- 4 weeks ago
In the episode, Herman's little sister comes to visit, but she has changed significantly from the sweet girl he remembers. The plot revolves around the main character, Herman Brooks (played by William Ragsdale), dealing with his sister's transformation.
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00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day he has to make all kinds
00:10of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic. Now these decisions should be easy,
00:22but if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble making
00:29up his mind. I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent,
00:35or tie his shoes. I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness,
00:39honest to your love, the good things in life. I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of
00:45trouble. And believe me, there's trouble everywhere. I'm Herman's lust. Without me,
00:50he'd miss out on all the good stuff. You know, fun, food, babes. Sometimes they agree.
00:57Usually they don't. But this struggle is going on inside all of us. And it's all going on inside
01:05Herman's head.
01:06Research. At what age is a single woman considered an old maid? Mother, stop calling me at work.
01:29So did you get him? Did you get him? Right here. Two tickets to the most happy fellow third row
01:34center. Oh, Herman, your sister's going to love that. What else are you going to do?
01:38I'm going to take her to the Statue of Liberty. Then we're going to the Central Park Zoo. I really
01:41want to give her a taste of New York. In that case, why don't you just knock her down, steal
01:44her purse, and give her the finger?
01:49Bracken.
01:51Harris, what can I do about you?
01:52I want this research and proof by tomorrow morning.
01:54Oh, this is a mess. It'll take at least three days.
01:56No good. I have a deadline.
01:58You and every other editor at Waterton.
01:59I want it tomorrow, and that's final.
02:03Look, you little...
02:04Mr. Harris, Mr. Roger Harris, I'm Hedy Newman, and I just want to say that I am a big fan
02:09of your magazine.
02:10You read camping lights?
02:11I haven't missed an issue since the Canvas 10 Vinyl 10 controversy.
02:15That debate caused quite a rift in the camping community.
02:20You know, I want to personally research that article for you, but I'm going to need three...
02:26No, four days.
02:28You got it.
02:29There's your extra time.
02:33I saw it, but I still can't believe it. Why can't I do that?
02:35Because you have the people skills of Boo Radley.
02:39What do people skills have to do with getting all the work done?
02:42Well, you wouldn't have so much work to do if you knew how to handle people better.
02:46Now, I can teach you how to be more political.
02:48Well, perhaps I could stand to sharpen my interpersonal skills.
02:51But in exchange, I want two days off next week.
02:54Eddie.
02:54See? That's your first lesson.
02:55If you have something someone else wants, ream them.
02:59I'll give you one day.
03:03Deal.
03:04Lesson number two.
03:05I only want it one day.
03:06So, Herman, when's the last time you saw your sister?
03:13Gee, a couple of years. She was still in high school when I came to New York.
03:17What's she like?
03:18Oh.
03:19She's the sweetest little girl.
03:20What's wrong?
03:24I didn't make the cheerleading squad.
03:26Oh, those cheerleaders. They're just going to end up as bitter alcoholic divorcees.
03:32Is this supposed to make me feel better?
03:35No, it's supposed to make me feel better.
03:36Because no cheerleader's ever said anything to me except,
03:39Out of my way, band wuss.
03:40You always know how to cheer me up.
03:44Well, next year you're going to make the squad.
03:46And who wants to see a cheerleader who's not cheerful?
03:48So, come on.
03:50Let's go get some cupcakes.
03:52You're the best brother in the whole world.
03:55Oh.
03:57Oh.
03:58Oh.
03:59Oh.
03:59Oh.
04:00Oh.
04:00So, what's she like?
04:08Suzy is a great girl.
04:09She's all American, a straight-A student, cheerleader, always smiling.
04:15Hi, Herman.
04:18Suzy?
04:19It's not Suzy. It's Astrid.
04:22I changed my name in protest of the deteriorating state of the rainforest.
04:25Ah, what effect did that have?
04:28Cheered me up, okay?
04:30So, how are Mom and Dad?
04:34Well, they're doing fine for two people trapped in a sham of a loveless marriage.
04:41Louise, how would you like two tickets to the most happy fella?
04:44So, this is where you work?
04:46What a suffocating, depersonalizing Orwellian nightmare.
04:51And all this time, I thought it was just my imagination.
04:56Someone kidnapped our sister and left us with an Italian war widow.
05:00Look, Suzy, um...
05:03Astrid.
05:05I think a name is very important.
05:06It says who you are.
05:08What is your name?
05:09Louise Fitzgerald.
05:10Oh, I'm so sorry.
05:13You know, why don't we go next door and grab a hamburger at McAnally's?
05:16I don't eat meat.
05:18Well, I'm sure they have something else you can have.
05:19I don't eat bread because they remove all the nutrients.
05:21I don't eat chicken because they keep them cooked up in pens.
05:25I don't eat escargot.
05:26Why, because they're snails?
05:28No, because they're a little out of my price range.
05:31What is that, a joke?
05:34Um, you know, Louise and I are going next door to McAnally's anyway.
05:38Why don't you come along and watch us eat?
05:41Fine.
05:41Now would be a good time to knock her down, steal her purse, and give her the finger.
05:55Hey, Hermie.
05:56Hey.
05:57Who's the Amish babe?
05:59Yeah.
06:01Jay, this is my sister.
06:03Uh, I'm sorry, what was your name again?
06:05Astrid.
06:06Oh, like the Jetsons' dog?
06:10That's Astro.
06:11Oh, too bad.
06:13Jay Nichols, nice to meet you.
06:15So, Herm, uh, what happened to your sister Susie?
06:17Susie is a naive little girl who gets taken advantage of by men.
06:21Great.
06:22When can I meet her?
06:25Jay, Astrid is Susie.
06:27Wait a minute, then who's Astro?
06:30That's the Jetsons' dog.
06:31I thought Elroy was the Jetsons' dog.
06:34No, no, no, Elroy is the Jetsons' son.
06:36The daughter was Judy.
06:37Oh, are you people through?
06:39You're right.
06:40So, how is that boyfriend of yours?
06:42She has got this boyfriend.
06:44You've been going together since junior high.
06:46He is so great.
06:47How is Brad?
06:49Brad is dead.
06:52How did Brad die?
06:54I didn't say he died.
06:55Just as far as I'm concerned, he's dead.
06:58You broke up with Brad?
07:00I can't believe it.
07:01They were the perfect couple.
07:06Good luck, Brad.
07:08Out of my way, Ben Woods.
07:12You and Brad had a little tiff, is that it?
07:14A tiff?
07:15He lied to me.
07:17Threw a toaster at his head.
07:19It's you, kids.
07:21Hey, you know what we should do for you?
07:24Go home and bake some cupcakes.
07:27I need a drink.
07:28Who do you have to sleep with around here to get some service?
07:33Allow me.
07:36What do you want, a diet soda?
07:38Yeah, Herman, a diet soda and a pair of waxed lips.
07:42I'll have a vodka noise.
07:44Hi.
07:45Two beers and a vodka straight for Elvira here.
07:47And I'll have a tropical drink with a little umbrella in it.
07:53Don't you just love when you take the little umbrella home, you put on a little doll's hat and pretend you're the world's largest song and dance, man?
07:58Oh, my God.
08:04I'm the only one.
08:07Oh, Susie.
08:09You don't smoke and you don't drink.
08:11We're going home now.
08:12Herman.
08:13Hey, if you leave right now, we can catch Beauty and the Beast.
08:16You don't get it, do you?
08:18I am not some little girl anymore.
08:20Where's that drink?
08:21So, you broke up with your boyfriend, huh?
08:25Well, you're not going to defend him, are you?
08:27No, no.
08:28It was another woman, wasn't it?
08:30How'd you know?
08:31I met her all the same.
08:32He just panicked, that's all.
08:33Probably didn't want to be tied down.
08:35Or maybe he did and you wouldn't do that.
08:37Jay.
08:41Or maybe we just weren't emotionally compatible.
08:44Could be the attraction was purely sexual.
08:47Can we please change the subject?
08:49Herman, can I talk to you?
08:51Oh, there's Bruce Shaw.
08:54He's that cute new editor.
08:56I want you to go over there and butter him up.
08:57Why would I engage in idle chatter with a man I hardly know?
09:00He just sent a ton of work to our office and we need an extension.
09:04And remember, a lot of compliments, a pleasant smile,
09:07and every once in a while, wiggle your butt.
09:11Oh, that's right.
09:12Butt wiggling only works for me.
09:14I don't know why you insist on treating her like a child.
09:17It's just difficult for me to talk to her about these things.
09:20Well, you're going to have to because she came here for help.
09:22Right.
09:23It's so obvious.
09:37Hi, Herman.
09:38Do you have any idea what time it is?
09:42No.
09:4312.30.
09:45So why'd you ask?
09:49I have been up all night worrying about you.
09:51Where have you been?
09:52With Jay.
09:53Oh, with Jay.
09:54With Jay five nights in a row.
09:56Well, you're seeing way too much of Jay.
09:57I like him.
09:59He is a filthy, disgusting sleaze who uses women.
10:03I know.
10:03He's my best friend.
10:05Okay?
10:05And I don't want you seeing any more of him.
10:08Let me get this straight, Herman.
10:09Are you grounding me?
10:11I am not grounding you.
10:12I am just curtailing your nighttime activities.
10:15Who are you?
10:16Dad?
10:17No, I am not dad.
10:18Now, go to your room.
10:20Herman, this is a studio apartment.
10:22Fine.
10:22Go to your couch.
10:24Look, I've got news for you.
10:26Jay has been helping me.
10:29Oh, he's been helping you?
10:30That's right.
10:31He knows what I'm going through.
10:32Oh, well, of course he knows what you're going through.
10:35When it comes to dumping women, Jay wrote the book.
10:37Actually, he's been meaning to write the book, but he's been too busy dumping women.
10:42Don't you think I know who Jay is?
10:44Then why are you going to him for advice?
10:47I'm your big brother.
10:47You should come to me.
10:49I came to you.
10:50You wanted to make cupcakes.
10:52Yes, and thanks to you, I burned them.
10:54Now, no one has cupcakes.
10:57All right.
10:58I'll see you later, Herman.
11:00Well, Susie, we have a real problem here.
11:05Don't panic.
11:05I know just what to do.
11:07Scrape the burnt part off the cupcakes.
11:09It'll be just fine.
11:13Would you forget about the cupcakes?
11:14We have to go after Susie.
11:16You're just an asteroid or whatever the hell her name is.
11:19Do you know how many maniacs are out there mugging people, stabbing people, hacking them to bits?
11:24You're right.
11:25We have to go after her.
11:26That was my argument for staying put.
11:44Jay, I'm really sorry to wake you.
11:46That's okay, man.
11:46I was up.
11:47What's going on?
11:48I've been walking the streets for hours.
11:49I hear there's good money in that.
11:51No, no, Susie and I had a fight.
11:54Oh, no kidding.
11:55That's all my fault.
11:55I yelled at her.
11:56I told her I didn't want you guys to spend any more time together.
11:59Really?
12:00Yeah, I guess I overreacted.
12:01Did she stop by?
12:02No, actually, I haven't seen her.
12:04Jay, who is it?
12:07You know, now that I think about it, maybe I have seen her.
12:12I don't know what it looks like.
12:14Killed you, you son of a bitch!
12:15Herman, I don't know what to say.
12:16I'm sorry.
12:17Come on, what's the big deal?
12:18So Jay and I slept together.
12:20I'm 19 years old, Herman.
12:22I'm not a virgin.
12:24I'm 19 years old, Herman.
12:26I'm not a virgin.
12:31You just did this to get back at me, didn't you?
12:33Herman, this has nothing to do with you.
12:35She's got a point, Herman.
12:37This is none of your business.
12:38Yeah, it is.
12:39There's something special between me and your sister.
12:42Gee, I don't want to hear this.
12:43Herman, this was not a typical Jay Nichols conquest,
12:46although it did have certain elements in common.
12:48Are you talking about that thing with the whipped cream?
12:56I made her some hot chocolate.
12:59I can't deal with this.
13:00Herman, the truth is, I really care about your sister.
13:03Oh, yeah, right.
13:03Let's go.
13:04No, I'm staying here with Jay.
13:06So now you're going to spend the rest of the night in his bed?
13:09I don't get it either, Herm, but women seem to like it.
13:13I don't want to hear another word out of you.
13:16Herman, it's time you started treating me like an adult
13:18and you started acting like an adult yourself.
13:20Okay, that's it.
13:22I'm telling on you.
13:31Can't be that simple, Hedy.
13:33There's more to office politics than just wiggling your behind.
13:36Of course there is.
13:36Sometimes you've got to put out.
13:37There's Harris.
13:42Did you finish his article?
13:43No.
13:43What?
13:44I want you to use what you've learned to get an extension.
13:46Hedy, I don't think...
13:47Go ahead, Mr. Bracken.
13:48Get that extension.
13:49Bracken, I need that article.
13:51Harris, did you lose weight?
13:53I don't think so.
13:54Well, you look fantastic.
13:56How's that adorable wife of yours and those wonderful children?
13:59They're fine.
13:59Thanks for asking.
14:00You know, Roger, I hear you're a great golfer.
14:05Actually, I'm just a beginner.
14:06Oh, don't be modest.
14:08We ought to get together sometime and play.
14:10All right.
14:12Oh, Paul, do you have that article?
14:16Rog, here's the thing.
14:18We want to do a good job for you because you deserve it.
14:21So we're going to need just a little more time
14:23just to make sure everything is perfect.
14:25Paul, I wouldn't do this for just anyone.
14:27Take the rest of the week.
14:28Oh, thanks, Rog.
14:29No problem.
14:46Jay, this time you crossed the line now.
14:48Herman, she was a willing participant.
14:50I don't want to hear this.
14:51Herman, I never would have slept with her
14:52if I didn't really care about her.
14:54Just get out.
14:54Just get out.
14:55Not you, Louise.
14:58Can I stay, too?
14:59No.
15:00Herman, is everything all right?
15:02He slept with my sister, Louise.
15:03Jay slept with my sister.
15:06Why don't we talk about this outside, huh?
15:11Now, Herman, I know it is difficult for you
15:14to think of your sister as an adult.
15:15That's right.
15:15Also, it is kind of nauseating to think of Jay in bed with any woman.
15:19Hey.
15:20But he is your best friend,
15:22and the two of you are going to have to work this out.
15:26Herman, I really like her.
15:28Leave her alone, Jay.
15:30I am asking you as a friend to leave her alone.
15:33I can't do it, Herman.
15:34Anything but that.
15:35I'm sorry.
15:36I care a lot about you,
15:37but I'm crazy about it.
15:38Well, you're going to have to choose, then,
15:39because it's her or me.
15:40I really wish you hadn't said that.
15:53Susie.
15:54Oh, Herman, could you turn the light off?
15:55I like the room dark.
15:58Thanks.
16:01Death, despair, darkness.
16:03The empty void.
16:05What are you doing?
16:07Riding a postcard to Mom and Dad.
16:08So, why aren't you at Jay's?
16:14Jay's dead.
16:17Oh, my God, Jay.
16:19Oh, get a clue, Herman.
16:21You dumped me.
16:24I'm sorry.
16:26Come on, Suze.
16:28What you need to do is
16:28turn that frown upside down.
16:34Oh.
16:36When you're sad.
16:37Mr. Fisty is sad, too.
16:42Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:45Stop treating me like a child.
16:47Well, then start acting like an adult.
16:48Oh, and I suppose being an adult
16:50is baking cupcakes
16:51and going to Beauty and the Beast.
16:53I was just trying to make you feel better.
16:55Herman, you have absolutely no idea who I am.
16:59Sure I do, Suze.
17:00You're my kid sister.
17:01You're a good student.
17:03You were a cheerleader.
17:04You and Brad were king and queen of the prom.
17:05Herman, you are confusing me with Marsha Brady.
17:10I was a cheerleader for one semester and then I quit.
17:14Why?
17:15Because somewhere I had it in my head
17:16that if I stayed a cheerleader,
17:18I would end up this bitter alcoholic divorcee.
17:23And as for the prom,
17:25that was my Marxist phase.
17:27So Brad and I boycotted it
17:28because we thought it would be a night
17:30of crass bourgeois rituals.
17:33Well, I admit that's not the best theme for a prom,
17:35but I'm really surprised Brad didn't want to go
17:39being the captain of the football team and everything.
17:41Herman, Brad played football in junior high.
17:45For the past four summers,
17:46he's been following the Grateful Dead around in a bus.
17:50Don't you see?
17:51You have this image of me that doesn't even exist.
17:54You left for college when I was 12 years old.
17:57She's right.
17:58We don't know who our sister is.
18:00How many times do I have to say it?
18:02Our sister is Susie Brooks, cheerleader.
18:04Haven't you been listening?
18:05No, I haven't.
18:08Someone's gonna have to go talk to him.
18:10All right.
18:11I'll do it.
18:15I never told you this,
18:16but when I was little,
18:18I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world
18:20because I had you for an older brother.
18:22Hey, I know.
18:23You want to hear me bounce the Star Spangled Banner?
18:25Remember that?
18:27I'm not little anymore.
18:30I'm 19 years old.
18:32I've changed a lot,
18:34and I'm still changing.
18:35I know that,
18:36but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
18:38You've got to see me for who I am.
18:41Okay.
18:42It's not gonna be easy.
18:44Susie, I think you should give Jay a call.
18:47Why?
18:48He dumped me.
18:49Yeah, I asked him to.
18:51You told Jay to stop seeing me?
18:54Susie, I'm really sorry.
18:55I made a mistake.
18:57If you want to see Jay,
18:58then you should see Jay.
19:00Thank you, Herman.
19:02I guess this has been pretty tough for you.
19:06How about a beer?
19:08Sure.
19:09Okay.
19:09Ooh, whipped cream.
19:15I'm going to Jay's.
19:17Oh, Susie.
19:19Herman, I was only kidding.
19:23Jay's got his own whipped cream.
19:24Okay, Mr. Waterden.
19:37I'll get right on that.
19:38How's the way?
19:40Has her hip healed?
19:41Great.
19:42Great.
19:44Old crow.
19:49Oh, this is killing me.
19:52Balsas flaring up.
19:54My roids are back.
19:57If I have to lick one more boot,
19:59I might just pop.
20:02Hey, Paul.
20:03We going for golf this weekend?
20:04Golf?
20:05Who the hell has time for golf?
20:09With all the work you idiots are giving me,
20:11I barely have time enough to breathe.
20:13Now get the hell out of my office.
20:15Thanks for the help, Hedy.
20:21But I don't have the stomach bug.
20:24Or the butt.
20:27Wouldn't it be funny if we ended up brothers-in-law?
20:29Come over to the house on weekends,
20:31fire up the old barbecue,
20:33kids would call you Uncle Hermie.
20:35Then when everyone goes to sleep,
20:37we could sneak out and cruise chicks.
20:40Yeah, I guess we couldn't do that, could we?
20:43Miss Jay, I've never seen you like this.
20:44Well, it's because your sister's special.
20:46She's not like the girls I usually go out with.
20:49I don't know, I think this is for real.
20:50I think we're talking long-term relationship here.
20:53Well, so long.
20:55Susie, where are you going?
20:57Jay, I gotta go back to college.
20:58I've thought about this.
20:59This really isn't for either of us.
21:02No, you can't leave.
21:03You have to stay with me.
21:05What kind of relationship is this?
21:06What happened to sharing equality and compromise?
21:08Well, why do I have to be the one to compromise?
21:10Because you're the chick.
21:11Look, Jay, this has been a wonderful week.
21:16But this was a transitional relationship.
21:19You helped me through a really hard time,
21:20but it's over.
21:22So that's it?
21:23Just like that?
21:25Are you gonna be okay?
21:27Yeah, I'm fine.
21:28I'll be fine.
21:30I've been through this before.
21:31I'll live.
21:32Jay Nichols is a survivor.
21:34You go off to your college,
21:35and I'll, uh, go check into a convent.
21:40Jay, convents are for women only.
21:42Yeah, that's why I'm going.
21:49No worry, he'll be okay.
21:51I gotta go.
21:52Yeah.
21:52Here, let me get those for you.
21:54Do you have some cash?
21:54Oh, did you call me?
21:55Herman?
21:56What?
21:57What?
21:58You're doing it again.
22:00Okay.
22:01Okay.
22:03Well, you want me to walk you to the bus station?
22:07No, thank you.
22:09I can take care of myself.
22:12Yeah, I guess you can.
22:24This Thursday, it's a night.
22:26Hi, Scooter Ray from Powerade 2 Morning Show.
22:28Up next, Stand By Your Man,
22:29followed by Get A Life on Fox TVA.
22:31You'll witness the birth of Baby Bart.
22:34Then, see how it all began.
22:36Welcome to West Beverly High.
22:37On the very first episode of 90210.
22:40Now, stay tuned for Stand By Your Man.
22:43Stand By Your Man.
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