- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S04E04 - It & amp Only Rock And Roll.
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:05I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:09Cause if you are the best ones
00:12But you don't ask questions
00:14Then brother, I'm your man
00:17Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:21It's like the changing of the seasons
00:23And the tides of the sea
00:25But is the one what's driving me bizarre
00:29Why do only fools and horses work
00:33La-la-la-la
00:34La-la-la-la-la
00:36La-la-la-la
00:38La-la-la-la-la
00:40La-la-la-la
00:41La-la-la-la-la
00:44Yeah, so we're definitely rehearsing tonight, yeah?
00:54Eight o'clock down the hall.
00:56Right.
00:57Oh, where'd the rest of the group be there this time?
01:01Oh, great, man.
01:04Oi, Ringo.
01:05I hope my huffing and puffing ain't interrupting you.
01:08No, no, it's just no sweat, man.
01:10Well, it certainly ain't coming from you, you lazy little git.
01:13Oi, come on.
01:14Charlie, look, I've got to go. I'll see you later on, all right?
01:21Are you actually in with a group tonight?
01:22Group. You're a drummer. I ain't got no drums.
01:25Yeah, well, silly day shit, innit?
01:27I don't know what you want to waste your time with that bunch of wallies for.
01:30They're not a bunch of wallies.
01:32Anyway, you haven't even heard us play yet.
01:34I don't need to, do I? I know who your lead singer is.
01:37Mental Mickey.
01:39Oi, there's nothing wrong with Mickey Maguire.
01:41Nothing wrong? Only bit a bloke's ear off once, that's all.
01:45Not all of it.
01:50Before you become deeply involved in any musical argument
01:54with mental Mickey, make sure you're wearing a bulletproof balaclava.
02:01Get this stuff in the van.
02:03What we bought, anyway?
02:05Hmm?
02:06Oh, no, it's obvious, innit?
02:08Sausages.
02:10It's talking dolls, innit?
02:12I know that. I mean, what sort of stock is it?
02:15I mean, is it bankrupt, fire damage, water damage, soiled, or just plain hooky?
02:20There's nothing like that, Rodney. These are near-perfects.
02:24Near-perfects? Yeah.
02:25Well, what's wrong with them?
02:26Hey.
02:27Well, if there's nothing wrong with them, Del, why aren't they called perfect?
02:30It's just a bit of legal jargon used by the insurance companies to save on paperwork, that's all.
02:36Don't worry about it.
02:37Oh, well, that's easy for you to say, Del, but I'm the one who has to go down the Arndale Centre and flog them things.
02:43I mean, look at all the aggro I had last Christmas over them cricket bats, eh?
02:47Each one personally autographed by Viv Richards.
02:51Each one was personally autographed by Viv Richards.
02:57Oh, it wasn't THE Viv Richards.
03:00It was Davey Richards' eldest sister.
03:03I had nothing but comebacks on them.
03:06Now, you'll be all right with these things, Rodney.
03:09I mean, here I'll look. Take a look at them, eh?
03:13Now, can you see anything wrong with it?
03:16Stop that.
03:18I mean, you look all right.
03:19Ooh!
03:20All right.
03:21All right, this is Taiwan's finest, Rodney.
03:25This is quality par excellence, this gear.
03:28Anyway, we'll pick the rest up after dinner.
03:30Go on, jump in the van.
03:35What's up, Dad?
03:39What?
03:40No, I thought you said something.
03:43What?
03:46Oi.
03:47I reckon this group of mine could really go places.
03:49The sooner, the better, if you ask me.
03:51We're stalling ourselves when Frankie goes to Hollywood.
03:53Oh, terrific.
03:54Oh!
03:59You dozy little trunk, Rodney.
04:01You bang on the roof of my van again like that.
04:04It won't be Frankie goes to Hollywood.
04:05It'll be Rodney goes to hospital.
04:08Oh!
04:10The hell, Dale.
04:11I said I'm sorry, didn't I?
04:12You will be.
04:13If I get scared of you.
04:14If I get scared of you.
04:17I've got a bum coming now.
04:19I feel that.
04:20Now I'm back.
04:21The wind is blowing.
04:22The snow is snowing.
04:23No, no.
04:24Oi!
04:25Get your thieving hands off!
04:26I weren't feeling all that well, Dale.
04:27Yeah, I'd feel a bloody sight worse if I catch up my Cavossieri again.
04:29What's all the big hurry then?
04:30I'll tell you what the big hurry is.
04:31I've just heard a very interesting bit of news down the pub and I...
04:33Oi, you.
04:34Here, listen.
04:35Have you heard of the Shamrock Club over at Deptford?
04:38The Paddy's Mullin-a-Rouge.
04:39That place?
04:41Well.
04:42I read about it in a local paper.
04:43Hmm.
04:44Well, their resident of Joe, Braggie,
04:46their resident, Boise,
04:59Well, I read about it in a local paper hmm. Well, their resident band the Dublin Bay Stormers
05:09Ruck last weekend, and they're all banged up on remote show
05:14So what is it next Sunday? Hey, it's some Patrick's night in it. Hey, it's the biggest owner of the year and the Shamrock Club ain't got a band
05:22But I had
05:25You don't mean young Rodney in that bunch of Wallis
05:30They can't do all that mother McCree stuff listen, you don't know Rodney that well. He's a very talented little lad
05:38Yeah, they'll love him. They'll chair him limp rim limb. Well, I still get it's probably a red nose
05:44It's nothing to do with me down. No, that's right. No, well, I'll keep my opinions to myself. Yeah, you do that
05:50Don't seem right though. No, I mean, it's not fair
05:55Bruno's arse, but you don't go on about it
05:59Shamrock club. Yeah, can I speak to Liam, please? Yeah, it's Derek Trotter. Thank you
06:08Liam, tell boy
06:16How are you pal? Trippin'
06:20Yeah, yeah, listen, I just heard the tragic news about the Stormers. God, the bloody laws in this country, they're diabolical, ain't they, eh?
06:28Yeah, well, how are you fixed for a band then on St Paddy's night?
06:33Well, this is it. I mean, where do you find a good band these days?
06:37Well, yeah, I know, no, there's a lot of cowboys about and I'm sorry, what's what noise?
06:44Oh, that! That, well, that's what I was phoning you about, you see. I'm down here at the community hall and there's a group of youngsters on the stage rehearsing
06:52Yeah, that's them in the background now. Do what? Just a minute. Oi, keep it down will you lads? I'm on the blower
07:00Hold on Liam, I'll just go and close the door, alright mate?
07:04There we are, now we can hear ourselves speak. Do what? Yeah, no, that is funny, they do sound a lot like the Bachelors. Yeah, in fact, that's who they model themselves after.
07:26Yeah, well, of course, there is some good news and there's some bad news here, Liam. The bad news is that they are expensive, it's 300 sobs, I'm afraid, but the good news is they are free on St Paddy's night. Yeah, alright.
07:42He wants to think about it. That shouldn't take long, should it?
07:46No, no, no, come on Liam, you carry on my old son, no, you carry and take all the time in the world, I've got plenty of time.
07:56Oh, everything's dark. Oi, close that door, will you?
08:04Yeah, well, you won't go far wrong with these boys, Liam. No, no, you know it makes sense. Yeah, listen, there is one thing, um, they, not me, they, you understand, they insist on cash in advance.
08:15Yeah.
08:16Do what? Alright, I'll tell you what, my old son, I'll pop down in about an hour. Alright, pal? Trif, ta-ra.
08:26My darling, my darling.
08:33He he, he he, he he, he he, he he, he he.
08:38The family used to tell stories about you and your business activities. I never believed them up until now.
08:44Get in, get out, don't look back, that's my motto. He he he he he.
08:48I can't wait to tell young Rodney the good news. Here, listen, you keep quiet. This is gonna be a, well, it's a surprise, right?
08:55Well, it's nothing to do with me, Del. I just hope I don't let Ed slip out.
09:00Now, that would be very unfortunate, wouldn't it, eh?
09:04I tell you what, would you like a nice large brownie in there, Uncle Albert?
09:08That's nice of you, son.
09:10Yeah, thank you.
09:11It's alright.
09:12Might as well leave the bottle down here, save me having to keep on getting up.
09:17Have a nice evening.
09:23You blackmailing old bark.
09:30Come on, Rodney, give us some cymbals!
09:47Cymbals?
09:49What's he doing here?
10:06Just came down and listened to you lads. Don't mind it?
10:11You'd just come down here on the wind-up, didn't you?
10:13Au contraire, Rodney, au contraire.
10:17In fact, I'm very impressed.
10:20He sounds in very good voice, this young mental Mickey.
10:23I don't like people calling me that!
10:25I'm so sorry.
10:26I'd better put my hands over my earlobes, hadn't I?
10:29Why don't you piss off down the porch, right?
10:31Oi, oi, watch it.
10:32This is our community hall.
10:34Anyone's entitled to walk in here?
10:38Come on, then. Let's hear you.
10:40Yeah, come on. He's not gonna put us off.
10:42Yeah, right. One, two, three.
10:45Oi, Rodney, I'd do the one, two, three, fours.
10:48Yeah, sure.
10:52One, two, three, four!
10:54Hold on, hold on, hold on.
10:56Where did you learn to count?
10:58I ain't never been to Rampton.
11:01I ain't never been to Rampton.
11:02Who started in rumours about me being in Rampton?
11:04Right, Mick, take it easy.
11:05Well, I ain't never been to Rampton!
11:08I've been to Broadmoor once or twice, but that's...
11:10Come on.
11:14Come on.
11:16One, two, three.
11:19I told you once, Rodney, I'm not gonna tell you again, son!
11:21I ain't doing a one, two, three, fours!
11:23Right.
11:26One, two, three, fours!
11:31Listen here, stop me if you've heard it.
11:33A million kids don't have nothing to deserve it.
11:36Don't complain about the nights.
11:39You boys will be boys.
11:41We'll be boys!
11:42Hold up, hold up!
11:44What is it now?
11:45Hold up!
11:47Why, I'm very surprised.
11:49I came down here expecting you bunch of wallies to sound like a cat being doctored without anaesthetic.
12:01What?
12:02You're very good.
12:04All right, you're not quite up to the standard of spanner ballet or durrum-durrum.
12:10There is something about your music that I like.
12:13It's...
12:14Well, it's got something.
12:17I only hope it ain't catching.
12:21If this is all some build-up to some very funny joke,
12:24would you just tell us all now and stop wasting everybody's time?
12:27It's not a joke, Rodney.
12:29No, not a joke.
12:30I mean it.
12:31I'm very impressed.
12:32Very.
12:33Bravo!
12:34Bravo!
12:37Of course, you do realise that you're all gonna flop like a jelly on a wet mattress, don't you?
12:41Oh, yeah?
12:42Why are we gonna flop?
12:43Because you're undisciplined.
12:44You ain't gonna go nowhere until you get your act together.
12:48Yeah?
12:49Well, my mate's cousin works for a ruffle company and he reckons he can get us a contract.
12:53Oh, yeah?
12:54And my mate's a doorman down at Chelsea.
12:56But he can't get me a bloody game, can he?
12:58No, you're still rough around the edges.
13:02I mean, why don't you take a butcher's of yourselves?
13:05You look like something a cat has dragged in.
13:07And then dragged out again.
13:09You've got to shut it.
13:11We like looking like this.
13:12We're Marxist, Trotskyite anarchists.
13:15Yeah.
13:16Yeah.
13:20Why do you want to be superstars then?
13:22Because we want to be rich, Marxist, Trotskyite anarchists.
13:27Not too rich.
13:28No.
13:29Just a little bit rich.
13:31Money ain't everything.
13:32No, but it certainly takes the sting out of being poor, though, doesn't it?
13:36Now, it strikes me that what you need,
13:38you need, um, someone to steer you in the right direction.
13:41You know, look after your interests.
13:43Well, what you need is a manager.
13:47Now, hold on, hold on.
13:49Don't look at me.
13:50No, no, because a bloke who comes as your manager,
13:53he's got to buy you all new equipment, hasn't he?
13:55And you've got to get new drums, new guitars,
13:57and a new set of speakers.
13:59Now, that's going to cost an arm and a leg.
14:03I thought you said we was good.
14:05You are good.
14:07You're all natural.
14:08You've got raw talent.
14:12Hey!
14:13Shut up!
14:18Don't want to put your money where your mouth is, though, do you?
14:20Do you think I'm the kind that won't back my instinct?
14:23You know me, Rodney.
14:24He who dares wins.
14:26The fact of the matter is, uh, Mickey,
14:28the funds are a bit tight at the moment.
14:30You and I are for Wally Trotter.
14:31Oh, we're not.
14:32Yeah, we've heard it all before, Dale.
14:34All right!
14:35All right, you win.
14:37I will be your manager.
14:40I'll get you bookings.
14:41You just see if I don't.
14:43What about instruments, though?
14:44I'll get that as well.
14:45Oh, don't listen to him.
14:47We'll probably end up with a chuck away from some Boy Scouts band.
14:50No, you won't.
14:51All your instruments and equipment will be brand new.
14:54You write down what you want and I'll get it for you.
14:56Because I'm going to make an investment in you lads.
14:59This time next year, we're going to be millionaires.
15:02I can see it now.
15:04The Albert Hall.
15:05Carnegie Hall.
15:06The Hollywood Bowl.
15:07The revolutionary new sound of pop protest.
15:13You don't know any of the bachelor's numbers, do you?
15:17No, all right.
15:18Well, no, it doesn't matter.
15:19No, not important.
15:20Well, you carry on rehearsing.
15:22Because I'm going to put this show on the road.
15:26Well, come on, let's hear you.
15:28Your manager has spoken.
15:32Right.
15:33One.
15:34I'll tell you what.
15:35One.
15:36One.
15:37Two.
15:38Three.
15:39Five.
15:40Mr. Pear.
15:41Fuck me if you heard it.
15:42A million kids done nothing.
15:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
15:50That's what I'm talking about.
15:51I probably won't.
15:52Boy!
15:57Who the way, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
16:08I can see his celebrity music in the head.
16:10Doomlord.
16:11ến間 finance.
16:12THE POWER
16:15onder
16:17He's happy enough.
16:47Right, let's make sure I've got all the details.
16:54Now, the stolen items consist of two guitars, two speakers, and a set of drums.
17:04Here's one of your sticks.
17:07It's a bit oily.
17:09Cheers.
17:11Bud, you renting your kitchen?
17:14Oh, I shouldn't have too much trouble.
17:16We'll just go round all the clubs until we find a rock and roll band with a one-armed drummer.
17:22I need you, don't I? I mean, I really need you.
17:26What's all this sort of stuff doing here, anyway?
17:29Oh, er, we, er, we collect things.
17:40Funny sort of things to collect, don't they?
17:42Yeah, well, er, everyone's got to have a knobby, haven't they?
17:46Don't stop me, don't stop me, don't stop me.
17:48Don't stop me.
17:51Good afternoon, officer. Can I be of any assistance?
17:54They've had it all, Dill. They've had the drums, the guitars, everything.
17:57Now, I locked that door last night, Dill. I swear to you, I locked it.
17:59Yeah, all right, Rodney, all right. Never mind. Not to worry, eh? Not to worry.
18:02What do you mean, not to worry? All our equipment's been nicked.
18:05Yes. Well, that's not quite true.
18:07Er, Rodney, would you like to nip outside and make sure I switch the engine off on the van?
18:12No.
18:15No, well, you see, actually, these items haven't been stolen, officer.
18:19I mean, a van came round earlier this morning and took them back to the shop.
18:22You see, I know the owner of the shop and he let me have them on a, what is called, a sale and return basis.
18:27I see.
18:29Do you enjoy wasting police time, eh?
18:32Oh, John, I didn't know he had them on sale or return, did I?
18:36It's all right, it's all right. No, no, it's my fault. I didn't tell him.
18:39I didn't tell him. I'm sorry if Michael's.
18:41Yeah, about all this other stuff here, eh?
18:43Ah, yeah, excuse me, officer. When I came round just now, I saw a couple of kids trying to remove the front wheels on your panda car.
18:48Hey, what?
18:49Yeah.
18:50I might be back to see you.
18:51I can't wait.
18:52What do you think you're playing at, inviting the bloody old Bill round here?
18:58What am I playing at? You told me you bought that equipment and all the time you had it on sale or return.
19:04You just set us up, didn't you?
19:05No, listen, Rodney, look, we've earned 300 softs, right?
19:10And we didn't actually pay out for any equipment. It's brilliant, isn't it, eh?
19:13Brilliant?
19:14Yeah.
19:15Yeah, we nearly had our head smashed in.
19:17I didn't want to play the Shamrock Club. None of us wanted to play the Shamrock Club.
19:22But we played it, Del, because you said it was our first step on the road to stardom.
19:28And we believed you.
19:30Then you're bigger plonkers than you look.
19:35You didn't honestly believe all that rubbish, did you, that you and them wallies were destined for the Albert Hall, Carnegie Hall?
19:43The only hall you was destined for was Sod Hall, that's where.
19:45As it happens, you've made 150 quid, so think yourself lucky.
19:51Anyway, you can still play with the group, can't you?
19:53No, I can't, actually.
19:55What?
19:56Well, we had a bit of an autistical disagreement, you know.
20:00Look what Mickey tried to do to my ear.
20:02That vicious little git.
20:05Now, I'm going to sort him out.
20:07What was the row about?
20:08Well, they accused you of setting us up, didn't they?
20:10They said you'd only done it for a one-off earner who had to get rid of the suits you'd had in here since 1975.
20:16In a way, some people's minds were.
20:18What do you mean?
20:19They were right.
20:20But I defended you.
20:21I mean, I stood there and I defended you.
20:25And do you know why?
20:27Well, it's because you're my brother and I don't like to hear people rubbish in you, that's why.
20:37Still work, does it?
20:43It's only a pipe dream, Rodney.
20:46At least I had a dream, Del.
20:48It's mine I've got now, innit.
20:50Come on, Rodgers.
20:52I mean, didn't you really think that you were going to go nowhere, did you?
20:55I mean, just take a look at them other three.
20:58They'd got about five and a half brain cells between them and one of them was on the blink, I tell you.
21:05That show business lark.
21:07They're all stoke on Trent, innit?
21:13Watch your old deaf and dumb in that game, Rodney.
21:15Look, why do you always try and stop me in everything I do?
21:25Oh, me?
21:26Yeah, you're always sticking your oar in and messing things up for me.
21:29Sometimes I get the feeling you're scared.
21:31Scared?
21:31Scared?
21:32Scared of what?
21:33Scared of me becoming a success.
21:35I reckon you're terrified that one day I might just make it on my own.
21:38It's like a knife in my heart, that, Rodney.
21:44There is nothing that I would like more than to see you become someone, have a nice capri gear.
21:51I remember what Mum said on her deathbed.
21:59She said to me,
22:01Del, she said,
22:02please give little Rodney all the encouragement that you can.
22:07Never, Del.
22:09Never hold him back.
22:15She'd now sigh a lot on her deathbed.
22:17Whatever the subject is, Mum had something to say about it on her deathbed.
22:25She must have spent her final few hours in this mortal realm doing nothing but rabbiting.
22:31You are walking a bleeding tightrope here, Rodney.
22:34Hang on.
22:35Right, you remember last week we was having a row about whose turn it was to go down a chipper, yeah?
22:39And you claimed that Mum said,
22:41on her deathbed,
22:44send Rodney for the fish.
22:47Yeah, well, I'd had a few, hadn't I?
22:55Listen, look, Rodney, come on, look.
22:57You tried something and it didn't work, eh?
23:00But look,
23:01never mind, look.
23:03You've got 150 beer vouchers.
23:09There, that's it.
23:10That's it.
23:11Come on, now, Rodney.
23:12Come on, cheer up.
23:14Come on, go down to market this afternoon.
23:15Terrific.
23:19Come on, Rodney, listen.
23:21Hey, ain't all bad news, is it, eh?
23:24On the one hand, you've had your hopes and your dreams dashed.
23:29On the other hand, I've got a van load of hooky Maltesers.
23:33Come on, let's go.
23:34Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:38All right, Monk, I'll come straight with you.
23:40Look, I've had these dolls for about a week
23:42and I haven't sold one, right?
23:43So I'll tell you what,
23:44if you'll take a chance, I'll take a loss.
23:46I can't be fairer than that, can I?
23:49Would I lie to you?
23:52All right, see you around, Monk.
23:53Yeah, goodbye.
23:54Oh, shut up.
24:01Come on, Monk, go and get her to keep it.
24:05The new entry of the charts this week
24:07at number 26,
24:09four guys from South London,
24:10this is Boys Will Be Boys
24:12from A Bunch Of Wallets.
24:13Well, maybe old Trig could knock somewhere down a council depot tonight.
24:22Oh, shut up.
24:24Noise.
24:25Think.
24:38I don't believe it.
24:39Boys will be boys.
24:42I don't believe it.
24:45It's that...
24:46It's that Bunch Of Wallets.
24:51What do they think they're doing?
24:52They're on top of the box.
25:01All right?
25:02All right.
25:03You know that old bird that works down the laundromat?
25:06Yeah, yeah.
25:06The one he's after.
25:07Yeah, yeah.
25:08What?
25:10What's wrong?
25:11Mate.
25:12Mate, it's all nothing.
25:13All right, fine.
25:15Want a cigar?
25:16What?
25:17Oh, you don't want that one.
25:18Anyway, get your mother.
25:20Sorry, go on.
25:21You were saying.
25:21What was she saying?
25:24I wound her up, right?
25:25Yeah.
25:25I said that Uncle Albert
25:26wants to take her to the old folks,
25:27but, you know, when Thursday
25:28dropped him right in it.
25:30Did you?
25:30I like it.
25:32I like it.
25:32I like that one.
25:38Are you sure everything's all right?
25:40No, no, it's Tripico.
25:41It's Tripico Rodgers.
25:42No, it couldn't be better, mate.
25:43Oh, right.
25:44Hey, chop of the popsies on.
25:46Yeah, no, no, no.
25:46Well, yeah, but the telly's broke.
25:48It's broke, mate.
25:49Oh.
25:49Yeah.
25:49Oh, watch it on the black and white.
25:50No, that one's broken.
25:51Oh, look.
25:52It's all broken, that, yeah.
25:54Well, it's got to be a fuse in the socket.
25:56It's funny.
25:57I tried all that.
25:57I tried it.
25:58No.
25:59It's all, look.
25:59It's absolute broke.
26:00I've got to get a firm in in the morning.
26:02Yeah.
26:03Absolute nors, isn't it, eh?
26:05Yeah.
26:07Oh, well, I might as well give Albert the good news, eh?
26:09Yeah, go on.
26:09He's going.
26:10He's in his room.
26:11Go on.
26:11Yeah, right.
26:12I'll do it.
26:12Here.
26:13Shh, shh, shh.
26:14Uncle Albert.
26:16Go on.
26:16Hello, son.
26:17You all right?
26:18Oh, you go bloody dipping when he finds out.
26:21Oh, God.
26:22You want to act your age a little bit, you interfering little.
26:25Can't you have a word with him, Del?
26:27He's only come in there to annoy me.
26:30I don't want to go on, no old folks, Beano.
26:32Well, don't go, then.
26:34Don't go.
26:35Listen, I'm off out.
26:36Don't mention it to Rodney.
26:38I doubt if he'd want to go with you anyway.
26:40He's watching Top of the Pops on the portable.
26:42Hey, it's my book.
26:46They're in the charts.
26:53So they're in the charts.
26:55Mark de Fabrique.
26:57As they say.
26:58They could go to number one.
27:01They could have a smash hit on their hands.
27:04All right, so you have a smash hit on your hands.
27:07You might not get another one for the rest of your life.
27:10I always said they could make it,
27:13and you convinced me they couldn't.
27:15That's always been your trouble, Rodney.
27:17You're too easily swayed.
27:19And what about me, eh?
27:20What about me?
27:21I was their manager.
27:26I'm going to stick this right up your jack, sir.
27:28No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
27:57Black or white, rich or broke.
28:00We'll cut prices and a straw.
28:05God bless hooky street.
28:08Viva hooky street.
28:11Long live hooky street.
28:14Say man defiq hooky street.
28:17Man defiq hooky street.
28:22Hooky street.
28:25Hooky street.
28:28Hooky street.
28:29Hooky street.
28:46Way DX.
28:48Hang four.
28:51Help.
28:52Go.
28:52Go ê°€.
28:53Go.
28:53Go.
28:53Go.
28:54Go.
28:54Go.
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