- 3 months ago
McHale and the rest of the crew's happy home on McHale's island is threatened by Binghamton's plan to build a new officers' club there. In an attempt to stay, the crew try to sabotage its construction.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00you are looking into the puzzle of a japanese 38 revolver this is one of the many items on sale
00:08today at reduced prices now who wants a hairy carry knife to send to his mother-in-law
00:12now a demonstration how about you sailor don't you want your girl to be the first in the block
00:17to have a samurai sword boy they're going fast hey clover skipper says to get the gig ready we've
00:22got an officer's meeting main side sure sure in a minute mr parker what do you say fellas tomorrow
00:25all this stuff goes back to regular prices now shake yourself how much for the samurai sword
00:29formerly 20 bucks mark down to 15.95 for today only 15.95 oh that's right mr parker this is
00:36any of that cheap domestic stuff look made in japan yeah boy that's all right gober get the skipper's
00:41gig ready oh mr parker not in the middle of my spring clearance sale can't you get one of the
00:45other guys to go you heard what the man said how many times i gotta remind you this is still the
00:52baby now come on move it on the double let's go let's go let's go let's go
00:57let's go
00:58let's go
01:03let's go
01:07let's go
01:13let's go
01:17which brings us to the next order of business gentlemen
01:46and this is something that is very near very dear to my heart this is something that i have
01:52long felt that we officers have a crying need for it is a place where we can get away from the
01:58strain of war where we can relax among our own in short gentlemen an officer's club
02:07skipper did you hear that an officer's club just for the officers that means us
02:13i'm delighted to see that you all feel about this project as i do
02:18because this is not just a dream of the future the plans have been already drawn up
02:26the building materials are standing by we lay the keel tomorrow then you've already picked a site for the club sir
02:37indeed i have parker and after many weeks of thought and consideration i have finally decided on the best place
02:44mikhail's island
02:47did you did you say my island that's right mikhail now hold on
02:56you can't do this sir are you trying to tell me what i can and cannot do
03:06commander now you listen to me mikhail that island of yours is under my jurisdiction and i'll use it anyway i see fit but it's under my command captain and you are under mine and don't you forget it
03:18now as i was saying any of you gentlemen care to see the plans i'd like to see them sir
03:23permission to leave sir
03:26granted
03:26carpenter
03:28sir
03:30put the marine guards on those building supplies for the club
03:33i know mikhail and his gang they're not going to take this lying down
03:37all right all right hold it hold it
03:44now look don't worry skipper we won't shoot the kill we'll just ring them as they try to land
03:47we got a right to defend our hall
03:49this whole thing is unconstitutional
03:50it's on the bacon
03:51you tell them food we got rights
03:54all right man as you were after all we officers have rights too
03:57don't we
03:58but aren't in this case chuck
04:00oh binghamton invading this island is
04:03is no different than old shickle gruba marching through those little countries
04:06and this is a democracy mr parker
04:08this is an island of the crew by the crew and for the crew
04:11and we should not let it perish from the earth
04:14you tell him abe
04:18fourscore and two hundred days ago
04:22our skipper here brought forth to this island
04:25a pg crew
04:26concede his liberty and dedicate to the proposition
04:29all right all right all right you made your point
04:34thanks anyway i had no intention of letting binghamton take over
04:37well what do we do skip what do we do we strike back that's what we do
04:42we're not letting anybody take over this island without a fight
04:44yeah sail against binghamton
04:47we shall meet the enemy and they shall be ours
04:50we'll fight them on the beaches we'll fight them in the sky
04:53we'll meet them in the streets we'll seek them out in the jungle
04:57in the woods in the streets
05:00we have nothing to fear
05:12christy
05:17take her
05:19happy
05:21grover
05:24willie
05:26virgil
05:27all prison counterforce sir
05:31okay
05:32now you guys know what you're supposed to do
05:34only make it look accidental will you
05:36okay
05:37chuck you're in charge of this mission
05:39i'll handle the rest
05:40we'll we'll give them all we got sir
05:42all right
05:43oh by the way sir
05:44to my mother
05:46just in case
05:47cut that out
05:55I'll handle the rest
05:59just in case
06:01that's a story
06:02with the people
06:03who are
06:05what are you doing
06:07with the people
06:08then
06:08you
06:09can
06:10talk about
06:14you
06:15how are you doing
06:17how are you doing
06:19how are you doing
06:21Hey, Christy, by tomorrow this place is going to be another rocket ship brawl system.
06:51Hey, Christy, by tomorrow this place is going to be another rocket ship.
07:21What do you mean? You tripped?
07:28I what?
07:29I don't know, sir. I just tripped. I heard a noise and I just rushed in here and I...
07:33I'm not looking where you were going. You just smashed into my table and spilled ink all over my plans.
07:39Would you look at them? They're ruined.
07:41Oh, so help me. Hannah McHale couldn't have done a better job of sabotaging these...
07:48That's it. That was the noise that you heard.
07:51And McHale has got to be at the bottom of this.
07:54Sir, I...
07:55Oh, what do you want? Don't tell me you tripped too.
07:57No, sir. I fell when the barge broke loose.
08:00Oh, I see. You fell when the barge... Did you hear that, Carpenter?
08:02The barge broke...
08:04My building supplies.
08:06Don't just stand there and get me the officer of the deck.
08:09I'm afraid he's not quite free just now, sir.
08:11He's not free just now? How dare you?
08:14Well, he was checking the supplies, sir.
08:17And he got stuck in some wet cement.
08:18Wet cement? Barges break loose? Plans are ruined?
08:24Get me McHale.
08:26What was that?
08:27Well, it sounds like machine gun fire, sir.
08:32Somebody shot McHale.
08:34Oh, hurray! They finally got McHale.
08:37I wouldn't miss this for the world.
08:38There. It's coming from out there, sir.
08:49McHale's boat.
08:50McHale's boat?
08:52Well, I figured that he'd fight back, but I never counted on an all-out war.
08:56Well, don't just stand there. Somebody shoot back at him.
08:59He's not firing at us, sir. He's shooting at the barge.
09:03And it's... it's sinking.
09:06That's right. He's sinking the barge.
09:09Now, cut that off.
09:11McHale, cease firing, I said.
09:13McHale! McHale!
09:19All right, McHale.
09:20You'd better have a good explanation for what you've done this time.
09:24Oh, what'd I do now, Captain?
09:25Hey, what's wrong with you, cop? You pinned back up on you?
09:28Come on, McHale. You leave that man alone.
09:31You know perfectly well what you did.
09:32You sunk that barge on purpose.
09:34Of course I did, sir.
09:36If I shoot at something, I ought to hit it.
09:37You hear that, Captain? You hear that?
09:39Oh, I want a written statement on this. Take it down. Take it down.
09:41Wait a minute. Wait, wait. What statement?
09:42I told you it was me, bitch!
09:44Not a lot like that.
09:45Well, I was only doing my duty, sir.
09:47Thinking a barge?
09:48Well, when I saw something moving on the water and refused to identify...
09:50Sir, he's going too fast.
09:51When I saw something moving on the water and they refused to identify themselves, I figured
09:57they were Japs sneaking in. So I blasted him. B-L-A-S-T-E-D.
10:03Blast.
10:03Yes.
10:04Okay?
10:04Fine.
10:05Is that right, Chuck?
10:06Oh, yes, sir. We kept yelling,
10:08Barge 34, who are you?
10:10Oh, shut up.
10:11Have a beer, Captain. Have a beer.
10:14I don't want a beer!
10:15I killed you a liar.
10:16Wait a minute.
10:17You knew those were my supplies.
10:19But this little caper of yours isn't going to hold me up for one minute.
10:22I'll just set up a temporary club.
10:25A temporary club?
10:27What are you building with, sir?
10:28I'm not going to build it.
10:30It's already built.
10:31McHale, you and your men clear out of here.
10:36Parker!
10:37Have this place fumigated.
10:39Until my new supplies arrive, this is the Taratupa Officers Club.
10:44Take a note of the address.
10:50Cut that out!
10:55Get the stuff right up in there.
10:57Hey, Chuck!
10:59Oh, hello, Captain.
11:00McHale, what's going on?
11:02Oh, nothing, sir.
11:03We're just moving back on the base, sir.
11:04Oh, well, that explains why you're bringing...
11:07Now, wait a minute.
11:08You can't get away with this, McHale.
11:10Uh, begging the captain's pardon, sir,
11:12but Section 12, Paragraph 32, Navy Rules and Regulations,
11:16specifically state that upon request of the unit commander,
11:19proper quarters shall be assigned to...
11:20I say it's Atkins!
11:24Now, Atkinson, you and your big mouth stay at attention.
11:28The rest of you men are at ease.
11:33Now, McHale, can't we be a little bit more reasonable about this?
11:39Uh, well, uh, yes, sir?
11:40Uh, well, uh...
11:41You and your men wouldn't be happy here.
11:43It's, uh, it's so crowded here.
11:46And there's so many rules and regulations to go by.
11:49Oh, well, I'm sure we could get the hang of it, sir.
11:51Uh, McHale.
11:54Yes, sir?
11:55What I'm trying to say is that the rest of the personnel here on Taratupa,
12:00oh, they're nice, clean-cut American boys.
12:03Oh?
12:04They come from respectable families.
12:07Their mothers depend on...
12:09Oh, I understand, sir.
12:11Yeah, my boys do get out of hand occasionally, yes, sir.
12:14Good, well, that's all settled then.
12:16Yes, sir.
12:16I'll do my darndest to keep them under control, sir.
12:20Under control?
12:21Yes, sir.
12:22You betcha.
12:23And now, sir, if you'll excuse me, uh, we have to find our quarters, sir.
12:26Uh, all right, men, let's go.
12:28Oh, uh, with the captain's permission.
12:31That is...
12:31That is...
12:32All right, men.
12:35For...
12:35Forge!
12:37Yeah.
12:43Bye-bye, captain.
12:44Bye.
12:46So, this is the Navy.
12:54I've seen better-looking Sal Blocks and Sing Sing.
12:56What?
12:57The newsreels, of course.
12:58Oh, boys, my draft board gonna hear about this.
13:01Talk about boards.
13:02Did you feel this bed?
13:03Hello there, you Navy men.
13:05Hey, Skipper, when are we gonna start wrecking this joint?
13:08What?
13:08Uh-uh-uh, that's exactly what Binghamton is expecting.
13:11Yeah, but, Skipper, you said we're coming down here to do a little fighting.
13:14We are, we are.
13:15No, we ain't doing nothing.
13:17Look, let me explain it to you.
13:20Binghamton is always figuring us to be up to something, right?
13:22Right, you know what I said?
13:24Right.
13:24So, we just make his life miserable by sitting around doing absolutely nothing.
13:28We just rattle our swords a little bit.
13:30What swords?
13:31We don't have any swords.
13:32Why are you kidding?
13:33They're gonna hold back for like a let you have a...
13:34Oh, yeah, wait a minute.
13:35What the Skipper means is when we don't do something, we're doing something.
13:39It's like a war of nerves.
13:40I still don't get it.
13:41Or will you just stand there and relax and I'll explain it to you?
13:44Now look, every time that Binghamton goes over to the officers' club to relax, we...
13:51Sir, your dinner is getting cold.
14:02Oh, hang the dinner.
14:03How can I enjoy a meal over here when McHale and his gang are over there doing heaven knows what they're doing?
14:08Actually, sir, it seems very quiet over at the base.
14:11That's what worries me.
14:12It's just a little too quiet over in the base.
14:15They're probably sneaking around in the dark, stealing me blinds.
14:21Quick Red Fox calling Blue Leader.
14:24Quick Red Fox calling Blue Leader.
14:26This is Blue Leader.
14:27Blue Leader.
14:28Go ahead, Quick Red Fox.
14:30Binghamton can't eat.
14:32Spent all time watching base.
14:34He look very worried.
14:35Well, that's great.
14:36Now, let me know the minute he starts to move out.
14:39Blue Leader, over and out.
14:41Needle go.
14:44General Pucker, you're the operations officer.
14:47Start operating, buddy.
14:48Yes, sir.
14:48One more nerve's coming right up.
14:59Wait a minute.
15:01But there's some kind of a signal there.
15:03Tell me what they say.
15:04Yes, sir.
15:06What?
15:07Well, it looks as if someone is flashing a weather report, sir.
15:10A weather report?
15:11Yes, sir.
15:12The coast is clear.
15:15Bring booze.
15:17Got it?
15:18Girls.
15:20I know it.
15:21They've got my nurses.
15:22Now, saltwater tramps are throwing a wild party on the base.
15:26Carpenter, get my boat.
15:27Yes, sir.
15:28Yes, sir.
15:41He's taking off like a big bird.
15:44He's heading the old way.
15:46Roger and out.
15:46This is Blue Leader.
15:49This is Blue Leader.
15:50Blue Leader calling Abel Baker.
15:54Proceed with Operation Highball.
15:56This is Abel Baker.
15:58Message received.
15:59Wilco and out.
16:00Boy, this sure seems like a waste of good liquor to me.
16:07I guess the skipper knows what he's doing.
16:09If you hurry up, they'll be here any minute.
16:12Hey, here they come.
16:14Start spraying.
16:15The lights are out.
16:32They must have seen us coming.
16:39I smell liquor.
16:42Carpenter, were you drinking at the club?
16:44Me, sir.
16:45No, sir.
16:45Not at front.
16:46Well, somebody was.
16:48The air is filled with it.
16:50Boy, this place smells like one of Al Capone's warehouses.
16:54I'm going to get to the bottom of this.
16:57And stop that inhaling.
17:01Okay, stand by.
17:02Check going, Charlie.
17:03Report Binghamton, 100 yards away.
17:05Uh-huh, uh-huh.
17:06Okay, contact Green Dog.
17:08Tumaside Operation Hot Lips.
17:12Wilco.
17:13Green Dog, over and out.
17:19Okay, they're coming now.
17:20Let's, uh, let's get in front of it.
17:21I'll do the best I can, but you ain't my type.
17:24Oh, stop.
17:26Oh, stop.
17:27Oh, stop.
17:28Taylor, boy.
17:28Oh, you're...
17:29What's that?
17:30It sounds like a girl, sir.
17:31A girl?
17:32What's your light over there?
17:33You?
17:34You just...
17:34Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's a native girl.
17:40Now they're turning my base into a floating geisha house.
17:42Come back, come back here!
17:44Did you recognize him?
17:46It was one of McHale's men, wasn't it?
17:47I think so, sir.
17:49But I must be wrong.
17:50Wrong?
17:51Why?
17:51The fellow I thought I recognized was the native girl.
17:58What happened there?
17:59You have been inhaling.
18:00Oh, no, sir.
18:01What a week.
18:05I haven't been able to enjoy one night at the club.
18:09Every time I shove off McHale and that bunch start carousing.
18:13And not once have I been able to catch them with the goods.
18:17Oh, I could just scream.
18:19Oh, I could too, sir.
18:20Don't you dare.
18:22I'm telling you, it may not be tonight or tomorrow night or the next,
18:25but I'm going to get them.
18:26Oh, I'm going to get them, and when I do,
18:28they'll spend so much time behind bars,
18:31they'll think they're parakeets.
18:34What is it?
18:35It's Admiral Reynolds, sir.
18:37His plane is just landing.
18:38Admiral Reynolds here?
18:39Oh, that's all I need.
18:41One of his surprise inspection chores.
18:43All right, all right.
18:45I want every man and piece of equipment on this base shining in five minutes.
18:48Yes, sir.
18:49What about McHale, sir?
18:50Oh, what about McHale, sir?
18:52Carpenter, why is it you always have their questions?
18:55You never have any answers.
18:56Well, sir, maybe we could put a 24-hour marine guard on McHale and his men.
19:00Negative.
19:01They've only got one marine company.
19:03We'd need a whole division to keep those bandits in check.
19:06It's too bad he's not out on a mission right now, sir.
19:09A mission?
19:11Well, that's it.
19:12With McHale and those water rats out at sea,
19:14they can't do any harm.
19:16Carpenter, you're a genius.
19:17Oh, thank you, sir.
19:18On second thought, I am.
19:19I thought of it.
19:21Go on, Skip.
19:22Yeah, go on, Skip.
19:23Tell us.
19:24Well, that's why he wants us out on patrol.
19:27Out of sight, out of trouble.
19:29Not only that, but he's taking Reynolds to the officer's club for dinner.
19:32If the admiral gets to like the place, we'll never get it back.
19:34That's all we need.
19:35We'll wind up being part of the Navy.
19:37Yeah, no more Fuji.
19:38No more Luau.
19:39How about me?
19:39The only native gal I've been out with lately is...
19:42is him.
19:43Don't knock it.
19:44I've seen what you've been out with before.
19:45I think you guys have problems.
19:47What am I going to do with my laundry business?
19:48My souvenir shop.
19:49Hey, Gruber, you still got that Japanese stuff?
19:53Sure, Skipper.
19:54I'll let you have it cheap.
19:55I'll tell you what.
19:55No.
19:56Let me tell you.
19:58Binghamton wants us to go out on a mission.
20:00All right.
20:02We'll go on a mission.
20:05Banzai!
20:08Binghamton, I must admit I was quite pleased to find your base so shipshape.
20:12Oh, thank you very much, Admiral, and I hope that you're enjoying our new officers' club.
20:17Yes, yes, fine, fine, but, uh, well, isn't it rather far from the main base?
20:22Oh, no, sir.
20:23No, Admiral, you see, I planned it this way.
20:25See, this is the only way that we can have a little privacy and tranquility,
20:29something that we officers deserve, don't you agree?
20:33White and blazing!
20:34Well, that sounds like, uh...
20:35Everybody down!
20:36We're under attack!
20:37Oh, you're sick!
20:38What?
20:38What?
20:38What?
20:38What?
20:39It's a nip landing party, sir!
20:41Yes, sir!
20:41I'm sorry!
20:44Yankee dog, you died!
20:47Take that, you wretch!
20:48You run them all!
20:49Watch the right flight!
20:55Banzai!
20:56Saranara!
20:57Tsukiyaki!
20:58Kamei!
21:02Easy, boy, don't destroy the landscaping.
21:04We're moving back here tomorrow.
21:07I don't understand, Japp, but how did they get through our, uh...
21:10Who cares?
21:11They're here.
21:11Yes, okay.
21:12I thought you were on a patrol.
21:13Oh, we were, sir.
21:14We were.
21:14Yes, sir.
21:15It's a lucky thing we saw this, uh...
21:17Jetson Marine, sir, headed this way.
21:20And so we turned around and headed off before it got to the base.
21:22Good man, McHale.
21:24Yeah, well, I'm only trying to do my duty, sir.
21:26Yes, sir.
21:27What are your orders, sir?
21:28You're the ranking officer here.
21:29My orders?
21:29Oh, yes.
21:30Uh-oh.
21:31Watch your flanks.
21:32Uh, be sure you keep them covered.
21:33Uh, yes, sir.
21:34Yes.
21:34Oh, that's very good, sir.
21:36Very good.
21:36Yes, sir.
21:37All right, I'll report back on how we're doing.
21:39And, and, and stay down, Captain.
21:40Stay down.
21:41All right.
21:41All right.
21:43Come on, you guys.
22:07You're supposed to be fighting for your lives.
22:09A couple of you Japs start dying.
22:11Groover, come here.
22:12Come here.
22:12Ah, so, I hear, Skipper-san.
22:14I hear, Skipper-san.
22:15Look, get all your souvenirs and scout them around the beach now, will you?
22:18Scout them around?
22:19Oh, Skipper.
22:20Oh, now you do it.
22:21Come on.
22:22Okay, men.
22:24Charge them down to the sea.
22:26Charge.
22:28Come on, come on.
22:29Come on, let's go.
22:30What's up?
22:30Hey, hey, where you going?
22:31You want to get caught?
22:32Get back there in the bushes.
22:33Holy cow.
22:34Never get a chance to get on the ringing side.
22:40Yes, sir.
22:41Well, here's what happened.
22:42Well, I don't understand this.
22:44There's no prisoners.
22:44There's not even a body.
22:46Well, when we pushed them all down to the sea, sir, some of them must have gotten out to the Jap sub and, well, the others.
22:53Great job, McHale.
22:54Well, I'm going to recommend you and your men for a citation for this.
22:58Oh, well, you don't have to do that, sir.
23:00We were just following orders.
23:01We were under your command, sir.
23:02Nonsense.
23:03You deserve it, don't they, Binghamton?
23:05Oh, yes, yes, yes, they do.
23:07I still don't understand why a Japanese submarine would come in here.
23:12That was obvious.
23:13You let your flank uncovered.
23:14Hey, yes, and, of course, there was no outpost.
23:17We were only an officer's club.
23:18Of course.
23:19Your club should be over at the main base, Binghamton.
23:22Make this place an outpost and it won't happen again.
23:24Well, my men and I would be very happy to volunteer for that assignment, sir.
23:27Yes, sir.
23:28You say you don't deserve a citation.
23:30Now, you're a brave man, McHale.
23:32I can't think of a better outfit than yours for the job.
23:35Yes, and as of now, this officer's club here is your new quarters.
23:39Oh, well, thank you very much, sir.
23:41$20, mark down to $15.95.
24:04All right.
24:04All right.
24:34Bye-bye.
24:41Bye-bye.
24:43Bye-bye.
24:50Bye-bye.
24:52Bye-bye.
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