- 2 days ago
A Russian Naval Officer reports to McHale for PT Boat training, and, soon disgusted with the 73 Crew's lack of discipline, asks to be assigned to another Crew.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00And that verdict must be guilty, guilty, guilty.
00:09Sir.
00:10Oh, what is the type of...
00:11Admiral Farley's on the phone.
00:13Practically had McHale in front of a firing squad.
00:15You have to put it in.
00:18Where is he, sir?
00:19Well, I can dream, can't I?
00:21Who's on the phone?
00:22Admiral Farley, sir, on the scramble phone all the way from Washington.
00:25Admiral Farley, well, why didn't you say so?
00:27Well, sir, I did, but you were dreaming, remember?
00:29Oh, shut up, you tattletale.
00:30Well, I don't know, Farley, Captain Binghamton here.
00:34Now, hear this, Captain.
00:36In 1,200 hours today, a Russian naval officer will arrive at your base.
00:40A Russian officer?
00:41Commander M.J. Krasny.
00:44Assigned to study PT operations preparatory to setting up a Russian unit at Murmansk.
00:48This is ultra-top-level stuff, Captain.
00:50The orders came direct from the Big Three.
00:52Give this Russian the VIP treatment.
00:54Roll out the red carpet.
00:56Oh, yes, sir, for the rot.
00:57Naturally, it would be a red carpet.
01:00It's a little joke that I...
01:02Stole the corny jokes, Captain.
01:04This is a serious matter.
01:05Yes, sir, don't worry, Admiral.
01:06We'll take everything.
01:08Yes, sir.
01:09How about that?
01:10Congratulations, sir.
01:11I couldn't help overhearing.
01:13Well, let's get going, Carpenter.
01:15Order an honor guard.
01:16And see if you can dig up a Russian flag.
01:18Well, get going, boy.
01:19Get going, didn't you hear?
01:20Those orders came right from the Big Three.
01:21Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:51Take a look.
02:21Hut!
02:22For the arms!
02:25I thought you meant for your carry-on.
02:27I mean, you...
02:28Mikhail, what are you doing here?
02:29Order an honor.
02:30I'll just get my mail, sir.
02:32Yeah, look, sir.
02:33My mother sent me my pet turtle.
02:34Pet turtle?
02:35Yeah, her name is Agnes.
02:36Agnes?
02:36That's a funny name.
02:37Would you stop with that thing?
02:39Mikhail, I'm expecting a very important visitor.
02:42A commander in the Russian Navy.
02:43Oh, excuse me, Ensign.
02:45Sir, I had a very difficult time,
02:46but I finally found a Russian flag.
02:48Uh-huh.
02:48That is a Tsarist flag.
02:51They had a revolution, did you hear about it?
02:53I'm surprised at you.
02:55Well, sir, who, who, sir?
02:56Here comes the Astro G.
02:57The Russian is here.
02:59Oh, Mikhail, clear out.
03:00Get rid of that thing.
03:01Yes, sir.
03:02Captain Binghamton at your service.
03:11Welcome to Taratupa.
03:13Oh.
03:15Commander M.J. Krasny reporting, sir.
03:19Oh, well, well, well.
03:21What a pleasant surprise, my dear.
03:23My dear.
03:24Oh, well, that's an expression that we use, ma'am.
03:29I mean, after all, you are a lady.
03:32Technically, that is correct.
03:35Technically, that is sensational.
03:38On behalf of the U.S. Navy, I wanted to...
03:41Wait, Captain.
03:42I have orders to report to Lieutenant Commander Quentin McHale
03:46for PT boat instruction.
03:49Yeah, well, there must be some mistake.
03:51You see, I'm a captain.
03:53I'm the senior officer on this base,
03:55and I'm sure you want to take your instruction from me.
03:58Impossible, Captain.
04:00I am ordered to McHale.
04:02In Russian Navy, orders are meant to be obeyed.
04:06We're the same way here, ma'am.
04:08I welcome aboard.
04:08I'm Lieutenant Commander McHale,
04:10and I'm Ensen Charles Parker, boy ally.
04:17Will you show me to your base now, Captain?
04:20Oh, with pleasure, Commander, ma'am.
04:23Check it, the commander's gear, will you?
04:25That won't be necessary.
04:26Oh, now, wait a minute, ma'am.
04:27My pleasure.
04:28Here, I'll take that.
04:31There's no sense in you.
04:33Shall we?
04:34Wait, Commander, can't we...
04:36Ah, Captain, orders are orders,
04:38and if you want Commander Krasny,
04:41you'll know where to find her.
04:42Sir, sir, please remember the big three.
04:57Commander, this is your crew.
05:24How have I been to...
05:26No, no, no, no, no.
05:27It's probably just some USO unit rehearsing, yes.
05:35Compliments of PT-70 Treeski, comrade.
05:37Hot borscht for everybody.
05:40Complete lack of discipline.
05:41Can't you control your men, Commander?
05:44Sure I can,
05:45but the boys kind of thought you were on our side.
05:48As you guys can see,
05:50this is strictly a military mission.
05:53Now then,
05:53what about some quarters for the commander?
05:55Oh, it's all set, sir.
05:56We put her in Mr. Parker's hut.
05:58You did?
05:58Yes!
06:00Right this way, ma'am.
06:01Which part of room is mine?
06:15Which part?
06:16It's all yours.
06:18Ned,
06:19I will do as in Mormont's,
06:21bunk with crew.
06:22Hey!
06:23Oh, it's fine!
06:24Excuse me, ma'am,
06:26but you'll help shorten the war
06:28if you bunk in here alone.
06:29Yeah, I think it'd be a lot better.
06:30I mean, after all,
06:31you and them in there.
06:33Very well.
06:35I stay.
06:41This bad-ass mattress!
06:44Remove it!
06:45Those curtains!
06:46Out!
06:48Flour!
06:49Out!
06:51In war,
06:52you have to suffer.
06:54Hey, what's this all about?
07:03What's going on?
07:04Hey, it's the middle of the night!
07:07Abandon ship!
07:08Man, do I...
07:09Morning, ma'am.
07:11Hey, well, what's wrong, commander?
07:12It's precisely all 500.
07:15Why did no one sound reveley?
07:17At this hour,
07:18it would wake everybody up.
07:20Well, you see,
07:21we lost our bugler.
07:22Yeah, he's got a split lip.
07:24Split lip.
07:24We don't have a bugler.
07:27Well, thanks for thinking over anyway, commander.
07:30Okay, boys, everybody back to the crib.
07:31Wait!
07:32Don't you have morning calisthenics?
07:38Calisthenics?
07:39Oh, yes, of course.
07:40How could we have forgotten?
07:42If you wish,
07:44I will conduct
07:45the way we do
07:46in Russian Navy.
07:49Well, it'll make our day complete, yes.
07:51Go, Rishki!
07:53Take your places!
07:54All right, come on, come on, come on, let's go.
08:00All right.
08:00To begin 100 push-ups.
08:03100 push-ups?
08:05That's to begin with?
08:06Come on, come on, store it, store it.
08:07Come on, get into position there.
08:08Come on, let's go.
08:10All right, down.
08:11Everybody has some.
08:12What are you doing?
08:16Print for near eight.
08:18Up, down, up, hold.
08:23One, two.
08:27Is it all?
08:28Enough.
08:29Give us our purple hearts.
08:31Come on.
08:32At precisely 0630,
08:34I will go to boat
08:35and make a trial run.
08:36At 0630?
08:38But that's only 10 minutes from now.
08:40Yeah, what about breakfast?
08:41Breakfast?
08:42What breakfast?
08:44We are at war.
08:47Yeah, but I gotta leave the room.
08:50Okay, you swaps,
08:51come on, get dressed on a double
08:52and get over to that boat
08:53for a cleanup party.
08:55With Pepper and Ally,
08:56who needs an enemy?
08:58Hey, we're gonna lose that dame?
08:59She's trying to work us to death.
09:00Yeah, we're with you, Gru,
09:01but how are we gonna dump her?
09:03Easy.
09:04We're supposed to teach her
09:05about TTs, right?
09:07All we gotta do is
09:08foul up the trial run.
09:09And she goes running back
09:10to Binghamton
09:11for another teacher.
09:13Clever?
09:21Ah, it's fine,
09:23fighting, Gru.
09:25Yeah, solid as a rock.
09:29Sure for a souvenir, ma'am?
09:30Well, let me show you around, ma'am.
09:35Yeah, right this way.
09:40What are these doing
09:41in an ammunition can?
09:43How about me?
09:44Oh, those are code books.
09:45Yes, top secret,
09:46you asked ma'am.
09:51Adventures of Mighty Mouse?
09:53Oh, I haven't read that one.
09:54Oh, and here are our torpedoes, ma'am.
10:01Ah, yes.
10:04The death sting of your little mosquito bones.
10:07Oh, yes.
10:19What are beer cans
10:21doing in the torpedo tube?
10:23Uh, well, uh, actually,
10:24they're an American-type
10:25Molotov cocktail.
10:26You just, uh,
10:27bite off the end of it.
10:29I thought I told you guys,
10:31all right, let's clean up this mess
10:33and prepare to get underway pronto.
10:34We're heading out to sea.
10:35Core actions, Commander.
10:37We are heading to main base.
10:40I want a word
10:41with Captain Binghamton.
10:42Those men, untidy, unruly,
10:47disorganized, incompetent.
10:49Oh, I'm shocked.
10:50I'm grieved.
10:51I'm sure you get every word.
10:53But then, Captain,
10:54this is only for your ears.
10:56Oh, I understand that, Commander.
10:58I understand that.
10:59Send copies to a conflict,
11:01the Pentagon,
11:01the big threes.
11:02After all, we are allies.
11:05Yes, of course we are.
11:07Now, don't you worry
11:08about a thing, Commander.
11:09I will take over
11:10the PT instructions.
11:12And to think
11:13I was to bring those men
11:15to Murmansk.
11:16Yes, think about that.
11:17Oh, my goodness.
11:18Well, first thing in the morning
11:19with Murmansk.
11:22Up by the Arctic Circle,
11:23Murmansk,
11:24you're going to take them with you?
11:25Duh.
11:26Those were my orders
11:27to return with PT boats
11:29for Russian Navy.
11:32Sir, I'll get this time to...
11:32Don't you dare.
11:33Don't you dare.
11:34Is it possible
11:35that we're making a mistake?
11:38Mistake?
11:38Oh, yes.
11:39Yes, I mean,
11:39Mikhail is a great skipper,
11:41you know,
11:41and he's got a grand crew.
11:43Those hooligans?
11:45Oh, they're fighters,
11:47those lads.
11:47Fighters.
11:47They've been through
11:48a lot lately.
11:49Oh, you mean perhaps
11:50they are suffering
11:51from battle fatigue.
11:53That's it.
11:54But, sir, you knew
11:55they're one of the worst
11:55crews we've ever...
11:56I hate to go away.
11:59Oh, and I see,
12:00boys, long rest.
12:01They'll be fine.
12:02They'll be fine.
12:03You take in a Murmansk,
12:04Commander.
12:04You'll never regret it.
12:05I am not sure of that.
12:08But,
12:08it will be a challenge.
12:10Oh, it will be that,
12:12all right.
12:13I say, Commander,
12:14losing those boys
12:15is going to be like
12:16losing my right arm,
12:17but after all,
12:18there is a war on.
12:19Very well, Captain.
12:21I accept your advice.
12:22I go to wireless
12:24my superiors.
12:25Good.
12:26You do that
12:26to your superiors.
12:28Sir, you've really done it.
12:30You've done it.
12:30Oh, yes, sir.
12:31My genius,
12:31McHale and his crew
12:32in Murmansk,
12:32I'm free, free, free, free.
12:39Excuse me.
12:41My briefcase.
12:42Oh, yes.
12:44Ah, I suppose
12:46you're wondering
12:47to get my wife
12:49just had a baby.
12:50Nah.
12:51Yeah, that's what he said.
12:52Nah, nah.
12:58Gruber,
12:58I ought to throw you
12:59in a brick
13:00for getting us
13:00in a spot like this,
13:02but, um,
13:04put her there.
13:06Thanks, Skip.
13:07I regret that I have
13:08but one brain
13:09to give for my shipmates.
13:11Hey, condition red.
13:12Pick them till 2 o'clock.
13:13Oh, back to the boondocks.
13:17Hi, afternoon, Captain.
13:19Hi, hello there.
13:20How are you, uh, Quint?
13:22Uh, Quint?
13:24Then you're not
13:25sordidus, Captain?
13:26Oh, do you think that...
13:27Oh, as a matter of fact,
13:29I've brought presents
13:30for you boys.
13:31Presents?
13:32Bring in the presents,
13:33you men.
13:34These are the presents.
13:36Uh, uh,
13:37uh,
13:37uh,
13:38snowsuits?
13:39Oh, well, uh,
13:40uh,
13:41what, uh,
13:42what's the weather report, Captain?
13:44Uh, sunny and warmer.
13:45Sunny and warmer.
13:46Come in, Commander Krasny.
13:47Come in.
13:50Prepare your boat, Commander.
13:52Tomorrow we sail for Murmansk.
13:55Murmansk?
13:55I have received wireless.
13:58Admiral Gordovich is flying in
14:00to accept boat 73
14:01for the Baltic fleet.
14:03Baltic fleet?
14:04Hey, you can't do that to us.
14:06Well, this is kidnapping.
14:07He's called
14:08Land Lease,
14:10Comrades.
14:11I go to complete
14:12my report.
14:17You're gonna love
14:18Murmansk, Quint.
14:20It's a fun town.
14:22Oh, but, but, but,
14:23Captain,
14:23you can't hand him
14:24over to 73.
14:26Yeah, he's right.
14:27We're not gonna go.
14:28You're not, huh?
14:29Then I'll hang you
14:30from the yard arm
14:31for mutiny.
14:32Now you can see, Quint,
14:33I'm a reasonable man.
14:35Now don't you boys forget.
14:38Bundle up.
14:45Come on, you geniuses.
14:47Think.
14:48We gotta come up
14:49with something in a hurry.
14:50Well, if we could only
14:51make her understand
14:52what this is gonna do
14:53to the outfit.
14:53How?
14:54It's like talking
14:54to a battleship.
14:55Well, if I could talk
14:56to her man to man.
14:57I mean, man to woman.
15:00What woman?
15:00She don't even know
15:01she's a dame.
15:02If she did,
15:03I could make her understand.
15:04Oh, come on,
15:05lover boy.
15:06Don't start anything.
15:08Hey.
15:11Virgil here can sweet talk
15:12a dame in anything, right?
15:13Right, sir.
15:14Oh, a dame, yes, Skip,
15:16but she's got about
15:16as much sex appeal
15:17as a Sherman tank.
15:19True, true.
15:21But underneath
15:22all that armor plate,
15:24there's still a woman.
15:25All she needs
15:26is a little reminding.
15:28What are you getting on to,
15:29Skip?
15:29What's cooking?
15:30Oh, Skip.
15:30Evening, Commander.
15:40Is that supply list
15:41you wanted?
15:42Thank you, Commander.
15:44Boy,
15:45it's stuffy in here.
15:53What do you know?
15:55Boy, the crew
15:55must be having a party.
15:57Care to join them?
15:59Sorry.
16:00I have to complete
16:01this report.
16:02Well, uh,
16:03night.
16:05Okay, boys,
16:06let's start
16:07phase one.
16:08Go ahead.
16:08Bye.
16:30Hey, Bert, cut, cut.
16:32Hey, Boo, come here.
16:34I'm going to stipe these two.
16:35Here we go.
16:36Go ahead.
16:37Bye.
16:37no no go on go on uh compliments of the skipper commander iced tea tea thank you
16:50oh i'm terribly sorry sir i mean ma'am never mind i will change
16:59but my uniforms they are gone well i suppose the guy's from the laundry uh here you can wear one of
17:08these if you'd like what is this oh it's called a sarong they're very comfortable to work in
17:15i wear one all the time well see you sir
17:18sir i was just a practicing air raid tactics you see we fold these little where is commander
17:41krasny she's with the pt-73 across the bay sir a carpenter gig gig
17:46now admiral may i say on behalf of the united states name no speeches please
17:52you got the amerikansky cigarette oh oh yes yes yes sir right here
17:57good good good also uh chewing gum
18:02chewing gum right in here
18:06all right we go now captain captain he's going to be long warm
18:34wow no sherman tank was ever felt like that you say that again no sherman tank
18:40i think our opening barrage work boys okay chuck phase three coming up come on hit that beachhead
18:53beg your
18:55skipper want to know if you could spare a minute you need some professional advice very well i go
18:59is anything wrong huh no no very fine thing i mean everything's fine yeah it's really ship ship
19:08i think we better both go
19:10come on
19:19come on
19:23ensign parker told me that you needed some professional advice yes well we're sorry to bother you but you
19:29see uh willie here whipped up a batch of vodka and uh vodka yes to bring to our um uh allies you know
19:37up in mermansk as a present yes well we'd like to get your opinion of the taste uh do you mind
19:44not bad
19:52oh well and how about uh this batch
19:56there you are
20:02all so good
20:13all so good
20:17very authentic
20:26well that's wonderful
20:30now I must get back to work
20:32oh well why don't you stick around ma'am
20:34yes I must replete my comport
20:38replete my comport
20:41oh excuse me
20:53Virgil
20:55Ethan Tal the name is Virgil
20:58Virgil
21:01you look kind of good honey you want to dance
21:04dance
21:05music music
21:07yes I will dance
21:11with him
21:13he has such sweet
21:16stupid face
21:17just like peasant
21:18take me in your arms
21:22well this dance is already promised
21:24my card's almost filled up
21:25come on come on will you stop the rumors here
21:29get in there come on let's get in
21:30come on
21:31music is too slow
21:36I want excitement
21:37please go
21:43leave me in your arms
21:46come on
21:49hey hey hey
21:52hey hey hey
21:53hey hey hey
21:54hey hey hey
21:56hey hey hey
22:00What's going on here?
22:07Where is Commander Krasny?
22:11Admiral Gronovich!
22:13Don't interrupt. I'm looking for...
22:15Commander Krasny, shame on you!
22:19Mikhail, you're responsible for this.
22:21Now, wait a minute.
22:22You are disgraced to Russian Navy.
22:24The whole Russian population.
22:27Forgive me, comrade.
22:29Silence!
22:30What is this thing you wear?
22:33It's an official P.T. Boat uniform.
22:35This is how you represent Motherland?
22:38This is...
22:39This...
22:41I knew this looks good.
22:45I mean, I am shocked.
22:49Purified.
22:51I didn't know you had such a cute shape, Marushka.
22:55Marushka?
22:56Come. We discuss in private.
22:58We shall return.
23:01Mikhail, you've tried to destroy a fine officer, but you're not going to get away with it.
23:05Now, you're going to Murmansk if I have to carry the crew of the 73 aboard piggyback.
23:09You're all hard, sir. Yes.
23:11I wouldn't know. I didn't say that. Personally, I think...
23:13Parker, will you shut...
23:14Captain, Commander Krasny and I have discussed. We got new plans.
23:21We got new plans?
23:22Da.
23:23What? Who needs crummy old P.T. boat? We go to America, get new boat.
23:29Huh, Marushka?
23:30Da.
23:30Yeah. And on the way back, maybe we stop off at Niagara Falls-ki.
23:35Look here, Admiral.
23:36Mid-time night is young.
23:38I hear you got vodka.
23:41Vodka coming up?
23:42Come on, Chuck.
23:44Oh, Admiral, just a minute.
23:45Captain!
23:46Don't be wet blanket, Captain.
23:49Vodka for Captain.
23:50As Lenin said, live a little.
23:53Music!
23:54Game!
23:55Game!
23:56You can't win them all.
23:58Fuck you.
24:08It's on again? They're taking you to Murmansk?
24:10No, no. We're just getting our pictures taken.
24:13Da, Captain.
24:14Hey, fellas, come on.
24:16A farewell tribute to our gallant allies.
24:18Hey, hey, hey, hey!
24:23That's it.
24:24Hey, come on, Captain.
24:25Remember for the big three.
24:26Hey, hey, hey!
24:32Come, Marushka.
24:34It's going to be long, long war.
24:37Hey!
24:42Hey!
24:42Hey!
24:52Hey!
24:52Hey!
24:53Hey!
24:53Hey!
24:54¶¶
25:24¶¶
Be the first to comment