- 17 hours ago
When Binghamton discovers how superstitious McHale and The Crew are, he devises a plan to scare them into transferring out.
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TVTranscript
00:00All right, Chuck, let's get all this stuff on board and I'm going to report to Binghamton.
00:08What are you going to report, Skip? Are we almost bagged that Nip PT boat?
00:12Ah, look, was it our fault that Squall sat in just when we had him in range?
00:15Well, look, boys, that's the breaks of the game.
00:17Breaks, Mike.
00:19It's just been bad luck all day.
00:21Sure, like piling up on that sandbar and losing that case of beer.
00:25What are you guys griping about? I was sitting on it when it went overboard.
00:27The way I see it, we were lucky to get back at all.
00:30Do you guys know what day it is? Friday the 13th.
00:33Friday the 13th? Oh, brother.
00:35No wonder everything went wrong.
00:37I knew we should have stayed in bed.
00:38Now, will you guys knock it off?
00:40The first thing you know, you're going to be looking for ghosts in the rigging.
00:44Believe me, Friday the 13th is no different than any other day.
00:48I think.
00:49Absolutely. And nobody with any sense believes in that superstitious junk.
00:53Hey.
00:55Hey, you black cat.
00:57You all right, Mr. Parker?
01:01Did you hurt yourself, sir?
01:03Never mind. Let me get me out of here. Help!
01:07Parker!
01:07You got to have to go hot in front of me.
01:10Put this thread up here.
01:10Put this thread up here.
01:11Put it in again, man.
01:13Go, go, go, go, go.
01:14Go, go, go, go.
01:15Go, go, go, go, go.
01:16Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
01:16¶¶
01:46So help me, Parker.
02:04If it's the last thing I ever do,
02:05I'll see that you get ten years in the brig
02:07for every bone that you broke.
02:09How old were you, sir?
02:10Why don't you sit down, Captain?
02:11You're all on edge, sir.
02:13Now don't you try and soft-soap me, McHale.
02:15This time I've got proof
02:17that this imbecile tried to kill me.
02:19X-rays don't lie.
02:20Sir, your X-rays just came back from the lab.
02:25Not a single solitary break.
02:27Not a single...
02:30Not even a little bone fracture?
02:33Sir, you must be one of steel.
02:35Hey, boy, that's great, Wally.
02:37Now you won't be eating this.
02:39I swear I'm going to kill him.
02:41No, no, no, no, no, no, please, please, sir.
02:43Well, Mr. Parker didn't mean any harm, sir.
02:46Well, you see, the fellas were all superstitious,
02:49and all he was trying to do
02:50was to prevent a black cat
02:51from jumping on a 73, so that's all.
02:53Yeah, that's right.
02:53You know, a black cat is seven years' bad luck,
02:55and you multiply that by Friday the 13th.
02:57And I've, uh...
02:58Or is that mirrors?
03:02Well, man, can you...
03:03Sir, I'll take you right back to X-ray.
03:06Maybe this time you have a break.
03:07Oh, man, can you take me anywhere?
03:09Just get your hands off of me.
03:10You men get out of my sight.
03:11Get out, out, out.
03:12Yes, sir, and thank you so much
03:13for your patience, sir.
03:16Don't you worry about your bad leg.
03:17It never hurt a naval career.
03:19Look at Long John Silver.
03:20Oh, yeah, just...
03:21All right, Captain, bye!
03:25Black cats.
03:26Friday the 13th,
03:28I've never heard such flimsy excuses
03:29for an attack on a superior officer in my life.
03:33How stupid do they think I am?
03:34Well, sir, I got...
03:37Sir, I was really going to say
03:38that you know that sailors
03:39have always been superstitious.
03:41You know how they believe in things
03:42like ill omens and jinx ships,
03:45and then they...
03:45Well, shut your big mouth,
03:46and you keep it shut.
03:49God, defending those pirates to me,
03:51I...
03:53Wait a minute.
03:55What did you say?
03:56Repeat what you just said.
03:58Come on, Elroy.
03:59Talk, talk, talk.
04:00Sir, if I don't talk, I don't try.
04:01Oh, no, I don't talk, I don't try.
04:03Oh, that's very good, Elroy.
04:04You ought to take a ventriloquism.
04:06You say you were superstitious, Elroy,
04:08and you were on what you thought
04:09was a jinxed ship in combat waters.
04:12What would you do?
04:12What, what, what, what?
04:13What would you do?
04:15Oh, well, sir, I'd be begging my CO
04:18for a transfer to anywhere.
04:19But I don't see what a brilliant idea, sir.
04:21That's absolutely brilliant.
04:22We make them think
04:23that the 73 boat is jinxed.
04:26Uh-huh.
04:26Oh, sir, you...
04:28Oh, whoever said Friday the 13th was unlucky.
04:32Oh, I...
04:33Sir, that's my hat.
04:37Oh.
04:41Oh, for cold beer.
04:42Hi.
04:44Skip, what are you doing to our boat?
04:45They changed our number.
04:46It's a 13th.
04:48That doesn't tell us to dismiss.
04:49Uh-uh.
04:52Oh, come on.
04:54All right, copy.
04:55What's the idea of putting that number on our boat?
04:57Yeah, we're the 73, not the 13th.
05:00Come on, Gibbs, start talking, copy.
05:03Well, now, I...
05:04I really shouldn't say anything, but...
05:07According to this letter,
05:08your boat was originally commissioned PT-13.
05:12Someone changed the one to a seven
05:14after that disaster.
05:16What are you talking about?
05:17What disaster?
05:17Tell us.
05:17Come on, Gibbs, start talking,
05:19or you'll have a little disaster right here.
05:21Well, all right.
05:24All the gory details are right here in this report.
05:27It says...
05:28Oh, the coxswain!
05:29How are you doing with that letter?
05:30Wow, wow, wow, wow.
05:31Nothing, sir.
05:32Nothing.
05:32I...
05:33Nothing.
05:33I told you,
05:34just change the number on their boat
05:36and keep your big, fat mouth shut.
05:38I don't know.
05:39Now, wait a minute, Captain.
05:39If there's something in that letter
05:40we should know about...
05:41I will decide what you should know
05:43about around here, McHale.
05:44But, Captain...
05:45Stay quiet.
05:46Now, you take that letter back to my office
05:48and you file it.
05:49Then you meet me at the supply shack
05:51for inventory move.
05:52Hubba, hubba, hubba.
05:52Yes.
05:53But, Captain...
05:54Quiet, I said.
05:55The same goes for you and your pirates.
05:56You take the 13 boat and you move.
05:58Move, move!
05:59Now, Captain...
06:00Move.
06:04What's going on?
06:05There's something about all this
06:06that just doesn't smell kosher to me.
06:08Our sentiment's exactly, Skip.
06:09And there's only one way to find out.
06:12Huh?
06:31There you go, Skip.
06:32It was easy as borrow an ice cream from an escape pod.
06:34Come on, Steve!
06:35Steve!
06:35You ate the pipe down.
06:38Hey, guys, dig.
06:39It says here she really was commissioned PT-13.
06:42Oh, no.
06:42On her first day out,
06:43the whole crew was drowned.
06:45What do you mean, drowned?
06:46It says right here
06:46they were blown up
06:47when the gas tanks exploded.
06:49Yeah, that was the second crew, though.
06:50See, it says she lost two crews.
06:52Look at all the accidents she had.
06:54They never could find out why.
06:56I wonder she's been afloating Jonah.
06:57She's jinxed.
06:58Guys, we're living on borrowed time.
07:00Oh, come on, you calamity.
07:02Hounds, knock it off.
07:03PT-73 or 13.
07:05She's still the same boat
07:06and she's been mighty good to us.
07:08I'll put this letter back in the files
07:09and forget it.
07:10You read me?
07:10Forget it.
07:11Forget it, Skip.
07:12No buts about it.
07:13And the next guy who opens up his yap
07:15about jinxes or Jonas
07:16answers to me.
07:17Understand?
07:18Move out.
07:20Too bad, sir.
07:21It'll never work
07:22as long as Commander McHale is around.
07:25He is not going to be around,
07:26you ninny.
07:27We're ready for phase two.
07:29I'm sending him up to conflate
07:31as a special courier.
07:33Good night.
07:34You are, sir.
07:35Oh, good old.
07:36And while the cat's away,
07:38we lower the boom
07:39on the rats.
07:41Boom!
07:43Oh, thank you, Elmar.
07:45Oh, it's you, Mr. Parker.
07:59Hey, did you guys hear
07:59that funny noise down by the boat?
08:01No, I didn't hear anything.
08:02Come on, Mr. Parker.
08:03We've got enough problems as it is
08:04without you starting to imagine things.
08:06Why don't you go back to sleep, huh?
08:08Parker?
08:09What was that?
08:10Sounded like the 73.
08:11You mean the 13th.
08:12Oh, boy.
08:13What a time for the skipper to be away.
08:15There's no one on board.
08:17Huh?
08:18Then who started the engines?
08:20Well, I'm going to find out.
08:23Oh, maybe we all better find out.
08:26Turn on the lights.
08:31Here they come, sir.
08:33I can hardly wait to see
08:34the expression on their faces
08:35when I pull the string.
08:36Get down and nitwit.
08:38Nobody pulls your string.
08:41Hey, the boat's running all by itself.
08:43Like it was haunted or something.
08:46Only jinx.
08:46She's a regular ghost ship.
08:48Oh, calm down, you guys.
08:49We all know there's no such thing
08:50as ghosts.
08:53Follow me.
08:54I take it back.
09:04I believe.
09:05I believe.
09:13What could have started them engines
09:14in that gun?
09:15I don't know.
09:16I ain't hanging around to find out.
09:17Me either.
09:18Fighting the nips is one thing,
09:20but this we're not getting paid for.
09:21Now, wait a minute, guys.
09:21Calm down.
09:22Now, we're supposed to be sailors
09:23in the United States Navy.
09:24We're supposed to be brave
09:25and fearless
09:25and above all men.
09:29What was that?
09:30Sounded like it came from below.
09:32Yeah.
09:33Pull yourself together, Virgil.
09:34Whoever it is
09:35must have started those engines
09:36and fired that gun.
09:37Yeah.
09:48Well, now, see,
09:48I told you guys
09:49there's nothing to worry about.
09:50All it was is a little black.
09:51All right.
09:52A bad in shape.
09:53A bad in the dark.
09:54Good morning, Elrond.
10:04Good morning, sir.
10:05Sir, they've arrived.
10:06And by gig,
10:07they're afraid to even get on PT-13.
10:12This is my finest hour.
10:14Oh, yes, sir.
10:14Is the radio message ready?
10:16We've got to work fast
10:16before McHale gets back.
10:18Will you watch what you're doing?
10:30I've never seen anything like you.
10:32Get in here, all of you.
10:35Now then,
10:37I've called you men over here
10:38to discuss your new patrol assignment.
10:41Starting tonight,
10:42you will sail the area
10:43between Kanakai...
10:44Tonight, sir.
10:46On our boat?
10:46No, on the Mayflower,
10:48you nitpily.
10:49Of course, on your boat.
10:50What's the matter with your boat?
10:51Anything wrong with it?
10:52Anything wrong with it?
10:54No.
10:54No, no.
10:55I'm not wrong with it.
10:56Very well, then.
10:58Starting tonight.
10:59Sir, Captain Bingham, sir.
11:01An urgent message
11:02from Commander McHale
11:03to his crew, sir.
11:04Well, what does that blowhard
11:05want now?
11:06No fair peeking, sir.
11:07It's addressed to us.
11:08I mean, after all,
11:09I mean,
11:09cheaters never prosper.
11:11I'd like to give you
11:12a good rap,
11:13right in a snoot.
11:14Let's get out of here.
11:15I can't stand
11:16the sight of this man.
11:19I have confirmed
11:20history of PT-13.
11:22Stay off boat
11:23at all costs.
11:24Advise you put in
11:25for immediate transfer
11:26to Comfleet
11:26for reassignment.
11:27I will meet you then.
11:28Hey, how about that, boy?
11:29Just in the nick of time.
11:30Good old Skip.
11:31Yeah, that tub
11:32really has the whammy on it.
11:33Yeah, but his skip
11:34came through.
11:34I knew he wouldn't
11:35let us down.
11:35I bet he's already
11:36lined up a new boat
11:37for us.
11:37A new boat!
11:38Hey!
11:38Hey!
11:38Hey!
11:38Hey!
11:38Hey!
11:39Hey!
11:39Hey!
11:39Hey!
11:40Hey!
11:40Hey!
11:41Hey!
11:41Hey!
11:41Hey!
11:41What's going on here?
11:42What's the racket?
11:43Why, why, why?
11:43Sir, as officer in charge,
11:44I request that you
11:45draw up transfers
11:46for our signatures.
11:48Transfer?
11:49Transfers.
11:51That's right.
11:51Transfers.
11:52Transfers.
11:52Transfers.
11:53He wants one, too.
11:53Yes, sir.
12:02Hey, guys, it's Skip.
12:03Hey, Skip.
12:03Yes, sir.
12:04We glad to see you.
12:05Hey, what did you get?
12:06A couple of the flyboys
12:07just dropped me off.
12:08But what were you guys
12:09doing over with
12:10Binghamton for so long?
12:10Oh, don't worry about
12:11a thing, Skip.
12:12We got your message.
12:12We took care of everything.
12:14Yep.
12:14Our little old transfers
12:15are all signed
12:15and ready to go.
12:17What's all signed?
12:18The transfers.
12:19So we can ship up
12:19the conflict.
12:20Hey, Skip,
12:20what's our new boat
12:21look like?
12:22What are you guys
12:22talking about?
12:24We're not getting
12:24any new boat
12:25and I never sent
12:25any message.
12:26You didn't?
12:27No.
12:28But you had to.
12:29Yeah, we saw it
12:29in black and white.
12:31Oh, yeah.
12:33Like you saw
12:34that phony report
12:34from Washington.
12:36I checked it out.
12:37There never was
12:37a PT-13.
12:39Binghamton.
12:40Binghamton made up
12:41that whole haunted
12:42boat routine.
12:44Oh, no.
12:45And we fell for it.
12:46And the boat's
12:47not jinxed.
12:48Well, he just
12:48made suckers out of us.
12:50Listen, once those
12:50transfer papers
12:51reached conflict,
12:52we're dead.
12:53Ah.
12:54Anyone want to
12:54battle a hairy
12:55carry knife?
12:56No, that's too
12:56messy, Poogee.
12:57But if you had a can
12:58of spoiled sea rations...
12:59All right, knock it
13:01off.
13:01We're not going to
13:01give up yet.
13:02What we've got to do
13:03is to get those
13:04transfers back
13:05from Binghamton.
13:06We've got to...
13:09Hey, now,
13:10wait a minute.
13:11Wait just an
13:12ever-loving minute
13:12here.
13:13What is this,
13:14Ken?
13:14Well, now, look.
13:16Old Ledbottom got us
13:17into this mess by
13:18saying that the
13:1873 was jinxed,
13:20right?
13:20Yeah, I know.
13:21Well, then,
13:22if he wants to
13:23play dirty pool,
13:25so can we, boys.
13:27Oh, uh, Skip,
13:28my mother won't
13:28let me play pool.
13:29Could we make
13:30a dirty ping-pong?
13:32Come on, boys.
13:33Now listen to this.
13:36Look at that,
13:37Carpenter.
13:37Isn't that beautiful?
13:38Seven requests
13:39for transfer.
13:41The end of
13:41McHale's mob.
13:42Oh, sir,
13:43I bow to your genius.
13:45Here, let me
13:46lock them up for safety.
13:46Ah, get your
13:47crappy fingers
13:48off of these
13:48little treasures.
13:50They are not
13:50leaving my sight
13:51until that mail
13:52plane takes off
13:53tomorrow.
13:54Do you read me?
13:54They are not
13:55leaving my sight.
13:57Come in.
13:59Sir, you'd better
14:00come quickly.
14:01The 13-boat
14:01is in trouble.
14:0213-boat?
14:03We don't have
14:03anything.
14:04Oh, well,
14:04why did you say so?
14:05What kind of trouble?
14:06What is it?
14:06They're under
14:06enemy attack, sir.
14:08We just picked up
14:08a mayday from
14:09Commander McHale
14:09on the emergency
14:10combat frequency.
14:12Get out of my way.
14:16How to port,
14:17Christy!
14:18How to port!
14:19Our only chance
14:20is a base of action!
14:22McHale,
14:23this is Captain
14:24Binghamton.
14:24You're supposed
14:25to be at conflict.
14:26What are you
14:26doing on that boat?
14:27I was on my way
14:28over to report
14:29when the nymphs
14:29jumped us.
14:30Dark guys,
14:31here they come again!
14:36They're diving
14:37out of the sun!
14:38Look at them come!
14:40I don't want to die!
14:42Shoot, bird!
14:43Shoot, boy!
14:44Shoot!
14:44Oh, bird!
14:50You missed him again!
14:51What's the matter?
14:52I don't know,
14:53Skip,
14:53that's like the
14:54sights-spin.
14:55I think the guys
14:56must sabotage!
14:58Oh, yeah!
14:59Oh, yeah!
15:00He said sabotage.
15:01You don't think
15:02they suspected
15:02you were the one
15:03who...
15:03What are you
15:06standing around
15:06gawking at?
15:07Don't you have
15:07anything else to do?
15:08Get out of here!
15:08Out, out, out!
15:10Get in there!
15:11Yes, sir!
15:12And my boys
15:14are gonna
15:14straight mess it!
15:19Yankees,
15:19you die!
15:20Sir,
15:21the mid-pilot's
15:21on the same wavelength.
15:24McHale,
15:25a break-off
15:25the action
15:26and a run for us!
15:27We'll try,
15:28Captain,
15:29but we'll break it in!
15:30Take her!
15:31Hit those engines!
15:33Oh, my boy!
15:38My boy!
15:39Mr. Pluckett's
15:40been hit!
15:41Plasma!
15:41Stretch it back!
15:42Oh, what a way
15:43to go!
15:44Be strong,
15:45Mr. Parker!
15:47Ain't there
15:48what's wrong
15:48with those engines?
15:50We're cutting out!
15:51Somebody's been
15:52mocking with the
15:53engines!
15:54Oh, no!
15:55We're out!
15:58The engines?
15:59Sir, you didn't...
16:00Of course not,
16:01you nitwit!
16:02All I did was
16:03adjust the fuel valve!
16:04I didn't know the...
16:05I didn't mean to...
16:06McHale,
16:08can't you get
16:08those engines started?
16:10No, sir!
16:11Watch out, boys!
16:12He's diving in
16:13for the kill!
16:15Oh, no, no, no!
16:16If anything happens
16:17to those dear boys,
16:18it'll be all my fault!
16:24Take cover, boys!
16:25He's diving down!
16:28Die, Yankee!
16:30Banzai!
16:36He got it!
16:37A direct hit!
16:39Skip, I'm too young
16:40to die!
16:40Save me!
16:41Oh, I can't!
16:43I can't!
16:44I'm in the wreckage!
16:47Goodbye, Mom!
16:48Goodbye, Aunt Martha!
16:50Goodbye, Cousin Julian!
16:51Goodbye, Uncle Elton!
16:52And now that I find out
16:56who sabotaged this tub,
16:59I'll come back
17:00from the grave
17:01to get even!
17:02Go!
17:03Go!
17:04Go!
17:04Go!
17:04Go!
17:05Go!
17:05Go!
17:05Go!
17:06Go!
17:06Go!
17:07Go!
17:08Go!
17:09Go!
17:10Go!
17:11Go!
17:11We'll come back!
17:11I didn't mean it!
17:13The Quentin!
17:15Chuck!
17:16Anybody who's
17:17been to me?
17:18It's Wally!
17:22It's no use, sir.
17:24They're gone!
17:25I've heard some battles in my day
17:30But this thing has been
17:31Stease off your Academy Award winners
17:36That was only act one
17:38Now we're going to sneak over to the base
17:41For the grand finale
17:42Easy does it sir
17:47Those pills the nurse gave you will help you through the night
17:49I'll never be the same
17:52I want to get rid of them but not like this
17:55How am I going to get over this
17:57There sir now
18:15Do try to get some rest
18:16Those pills should relax you sir
18:18I'll never rest again
18:21How can I live with a thing like this
18:23The torment is awful
18:24And don't forget you ran on it too
18:28What's happening to my lights
18:47Oh that stupid electrician's mate
18:52I'll give him a piece of my mind
18:53And don't forget that
18:59Where's my phone
19:01And who's making those ridiculous noises
19:03Who, who, who, who
19:04We are Captain
19:07Wee-hoo
19:09Wee-hoo
19:10We've come back from the grave to see you
19:16Remember us
19:18We are the ghosts of PT-13
19:20Oh no, no, no
19:24It's not possible
19:25It's free of my imagination
19:31There's no such thing as ghosts
19:33I
19:34Lights
19:35I need some lights
19:37My flashlight
19:42Look at my flashlight
19:44Look at my flashlight
19:46Captain
20:02My name is Miguel
20:04I, I, I, I thought you were dead
20:05Well of course I'm dead
20:07We're all dead
20:09I don't know
20:10Well did I dunk him near me
20:11Yeah, I
20:11Oh no
20:20Oh hi Wally
20:22I was just flying around the neighborhood
20:24Thought I'd drop in
20:25Mark, you're dead too
20:29Why, I heard you die
20:30That's right Wally
20:32We've all gone to the big PT boat in the sky
20:35You don't seem very glad to see us, Captain
20:43Keep away from me
20:45Don't you hurt me
20:47Come on, come on
20:51Come on
20:53Okay, let's go
20:56Come on
21:02You gotta get my gun
21:05Hello, Dan
21:10I'm lonesome in hell
21:17Get back, I don't want to
21:20Oh, let me get back in
21:21It's against regulations
21:22That I'm a superior officer
21:24You know, maybe he's got something
21:25There's
21:25Oh, Captain
21:27You've got something we want
21:31Oh, McHale, you stop
21:32McHale, you stop
21:33I order, you stop
21:35So long, Wally
21:36Bye
21:36I'll give you anything
21:40You want anything at all, anything
21:41I want the transfers
21:43My men's side
21:45Yeah, Wally
21:46We need them for our record
21:47They run a tight cloud up there
21:49The transfers
21:50The transfers
21:52The transfers
21:53The transfers
21:55The transfers
21:58The transfers
22:01The transfers
22:02I have a kid here
22:03Take him, take him, take him
22:04Anything, anything
22:05Go, go, go
22:17Stop hunting me
22:18Stop hunting me
22:20Just go, go
22:21Farewell, Captain
22:23Farewell
22:24Hope you make it up our way
22:27Okay, Christy
22:33Upsi-daisy
22:33Go on, Skip
22:34Christy
22:35That's what you're doing
22:36I'm trying
22:38The wire's stuck
22:39We'll unstick it
22:41Oh, I, Captain
22:44Have a little wing trouble
22:45I think I sprained a feather
22:47What's going on here?
22:49I'm just waiting to get cleared
22:50By the control tower
22:51Pretty busy up there
22:52Stand back
22:54Angel 13, a tower
22:55Ready for takeoff
22:56Takeoff
22:57Angels, huh?
23:06Gus, huh?
23:08I tell you, McHale
23:09It's one of the most
23:09Dastardly plots
23:10That you've ever
23:11Talk about it
23:11Now, easy does it, Captain
23:13Easy does it
23:13You're a bunch of cut
23:14You're trying to scare me
23:15Into
23:15The transfers
23:17Take him up, Christy
23:20I've got their signatures
23:23Right here
23:24Ow
23:24Sorry, Captain
23:27But I think you're a bit too late
23:28Watch your language, sir
23:32This is an angel present
23:33That's okay, Willie
23:46By golly, boys
23:47The old 73's back in business
23:48Knock it off
23:51Knock it off
23:52I said knock it off
23:54This is a naval base
23:55This isn't a football rally
23:57Yes, sir
23:58But remember our deal, sir
23:59You give us back our number
24:01And we won't tell Admiral Rogers
24:03The whole story
24:04About why you changed it
24:05You blackmailing bills
24:07All right, McHale
24:11You win this round
24:12But so help me
24:13One of these days
24:14Get this tub out of my sight
24:18Before I have you all
24:19Arrested for loitering
24:20Yes, sir
24:21Yes, sir
24:21Who, sir, watch
24:22It's bad luck
24:23To walk under the ladder
24:24Chuck, no
24:24No, Chuck
24:26I swear
24:30I did
24:31No, no, no
24:32Now, Captain
24:32If you want to
24:34You go right ahead
24:34We'll understand
24:35Ah
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