- 3 hours ago
Heddy lights fire to Herman's work and gets fired.
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00:00That woman's not wearing underwear.
00:02Is that all you can think about?
00:04Food and sex?
00:06Yes. Please, focus!
00:08Look out!
00:16Hey, it's Jack!
00:18No time for small talk. We're late.
00:22Petty, hold the elevator!
00:24Petty!
00:30I think Louise is so sweet.
00:34I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:36I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:39And I think you are all idiots.
00:41That's gonna work!
01:00Louise, how's it going with that medical journal I asked you to check?
01:14I'm almost finished, Mr. Breckin.
01:17Herman! Herman!
01:19Will you take care of my cats when I'm gone?
01:21Oh, you're going away for the weekend, Louise?
01:23I'm going away for the dirt nap.
01:24I'm checking into the Mahogany Hotel.
01:26I'm becoming a ground monkey.
01:30What are you getting at?
01:31I'm dying, Herman.
01:33Look, I have all the symptoms!
01:35Pelvic discomfort, swelling, headaches...
01:38Louise...
01:39Louise, it's impossible for you to have this.
01:41But I think I do!
01:42Louise, you do not have testicular cancer.
01:46You don't have rickets,
01:47and you don't have the mysterious aging disease
01:49you saw on Star Trek last night.
01:51Damn your Vulcan logic, Herman!
01:57Mr. Breckin, I'm a little concerned about Louise.
01:59Ever since you gave her that medical journal to check,
02:00she's been imagining that she has all kinds of symptoms.
02:03Herman, it's nothing to worry about.
02:05It's a common syndrome for people under a lot of stress.
02:08Generally, it affects first-year medical students.
02:10They read about a disease, and then they think they have it.
02:13Don't you think it's a good idea to share this with Louise?
02:15Oh, I did, Herman.
02:16Maybe you ought to mention it again.
02:17I would, but she's working on that piece
02:19on spontaneous combustion.
02:21I don't want to get too close.
02:27Now she did it again.
02:28How do you put that nut-made crap in the coffee?
02:30Typical of the kind of things you've been doing
02:32for the last two weeks.
02:34I kind of like the coffee.
02:35So do I.
02:36The smell of hot, sweetened coffee
02:37is my most vivid memory of Grandma Brooks.
02:40Yeah, well, my most vivid memory of Grandma Brooks
02:42is her lying on a gurney in the hallway of a nursing home,
02:45unattended and naked.
02:49Thank you, I'd forgotten that.
02:55Hetty, you did it again.
02:57I'm sorry, Herman.
02:58Your wallet was just sitting there,
02:59and I needed $10 for lunch.
03:01All right, that does it.
03:04I want my $10 back,
03:05and I want you to stop putting that stuff in the coffee.
03:08Yeah, and I want John Kennedy Jr. to play Guess My Weight.
03:12Hetty, I'm not kidding.
03:13Neither am I.
03:14Hetty, I am asking you as nicely as I can.
03:16What are you going to put in here?
03:17All right, knock it off.
03:19I'm fed up with your bickering.
03:21What's it about this time?
03:22Well, come on.
03:23Let's tell him Hetty stole from us.
03:24Oh, don't be ridiculous.
03:26Just because we're getting a little fed up with Hetty
03:28does not mean we're going to become a tattletale.
03:30Yeah, we can't tell on Hetty.
03:31We're a man.
03:32Where are your stones?
03:35They're in a blind trust.
03:36I don't get them until I'm 50.
03:39Sorry, Mr. Bracken.
03:40It was all just a misunderstanding.
03:42I realize you two have trouble getting along,
03:44but I cannot have it interfering with the work in this office.
03:47And speaking of work,
03:49you're falling behind, Herman.
03:51I'm working 10 hours a day, Mr. Bracken.
03:53Nobody can do the amount of work you're expecting us to do.
03:56Here you go, Mr. Bracken.
03:57All finished, thanks to my new system.
04:00Well, whatever it is, it's working like a charm.
04:02Keep it up.
04:05Look, Herman, I'm sorry about before.
04:07Here's your $10.
04:09Sorry.
04:13Hetty, is that the system you've been using for the last two weeks,
04:15stumping your work on me?
04:17Let me think.
04:18Yeah, pretty much.
04:19What?
04:20Oh, now she's really starting to tick me off.
04:23Oh, why get upset over a little extra work?
04:25It's not about the work,
04:26and it's not about the nutmeg, gunk, and the coffee.
04:29This woman has been abusing us day in, day out.
04:32Next thing you know, she's gonna castrate us.
04:35Guess I look pretty smart
04:36having mine safely tucked away in a bank now, don't I?
04:41Well, I've had enough.
04:42Let me give her just one pop.
04:43No.
04:44We've always known Hetty is childish.
04:46We are not going to stoop to her level.
04:47If we do, we become just like her.
04:50You mean, we'd have breasts and everything,
04:52and soak ourselves up in the shower?
04:57Yeah.
04:59I am not going to do any more of your work.
05:02All right, Herman, I understand.
05:05Boy, I guess I screwed myself over now by playing these stupid little tricks.
05:08Well, that's too bad.
05:10I had something to do tonight,
05:11but I guess I'll just send flowers.
05:14Flowers? What for?
05:15Well, a friend of mine is in the hospital,
05:17and I promise I'll take care of her all night.
05:19She needs to be turned over periodically,
05:21and I thought better a loved one do it
05:23than one of those angry orderlies.
05:26All right, Hetty, I'll do your stupid work.
05:29Thank you, Herman.
05:30Oh, and Herman, you go to church, don't you?
05:32Well, yeah.
05:34Pray for her, Herman.
05:38What time is it?
05:452.15.
05:462.15?
05:47You mean we wasted the whole night doing our work?
05:51Wrong.
05:52We wasted the whole night doing Hetty's work.
05:54Yes, but our covering for Hetty allowed her
05:56to spend the whole night giving comfort to a friend in need.
05:59Oh, wait here for me, Dakota.
06:06I don't have much time, Herman.
06:08We just finished dancing in that new reggae club, Ganja,
06:10and now we're going voguing by the pier.
06:13Hetty, what about your friend in the hospital?
06:16Oh, right.
06:17Oh, he's much better, see?
06:20I just came by to pick up that work.
06:22I thought you said it was a woman.
06:25Oh, he was.
06:26I think we might have a malpractice sit on our hands.
06:30Thanks for doing the work, Herman.
06:31Go!
06:33Hey, Herman, I don't have much time.
06:34I just finished voguing on the pier,
06:35and I'm on my way to that new reggae club, Ganja.
06:36It's basically the circuit, the reggae club, the pier, and my apartment.
06:52Yeah, anyway, Herman, big news.
06:55I just got us a date with the Minnesota Twins.
06:58Well, Kirby Puckett's kind of cute, but I don't know, Jay.
07:02I always had more of a thing for Wade Boggs.
07:06Yeah, you know how much I normally enjoy homoerotic banter, but...
07:11Club Ganja closes at 3, so here's the thing.
07:13I am talking about those two raven-haired beauties from Minneapolis.
07:16They have the number one selling pin-up calendar.
07:19So, are you free Thursday night?
07:21Hell, yeah.
07:22You sure you're not going to be stuck doing all of Eddie's work for her?
07:24How did you find out about that?
07:25Everyone knows she's been playing you like a flute.
07:27They were all talking about it up in editorial.
07:29Very bad for the image, Herman.
07:31I mean, how does it look?
07:32I'm seen consorting with a known wuss.
07:34I'll catch you later.
07:38He's right. We have to fight back.
07:39Give me everything on this list.
07:41Why me?
07:42I thought you wanted to learn the business.
07:44After all, who am I going to leave all this to when I'm gone?
07:47Gone?
07:48What do you mean, gone?
07:50If you go, we all go.
07:51Ever heard of a stroke?
08:01Hi, Louise. How are you doing?
08:02Not so good. I have elephantiasis.
08:06I seriously doubt that, Louise.
08:08Oh, really?
08:09Then how do you explain my insatiable desire for peanuts,
08:11my yearning to perform under the big top,
08:13and that special new way I bathe myself?
08:18Louise, those are not the symptoms of elephantiasis.
08:21I hope you aren't getting that from the medical journal I asked you to check.
08:25No. I watched Dumbo last night.
08:29Louise, reading this medical journal has obviously made you imagine all types of ailments.
08:34Why don't I work on the journal, and you take this one on the British Navy and the Napoleonic Wars?
08:41Yes, sir.
08:44Blimey! I've got scurvy!
08:51There's Hetty.
08:52What ingenious diabolical plan have you come up with to get back at her?
08:55Uh, nothing.
08:56Nothing?
08:57I'm learning the business now, eh, boss?
09:00Don't call me boss.
09:01Don't call me boss.
09:02Don't write that down.
09:03Don't write that down.
09:04Don't write that down.
09:07I'm sorry, but I've got to do something to get back at Hetty.
09:10Look, it's over.
09:11Now, we know she's been sloughing work off on us, and we're just not going to do it anymore.
09:15Herman, I'm sorry for making me do all my work, and I swear, this is the last time.
09:21What's your excuse this time, Hetty?
09:22Well, if you must know, by the sheerest of happenstance, on the way to work today, I witnessed a brutal gangland-style execution, and I am the only person brave enough to step forward and tell my story.
09:34Sure, I fear for my life, but that's the way it must be if this great experiment called America is to live on.
09:39Hetty, look, either take this back or I'll tear it in pieces.
09:45You wouldn't tear that up, Herman.
09:47It's research.
09:49I'd like you to meet the Minnesota twins. This is Tina and Carly.
09:54It's Tina and Carly.
09:55I'm Tina.
09:56And I'm Carly.
09:58Oh, nice to meet you.
10:00Herman, by the way, that sore you gave me finally cleared up.
10:04Hetty, just ignore her.
10:10Great, Herman. All right, all right, it's gonna take some work, but I think I can fix this.
10:13Girls, wait. I have other friends.
10:17Hetty, this time, you have gone too far.
10:24Herman, you're such an amateur.
10:44Oh, you wouldn't dare.
10:46Watch me.
10:54People wouldn't panic. The building's on fire.
10:57Earl, grab my special files.
10:58Hetty, call the fire department.
10:59Herman, get rid of that flaming trash can on your desk.
11:03Earl, put back my special files.
11:05Hetty, cancel that call.
11:06Herman, what are you doing with a flaming trash can on your desk?
11:12What the hell is going on here?
11:15Herman, this is research. How could you let this happen?
11:19I want an explanation.
11:21I still think I can take her.
11:26How many fingers am I holding up?
11:2773.
11:29Well, it's closer than it usually gets.
11:32You gotta start fighting back, big guy.
11:33You're right. I'm going back in.
11:40Herman, I want to see you in my office.
11:42Mr. Bracken, it wasn't me.
11:44Hetty burned those files. Not only that, she hasn't done any work the last two weeks.
11:47I have done it all.
11:49What do you have to say for yourself?
11:52Well...
11:53Damn it, Hetty. Losing that work is going to set this department back a week.
11:57I've warned you before. I'm fed up with your behavior.
12:00You cause nothing but trouble around here. You're fired.
12:02Sorry I'm late, Mr. Bracken. I was at the doctor's again.
12:13Louise, I told you, you do not have any illnesses.
12:17Those symptoms were brought on by the articles I asked you to check.
12:20That's not true.
12:22All right.
12:23If you're so sure it has nothing to do with these articles, you can check this one on Tourette's Syndrome.
12:30Okay, thank you, sir.
12:32Son of a bitch butt-face. Whoop!
12:38Morning, Louise.
12:40Boy, sure seems peaceful around here without Hetty.
12:43Yeah, I suppose. Dog-faced rat bastard.
12:46Oh, no!
12:47Pardon me?
12:50I didn't say anything, Hermie.
12:52Dirtbag scumsucker, are ya?
12:55Louise, what are you trying to say?
12:57Nothing. Hetty did a lot of lousy things to all of us.
13:01Still, I hope she finds another job soon.
13:04Hetty's out of a job and it's our fault.
13:06Who cares? Our lives are much better off.
13:08No more of her bitchy attitude around the office.
13:11No more of her insults that make us feel like a cringing little worm.
13:14Actually, I kinda like that part.
13:19No more of her wearing those clingy little skirts that ride up her silken thighs.
13:23No more of those low-cut blouses that make you think of two perfect scoops of mashed potatoes.
13:29Oh, my God, what have we done?
13:32Hetty!
13:33Oh, if I know Hetty, she'll land on her feet.
13:40Good morning, Louise.
13:42Hi, Hetty, what are you doing here?
13:43I've come to pick up my last paycheck.
13:46Have you come up with some way to support yourself?
13:48Funny you should ask, Louise.
13:49I am now a personal assistant to an investment banker, and he's taking me to Bermuda for the weekend.
13:54Wow, Hetty, that sounds great.
13:56Yep.
13:57Well, well, if it isn't the boot-licking snitch.
14:02Well, well, if it isn't the back-stabbing witch.
14:08You gotta get that, Herman. You still work here.
14:14Research.
14:15Louise is back in a good mood. I gotta ask for my job back.
14:17Hetty, what about the banker?
14:19There's no banker, there's no personal assistant job.
14:22In fact, the job I have sucks.
14:25Well, it couldn't be that bad. It's not like you're selling door-to-door.
14:28Madame, are you familiar with the lovely here skincare products?
14:32Then again, your time's your own, and there's no pressure.
14:36No pressure? I'm working on commission, and I haven't been able to move a single bottle of this junk.
14:40Oh, well, Hetty, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it.
14:44Louise, are you okay?
14:46Yeah, why?
14:47Well, you've got these blotches on your neck, and also...
14:50Red puffy eyes, scaly skin, and chapped lips.
14:53Exactly.
14:54Oh, my God, I've got eczema, seborrheous psoriasis.
14:58If only there was some lotion that would clear that up.
15:02You don't think...
15:03Nah.
15:04You're not gonna tell me that stuff's gonna restore my creamy white complexion, are you?
15:08Hey, Michael Jackson swears by it.
15:11So, here's what I suggest.
15:13A whole set.
15:14That'll be $160, plus 20 bucks for the suitcase.
15:21Excuse me, Mr. Bracken, may I speak to you for a minute?
15:23Louise, what's Hetty doing with Bracken?
15:25She's asking for her old job back. There is no banker.
15:28She's selling stuff door-to-door.
15:29Well, I'm afraid she brought it on herself.
15:32I don't know how many other ways to say that I'm sorry.
15:35Damn it, Hetty. Why do you act the way you do?
15:38Because I have a lot of unresolved anger stemming from being a woman in a man's world.
15:42I know it's wrong to take it out on those I care about.
15:45It's very wrong, Hetty, as is your behavior in this office.
15:48I'm just not confident you can change.
15:50I can change, Mr. Bracken.
15:52Never realized how lucky I was to have this job.
15:55To work with you.
15:57To learn from you, a man who truly loves research.
16:01I do love research.
16:04God help me, but I do love it so.
16:07And I still have so much to teach you.
16:09I know.
16:10So can I have my job back?
16:12First of all, you're going to have to start carrying your own weight.
16:15But most important, I cannot have you and Herman disrupting the office.
16:19Now, do you feel you can settle your differences?
16:22Of course we can.
16:23Well, if you can patch things up with Herman, I'll consider hiring you back.
16:29Herman, since I was fired to become a better person, a sensitive person, a new person,
16:32and Mr. Bracken says that if you and I can resolve our differences,
16:35then I can have my job back.
16:37So what do you say, Herman?
16:40Please?
16:41No, she deserves every bit of what she's going through.
16:44Yeah, she humiliated us in front of everyone.
16:46But she's learned her lesson.
16:47We should forgive her.
16:48Well, you're supposed to be learning the business.
16:50What would you do in this situation?
16:53Let's forgive her.
16:54No way, we don't forgive her.
16:56We can't forgive her.
16:57We have to forgive her.
16:58Yes, we have to forgive her.
17:01How am I doing?
17:02I think I'm going to bring someone in from the outside.
17:07Well, Hedy, as long as you're through taking advantage of people, then I'm willing to give you enough-
17:12Hedy, here's a check for that goop you sold me.
17:14Do you really think it'll fade the red spots on my neck?
17:17Shut up, Louise.
17:18Louise?
17:19I don't have any red spots on your neck.
17:21Well, Hedy said that-
17:23Hey, you give me back that check.
17:25And you can take back that garbage you tried to sell me, too.
17:28Oh, well.
17:29You keep that skin toner as our gift.
17:31Oh, I think I was this close to missing you.
17:36The new Hedy, huh?
17:38I should have known.
17:39For a minute there, I was actually sorry you lost your job.
17:42I don't think you're ever going to change.
17:45Thanks a lot, Herman.
17:49That ought to do it.
17:51Yeah, we are looking good.
18:02Time to bring out the Minnesota Twins.
18:05Yeah, thank God Jay convinced him that Hedy was lying.
18:08Yeah, I hope Jay doesn't try and stick us with the ugly one.
18:11Identical twins, you nitwit.
18:13Because what you're saying is, if Jay sticks us with the ugly one, we can switch him and he'll never know the difference.
18:29Hey, bud, let's go.
18:30Limo's waiting.
18:31Let me just get my jacket.
18:32Do you have a band-aid?
18:33Uh, yeah, in the bathroom.
18:36Is she okay?
18:37Oh, yeah, she just got her head caught in the moonroof.
18:40Don't, uh, let that throw you, Herman.
18:44They're really very bright.
18:45Something's wrong.
18:47It's not sticking.
18:50You have to peel back the plastic.
18:55We're not mechanically inclined.
19:02Let's just go.
19:03Yeah.
19:05Oh, Herman, I need to talk to you.
19:07I'm sorry, Hedy, but this is not a good time. Let's go.
19:09Herman, you can't just leave without talking to me.
19:11Look, we've said everything we have to say to each other.
19:13Uh, if you're not downstairs in five minutes, they might be brain-dead.
19:16Now let's go.
19:19Look, Hedy, you have to leave now.
19:21Herman, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've never felt so alone.
19:24I'm afraid, Herman, I'm afraid.
19:30Right. We'll lock the door when you leave.
19:31Herman!
19:32All right, you've got five minutes. Who are you calling?
19:40Someone?
19:41Hello?
19:43No, operator, I don't want this call to go through.
19:45Y-yeah, good-eye to you too, Mike.
19:49Thank you, Herman.
19:50Thank you for not letting me talk to my foster child in Australia.
19:55Knock it off.
19:57Look, you're doing it again. Why do you always take advantage of people?
20:00Because I have a lot of unresolved anger stemming from being a woman in a man's world.
20:03Oh, don't give me that crap.
20:04What is it gonna take to get my job back?
20:06You want me to apologize? Fine.
20:08I apologize for embarrassing you in front of your lovely date.
20:11That's not what this is about.
20:13All right, I am sorry I burned your report.
20:15Hedy, it's not just that.
20:17Sorry I charged all that stuff to your credit card.
20:20It's not just what?
20:22Oh, I'm thinking of somebody else. Let's move on.
20:26You know what your problem is? You use people.
20:28You trick them into doing things that you want.
20:30That's because if I asked, they wouldn't do it.
20:32Hedy, just this week, you asked me to do your work so you could visit your sick friend, and I did it.
20:37Oh, sure, bring that up.
20:40People do things for you all the time.
20:42Like when?
20:43Like the time your car broke down in Philadelphia and Louise came and picked you up.
20:46Oh, sure, bring that up.
20:49Hedy, it's obvious you have no idea...
20:50Herman, remember two weeks ago when everyone came over here after work for that little party?
20:54Yes, and as I remember, you couldn't come.
20:57You remember wrong, Herman.
20:59You could have come.
21:00You didn't invite me.
21:03Really?
21:04Yes, really.
21:09The truth is, Hedy, I always figure you want nothing to do with us.
21:11I mean, you can't blame me.
21:12It's very hard to feel close to someone who's always taking.
21:15I mean, let's face it, the only reason you're in this situation right now is because all you've been doing is taking.
21:23And I personally don't want to give you anymore.
21:26So what am I supposed to do?
21:28Well, you're either going to have to learn to give something back, or find another room to take advantage of.
21:36Look, you can leave whenever you want, but if you don't mind, Jay and the girls are waiting for me downstairs,
21:40and I don't want to get stuck with the ugly one.
21:44Herman, tell you what, when you go out on your date, I'll do your work.
21:51Okay, and I'll talk to Mr. Bracken.
21:53Herman, there are some things I want to give back to you.
21:56Well, that's good to know.
21:58So, here's your credit card.
22:03We wouldn't have done you any good anyway, Hedy, it's maxed out.
22:05Yeah, I know.
22:06I know.
22:09Baby steps.
22:17Passion made them lovers.
22:19Destiny made them legends.
22:21Kathleen Quinlan and Kevin Spacey guest star in an all-new Tribeca.
22:25Tuesday at 9, 8 central.
22:27Now, stay tuned for an all-new Flying Blind.
22:36I know.
22:37I know.
22:38I know.
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