- 1 day ago
McHale and the Crew throw a hoedown to cheer up a lovelorn Willy, whose Tennessee girlfriend leaves him to marry another man, but an unexpected guest makes an appearance: a congressman from the Naval Appropriations Committee.
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00:00All right, you guys in the bottling department, shake it up. We've got a lot of orders to fill.
00:09Hey, group, what label do you want me to put on this back?
00:12Is it 10-year-old Tennessee Mountain Dew or the 5-year-old Chattanooga Sippin' Corn?
00:16Let's be strictly honest about it this time. Use the age in the wood label.
00:20Willie dropped his toothpick in the mash.
00:24That tastes like instant sick leave.
00:26What's the idea, Willie? If the guys at the base tried his stuff, they'll figure we sold out the Tojo.
00:31Sorry, group, but I'm real worried. I ain't got a letter from Effie Mae in now in three weeks.
00:37Forget about Effie Mae. Think of your sweet old grandmother back in Spruce Ridge.
00:41That's right. If she finds out how you lost up her recipe for corn squeezings, well, she'll stick the revenuers on you.
00:45Hey, Willie! Listen, I picked this letter up for you over at Mainside. It's the one you've been waiting for, all the way from the hills of Tennessee.
00:52Hey, lads, we're back in business. Once again, our happy mountain boy will be dancing barefoot through the sour mash.
01:00Oh, Effie Mae.
01:02What's the matter, Willie?
01:03She got married.
01:05What?
01:06Effie Mae went mad at 4F Luke Higgins.
01:09Oh, boy, you need a drink.
01:11Oh, he's got enough trouble.
01:13Don't poison him.
01:14Hi, Chuck.
01:17Hi.
01:18Where's everybody?
01:19Oh, well, uh, officially, I couldn't say, Skip, but, uh, unofficially, they're up at the S-T-I-L-L.
01:25Now, watch your language, boy.
01:27There's nothing in regulations against a man having a hobby, you see?
01:29Oh, no, no. It's good for the morale. It takes your mind off war.
01:32In fact, if you ever had any of that stuff, it takes your mind off everything.
01:35Yeah, when the recreation hour is over, he passed a word along to Willie that he's to report to the main base 1400.
01:41Captain Binghamton's radio man came down with, uh, I don't know, something or other, and he has to take over his watch for him.
01:46Hey, Skipper!
01:47Huh?
01:47Hey, Skip, you better go talk to Willie. Maybe you can cheer him up.
01:51Why, what's the matter?
01:51That Pete-Pickin' sweetheart of his just sent him a Dear John letter.
01:54Oh, for crying out loud. Poor Swab's out here fighting a war, and that backwoods female jilt's him.
02:00How's he taking it?
02:01Rough, Skip. He's sitting there like he was shell-shocked.
02:05Kabakazi, we should be so lucky. That's the still.
02:16Willie, what happened?
02:18If he may, he got married.
02:35Willie, what happened?
02:37Bill, who�.
02:54Bill, whoo.
03:04Well, McHale, it was nice of you to drop in on our little staff meeting.
03:14Now, I'm sorry if the war interferes with your water skiing.
03:17We weren't water skiing, sir.
03:19No, sir.
03:19We were having a little trouble with our still, though.
03:22Well, I was glad to come over, Captain.
03:24Yes, sir.
03:24To see how the Navy operates.
03:26Don't get cute with me, McHale.
03:28Clam up and sit down.
03:29Now, move.
03:29If you'll get Mortimer Snurried off your lap there, we'll proceed with the meeting.
03:39Mr. Gentleman, I want you to hear this, and I want you to hear it good.
03:42There are no more seats.
03:45Stand up.
03:46Lean against the safe.
03:47Get in the safe.
03:48Just shut up.
03:50I have been alerted to expect a visit from Congressman Carl Joyner.
03:54Now, this is a visit so important that I have been alerted by a directive from Cominch Pack.
04:00No question about what that means.
04:03Well, I have a question.
04:04What is it?
04:06Oh, what does Cominch Pack mean?
04:10Nobody can be that stupid.
04:12What is Com...
04:12On second thought, I take that back.
04:17Cominch Pack means Commander-in-Chief Pacific Fleet.
04:20Kale, would you stop conducting school while I'm talking?
04:23Now, Congressman Joyner happens to be the ranking congressman on the Committee of Naval Appropriations.
04:30He can smell a loose dollar in the wind, and I don't mind telling you I'm not looking forward to his visit.
04:37Well, Captain, I want you to know that we're behind you 100%, sir.
04:40Well, thank you, McHale.
04:42I think nothing of it, sir.
04:43Yes, sir, if you're in trouble with your accounts, we'll make up the shortage out of our own pockets.
04:47Right?
04:48We'll pass a hat right now.
04:49Oh, shut up.
04:50We'll pass a hat right now.
04:51What's the matter with you?
04:52Comedians!
04:53What do I need are fighting men, and they send me fat little comedians?
04:58Captain, just when does Congressman Joyner do here?
05:00Sometime next week.
05:02I've sent a message to Captain Dryden.
05:03He's the officer who will accompany the congressman asking for the details.
05:09And whose office you think it is?
05:11I don't want to be interrupted by an important meeting.
05:13Oh.
05:14Oh, Captain Dryden.
05:15He's on a scramble for him.
05:15Put him on.
05:16Put him on.
05:17Hello, Dryden.
05:18Did you get my message?
05:19What in blazes is going on down there?
05:21We've checked every code in the book, including the Japanese, and still it comes out.
05:26Every other word, Effie Mae.
05:28That's right.
05:29E-F-F-I-E-M-A-Y.
05:33Ah, Effie Mae?
05:34I...
05:35Get that radio man in here.
05:37I didn't send any message with Effie Mae in it.
05:41We'll be jumping torpedoes.
05:43Willie's fouled up.
05:44Settle down, man.
05:46Get this Effie Mae off your mind, whoever she is.
05:51But Dryden, Captain Dryden?
05:54Sir?
05:54All right, Moss, what is all this about Effie Mae?
05:59Gee, Captain, how'd you hear about her?
06:01I heard about her the hard way, straight from Comments Pack.
06:06That's Commander-in-Chief of Pacific Fleet.
06:08Knock it off!
06:10Oh, now, ease off there, Captain.
06:12You and your crew have gotten me into trouble for the last time.
06:15I'm going to ship this moss right out of here, just as soon as I can get a replacement.
06:18Shipping them out?
06:20Oh, but Captain, have a heart.
06:22Never mind my heart, it's my ulcer that I'm worried about.
06:25And you listen to me.
06:27If you and your eight balls make one miscue while that congressman is here,
06:31I'm going to rack you up and drop you in a side pocket like the Aleutians.
06:35Oh, but Captain...
06:36Don't you butt me!
06:37I mean it, and I'm going to do it if I have to put the orders straight through to Sinkus.
06:42Sinkus?
06:42That's a dandy.
06:43What does that one mean?
06:44Commander-in-Chief of the...
06:45Oh, get out of here!
06:47Out, out, out, out!
06:48Out, hurry up!
06:52I tell you, Skip, we've got to do something.
06:58Yeah, if Willie gets shipped out now on top of losing this gal, he'll be bucking for a Section 8.
07:02There must be something we can do, Skip.
07:03Skip, it just ain't like you to give up without a fight.
07:05All right, ease off, Willie.
07:07I tried talking to Willie to snap him out of it, but it wasn't like he didn't even hear me.
07:12Look, if any of you guys gave me bright ideas, now's the time to bring him up.
07:15Yeah, the skipper's right.
07:16We can't blame him every time somebody gets in trouble.
07:19Now, this is one problem we've just got to iron out ourselves.
07:23What a boy, Mr. Parker.
07:24What's your idea?
07:25Well, now, there are any number of things we can do.
07:28Uh, one, if we all got together, we could, uh...
07:32Well, two...
07:34Look, I hate to pass the buck, but this isn't Listed Man's problem.
07:40Guys, I think Mr. Parker just came up with a solution.
07:43See?
07:45Yeah, well, any leader of men would have done the same for his crew.
07:49What was the solution?
07:50When you said pull rank.
07:52Skip, all you've got to do is put in a good word for Willie with your old pal, Admiral Reynolds.
07:56Hey, I think Gloob's got it, Skip.
07:57Listen, he says that we're the best combat crew in the South Pacific.
08:00Now, you guys want me to defy Captain Binghamton?
08:05To go over his head?
08:08To violate the Navy chain of command?
08:12Now, wait just a minute!
08:16That's long enough. I'll do it. Come on.
08:21Yes, sir. Anything you say, Admiral.
08:23Anything...
08:24Yes, sir. Get on the ball, yes.
08:26And batten down the hatches. Yes, sir.
08:28Yeah, get the lead out of it. Yes, sir.
08:31Thank you very much, Admiral. Thank you.
08:33I'll make you kill some dangerous.
08:36I'm in!
08:38Oh, hello, Captain.
08:40Sorry to butt in, sir, but my ears were burning.
08:43I had a feeling someone was talking about me, sir.
08:45And my nose has been itching, too, so...
08:47Oh, wait a minute. Check that. That means you're going to kiss a fool.
08:49It doesn't come to accept it, sir.
08:50What, just stop that inferno babbling?
08:53You're really asking for it going over my head to the Admiral?
08:56Oh, now, wait a minute, Captain. Don't make waves.
08:59Now, you're trying to break up my crew, and I had to go to bat for them.
09:01And now, sir, if you'll excuse us, we'll go inform Radio Man Moss that he's been reinstated.
09:07Just a minute, McHale.
09:09Moss has not been reinstated.
09:11What?
09:12The Admiral may have a soft spot in his heart, but not in his head.
09:15Your boy's future here at Taratupa is, to put it in a word, very iffy.
09:20What do you mean?
09:21The Admiral is sending a communications officer down here to give that boy a full and complete Radio Man ratings test,
09:27and he'd better not make one teensy-weensy little mistake.
09:30But he already passed that test.
09:31That's right, sir, and according to naval regulations, you can't try a man twice for the same offense.
09:35Oh, is that right?
09:37Well, that's a good thing for you, Goofy.
09:39Or you'll be in a constant state of court-martial for impersonating an officer.
09:43Oh, now, wait a minute, sir.
09:44I've got papers to break it.
09:45Uh-huh, solid Rin Tin Tin.
09:46Get him out of here before he bites somebody.
09:54What does he mean, impersonating an officer, Skip?
09:56Why, it says right on my committee.
09:57Oh, don't worry about that now, Chuck.
09:59Willie's our problem right now.
10:01Oh, God, he's so shook up about that Effie Mae that he's going to blow that test for sure.
10:05Yeah, well, I don't know why he can't get his mind off Effie Mae.
10:09There's a lot of good-looking girls around here.
10:10You're sure there are.
10:12But Willie's taste runs to Tennessee mountain gals.
10:14And where are you going to find a sweet-talking peepicker in this part of the world, I ask you?
10:19Yeah.
10:20Excuse me.
10:21I'm new on this here base.
10:22Could y'all tell me where the officer's club is?
10:24Right over there, miss.
10:26Thank you kindly.
10:27You're welcome.
10:31Oh, peepicker!
10:32Miss, I've got to talk to you.
10:36Well, sir, you don't have to scare me half to death.
10:39Quit McHale on hand, that woman.
10:41Oh.
10:41That's a no-no.
10:42How about Molly?
10:43Is that what you think?
10:44It better not be.
10:45Cindy, this is Commander McHale.
10:46He's already spoken for it.
10:49Cindy Bates.
10:50Anson Parker, it's open season on him.
10:54I'm mighty proud to make the acquaintance of such charming gentlemen.
10:58Well, hush, my puppies.
11:00You all ain't half as proud to meet we all as I all is to meet you all.
11:05And that's all.
11:06Oh, boy.
11:07Don't try to teasing me with that Dixie talk.
11:10You're not from the sire.
11:12Yeah, yeah, but there's a boy in our crew who is.
11:14And I think you're just a gal that can save his bacon and grits, honey.
11:18Come on, honey.
11:19I'm going to buy you a drink.
11:20Mid-julep, of course.
11:21Mm-hmm.
11:22What's the line if I come along?
11:24Well, I'm all set, Commander.
11:27How do I look?
11:28Oh, great.
11:28And you're an angel for doing this.
11:30But remember, this is a rush job, so you really got to turn on that southern charm.
11:33Go full speed ahead.
11:34I'll sure do my little old best.
11:37Oh, boy.
11:38If that's not good enough, then maybe he ought to be shipped out, huh?
11:43Oh.
11:45Didn't hurt a bit.
11:48Didn't hurt a bit.
11:50Hey, Willie.
11:51They got a new nurse in there.
11:53Boy, what a cute doll.
11:55Oh, dang.
11:56Yeah, yeah, but this was a sun and gala.
11:58A real Dixie Bluebell, hmm, with a landscape like those Tennessee hills.
12:02Woo-hoo.
12:03Come on.
12:03I have to, Skip.
12:05Golly, I hate shots.
12:06Oh, but once you get a load of this gorgeous dish of corn pool, man, you won't feel a thing.
12:10Come on, boy.
12:11Come on.
12:11Get in here.
12:12Come on.
12:16Lieutenant Cindy Bates, this is radio man Willie Moss.
12:19Well, howdy there, Willie Moss.
12:20They tell me y'all come from Tennessee.
12:23That's my neck of the piney wood.
12:25Yes, ma'am.
12:27He's a little shy.
12:28My, my, what a darling boy.
12:32Enough to make a girl's heart go pretty pat.
12:34Don't hang your head, sugar.
12:36You don't have to be shy with little old me.
12:41Come on, boy.
12:42Look at her.
12:42Look at her.
12:43Well, now, Willie, wasn't that the nicest little old shot you ever had?
12:49What do you say?
12:51Thank you, ma'am.
12:52Let's get out of here, Skip.
12:53And Molly says, that boy isn't shy.
13:03He's just plain dead.
13:05Yeah, how do you like that, Willie?
13:06He gets a good-looking dame and nothing happens.
13:08Yeah, he's sicker than we thought.
13:09What are we going to do now, Skip?
13:11I don't know.
13:11Hey, Skip, where's Willie?
13:13He's up in the hills moping.
13:14Why?
13:14I got some bad news.
13:15That examining officer's going to be here in the morning,
13:17and Willie's supposed to report to take that test at 0800.
13:20Well, that knocks the bung out of the barrel.
13:22You can say that again.
13:23Now, wait a minute, Skip.
13:24I think I can carry the ball here.
13:25Now, if I can find Willie,
13:27I can teach him all I know about communications in 24 hours.
13:31Matter of fact, I can do it in 20 minutes.
13:33Thanks, Chuck.
13:34But that's not Willie's problem now.
13:36It's the state of mind he's in.
13:37In a word, effime.
13:40I hate to say anything, Skip, but that's two words.
13:42Oh, I know what you mean.
13:43Well, she must be a real doozy to top Cindy.
13:46Are you kidding?
13:48She's a big nothing.
13:49Wait a minute.
13:50Excuse me.
13:51Willie threw this away when he got that letter.
13:54Oh, so that's if you may, huh?
13:55Yeah.
13:57Boy, no wonder he didn't go for Cindy.
13:59She was wearing shoes.
14:00Yeah.
14:02Hey, that's it.
14:03Yeah.
14:04That's what?
14:05Well, look, all Willie saw in Cindy was a nurse in a hospital.
14:09But supposing he was to see her dressed up like this,
14:12without them shoes,
14:13and surrounded by a bunch of her mountain kinfolk.
14:16Now, that might sure shake up his chitlins.
14:18Hey, that's the best darn idea you come up with yet.
14:21Neighbors, we're going to have us a real old mountain hoedown.
14:26Hello, boy.
14:27Hey, you guys, where are you?
14:43Critters, Paul.
15:00Present, Chug.
15:03New Billy detail ready for inspection, Skip.
15:05And the Dogpatch Volunteer Brigade, I do believe.
15:10As you were, you bunch of varmints.
15:12Hey, Skip, ain't we a caution?
15:14How do we look, Skip?
15:17Oh, boy.
15:18Yeah.
15:20Hey, where'd you get that mountain greenery, boy?
15:22Just use the old group of genius and the stuff us out of a mattress.
15:24Oh, you pickers are sure going all out.
15:27Anything I can do to help?
15:28We already have.
15:30Where's your mattress, neighbor?
15:31Ain't no kidding.
15:34You guys sure did a great job.
15:36If this doesn't snap Willie out of it, nothing will.
15:43Howdy, Gita-san.
15:45Oh, no, Japanese hillbillies.
15:47Where are you from, the south of Tokyo?
15:49How so?
15:50Bye, Clucky.
15:50Bye, baby.
15:59Bye, baby.
15:59Bye, baby.
16:01Howdy, neighbor.
16:07It's funnin' time.
16:08Ain't no time for studyin'.
16:11Ah, darn.
16:12Well, what's goin' on?
16:13Hey, well, you know that little nurse Cindy over at the main base?
16:16Yeah, what about her?
16:17She's a chick from down your way, in Rio Lowson for the how-many-grid country.
16:21Uh, you see, she's feelin' rather poorly,
16:24so we thought we'd give her one of them dadgum hoedowns.
16:27Kinda livin' up her vittles, you know what I mean?
16:29Well, we thought it would be my neighborly if you'd mosey along with us.
16:33Well, sure, I'll help out.
16:35But I swear, I ain't never heard nobody talk like that in my whole life.
16:41Hey, fellas, skipper's coming with girls.
16:44Let's go, neighbor-san.
16:46Oh, boy.
16:53Come right this way, ladies.
16:55Ladies, may I present to you the shore patrol of the Confederate Navy.
17:00We're mountain men without a care.
17:07Our beards are long and our feet are bare.
17:11We patch our britches when they tear.
17:16And likewise with our underwear.
17:20We do what comes naturally.
17:23We toad our jugs when we put to sea.
17:26There's nothing like us in the whole Navy.
17:31The hillbillies of the 73.
17:36Boys, say howdy to our guest of honor, Miss Cindy Bates.
17:42Howdy, ma'am.
17:44Hey, Willie, step up here and welcome a homesick Tennessee gal, will ya?
17:52Proud to have you aboard, Miss Cindy.
17:54Howdy, sugar.
17:55I'm begging you pardon, sir.
18:02Something must be going on over there at McHale's Island.
18:05I feel it in my bones.
18:06It's the same feeling I always get when there's trouble brewing.
18:09Your bones are right, sir.
18:09We do have trouble.
18:10It's Congressman Joyner.
18:12He's here, sir.
18:13What?
18:13Well, that's not possible.
18:14They're not due here until next week.
18:16They've just landed, sir.
18:17He and Captain Dryden are on their way here right now.
18:19Oh, for heaven's sake.
18:20Take that glass.
18:20Yes.
18:21Oh, sir, sir.
18:22Can't you do anything right to have any idea of that?
18:25Oh, sir.
18:26Oh, sir.
18:27Ah, afternoon, Binghamton.
18:29Captain Downs, sir.
18:30Ah, Captain Dryden, Captain Dryden.
18:31Well, I'll go aboard, Captain Dryden.
18:32Now, where's the congressman?
18:34He's outside inspecting your base.
18:36Oh, already he's inspecting the base.
18:38Never too early, never too late for the man with a hatchet.
18:40He likes to catch people off guard.
18:43That's why we're a little ahead of schedule.
18:44Oh, I'll be back in a minute.
18:46I want to radio the admiral that we've arrived safely.
18:49Oh, uh, yes.
18:51Uh, you'd better order your gig.
18:53The congressman has heard about Commander McHale's outstanding combat record.
18:57He wants especially to see his unit.
19:00Oh, no.
19:05Not McHale.
19:07I'll bet you could just scream, sir.
19:09Like a banshee, I could scream.
19:11You bring them over in my gig, I'll go on ahead and I'll warn McHale that he and his cutthroats had better be on the ball.
19:17Oh, and put those away before you kill somebody.
19:20Golly, Miss Cindy, seems like every time we change partners, I wind up with you.
19:43Well, now, you ain't complaining, are you, Willie?
19:45Oh, no, Skip.
19:46I like it.
19:47I got a complaint, Skip.
19:49Every time I wind up with Gruber.
19:51And he's too tall for me.
19:53Well, I'm afraid you're stuck with him now, Chuckie.
19:56Everybody keeps his partner for the box supper.
19:59Yeah, now, it's just like back home, isn't it, Willie?
20:02Yes, ma'am.
20:04Tell you what, neighbor.
20:05You mostly on down to see how the hobjowls and the greens are coming.
20:09And I'll have a gal for you by the time you get back.
20:11Okay?
20:12Well, I reckon that sounds might pleasurable.
20:14I mean, I like it, Skip.
20:15All right, let's get this hoe down and roll it.
20:20Let's go.
20:21Oh, what is the blue Pacific?
20:34I don't believe this.
20:37Howdy, neighbor.
20:38Howdy.
20:40What do you mean, howdy?
20:41Who the devil are you?
20:42Who, who, who?
20:44Well, now, I swear, and if you don't remind me of little old hootie album back home.
20:48Well, so long, sonny.
20:51I don't know where my message is.
20:55Uh-huh.
20:56Ah, just as I thought.
20:59Parker.
21:00Well, uh, hi there.
21:02Hi there, don't you.
21:02Hi there, may you start talking, start talking fast.
21:05Well, uh, you see, neighbor.
21:07Uh, Captain.
21:08Hangumton?
21:09Is that you, Captain?
21:11Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
21:16Oh, Congress 알아.
21:18Welcome aboard.
21:18I'm Captain Bington.
21:20Who's that?
21:21Uh, who's who.
21:24Vincent Parker, Executive Officer, PT73.
21:27What kind of a base are you running here?
21:29Oh, yeah, well, he's, uh, he's, uh, he's dressed for a commando rage.
21:33At night, they wear different disguise, as confused as the enemy.
21:36I see how all of it works.
21:37I can see you're confused.
21:38We're very confusing outfits.
21:40Yeah.
21:40Yeah.
21:40Oh, no.
22:03Well, I think you owe the congressman an explanation.
22:07I'm just as shocked by this whole thing as you are, sir.
22:11There's the man that's responsible for this outrage.
22:14McHale, come over here.
22:19What's the meaning of having these men dress up like a bunch of stupid hillbillies?
22:24Well, sir, just one little minute, sir.
22:27It so happens that I represent the glorious state of Tennessee.
22:31And some of my most loyal constituents live in those hills, sir.
22:37Also, I crocky.
22:39Now, this is a happy coincidence, sir.
22:44This hoedown that we're having is really a going away party for one of your Tennessee boys.
22:50Yes, sir.
22:51Ready, man, Moss?
22:52Step forward here and shake hands with your congressman, son.
22:56I'm proud to know you, son.
22:58Proud?
22:59Now, what's all this about you going away somewhere?
23:01Well, you'll have to excuse him, sir.
23:03He don't really want to talk about it.
23:05You see, the captain is shipping him out.
23:09Shipping him out?
23:10What for?
23:11Trying to get rid of another of those stupid hillbillies you dislike so, sir?
23:16I know, congressman.
23:19No, this is all of my misunderstandings.
23:21Now, this dear boy, congressman, he made a little mistake sending a radio message.
23:25Now, that could happen to anybody.
23:26Even a northerner.
23:27I mean, he's a fine boy.
23:29Fine, fine boy.
23:31Well, sir, let's not stand here twiddling.
23:34Let's get this hoedown started.
23:37Gentlemen, by order of congress, start the music.
23:41Come on, let me get in there.
23:43I'm from you, congressman.
23:47Ma'am, if you do me the very great honor.
23:50Congressman, you just got yourself a write-in vote from New Jersey.
24:11Well, you go right ahead, neighbor.
24:23Come on, let me get in there.
24:53Come on, let me get in there.
25:23Come on, let me get in there.
25:28Come on, let me take it.
25:28Come on, let me get in there.
25:29Come on, let me get in there.
25:31See you next time.
25:32Bye.
25:39Bye.
25:40Bye.
25:41Bye.
25:49Bye.
25:50Bye.
25:51Bye.
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