- 7 weeks ago
involves Mr. Crawford proudly introducing his new, much younger girlfriend, Stephanie (played by Rena Sofer), forcing Herman and Heddy into an awkward double date, only for Stephanie to dump Crawford and become infatuated with Herman, leaving him in a complicated situation.
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00:00Troubled?
00:01That woman's not wearing underwear.
00:04Is that all you can think about?
00:06Food and sex?
00:08Yes. Please, focus.
00:10Look out!
00:17Hey, it's jacked!
00:21No time for small talk, we're late.
00:23Hetty, hold the elevator.
00:26My head!
00:30I think Louise is so sweet.
00:36I think this woman is wearing underwear.
00:39I think there's too many people in this elevator.
00:41And I think you are all idiots.
00:44It's gonna work!
00:44It's gonna work!
00:45Oh, turn to the comic section.
01:02I want to see what's going on with Family Circus.
01:04I want to read Kathy.
01:06She speaks for all women.
01:08Oh, stop it!
01:10I want to see the living section.
01:11Why the living section?
01:12There's nothing but Dear Abby and the recipes.
01:14Oh, you're forgetting the brides.
01:17Wednesday, they're featuring full-figured gals.
01:22Whoa, there's one big gal.
01:24Now, here's an interesting article.
01:27Oh, let's read our horoscope.
01:29All right, the horoscope.
01:30Let's see.
01:31Cancer.
01:33Oh, my God!
01:34No!
01:35Idiot!
01:36That's our sign!
01:39You have six months to live.
01:42Oh, my God!
01:43I love doing that to him.
01:49Hey, look at that.
01:51According to this column, women today just want to be cuddled.
01:54Oh, my God!
01:59I love doing that to him.
02:02This city is exciting.
02:05Dangerous.
02:06Troubled.
02:08That woman's not wearing underwear.
02:10Is that all you can think about?
02:12Food and sex.
02:14Yes.
02:14Please, focus.
02:16Look out!
02:23Hey, Jack!
02:27No drivers from Voltar.
02:28We're late.
02:30Petty, hold the elevator.
02:32Abby!
02:32I think Louise is so sweet.
02:42I think this woman is wearing underwear.
02:45I think there's too many people in this elevator.
02:47And I think you are all idiots.
02:50Let's go to work.
02:51La-oh!
02:53Woo!
02:54Woo!
02:56La-ah, la-ah.
02:59La-ah, la.
03:00Oh, oh, u-ah!
03:04Woo!
03:06Woo!
03:07Oh, u-ah.
03:08Ha-ha!
03:11Ah, oh, u-ah.
03:13And I think that time for you.
03:15what is that smell oh my god it's us it's not us is it i don't remember if we used
03:33deodorant this morning there's only one way to find out the check
03:38don't worry herman it's not you it smelled like that all morning
03:47i think it's mr bracken oh is he getting that old people smell already
03:51listen up people we've been experiencing computer glitches all morning so print out all your work
03:58on hard copy what are you people doing nothing you were smelling me weren't you why would we smell
04:05you because you noticed that foul stench well i noticed it too first in my office i came in here
04:10was here too i even detected it out in the hallway funny it's everywhere you are
04:15louise your cuteness does not afford you blanket protection
04:21okay you were not gonna believe what happened to me last night you met a woman okay if you're not
04:32gonna take me seriously i'm not gonna tell the story i'm sorry jay what happened i met a woman
04:36went back to her place she immediately ties me to the bed you're kidding so she's standing over me
04:45in garters and black pumps i'm manacled to a four-poster bed her mother walks in
04:51her mother oh my god what did she do she started spanking me
04:56what the mother we're all going on oprah next week
05:01come on take this up to mr crawford please oh yes sir
05:07have fun with crawford that guy has been so depressed since his wife left him
05:14i am the happiest man on earth i'm little mary sunshine i'm in love
05:20are you as terrified as i am i'm out of here
05:24oh mr crawford these are for you uh if you'll excuse me i have a lot of work to do
05:29work and wait sherman don't you understand i've met stephanie
05:34who's stephanie stephanie is the first meaningful relationship i've had since my divorce
05:39you see when my wife left me i thought my life was over it's a good thing stephanie came along
05:44when she did are you kidding i feel like i'm born again only this time i don't have to wear diapers
05:50unless i want to did i mention that i have a lot of work oh then i'll get to the point
05:57i think the four of us should have dinner the four of us you me my new girlfriend and one of your
06:03bimbos i'm sorry mr crawford i'm fresh out of bimbos oh i see
06:08we'll bring lois lois do you eat much no
06:13well good it's a date we'll go to the safari club
06:17oh i was one to go there but i hear it's terribly expensive and almost impossible to get in
06:21not for me i'm one of the movers and shakers fortunately i have medication that keeps that
06:26under control
06:27don't you have anyone else that you can double date with i see all my friends are old
06:32stephanie's a few years younger than i am so i wanted her to see that i have some hip young
06:36friends sure we're hardly friends well you're hardly hip but but you're all i've got so will
06:43you do it this sounds like trouble maybe so but it is an excellent opportunity to yes you think he's
06:51gonna say advance our career advance our career is correct and what were you gonna say uh i bet
07:00it all on hooters all right mr crawford i'll do it oh good i'll have my limo pick both of you up at
07:11your apartment friday at seven and take a shower you smell like bracken
07:14oh louise you look nice is that a new outfit yes it is this is a really hot club so i thought i should get myself something incredibly special
07:21boy i never spent this much in an outfit before but i said to myself damn it louise you deserve it
07:36oh you got it you got a tag showing let me pull it off don't touch that herman i'm returning it monday
07:45oh hi mr crawford we were just on our way down
07:51chairman lois this is stephanie
07:54don't say anything
07:58hi
08:04hi hello stephanie hi
08:07chairman's my protege he's gonna run waterton one of these days
08:10really he's exaggerating no i'm not you never disappoint me
08:14so where are the hors d'oeuvres i i didn't prepare any hors d'oeuvres
08:18i'm very disappointed well i i thought we were going straight to the restaurant oh we are but i
08:23thought it'd be nice we could sit and chat for a minute okay so stephanie don't talk to her
08:29come here we have to talk strategy strategy you may not have noticed that stephanie is a few years
08:36younger than i am 27 years to be exact that's why i'm here i don't understand damn it man it's so
08:44simple i'm 52 she's 25 do the math yeah can i can i do the math later that's a good idea we're in a hurry i want you to
08:52talk to stephanie and find out if she is as serious as i am but we have to be subtle lois let's powder our
09:01noses
09:07um louise go ahead it'll be all right it'll be all right for you you're not the one going into the bathroom with him
09:15i am really looking forward to the safari club oh i know me too you know jim takes me to the most
09:21interesting places sometimes we will jet all the way to seattle to this little restaurant he knows
09:25about that serves authentic new york style pizza
09:28well
09:31we live in new york why don't you just go downtown well jim likes to do things a little differently
09:38yeah i guess you got it so i i guess things are serious between you and mr crawford
09:45did jim ask you to talk to me well it's just that i'm sort of curious
09:50well i like jim he's fun and he's spontaneous unfortunately he's also eight years older than my
09:58father great if she breaks up with crawford that'll give us a chance to uh yes
10:05i think he was gonna say do her like she's never been done before
10:12no i'm sorry in your answer i think he's gonna say grease her up and teach her the snake dance
10:20that's not it either if she breaks up with crawford we would have a chance to
10:24hooters
10:25hooters
10:29hey you gotta dance with the girl what brung you
10:33well we're certainly not going to say that we are here to help stephanie you gotta ask yourself
10:38if he's the right guy you know if you connect and if you do it wouldn't matter if you were 97
10:44yeah and if you don't connect it wouldn't matter if he were my age i guess that's true
10:49stephanie lois needs your help in there it's some kind of a woman's thing
10:54excuse me sherman actually it's herman
11:01oh
11:01i am as giddy as a school girl
11:08what did she say well she says she likes you that's all i need to hear that's all i need to
11:12hear i am floating on air stephanie let's go we'll have to cancel the double date what that's
11:19it you're leaving stephanie and i are going to go celebrate i feel like some authentic mexican
11:24food montreal here we come hello oh hey jay what's up no no as a matter of fact my plans just fell
11:35through what great great i'll see you there
11:55research jupiter's third moon oh my god the computer is down oh my god
12:02louise are you all right my computer is down mine too they're all down first the horrendous
12:11odor now this god is testing us couldn't he give us a couple of multiple choice questions
12:17now there's nothing to worry about research existed long before computers it'll exist
12:22long after we'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way make things up
12:26no in my day we used books it was harder it took longer but it was purer it's just you and the
12:35research well i guess we'll have to return to those thrilling days of yesteryear
12:40do we get to wear period costumes
12:44no mr bracken times have changed we can't possibly keep up with these deadlines without the computers
12:50why would you just tell everybody everything's gonna be late never this department will never
12:55miss a deadline as long as i'm alive i understand you completely mr bracken we're gonna have to kill
13:00him don't worry people we'll get through this okay sherman and i have to talk everybody out
13:09croppett we're very busy here oh fine everybody in sherman out
13:14sherman stephanie left me what why well she didn't say why it's very obvious i'm too old
13:23maybe it's just temporary no i'll always be too old
13:28i mean maybe she'll come back to you i just have this feeling that she'll never come back to me
13:32never never never now what makes you say that she said i'll never come back to you never never never
13:37it's a sham love doesn't exist look why don't you take the day off just go home and relax i can't be
13:45alone i might do something drastic we have to do something we should comfort him in his time of need
13:52i'm willing to make a gesture but let's not push it mr crawford thank you sherman i'll be at your house
13:58at eight i guess i'll see you there then and sherman we're friends for life but for god's sake this
14:04time serve some hors d'oeuvres or you and i are through
14:17hi herman stephanie what are you doing here well i came by to thank you for your advice
14:22what advice you know that if two people don't connect they shouldn't be together
14:27i said that yes and you were right jim and i we were not connecting and i need to be with someone
14:34that i connect with and i think that someone could be you that is a bad idea what's the matter with
14:42you she's available oh think oh you're waiting for her to get drunk
14:52no it's a bad idea to go out with her because crawford still has feelings for her
14:57i don't like to be the harbinger of doom oh well actually i do
15:02after all you gotta go with your strengths is there a point to all this
15:07oh yeah well we have to get rid of this woman because crawford is on his way over
15:16hey you know sometime we should talk about this but uh not right now that's mr crawford oh it would be a
15:21a good idea if you didn't see me here probably
15:28ah chairman thanks for having me over i'm so depressed well why don't we go out and talk
15:32about it huh no time to talk i've got to pee well you can't go in there i uh i have a friend here
15:38oh i see you have you have a girl in here yeah yeah girl got a girl well i don't want to ruin your
15:44good time i don't want to ruin your carpet i better get the hell out of here
15:46oh one more thing i thought he'd never leave stephanie
15:55sherman she left me for you no mr crawford you don't understand i understand perfectly
16:01you're like my son and you turned on me i feel like that menendez guy
16:07mr crawford mr crawford that's just not true don't tell me how i feel i feel like that menendez guy
16:14i feel like that menendez guy
16:17you betrayed me
16:27research please hold mr bracken we can't go on like this yes we can louise go
16:35the seven dwarves the names of all the marx brothers and the stooges the nine supreme
16:39court justices happy groucho sandra dale o'connor
16:42gordon
16:51galia
16:51glumbo david h
16:52schuyzer
16:53curly and kennedy
16:55chimp harry black with curry
16:56joe jump off team the third empire
16:57and harry
17:06what's that smell
17:07No one knows. Next question.
17:11Capital on North Dakota?
17:12Bismarck. Next question.
17:13Stephanie, what are you doing here?
17:14I don't know. Next question.
17:17Hi to the 100th decimal place.
17:23Herman, look, I want to apologize about the other night.
17:26It was just so awkward with Jim there. I just had to leave.
17:29I hope he isn't mad at you.
17:31I haven't spoken to him since then.
17:32He hasn't been into work and he's not returning my calls.
17:35Well, he's going to have to accept the fact that it's over between us.
17:38And that I could see other guys if I want.
17:40And I was kind of hoping that you and I could...
17:43Yeah, Stephanie, I have to admit, I'm a little uncomfortable about this.
17:46Look, I'd like to make it up to you.
17:49A friend of mine is having a gallery opening tonight.
17:52Don't think of it as a date.
17:53I don't think that's such a good idea.
17:55There'll probably be a lot of celebrities there.
17:57I'm not sure.
17:58Probably some famous writers.
17:59I don't know.
18:00There'll be free cheese.
18:02Okay.
18:02Okay? Great. I'll call you later.
18:08Wow.
18:08Hey, hey.
18:10Who's the chick?
18:11Oh, she's...
18:11Just a friend.
18:12Yeah, I'm going to a gallery opening with her tonight.
18:15Oh, where'd you meet her?
18:16What difference does that make?
18:17You don't want to tell me.
18:19What?
18:20You're ashamed of where you met her.
18:21She's a stripper, isn't she?
18:24No.
18:24Porno actress?
18:25No, of course not.
18:27I'm not saying hardcore.
18:27Or, you know, something like Girls of Spring Break or Amateur Lesbians, something like that, maybe.
18:33Ooh, ooh, ooh, I envy you.
18:34Oh, stop it, Jay.
18:35The truth is I met her when she was dating Mr. Crawford.
18:39That is sick.
18:41Come on, a second ago you were happy because you thought she was a porno star.
18:44Hey, hey, random sex with seedy guys in front of a camera for the pleasure of faceless men around the world is one thing,
18:49but dating Crawford?
18:51Something's wrong with her.
18:52One, four, three, two, one.
18:57One, four, three, two, one.
19:01The computers are back in line.
19:03That was maintenance.
19:04Seems a rat shoots at the computer cables and electrocutes itself.
19:07Its corpse has been rotting in the crawlspace for the last two weeks.
19:11Well, that would account for the smell.
19:14You have your theory, I have mine.
19:17Hey, you did it, Mr. Bracken.
19:19Yeah, you're like John Henry.
19:20You're better than a machine.
19:21Well, don't you tell that to my wife, or I'll never have a moment to myself.
19:29Thank you for coming with me to the gallery.
19:31My pleasure, I had fun.
19:32I've never seen so many different varieties of cheese in my life.
19:37The art wasn't bad either.
19:38If you like art, you should see the work I had commissioned.
19:41Oh, what is it, a painting or a sculpture?
19:43It's a tattoo of a naked woman.
19:46I'll show it to you when we get back to my place.
19:48Well, why don't we just walk for a while?
19:53Mm-hmm.
19:53Oh, my God, it's Mr. Crawford.
20:05Oh, I don't want to see him right now, Herman.
20:06Come on, let's go.
20:07Okay, just leave without seeing if he's okay.
20:09Oh, Herman, this is just such an uncomfortable situation.
20:12Come on.
20:13Well, let's clear what we have to do.
20:15Yep.
20:16Go back to our apartment with Stephanie and perform unspeakable acts with her.
20:19Then call up Jay and speak about it.
20:23Wrong answer.
20:24I knew I should have said Hooters.
20:28Stephanie, why don't you grab one of those cabs over there and I'll call you tomorrow.
20:31Herman.
20:31I'm sorry, I can't leave him like this.
20:35All right, call me tomorrow.
20:41Mr. Crawford.
20:43Sorry, son, you do?
20:44I know you.
20:45Mr. Crawford, it's me, Herman.
20:46Eh?
20:47Herman.
20:47It doesn't ring a bell.
20:50Sherman.
20:52I didn't recognize you.
20:53My vision isn't what it used to be.
20:55Since two days ago?
20:57A lot can change in two days.
20:58For one thing, I've retired.
21:00What?
21:01I guess I was getting too old for the dog-eat-dog world of publishing.
21:05But it's probably just as well.
21:06I never was able to develop a taste for dog.
21:10Let's get over.
21:12Talk to me.
21:14Oh, Sherman.
21:15When my wife left me, I felt very alone and I hated it.
21:20And then when Stephanie left me, I felt more alone and I hated it more.
21:24So why did you come to the park?
21:26I just wanted to be alone.
21:30Mr. Crawford, listen, you're going to have to feel bad for a while.
21:34There's just no way around it.
21:36You know, and eventually you will feel better and you will meet someone else.
21:40I thought Stephanie might be that someone else.
21:44I don't think she was.
21:45I mean, you just latched on to her because you didn't want to be alone.
21:48She's not the person for you.
21:49Sherman, she had this tattoo of a young Vietnamese boy.
21:54Yeah.
21:55Yeah, actually, I think it was a naked woman.
21:58Oh, now I want her even more.
22:01Oh, cruel irony.
22:05I feel so alone.
22:07You are not alone.
22:08You have people that care about you, like me.
22:12You mean that?
22:13I always thought you hung around with me to advance your career.
22:17Let's face it, Mr. Crawford.
22:19Hanging around with you has never advanced my career.
22:23And I'm still here.
22:25Then you really are my friend.
22:27Either that or I'm incredibly stupid.
22:28So which is it?
22:31I don't have all night.
22:35Oh, my God.
22:35I guess I am your friend.
22:39That's wonderful, Sherman.
22:41Let's celebrate.
22:42Are you hungry?
22:43I know a place where we can get a great Chicago deep dish pizza.
22:46Should I get my passport?
22:49Good God, no.
22:49If they find out you're an American, they'll kill you.
22:52Oh, by the way, if you want to see Stephanie, you have my blessing.
22:56Oh, Mr. Crawford, I really wouldn't want to go out with her because I know it would hurt you.
23:00Well, thank God.
23:01Because if I ever saw you two together, I'd have to kill all three of us.
23:05As long as you start with yourself.
23:07Of course.
23:08I'm the boss.
23:15Are you ready?
23:16Yes.
23:16Here's your clue.
23:19Um.
23:19Um.
23:20Wheels!
23:21Wheels!
23:21Um.
23:22Wheels!
23:22Uh.
23:23Bird!
23:24Eyes!
23:24Uh.
23:25I said how I...
23:26Okay, try again.
23:27Try again.
23:29Oh!
23:30Oh!
23:31Hooters!
23:32Yeah!
23:33Yeah!
23:34Congratulations.
23:34Congratulations.
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