- 4 weeks ago
In this episode, Herman falls for a woman who is argumentative. The situation is complicated when his friend, Jay, essentially "steals" Herman's original date and leaves his own date with Herman.
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00:00Exciting, dangerous, troubled, that woman's not wearing underwear.
00:07Is that all you can think about? Food and sex?
00:11Yes. Please, focus.
00:13Look out!
00:20Hey, it's Jack!
00:23No time for small talk, we're late.
00:26Petty, hold the elevator.
00:29Petty.
00:37I think Louise is so sweet.
00:39I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:42I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:44And I think you are all idiots.
00:47That's gonna work!
00:58Gosh, this is too weird.
01:18Weird?
01:19I hate to tell you this, Sarah, but these are some of my best moves.
01:21I mean, we just met last night, and here we are getting all hot and heavy.
01:28And you think we're moving too fast?
01:30No, I just think it's way cool, that's all.
01:33Whoa, this kick is hot!
01:48Herman, isn't that your doorbell?
01:49That's probably a wrong number.
01:53Herman, open up!
01:54Oh, gosh, it's really bumming me out.
01:57I think you better answer it.
01:58Okay, but don't do anything that feels good without me.
02:02Or at least without me watching.
02:08Okay, this is not a good time.
02:10Herman, I'm having the worst state of my life, and I really need your help.
02:12Let me in.
02:13No!
02:13Herman, let me in.
02:16Okay, but just for a minute.
02:17Jay, this is Sarah.
02:19Sarah, Jay.
02:21Well, oh, yeah.
02:23Elizabeth, Herman Brooks, Herman, Elizabeth Dennehy.
02:27Hi.
02:28What is going on here?
02:29You've got to help me out, buddy.
02:30It has been a nightmare.
02:32First, she drags me to a Russian documentary on wheat.
02:35No subtitles.
02:37Then it's off to a feminist poetry reading, where I got these scratches.
02:43She's nothing but a stuck-up, screwed-up, rotten, miserable, bad time.
02:48Then why the hell did you bring her here?
02:50I thought you might like her.
02:52Jay, in case you haven't noticed, I'm a little busy with Sarah.
02:55Hey, hey, hey.
02:57Is she bothering you?
03:00No, not really.
03:02Sarah, there is electricity between us.
03:04Am I crazy, or do you feel it, too?
03:06I always feel it.
03:09We should talk.
03:12So, how was the poetry reading?
03:14Fine, until Jay tried to convince a militant lesbian
03:16that she really didn't hate men.
03:18She was just having her period.
03:24Yeah, that Jay.
03:26Look, where's the nearest subway stop?
03:28Eighty-six.
03:29Oh, Sarah, Sarah, where are you going?
03:31Oh, you've got my guests,
03:33and I've got to be up early in the morning.
03:34But they're just leaving.
03:37Yeah, yeah.
03:39So why don't I walk you home?
03:40You are so sweet.
03:41No.
03:42Jay, Jay, Jay, don't leave me with this.
03:45This what?
03:47What, you wanted the closest subway stop?
03:49I can't believe it.
03:50He dumps me on you,
03:51and then takes off with your date right in front of us.
03:54Elizabeth Dennehy?
03:55Elizabeth Dennehy, the writer?
03:57You wrote the cover story that I checked for Manhattan Weekly on the mayor.
04:00You're a terrific writer.
04:02You're a fact checker.
04:04How...
04:04Boring.
04:05That's the word.
04:07Yeah, actually, I want to be a writer.
04:09I mean, I am a writer.
04:10It's just that a lot of the senior editors at Waterton don't know it yet.
04:14I just don't understand why you're wasting your time looking up facts
04:16and dating bimbos like Elsa if you really want to be a writer.
04:20Her name is Sarah,
04:21and not everybody's had the opportunities you've had.
04:24Hey, pal.
04:25I made those opportunities.
04:27Well, good for you.
04:29That's great.
04:29You know, this little talk has been a real inspiration.
04:31I'm sorry.
04:33It's just this whole evening with Jay has put me in one hell of a foul mood.
04:38I'd prefer it if you didn't smoke.
04:40You and my mom.
04:43You haven't got anything to drink, have you?
04:45Drink, drink?
04:46I didn't think so.
04:49This woman's a real charmer.
04:50I hope she doesn't hurt us.
04:53I can't believe Jay stole our sure thing and left us here with swamp thing.
04:57Hey, you're the brains around here.
05:03Get rid of her.
05:04All right.
05:06How about some coffee?
05:07All out.
05:08Tea?
05:09Nope.
05:09What do you have?
05:10Half a cream soda.
05:12Salt.
05:14Well, who knew she'd go for a half-empty bottle of cream soda?
05:19You might want to let that breathe first.
05:21How can you say that?
05:26Hemingway was a great writer.
05:27He's a pretentious macho bore.
05:29Okay, okay.
05:30Maybe you do have to urinate standing up to appreciate a lot of his writing.
05:33I have urinated standing up, and I still don't like him.
05:39Don Powell.
05:40Now, there's a writer.
05:41Well, Don Powell?
05:42That goes without saying.
05:44I never even heard of Don Powell.
05:47Where does she find time to read all these books?
05:49I love this woman.
05:50I thought we hated her.
05:52That was before we found out how smart she is.
05:54I have to admit, she's beginning to grow on me, too.
05:56This chick talks too much.
05:57I want Sarah back.
06:00Try to think of this as foreplay.
06:03For what?
06:03An English lit test?
06:06Oh, God.
06:06It's 3.30 in the morning, and I have an 8 a.m. breakfast interview.
06:10I think you better take a cab.
06:11Oh, damn that Jay.
06:13He made me pay for everything, and now I'm broke.
06:15Could I borrow 10 bucks?
06:16Sure, except I don't have 10 bucks.
06:18Oh, wait a minute.
06:26Then how will you pay for college?
06:29Don't worry.
06:30I still have my paper route.
06:32I'll pay you back, I promise.
06:35Better yet, um, how about if I take you to lunch tomorrow?
06:39Oh, I'd like that.
06:40Good.
06:40Well, thanks, Herman.
06:42This was actually fun.
06:43Yeah, yeah.
06:44It's a nice change to be able to argue with someone about literature
06:46instead of who played Marsha Brady.
06:48Yeah.
06:51Bye, Herman.
06:52Good night.
06:52Good night.
06:52Maureen McCormick.
07:06What's wrong, Mr. Bracken?
07:07I just spent the morning with my wife and her pit bull attorney
07:11going over our separation agreement.
07:12She gets the house, the kids, and the cars, and I'm left with bad gums.
07:19Well, I'm glad somebody's in a good mood.
07:22I met a girl, Mr. Bracken.
07:24Just take care of your teeth.
07:25What's her name, Herman?
07:30Elizabeth Dennehy.
07:33Elizabeth Dennehy?
07:35Yeah, you know her?
07:36Know her?
07:37She's out there having my career while I'm stuck here in this stupid dead-end job with
07:40you idiots.
07:42I just don't understand what she has that I haven't got.
07:45This is just a guess, but talent?
07:50Herman, I just, I gotta thank you again for fixing me up with Sarah.
07:53Jay, I didn't fix you up with Sarah.
07:55You stole her from me.
07:56Oh, that's right.
07:58In that case, do you mind if I sleep with her?
08:01No.
08:02Good, because I did last night.
08:05By the way, how did it go with you and Jaws?
08:08You know, Elizabeth is not such a terrible person.
08:11After you and Sarah left last night, we started talking and had a really good time.
08:16Beware, Kimo Sabe.
08:18Elizabeth screwed up white woman.
08:20Bastard.
08:23Bitch.
08:28Elizabeth, it's a little early for lunch.
08:30Didn't we say one?
08:32What's this?
08:33The apology I have to print.
08:35It seems there was an inaccuracy in the article I wrote on the mayor, and he's pretty upset.
08:39What, the article I checked?
08:40Not just an article, a cover story.
08:43And thanks to you, I'm going to be blamed, probably get fired, and end up a bored housewife
08:47with two kids, damaged hair, and fat thighs.
08:50Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:51Come on.
08:52Just because you're home all day doesn't mean you have to let yourself go.
09:00Herman, did you really make a mistake?
09:02I'd like to know the answer to that one myself.
09:04I am sure I checked everything in that article.
09:07I'll bet there's a perfectly good explanation for this.
09:09There is.
09:10It's my fault.
09:14Herman, you have to single-handedly destroy that woman's career.
09:21What happened, Herman?
09:23It's a mistake.
09:25Everyone makes a mistake.
09:27You've made a mistake, Mr. Bracken, haven't you?
09:32Herman, in the 25 years that I've worked at Waterton, I've checked 7,457 articles.
09:38That's 8,345,657 words.
09:43That's 56,451 facts.
09:48And in all that time, not one mistake.
09:54What about your marriage?
09:55What do you want?
10:03I came to tell you I'm sorry.
10:05I never make mistakes like this.
10:07Well, thanks for starting with me.
10:09I didn't do it intentionally.
10:11Meanwhile, my editor is treating me like I have leprosy.
10:14He took me off this really great story and put me on this stupid fluff piece that even Jay could probably write.
10:20Look, there's nothing I can do but say I'm sorry.
10:25You know, if this were Japan...
10:26What, you want me to kill myself because I made a mistake?
10:29Well, it would put the bounce back in my step.
10:33Well, nice talking to you.
10:36You know, I am not a horrible person.
10:38I just screwed up.
10:39That's all.
10:40And I'm sorry this happened, especially to you, because I really admire you.
10:43You've been able to accomplish something that's still just a dream for me.
10:47Herman, wait.
10:48Please, I feel lousy enough about all this as it is.
10:50I know you're not a horrible person.
10:52It's just that my career is very important to me.
10:54I know that you didn't mean for all this to happen, so I accept your apology.
10:58Well, thank you.
11:00I'm really glad you came up.
11:04So am I.
11:06Oh, my.
11:10I do believe I'm getting the vapors.
11:13You better go now.
11:21Wait a second.
11:21Let me explain.
11:22Go, go.
11:22Please don't be mad.
11:23I just got a little carried away because I...
11:26I thought maybe this was leading to something.
11:28Herman, don't misunderstand.
11:29I really like you a lot.
11:31Please spare me the I like you, but just not in that way, speech.
11:33Will you let me finish?
11:34Actually, I do like you in that way.
11:36You're just looking at someone who has screwed up every relationship she's ever been in.
11:40That's okay.
11:41Everyone makes...
11:42No, Herman.
11:42If we get romantically involved, I'll just self-destruct and you'll end up rejecting me.
11:47I haven't even asked you for a date yet.
11:48You've already got me dumping you.
11:50How can you possibly know what's going to happen?
11:52You're just going to have to trust me on this one.
11:54You're looking at someone who doesn't have the first idea what love is all about.
11:57Is that the type of woman you want to go out with?
12:00No!
12:00We can change her!
12:04What are you doing tomorrow night?
12:09Herman, if I say yes...
12:11If you say yes, I'll even sign a release that says I won't press charges if anything goes wrong.
12:17So how about it?
12:18This is Elizabeth's hangout?
12:30I hate places like this.
12:32They make me feel like I'm not worthy of being in them.
12:34You're not.
12:38For once, we're in an upscale literary hot spot instead of that cheesy dump McAnally's.
12:43Now, can we please make some attempt to be a little hip?
12:46Yeah!
12:47Hi.
12:58What?
12:59I have a reservation for dinner.
13:01The name's Brooks.
13:02What do you want me to do about it?
13:05How about show me to my table?
13:07Wait over there.
13:07I'll get to you.
13:12Two, please.
13:14Do you have a reservation?
13:15No.
13:16Right this way.
13:17Another club soda, please.
13:30And a pillow and a blanket.
13:34So she's a little behind schedule.
13:36That's nothing to get all worked up about.
13:38I got news for you, pal.
13:39We should have left here a half hour ago.
13:41He's right.
13:41This is just rude and inconsiderate.
13:44Go right ahead.
13:45Give up on our chance to be with the most
13:46exciting woman we've ever met.
13:48At least we'll always have that one night where we shared cream soda together in our apartment.
13:55Well, what do you want?
13:56Real tears on the intellect.
14:02Herman, I'm so sorry.
14:04I was almost out the door when I got stuck with my editor and couldn't call.
14:07I can't believe you're still here.
14:09I would have left a half an hour ago.
14:11Well, it's nice to know if I'm ever late, you'll be long gone.
14:14Come on, let's sit down.
14:18No.
14:20You mean this table is here for you whenever you come in?
14:22I practically live here.
14:24Oh, no.
14:25He saw me.
14:26Where is it?
14:26I have to go talk to him.
14:27I'll be right back.
14:29I'll be right here.
14:34Check it out.
14:35Pretty damn classy.
14:37What kind of food is this?
14:38I don't know what half these words mean.
14:41Look, if we're going to date Elizabeth,
14:43you're going to have to get used to ordering from menus
14:45that don't have pictures of the food.
14:47Sorry.
14:50Have you decided what you're ordering?
14:52The pasta sounds good.
14:53This isn't exactly the place to order pasta.
14:56Well, the chicken?
14:57The chicken's even worse and the fish will kill you.
15:01I'll have the fish.
15:05Sonia, hi.
15:06I've been trying to reach you.
15:08I really have.
15:09This will just take a second, I swear.
15:11I'll just be sitting here, alone.
15:15Would you like to hear our dessert special?
15:17Just take the check, please.
15:24My God!
15:26We can't even afford the tax on this check.
15:29Boy, this is some great time we're having.
15:31Rude waiters, awful food, and completely dysfunctional date.
15:35She's a head case, and I have had it with her!
15:41Herman!
15:42Excuse us.
15:44What is with you?
15:45What is with me?
15:45What is with you?
15:45You have yet to sit down at your table.
15:47What?
15:48I can't say hello to my friends?
15:49Maybe I'm overreacting, but when I go out with someone, I expect that we're going to
15:53be doing more than just occupying space in the same building.
15:55Herman, I'm sorry if you're upset.
15:58Sean!
15:58How are you?
16:00Whoops.
16:01I guess I'm not supposed to do that.
16:02I can't believe you're the same woman that was at my apartment the other night.
16:06Herman, I'm sorry.
16:07Wait a minute.
16:08I warned you.
16:09I told you you didn't want to go out with me, and you wouldn't listen.
16:12Well, I'm listening now.
16:17I can't go until the check is paid, and I don't have enough money.
16:20What's this?
16:21A reclamation project you've taken on?
16:23I hope he's tax deductible.
16:25Just leave the bill with me, and I'll take care of it.
16:27I'll have to owe you the rest.
16:33Oh, there you are, Mr. Brooks.
16:34Your table's ready.
16:42Can I hear more?
16:43Not now, Jay.
16:44I just got to tell you, Herman, things with Sarah are great.
16:46She is exactly the kind of woman a guy could get serious about.
16:50Thank God I'm not that guy.
16:54Big.
16:55Which?
16:58Herman, can I talk to you?
16:59Yeah, look, if it's about the money I owe you, it's going to take me another couple of months.
17:02It's not about the money.
17:04This can't be good.
17:05I'd like to say, on Elizabeth's behalf...
17:08Oh, stop it.
17:09So she's smart and interesting, so what?
17:11We need more than that.
17:13We need sensitivity, vulnerability, sincerity.
17:16Fine, when Snow White becomes available, we'll date her.
17:22I know that last night wasn't exactly what you had in mind.
17:26Believe it or not, it wasn't what I had in mind either, so I came to tell you I'm sorry.
17:30Well, I appreciate that, Elizabeth, but I really don't think this was meant to be.
17:34That's it?
17:35You're giving up?
17:36I get one chance and I blew it, so too bad?
17:39Haven't you ever had a bad night?
17:41Not that bad.
17:42I was nervous, okay?
17:45I have a rotten history with men and I didn't know what to do.
17:49Here's a hint.
17:50Next time, try sitting with your date and talking to him.
17:55Fine.
17:56If that's the way you want it, then just let me know when you come up with the rest of the money.
18:01You know, Herman, when you screwed up my article, I forgave you.
18:04It's too bad you can't return the favor.
18:07Oh, my God, she's right.
18:09Maybe we should go after her.
18:10I don't like her.
18:11She makes me feel stupid.
18:13The banjo player in Deliverance makes you feel stupid.
18:18Look, she forgave us.
18:19We can't just pretend like this doesn't mean anything.
18:21I can.
18:22I want Sarah back.
18:26Now, get her out of here.
18:27I forgave you.
18:28Now, don't you do this to me.
18:30I forgave you.
18:31Make her stop.
18:32I forgave you.
18:33Sarah!
18:33Sarah!
18:36The food here really sucks.
18:51Now, tell me again why you want to stick your head back inside the lion's mouth.
18:55In spite of how lousy my date with Elizabeth was, she's the first woman I've met in this
18:59city that really excites me.
19:02Herman, the woman has a heart attack.
19:04You don't need that.
19:05Trust me.
19:05You need a woman who's fun.
19:06You need a woman like Sarah.
19:07I had a woman like Sarah.
19:10Bad example.
19:12There she is.
19:13I can't believe the crowd she's with.
19:15Those people are big time.
19:17Yeah, I'm going to go talk to her.
19:18Whoa, whoa, whoa.
19:19Wait.
19:19Maybe she's waiting to do this on neutral territory.
19:22I mean, look at him over there.
19:23Jeez.
19:24He'll tear you apart, Herm.
19:25Jeez.
19:29Why did I bring you along again?
19:31Moral support.
19:33Good luck, Herm.
19:34I'll catch you later.
19:36Drop dead.
19:37Go to hell.
19:42Herman.
19:43Hey.
19:44Aren't you the fact checker?
19:46Yeah, I am.
19:47Great.
19:48Could you check this bill, make sure it's right?
19:51No.
19:52They forgot to charge you for being an arrogant son of a bitch.
19:59My, my, my.
20:01He bites back.
20:03What do you want, Herman?
20:04I'd really like to talk to you.
20:06It's too late.
20:07Oh, what's this?
20:08Salad day is coming to an end already?
20:11Forget it.
20:12Have a nice life.
20:14Hey, where the hell are we going?
20:16She said she didn't want to talk to us, so I say we muster up our dignity and run like
20:20a girl.
20:27Fine.
20:27You want to do this here, we'll do it here.
20:29Oh, this ought to be interesting.
20:31One more word out of you and I'll kill you.
20:38Herman, I don't think you want...
20:39And just listen.
20:40We both made mistakes.
20:42You were a complete jerk the night we went out and it made me so mad that I just gave
20:45up on you.
20:46I'm over that now, but I'm not over you and I want to give it another chance.
20:50This is supposed to make me feel better?
20:53I know you still like me.
20:54I know you can't turn it off just like that.
20:58Can you?
20:59I guess you can.
21:02Herman, wait.
21:04How can you totally reject me and then show up here out of the blue and expect me to care
21:08about you?
21:09Do you?
21:10Well, yeah.
21:10Okay, so what's the problem?
21:12I said this would be a disaster and it was.
21:15Look, Elizabeth, there are no guarantees.
21:17I promise if you can be less afraid, I can be more patient.
21:20Well, you're going to have to be a lot more patient.
21:22Caitlin, you're going to have to be a lot less afraid.
21:24Well, I can live with that.
21:26Did we just reach an agreement?
21:28Looks like it.
21:31When do you say we squeeze in a kiss before the ceasefire ends?
21:41I think your friends hate me.
21:42Forget about them.
21:43They hate everybody.
21:44Let's get out of here.
21:46Is there another place you want to go?
21:48Well, actually, remember the other night at your apartment?
21:50Why do you say we try that again?
21:51I'm sure there are a lot of other great authors we can trash.
21:55Salinger.
21:55Mailer.
21:56Raphael.
21:57Who?
21:58Goddard.
22:05I'll lend you one of those books.
22:12Goddard.
22:12Goddard.
22:21Join Jason Priestley and Luke Perry this Tuesday.
22:26Hi, Dave McColl from WPR-RFM here.
22:28Flying Blind, followed by Whoop, up next on Fox TV 8.
22:32Flying Blind is next.
22:34Hola.
22:34Flaughs.
22:50It's Sunday.
22:50Wiraran.
22:50Hi.
22:50We all know.
22:50We'll be back.
22:50We'll be back.
22:50Bye.
22:50Bye.
22:51Bye, guys.
22:51Bye.
22:52Bye, bye.
22:53Bye.
22:53Bye.
22:53Bye, bye.
22:54Bye.
22:54Bye, bye.
22:55Bye, bye.
22:59Bye, bye.
22:59Bye, bye.
23:00Bye.
23:00Bye, bye.
23:01Bye, bye.
23:02Bye, bye.
23:02Bye, bye.
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