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  • 2 days ago
McHale and his crew are forced to deal with Admiral's son, Bruce Hanson, a spoiled and rule-following brat who is stuck on their island after his plane crashes. The young man causes trouble by reporting every perceived infraction to his father, so McHale decides to "straighten him out" with some "Navy discipline" of his own.
Transcript
00:00How's it drippin', Tink?
00:07Beautiful, beautiful.
00:10Any trouble with the valves, Will?
00:11No, we got it, Groob.
00:12Smooth.
00:14Let's see that finished product, huh?
00:16Hey, Groob!
00:18Can't you keep that still quiet?
00:19You'll have the skipper on our backs for sure.
00:21Why the panic?
00:22He knows we make the stuff all the time.
00:24Yeah, only this time we don't know how much we're making
00:25and who we're making it for.
00:26Hey, Groob.
00:27What is it?
00:27Give me one of those breathless bourbon labels.
00:29You're kidding.
00:31Those Marines ordered scotch.
00:33The master works.
00:35Dash of iodine for taste.
00:38Another dash for age.
00:39Presto, scotch.
00:44Whatever it is, these guys are sure in a hurry to pick it up.
00:48Ah, they're coming in by boat.
00:49They're not doing until the night.
00:54Hey, those engines are sick.
00:56It sounds like he's trying to make a forced landing at the main base.
01:00Hey, Groob.
01:01Yes, Cap?
01:02Hey, you got another bottle of that jungle juice?
01:05Coming right up.
01:13Here you are, sir.
01:14Compliments of your friendly neighborhood bootlegger.
01:16I have set for ice on Little Chaser.
01:18Are you kidding?
01:19You don't think I drink this stuff, do you?
01:20Hey, Art Fooj, your hair tonic.
01:24And give me about three fingers worth.
01:26That's all.
01:28Okay, girls.
01:28Let's see if I know.
01:29Let's see if I know.
01:51Isn't that a beautiful sight, Carpenter?
02:16That transport coming in on one engine like that.
02:19I hope Admiral Hanson's son is all right, sir.
02:21Of course he's all right.
02:23Tell you, the gods of war are smiling on us today.
02:26If the Admiral hadn't decided to evacuate his boy from Australia back to the States,
02:31and if that plane hadn't been forced down here, huh?
02:36Oh, Carpenter, we've been tapped by the fickle finger.
02:39Oh, yes, sir.
02:40What finger was that, sir?
02:42Fate, you numbskull.
02:44Oh, best.
02:45When the Admiral finds out that it was my airstrip and my island
02:49that saved his boy from being barracuda bait,
02:52well, could lead to anything, huh?
02:54Maybe even a job on the Admiral's staff.
02:57Well, well, well, Brucey boy, so nice to have you drop in on us like this.
03:17I'm Captain Binghamton.
03:18This is my aide, Lieutenant.
03:19Play the chatter, Binghamton.
03:21What?
03:22I thought this base was supposed to be at combat readiness.
03:26Oh, combat readiness.
03:27Oh, well, we are.
03:28We, uh...
03:29Then why wasn't our plane challenged when we made our approach?
03:32And why aren't you wearing sidearms?
03:35Oh, sidearms.
03:36Well, I'll tell you, Sonny, the reason that I...
03:39Carpenter, why aren't we wearing sidearms?
03:42Don't blame him, Binghamton.
03:44No.
03:45My father won't know where to place the responsibility.
03:47Yeah, his father will, uh...
03:49I'll bet this jeep hasn't been washed in a week.
03:52Oh, okay.
03:53You have to make a note of the license and serial number.
03:55Yeah, you make a...
03:57Say, he's, uh...
03:59He's an interesting little tyke, isn't he?
04:01He's just my sense of humor.
04:03He keeps...
04:03Yes, sir, the court-martial should be hilarious.
04:06Yes.
04:07The court-martial?
04:08Whose court-martial?
04:10Yours, sir.
04:11I hate to tell you, sir,
04:13but that little black book has torpedoed more naval officers
04:15than the entire Japanese fleet.
04:18Oh, come off that lieutenant.
04:19What could that half-pint possibly do to me?
04:22Well, I don't know, sir.
04:25Uh, but the last reserve officer that tried to laugh him off
04:28got a new assignment in the Aleutians.
04:30A one-man weather station in an igloo.
04:39I tell you, Carpenter,
04:40you could not possibly have seen the Admiral's son in the galley.
04:43Just ten minutes ago, I personally saw him in the motor pool.
04:46But he moves awfully fast, sir.
04:47Don't panic.
04:48That's the important thing.
04:49Don't panic.
04:50After all, he's just a normal, inquisitive little boy.
04:52Not according to what that pilot said, sir.
04:54And, Captain, I'm allergic to igloos.
04:57Oh, I'm surprised at you, Carpenter.
04:59No officer worth his salt
05:01would let that little junior G-man push him around.
05:03Now, you listen to me.
05:04Admiral's son or no Admiral's son,
05:06if he gets his nose so much as one inch out of line,
05:09I'm going to...
05:10Oh, Brucey.
05:12So nice of you to drop in, you know, Brucey.
05:15This isn't a social call, Captain.
05:17Oh.
05:17I just dropped in to borrow a pencil.
05:20Mine's worn out.
05:20The pencil's worn out.
05:21Not very security-minded on Territube, are you, Captain?
05:27I noticed you've neglected to install blackout curtains
05:30in the crew's laundry.
05:33Blackout curtains in the crew's laundry?
05:36Now, you listen to me,
05:37you little bunch of blackout curtains in the crew's laundry.
05:39If you don't,
05:41I'm sure the next commanding officer will.
05:46The next commanding, he'll do it.
05:48Captain Binghamton,
05:49I'm afraid my father goes strictly by the book.
05:51Captain Binghamton,
06:05I'm finding out strictly by the book.
06:07I'd give ten years of my life to use that book
06:09against the seat of his pants.
06:11If you do, sir, could I watch?
06:12Oh, shut up.
06:12It's a grown-up him, that's all you are.
06:15How long is it going to take to fix that plane?
06:17It'll take about four days to fly into replacement parts.
06:19Oh, four days.
06:20He'll have enough notes
06:21to fill an encyclopedia by then.
06:23Look at that, chapter three, right up there.
06:26You'd think if it hadn't been for your airstrip, sir,
06:28he could have been barracuda bait.
06:30I wouldn't wish him on a poor defenseless barracuda.
06:33I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy.
06:37Come to take a little, I wouldn't I?
06:41Well done, oh, loyal and noble friend.
06:44Okay, guys, let's stash the happy water
06:46before the skipper spots us.
06:47Forward, up, up.
06:49Three, three, four, up.
06:51Three, three, four, up.
06:53Over here, arch.
06:56Three, four, up.
06:58Three, three, four, up.
07:00Hey, Cal, halt.
07:06Okay, you weight balls.
07:10What do you guys think you're doing?
07:12Nothing, skipper, just brushing up
07:13on a little close order drill.
07:14That'll be the day.
07:15Hey, you guys got enough jungle juice here to float a cruiser.
07:23Come on, Groob, what's the bit?
07:25Well, uh, would it do any good to say?
07:28We were gonna let it sit in age?
07:29Well, Skip, there's no use trying to con you.
07:35We got a couple of boatloads of Marines
07:36coming to pick up this stuff
07:37right after sundown.
07:40If that wouldn't frost your bilges,
07:44you guys lost your marbles.
07:45You could be hung for a stunt like that.
07:47Yeah.
07:48Well, no, they couldn't, Skip.
07:49Why, our Navy is outlawed hanging ever since 1812.
07:52No, it was 1712.
07:53No, wait, it was the British Navy.
07:54All right, all right, Chuck.
07:55Look, it's too dangerous.
07:56I'm not gonna let you do it.
07:57It'd be more risky if we don't.
07:59Those gyrenes paid cash in advance for this hooch.
08:02Skip, if we don't deliver,
08:03they'll feed us to the sharks.
08:04Hey, skipper!
08:06Hey!
08:06Condition red!
08:07Captain Biggerton's gig is approaching!
08:09All right, all right, all right, hold it.
08:12Now, wait a minute.
08:13Look, get rid of that still.
08:14Stash this stuff I don't care where.
08:16Fuji, head for the hills.
08:17Chuck, you come with me.
08:19We'll stall him as long as we can.
08:20What are you standing around for?
08:22Get going!
08:23Get a load of that.
08:33He's got a kid with him.
08:34Yeah, maybe it's a new incident.
08:35Taking him awful young nowadays, Skip.
08:37What?
08:43Hello there, Captain.
08:44Good to see you again.
08:45Oh, thank you.
08:46The pleasure's mutual, Mikhail.
08:47And we have a little visitor here.
08:49Oh, Brucey, may I present Commander Mikhail, Assistant Parker.
08:53This is Admiral Hanson's son, Bruce.
08:55Oh!
08:56Admiral, well, how are you, son?
08:58Sir, sir, son.
08:59Well, any son of the Admiral's is a sir of ours.
09:01Hi, Bruce.
09:02Welcome aboard.
09:07Aren't you out of uniform, Commander?
09:10I have to make a note of that for my father.
09:11Oh, yes.
09:12Here, allow me.
09:14Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:15Oh, Bruce's plane was forced down here, emergency landing.
09:18You see, while they're fixing it, I thought I'd take him on a little sightseeing tour.
09:22Especially the sights that might interest his father.
09:25Oh.
09:26Gentlemen.
09:30Would you say those are rust spots on the depth charge racks?
09:33Ah, yes, gentlemen.
09:35Would you say that?
09:35Oh, oh, no, sir, Captain Bainer.
09:37Why, those are grease stains.
09:38The rust spots are up on the torpedo tubes.
09:42Bob, get those painted.
09:43Somebody paint those.
09:44Yes, you have somebody do that, Parker.
09:46In the meantime, Brucey, shall you and I run along?
09:48I don't think there's anything worth seeing here.
09:52If you don't mind, Captain, this place looks very interesting.
09:56As a matter of fact, I think I may even spend the night.
10:00Oh, spend the night.
10:01You think you might spend the night?
10:02That's probably out of the question, isn't it, McHale?
10:05Oh, yes, sir.
10:06Yes, sir.
10:07Completely out there.
10:08We have no guest facilities here, sir.
10:11What's wrong with that?
10:12Huh?
10:14Well, that's my hut.
10:16You can send my things over in the gig as soon as you get back.
10:19That won't be necessary, Taylor.
10:21There you are, my boy.
10:22That's a little example of terror to proficiency.
10:24We're ready for an emergency at all times on this page.
10:26And then, take the Admiral's son to his quarters.
10:28Step lively, boy.
10:29Step lively.
10:30Come on, Sonny.
10:31Sonny, sir.
10:32No, wait a minute.
10:36Now, we're running a PT base here.
10:38Not a PTA.
10:40Ta-ta, McHale.
10:41Have fun.
10:42And then, if our little friend runs out of pencils, I'll send over a fresh supply in the
10:46morning.
10:47Taylor.
10:49Ta-ta.
10:49Okay, Skipper.
10:54All booze hidden and accounted for.
10:56Hey, who's that kid, Skip?
10:57If you're referring to that pint-sized shickle grouper, the captain planted him here as a stool pigeon.
11:02You're kidding.
11:03Who'd listen to a little squirt like that?
11:05His father, who just happens to be Admiral Hanson.
11:08The area commander?
11:09Find time for him to show up.
11:10Well, we gotta get rid of him, Skip.
11:12Those gyrenes will be here at sundown.
11:14It won't be that easy.
11:15He already took over my hut for the night.
11:17Well, at least he'll be out of the way for your hut.
11:19But, Skip, he can't go in there.
11:20That's where we hit the hooch.
11:22What?
11:23Oh, no!
11:25Well, I suppose you want to put your stuff over here in the closet.
11:33Probably the drawer would be.
11:37Well, let's put your stuff over here in your bunk.
11:41This will be yours.
11:42You can just kind of...
11:43What was that?
11:46What was what?
11:47I didn't hear any bottles.
11:47Speaking of bottles,
11:51how about just going over to the main base
11:53and having a sody poppy, isn't he?
11:55I'm not thirsty.
11:57Then how about hopping over to the base theater
11:58and taking in a movie?
12:00I hate movies.
12:02But it's a western.
12:02A real good one.
12:03This time, the Indians win.
12:05I'd like to see that myself.
12:08You didn't seem to be in an awful hurry to get rid of me.
12:11Only it won't work.
12:13I don't know what you're trying to hide around here.
12:15But whatever it is,
12:17I'll find it.
12:22Let me follow him.
12:23Well, do I have to...
12:24Follow him, will you?
12:26I wonder if there's any regulations
12:28against strangling an admiral's son.
12:31Skip us on.
12:32Skip us on.
12:33Oh.
12:34Coast clear?
12:35No, no, no.
12:36That little monster's a son of an admiral.
12:38You can say that again.
12:39Yeah.
12:39You stay back there in the jungle
12:41and we'll give you the word
12:42when the coast is clear.
12:44Back in jungle.
12:45They show one lousy way
12:46to leap up to Geneva Convention.
12:48All right, sir.
12:48Write your congressman.
12:51Well, there we are.
12:52Right behind the eight ball.
12:54I mean a hundred proof eight ball.
12:57Oh, hey, those chimneys
12:58are getting closer every minute.
12:59We got to get rid of that brat
13:00before they show up.
13:01Why don't we invite him
13:02for a little swim in the lagoon?
13:03It's crawling with crocodiles.
13:05Ah, the crocodiles
13:06only throw him back.
13:07Now, I got a better idea.
13:09Why don't we invite
13:09one of them native head shrinkers over?
13:11Instead of having him
13:12just shrink the kid's head,
13:13we'll have him shrink
13:13the whole kid.
13:14Hey, yeah.
13:15Then we can mail him home to his dad.
13:17Put a stamp on him.
13:17Hey, hey, hey, hey.
13:19You just cued me
13:19onto something there, Groob.
13:21Gather around here,
13:22you head shrinkers.
13:24What's all that noise?
13:36Why, the natives seem restless.
13:39Oh, come on, Commander.
13:41This is a naval base.
13:43Oh, true, true.
13:44But those Polynesian boys
13:45are pretty hot-tempered fellows.
13:46They never could forgive us
13:47for taking over their island.
13:52Tarry-hattie battlespear.
13:53Yeah, yeah.
13:55Oh, dear.
13:59They're heading for the hills.
14:01Cut them off with the pass, man.
14:03Come on, boy.
14:04Let's get out of here.
14:06Oh, dear.
14:07Oh.
14:08A native skipper
14:09decorated in war paint.
14:11Hey, high-tail it that-a-way.
14:12Which-a-way?
14:12That-a-way.
14:15A winged one of them.
14:16He dropped this.
14:16Oh, not in front of the boy, Skip.
14:19It's an awful sight.
14:20He's right, sir.
14:21Spare the child.
14:22What's so terrible
14:23about a set of dog tags?
14:26Oh.
14:31Why, it's Lieutenant Commander Irving.
14:34Holy cow,
14:34and all the time
14:35we thought he was AWOL.
14:36Oh, what a way to go.
14:38You heartless savages!
14:40Yeah, you're no good-
14:42Come on, man!
14:43Come on!
14:45Boy, this is worse than I thought.
14:47The natives are rising in here.
14:49It could mean total war.
14:50Sounds like thousands of them, sir.
14:52Sounds like they're going to attack.
14:55Mr. Parker,
14:56prepare to defend the island.
14:58Man the batteries.
15:00Why,
15:01evacuate
15:02all civilians
15:03from the island, yes?
15:04All right, Skip.
15:06Prepare to defend the island.
15:07Man all batteries.
15:09Evacuate all civilians.
15:12Gee, I love that kind of talk.
15:17Now, Cooper,
15:17see that the Admiral Sun
15:19gets back to Tower Trooper?
15:20Yes, sir.
15:21Come on.
15:21You don't know how lucky you want
15:22at the gig happened, but...
15:23Come on, kid.
15:24Gig is waiting.
15:25Skip us out!
15:26Skip us out!
15:26Oh, skip us out!
15:28Skip us out!
15:29Oh, no!
15:31Oh, skip us out!
15:32Ladies and Mrs. Rises,
15:33they'll whoop us!
15:36Not so fast!
15:40I want to have a closer look at this.
15:43Uh, the native.
15:44Native.
15:45He's a native who works for us.
15:46Yes.
15:47He looks Japanese to me.
15:49Well, uh,
15:50that's because he's in disguise.
15:52Is that right, uh,
15:53Lotus Blossom?
15:54Uh-huh.
15:54B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b
16:24All right, Lotus Blossom, let's get back to your village. Come on, let's go. Come on, you guys, let's go.
16:29Here, you get your tail on that gigging and get back to Tarotupa.
16:32But I...
16:32Don't butt me. Get back there. Go on.
16:34All right, you guys, come on, get the lead out, get your gear. Let's go.
16:41Sailor, see if this boy gets back to the main base.
16:43Right.
16:44Goodbye, young Admiral, sir.
16:49Hey, kid, that's the wrong boat.
16:51Shove off, Swabby.
16:52Are you kidding? He said this.
16:53Sailor, who would you rather have pressed charges?
16:56A crummy ensign or an admiral's son?
17:00Shove off!
17:15Bring her left, Christy. We'll make another sweep.
17:18Bring her left, Skip.
17:20Sonar contact, Skipper.
17:22Bearing 274. Range, 30-00.
17:28Thanks, Willie. I'll see you.
17:30All right, steady as you go.
17:32All herds, Joe, quarters.
17:34Prepare to fire depth charges.
17:36Range, 25-00.
17:40Oh, no!
17:42Let me go!
17:43I'm going here!
17:44Skipper, you have to be in on everything.
17:47I rank charges for 30 feet.
17:49Skipper, wait!
17:52We got us a little visitor.
17:54Oh, boy.
17:55What enough places is this?
17:57Just looking for a little action, Commander.
17:59Where's the sub?
18:00This ain't the living end.
18:04Chuck, take him down below.
18:05See that he stays there.
18:06Oh, Skip, the sub, my medal.
18:09We can't go charging a sub with a kid aboard.
18:12Christy, come around to your left and let's go home.
18:14You can't do this, McHale.
18:16Coward is in the face of the enemy.
18:18That's a court-martial offense.
18:20Chuck, take him down below before he gets hurt.
18:23Aye, aye, Skip.
18:24Come on, little, uh, sir.
18:26You're going straight to the Navy, McHale.
18:28My father will have you in irons.
18:30You're a...
18:31Come on, you're a...
18:32Let me go.
18:35All right, now, look, you...
18:37Get in there and don't argue with me.
18:44And stay there.
18:53Well, you see, Admiral Hanson, with the 73 on a tail,
19:03that nip sub just might as well call it a war.
19:06You want to try it, sir?
19:08All right, all right.
19:10Look, Binghamton, I flew in here to get my son.
19:13Oh, well, I keep telling you, Admiral Hanson,
19:14your son is perfectly safe.
19:16He's over on McHale's Island.
19:17This is PT-73 to Territupa Control.
19:20Hello?
19:20Hello, Territupa Control.
19:22Now, who's that on the horn?
19:23Who, who, who?
19:24I don't know, sir.
19:24I don't know.
19:25If I didn't know better, I'd swear it was my son.
19:29Patrol, McHale won't fight.
19:31He's running from the enemy.
19:33Tell Captain Binghamton.
19:34Tell the Pentagon.
19:35Tell my father.
19:37It is, Bruce.
19:38On the 73 in combat.
19:41Binghamton, you had better have a good explanation for this.
19:45Yes, sir, I'd better have a good explanation for this.
19:48Is that your idea of safe and sound?
19:51Is it?
19:51Speak up, man.
19:52Speak up.
19:53Yes, sir.
19:54I, I, I, speak up.
19:56I would, he would, help.
20:02It looks like we've given Tojo the slip.
20:07Take over for a minute.
20:08Check them on below.
20:10All right, sir.
20:14Hey, how's everything down here?
20:16Turn to the control.
20:19Repeat.
20:20McHale is running from the enemy.
20:23Darn it.
20:24Breaking radio silence while we're trying to get away from a nip sub.
20:27Is that all you can worry about?
20:28Is that all you can worry about?
20:29Hiding from the enemy?
20:31Listen to me, you little Lord Fauntleroy.
20:35Maybe my men ain't GI enough to suit you.
20:38But there ain't a man among them would go out in a, in combat with a 12-year-old spoiled brat aboard.
20:44Chuck!
20:46Yes, Skip?
20:47Chuck!
20:48Look, you keep him out of my hair.
20:50Entertain him, do anything you want.
20:52Drown him.
20:53But don't let him get in my way.
20:54You hear me?
20:55Right, Skip.
20:56Don't you think drown is a little dangerous?
20:57I mean, work it out.
20:59All right, you heard the skipper.
21:02Now sit down.
21:04Who's gonna make me?
21:08They told me to.
21:10Please?
21:20How about a game of casino?
21:23Take your mind off the battle.
21:25Well, I don't want to play casino.
21:27I don't want to take my mind off the battle.
21:29Torpedo off the port ball.
21:39How to stop it?
21:40How to stop it, sir.
21:51Well, that was a close one.
21:53Yeah, it looks like she's got us zeroed in.
21:55We'll have to fight.
21:56Okay, stand by the charges.
21:59Out of port.
22:00Out of port, sir.
22:06Keep calm.
22:09Hurry, them carriers!
22:22Hey, Skip, look.
22:24There she blows.
22:25We put a hole in her.
22:26We got her.
22:27I'm taking her to the life raft.
22:28Okay, man your deck guns, boys.
22:30Looks like we're going to take some prisoners.
22:32Speaking of prisoners, I want to go down and see how that monster's doing.
22:35I'll be right back.
22:38How you doing down here, Chuck?
22:40Oh, there we go, Skip.
22:41Well, we're just playing with a casino, relaxing our nerves.
22:43Uh-oh.
22:45Well, we KO'd that sub there, sonny boy.
22:48Despite you.
22:49How about writing that down your little black book there?
22:52Yeah.
22:53Hey, what are you writing?
22:55Boy, you're in big trouble, Ensign.
22:57Gambling, a bored ship.
23:00Contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
23:03You were a little...
23:04You know, you've been asking for it, boy, and now you're going to get it.
23:08Come over here, you.
23:09Come over here.
23:10Give me swinging room, now, Chuck.
23:12Ow!
23:13Ow!
23:13Ow!
23:14Ow!
23:14Ow!
23:14Ow!
23:14Ow!
23:15Ow!
23:15Ow!
23:15Ow!
23:15Ow!
23:16Ow!
23:16Ow!
23:16Ow!
23:16Ow!
23:17Ow!
23:17Ow!
23:18Ow!
23:18Ow!
23:19Ow!
23:19Ow!
23:20Ow!
23:21Ow!
23:22Ow!
23:23Ow!
23:24Ow!
23:25Ow!
23:26Ow!
23:28Commander McHale?
23:29Yes, sir?
23:30Congratulations, Commander.
23:32I'll see that you and your crew received a unit citation for what you've just done.
23:36You will?
23:37I mean you will, sir.
23:39Thank you very much, sir.
23:41the truth is, sir, we were running away from that
23:43sub. I wasn't referring to the sub
23:45commander. I was speaking about
23:48the well-deserved spanking you
23:49gave my son. Well done,
23:51Mikhail.
23:53The book, the book. Show him a little black book before it's too late.
23:56Father,
23:57I have
23:59a whole list of charges against these men.
24:02Enough to court
24:03marshal every one of them.
24:06Not only that,
24:07but there's a very suspicious looking native
24:09I'm sick of you and your little black
24:11book. Now shut up and get into the gig
24:13or I'll paddle you myself.
24:16You're a credit to the Navy,
24:17sir. If I have any
24:19more trouble with my son, I'll send
24:21him back to you. Yes, sir.
24:23Anytime, sir. You're welcome, sir.
24:26Yes, sir.
24:27Bye-bye. Bye-bye, sir.
24:30Ta-ta, Captain.
24:31Ta-ta.
24:36What are you guys waiting for?
24:37Tea time.
24:39Hoorayät.
25:05Tea time.
25:05Good morning.
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