- 1 day ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S02E04 - No Greater Love
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:30Why do only fours and horses work?
00:35I don't like camel hair, Dale.
00:38This is not camel hair.
00:40It's genuine polyestery.
00:43There you are.
00:45Now sit, go and have a look at the mirror.
00:51Handsome, isn't it, eh?
00:52What do you mean handsome?
00:54Look, he's miles-time big for me.
00:56Of course it's not.
00:57That's the fashion, isn't it?
00:59Well, how come yours looks like it's made to measure, then?
01:02Oh, this one, yeah, it's a bit too small for me.
01:04I saved you the best one, Rodney.
01:07Dale, it's horrible.
01:10Well, you can at least wear it for a while.
01:12See if you get used to it.
01:14I mean, it is a gift, Rodney.
01:17I mean, it is a gift.
01:18Oh, you're right, Dale.
01:31Once you've had it on for a while, it really grows on you, doesn't it?
01:34Do you like it, then?
01:36Like it?
01:37I love it.
01:38I mean, it's really, really smart.
01:40You know, cheers.
01:42Oh, glad you like it.
01:44That's the score you owe me.
01:46A score?
01:47You said it was a gift.
01:49Well, it is a gift at 20 Nicker.
01:51Off 280 up Bond Street.
01:53Yeah, but...
01:54All right, don't worry about the money, Rodders.
01:58I'll take it out of your wages.
02:01Well, you said you liked it.
02:03Yeah, I know, but...
02:06Yeah.
02:08Yeah, cheers, Dale.
02:10All right, Rodney, that's what brothers are for.
02:12Now, listen, I want you to pop down and see that Mrs Singh,
02:15because according to the book,
02:16she had a dinner service and two Persian rugs off us last month,
02:19and she ain't paid a penny off them since.
02:21Right.
02:22Right.
02:22And while you're at it,
02:23see if you can get her interested in any of this gear.
02:26Dale, Mrs Singh's a Hindu.
02:28Hindus do not go about in peekaboo bras and nifty knickers.
02:34What are you, some kind of swammy or something?
02:37I don't know what goes on underneath them saris.
02:40Go on.
02:41See you later.
02:50Excuse me.
02:51Oh.
02:51Sorry, can you tell me if Mrs Singh's in at all?
02:54Mrs Singh doesn't live here any more.
02:56She moved away about three weeks ago.
02:57I've taken her flat.
03:00Great.
03:01Did she say where she was moving to?
03:03Bangladesh.
03:03I thought we'd lost her.
03:04I thought we'd lost her.
03:07Can I do anything for you?
03:11Nah, nah, not really.
03:13It's just that Mrs Singh bought a few items off us and she's supposed to pay for them on the weekly.
03:17I see.
03:18What are you, a tally man?
03:20No, no, no, I'm not a tally man.
03:22It's just every so often I managed to get me hands on a few bargains, you know.
03:26Really?
03:27What are you selling today?
03:28Women's clothing.
03:29You know, skirts, blouses, under...
03:31Er, lingerie.
03:34That sort of thing.
03:35Bring them inside.
03:36I might be interested.
03:39Yeah, all right.
03:42Are you coming in or not?
03:43Yeah, okay.
03:44OK.
04:06Bloody hell, he's a bitch, right?
04:15I don't hear you.
04:16No, nothing.
04:20Well?
04:22What do you think?
04:24Hmm?
04:25Terrific.
04:27You don't think this split's too revealing, do you?
04:29No, no, that's just right.
04:32Here, I can't quite reach this zip.
04:34Can you give us a hand?
04:36Er, what time do your husband get home?
04:41He doesn't.
04:43My husband's away.
04:45Oh.
04:48Oh, and do you know I've got a strong grip?
04:51It's all that free school milk they kept giving us.
04:56So you're on your own then?
04:58No.
04:59Oh.
05:00Here's my son, Marcus.
05:02Oh, right.
05:02What, is he asleep in a bedroom?
05:04No, he's down the snooker hall.
05:07He's 16.
05:11I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you been ill recently?
05:15Well, lost a lot of weight?
05:21Oh, this?
05:23No, no, it's, you know, it's fashion.
05:25Is it really?
05:26Well, I'm so out of touch, I seem to spend every hour of the day in this flat.
05:33Well, you don't know many people around this area, then?
05:35No, I only moved here a month ago.
05:37I come from East London, you see.
05:39Must get pretty gutty being in on your own of an evening.
05:43Especially for someone who's used to going out and enjoying herself all the time.
05:47Are there any nice places around here?
05:51Nah.
05:52Oh, there's a dinner and dance place over Stratton Way.
05:56That's supposed to be really good.
05:58I was thinking of giving it a try Saturday night.
06:00Oh, I hope you and your girlfriend enjoy yourselves.
06:03Oh, I haven't got a girlfriend.
06:05Well, what I mean to say is I haven't got a regular one.
06:07Oh, hundreds of casuals, I'll bet.
06:10Yeah, all over the place, yeah.
06:13Thing is, they're all busy Saturday night.
06:16So, you know, I was wondering whether you'd, you know, if you're not too busy, perhaps you'd like...
06:23I expect you are, but if you're not, would you like to come with me?
06:29Thank you very much.
06:30It's just that...
06:31Oh, no, no, it's OK.
06:32You made other arrangements, I understand.
06:34No, I haven't made other arrangements.
06:35You're washing your air?
06:36No.
06:37You're mending your bike?
06:38Oh, I did that last Tuesday.
06:41So what is it, then?
06:43Well, how old are you?
06:46Well, I'm not a kid, if that's what you mean.
06:48I'm 23 and a half.
06:49That's what I mean.
06:50You're 23 and a half, and I'm older than you.
06:54So?
06:55Well, doesn't it bother you?
06:57No.
06:58Does it bother you?
06:59Well, no.
07:00So where's the problem?
07:02There isn't one.
07:03Thank you very much for the invitation.
07:04I'd love to go out with you.
07:05See you Saturday night.
07:07Right, at 8.30, I'll pick you up in a minicab.
07:12Just one thing, you'd better tell me your name.
07:15It's going to get a bit embarrassing if I keep having to call you a thingy all night.
07:19Sorry, yeah.
07:20Rodney.
07:21Irene.
07:21No, Rodney.
07:22Well, I'd better get my suit down to clean this in.
07:35Rodney.
07:37You sure you don't mind?
07:39People might stare.
07:40Let them stare.
07:42Let them stare.
07:42That sort of thing don't bother me, Irene.
07:44I went out with a Chinese girl once.
07:46Of course I missed you today.
07:56Yeah, I missed you yesterday and the day before that.
07:59And the day before that, yeah.
08:02Come on, you know I'm thinking about you all the time.
08:05Oh, yeah.
08:09Really?
08:12Oh.
08:14Oi.
08:15Yeah?
08:16I mean, yeah?
08:18Can I dip my bread in your egg?
08:22Help yourself.
08:23Thanks very much.
08:23Hey?
08:28No, no.
08:28It's my brother.
08:30Oh, yeah.
08:31Yeah, OK.
08:32I'll see you soon.
08:34Of course I do.
08:37I can't.
08:40There's people here.
08:45Yeah, all right.
08:45OK.
08:46See you.
08:47Bye.
08:49Who was that, Rodney?
08:51Oh?
08:52Oh, uh, Mickey Pierce.
08:53Mickey Pierce?
09:04Del, I want your advice.
09:06I've got a bit of a problem.
09:07I don't want to know.
09:07I don't want to know.
09:10I'd rather die in ignorance.
09:13There's never been anything like that in our family.
09:17Here, hang about.
09:18Mickey Pierce is on holiday in France, isn't he?
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:22Well, it wasn't him, actually.
09:24It was a girl.
09:28Don't you ever do that to me again, Rodney.
09:31You should be up all night with heartburn.
09:32So you've got a bird, have you?
09:35Oh, well, that explains it.
09:37Explains what?
09:38It explains why you've been lolliping about so much for the last week or so.
09:42You're going to pull your socks up, my son.
09:43It's beginning to affect business.
09:44How can it affect business?
09:46Well, I'll tell you, shall I?
09:47Look.
09:48A tiny head called Irene McKay, right?
09:51She's had 17 quids worth of clothes off you, and you're letting her pay you back at 25 pence a week, right?
09:57That means you've got to go around there every week for a year.
09:59Yeah, I know.
10:07I get it.
10:09Rodney's got a mystery.
10:12Irene's not a mystery.
10:14We've just been seeing a lot of each other, and, well, we've come quite close.
10:19Promise me you won't laugh.
10:22No, of course I won't.
10:24I think I'm in love.
10:28Oh, do us a favour, Rodney.
10:31Only a month ago, he was in love with that skinny bird from the dry cleaners.
10:36Now along comes another little girl, and you're away again.
10:39Marguerite from the dry cleaners was just an infatuation.
10:43This is the real thing.
10:45And Irene is not a little girl.
10:46She happens to be a woman.
10:47Oh, a woman, eh?
10:50He's fallen in love with somebody who's got the vote this time.
10:54How old is she, 20?
10:56No, she's about 30.
11:00What do you mean, about 30?
11:02How old is she exactly?
11:0314.
11:0540?
11:0740?
11:07You're not being serious, are you?
11:12What's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
11:15Nothing.
11:15Nothing at all, if you happen to be 50.
11:20Right, she's even too old for me.
11:23Well, I'd have to think twice.
11:27Shut up, Branky.
11:29No, he's right, Rodney.
11:30He's right.
11:31I mean, when she was drinking frothy coffee with some Ted up the Lyceum,
11:34you were struggling to keep your grape water down.
11:37Oh, no, bruv.
11:38This is one problem you're going to have to solve on your own.
11:41That's not the problem.
11:43Well, something else is there?
11:44Yeah, her husband.
11:47She's not married at all, is she?
11:49Oh, no, he don't live with her.
11:51He's away.
11:52Where?
11:53Parkhurst.
11:53I don't believe you.
11:57I don't believe you.
11:59You're not going, you're not going queso with a wife of a convict, are you?
12:04You don't half jump the conclusions, don't you?
12:06I mean, just because he's in Parkhurst don't automatically mean he's a convict.
12:10I mean, he could be a warder or even a governor.
12:13And is he?
12:16Is he what?
12:17Well, the warder or the governor.
12:19Well, no, he's a convict, but you weren't sure.
12:23What's he in there for, Rodney?
12:26Oh, you know, this and that.
12:27Yeah, come on, like what?
12:29Well, like wounding with intent, GBH and attempted murder.
12:34He's got a little bit of a temper, has he?
12:37But this is why Irene's had such an unhappy life with him.
12:41He used to beat her up, Del.
12:43She's moved over this way from the East End to get away from him.
12:45Hang on a minute, hang on a minute.
12:47What do you mean, get away from him?
12:48He's on the Isle of Bloody White, Rodney.
12:50Yeah, I know that, but he's been released soon.
12:53That's the problem.
12:54Look, when he comes out, do you think I should go and see him
12:58and tell him about me and Irene, man to man?
13:06Well, let me put it this way.
13:09You know, one day, if you're really fed up
13:11with having knees in the middle of your legs,
13:13you know, you go and see him.
13:17On the other hand, if you've grown quite attached to him,
13:19emigrate to Vietnam.
13:22You stupid little plonker, Rodney.
13:24What do you think this is, Jackanory?
13:26This bloke's a killer.
13:29Well, he only got done for attempted murder.
13:32Oh, did he?
13:33Well, maybe that was just a bit of practice, eh?
13:36His first big success is going to come with Rodney.
13:39Yeah, just like the rest of modern society, aren't you?
13:42Frightened.
13:43What, me?
13:44Frightened are them nutters out there in the shadows?
13:46Yes.
13:48Hell yeah, they frighten me, Rodney.
13:51Yeah, well, I've got a life to live, right?
13:52And I'm not going to have some mindless little thug
13:54like her old man Tommy McKay
13:56telling me what I can do and what I can't do.
13:59It's one battle I'm going to have to win, innit?
14:01All right.
14:02All right, go on.
14:03You go and do that then, Popeye.
14:05What are you going to do?
14:05Carry a couple of tins of spinach around with you?
14:07Listen, you wanted my advice, right?
14:11Well, here it is.
14:12Steer clear of Irene McKay.
14:15Otherwise, sleep with one eye open.
14:17All right?
14:18Yeah, well, I'll think about it, Dale.
14:20I'll see you both later.
14:21I'm going round Irene's.
14:22Yeah, go on then.
14:23Go on.
14:23You go round there.
14:24Off you go on your bike.
14:25I wouldn't bother to put that on
14:27because when we come to pay our last respects to you,
14:29you'll be wearing a concrete overgo.
14:32You'll be helping to support a flyover on the M26.
14:37What are you going to do, Dale, boy?
14:43Nothing.
14:45I mean, you know what he's like with birds, don't you?
14:47Falls in and out of love more times than starts getting hutch.
14:51Anyway, they always give him the elbow after a fortnight.
14:54But in case she don't.
14:56Got to put his name down for Booper.
15:07Good morning, my little potpourri.
15:24Good morning.
15:25Give us Tia Maria and pineapple juice.
15:27And give us half a lager for lover boy, will you?
15:30He's on scotch and that's his fourth.
15:32Is it?
15:33All right, give him one more and that's his lot.
15:35Right.
15:37All right, Rodgers?
15:39Here, done well today.
15:40I knocked out all of them Georgian digital clocks.
15:43Yeah?
15:44Yeah.
15:49Leave that there, right?
15:50Don't sit on it.
15:53What's the matter with you?
15:55Nothing.
15:56Now, come on, don't give us that.
15:57What's the matter now?
15:58It's Irene.
16:01Oh, don't tell me.
16:02They've turned down her free bus pass.
16:06She's finished with me.
16:09Oh.
16:10Oh, well.
16:11All's well that ends well, I suppose.
16:13What do you mean, all's well that ends well?
16:15It hasn't ended well for me, has it?
16:16Oh, now, come on, Rodney.
16:19Come on, you've had a good time, haven't you?
16:21You know, a few drinks, a bit of the old Humpty Dumpty.
16:23And that's finished, isn't it, eh?
16:25You're a pig, aren't you?
16:28That is the pinnacle of your aesthetic appreciation, isn't it?
16:31A few drinks and a bit of Humpty Dumpty.
16:35Yeah.
16:36No, I was just trying to put it in perspective, that's all.
16:38I mean, you didn't honestly think that anything was going to come of it, did you?
16:41I loved her, Dill.
16:46Now, come on, Rodney.
16:49Believe me, bruv, it's...
16:52You know, it's all for the best in the end.
16:53I mean, I know exactly what would have happened.
16:58You know, one day you would have gone down that Rolo disco and met some blinding 18-year-old
17:02sort who would have knocked your eyes out.
17:05And she would have fell head over heels for you, wouldn't she?
17:09Well...
17:10Yeah.
17:11And then you'd have to go and break the news to Irene.
17:16How do you think a 40-year-old woman would feel knowing that she's lost in love to a younger woman?
17:21She wouldn't be just losing any man.
17:27She'd be losing you.
17:32I never thought of it like that.
17:35That scar would never heal.
17:39No.
17:40Oh, poor chick.
17:43Exactly.
17:45It's que sera, sera, as the French say.
17:48Anyway, our old man was released yesterday, so it saved you from all that, didn't it?
17:54Yeah, you're right.
17:56Look, I'm sorry if I've been a bit of a pain lately.
17:58No, of course you ain't, no.
18:00Oh, do leave off.
18:01Look at me, I've been acting like a right wally.
18:03Oi, no, I don't want you talking like that, Rodney.
18:06Emotions that you've been experiencing are the things that separate you from...
18:10Well, from those morons.
18:16It's all right.
18:17It just shows that you're a human being in the fullest sense of the word.
18:22It proves you've got a heart, Rodney.
18:25And them feelings deserve respect, dignity.
18:30Don't feel ashamed of them.
18:33You feel proud of them.
18:37Yeah.
18:38Let's see.
18:39Cheers, Dad.
18:40It's all right.
18:42I'll get our drinks, eh?
18:43Yeah.
18:44Right.
18:44What's up with him?
18:47Oh, some old tart's giving him the sack.
18:52You know what he's like, don't you?
18:54Here you are.
18:55If you're looking for answers, you won't find any in the bottom of the glass.
18:58No, I just fancied a drink.
18:59It's all right.
19:00It's all right.
19:01Just, you know, you just lay off the bottle, all right?
19:04Right, cheers then, anyway.
19:05Cheers.
19:05Good luck.
19:09Hello, Rodney.
19:10Oh, hello, Marcus.
19:11This is Irene's son.
19:12This is my brother.
19:14All right, though?
19:14Yeah.
19:15Hello, son.
19:19Smart-looking kid, isn't he, eh?
19:20I reckon he can pick up BBC Two on that air.
19:29BBC Two on his air.
19:35Oh, God, what's the matter with you now?
19:38Eh?
19:38No, nothing.
19:39But how did you know Irene's husband was released yesterday?
19:44Eh?
19:44Well, yeah.
19:45You must have said.
19:47Did I?
19:47Yeah.
19:48But I didn't know.
19:50You must have said.
19:51I mean, how else would I know?
19:53I suppose I must have.
19:54Yeah.
19:55Yeah, well, come on, come on.
19:56Let's get going.
19:57Drink up, eh?
19:59See if we can do a bit of sartan, then.
20:02Yeah, all right.
20:04How did Marcus know your name?
20:08You introduced us, didn't you, eh?
20:10No, I just said you was my brother.
20:12I didn't say your name.
20:13Oh, well, he must have heard it before somewhere, mustn't he?
20:15He's never met you before.
20:19Well, he must have seen my D.
20:20Look, I'm wearing a big D, aren't I, eh?
20:21It's obvious my name's Del, isn't it?
20:24That could stand for David, Daniel, Douglas.
20:29He's wearing one of your coats.
20:31I know that.
20:32We're all wearing them, aren't we, eh?
20:33Look, it's a fashion, isn't it, eh?
20:35Come on, come on, let's go.
20:37Oi, Marcus, how did you know his name?
20:40I met him on Thursday when he took Mum out for a drink.
20:49You took Irene out?
20:54Now, look, Rodney, and that's not what you think.
20:57I just wanted to talk to her about you.
21:00Me?
21:01What did you tell her about me?
21:02I didn't tell her anything about you.
21:04I was...
21:04I just...
21:05I just told her a few home truths, that's all.
21:09I just...
21:10I just said, you know, if she thought anything of you...
21:13she ought to leave you alone.
21:18Thanks, Del.
21:20Where would I be without you, eh?
21:22Happy, maybe.
21:23Come here, Rodney.
21:24Now, Rodney, just a minute.
21:25Look, I did it for you.
21:27I mean, what do you want to do, end up dead?
21:29No, but it's nice to have a choice, isn't it?
21:31One of these days, Del.
21:33Just one of these days.
21:34Rodney, cut.
21:35Rodney, I did it for you.
21:54That's the thanks I get.
21:59Oh, yes.
22:03It was made for you, Ahmed, my son.
22:06It's too big, man.
22:07No, no.
22:08No, it isn't.
22:09No, that...
22:09Oh, that's beautiful.
22:15If yours isn't too big.
22:17Ah, but this is small on me.
22:19Anyway, I reserved the best one for you, Ahmed, my son.
22:22Oh, come on, a 25-nicker.
22:23You can't go wrong, can you, eh?
22:25All right, man, I'll take it.
22:26That's it.
22:27You know it makes sense.
22:28Now, do you want to pay now, or do you want it on the old...
22:31I'll pay you £2 a week, Del.
22:33All right.
22:33I'll see you next week.
22:34All right.
22:35You won't catch cold in there.
22:36Hey, what's your game?
22:48Take it easy, man.
22:50You might hurt yourself.
22:52Hey.
22:52There's someone here who's been dying to meet you.
22:54Oh, yeah?
22:55Who's that, then?
22:57Me.
22:58McKay's the name.
23:00Tommy McKay.
23:02Ring a bell, does it?
23:03Yeah, I think I've heard of it before.
23:08You bet your life you've heard it before, sunshine.
23:12You've been seeing that with my wife, trotter.
23:15Guilty or not guilty?
23:16Oh, I was only just having a friendly drink.
23:19But I'm not a friendly geezer.
23:21And that kind of thing makes me very angry.
23:25I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll remember for the rest of your life, Rodney, my old son.
23:29Now, listen, let's not be hasty, eh?
23:33Rodney?
23:35Did you say Rodney?
23:37Yeah, that's right.
23:38Rodney Trotter, that's you, innit?
23:47Yeah.
23:48Yeah, I'm Rodney Trotter, yeah.
23:51Good.
23:52Okay, Leroy, give him some here.
23:54Yeah.
23:54Yeah.
23:59Oh, look what you made me do.
24:13That was a brand new coat, that was.
24:15Oh, look.
24:27Oh, check.
24:29Hold.
24:30Down.
24:30Ah.
24:31Oh, look.
24:32Oh, look.
24:32Oh, look, I'm sorry.
24:37Oh, look.
24:39Oh, look.
24:42Oh, look, I'm sorry.
24:43Oh, my God.
25:13Brothers, guess what I've done for you, brothers?
25:24Well, if it's another example of your so-called brotherly love, you just forget it, right?
25:29As far as I'm concerned, Dil, you're no longer my...
25:32What the bloody hell's that to you?
25:35It's all right, it's all right.
25:37No, I just, you know, I just walked into a door.
25:40You did all that?
25:43Yeah, well, it was a revolving door.
25:48Listen to this, I had a bit of luck tonight.
25:53I bumped into Tommy McKay.
25:55That was lucky, wasn't it, eh?
25:57Did he do that, Dil?
25:59No, no, no, no, he didn't do it.
26:00No, no, no, no.
26:01It's just, you know, I had one too many, like, you know, and I fell down the stairs at Monkey Harris's house.
26:06He lives in a bungalow.
26:08Yeah, well, he's moved now, hasn't he, eh?
26:09He's moved.
26:10Just shut up and listen, will you?
26:13Well, I had a chat with Tommy McKay tonight, you see, and, um...
26:16I've managed to do what all the psychiatrists and social workers have failed to do.
26:21I've rehabilitated him.
26:24He's seen the error of his ways.
26:26You know, I'll give you no more problems.
26:28I've left the path clear for you and Irene.
26:31Me and Irene?
26:32Yeah.
26:32Oh, that's all over, Dil.
26:40What?
26:41Well, we both had a long chat about it and we decided it was never going to work.
26:48Yes, it will.
26:48It will work.
26:51You know, I've got a box of black magic in the back of the van.
26:54I've only had one out of it.
26:56Go on, you can't whip it round to her now.
26:58Go on.
26:58No, it's no good, Dil.
26:59I mean, it was just circumstances that threw us together, weren't it?
27:03She was lonely in a strange part of town and, well, I was just looking for a mother figure,
27:08I suppose.
27:10Anyway, you was right, Dil.
27:12No, no, no, no, I wasn't.
27:13I wasn't.
27:15I don't mean about me and Irene.
27:17What do you mean, then?
27:18Well, this afternoon I went down to roller disco and I met this bird, Zoe.
27:23Zoe?
27:2418, she is.
27:27With a body that makes Bo Derek look a suit for plastic surgery.
27:33Now, Irene was just infatuation, but this is love.
27:37Oi, here she is now.
27:41All right, babe?
27:42This is Zoe.
27:43This is my brother.
27:44He fell down some stairs.
27:46Nice to meet you.
27:47Yeah.
27:47Are we going, then?
27:52Yeah, yeah, right.
27:53I'll see you later on, Dil, all right.
27:54Oi, you can finish that if you want it.
27:56Yeah.
27:57See you, brothers.
27:58See you, Zoe.
27:59Oi, Dil.
28:00Huh?
28:01I'd have that head looked at if I was show.
28:04It's the truest bloody words you spoke for ages, wasn't it?
28:15What happened to you?
28:16Me?
28:17No, no, nothing happened to me.
28:20Rodney got a bloody good eye, didn't know.
28:22LAUGHTER
28:23APPLAUSE
28:24No income tax, no VAT, no money back, no guarantee.
28:50Black or white, rich or poor, with tough prices and a stroke.
28:59Darkless hooky street, fever hooky street, long-lived hooky street.
29:07We'll say, man, did be hooky street.
29:10We'll say, man, did be hooky street.
29:14APPLAUSE
29:15Hooky street.
29:18Hooky street.
29:20APPLAUSE
29:21Hooky street.
29:29The
29:43Youth
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