- 2 days ago
McHale (Ernest Borgnine) and his crew must get rid of a Japanese plane harassing the base before they can go on leave. With Joe Flynn and Tim Conway.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00I'm clear!
00:26Stop shoving!
00:27It's the last time I get in a shelter with an enlisted man.
00:30Attention!
00:36What are you men doing here? Why weren't you in the shelter during the air raid?
00:42Hey, what air raid was that, sir?
00:45Oh, you mean washing machine Charlie.
00:48Well, we didn't want to miss you, sir. We'll be pulling out at 1300 hours,
00:51so we wanted to make sure we picked up our leave papers.
00:52Oh, you did, Hal? It just so happens that your leave has been canceled.
00:56Our leave's been what, sir?
00:57Our leave's been what, sir?
00:58Oh, you brought little Sir Echo with you, I see.
01:00You heard me both of you. Your leave has been canceled, finished, kaput.
01:03You can't do this to my men! My men deserve leave and you know it, sir!
01:07McHale, if those pirates of yours got what they deserve, they would be on permanent leave from this command in Alcatraz.
01:14Oh, uh, you don't mean Alcatraz, sir. That's for civilians.
01:16A Portsmouth is a naval prison, and Leavenworth is the army prison.
01:20I would advise you to have him shut up!
01:22Now, as I was saying, Admiral Reynolds has canceled all leaves until we locate and destroy the enemy menace to Taratupa.
01:30Taratupa, washing machine Charlie.
01:32Washing machine?
01:34Oh, come on now, Captain.
01:36This guy has come over every single day for a solid month and dropped one lousy bomb and never hit one thing.
01:44Now, if he's a menace, I'm a ring-tailed gooney bird.
01:47Well, you just laid an egg, ring-tailed. The Admiral thinks he's enough of a menace to have you fly up to Comfleet immediately for a conference.
01:55Well, why me, sir?
01:56Oh, the Admiral seems to think that you know enough about these islands to be able to locate where the enemy landing strip is.
02:03Now, why he should think that, I don't know, unless he believes that this nip is taking off from some jungle saloon.
02:10Now, keep that in mind, sir.
02:11See that you do.
02:12Well, if we find him, then can we have our leave, sir?
02:15Well, decide that when we come to it.
02:17Boy, the men sure are going to be disappointed.
02:19Oh, are they, Charlie?
02:20Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll have the chaplains stop by and punch their tickets.
02:25Well, I think that'll help, sir, because it will.
02:28Bye, sir.
02:47Easy, easy, easy. I gave that chief 50 bucks and salvage for this item.
02:59Gentlemen, behold, the piece de resistance. One genuine wingtip from one genuine Japanese zero.
03:01Should bring in 200 genuine simoleons when we hit New Caledonia.
03:05easy easy easy i gave that chief 50 bucks and salvage for this item
03:15gentlemen behold the piece de resistance one genuine wingtip from one genuine japanese zero
03:26should bring in 200 genuine simoleons when we hit new caledonia
03:30wait a minute are you kidding the guys on a convoy want things they can use as gifts like uh
03:36harry carry knife something they can bring home to their draft board yeah yeah what good's that
03:41wingtip a little critical huh watch this
03:44you ever see a better beer bottle opener all right on second thought we can't let this thing go for
03:51a penny less than two and a quarter the hell with you hey fellas what'll leave this is gonna be
03:56uh wine women and wowie ah just remember it's business before wowie we got three days to hit
04:03new caledonia make a killing pedal all off all the stuff or else we're stuck with all this junk
04:07here we come hold it hold it you're not going anywhere not for the time being anyway
04:14our leaves have been postponed postponed how do you get out of this chicken outfit
04:20now simmer down young man just simmer down this is only until we put washing machine charlie through
04:25the ringer how are we supposed to do that it could take weeks and the convoy pulls out of caledonia
04:30in three days our whole bankroll's invested in these souvenirs we're gonna blow it all i feel a
04:35nervous breakdown coming on you take me to the mainland you take the 73 and go out looking for that
04:42nip landing strip you hear right chief i'm way ahead of you though skip go over these islands with a fine
04:47tooth comb
04:48we must have checked out a dozen crummy islands they're not a sign of that landing strip
05:10well we can just kiss our leaves goodbye and our money
05:14washing machine charlie right on the button yeah there's the fink that started all our troubles
05:22i could just get them in my sights once hey verge you got a thought there it's worth a try
05:29come on come on
05:29come on
05:30come on
05:41come on
05:52Just when I had a beat on him, he dropped behind those trees.
05:55Pretty clever flying, if you ask me.
05:57That's all my fault.
05:59I don't like my sights.
06:00All I had to do was knock them down and we'd be on our way to New Caledonia.
06:03That's right.
06:04All you had to do was get them in your sights and...
06:06Hey!
06:07How do you know you didn't?
06:09Dead-eye?
06:09What do you mean by that?
06:10Hey, what are you talking about?
06:11Hey, what are you talking about?
06:13These peasants!
06:14Start unpacking your dress givies and dust off them souvenirs.
06:18Old Groove has got himself an idea.
06:20All right, Steve, watch it!
06:25Parker, I want you to explain the meaning of this message that you radioed to me on your
06:29way home from patrol this afternoon.
06:31Sighted?
06:32Nothing?
06:33Sank?
06:34Same?
06:35Yes, sir.
06:36Well, you see, sir, the key to naval communications is brevity.
06:38See, I'm sure.
06:39All right.
06:40If you ever break radio silence again to send me a thing like this, I'm going to transfer
06:45you to the hospital in charge of a bedpan.
06:48That's clear?
06:49Yes, sir.
06:50I've been here.
06:51Come in!
06:52I didn't knock, sir.
06:53I don't know.
06:57Peter Man, first class, Lester Groover reporting, sir.
06:59We thought this should be the first one to know.
07:01First one to know what?
07:02What?
07:03What?
07:04What?
07:05What?
07:06What?
07:07I'll ask the questions here, and then when, where, how.
07:09I mean, did you expect me to believe a wild-eyed story like that?
07:13Well, to tell you the truth, sir, we didn't.
07:16Roll along the proof.
07:18Hey.
07:19All right, men.
07:20Bring them in.
07:21Captain Pinkhampton, may I present washing machine Charlie, at least all that's left of them.
07:32Boy, wait till Fleet Com finds out that my men shot down old wash-
07:36That is, Ensign.
07:37Oh, wait till I tell the Admiral that the men of my command knocked out washing machine Charlie.
07:45Well, McHale, that indispensable man, was trying to find out where he was hiding.
07:49Hmm.
07:50Hmm.
07:51This is a beautiful moment.
07:52Beautiful enough.
07:53They're okay, I'll leave, sir.
07:54Be my pleasure, Lester.
07:55Hey, did you hear that?
07:56You guys are going to New Caledonia.
07:58Three cheers for Captain Pinkhampton.
08:00Hip, hip.
08:01All right, knock it off before I change my mind.
08:03Now get out of here.
08:04Yes.
08:05Well, I have one hip left, sir.
08:06Get out of here.
08:07Well, you got a head left.
08:08Yes, sir.
08:09All right, step lively, men.
08:10Wait a minute, Grover.
08:11Wait a minute.
08:12Where are you going with this thing?
08:14Back to McHale's Island, sir.
08:15Spoils of war, you know.
08:16Oh, no, you don't, Grover.
08:17I've got a spot to pick that for this on my wall.
08:20But you can't, sir.
08:21We paid 50.
08:22It cost us 50 rounds of ammunition for this, sir,
08:24and we have first choice.
08:25I'm going to give you a choice, Grover.
08:27You got a choice of giving me this wingtip,
08:29or you got a choice of going to the brig for 30 days for insubordination?
08:33Now, second thought, sir.
08:34It makes a lousy beer opener.
08:37I could just scream.
08:42Thank you, Jackson.
08:44Hey, Boots.
08:45How are you?
08:46Hey, Skip, what was your mission?
08:47What are you doing?
08:48Hiya, gang.
08:49Hey, you sure did a good job while I was gone, huh?
08:52I guess you already heard about the kill, huh, Skip?
08:54Heard about it?
08:55That's all Admiral Reynolds could talk about up there at Fleet Com.
08:59Come on, you can fill me in over a cold beer.
09:02Hey, Skip, too bad you missed all the excitement.
09:04We got him right where it hurts.
09:05Cut the propeller to splinters.
09:07Ah, good boy, I'm proud of you.
09:09Great shot.
09:10Hi, Skip.
09:11Guess you know all about it, eh?
09:12Yeah, you really hit him where it hurt, eh?
09:14You can say that again.
09:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
09:16Direct hit on a fuel tank.
09:26Seven samurai swords.
09:27Seven check.
09:28Four helmets with the rising sun emblems on.
09:30Hiya, fellas.
09:31Hiya, Skip.
09:32Hiya, Skip.
09:33Ready to shove off a new Caledonia?
09:34As soon as I get a beer, eh?
09:35You guys did a great job, you see?
09:37Yeah, we really clobbered Charlie for keeps.
09:39Boom, boom.
09:40Knocked off his whole tail section.
09:43Tail section?
09:44Yeah.
09:45Well, Virgil told me he got him in a propeller.
09:48Tinker says you got him in a fuel tank.
09:51Hey, Chuck.
09:53Just exactly where did you get him?
09:55Oh, uh, well, the story I got was...
09:57Well, to tell the fruit, Skip, here's what did happen.
09:59You see, one of the shots did hit the propeller,
10:02causing the tail section of the fuel tank to explode.
10:05I'm not buying it.
10:06All right, Chuck.
10:07Out with it.
10:08What really happened?
10:09Well, I'm not sure.
10:10I was with Captain Binghamton at the time,
10:11but he's absolutely right, no doubt about it.
10:13They even brought over a piece of the knit plane.
10:15Oh.
10:17Oh, they even brought over a piece of the plane.
10:20I don't suppose it happened to be, um...
10:23Uh...
10:26Yeah, yeah, that was it, Skip.
10:27Well, Skip, we really better hurry.
10:29Yeah.
10:30Say, a wingtip about, uh, oh, yay high and about yay wide,
10:34and it had a, uh, 50-caliber slug in it.
10:36A slug hole big enough to, uh, say, um, open a bottle of beer.
10:41Well, yeah, I guess you could if you wanted to.
10:43Uh...
10:44Hey, how'd you know?
10:45Well, let's just say that I'm, uh, psychic.
10:48Isn't that right, Groove?
10:50What's your excuse?
10:51We've got a pack of sweat socks on me, too.
10:53Oh, let's...
10:54Come on, line up over here.
10:55All of ya!
10:57All right, you eight balls.
10:59Now, let's stop this snow job and get down to the facts.
11:02I want the truth and nothing but the truth.
11:04So stop horsing.
11:05Come on, now.
11:06Well, Skipper, we had to fake it.
11:08You mean they didn't shoot down washing machine, Charlie?
11:11Oh, and I even wrote a letter to my mother.
11:13Oh, Chuck.
11:14Hey, Skipper!
11:15Condition red.
11:16Captain Binghamton at the dock.
11:17Well, now, isn't that just dandy?
11:19What are you gonna get us?
11:20He's gonna kill us.
11:21Hold it, hold it.
11:22Now, button up all of ya.
11:24I'll do the talking.
11:25Just stay buttoned up.
11:26Now, come on.
11:27Groovey, you get us in there.
11:28Come on.
11:29Come on.
11:30Come on.
11:31Come on.
11:34Welcome aboard, Captain.
11:36Welcome aboard, he says.
11:39Oh, and you've got Mr. Parker with you, don't you?
11:42Y'all packed, Mr. Parker?
11:44Uh, yes, sir.
11:45Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
11:46It'll save you a lot of time, you know.
11:48Cause they're expecting you all down at the break in a half an hour.
11:52The break, sir?
11:53Is anything wrong, sir?
11:55Anything wrong, sir.
11:57Not only is this so-called wingtip here not from washing machine Charlie's plane.
12:02This isn't even from a Japanese plane.
12:04This whole thing's a complete and another hoax.
12:06Free the stenciling on this thing.
12:09Oh.
12:10Uh, property of U.S.
12:14N.
12:15Well, now, sir, that doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means.
12:20Uh, U.S. N. could mean, uh, United Samurai of Nippon.
12:23Now, they all...
12:24Uh, sir, assuming that there was a little mistake, uh, don't you think you could see you
12:29way clear giving the boys a chance to make up for it?
12:32Give them a chance and blow the opportunity of a lifetime to get them behind bars?
12:36No, no, no, McHale.
12:37My only regret is that you were up at Comfleet and I can't prove you're in on this thing, too.
12:42Oh.
12:43Is that your, um, is that your only regret, sir?
12:47What do you mean by that?
12:48You mean, uh, you won't mind the Admiral when he chews you out, when he finds out that you personally confirmed this kill, sir?
12:55Yeah, what are you driving at?
12:57Oh, nothing, nothing, except that, uh, I believe I once heard of a base commander who, uh, got caught falsifying official records for his own personal glory in World War I, I believe.
13:08Yes.
13:09Well, uh, uh, what happened to him?
13:11Well, nobody knows, uh, he's still in solitary confinement, sir.
13:17Oh, you're making that up?
13:19No, no, no, no, sir.
13:20No, sir.
13:21Oh, you must be, Skip.
13:22That's pretty hard to believe.
13:23I mean, the code of justice...
13:24Oh, it got him in, sir.
13:25Oh, this is catastrophic.
13:27My whole career down the bill's finished.
13:30Gee, I love that kind of talk.
13:32You're mumbling about it.
13:34You quit mumbling, you gotta do something.
13:36Oh, well, yes, sir, I think I can do something.
13:38I've, uh, I've located a couple of islands where I believe that Charlie Strip could be located at, sir.
13:43Oh?
13:44Yes, uh, the 73 could be there in a few hours, and, uh...
13:49But, uh...
13:51No.
13:52Huh?
13:53No, no, no, no, it wouldn't work.
13:54It wouldn't work?
13:55Would you stop walking away from me all the time?
13:57Why wouldn't it work?
13:58Why, why, why?
13:59Well, you see, sir, I need a crew, and, uh, with all my men in the brig, awaiting court-martial.
14:04What are you...
14:05Who said anything about it?
14:06I didn't...
14:07Did you hear me?
14:08I didn't say anything.
14:09Get your men on this garbage scow and get it rolling.
14:11Well, you heard the captain.
14:12Come on, men, let's go.
14:13Get this garbage scow rolling.
14:14Bye-bye, Captain.
14:15Bye-bye, sir.
14:16Bye-bye, sir.
14:17Bye-bye.
14:20I think I could have had my commission in public relations.
14:23A can of rations.
14:24It could be a GI, Skip.
14:26Mm, canned octopus.
14:27What kind of rations?
14:47Could be G.I., Skip.
14:48Canned octopus?
14:49Hey, there must be this tea.
14:50Hey, we're in.
14:51Hold it.
14:52Quiet, you swabs.
14:54What do you, uh...
14:55Please, I guess, Skip.
14:57Well, you and I will scout ahead.
14:59The rest of you guys, give us a good head start, then follow behind.
15:02Right, sir.
15:23Hey!
15:24Get a load of that!
15:25And it's brand new, too.
15:26Boy, I'd better bring a cool 20 bucks in that condition.
15:29Hey, Groob, check this.
15:31Oh, a neat one, Tink.
15:35Hey, dig this, man.
15:37It's an ammo belt.
15:38Hand tool in Yokohama.
15:40Boy, we're coming in the regular gold barn.
15:45Jetpack!
15:46And they brought a mighty rifle.
15:48Got to be worth 75 bucks.
15:50All right, look at that condition.
15:52Probably bring a hundred.
15:53Yay!
15:53There she is, Chuck.
16:09Wash machine, Charlie.
16:11Pretty neat little setup, huh?
16:12Yeah, but I'll sure feel better when the guys get here.
16:17They should be here by now.
16:18Yeah.
16:18Where the blazes are they?
16:20Hey, Skip.
16:21Thank heavens, they made it.
16:24All right, stop it.
16:32Why, those eight balls, they let the nips get the drop on them.
16:36Boy, now what are you going to do?
16:37First of all, we're going to keep your teeth from chattering.
16:40I'm going to get our boys out of there.
16:52Watch me now.
16:53First of all, we'll see.
16:54I'll see you soon.
16:54Yeah, quite quick.
17:01We've heard of Nick Dodger.
17:14I'll see you next time.
17:44Come on in. It's all up here.
17:57How about that, Chuck?
17:58Looks like we nabbed old washing machine Charlie himself.
18:01Yeah, right in the middle of his washing, too.
18:04Hey, you know something else?
18:08By gully, I think we just solved our problem
18:10of getting those guys out without being spotted.
18:14Okay, all clear.
18:19Now, look, just act casual.
18:21Cross over to the hut.
18:23Open the boat.
18:24Tell the guys to scram back to the boat.
18:25We'll reform later and hit them at night.
18:27Well, suppose I get suspicious.
18:29Oh, nobody will get suspicious.
18:30Just be casual and like you own the place.
18:35Hey, okay?
18:37Good luck, Ace.
18:44Good luck.
19:03I've been here for a long time.
19:10I've been here for a long time.
19:12I've been here for a long time.
19:33Sayonara!
19:39Sayonara!
19:54American人! American人!
19:56You!
19:58Oh, boy!
20:03Come here!
20:04Banzai!
20:05Oh, no!
20:28I want my mother!
20:40Let's get out of here.
20:42Shh!
20:43Come on.
20:53All right.
20:54Let's move!
20:55The plane moves!
21:05Hold it! Hold it!
21:06Cease fire!
21:07Cease fire!
21:09Nice going, fellas.
21:25Now, before I return to Comfleet, I'd most certainly like to see all that's left of his washing machine Charlie.
21:29His wingtip.
21:30Oh, you want to see his...
21:31I wouldn't want to bore you, Admiral, by having you look at an old piece of scrap metal.
21:36I mean, you've seen one wingtip, you've seen them all.
21:39Sir, radar just picked up a single enemy plane headed this way.
21:43Oh, that's good.
21:44Radar.
21:45Radar.
21:46Admiral, quick to the shelter, Admiral.
21:47I don't understand.
21:48I'll explain it to you.
21:49I thought you said the shelter.
21:50Yes.
21:56Hey, that's right this way, Admiral.
21:57Right down here is the shelter.
21:58A single plane making a pass in broad daylight, Captain?
22:01Looks like washing machine Charlie's tactics for me.
22:03Oh, yeah.
22:04Well, that guy could be his brother.
22:05Uh, washing machine Irving.
22:23It's as though that lips had too much sake.
22:25You ever saw a plane attack sideways?
22:29Hey, you guys.
22:30Don't shoot at me.
22:31I'm your friend.
22:32Comrade.
22:33Mr. Parker.
22:34Hey, I'm a Yankee.
22:37Whoa!
22:41Oh, boy.
22:44Hiya, Walther.
22:46He jumped.
22:47He jumped.
22:48He's coming down.
22:49We got him, Admiral.
22:54Yipe.
22:57Down down below.
22:58Hello!
23:01Yii!
23:04He's going to land right over there.
23:06Keep us covered.
23:07We're going in.
23:08He's landing in those trees.
23:10We'll make sure we're covered.
23:17All right, let's have a look at the terror of Taratupa.
23:19Pick up now, Admiral.
23:20He's dangerous.
23:21All right there.
23:22Turn in your bonsai.
23:23You're through.
23:25Uh...
23:26Afternoon, Captain.
23:27Admiral.
23:28Uh...
23:29It's only me.
23:30Enthed Parker.
23:32Parker!
23:33And who's the fightin' this doggone ensign in the U.S. Navy?
23:45Mr. Parker!
23:46And who's the man who made sure we got our leave?
23:49Mr. Parker!
23:50And who's the best pilot in the Japanese Air Force?
23:53Washing machine, Charlie Parker!
23:54Oh, well, uh...
23:55Gee, fellas.
23:56About flying that plane.
23:57Remember how I used to get scared of height?
23:58I'd get it in an upper berth.
23:59But, well, somehow the height didn't even affect me this time.
24:00I got in that thing and I...
24:01Gave her a little, uh...
24:02Gave her a little, uh...
24:03That carpet by...
24:04Teard.
24:05Guess it's all in, uh...
24:06How you...
24:07Not like that.
24:09And he's gonna be this way all the way to New Caledonia.
24:11Let's go!
24:12Come on!
24:13Let's hear one for Charlie.
24:14I was about flying that plane.
24:15I was about flying that plane.
24:16Remember how I used to get scared of height?
24:17I'd get it in an upper berth.
24:18But, well, somehow the height didn't even affect me this time.
24:19I got in that thing and I...
24:20Gave her a little, uh...
24:21Gave her a little, uh...
24:22Gave her a little, uh...
24:23Gave her a little, uh...
24:25Gave her a...
24:26Gave her a...
24:27Gave her a...
24:28Gave her a...
24:29Let's go!
24:30Come on!
24:31Let's hear one for Charlie.
24:32Here we go!
24:33Hooray for Parker!
24:35He's our playing ace!
24:37Hooray for Parker!
24:39Don't drop him on his face!
24:59Take a deep breath.
25:01What's he doing?
25:02Do you want to believe in the back of your old?
25:03Go!
25:04Let's go!
25:05Go!
25:06Go!
25:07Go!
25:08Go!
25:09Go!
25:10Go!
25:11Go!
25:12Go!
25:13Go!
25:14Go!
25:15Go!
25:16Go!
25:17Go!
25:18Go!
25:19Go!
25:20Go!
25:21Go!
25:22Go!
25:23Go!
25:24Go!
25:26Go!
25:27Go!
25:28You
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