- 1 day ago
the episode's plot revolves around Captain Binghamton's scheme to buy oceanfront property, a plan that goes awry when Ensign Parker's windfall turns out to be less significant than he thought. To escape the deal, Binghamton must join McHale and his crew on a scheme that puts them all in a precarious situation but ultimately resolves the problem.
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00:00Okay, you suaveys, now step right up and get your tickets to a Roman RG and Proud Tournament all year long.
00:08Yeah, remember, mate, Celestia's been let up in the hospital a whole week.
00:11Come on, fellas, Dick, give Gruber a new start in life.
00:15Hurry, hurry, hurry.
00:16Come on, come on, shove off, you guys. Let's get out of here.
00:19Hi, Skip, nice to see you.
00:20Yeah, I'll bet. Come on, give me a deep. Now, what's the big idea? You fellas know better than this?
00:25We were only trying to help Gruber out.
00:26Yeah, the money will cheer him up.
00:27Skip, think how he suffered.
00:30What are you handing me suffered? All he had was his tonsils out.
00:33Yeah, but they were that big.
00:34Oh, you guys, you crap tournament.
00:37Did you all forget about Eagle Eye Binghamton?
00:39Who cares about that creeper?
00:40You'll jump in the bay.
00:42No, no, it won't hurt him.
00:43All right, everybody, don't move.
00:45Come on, Binghamton.
00:47Oh, Roman Orgy and Crap Tournament, I really got you this time.
00:52All right, Carpenter, the funds, impound the funds.
00:54Excuse me, sir, I tripped over my roof.
00:58Oh, you're a clout.
00:59Now, now, now, Captain, take it easy on the boys, sir.
01:02It was all for a good cause.
01:03They were just trying to help a sick buddy, sir.
01:05Oh, a sick buddy, my foot.
01:07These men are all reduced to apprentice semen.
01:10Apprenticemen?
01:10It took me six years to make this way.
01:12All right, Carpenter, let's go.
01:14We've done a fine day's work.
01:15Captain, you forgot your tree.
01:20Here, sir.
01:21Oh, oh.
01:23Oh, God, it almost killed me with that thing.
01:25Well, I'm sorry, sir.
01:26I forgot to yell timber.
01:28Timber!
01:29Timber!
01:29Timber!
01:29Timber!
01:45Timber!
01:53Timber!
01:59Timber!
02:03Timber!
02:12Timber!
02:13dirty seabird breaking you guys if i wasn't such a helpless invalid yeah i know you'd get
02:26them in worse trouble and then they're already in semen skip we better get going gonna be late
02:31for the physical oh yeah hey physical you coming down with something skip no mr weisenheimer i'm
02:37not but if you must know it's the annual officer's check-up now come on you guys keep your noses
02:42clean now don't worry about your tonsils i can hardly tell they're gone we're sure sorry we
02:50messed things up for you group ah you guys meant well it's all a kind of that binghamton
02:55hey i think i know a way to get rid of him how's that group one of your whittlies he's got an uncle
03:01with the mafia they'd probably want too much money hey what's up doc good news gruba good news i've
03:10checked your chart and your ship shape you can collect your gear and go home with the guys
03:13that's right we can sure use you thanks doc look will you make up my bill put a good tip in for
03:18yourself well gentlemen out of the sick bay and back to the war now what do we do first make some
03:28booze or uh blow some dice look fellas the creature from the black lagoon oh that x-ray machine was cold
03:36what makes you do a little thing here your eye test sir room five oh really i'm fine well i like
03:42what i see right here huh how about you and me taking a little martini break later on what do you
03:46say oh why not we could what are you men hanging around here for this is not a pool hall i just got
03:54up from a sick bed sir and these men are visiting me i'll knock it off you gold brick now get out
03:58of here all of you and don't you steal any of the blankets captain oh boy would i like to see him in
04:07here for a while would that be a break maybe we'll be lucky he'll catch some kind of virus you know like
04:12the bubonic plague i got an idea suppose binghamton thought there was something wrong with him what are
04:19you driving at well he just took an x-ray right suppose something bad should show up hey you mean put
04:25the fix on the film just enough to keep him out of action for a couple of days wait a minute virge
04:29that's just one slight hitch how do you get hold of the x-ray chaps it's as good as done
04:38how you getting how you doing oh virgil baby i mean uh gunner's mate edwards where have you been
04:43keeping yourself oh you know the war and all that jazz oh let me help you with them you'll strain yourself
04:48now remember virgil no funny stuff in here now how do you know me when it comes to dark rooms i'm all
04:53business well captain we should be getting those lab reports any minute well there's no hurry
05:04doctor especially when i know that i'm as healthy as a horse a seahorse
05:09it's a little zinger sorry to disturb you doctor here are the x-rays oh yes thank you nurse don't
05:17take any wooden thermometers
05:22you know one of your doctors are always hanging around the hospitals oh no
05:27oh no this is just awful it's terrible yeah awful uh terrible why not awful what terrible why why
05:34this this x-ray i don't know when i've seen a condition like this yeah i'd go along with that
05:42yeah poor man he can't last 48 hours isn't that a shame oh 48 oh to live you mean oh isn't that
05:50wouldn't you hate to be in his shoes forever what's his name i'll send him some flowers his name's down
05:55here on the bottom of the plate wallace burton wallace burton oh what a coincidence that's almost
06:03like my name you know wallace burton i wallace burton what binghamton oh what a relief you can't what a
06:14load i binghamton you mean that mess is me why didn't you come in sooner captain maybe we could have done
06:24something how could you stand the pain there must have been pain oh i have no idea about the pain but
06:31i thought it was a bowl of chili i had last night this is awful this is terrible i've cut down to my
06:39prime maybe i should call lieutenant carpenter no no no don't don't don't call me don't call anybody
06:45don't let anybody know who would destroy morale if they knew that their dartless leader was ill
06:51the tiger of taratupa with only 48 hours to live
07:04well we sure passed that medical with flying killers huh told you it was a snap yeah it's great
07:19to know you're in perfect shape hard as a rock strong as a bull oh uh skip uh you won't tell
07:24the guys i fainted during the blood test you know how they talk oh uh no captain past your medical
07:31okay huh huh uh it's great to be out of the hospital isn't sir know that you're alive and kicking
07:38alive and kicking yeah
07:41well what's with him i don't know maybe the blood test got to him too
07:51hey it's that hit and run nip sub it'd be showing us and brought
07:54him down come on come on come on hey chuck look at him
08:07hey he's not paying any attention to those shells captain watch out front first
08:14come on let's go get him
08:16it's only 48 hours to go why is it you wally why is it always you
08:28let go of him let's take your hands off what's the matter with you captain you almost got yourself
08:34killed out there oh i don't care what's the difference hey skip look the sub's diving we
08:39lived through it oh what is the difference i tell you i don't
08:42care bullets bombs shells i don't care how i go i've only got 48 hours more 48 hours what are
08:49you mumbling about captain clinton you should have seen my x-rays i shouldn't tell you this but
08:58that's how long they gave me to to live oh you mean to tell me the doctors told you you have only
09:05two days left to live and is that the truth crush heart and hope to die
09:09don't take him with me i don't know why bother with you come on sir we'll take you back to your
09:16office come on good idea but let me take one last look yes
09:28here you are captain i radioed complete and told them about the submarine captain manton
09:33he's been hit so where did they get you you look like a ghost a ghost not yet carpenter he's still
09:38got 48 hours what's going on here what's wrong hold it hold it hold him will you hold him
09:43well you come here come here
09:5040 of them look you take over and try to get his mind off of it you understand we're going to go to the
09:58doctors maybe we can something we can do to help anyway huh come on come on chuck let's go come on
10:05don't worry captain sooner or later we all go to meet the big admiral in the sky
10:10meet the big admiral in the sky did you hear that all right yes i'm gonna meet the big admiral
10:18oh yeah i tell you guys it sure feels great to be out of that sick bay hey how many blankets did you
10:23take group there ain't skivvies in there
10:29binghamton sure look shook up yeah nice going virge you sure did a job on that x-ray
10:35that it wasn't easy i uh had my hands full all the time what are we standing around for huh
10:41with binghamton and dry dock the lid's off for the craft tournament come on last guy on a boat loads the
10:45dice grab the bag i've been sick come on is there anything i can do sir cut down my prime irony a
10:57little believe me sir the navy will never forget you never forget me all these years behind the
11:04desk some exciting career i've had believe me but sir somebody had to do all that paperwork and
11:10if i may say so you did it superbly sir and i wouldn't be a bit surprised if
11:16if they named a requisition form after you position form is here some nitwit clerk saying hand me a
11:23binghamton and we're all out of walley's i'm tribute
11:31captain binghamton's office yes sir it's adam rogers sir maybe a last minute promotion
11:38shut up you big blabber oh not you admiral i hear you were just shelled with that nip raider
11:44shelled a nip raider oh yes yes yes he's being refueled at mishubi island that base is too well
11:51camouflaged for an airstrike so we're sending over a boatload of marine raiders they'll attack within 48
11:57hours 48 hours there's that number again yes admiral yes thank you very much that's good news
12:05thank you admiral hear that carpenter the marines are going to be storming the beach
12:12wait a minute why let the marines have all the glory with mikhail's help i could raid
12:19mashubi island too couldn't i sir attacking a japanese stronghold with just a couple of sailors
12:24it just think how that would look in the history books first it was john paul jones then admiral dewey
12:30then fighting wally binghamton am i i'll get me my combat gear but sir you may not come back alive
12:36i don't care i don't care death before dishonor oh nothing is going to stop fighting wally binghamton
12:51hey come on you guys speed it up the patsies whoops i mean the customers will be arriving any
12:55minute this is your prep boss speaking
13:01and what if i may ask you you eight balls up to just preparing for our usual social skip you know
13:07yeah i know boy won't you guys ever learn it's all off you mean no crap tournament but skip the decks
13:13have all been cleared yeah and mark too binghamton's out of action that's exactly what i'm talking about
13:19don't you guys know the score the captain's on the critical list you sure is that sick skip i mean
13:26maybe there's been some mistake there's no mistake in that x-ray he's got 48 hours and that's daylight
13:32saving time standard time's a lot less no here comes plug i know what
13:40all right boys this is a scramble we're going out on a mission on a double gun ho
13:57mission captain aren't you forgetting your condition no i'm not but when i'm gone
14:01mikhail they're gonna remember me fighting wally binghamton now let's go boys it's a long ride to
14:06mishubi mishubi island why it's loaded with nips we'll never get out alive it's a suicide mission
14:13i knew you're a bunch of cowards but it makes no difference you're going with me and that's an
14:17order now mikhail i'm going on board we move out in five minutes okay
14:25a folder hair brain nutty ridiculous mishubi island uh skip i've got a little something to tell you
14:34yeah you might find it interesting what is it come on tell me the uh captain isn't dying all right the
14:40captain what he only thinks he is you see skip i put the fix on his x-rays figuring it might keep
14:48him off our backs oh come on what are you gonna do what else i'm gonna tell binghamton before he
14:58decides to invade tokyo bay oh no sir now listen sir you're not going to die i don't want any
15:13excuses i i'm not gonna lie here's the truth sir somebody followed up your x-rays you're in perfect
15:20health so you're just saying that to get out of going on the rage oh no sir no sir no listen well
15:27i'll even come clean sir the fellas fixed up your x-rays and but it's just a gag sir just a gag
15:35a gag uh-huh oh of all the wonderful pieces of news
15:45oh bless you boys bless you the product plays off you've all got your rates back
15:51that's great sir you should be critically ill more often
15:55uh naturally now sir we don't have to worry about going out on admission do we well i
15:59mission what mission is that oh the mission oh boys your captain loves a little gag himself
16:08i mean would i horn in on the marines they love to go on rails
16:15captain sir admiral roger's calling you oh thank you son thank you
16:19oh no no no i signaled him that we were going on the raid oh no what do i say no
16:24i know i know i know good afternoon admiral congratulations binghamton i'm proud of you
16:32for volunteering to go on that raid oh thank you very much admiral but i i had to call that raid
16:39off admiral there are high tides lots of high tides and and the water is full of jellyfish
16:46can't cancel out now binghamton the marines are on their way back to the base
16:50now it's all up to you and blast that fuel dump and good luck we'll all be with you in spirit
16:59you'll be with us in spirit thank you he can't do that to us suicide we'll never get back
17:06no no no no no chin up man chin up chin up that you heard what the admiral said he said he'd
17:10he'd be with your spirit bye you'll be with us in spirit captain it's a rough assignment but we're
17:18all in this together now come on you glory hounds we're moving out with any luck we'll be in miss
17:25shooby by dawn now come on let's go
17:29dawn i'm worse off than i was before before i had 48 hours to live now i've only got 12.
17:35well so far so good oh stop it you boo nothing is good when you're this far behind enemy lines
17:49skip tip destroy your own sonar range 1500 yards buried 250 closing fast jump and journal hold on
17:57a minute will you come let's get out of here my camera there's no sightseeing to her come on
18:00a moment wait a minute there he is
18:07it's too late to run captain take care kill your engines quick
18:15quiet boys not a peep out of anybody and pray they don't spot us now i lay me down to sleep
18:28hold your breath and count to 10.
18:35you want to kill us all
18:40stand on one foot and swallow 12 times
18:48all clear on sonar skip nip's out of range
18:51lord that was sure a squeaker well i'll say one thing for that nip let's get the hiccups out of
18:55the captain parker will you
18:58paper bag save your energy captain save your energy from a shooby
19:03okay tinker pour on the coal all ahead
19:06now with your permission sir all right you guys listen to me we're going to go in through the back
19:20door and try to take them by surprise now easy does it follow me here we go go
19:25parker here you take my helmet as of now you're a captain hey a field promotion boy my mother
19:36always said i was a born leader you're also a natural born decoy those nips always go for the
19:41commanding officer first stay ahead of me at all times there's nip snipers everywhere follow me anson
19:56that's so far so good tell gruber to pass the word to the captain we're almost at the oil dump
20:04hey captain hey what do you know i haven't covered my own rear step
20:10have some one captain and mr parker too oh no they must have got themselves lost
20:15what are we gonna do well the only thing we can do worry about them later we got a mission to carry
20:20out please sir take care of them especially the little realm come on let's go let's see now 10
20:30paces to the north and we should hit the trail one two
20:34i surrender that's my gun that's my gun i'm surrendering oh for my sake get my gun
20:41you're going to get me up on people like you what is that that's i don't want
20:45all that thanks to god oh a menace stop that
20:52nips are all around her out me they're not the enemy you're the enemy enemy enemy
21:04oh luck been stuck behind enemy lines with a boob like you yeah well you're not much fun either
21:17be quiet i'm taking over here let mikhail hog all the glory if he wants to but we're going back to
21:23the boat don't you think what i have a roll call uh binghamton yeah all present
21:41oh no look at all those nips i thought this was supposed to be the back door
21:45what do we do how about running skip i hear it's the best thing for a long healthy life
21:54no one one thing's for sure we got to create a diversion
21:59come on boys let's go
22:03be captain no names don't it don't wake up
22:06i don't know what's going on i don't know but it's just what the doctor ordered let's go
22:22that's so fast you are a prisoner hey captain what do you need
22:26don't name he's the captain he's the guy i talk only to superior officer
22:31perhaps you'd like to discuss surrender over glass of sake honorable captain my captain
22:37uh well gee that's awfully nice of you but i never drink while i'm surrendering
22:41oh captain the glass of sake i'm the captain i'm the captain
22:47trade the trade
22:47the skid must have blown up the delt
22:58yippee just stop that babbling
23:17who did it
23:25have a credit card for another gas station
23:27all right you chowder heads come on let's get out of here fast we still got to find parker and binghamton
23:31let's go
23:39i can't go another step my feet are killing well i'll see you sir can't keep the guys waiting
23:45wait a minute you're going to leave me here with all these nips all around neil
23:48neil oh it's no time to pray now sir just pray you don't get saddle sores neil
23:56let him have it when you see him
24:18boy am i ever glad to see you
24:19if one side isn't trying to kill you there the other one is i've got to rest if you do sir
24:26it'll be your final resting place come on we better get on board come on boys let's go let's
24:30move come on let's go let's go give me my helmet back oh indian giver
24:49go
24:51go
24:59go
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25:07go
25:09go
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