- 4 hours ago
McHale and The Crew are all thrown in jail, for various reasons, during which time, a crooked Frenchman steals the 73 to use for some crooked business.
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00:00All right, two men.
00:14We are here in a French port.
00:16Right.
00:18We are here for one reason.
00:20And one reason alone.
00:24And it's not for the reason that you're thinking.
00:26I have been ordered to attend a top-level staff meeting.
00:31Because I know the Navy.
00:33And I know how the Navy operates.
00:37I also know how you pirates operate.
00:40So you're confined to your boat.
00:42Confined to the boat?
00:43You can't do that, Captain.
00:45My men deserve a liberty.
00:46Oh, knock it off, McHale.
00:48The only reason I came on this garbage scow
00:50is because it was the only boat available.
00:53Now, I repeat.
00:55But they are confined to the boat.
00:57I will be back in six hours.
00:59Exactly 1,400.
01:01In the meantime, you can occupy yourself scrubbing that tub.
01:05And that's an order.
01:07Yes, sir.
01:11What a dirty deal.
01:13I don't know if I think you can't do this to us.
01:15After 14 months of fighting with the Japanese,
01:17you'd think they'd give us a couple hours off
01:18to wrestle with the French.
01:20I already had my new target for the night lined up.
01:23My pen pal, Fifi.
01:24What a bum break.
01:26So, maybe.
01:26Hey, Skip, where are you going to resign?
01:28All right, all right, belay it, will you?
01:30Yeah, now, Skipper's right.
01:31You can't disobey a direct order.
01:32That's correct.
01:33When an officer in the Navy gives you an order,
01:35you don't question it.
01:37You obey it.
01:38Now, Banton gave me an order.
01:41And now I'm going to give you swabs one.
01:43Commencing right now.
01:45You've got three hours' liberty.
01:46Now, get out of here and stay out of trouble.
01:49You can't do that.
01:50Hey!
01:50Hey!
01:50You did it.
01:54You did it.
01:55You did it.
01:57Here we go.
01:57Hey!
01:58Hey!
01:58Hello!
01:58Hey!
01:59Hey!
01:59Hey!
01:59Hey!
02:00Hey!
02:00Hey!
03:01You, American cigarette?
03:03Baby, here I come.
03:04Hey, come on back, you guys.
03:06Let them go, Christy Baby.
03:08I'll dig us up a couple of girls.
03:09Yeah.
03:12Four queens.
03:13Girls.
03:15You guys, you have a deck of cards.
03:17Perhaps we could while away a few hours with Game of Chance.
03:21Bonjour, bonjour.
03:23Pourquoi not?
03:23How about a few hands of poker?
03:25You have never played, uh, poker?
03:34No.
03:36Oh, you'll love it.
03:39You'll love it.
03:40Hey, Chuck.
03:47We got three hours until the boys get back.
03:50What do you feel like doing?
03:52Oh, I don't know, Skip.
03:54What do you feel like doing?
03:56Well, I don't know.
03:56Well, but you name it and I'll do it.
03:59So, uh, what do you feel like doing?
04:04Oh, I don't know.
04:06What do you feel like doing?
04:08I don't know.
04:10What do you feel like doing?
04:11I don't know.
04:17Well, one of us has got to think of something.
04:20Yeah.
04:22Hey, I got an idea.
04:23Why don't we give each other haircuts?
04:25Oh, no.
04:26I've had enough of this.
04:27Look, I'm going to go ashore.
04:28I'm worried about the boys and, well, a little checking won't hurt.
04:31I'll see you.
04:32Okay, Skip.
04:32You go ahead.
04:33I'll stay here.
04:37Oh, I've got, uh, three queens.
04:39Is it good?
04:40Yeah, not good enough.
04:43Full house.
04:44A full maison.
04:46Does that beat two pairs?
04:48I'm afraid so, mon ami.
04:50Two pairs of S's.
04:53Two pairs of A's?
04:56Don't tell me.
04:57I have one.
05:00This must be how you say beginner's luck.
05:06Sacre bleu.
05:07Ah, Frenchie, you old buzzard.
05:09You're still dealing from the bottom of the tank, huh?
05:11Oh, my girl.
05:13My girl.
05:14Come on with all that kissing, will you?
05:17Hey, Skip, you know this loving crook?
05:19Yeah, yeah.
05:20Big French and I are old friends.
05:21The best.
05:22I give the shirt off my back to my friend.
05:24Sure, sure, sure, because it's usually my shirt.
05:30This is character and I shipped out together before the war.
05:33But I gotta admit, though, we really shook up the seven seas.
05:38Oh, the way he deals, I'm lucky there's still seven.
05:41Okay, these are you, boys.
05:43Yeah, it's part of my PT boat crew.
05:46PT.
05:47Hello.
05:49I am so sorry, gentlemen.
05:51All bets are off.
05:53I did not know you were friends of McHale.
05:55I only take money from strangers of McHale.
05:58Come here.
05:58Come here.
05:59Come here.
05:59Let me ask all the questions that race around my brain.
06:03Mon ami.
06:05This PT boat, do you have it here with you on the island?
06:08Yes, it's tied up there.
06:10Yeah.
06:11And get that look out of your eyes.
06:13The last time you looked at me like that, my watch ended up hanging in a hock shop in Singapore.
06:19Is there any way to talk about a man who saved your life when you fell overboard in the Zambo Anger?
06:24I didn't fall.
06:25I was pushed.
06:27The important thing is that you were saved.
06:29Now you can pay that favor.
06:31And all I want for you to do is lend me your PT boat.
06:34Lend me.
06:35Ha ha ha.
06:36Come on.
06:36Will you, Frenchy?
06:37There is a shipment of copra with $2,000 just waiting to be picked up on the island of Sukkara.
06:44What about your boat?
06:46Unfortunately, the police have it.
06:48A minor infringement of shipping regulations.
06:52You're like a rum-running, smuggling, piracy on the high seas.
06:58Oh, McHale, you always make with the joke, huh?
07:00But forget about my boat.
07:02What about yours?
07:03Yeah, well, you can forget about my boat, too.
07:05Say, haven't you heard?
07:07There's a war on, remember?
07:08Boom, boom.
07:10Yes, yes, I remember.
07:12I heard something about it.
07:15All right.
07:15Forget about the boats.
07:17Let's have a drink together for all time's sake.
07:19No, you're talking, pal.
07:23Ah, it looks as though I lose the argument, huh?
07:26But as you Americans say, it is not if you win or lose, but how you play the game.
07:33Let's have a drink together for all time's sake.
07:34Come on.
07:35Come on.
07:35Come on.
07:36Hey, move for Stats.
07:38Come on.
07:38Come on.
07:39Come on.
07:39Hey, Gendarme.
07:41Come on.
07:42Gendarme, gendarme, come quickly to the cafe.
08:00An American sailor is attacking three poor Frenchmen.
08:12This is all a mistake. We've been trained.
08:19Well, you can't do this to me, sir. I'm an officer in the United States' name.
08:22Look, you're not.
08:23Hold on, now, now, now. You can't lock me up, sir.
08:26I'm leaving port here in a couple of hours.
08:28I gotta dig up the rest of my crew.
08:29Well, that's secondary for you, monsieur.
08:32What up?
08:35Oh, no.
08:36Me.
08:38I thought I told you jacks for us to stay out of trouble.
08:41Now, what in blazes are you doing here?
08:42Well, I come here every season.
08:44Now, what are we doing here?
08:45Those mansells turned out to be engaged.
08:48What are you doing here?
08:49Oh, never mind.
08:51Now, look, chief, you can't keep us here.
08:53Look up.
08:54Wait a minute. Wait.
08:55Just a minute. I know my rights.
08:57And I know that we're entitled to make one phone call before you lock us up.
09:00You're absolutely right. My apology to you.
09:03What is the name of your commanding officer?
09:08How about, uh...
09:09Oh, forget it.
09:11That's all we need.
09:15Oh, Ledbottom finding out we're in the clink.
09:18We're dead.
09:19D-E-D-D-D.
09:21Dead.
09:21Oh, quiet, you eight balls.
09:23And let me think, will you?
09:25Try to figure a way to get us out of here before Binghamton gets back.
09:29Parker, will you shut up and listen to what I'm saying?
09:32Oh, yes, sir. I heard everything you had to say.
09:35What were you saying?
09:37I said, are you and McHale keeping that gang of pirates on the ball?
09:41Are they scrubbing the boat?
09:42Yes, sir. Yes, sir. We're busy as bees here.
09:45Yes, sir. We were just working our heads off.
09:47Yes.
09:47All right. Tote those crates. Lift those bales.
09:49What crates? What bales?
09:52Huh?
09:53Well, all right, man. Now let's get to work.
09:56Uh, uh...
09:57Willie, more water there.
09:58Yes, Mr. Parker.
10:00I'm going to sit here.
10:01Okay, uh, Tinker, swing that mop.
10:04Yes, Mr. Parker.
10:05Tinker.
10:06Here.
10:07Okay, Gruber.
10:08How about more rags?
10:09Parker, have you been drinking?
10:11Uh, I've been inhaling some G.I. soap, sir, but it's pretty strong, you know.
10:17Now, look, you numbskull, I've got to get back to that meeting.
10:20We're going to wind up ahead of schedule.
10:22So I want you to tell McHale that he's to have that Bill's bar shining in one hour
10:26because we're going to sail then, and that's all.
10:29Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Roger, over now.
10:40Sorry, sir. Sorry.
10:41What's coming up?
10:47Walk, don't run.
10:51Now, let's see.
10:52If I were Commander McHale, and I were in the French port, where would I go?
10:56Get to the...
10:56No, I can never face Mother.
11:05Pardon, this is Commander McHale's PT boat, no?
11:08Oh, yes.
11:09And you are the only one here, yes?
11:12Uh, no.
11:13I mean, yes.
11:14Well, your Commander McHale has just been arrested.
11:16Oh, no.
11:18Oh, yes.
11:19I am his friend, Big Frenchy.
11:20I try to help, but nobody pays attention to a man like me.
11:23But you, the minute I look at you, I can see you are a man of action, yes?
11:29Oh, yeah, no.
11:31Yeah.
11:32Well, yes, no one.
11:33It is the eyes.
11:35And the bull neck and those powerful shoulders.
11:38You remind me very much of that American film star.
11:41How do you call him?
11:43John Wayne.
11:45John?
11:47John Wayne?
11:47Well, look, partner.
11:50This is no time for talk.
11:52This is time for action.
11:55Oh, I forgot.
11:56I can't leave the boat.
11:57Oh, you go right ahead.
11:58As a friend of Commander McHale, I will watch the boat for you.
12:01The police station is right that way.
12:04I don't know.
12:04That's against regulations.
12:06Did you ever see John Wayne worry about regulations when a friend was in trouble?
12:13Watch the boat.
12:14Pull around with me, will you?
12:21I demand the release of Commander McHale, the United States Navy.
12:47Who are you?
12:48I'm Ensign Wayne.
12:49I mean, John Parker.
12:52Chuck Parker.
12:53My name is Chuck.
12:54Hey, Chuck.
12:56Oh, hi, Skip.
12:57Don't worry.
12:57I'll have you out of here in no time.
13:00Now, look, Moan Chief.
13:01I'm sure that we can straighten this whole thing out.
13:04I mean, after all, we're great friends of Maurice Chevalier.
13:07So, now, look.
13:08If you'll just let Commander McHale go.
13:10Let him go!
13:11Commander McHale is being held for disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, destroying private property, and hitting a Frenchman.
13:21He hit a Frenchman?
13:23You hit a Frenchman.
13:24Well, now, look.
13:25After all, if he did all those things, I'm sure he's sorry.
13:30Now, look.
13:30I'm sure we can make it up to you boys somehow.
13:32Look.
13:33Are you trying to bribe an officer of the law?
13:36Bribe an...
13:37Oh, no, no.
13:39I was just going to look at the time.
13:40You see, we have to be out of port in less than an hour.
13:42Arrest this man!
13:43Throw him in with the others!
13:45You can't arrest John Wayne.
13:47She must...
13:47I can arrest you.
13:48I want to end the boss of this Bastille.
13:52Hey, Skip.
13:53We've got to get out of here.
13:53Captain Binghamton called.
13:54Binghamton?
13:55Yeah, he's leaving ahead of schedule.
13:57As a matter of fact, in exactly 49 minutes.
13:59All right, all right.
14:01Don't panic.
14:02Yeah, well, what's he going to say when he comes back and finds that we're not there?
14:06Oh, boy.
14:06It's a good thing I got big Frenchy watching a boat.
14:08Yeah.
14:09Now, listen, you...
14:10Big who watching what?
14:15Oh, your friend.
14:16Big Frenchy.
14:17He volunteered to watch the boat while I was out helping you.
14:20Oh, no.
14:22Now you're the padding.
14:24We've got to get a hold of Virgil.
14:26Maybe he can raise the dough.
14:27Hey, any of you guys know Pee-Pee's number?
14:29Save your nickel, Skip.
14:31They're putting Virgil through now, person to person.
14:33Virgil!
14:36What happened to you?
14:37I was picked up for speeding, Skip.
14:39Speeding?
14:39Where'd you get the car?
14:40I didn't have a car.
14:42I was running from her.
14:43Let me get that.
14:44Oh, you make big promises in the letter, Virgil.
14:47But the promises are all lies.
14:50Lies?
14:50Talk about lying.
14:51What about that phony picture you sent me, Fee-Fee?
14:54Huh?
14:55That's Fee-Fee?
14:57Papa, he doesn't want to marry me.
15:01Papa?
15:04He's her papa?
15:06Don't cry, Mr. T.
15:08Don't cry.
15:09Janelle, throw him in with the others.
15:12Look him up.
15:14Now, now, now, now.
15:15Just a minute, Chief.
15:16I think there's been a slight misunderstanding.
15:18Yes.
15:19You see, this young man wasn't running away from your charming daughter.
15:24No.
15:25He was running into town.
15:28For a tuxedo.
15:29For the wedding.
15:30Yes.
15:30He's very much in love with your, Fee-Fee.
15:33Yes.
15:35Yes.
15:36Yes, sir.
15:37And if you let us out, yeah, we would like to arrange a military wedding complete with
15:4321-gun salute.
15:45Is that right, lover boy?
15:49Yes.
15:49That's great.
15:50Yes.
15:51So, that's all settled.
15:53Now, you two lovebirds get together, huh?
15:55Oh, very dear.
15:57Very dear.
15:59And now, Papa, if you let us out, we would like to go arrange for the ceremony.
16:05And now, let out these troublemakers from this place.
16:08Woo!
16:09Woo!
16:09Woo!
16:09Woo!
16:09Woo!
16:09Woo!
16:10Woo!
16:10Woo!
16:11Woo!
16:11Woo!
16:12Woo!
16:13Woo!
16:13Woo!
16:14Woo!
16:14Woo!
16:15Bon appetit.
16:22I knew it, the boat's gone, that backstabbing barnacle scraper.
16:26Boy, is he in trouble.
16:27Is he in trouble?
16:28Is he in trouble?
16:29Well, sure, Skip.
16:30According to paragraph 11, section 15, a Navy manual, why a civilian can't operate a Navy vessel,
16:34especially during time of war.
16:35Oh, ease off, will you, Chuck?
16:36If that boat isn't back here by the time Binghamton arrives, we'll all be civilians, in Alcatraz.
16:41I wonder what John Wayne would do at a time like this.
16:44He usually jumps on a horse.
16:45Oh, now, will you guys be quiet for heaven's sake?
16:48I'm trying to think.
16:49Now, let's see.
16:50By this time, Frenchy ought to be halfway to Sakara.
16:53And unless we can get started...
16:55Bingo!
16:57There's our solution, boys.
16:58Come on.
16:59Frenchy swiped our boat, so we'll just swipe his.
17:00Hey, yeah.
17:01We'll paint a 73 on it, and Binghamton will never know the difference.
17:03Won't work.
17:04We've got to take off after Frenchy and the 73.
17:05And that's how we're going.
17:06But first of all, fellas, we've got to take care of those gendarmes.
17:10Commander McHale of the United States Navy.
17:11I have just received word of Japanese action at Sakara.
17:12I'm commandeering this boat.
17:13Government orders.
17:14Monsieur Commandeur, we have our orders, too.
17:15Step aside, Buster.
17:16This is the United States Navy.
17:17Commander?
17:18United States Navy.
17:19The United States Navy?
17:20We have to take off after Frenchy and the 73.
17:21And that's how we're going.
17:22But first of all, fellas, we've got to take care of those gendarmes.
17:25Commander McHale of the United States Navy.
17:27I have just received word of Japanese action at Sakara.
17:32I'm commandeering this boat.
17:33Government orders.
17:34Monsieur Commandeur, we have our orders, too.
17:37Step aside, Buster.
17:38This is the United States Navy.
17:40Commander?
17:41Commander?
17:42United States Navy?
17:44Just make contact with MacArthur in the Pacific, sir.
17:46Rendezvous is at 1300.
17:47Right.
17:48I'm always back.
17:49Oh, fine, fine.
17:50Just got a new hat.
17:51Bortable!
17:52Bortable!
17:53Monsieur Irons.
17:54Admiral Nimitz sends his regrets.
17:55He cannot join us on this mission.
17:57He says keep your powder dry.
17:58This is it all, Chester.
18:00Just a minute here, Commander.
18:03McHale of the United States Navy.
18:06Don't interfere with invasion operations.
18:08Sir, British reinforcements are on the way.
18:10Churchill sends you this.
18:12Stonewall Jackson sends his best.
18:14Stonewall Jackson!
18:15Guide the boat!
18:16Stand to the engine!
18:17Shield orders not to be open until after we leave.
18:19Goodbye.
18:23Stonewall Jackson?
18:25Hey, wait for me!
18:26It's all right.
18:27He's one of us.
18:28He's President Roosevelt's special messenger.
18:30I'll see you get the Croix de Guerre.
18:33It's all right, Ricky!
18:34It's all right, Ricky!
18:45Okay, take.
18:46Cut your engines.
18:48Hey, Skip, why are we sneaking up like this anyway?
18:50I mean, after all, we're the good guys.
18:52Why don't we just fire a shot across our bow?
18:54With what?
18:55Slingshots?
18:56No guns on this old tub.
18:58We're gonna have to go out and get those French hijackers with our bare hands.
19:01Oh, really?
19:02Well, you don't have to worry then, Skip.
19:03Good thing I kept up my judo.
19:05Ha!
19:06Ha!
19:07Ha!
19:09All right, all right.
19:10Save us for later, will ya, Slugger?
19:24Look, there's our boat.
19:25Let's take her.
19:26Wait, wait, Chuck.
19:31Oh, man, we're really dead.
19:33yeah now the nips have our boat and us with no weapons hey boys let's go back to the boat right
19:39away we run it skip yeah but we're coming right back we're gonna make a little japanese salad with
19:45uh some french dressing come on japanese salad with french dressing i thought they used sukiyaki sauce
20:03who are you what is going on here i do not understand all this french talk
20:28you see we are french we are neuters we love everybody hey you must have the unhappy childhood
20:39imagine all of what you are doing here who are you well we are happy french sailors we love everybody
20:46but these pigs we hate yeah collaborate with the americans for free pity board ride
20:52ah suck it please monsieur mikhail to you swine it's nana mikhail hey what what he says says he is a
21:04filthy turncoat yeah may we curse on the mother's goat hey filthy filthy turncoat yes you will like them we
21:13hey you like them hey is that the right more compatriots oh we we like hey like hey
21:27like hey like hey i assist you stop anything you say monsieur we stop hey hey mon ami
21:43then we like you we hate
21:56hey that's great sky what style of judo was that american style it's called a shot in the head
22:01a shot in the head i'd remember that all right all right all right let's get these prisoners on board
22:06and now let's go we gotta get moving oh bulun unami i'm so happy to see you
22:11My children take quite a beating, but you saved Frenchy's life.
22:14Yeah, well, that makes us even for Zambo anger.
22:17Yeah, you're stealing our PT boat of all the low-down scurvy tricks.
22:22You like me, I can tell.
22:24How Frenchy could ever have stolen anything from a man like you, I do not know.
22:30You, I like me, I hate you.
22:33Come on, come on, will you? Don't start that all over again.
22:37Yeah, well, then, listen, boy, this is it.
22:39Frenchy, your boat is on the other side of the island.
22:43Let's not just say au revoir, let's say bye-bye, bye-bye.
22:49Bye-bye.
22:51I'm a blender.
22:56Boy, he sure likes you, Skip.
22:58I guarantee you, after what he's been through today, he's going to go straight.
23:03Friend? That French frog just stole my wallet!
23:06Hey!
23:07I thought he was going to go straight.
23:22Hi, Captain. Sorry we're a little late, sir.
23:25Not a little late.
23:26McHale, when I'm through with you, you'll be so finished you won't even be able to sail a boat across a bathtub.
23:32Now, I've got a list of charges against you that's going to make Benedict Arnold look like the American of the year.
23:38So, you ready for this?
23:39Yes, sir.
23:40One, direct disobedience of orders.
23:43Huh?
23:43Two, absence without leave.
23:46Three, dereliction of duty.
23:48Four, stealing a French vessel.
23:50Five, assault and battery on French citizens.
23:54Well, now, those are five good charges, sir.
23:56Yes, sir.
23:56But if I may say so, I have a good answer for each of them, sir.
24:01What are you talking about?
24:02Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
24:03Well, now, well...
24:04Press mirrors front and center.
24:16There you are, sir.
24:18Five of them.
24:19Come.
24:19Okay, I don't believe you.
24:26You're trying to pull something on me again.
24:29Now, who are these people you've got made up to look Japanese?
24:31Ah!
24:49Oh, I don't believe you.
25:10I don't believe you.
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