- 10 hours ago
Herman moves in with Elizabeth.
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00:00This city is exciting.
00:03Dangerous.
00:04Trouble.
00:06That woman's not wearing underwear.
00:08Is that all you can think about? Food and sex?
00:12Yes. Please, focus!
00:14Look out!
00:22Hey, it's Jack!
00:25No time for small talk. We're late.
00:28Petty, hold the elevator.
00:31Petty.
00:39I think Louise is so sweet.
00:41I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:43I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:46And I think you are all idiots.
00:48That's gonna work!
01:00Herman, can you do something about that violin?
01:01Give it a sec.
01:02Stop playing that violin!
01:03I can't go!
01:04How's that?
01:05Herman, can you do something about that violin?
01:06Give it a sec.
01:07Stop playing that violin!
01:08I can't go!
01:10I can't go!
01:11Stop playing that violin!
01:12I can't go!
01:13How's that?
01:14Herman, don't get me started.
01:15Come on, we've got time.
01:16No, we don't!
01:17No, we don't!
01:18I'm late for work!
01:19What happened to my shirt?
01:20Don't you remember?
01:21We tore it in half and used it to tie me to the shower curtain rod.
01:22Oh, that's right.
01:24I have to go home and change.
01:25I don't have time to go home and change.
01:26Why don't you just wear what you wore in half.
01:27You don't have to wear what you wore in half?
01:28It's not that nice.
01:29I'm going to eat.
01:30Again, look, you're so good.
01:31Now you're so good.
01:32Do you have a celiac tracelous hand?
01:33Come on, we've got time.
01:35No, we don't.
01:36I'm late for work.
01:37No.
01:38Wow.
01:39What happened to my shirt?
01:40Don't you remember?
01:41We tore it in half and used it to tie me to the shower curtain rod.
01:44Ah, that's right.
01:47I have to go home and change.
01:50I don't have time to go home and change.
01:53don't you just wear what you wore yesterday? Because yesterday I was wearing what I wore
01:56yesterday. Besides, I need my bathroom. What's wrong with mine? No offense, Herman, but I've
02:02seen cleaner bathrooms at Yankee Stadium. Come on, it's not that bad. Herman, I'm tired
02:08of living out of a suitcase. I feel like I'm on the road all the time. All right, then.
02:12From now on, we won't tour. We'll just record. You know what I mean. We need to consolidate.
02:19You mean move in together? Well, I don't see any other way, do you?
02:22We can't let her move in. Why not? We love Elizabeth. It's time to move up to the next
02:28level of our relationship. Move in together? I've never lived with anyone before except
02:32my college roommate. Well, it's just like that, only we sleep in the same bed and I have breath.
02:39I don't know. You're right. It's a stupid idea. I'm sorry I brought it up. No, no, I just mean
02:45I'd like some time to think it through. There's nothing to think through. Obviously, moving
02:48in together scares you. You're not ready for it. Come on, now you're angry. I'm not
02:52angry. Okay, then kiss me right now. I don't want to kiss you right now. See, you are
02:56angry. I'm not angry. I'm late. She's not angry. Like hell I'm not.
03:03Well, if you move in with Elizabeth, you might as well kiss all your most cherished freedoms
03:13goodbye. Jay, you make it sound like prison. Yeah, it's worse. At least in prison you learn
03:17a trade.
03:20Ooh, how exciting. I've always wondered what it would be like to live with someone.
03:24I'm just thinking about it.
03:25I wish I'd live with someone before I got married. Take the car for a test drive, that
03:30sort of thing. But now I had to buy the damn car. Go and hock up to my ears for it and watch
03:40the engine explode in the middle of nowhere.
03:44I know I'll never live with someone again.
03:46Why? What happened?
03:47Ah, the usual. It started off wonderfully, but soon the love faded and we settled into a routine.
03:52Suddenly we grew apart and eventually we ended up with nothing in common. I gave that man
03:58the best three days of my life.
04:01Who was this guy?
04:03Oh, I can't tell you his name.
04:05Why? Is he famous?
04:06No, I just forgot it.
04:10So, Herman, are you going to do it? Are you and Elizabeth going to move in together? Are
04:13you, are you, are you?
04:14Louise, you're more excited about this than I am.
04:16Well, Herman, I just think the two of you are so great together. You compliment each other
04:20so well and if you live together, you won't have to live alone anymore. She'll always
04:24be there for you. She'll be there to, to laugh with, go to movies with, share romantic
04:30candlelight dinners with, make love with. You're going to be so happy.
04:37It's going to be all right, Louise.
04:41Louise is right. I say we make the decision to share our life with a woman we love.
04:45I agree. The thought of losing Elizabeth is far more frightening than the idea of living
04:49with her.
04:49I know women. They can be pretty unreasonable. I get the feeling the first time we bring
04:54home a date, there'll be hell to pay.
05:01So we're going to do it. We're going to live with Elizabeth.
05:04Herman, I'm sorry for leaving your apartment the way I did this morning.
05:08Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.
05:10It wasn't fair to you and it was totally the wrong way to end a night of really fantastic
05:14sex. Fantastic sex? I thought you were sleeping with Herman.
05:21Why don't we talk about this somewhere else?
05:26Elizabeth, I've decided you're right. We should move in together.
05:30Herman, you don't have to say that just to...
05:31No, I'm not. I'm not. It'll be more convenient.
05:34Convenient? That's a reason to rent the apartment above a 7-Eleven, not move in together.
05:38I was hoping we had something stronger than convenient.
05:42Elizabeth, I think you know how I feel about you.
05:45Well, it wouldn't hurt to hear.
05:47It's time to say it.
05:49Absolutely. It's all we've been thinking about and we'd have to say it eventually,
05:52so why not say it now?
05:54You're talking about telling Elizabeth you want to sleep with her and her friend Jennifer,
05:58aren't you?
06:00Is that what we're talking about?
06:03No, we're talking about saying I love you.
06:05What if we say we love her, but she doesn't say it back?
06:08We have to take that chance.
06:10Elizabeth, I want to be with you and I think we should move in together because I love you.
06:16Herman, I'm so excited.
06:19And?
06:20And we'll do it this weekend.
06:22And?
06:22And it'll make our lives easier.
06:25And...
06:26All right, I love you too, but it took you long enough to say it.
06:29I figure I owed you.
06:31So, so maybe this weekend we can move some of your stuff into my place.
06:34Maybe we'll...
06:34Your place?
06:35Yeah?
06:36I think it would make a lot more sense if we moved into my place.
06:39Yeah, but my place is...
06:41Is...
06:41Student living at its most charming.
06:46We can't move into her place!
06:48Why not?
06:49Because it's her place!
06:51I mean, did Adam move in with Eve?
06:54No!
06:55Why?
06:56Why?
06:56Because it was his place.
06:58He was there first.
06:59Did Romeo move in with Juliet?
07:00No!
07:02Why?
07:03Because they both killed themselves!
07:06Did Wilbur move in with Mr. Ed?
07:08No!
07:09Why?
07:10Because he was a horse.
07:13No!
07:14Because he was just like Elizabeth.
07:15He talked too much!
07:17Yakety, yakety, yak!
07:19Hey, Wilbur!
07:20Turn on the TV!
07:22Hey, Wilbur!
07:23Let's get some fillies!
07:25Hey, Wilbur!
07:26Let's go surfing!
07:29So, what's it gonna be, Herman?
07:31My spacious two-bedroom loft off Washington Square Park?
07:34Or your claustrophobic studio apartment next to the crack house on Amsterdam Avenue?
07:40We'd be able to score it all hours of the night.
07:44Herman.
07:45Okay.
07:46I'll bring my stuff over this weekend.
07:48Oh!
07:49This'll be great, you'll see.
07:51And my walls are thicker than yours, so we won't have to make love like church mice.
07:56I didn't realize how big this place is.
08:01We're gonna be very happy here.
08:03Herman, I love you.
08:05I love you too.
08:08You're not gonna put that there, are you?
08:10Well, what's wrong with it?
08:12Nothing.
08:12Good.
08:13Besides the fact that it's quite possibly the ugliest thing I've ever laid eyes on.
08:18I never saw my father's golf pants.
08:21I really think there's plenty of light in this room already.
08:24Hey.
08:27Whoa.
08:28Hold on there.
08:29Hold on there, partner.
08:30What's that?
08:34The Wolfman.
08:36What?
08:36My Wolfman model?
08:37I made it when I was seven.
08:38I like keeping it around.
08:39It's sort of fun.
08:41Define fun.
08:43Elizabeth, if I'm gonna move in with you, you're gonna have to let me bring some of my things with me.
08:48Well, this is my place.
08:50I'm sorry, Herman.
08:51It's our place now.
08:56There.
08:58It's sort of fun.
09:03Now, where can we hang my model airplanes?
09:06Very funny.
09:07And where do you want this box of model airplanes?
09:11Over there.
09:13Herm?
09:13Over there, Jay.
09:17Jay, don't you think it's about time we called a truce?
09:21No.
09:22Good.
09:22Neither do I.
09:23Let me know when he's gone.
09:26Thanks for helping me out, Jay.
09:27No problem.
09:28I'm just glad you decided to hang on to your apartment,
09:30just in case this little experiment in terror doesn't work out.
09:33Shit.
09:35Hang on to your apartment?
09:37Uh-oh.
09:37This wasn't the way we wanted to tell her.
09:40Time to dance.
09:43The decision to move is a multifaceted one.
09:49I just felt that when someone moves from a place where he's from
09:52to a place where he's going,
09:54that he has to be aware of his place.
09:56To and fro.
10:02Guys, a little help here!
10:04So, oh boy, is it hot.
10:13I think I'll open a window.
10:14Herman.
10:15I just thought I'd keep my place for a little while,
10:18at least until we're sure...
10:19Until this relationship fails?
10:20No, that is not what I was going to say.
10:22No, but it's obviously what you're thinking,
10:24otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to hang on to your apartment.
10:27Come on, Elizabeth.
10:28Think about it.
10:29I mean, just for the sake of argument,
10:30what would happen if we broke up?
10:31Well, we're not going to break up.
10:33That's easy for you to say.
10:35You have a place to live.
10:36But this is our place now.
10:39Look, the wolfman.
10:42Don't mock the wolfman.
10:46I don't feel comfortable entering into this without you fully committed.
10:50Then what are we going to do?
10:51That depends.
10:51Are you going to give up your apartment?
10:53No.
10:54Then I don't see how this is going to work out.
10:56Neither do I.
10:56Herman, wait.
11:02Take the wolfman with you.
11:10Now, this is more like it.
11:11I'm glad moving in with Elizabeth didn't work out.
11:14I say, starting tonight, we sleep with a different woman every night.
11:18All those in favor, say aye.
11:20Aye.
11:21It's unanimous.
11:22Would someone please shut him up?
11:27Oh, poor baby.
11:29Are you sad because we can't have Miss Smarty Pets?
11:32Hey, hey, hey, hey.
11:34We all feel badly about walking out on Elizabeth.
11:36We showed her.
11:37We're the man, and a man is king of his castle.
11:40And now we're back in our castle.
11:41Can I come in?
11:53Make yourself comfortable.
11:56Herman, I feel terrible about what happened this afternoon.
11:59But we learned a very important lesson that you and I can't possibly live together because
12:02my lap doesn't go with your rug.
12:05Look, we can argue about it all day if you want, or we can wipe the slate clean and try
12:08this again.
12:09What do you say?
12:10Here we go again.
12:12Wilbur do this!
12:13Wilbur do this!
12:15Look, she came over here to apologize, and that counts for a lot in my book.
12:19I say we forgive and forget.
12:21I say we don't.
12:22I don't trust her.
12:23She's too complicated.
12:24I say we do.
12:25After all, she's read Gravity's Rainbow.
12:28If I remember correctly, that's the book you couldn't understand and gave up on after
12:3230 pages?
12:34Well, yes.
12:39Don't bring that up again.
12:40I guess living together deserves a full 24 hours before we officially declare it
12:47a disaster.
12:48That's the spirit.
12:49I can't believe how late it is.
12:56Herman!
12:56How could I have overslept like that?
12:58You didn't oversleep!
12:59Come on, it's 9.15.
13:00I'm supposed to be at work at 9 o'clock.
13:02It's really only 8.15.
13:03I set the bedroom clock an hour fast, so I have plenty of time to get ready in the morning.
13:07You couldn't have told me this.
13:12Don't be mad.
13:13What's that?
13:15That's your short story.
13:16I read it last night when I couldn't sleep.
13:18You read my story?
13:19I wish you would have asked me first.
13:22I'm sorry.
13:23It was just sitting out on the table.
13:25Yeah.
13:25Well, so, what'd you think?
13:28It was sort of interesting.
13:31I'd better start getting ready for work.
13:34That's a ringing endorsement.
13:36Sort of interesting, the New York Times.
13:39Oh, my God.
13:41What's wrong?
13:42Herman, you have left enough hair on that bathroom floor to weave a rug.
13:47So, get a broom.
13:48A broom?
13:49You're gonna need a leaf blower.
13:52Look, a little hair on the floor is nothing compared to your smoking.
13:57Are you saying that I smoke too much?
13:59I'm saying you could cure bacon in there.
14:04A little help here?
14:05Oh, what's wrong with you now?
14:08She didn't like my short story.
14:14I'm sorry.
14:14I'm just used to being the only one living here.
14:16It's okay.
14:17I'm still getting used to it, too.
14:19Hey, you know what we should do?
14:21I know exactly what we should do.
14:24I was thinking more along the lines of a housewarming party to celebrate our moving in together.
14:29Good idea.
14:30I'll rent a leaf blower to take care of the hair in the bathroom.
14:33And I'll call the fire department to deal with the smoke in the bedroom.
14:37Now, back to my idea.
14:44Please, not in front of the wolf man.
14:47Okay.
15:05Bracken, you have a minute?
15:07Yes, I'll hold.
15:08What is it, Herman?
15:10Well, sir, Elizabeth and I just moved in together,
15:13and it's a little rough going right now.
15:15I thought since you were married for 25 years,
15:17you might be able to give me some advice.
15:19Get everything in writing now, get a good attorney,
15:21and get an accountant with a knack for hiding income.
15:25What I meant was, what did you and your wife do
15:27to work out all your differences?
15:29Filed for divorce.
15:32Maybe this isn't the best time to bother you with this, Mr. Brackett.
15:35I'm sorry, Herman. What exactly is your problem?
15:38Well, sir, Elizabeth and I are really in love,
15:41and the sex is great,
15:42but everything between us seems to be an argument.
15:45I don't know what to do.
15:46Herman, relationships are very tricky.
15:53And?
15:54That's about it.
15:58Now, if you'll excuse me,
15:59I'm right in the middle of countersuing my wife.
16:04Thanks for the help.
16:08Well, that wasn't much help.
16:10Oh, forget about Mr. Bracken.
16:12Advice is cheap.
16:14You have to stop taking everybody's advice.
16:16Now, here's my advice.
16:17I believe you have to listen to your own heart
16:19and be honest with yourselves.
16:20It seems to me that if you want a good relationship,
16:23you have to do whatever you can to make it work.
16:25Relationships can work.
16:26I don't believe it.
16:28The bitch got the car.
16:30This is a complete disaster.
16:44It's because your friends haven't said a word to my friends.
16:47Well, they're a little hard to get to know.
16:49Let's see if we can get the two groups talking.
16:54So, is everyone having a good time so far?
16:57I've never seen such rude, self-satisfied, arrogant snobs before in my life.
17:02I don't understand it.
17:03I should fit right in.
17:04This is quite possibly the best party I've ever been to.
17:10I know it's painful, but can we try to mingle a little?
17:20I need a drink.
17:24You need some new friends is what you need.
17:26Oh, what is your problem?
17:27Come on, the people you invited.
17:28It's like a convention of French waiters.
17:32Come on, you guys.
17:33I think we owe it to Herman to try and make this thing work out.
17:35After all, it is a housewarming.
17:37Louise, I cannot speak to these people.
17:39Yes, you can.
17:40Come on, Mr. Bracken.
17:41Let's go.
17:42No way, Louise.
17:44Hetty, you speak snob.
17:48Bite me, Louise.
17:49There you go.
17:50Now you're talking.
17:51Come on.
17:52Let's go mingle.
17:54Hi, I'm Louise Fitzger.
17:56And this is Herman and Elizabeth's couch.
18:00Nice to meet you.
18:01You, I'm not so sure about.
18:05Great.
18:05Now we're out of wine.
18:07Why don't I just run down to the store and get some?
18:09Oh, nice try.
18:11Everybody, conga!
18:13Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
18:17Well, traditionally, this is a group dance.
18:21Come on, Herman, conga!
18:22Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
18:24If I pay you, will you stop?
18:26Hey, leave her alone.
18:29She's trying to be nice.
18:31Herman, please.
18:32No, you know, every time you're around, you insult me.
18:34You insult my friends.
18:35Why don't you just take off?
18:37Herman, Sean is my friend.
18:39You can't just tell him to leave my apartment.
18:41So now we're back to it being your apartment when everything's okay.
18:44It's our apartment.
18:45But as soon as there's a disagreement, it's your apartment.
18:48There are people around.
18:49Yeah, I know.
18:50And one of them is a pompous ass.
18:52Now, is he leaving or am I?
18:53Maybe you should just go someplace and cool off.
18:56Fine.
19:06Everybody, mumbo!
19:16Hey, Jay, thanks for coming in and helping me move out.
19:18Glad to, Herm.
19:19In fact, you have no idea how much this means to me.
19:22Jay, where is the amazing bummer anyway?
19:26She went out early this morning.
19:27She thought this would be easier if she wasn't around.
19:30Everything is easier when she's not around.
19:32Jay, careful.
19:34Elizabeth and I are just moving back to separate places.
19:37We're not breaking up.
19:38We still want this to work out between us.
19:40No, you don't.
19:41Is this yours, Herm?
19:42No, it's Elizabeth's.
19:44You want it?
19:46Jay.
19:47Can I have it?
19:49Jay, please.
19:51Can we just collect my stuff and get out?
19:57Oh, go ahead.
19:58Take your best shot.
20:00Jay, could you leave us alone for a minute?
20:02Okay.
20:03I'll see you downstairs, Herm.
20:04What are you doing back so soon?
20:11I wanted to talk.
20:15Remember what you said one time about being willing to stick it out as long as I was willing?
20:19Yeah.
20:20I don't know if I'm willing anymore.
20:24What are you saying?
20:26Well, after all the fighting, I'm not sure that I feel the same way about you that I did.
20:30And I sure as hell can't be your idea of a dream companion anymore.
20:34Well, to tell you the truth, I was sort of hoping we could hang on to the great sex part
20:39without hanging on to the driving each other crazy part.
20:43I don't see how.
20:45No, it's easy.
20:46Here's what we do.
20:47Okay.
20:48We let X equal the great sex part.
20:49We let Y equal the driving each other crazy part.
20:52We subtract the Y from this part.
20:54We add another X.
20:56That eliminates the driving each other crazy part and doubles the great sex part.
21:05See me after class.
21:12We just don't seem to fit into each other's worlds.
21:15And we've pretty much proven that we can't live together, so...
21:20I guess it shouldn't be this hard, should it?
21:22Look, you feel free to stay here as long as you need to until you find a new place to live.
21:29I already have a new place.
21:32Sort of hung on to my old place.
21:35Good move, Slim.
21:38I gotta go.
21:41Elizabeth, wait.
21:43Please, let's not make this hard, too.
21:45What are you doing?
21:48I'm not giving up.
21:49I feel so close to her when she's vulnerable like this.
21:52No, it's too late.
21:58Guess you better be going now.
22:00Just pull the door closed when you leave.
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