- 1 day ago
Binghamton uses truth serum on the 73 Crew, forcing them to reveal secrets. McHale and Parker then try to get them off the hook.
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00:00Ah, bonsai, direct hit.
00:09Why can't those nips have as good an aim as I do?
00:11Oh, you're a regular kamikaze, sir.
00:14I wish I was on the other side.
00:15I'd take care of McHale.
00:17Yeah, more than a direct hit.
00:19Come in, come in.
00:23Bonsai, say that, McHale.
00:26Captain, the fleet psychiatric team is leaving.
00:28Would you like to say goodbye to Dr. Halliford?
00:30Oh, say goodbye to him yourself.
00:31Can't you see I'm busy over here?
00:35Bammo, bammo, another direct hit.
00:37I won't disturb you, Captain, since you're so busy.
00:40I just wanted to let you know that we examined a few combat fatigue cases.
00:44They're very mild.
00:44No one will have to be shipped out.
00:46Oh, good, good.
00:46We need all the men we can get.
00:48Ah, watch this.
00:50I have been.
00:51Goodbye, Doctor.
00:54Goodbye, McHale.
00:56Oh, Doctor.
00:56Doctor, did you say combat fatigue?
01:00Now, we know McHale and his crew are suffering from something.
01:03Why can't it be combat fatigue?
01:05I'll get you a jeep, Doctor.
01:07No, no, no, wait a minute.
01:08I can tell you, Doctor, you've got to take my word for this.
01:11These men are a bunch of kooks.
01:12Ow!
01:13Who did that?
01:14You did, sir.
01:15Well, then, why don't you watch me and tell me what I'm doing at all times?
01:18You're a shatterhead.
01:19Now, Doctor, let me explain this to you.
01:22No, no, no, but you don't understand.
01:23I have got a PT crew in there, Skipper, they're in bad shape.
01:26Real bad shape.
01:27Now, come on, Doctor.
01:27We've got...
01:28Oh, wait, just a minute.
01:30Oh, they're in bad shape.
01:32We've got to get rid of them right away.
01:36Right up, fan-tales.
01:38Sayonara, McHale.
01:40Go along, Doctor.
01:41Don't play with my boat.
01:42Go along, Doctor.
02:09Oh, my God.
02:11uh-huh well thanks molly for the warning i'll never forget this honey bye
02:37oh that dirty no good thinks he can pull a fast one on us huh what's the matter skip yeah something
02:43wrong i'll say there is why that lead bottom thinks he's gonna railroad us out of here
02:48railroad us but he can't do that skip we're in the middle of the ocean see there are no
02:51we just ripped up a fresh batch of sake on the still our brewmeister hit just come up with a
02:57new restaurant cool it cool it molly just tipped us off binghamton is sneaking up here with the
03:02doctor he's gonna try to prove that we've got combat fatigue so he can ship us out of here
03:07of all the crummy tricks and they say we fight dirty all right all right now look he wants to
03:13pull a fast one so can we now here's what we do you get rid of those loaded dice you the mock cards
03:19how come you have to sneak in here through the back way because these kooks are dangerous
03:31they're in bad shape fruit cakes every one of them
03:35all right you bunch of section eight balls i've
03:48oh hi captain well you caught us right in the middle of our recreation period sir
03:57are they a bunch of crackpots are they cracking up but stop that screeching when i'm talking
04:03oh pardon me sir have you seen my tiger swallowtail tiger swallowtail oh you gotta drop a net on him
04:08captain uh captain sir uh would you like to see my stamp collection sir oh he is a mozambique
04:161897 come here to see stamps we came here to see kooks now take it easy captain yeah you made me drop a
04:26stitch captain do you think this needs a little magenta sir i think you need a magenta
04:32straight jacket that's what i think well how about it are they daffy or aren't they do i start
04:37cutting their shipping orders their behavior seems perfectly normal to me there i finished a pillow
04:43skipper there's no place like tara tooper very good lester very good isn't that good gentlemen
04:49oh it's normal do you well i tell you they are always making booze placing bets stealing things
04:58this whole thing is just a cover-up sir you're standing on my swallowtail god weirdo weirdo don't
05:04you see now something is wrong they've flipped they're a bunch of yo-yos to be perfectly honest
05:09i'd have to say i have never seen a more well-balanced group well thank you sir i'm going to write that to
05:17mother well balanced well i tell you they're a bunch of nervous wrecks they're a bunch of screaming
05:23hysterical nervous wrecks how long have you been out here binghamton three years but stop asking me
05:28questions they're the one i'm telling you there's something from combat captain you're in no position
05:32to tell me anything in fact if you'd ever been in combat i'd be worried about you maybe he has desk
05:39fatigue no no no no pull yourself together let's go i don't want to go now back to the base not one
05:47more word i'll have to report this to the admiral carry on men yes sir doctor bye-bye captain and do
05:53try to take it easy sir remember all work and no play
05:58uh-uh so mikhail and this bandit's won the first round tell on tell on i'll smash him it
06:07what happened oh the sneak attack the 73 boat attacked me
06:14i see well here are the stomach pills you wanted
06:17oh not a minute too soon either i tell you i've heard some scurvy tricks in my time but can you
06:24imagine that mikhail trying to make that doctor think that i'm a sexual captain
06:28here hold this sir i'll get the blotter you'll blotter you'll blotter you'll blotter you'll
06:35clutch your stupid insulin clutch sir i'm sorry but i just wanted to report to you that i just saw
06:39dr halliford off at the airstrip well good i'm glad he's gone the man is a quack i want to plug up
06:44his stethoscope really sir well then you're in luck sir look he left his medical bag in the jeep
06:49are you sure that's dr halliford's bag oh i'm certain look here here's a stethoscope
06:53reflex hammer a syringe some bottles of sodium pentothal bottles of what don't tell me drinks
07:00on the job too oh no sodium pentothal otherwise known as truth serum it's used in the questioning
07:07of patients who have psychological problems truth serum you mean if i gave this to him he'd blab
07:12everything he knows oh no sir not to me sir you wouldn't give it to me sir you know i would never
07:15tell anybody about your scheming and conniving sir i would die first sir i would stand in front of a
07:19i would say you're a ninny the man is a ninny tell me what you are i'm a ninny well thank you
07:25commander that's all you're excused uh you have no idea how you brighten my day well glad to oblige
07:30i think yeah goodbye commander nice to see you nice to see you i'll put you in for something
07:34you're a grand girl grand girl now boy this is our most glorious moment mikhail and his men may not
07:41have combat fatigue but we know they're thieves oh yes but we've never been able to get any
07:46evidence against them sir got another turn at bat sir you mean the truth serum you mean that you
07:52and the mail
07:53they'll spill enough beans to keep the kitchens at alcatraz going for years
07:59the kitchens oh sir it's very fun call mikhail and his men tell him i want them to report to the
08:03base hospital on the double sir may i say this to you that this is brilliant absolutely brilliant
08:07this is your finest hour sir fine i wish the upper 97 of my graduating class could see me now
08:14all right man all right as you were as you were well i suppose you're all wondering why i had you
08:23over here today excuse me captain but what's up what's up yes sleeve that's what's up now hold up
08:30but sir we had our tetanus shots last week oh did you well that's just peachy it just so happens this
08:38is for something else this is for being exposed to a dreaded new disease it comes from the um
08:43uh the uh choo-choo fly the uh choo-choo fly that's right that's right he's the first cousin to the
08:51the um the choo-choo fly you know the dangerous little devils oh oh that's right and choo-choo
08:56fever can be very serious serious choo-choo fever captain i've never heard of that you well of
09:00course you haven't heard of it this is a brand new top secret disease you know they just start
09:06sticking girl stick stick go on line up go on line up go on worry boys this won't hurt a bit
09:12ow hurry up elroy hurry up our canaries are just dying to sing their little beaks are twitchy
09:23because ready and rolling sir do you think the serum to the fact we'll soon know elroy we'll soon know
09:29tell me machinists make bell have you ever violated navy regulations by distilling liquor illegally
09:44if you mean make booze oh sure we do it all the time
09:48torpedo man lester gruber how much money would you say that you make by distilling this uh booze
10:01last week we took in 306 dollars and 47 cents
10:06that's including the deposits on the bottles you should see our still
10:12yes uh uh radio man willie moss the still i'd love to see the still boy where is it where is it
10:21well that's real easy to find oh where where
10:24where where where i'm the seal i'll ask a question here
10:29just trying to help me i'm a dunce
10:31oh no sir you're much worse than that you're a real
10:35strike that from the record strike that from the record
10:38water master christopher where is the still oh let let me tell another frequency
10:45yes yes edwards edwards where where it's in the banana tree clearing so that's where it is
10:54you should see where we have our roulette wheel and crap table
10:57where are they moss where are they it's uh
11:05behind the hollow wall
11:08so would you please
11:09you're getting all twisted
11:12never mind the cord i don't go on
11:13go on the casino where is the money you've made in the casino
11:17oh we use that to set up our phony pearl racket
11:22if i wasn't so happy would you hear us scream
11:30come on boys talk boy come on mr turn
11:34go on
11:34more boy more more
11:36uh the nips
11:38have you been dealing with the nips the nips
11:40just fuji that's all
11:42fuji
11:43fuji
11:45edwards who is fuji boy who is he
11:48he's our little pal from yokohama
11:50did you hear that carpenter
11:54they've got a contact in yokohama
11:56hey tinker
11:57tell him about the fake war souvenirs
11:59he'll love it
12:00yes tinker
12:01tell me
12:02hello
12:02that's all right
12:03tell me
12:03oh i tell you admiral rogers
12:14you've got to fly down here right away sir
12:16i've got enough evidence on mikhail and his band of thieves to put them away
12:20right through the next war
12:22you're not starting that business with mikhail again are you
12:25uh no sir
12:27no sir this time i'm finishing it and i've got the proof right here on my desk admiral
12:31including a tape recorded confession that makes jack the ripper have an absolute inferiority complex
12:37dinghamton this had better not be another one of your wild goose chasers i'll be down there the first thing in the morning
12:43yes sir
12:44well roy mikhail and his rat pack are finished they're kaput
12:48tomorrow at this time i'll be a free man
12:51oh good oh sir shall i start putting the evidence in the safe
12:53oh no no no no no not the safe
12:55no this time we're going to bury it
12:57bury it
12:58we are going to bury it so deep
12:59that even their fellow worms won't know where it is
13:02that's absolutely brilliant sir
13:03may i say that that's the kind of stuff that admirals are made of sir
13:06i'll drink to that
13:07oh sir i just love being with a winner
13:12here here here what are you doing
13:16breaking on duty what's the matter with you
13:17out out out
13:18hey there's the skip
13:22hey skip you and mr parker better get in there and get your shots pronto
13:27yeah the old tsutsu fly i'll catch you if you don't watch out
13:29tsutsu fly what are you eight balls talking about
13:34yeah i never heard of a tsutsu fly
13:36when i was a kid i had a tsutsu train but i never took shots for it
13:39maybe you should have
13:40no kidding skip is top level
13:41old lead bottom saw to it himself that we got the serum
13:44oh lead bottom
13:46yeah
13:47already i'm beginning to smell a rat
13:49skip you got a pretty good nose
13:51you snipped him out at over 50 yards
13:53here he comes
13:53all right you man holler right there
13:56all right guys put these enlistment under arrest
13:59under arrest
14:01now now wait a minute
14:02what did we do
14:03now hold it captain there must be some mistake
14:06the boys are over in the hospital getting no shots like you ordered
14:09there is no mistake mikhail and you two so-called
14:13officers are restricted to your base until after the court-martial
14:17court-martial for what
14:19for what
14:20for having a still in a banana grove
14:22for selling booze
14:24for peddling phony pearls
14:26for booking bets
14:27for running a gambling casino
14:28for being in cahoots with a japanese spy by the name of fuji
14:32now do you want me to go on
14:33who squeals
14:34well taker was probably talking in his sleep again
14:36me what about gruber he's the one with the big mouth
14:38oh yeah
14:39oh you guys are good
14:40all right knock it off you eight balls
14:44oh let him talk mikhail let him talk
14:46i've got it all recorded on tape anyway
14:48that's right and we've got all the evidence buried where you'll never find it
14:51now captain captain
14:55now come on let's talk this over
14:57like like man to man huh
14:58look if the boys have done anything wrong
15:01why uh
15:02look i i i can hit him with extra duty
15:04take away their beer rations
15:06send him to bed without supper
15:07right
15:07knock it off
15:09he'll knock it off
15:10it's all over
15:11for the married madcaps of 73
15:13guards
15:14take him away
15:16hey listen
15:17i'll uh
15:19eat the card marshal
15:20bye bye sir
15:25i suppose he found out everything
15:29that beats me
15:31all this and all that nonsense about a tsutsu fly
15:34there's something fishy going on here
15:36hi fellas
15:36you look like you lost your best friend
15:38we did
15:39all five of them
15:40old lead bottom's got the crew locked up in a pokey
15:42yeah he's got the goods on him
15:43somebody squealed
15:44are you sure
15:46well sure
15:47the boys came down here for their tsutsu shots
15:49and then
15:50somehow or other binghamton got the truth out of them
15:52tsutsu shots
15:53yeah for the dreaded tsutsu fly
15:55i never heard of a tsutsu fly
15:57well binghamton sure did he personally supervised his shots
16:00oh no
16:01could it be possible
16:02yes it could
16:03quentin
16:04i'm afraid your boys have squealed on themselves
16:06what do you mean
16:07binghamton got hold of subsodium pentothal
16:10that's truth serum
16:10out of dr halliford's bag
16:12and he might just be rad enough to
16:14of course
16:15truth serum
16:17that's what binghamton must have done
16:19quince you gotta do something
16:20oh sure but what
16:22he's got all the tape and all the evidence buried somewhere
16:24we'll never find it unless it
16:26unless what skip
16:28unless we get binghamton to talk the same way he made the boys talk
16:33zing
16:34zing
16:35now you sure you remember how molly told you to handle that thing
16:40right skip all full ahead jabbing lamp is lit
16:43all right all right all right
16:45now just put him right behind you
16:47and remember
16:48i'll set him up for you and you
16:50oh pack up all my cares and whoa watch him go i'll miss him so
16:56bye bye
16:58quentin
16:59come on
17:01you can call me admiral now
17:04he's on his way
17:05oh happy day
17:06quinton
17:07bye bye
17:09excuse me sir
17:12oh mikhail
17:14oh now wait a minute mikhail
17:15if you've come to plead for your men
17:16you can save your tears
17:17because
17:18i'm on my way to the officers club
17:20for a little victory celebration
17:21oh
17:22hey
17:23gonna have a
17:23a little victory celebration sir
17:26oh uh captain
17:28hey your hat's on the deck sir
17:30oh so
17:31thank you very much
17:32thank you very much
17:34wait a minute
17:34what am i doing
17:35i'm the commanding officer here
17:37you'll pick that up
17:38that's an order
17:38yes sir
17:39here you are
17:40yes
17:43well we
17:44we sure hope you have a
17:45good time over that night sir
17:47but my goodness
17:48you must have the dropsy's tonight sir
17:51your your tie is on the floor
17:52too
17:53oh
17:55what's going on here
17:58what's going on
17:59i know what this is mikhail
18:00you're here to snoop for evidence
18:02you're snooping snooping
18:02you're snooping
18:03oh no sir
18:04no sir
18:05you've got us all wrong
18:06hasn't you
18:07no i've got you all right
18:09i got you dead to rights
18:10now you get out of here mikhail
18:11no no no no buts about it
18:13what are you doing
18:14i'm just a slow walker i guess
18:17slow walker
18:17get out of here
18:18out out
18:19yes sir
18:20you drop something sir
18:23ouch
18:24well we'll have one last chance at him
18:32at the officers club
18:33hey
18:34maybe we can get molly to help
18:36yeah
18:36maybe i'll get a chance to practice
18:37you know
18:38on guard
18:38all right all right
18:40all right
18:40put it away
18:41come on
18:41come on let's go
18:42yahoo
18:44skul
18:45skul
18:45skul
18:46skul
18:47oh mikhail
18:48old pal
18:49welcome to your own farewell party
18:52all right captain
18:53it's nice to see you in such a good mood
18:55yeah when you drink you're usually mean and ugly
18:57oh man
18:59not tonight
19:00not tonight
19:00i'm drinking to your funeral
19:02everybody drink up
19:04i'm buying
19:04cheers
19:05good idea captain
19:06but how about a dance first
19:07a dance
19:08now you're talking molly
19:09nothing like a little rum
19:10but a work up a thirst
19:11huh
19:12big girl
19:13don't steal the bar while i'm gone
19:15oh yeah
19:16oh yeah
19:17right quick chuck
19:20you hide
19:21and molly will give you the target
19:23well now you know why they call me twinkle toes
19:46the rest of you is doing pretty good too
19:48wait a minute
19:51wait a minute
19:52what are you doing
19:53i'm supposed to be leaving
19:54heaven's sake sir
19:56listen i think i blew out a bearing
19:59now why don't we sit this one out
20:01oh all right
20:03uh but admiral
20:11captain binghamton didn't think you were arriving until morning
20:13i know i thought i'd better get down here a little ahead of time
20:16now where is he
20:17oh well sir he's over at the officers club
20:19i'll go and get him for you sir
20:20never mind lieutenant we'll go together
20:22i want to get this mikhail matter settled once and for all
20:26drink right up captain drink up
20:30well there's no sense denying it sir
20:32you really outsmarted us
20:34yes sir but you can't say we didn't put up a good fight
20:37well i'm glad you admitted mikhail
20:41let's drink your future
20:42in eleven words
20:44bartender give this man a drink
20:48give him something appropriate
20:49something on the rocks
20:51that's in hot
20:52right this way admiral
20:53ladies gentlemen ladies
20:55oh
20:57admiral rogers
20:58i didn't expect you so soon
21:00that is obvious
21:01now what is the meaning of all this revelry
21:03oh the revelry
21:05well it's a
21:05it's a surprise party admiral
21:07it's uh
21:08it's lieutenant carpenter's birthday
21:10it's not my birthday sir
21:11yes it is congratulations
21:12never mind delay that
21:14what is this nonsense about mikhail and his crew
21:17that's what i'd like to know sir
21:19you see
21:19don't you listen to him admiral
21:21don't you
21:21i'm glad you're here
21:22yes i'm glad you're here
21:23the sooner the better
21:24i have got the evidence ready and waiting
21:25you and your weasels are through
21:27will you control yourself binghamton
21:29he said i'm a needle
21:32how did that get you
21:34that's a disgrace
21:35put that needle on report
21:37as you are everybody
21:38sit down
21:39we're going to get to the bottom of this
21:41now what is all this so-called evidence against mikhail and his crew
21:44oh evidence
21:47yes evidence
21:48i uh
21:49my goodness
21:51my head feels light
21:52too many martinis if you ask me
21:55now speak up binghamton
21:56i want the truth about everything
21:57yeah the truth
21:58yes
21:58well now the truth is
22:00i was not drinking martinis
22:02i was drinking bourbon
22:04binghamton let's get down to the facts
22:07oh well before you start uh
22:09captain
22:09why don't you tell the admiral
22:11how much you admire him as an officer sir
22:13yeah every time he's yelling at us
22:14he's always telling us about you
22:16i'd be glad to mikhail
22:18admiral
22:18i think you're the dumbest admiral in the u.s navy
22:22that includes world war one
22:26now don't you believe him sir
22:28why you're really his idol
22:29isn't that right captain
22:31idol idol
22:32he's the a number one jerk in the whole command
22:35binghamton do you know what you're saying
22:38you don't have the ability to command a boat in the tunnel of love
22:42well i don't feel too bad admiral you know those things are pretty hard to handle in the dark
22:46have you lost your mind
22:50excuse me admiral
22:50oh dr hall
22:52something tells me you're just the man i want to see
22:55forgive me for intruding sir
22:56but i came back here looking for my medical bag
22:58and i think
23:00oh well sir i think the captain can help you out
23:02yes sir
23:03help him out that quack
23:04i wouldn't say
23:05the only thing i'd help him out of is an eight story window
23:07binghamton
23:09belay that you nitwit
23:11and that's an order
23:12nitwit
23:13i'm not a nitwit
23:14you're the nitwit
23:15you are not fit to wear those stars on your shoulders
23:18i should have these on mine
23:21fine
23:21you give me
23:22you're fat
23:23you're very fat
23:25oh grab this man he's lost his morals
23:28i knew there was something wrong with him the last time i saw him
23:31sir
23:31come on captain
23:32now wait a minute you just let go
23:34you come along binghamton the doctor and i'm gonna have a long talk with you
23:38now wait a minute you let me go
23:39how dare you touch the only good honest decent person in this room
23:43why even a numbskull like you
23:45i don't know that mikhail is your man
23:46you're fat
23:47why captain
23:52if you're real good you can borrow my butterfly collection
23:54now there goes a really sick man
23:57eh quentin
23:58oh you're so right molly
24:00would you know
24:01that's the worst case of tsutsu fever i've ever seen
24:05oh boy if my bookmaker could see me now
24:13you know something i'm actually beginning to enjoy this jazz
24:16as if we had any choice
24:17yeah there's nothing to do now that we burned all that lovely evidence
24:20skipper's on foundation red
24:24marley coming
24:25have funny look on face
24:27oh brother
24:27ah well i'll bet she's coming up here to collect her things
24:30skipper you better get out of here
24:31i bet her lips are puckered already
24:33there she is she is she is she is a moon
24:34this time it's your turn to run for the hills
24:36oh you're not kidding me paisan here
24:38have fun but remember not too much magenta
24:40sayonara boy sayonara
24:42there you go
24:43there you go
24:43you go
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