trouble
03:16What are all you going to need for your sobering up mash, Granny?
03:19Well, most of the stuff I got
03:21But it takes a pecum root, retchweed, sourdough, skunk oil, chimney soot, spiderwebs, horsebeard, snakewort, pepper leaves, chicken gizzards, stomp water, coal oil, slippery elm ooze, turpentine
03:43And a few more things that's secret
03:45Oh, and the biggest toad you can find
03:48Granny? You use a live toad?
03:52That's just for testing
03:53I give it a swallow to see how far it jumps
03:56Last time Granny used a sobering up mash, set a new record
04:00Clean over the top of Elverni Bradshaw's clothesline
04:03That's tall jumping for a toad
04:05Oh, this wasn't no toad
04:07This was Elverni's husband, Homer
04:09It was him Granny was sobering up
04:11Well, if you're going out and the brush hunting stuff for Granny, you'd best put on some old clothes
04:17Okay, Pop
04:18Well, let's get a going
04:20Oh, I perp near forgot
04:29I have to have some goat's milk
04:31After Mrs. Drysdale takes my sobering up mash
04:34She has to have fresh goat's milk every half hour
04:38To stop the burning
04:39Well, I reckon if you can borrow some
04:41Well, to do neighborhood like this, folks is bound to keep goat
04:45Everybody said to us
04:46We ain't even got a cow
04:48No pigs neither
04:49No chickens
04:50We ain't even got nothing to pull a plow
04:52You're supposed to be so dad blame rich
04:55I'll bet we're the only family in Beverly Hills that ain't got a mule
04:59Well, it is high time I was stocking this place
05:02Even Mr. Drysdale's been after me to buy some cattle
05:06Well, good for him
05:07Yeah, just the other day he says to me
05:09He says, uh, Mr. Clampett
05:10You got $25 million in cash
05:13You ought to put some of that money into stock
05:16Well, we better get busy now if we're gonna find
05:26There goes that music again
05:30Did you ever find out where that's coming from?
05:34No, sir, I didn't
05:36Every time I went to looking for it, somebody always come to the door
05:38This time I'm gonna find it for sure
05:44Yeah, good hunting
05:45Me and Granny will be figuring out what stock to buy
05:56Doggone it, never fail
06:11Howdy, Miss Hathaway
06:16Oh, please stop calling me Miss Hathaway
06:19Now, if I can call you by your first name, Jethro
06:22Surely you can do the same for me
06:23But, uh, please
06:25Well, uh, howdy, Miss Jethro
06:27How about calling me Jane?
06:31I like that better
06:32Well, are we all set to leave for Palmer Springs?
06:36Uh, no, ma'am
06:37Uncle Jed and me's going to town and buy some stock
06:39Stock?
06:40Yes, ma'am
06:41Mr. Drysdale, he told Uncle Jed he ought to put some of his money into stock
06:45He dictated a memo on that
06:47But you needn't waste time driving into town
06:49You can order your stock by telephone
06:51Now, here are Mr. Drysdale's recommendations
06:53He doesn't want your Uncle Jed to get a bum steer
06:56Oh, Uncle Jed, he wouldn't buy no bum steer
06:58There's some cautious in the bull market
07:01You've got to be careful with cows, too
07:03I don't need this list of know-how
07:07Me and Granny's already figured out what we want
07:11That's right
07:11A pair of goats, three pigs, four cows, a bull, a mule, and a dozen chicken
07:17Reckon we can get all that on the truck?
07:20Don't have to
07:21Miss Hathaway says just call on the telephone and they bring them out
07:24Oh, now, ain't that nice
07:27Hello?
07:31Jed, I watched that banker feller
07:33You have to stick your finger in them holes and spin her a while
07:37All right
07:38Reckon that ought to do it?
07:48Operator
07:48Oh, howdy, ma'am
07:50This here is Jed Clampett
07:52I'd like to buy some stock
07:53What number do you wish?
07:56Number?
07:56Oh, a couple of goats, three pigs, four cows, a bull, a mule, and a dozen chicken
08:03I'll give you information
08:05Well, thank you, ma'am
08:06I appreciate all the information you can give me
08:08It's the first time I ever bought stock on the telephone
08:11Perhaps I'd better connect you with a supervisor
08:13Two heads is better than one
08:15Supervisor speaking
08:17May I help you?
08:19Well, thank you, ma'am
08:19This here is Jed Clampett
08:21I'd like to buy some stock
08:22Do you know the number you wish to reach?
08:25Well, that's more or less up to the animals
08:27But the number I want to start with is a couple of goats, three pigs, four cows, a bull, a mule, and a dozen chickens
08:33There sure is a dandy pin, Jethro
08:39As soon as Ellie gets back from the Drysdale, she can milk this here goat
08:42Mr. Drysdale sure has got a nice house, ain't it, Granny?
08:57Yep
08:58Nice house, nice car, nice job
09:02But the evil of drinking sure laid a heavy hand on its heart
09:07I'll never forget, Ellie
09:09Drinking is a curse
09:10Do you take a drink now and then, Granny?
09:13Uh-uh, never more than an humbleful
09:15Oh, Ellie
09:21You might have to hold Mrs. Drysdale while I spoon my sobering up mash down her
09:27I'll throw a double scissors and an arm lock on her
09:29Just so you don't cut off her wind
09:31If she can't breathe
09:32Yes
09:33Got it
09:34We've come to see Mrs. Drysdale
09:37I'm sorry, madam, but Mrs. Drysdale cannot be disturbed
09:40Are you her kin?
09:42I'm a butler
09:43Oh, that must have been her maiden name
09:46You're taking care of her, are you?
09:49I am a butler, madam
09:51Well, I'm glad to see that her family ain't ashamed to help her
09:54Who shall I say called?
09:57Well, this here's Granny and I'm Ellie Mae
10:00Paul and Jethro would have come too, but they're busy with the cattle
10:03Very good
10:04Hold on now
10:06We've come to see Mrs. Drysdale
10:08Mrs. Drysdale is indisposed, madam
10:11She has not received
10:12Oh, still sleeping it off, huh?
10:16Well, when she comes to, you just spoon half of this downer and then stand back
10:21Yes, she'll commence to doing some tall jumping
10:24Don't bite you
10:25We'll be back later with the goat's milk
10:27Want me to stay and help you do for Mrs. Drysdale?
10:30We are managing, thank you
10:31Are you doing the washing and the cleaning and the cooking for her?
10:34Certainly not
10:35Oh, just letting it pile up on her, huh?
10:38I am a butler
10:39Want me to haul him out of there, Randy, and wrestle him down?
10:50Him folks have certain rights
10:52Family comes first
10:53He sure is proud of that family name, ain't he?
10:56Yeah
10:57You hear him talk, the butlers don't get wet when it rains
11:00Did you say something, dear?
11:08Well, speak up, dear
11:10Want me to get you something?
11:13Come in
11:13I beg your pardon, sir
11:16The butler said some people from a ranch brought this for, madame
11:19From a ranch?
11:21Well, he said they mentioned cattle
11:23They called themselves Granny and Ellie Mae
11:25The Clampetts, they haven't gone to Palm Springs
11:27Get him in through that gate
11:29That's the way
11:30Suey, suey, suey, suey
11:32Ah, get in there
11:34Ah, he, ah, get in there, pig
11:36Get in, pig, come on
11:37That's the way, suey
11:40No, surely not
11:41Marie, tell me I'm hearing things
11:44You're hearing things, sir
11:45Cows, chickens, pigs, goats
11:48No, no, no
11:49Anything I can do, sir?
11:57Pray, Marie, pray
11:58Yes, sir, Mr. Drysdale
12:04I finally took your advice and put some of my money in stock
12:07How's that do it, Mill Kelly?
12:09Just fine, Pop
12:10You sure is a dandy pen, Mr. Drysdale
12:13Yeah, good stout fence around the outside
12:16Of course, that one across the middle ain't so much
12:18Bulls already jumped it twice
12:23And ain't even mating season
12:25Gotta sell some mighty fine-looking stock
12:37Of course, they need a little fattening up
12:39Mr. Drysdale happy to see him?
12:42Granny, he was so happy he couldn't talk
12:45He just kind of hung on a fence
12:48And made little gurgling noises in his throat
12:51Yeah, that poor man has some joy coming to him
12:54And I'm glad to be able to help him to forget his trouble first, Bill
12:58Here's the goat's milk, Granny
13:00Oh, good, Ellie
13:01Now, you run that right over to Mr. Drysdale
13:03That sobering up mash
13:05Smart's considerable
13:06Unless you follow it up with fresh goat's milk
13:08Ellie, uh, Mr. Drysdale ever find his tongue?
13:11Yeah, Pa
13:12You know, whilst I was milking the goat
13:13I heard him kind of mumbling
13:15Like he was giving thanks
13:16He says, oh, what have I done to deserve this?
13:20Lord love it
13:22Ain't that pitiful?
13:24Hurry, child, now hurry
13:26You know, Granny
13:27It gives a person a mighty good feeling to help a neighbor
13:32You betcha
13:33And he needs us
13:35Cause his wife's kin ain't no help
13:37Who's that?
13:38That high and mighty Mr. Butler
13:40That's when he came to the door
13:42When Ellie and me took the mash over
13:43Wouldn't let us see Mr. Drysdale
13:45Well, now you can't hardly blame him
13:47For not wanting folks to see it
13:49Uncle Jed
13:50The bull jumped that little fence again
13:51So I tied him back over on his side
13:54Where's Mr. Drysdale
13:55Asked him to come in for some coffee?
13:57It was the funniest thing would happen to him
13:59You know how he was hanging on the fence of the stock pen?
14:02Kind of gurgling and mumbling and happy-like?
14:05Yeah
14:05Well, all of a sudden
14:08He points up towards his house and says
14:10My wife, that's her window
14:12Then he goes tearing off into the bushes
14:14Like a bear was after him
14:15She took some mash and he seen her jump
14:18Right, Ellie, he's gonna get there with a goat's milk just in time
14:23Oh, Sonny
14:29Sonny
14:30Your mumsy just had the most ghastly dream
14:34I was going to see our new neighbors, the Clampetts
14:38And suddenly this dreadful giant appeared with a huge gun
14:43And shot my beautiful fox first
14:46Isn't that the most dreadful one?
14:50Lord
14:51What are you eating?
14:53What are you eating?
14:54Oh, did Ravenswood bring my darling boy some nice scoops?
15:03Claude
15:04Claude
15:07Marie
15:10Marie
15:11Marie
15:12Come and get Claude
15:13What's the matter, dear?
15:14Claude
15:15He's having a seizure or something
15:17Is something wrong?
15:18Yes, Marie
15:19Open the window
15:20Yes, let's have some fresh air
15:21No, no, no, no
15:22Take Claude to the doctor
15:23I'll get the window
15:24Well, darling, how do you feel?
15:31Dreadful
15:31My nerves are shattered
15:33Open the window, dear
15:35Well, it might not be good for you, Margaret
15:37Oh, don't be silly, Milburn
15:39I need oxygen
15:40Besides, I adore the fragrance of that jasmine
15:44That grows on the fence of that tennis court next door
15:46Now, open the window
15:50All right, dear
15:51But first I have a surprise
15:53Surprise?
15:57Don't move
15:58I'll be right back
15:59Granny
16:02Granny
16:02That there butler fellow wouldn't let me through that door again
16:05And he wouldn't take this milk, neither
16:08Why not?
16:09He said he wouldn't touch nothing more from us
16:11Without it was sterilized
16:13What's sterilized?
16:15Oh, we had that in school once
16:17That means, uh, soaked in alcohol
16:19Alcohol
16:21It appears to me like Mr. Drysdale's got two drinkers on his hand
16:26Mrs. Drysdale must be in terrible shape
16:29Fighting me
16:30Scratching and clawing people and everything
16:32How do you know?
16:33I hear her yelling and screaming clean from upstairs
16:36She says, Marie, Marie
16:37Come and get clawed
16:39Sure enough, pretty soon
16:41This poor girl come a-running down yelling
16:43Take me to the doctor
16:44I got clawed
16:45Family or no family
16:49That woman needs help
16:50And by thunder, she's gonna get it
16:52Surprise, surprise
16:58Melbourne, have you taken leave of your senses?
17:01You know I'm much too nervous to watch television
17:04But darling, the doctors in Boston said your nerves were just fine
17:08Those Boston doctors
17:10They had the audacity to tell me that I was perfectly healthy
17:13I said, I'm not paying you all that money to tell me I'm healthy
17:16Melbourne, I do not want to watch television
17:20Well, you don't have to watch it here
17:22Just listen
17:22There's an exciting western on
17:24Weston, Melbourne, shut that off and open the window
17:28Oh, there we are
17:30Melbourne, are you going to open the window or am I?
17:39I am, dear
17:40There you see, the cattlemen and the sheepmen are fighting it out
17:53If you won't turn it off, I will
17:56Oh, dear, I do admit that's a very old plot
17:59But I'm sure we can get something better
18:01That's what we do, he pointed to right there
18:07I've got to get some fresh goat's milk up to that woman some way
18:11I could shinny up the tree and climb right in that window
18:16Oh, Jethro, it ain't fitting for a man to be in a woman's bedroom
18:20How about me?
18:21No, Ellie
18:22You're too young to handle somebody a-wrestling in the grip of old John Barleycorn
18:26I've got to get up there and have a goat handy to milk every so often
18:31I think I've got it figured out, Granny
18:32I'll get a rope, throw it over that limb
18:36Hoist you up to the winter
18:38Jethro, you get that Mr. Butler away from the front door
18:41Then, Ellie, you take the nanny goat, lead it upstairs to her room for Granny
18:45All right, Pa, but that little goat ain't gonna do nothing unless it's got that little chicken sitting on his back
18:51That's all right, raw egg ain't gonna do Ms. Drydale a bit of harm
18:55Laughter
19:09Turn on her
19:13Off
19:14Oh, my God.
19:44Margaret, what are you doing?
20:03Packing. I'm leaving immediately.
20:05Oh, don't leave me. I love you.
20:07I love you too, Milburn.
20:08Why don't you come to Boston with me?
20:10You haven't seen Sonny for a long time.
20:12I don't understand. Why have you suddenly decided to go back to Boston?
20:16See, those doctors. Let them dare to tell me now I don't have a nervous condition.
20:21I'm even having hallucinations. It's wonderful.
20:24Hallucinations?
20:25I just saw a witch fly by that window.
20:27And there's a goat in the bathtub with a chicken riding on its back.
20:31Oh, you couldn't see them, dear.
20:33Only someone with my shattered nervous system.
20:36There goes the witch again.
20:39Oh, Milburn, I'm the happiest woman in the world.
20:42It's marvelous.
20:43Wait until those doctors hear this.
20:46Can't get in the attic and she won't open the window.
20:48Pice me up again.
20:53Here, Milburn.
20:53Let's have a vitamin toast to my coming triumph.
21:14It's too late, Jed.
21:16What do you mean, Granny?
21:16We didn't get to her in time.
21:18Now she's got her husband on the stuff.
21:20Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
21:43And they would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in.
21:46You're all invited back next week to this locality
21:49To have a heaping helping of their hospitality.
21:54Hillbilly, that is.
21:56Set us well.
21:57Take your shoes off.
21:59Y'all come back now.
22:00Here.
22:10This has been a Filmways presentation.
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