- 21 hours ago
Binghamton pressures a new member to spy on McHale, but the Captain's plan is foiled by another new member who is intelligent and an excellent sailor.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Okay, here's where we get rid of the shoe clerks.
00:06I'll see your nickel and raise you a quarter.
00:09I'm out.
00:10Out.
00:10Oh, come on, shorty, that's not funny.
00:13Can't you control him?
00:15Now, if you don't behave, we'll trade him for a cock-a-spaniel.
00:19Remember that.
00:21All right, how about it, Mr. Parker?
00:22You in or out?
00:23Oh, well, first I gotta ask a question.
00:26Four aces better than that full house I had last time.
00:28There we go again.
00:30Hey, you, put that gun down.
00:33Look out!
00:34Hey, don't put that at me!
00:35He pulls that trigger.
00:37Now, now, easy.
00:38Easy, shorty, easy now.
00:41Easy now, you hand over the gun.
00:43Hand it over.
00:46Well, those fiends, they're trying to kill me again.
00:48Oh, no!
00:49Leadbottom!
00:53Captain, are you all right, you killers?
00:55You shot your captain.
00:57And you're trying to gun me down in cold blood.
00:59Sir, no.
01:00Sir, look at your hat.
01:02Oh, the hole.
01:02Find the hole.
01:03Am I leaking?
01:05Capander, you'll call a short patrol.
01:07No, no, no, wait a minute.
01:08Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
01:09Hold it.
01:09Now, now, Captain, look, nobody shot at you, sir.
01:13It was just a chimp who swiped Mr. Parker's .45
01:15and then went off by accident, that's all.
01:17Yeah, honest, Captain.
01:18It wasn't Shorty's fault.
01:19He didn't mean to take a shot at you.
01:20Now, Shorty, you tell him you're sorry.
01:21That's Japanese for I'm sorry.
01:27Parker, you get rid of this furry little delinquent right away,
01:30and that's an order.
01:31One baboon around here is enough.
01:32Give me that hat.
01:33That's an order.
01:34Give me the hat.
01:36Shorty, come back here.
01:37Shorty, give the hat back.
01:39Shorty!
01:40Give me the hat back.
01:41Shorty!
01:41Come on, baby!
02:11would you look at that carpenter would you look at that now there has got to be some way that i
02:34can get some incriminating evidence on mikhail and his murderers some way some way
02:39captain captain binghamton what no i'm general custer and i just got back from little bighorn
02:50what do you want what what what seaman orville tuttle reporting for duty sir for what duty duty duty
02:55duty we don't run a kindergarten here sir he's the new crew member for the pt-73 pete mikhail he's
03:03this naive apple cheek youth is going to join mikhail and that scroungy bunch of cutthroats
03:10yes sir i have my orders for you right here sir and oh and mother sent you these sir
03:15they're oatmeal cookies she baked them herself she baked them myself oh for pete's sake
03:21oh no they're they're just for you sir will you stop with your mother already now i am not about to send
03:27some little infant like you over there to join mikhail and his mafia so you just take your toys
03:31and you toddle over to the processing shack oh no sir please please i i join the navy to see
03:36action sir i'll i'll do anything you say anything you hear that you'll do anything i say if that
03:42isn't the most the most ridiculous thing i ever heard of sir i can see that it's ridiculous to send
03:47a young boy like that shut up shut up well i thought you're in front of this brave young man
03:52what's the matter with you son you say you'll do anything i say to see action oh yes sir that's
03:59all i've dreamed about sir since i kissed mother goodbye and gave her my sugar ration card sir
04:02well boy i'll tell you you're going to see action i am going to make you my personal spy
04:10you're going to infiltrate enemy lines and you're going to help me get information that'll wipe them
04:15out spy sir well gosh i don't think i make a very good spy sir i they didn't teach us japanese in boot
04:21camp anything about japanese i'm talking about the real enemy mikhail sir i only signed up to fight
04:28the japanese sir you don't fight anybody i tell you to fight if you don't dismute me now i'll have you
04:32in front of a firing squad firing squad but sir i'm too young to die i haven't even been tattooed yet
04:38now stop sniveling boy stop sniveling you do a good job of spying and i'll uh i'll treat you to a
04:43tattoo get your nice big heart we'll put it there we'll put mother on it get your gear lad you're gonna
04:47love this it's gonna be fun fun fun put on up here matey welcome aboard boy i'm your new
04:55commanding officer yes sir lieutenant commander quinn mikhail seaman orville tuttle reporting for
04:59duty sir oh no no no forget that jazz boy yeah we're very informal around here yes sir boys meet orvey
05:06there's nothing to be nervous about nervous i'm not nervous what the devil hey skip look
05:17hey chuck what happened oh sure he stole my gun but don't worry he's only got five shots left
05:26uh four oh vj day where are you here give me a hand here will you boy that orby's really something
05:35these draft boards are sure robbing the crate on him he made us wait out here while he gets dressed
05:42what must be an only child hey skip do we have to keep him why don't we put him up for adoption huh
05:46yeah now wait a minute you guys just a minute look this is his first time in a war zone he's a
05:51little spooked up ah the kid's gonna be fine holy mackerel i forgot all about it tonight slew out
05:58hold it hold it hold it hold it hold it boys hold it i'm sorry boys i'm sorry but we gotta cancel
06:07the festivities keep quiet now hold it this is alby's first night on the base and well i just don't feel
06:15that it's right we should go out in a toot and leave him here all alone now doggone it skip where
06:19sailors not nurse maids come on well i tell you skip i could work on my supply requisition why don't
06:24you guys go ahead and i'll stay here and babysit hey that's a great idea mr parker you're a prince
06:29now how about it skip well it was all set up and we did promise the chief
06:34hold it will you all right i'll tell you what we do chuck uh you just tell uh orby uh that we had
06:43to leave on a secret mission that's it a very hush hush okay come on girls let's go come on
06:48so long you guys uh bring me some poi if i got any doggy bags uh and some parker uh oh um
06:55boy i'll work with you sailor i hope your bun's ready for inspection
06:58sir where were commander mccale and the fellas going with all those girls uh girls uh you saw girls
07:07uh well oh well then uh you got it all right yeah you got the jungle dts yeah happened so you
07:13wouldn't be out here for a long time yeah i start seeing girls everywhere yeah i had a bad case of
07:17it once yes sir you wouldn't believe it but i went with a palm tree for three weeks before they cured
07:21me i just got here sir you did oh well uh say uh your bunk made up for inspection well yeah that's
07:30how they taught us to make them a boot camp it is huh well it'll never pass inspection around here
07:34come on over to gruber's bunk i'll show you how it should be made up i see that that's how it's
07:39supposed to be made up see how smooth that blanket is yes sir boy not a wrinkle in there that's the
07:45way we uh uh say boy those sheets are really starched aren't they he probably got the uh corners
07:52tucked right under the uh that's a dice table it is i mean it isn't no no uh no actually uh uh that's
08:00a battle map yeah you haven't probably seen one of those before uh see those were grid coordinates
08:04on it yeah probably notice the aisle of any craps on it uh first time you've been in combat kid
08:08but that looks just like it it is well uh look so you know what you better shave her i'm gonna
08:12put you on report but i just shaved a month ago sir you did uh well your five o'clock fuzz
08:18beginning to show through and i'll tell you what you go shave and then come on over to my place and
08:21i'll uh teach you some hand-to-hand combat you never know when somebody's gonna sneak up on you
08:25see that that chair was out to get me notice how i yeah huh
08:35okay shorty take 10 and hurry right back
08:42hey what's that light doing out on the radio shack
08:48captain binghamton sir can you hear me hello hello will you stop hello and speak up boys speak
09:01speak yes sir it's conditioned applesauce applesauce hey oh don't you please please i'm just a boy
09:10only 18 honest ask my mother i mean well now look don't change the subject how come you're tinking
09:16around with the radio the radio oh the radio well i was trying to get the uh the guy lombardo show
09:21yeah he played at my high school prom he did oh oh you mean you're homesick yeah well why didn't
09:26you say so here i'll get tokyo rose for you next to hirohito galambardo is her favorite
09:31of course you gotta promise not to surrender yes sir i promise
09:35paddle oh boob i lost contact with him but sir he did manage to say applesauce which is our code
09:43word meaning that he's uncovered some important evidence i know what that means who do you think
09:47gave it to him you boo so i signaled a rendezvous with him on the double too i think we might have
09:52something on michael's time good wait oh sir oh no i didn't know i'm sorry tokyo rose didn't play
10:01any lombardo records but that was a pretty catchy rendition of pomp and circumstance wasn't it yeah
10:05yeah well uh thanks for letting me listen mr parker uh they could be going to bed now oh good oh say
10:12listen a lot of nips around here but uh you don't have to be nervous with a combat veteran like me
10:19around man when they show up i get uh hey what was that uh what what's what what what's what i'm
10:26the lincoln blink i mean the the blinking light over there well i don't see anything sir uh you don't
10:30no hey there it goes again oh boy it's a nip invasion where is that stupid kid why do they blink back
10:40believe me sir there's no one out there yeah well we'll find out okay you nip we know you're out
10:49there parker get down
10:51how they're gonna play coy huh all right well blast them out of water get to the gun
10:58mr parker please don't shoot i'm sure there's no one out there will you stand back tell them pull
11:08yourself together it's them or us
11:09sir we've been hit we're sinking we're sinking sir just sit there stick your finger in the dice
11:20sir i can't get them all i'm trying i'm trying i'm trying i'm trying i can't get them all help me
11:30help me sir oh we're going down hey i got them they're kaput try and bonsai ends and parker will
11:41you jack what's going on here what's all the shooting about you all right kid yes sir it's
11:46all right skip i just knocked off a nip invasion that's all why all by yourself come on mr parker
11:52no really i saw this blinking light and when they didn't answer my challenge well i'll let them have
11:56it hey skip look oh no captain captain what happened are you all right sir you how can i be all right
12:10parker you maniac you're on that trigger you
12:13riddle me oh no no no no no wait just a minute captain now what were you doing out in the middle
12:19of that lagoon at this hour of the night sir and then what's with the blinker signal sir
12:22i wasn't blinking i was uh fishing fishing oh come on captain fess up now you were trying to
12:29sneak up on us weren't you sir well you're calling me a liar may you a commanding officer
12:34oh no sir but uh the commanding officer ought to know that mr parker had every right to fire at you
12:39sir when you didn't answer his challenge and there isn't a court marshal board in the navy sir
12:44that won't back him to the hilt and when they find out that you were fishing without a license
12:49shut that fat little lip of yours
12:52now captain don't worry now we'll get you out of those wet clothes boys get the boat ready come on
12:59boys let's go
13:00sir i'm sorry i i tried my door shut up shut up shut up i don't want to hear a word out of you
13:07hey willie what'd you cook this will with a blowtorch anybody know how many calories there are in ashes
13:20they ought to declare this whole breakfast a disaster area
13:23hey willie you gotta be kidding barbecued orange juice look when i said i'd cook for you i didn't
13:29promise it'd be good look skip we better get you know who back pretty fast before we all die of
13:33starvation yeah we've punished ourselves enough thanks a lot anyway willie hey look kid i want
13:40to talk to you look when we heard that you were coming aboard we had to get rid of our cook see
13:45but uh as you can see it just ain't working out is it so now uh before we bring that cook back
13:52i gotta know something can we trust you with a great big secret hey that's a 73 somebody starting
13:58up my engine it's shorty old boy it's that blaster chipper shorty no
14:05come on
14:07that's a no-no
14:09oh for the love of mike shorty that's a navy boat the civilians aren't allowed
14:17holy jumping hannah shorty come back here in that boat
14:26come back shorty bring the boat cut the engine come back here
14:32well would you believe it who's ever gonna believe that a chimp stole the pt-73 a banana-eating
14:44chimp boy this is the living end yeah the end for us he'll wreck it for sure why couldn't
14:50he swipe up caps like the other kids yeah i'll get in the radio and order them back
14:53why you kid and the chip can't work a radio what am i talking about a chip can't run a pt
14:59boat either come on let's go a twerp tuttle first he almost gets us killed and then he
15:06doesn't even have the brains to report back here okay now it's about time you jackass another two
15:14minutes and i oh admiral rogers oh it's fine day admiral well not bad for a jackass
15:20oh never mind the apology i'll take care of you later right now there's a knit sub patrolling the
15:27area i want you to send the 73 boat out after it right away but but why the 73 admiral i mean we
15:34have a lot of other splendid pt boats i said i wanted the 73 captain now do as i ordered
15:40over and out or should i say hee-haw hee-haw
15:46that's cute admiral love your sense of humor love it you admiral
15:52oh fogey imagine i'm sending mikhail out on a mission just when i'm ready to pounce
15:59oh i'd like to tell that rogers a thing or two why don't blame you sir i'll get him right back and
16:03you can tell him would you get admiral right now if you want to phone somebody phone a bone
16:08specialist hurt you oh no sir uncle chucky to shorty uncle chucky to shorty hello shorty uh come in
16:18hey did you hear that he hears me he hears me uh now look shorty you bring that boat right back
16:25i'm gonna paddle you good
16:26you hear me shorty no i'm not gonna stand for any monkey business you get right back here
16:36of all the miserable goof-ups honestly in all my days in this man's navy i have never seen
16:46boys if that's captain binghamton we're cooked
16:51uh mikhail here mikhail yes sir conflict reports a nip sub loose in your area go out and get it
17:03i go out and get i well wait a minute sir wait a minute i beg your pardon sir did you say go out
17:08on the 73
17:09no use a skateboard the navy is paying you a dollar and 38 cents an hour now go on your keep
17:17captain wait a minute please don't hang up please don't
17:21well that's it boys we're as good as dead unless you feel like waiting out after that nip sub
17:31poor smith here we come all the bum luck done in by a chimp now look chuck you gotta talk that
17:39chimp into bringing that boat back or we've had it now look shorty bring that boat back here
17:46hey uh look shorty if you bring the boat back i'll give you a nice big yellow banana banana
17:54now what shorty you get away from those guns those bullets cost money those are real shells
18:04exploding the 73's under fire oh no you don't think you can be there oh wait a minute that nip sub
18:08five will get your ten if they spotted the 73
18:11shorty you get out of there fast you hear me bring back that boat you dumb april strangle you
18:26with my bare hands you hear me
18:28shorty say something say something
18:46what's happening what sounds like a direct head please don't let it be the 73
18:57now look shorty you come in you hear me this is your ensign speaking
19:09get it mr parker the radio's dead
19:12well that's it
19:1673's gone
19:19and i went down with her monkey in command
19:23i'll go out and shoot myself why bother old lead bottom will save us all the trouble
19:30hello get me captain binghamton and hurry
19:37poor shorty didn't have a chance
19:41a better chance than we'll have when lead bottom gets his mitts on us
19:44say that again
19:45hey what's orvi doing on the field farm
19:48captain binghamton this is orvi applesauce applesauce
19:53hey orvi what are you doing what the devil are you up to
20:00mikhail mikhail
20:02that was mikhail's voice he cut him off
20:05that means he's still on the island
20:06he didn't go out after that sub as i ordered him to
20:09and that's mutiny
20:10sir then you can have them shot
20:13oh you've won you've won sir you've won
20:15you've won
20:15calm down boy calm down
20:16but we gotta get over there right away and try to save tuttle
20:18they'll probably kill him for squealing on me
20:20sir i i didn't want to spy on you honest
20:24but but he made me
20:25captain binghamton made me
20:26yeah i'll bet
20:27how could you think on your own crew
20:28just give me five minutes alone with him skip
20:30just five minutes
20:31all right all right
20:32leave him alone
20:32leave him alone
20:33it wasn't a kid's fault
20:34that captain brow beat him into it
20:36right kid
20:37yes sir
20:38all right
20:39now what we gotta worry about is
20:40oh no
20:43oh i don't believe it
20:47oh my
20:49holy cow
20:50look we're going flying
20:51you want to be beautiful
20:53she is sick after
20:54hold it hold it
21:00he's gonna ram the dock
21:01oh no i can't look
21:03look at that
21:13look at that
21:15that doggone monkey brought it in just as good as i can
21:18come on boys
21:22well how she got away from the nips
21:35well we'll discuss that with him later
21:37i tell you what right now boys we gotta get out to see and get that nip sub
21:40before lead bottom finds out
21:41hey skip look enemy closing fast
21:43oh no of all the miserable timing
21:48all right you pirates freeze don't move you're all under arrest
21:57and hi captain
22:01i don't know you're still alive
22:04can't you do anything right
22:06i was hoping to hang a murder wrap on these pirates along with mutiny and desertion
22:11i have a big pardon sir did you say mutiny and desertion
22:14yes i said mutiny and desertion and don't you bat your big baby blues at me mikhail
22:20you did not go out after that nip sub as i ordered you to and i've got a witness to that tunnel
22:25uh yes sir
22:27now sound off lad did the pt-73 or did it not go out as ordered
22:33the pt-73 did go out sir
22:46what it went out
22:49well you want to peel the engines they're still hot
22:52mikhail
22:54you brainwashed the kid didn't you
22:56you poisoned that poor underdeveloped little mind
23:00all right cuttles you're gonna rue the day that you finked out on me carpenter
23:04lock him up with the rest of them
23:05now now wait just a minute now hold on there
23:08complete calling pt-73
23:10come in 73
23:11hey hey let me have that radio willy
23:14here you go skip
23:14are we tuned in
23:15yes skip
23:16uh this is pt-73 come in complete over
23:18this is admiral rogers mikhail
23:20admiral rogers i'm so glad you called
23:23this is captain binghamton
23:25will you hear what they've done now admiral
23:26will you get off of the mic i know all about it now put mikhail back on there
23:31oh good sir i'm glad you know all about it you're gonna get it mikhail he knows all about it
23:36lay in the admiral get the good one
23:37hello mikhail
23:39good news
23:41reconnaissance just reported the 73 sunk that knit sub
23:45congratulations that's a job well done
23:48we sunk the sub
23:50you're not kidding
23:51how can i sink the sub admiral and everyone out
23:54i'm putting you and your gallant men in for a unit citation
23:58and keep up the good work
24:00oh yes sir and thank you very much sir
24:03over and out sir
24:04not a unit citation how can i hang a bunch of heroes
24:07you can say that again captain
24:09now then uh what did you have on your mind captain
24:12yeah there must be something else you can hate us for
24:14shut up shut up
24:16nobody else opened their mouth
24:18not one peep out of anybody
24:19if i hear so much as a peep i'm gonna have you all for insubordination
24:22get that man's name and
24:29oh no it's that little monster again
24:34i'll hang him from the high
24:35no no no captain captain look it's really a chip
24:37wait captain wait
24:39don't do it
24:40don't captain don't
24:41don't do it
24:44check it out
24:52okay
24:57okay
25:01The End
Be the first to comment