- 3 months ago
McHale and the crew must help Christy get married to Lt. Gloria Winters despite regulations against an officer marrying. McHale, Molly, and the crew devise a scheme involving trickery to orchestrate the wedding for the couple.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00The End
00:30The End
01:00It's almost impossible
01:00But, Quint, we've got to try something
01:03Ah, believe me, honey
01:05Ah, the Japanese are more on your side than Binghamton
01:08Well, I've got a chance anyway, Skip
01:09Oh, now, wait a minute now, Kristen
01:11Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, whoa, whoa
01:13Oh, help
01:17Oh, now
01:25Oh, my God.
01:55What's going on, McHale? What are you doing here, Lieutenant?
01:58Well, Lieutenant Winter is just helping out, sir.
02:00My boy Christy here isn't feeling too well.
02:04I think he's got a kind of a pain in his stomach, sir.
02:07Yes, sir.
02:07I just happened to be passing by and offered my assistance.
02:10Yes.
02:11Are you sure there's no hanky-panky going on here, McHale?
02:15I've had a report that one of your saltwater Romeos has been hanging around the nurses' quarters.
02:21Oh, no.
02:23Hanky-panky with my men?
02:25With the nurses? Why, that's impossible, sir.
02:27I'm sure the thought never even entered their mind.
02:30Let me see your tongue.
02:33He doesn't look very sick to me.
02:35Oh, well, take my word for it, Captain. He is.
02:38Why, if you'd heard him a couple of minutes ago, even you would agree he was out of his mind.
02:41Yes, sir.
02:41I'll do what you can for him. If he gets any worse, but he's sick.
02:44Yes, sir.
02:45Very odd.
02:45Yes, sir.
02:46Bye-bye, Captain. Bye.
02:51That was close.
02:53Come on.
02:54Now, listen, you two, you behave yourselves, and I'll see what I can do.
02:57Oh, thank you.
02:58You mean you'll talk to the Captain for me?
02:59Are you still out of your mind? Of course I won't go to Binghamton.
03:02We'll just have to figure out something.
03:04Now, come on, Christy. Let's get going.
03:06I wonder what kind of medal you get for seeing that kind of action.
03:19Anything yet, Skip?
03:20I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
03:23Hey, Skip, I got it.
03:25What?
03:26Here, shoot me.
03:27What?
03:28In the leg.
03:29Look, then that way I can get shipped back to the States, and while I'm recuperating, Gloria and I can get married.
03:34Go all that stuff, will you, mister?
03:36You want to secure what bird brains you do have?
03:38We've got to figure this thing out.
03:39Yeah, but how? Everything's against us.
03:41Well, we've broken rules and regulations before.
03:44We can, there's a way to beat this one, too.
03:52Hey, that's it. The Padre.
03:54The Padre?
03:55Yeah, Father Nelson. He's a missionary. He used to try to save my soul every so often.
03:59He has a mission over on Kuwakai about a hundred miles from here.
04:03You know something?
04:04I could sneak you and Gloria over there tomorrow night, get your hitch, and have you back here by dawn.
04:09Oh, Skip, could you? Would you?
04:11Why, we'll name our first kid after you.
04:13What?
04:14Well, that's after we have one.
04:15Oh, couldn't this be beautiful?
04:21Wouldn't old brass embrace really bust a guss in it for you?
04:25We'll do it, boy!
04:28Only, it's got to be kept a secret, see?
04:30Nobody else can know, but nobody.
04:32I can tell Gloria, can't I?
04:34Well, of course you can, nitwit.
04:36But nobody else, or that ball and chain you're after, will wind up around your neck.
04:41Oh, yes, sir. I won't tell a soul.
04:42Yeah, good boy.
04:43All right, now, uh, beat it, will you, kid?
04:45I got a costa chart.
04:46On the sea of matrimony.
04:48Okay, Fuji, baby, deal him.
04:53Yeah, from the top this time, huh?
04:55Hey, Groove, how much do you rate your iron?
04:56Same as always.
04:57Buck for the iron, 50 cents for the cord.
04:59Oh, come on, Groove, now look at this, it's urgent.
05:01I'm losing money, and he says it's urgent.
05:03What's so urgent?
05:04Oh, I've got to press my whites, that's all.
05:06Uh-huh.
05:07Something's up I don't know about.
05:09Now, give or no iron.
05:10No, please.
05:12Give.
05:15Watch my hand, Fuji.
05:18Now, look, I'm not supposed to say anything,
05:20but Gloria and I are going to get married tomorrow,
05:23but it's got to be kept quiet.
05:24You're kidding?
05:25No, no, no, no, honest.
05:27The skipper's going to fix it.
05:28But please don't tell anybody, okay?
05:31Of course not.
05:32Hey, you guys, it's hush-hush,
05:34but Krista here is getting hitched tomorrow.
05:40Now, look, I'll dig a wedding prodigy,
05:41figure on having cater.
05:42They used to be a matrimony, do you know?
05:43Now, look, they get a deluxe dinner,
05:45it'll say five bucks a man.
05:46Food, go out and swipe some chicken somewhere, baby.
05:48Now, wait a minute.
05:49Look, it's just supposed to be me,
05:50Gloria, and the skipper, of course.
05:51You mean we're not invited?
05:52You're getting married without us?
05:54Uh...
05:54Gentlemen, I'm crushed.
05:56Well, gee, fellas,
05:57it's not that I don't want you there.
05:58You wouldn't be getting married
05:59if it wasn't for me.
06:00Who introduced you to Gloria?
06:02Well, you did, but you had to.
06:03You were stuck with two dates.
06:04Who delivered your love notes?
06:05And who sold you those bracelets you gave Gloria?
06:08Oh, boy, is the skipper going to blow his stack?
06:10Oh, Krista, you got nothing to worry about.
06:12It's just going to be the immediate crew.
06:13Your body!
06:15Oh, gee, baby,
06:15we got a menu to prepare.
06:17Willie!
06:17Check.
06:18I grew up a batch of the best champagne
06:19you ever tasted.
06:20Hey, what year should I make it?
06:22Like in 1902.
06:23That was a pretty good year.
06:24And look, don't spare the bubbles.
06:25Check.
06:26Happy?
06:26Yeah.
06:27See if the gentleman's wardrobe
06:27is neatly pressed
06:28and give him a good special job
06:29as a dear friend of mine.
06:30Check.
06:31And don't forget
06:31the wholesale rate.
06:32Gotcha.
06:33Oh,
06:34about the floral arrangements.
06:36And reasonable prices, of course.
06:38Surely you want a bridal bouquet,
06:39flowers for the table,
06:40boutonnieres for the gentleman,
06:41corsages for the young lady, right?
06:45Hi, Skip.
06:47Hi.
06:48Say, do you have any idea
06:49what all the excitement's about?
06:51Uh-huh.
06:52All the preparations going on out there.
06:56Ah, who knows?
06:57It could be Gruber throwing one of his shindigs.
07:00It could be his June celebration of July 4th.
07:02With a wedding cake?
07:08It is a salute to June brides.
07:11Did you say wedding cake?
07:13Yeah.
07:14Real beauty, too.
07:15What do you think?
07:16A wedding cake?
07:17Yeah.
07:21Hey.
07:28Fuji?
07:29What a blaze is going on here.
07:31Hey, what's a wedding cake for?
07:32For a wedding party.
07:33What else?
07:34It's not about Mitzvah.
07:36Wedding party?
07:36Who said anything about having a wedding party?
07:38No, you're not.
07:39Mitzki passant.
07:40I only work here.
07:41He's a caterer.
07:43Gruber?
07:44Hey, I don't understand.
07:45Who?
07:45Hey, who's getting married?
07:47Who said there'd be a wedding party?
07:49Well, Christy told me
07:50you were helping him get married, so...
07:51You mean Christy's getting married?
07:52Hey, who's he getting married to?
07:53And you decided to make a fast buck
07:55by turning in an located affair, huh?
07:56Oh, no, Skipper.
07:57This may be hard to believe
07:58when I'm doing it at cost.
07:59I'll be lucky if I break even.
08:00Gruber, I'm putting you on notice right now.
08:02There'll be no wedding party.
08:04Oh, but Skipper...
08:05Will somebody please tell me
08:06who Christy's getting married to?
08:08Gloria Winters!
08:09Now, you listen to Gloria Winters.
08:11You mean Lieutenant Winters?
08:12You get married to an officer?
08:14Yes!
08:14Now, listen.
08:15The captain's orders
08:15and naval regulations
08:16specifically...
08:18Oh, come on, Charlie.
08:19We've been through all that.
08:20Now, we haven't gone by the books so far.
08:22There's no reason to do it now, is there?
08:23Well, why don't we ever try?
08:25Then why can't we have a wedding party?
08:26We'll keep it quiet
08:27and it'll make the kids real happy.
08:29And you richer!
08:29Oh, come on, Skipper.
08:31We can't let Christy get married
08:32without having his crew buddies there.
08:33Well, it'd be like
08:34not letting a guy's family
08:35come to his own wedding.
08:43Well, I guess you guys
08:45have been through too much together
08:46to be shut out now.
08:48Okay.
08:49But everything is to be at cost,
08:51understand?
08:51No profit.
08:52And you've got to keep it quiet.
08:54There'll only be Gloria
08:55and Christy
08:56and the immediate crew.
08:58And nobody else.
08:59You understand?
09:01Nobody else.
09:02No, no, no.
09:04Absolutely not.
09:06We will not have any ushers
09:07at this wedding.
09:08Molly,
09:09you're Gloria's commanding officer
09:10and so I agree
09:11that you could be
09:12the maid of honor.
09:12But we will positively
09:14not have any ushers.
09:16But, Quint,
09:17the only way I could get
09:17the boys in the supply room
09:19to make the wedding dress
09:20was to invite them.
09:21Supply?
09:21Wedding dress?
09:22Besides,
09:23who's going to walk
09:23down the aisle
09:24with a bridesmaid?
09:26What bridesmaids?
09:28Well, Skipper,
09:29you said it was all right
09:30if I had my immediate crew
09:31and, well,
09:31it's only fair
09:32that Gloria has hers.
09:33After all, Quint,
09:35how many times
09:36does a girl get married?
09:37Well, at the rate
09:38we're going,
09:39she won't even be married once
09:40if Binghamton finds out.
09:41I just spotted a boat
09:42coming this way
09:43from Tarantula.
09:43Oh, if it's Binghamton
09:44then we're dead.
09:45What do we do?
09:45We could invite him
09:46to the wedding.
09:47It might make him feel wanted.
09:51Lieutenant Harris
09:52is pulling in, Skipper.
09:53Lieutenant Harris,
09:54you sure it isn't
09:54Binghamton?
09:55Oh, positive, sir.
09:56Boy, I've heard
09:56a wedding's being nervous
09:57but this is ridiculous.
09:59Get rid of him,
09:59get rid of him
10:00and tell him anything
10:00but don't let him see anything.
10:01Oh, don't worry, Skipper,
10:02he knows all about it.
10:03Good, good.
10:04Hey, what?
10:05How did he find out?
10:06But we had to invite him
10:07the way the guest list
10:08has been grown
10:08and we need another boat.
10:10We're getting
10:11a regular wedding procession here.
10:13When do we rendezvous
10:13with the rest of the fleet?
10:16Rest of the fleet?
10:17Hey, what a catered affair
10:19that would make
10:20at five bucks a head.
10:22Howdy, here, you.
10:24Hi, Commander.
10:26Hello, Harris.
10:28I just wanted to find out
10:29where you want my boat
10:30to rendezvous
10:30with yours tonight, sir.
10:33Well, why don't you
10:33pull it up
10:34behind the aircraft carriers
10:35and the battle wagons
10:36that I'm expecting?
10:36Oh, here.
10:40Here's where we're going.
10:42To a little island
10:42called Kuakai.
10:44Kuakai.
10:51Kuakai.
10:52the rex and tower or joyいく through
10:56okay
11:08there that should do it
11:10and why can't glory and model a round dress
11:13you know she only has a little time left to spend with christy
11:16And you're the only other size 8 available.
11:19Now, straighten up.
11:28Be happy when you look at that.
11:31Ain't she beautiful?
11:32Gorgeous.
11:33A sight to behold.
11:35Why, she has everything a man could ask for.
11:37Yeah.
11:38Muscles, a beard, a chest full of hair.
11:43Very funny.
11:45Go on, beat it, you guys.
11:46Come on, Virg.
11:47If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a dame like that who plays hard to get.
11:54Come on, Tinker.
11:55Turn around and let me finish the back.
11:56Come on.
12:16Guys, we're in dresses.
12:30High rags, keep us out.
12:31Oh, well, take it easy with the icing, will you?
12:36Man, need another boat just to carry the cake.
12:39Ruby, are you sure you don't have more people coming?
12:41Oh, no, it's a closed affair now.
12:43Honest.
12:44Forty-two people.
12:45And that includes the bride and groom.
12:46Well, I'm glad you were able to squeeze them in.
12:49Wouldn't seem like a wedding without them now, would it?
12:52You've got nothing to worry about.
12:53From here on in, everything's a breeze.
12:55An easy breeze.
12:56Come out of chaos.
12:57Come out of chaos.
12:58I just spotted Binghamton's boat coming, and this time it really is here.
13:00Binghamton.
13:01Holy mackerel.
13:02Binghamton's coming.
13:03Condition red.
13:04Come on.
13:05Okay.
13:06Okay, then go.
13:08Condition red.
13:09He's left the captain.
13:10The captain.
13:11Come on.
13:12Captain.
13:13Captain.
13:13Hey, for heaven's sake.
13:15What's the matter with you?
13:15What do you want us to do?
13:16Out of here with those flowers.
13:18Come on.
13:18The dress is my friend.
13:19I don't get it.
13:20How did Binghamton find out?
13:21Are you kidding?
13:22You did everything to advertise this wedding, but got a radio commercial.
13:25Get out of here.
13:26Tinker, you bird brain.
13:28Get out of that dress, will you?
13:29Come on.
13:30Will you move?
13:30Go on, man.
13:32Oh, Christy, for the love of Mike, will you wipe off that lipstick?
13:35Get Molly and Gloria out of here.
13:37Quick.
13:37In the heart.
13:37Hurry up.
13:38Come on.
13:39What do you want to be the whiskey, boss?
13:40I tail it for the hills and then take that blasted cupcake, will you?
13:44Hurry up.
13:45Come on, will you?
13:47Christy.
13:55Oh, over there.
13:58Ah, hi, Captain.
13:59Ah, well, welcome aboard, sir.
14:03Well, welcome aboard.
14:04Okay, what's going on?
14:06Well, what makes you think anything's going on, sir?
14:09McHale, when I see that nothing is going on here, that's when I'm sure that something
14:14is going on here.
14:16Oh.
14:16Well, where is everybody?
14:20Well, the men are pretty busy, sir.
14:23They're checking their supply.
14:24Keep out of this.
14:26Well, would you care to step into my hut, sir?
14:28The spider to the fly.
14:30Oh, no, McHale.
14:31If you want me in there, it's because you don't want me out here.
14:34Oh?
14:34Oh, so out here's where I intend to stay.
14:37In fact, I think I'll just do a little looking around.
14:40Oh.
14:44But I'll die of suffocation.
14:45Well, it's fine in the firing squad.
14:47Don't worry, honey.
14:48I'll leave it open for you to breathe through.
14:50Somebody help me.
14:50I'm stuck.
14:52You are your size eight.
14:53Why don't you get yourself a gun?
14:54Quick, ladies and boys.
14:56Oh, not you.
14:58Never mind.
14:59Now get me out of here.
15:00Oh, too late.
15:01McHale, somehow you always manage to clear the deck just in time.
15:09Oh.
15:23What in the Blue Pacific is going on in here?
15:26What are they doing with these dresses?
15:28Well, you see, sir, they're preparing a show that the special service officer's putting
15:34on.
15:34Yes, sir.
15:35Special service officer?
15:37Yes, sir.
15:38Anson Parker.
15:39He's our special service officer.
15:41And he's a wizard in stuff, sir.
15:43A regular Ziegfeld.
15:46Isn't that right, mister?
15:47I am.
15:48I mean, I am.
15:49Yes.
15:50Oh, they all call me Ziggy.
15:52All right, now, girls, or guys, now, let's suit up and show the captain what we've all
15:58learned.
15:59Let's go, Ziggy.
16:01One, two, three, and.
16:08Cut it out.
16:10Keep your heads high.
16:12I said cut it out.
16:14He said cut it out.
16:15Oh, shut up.
16:16Oh, well, it seems that the captain can't stay for the whole rehearsal, man.
16:21Captain, would you like to come down to Mess Hut and have a nice spot of coffee, sir?
16:24I don't want any coffee.
16:25You take your hands off me.
16:29How's bunk it, sirs?
16:30Oh, it's mine, sir.
16:32Now, keep your sea bag under your bunk, sailor.
16:35Somebody's liable to trip on it this way.
16:36Oh!
16:36What was that?
16:40Oh, well, that was me, sir.
16:41I still have that pain in my stomach, sir.
16:43You still got that pain?
16:45I'll see Lieutenant Winters about it.
16:47She'll give you something for it.
16:49Oh, McHale.
16:50Yes, sir.
16:50I almost forgot why I came over here.
16:52There's been so much confusion.
16:53Yes, sir.
16:54I have a little invitation for you.
16:56Oh?
16:57I'm planning some exercises for tonight for the entire PT squadron.
17:02Huh?
17:02That's not bothering you.
17:04Tonight?
17:05Yes, tonight.
17:06That is, if you don't have any other plans here.
17:09Oh, no, sir.
17:10No, sir.
17:11I will wear entirely at your disposal.
17:13Yes, sir.
17:13That's very nice of you, McHale.
17:15I appreciate that.
17:17I won't take up any more of your time.
17:20They need all the rehearsal they can get.
17:22Yes, sir.
17:23Rehearsal.
17:23Rehearsal.
17:25That's settled then, is it, McHale?
17:27I'll see you in the Rockettes at 2100 hours.
17:302100.
17:31Yes, sir.
17:32Bye-bye, sir.
17:32Bye.
17:33Bye.
17:34Bye.
17:34Skipper, does that mean the wedding's off?
17:38As off as it can get, Christy.
17:40I'm sorry, but, well, we almost made it.
17:44Hey, let me out of here.
17:46Oh, he smoked it.
17:47We got the girls.
17:48Come on, Molly.
17:50There you are.
17:51Why that?
17:52Kicking a woman when she's down, too.
17:55Here, honey.
17:55All right, put your feet down.
17:56Honey, we can't get married.
18:02Oh, Chris.
18:05Hold back the ocean, girl.
18:06We're not giving up the ship that fast.
18:08Yeah, I'm afraid we're licked this time, Molly.
18:10Not yet we aren't.
18:12I think I've got an idea that can put old Binghamton on the rocks.
18:15Honey, you get the captain out of the way and say help me, or I'll kiss you.
18:19Well, that's all right for openers.
18:23And the boats, boys.
18:24I've got to get back to my battle station.
18:25Ha, ha.
18:26Come on.
18:27Come on.
18:29I don't understand this.
18:34Why all of a sudden do I have to have a checkup?
18:37Orders, Captain.
18:38Comfite just sent down a request for immediate medical reports on all commanding officers.
18:43Oh, it's 103, sir.
18:45103?
18:46That's ridiculous.
18:46I don't have any fever.
18:48I don't.
18:48Undoubtedly due to fatigue.
18:50Mental stress.
18:52Undoubtedly.
18:53But I feel fine.
18:55Sorry, Captain.
18:56I'm afraid you're going to have to stay in the hospital for tonight.
18:58Or I tell the Admiral.
19:00I plan some exercises for tonight.
19:03You're not exercising tonight.
19:05You're resting.
19:06You'll just have to cancel your plans.
19:10Now, I'll give you a little something that'll help you sleep,
19:13and the medical officer can give you a thorough exam in the morning.
19:16I don't want that.
19:16Couldn't I just send my old x-rays over or something?
19:19Uh-uh.
19:20The Admiral wouldn't like that.
19:22Now, be a good captain.
19:24And lie down.
19:25And turn over.
19:31I could just scream.
19:33My golly, Molly, you really did it, honey.
19:50You really did it.
19:51Are you sure the captain's out, Commander?
19:53When I left, he was sleeping like a baby.
19:56Well, Quint, how about paying me off?
20:02Well, well, uh, later, Molly.
20:04Later.
20:04The company's watching.
20:08I sure hope the Padre will agree to marry us.
20:11Honey, don't worry.
20:12We're on our way.
20:13Nothing can stop us now.
20:15We're on our way.
20:45We're on our way.
21:15We're on our way.
21:28Wakumba!
21:29Wakumba!
21:30How are you, Padre?
21:31Good to see you.
21:33Thank heaven.
21:34I don't use that word loosely.
21:37It's a blessing to see you.
21:38If you hadn't shown up,
21:39those Japanese would have found us sooner or later.
21:41Japanese here?
21:42Where, Padre?
21:43Oh, they've gone now.
21:44Your boat's frightened them off.
21:45Oh, good.
21:46How many of you are there?
21:47Well, including a bride and groom, about 40.
21:49Bride and groom.
21:51That's funny.
21:52For a minute, I thought you said something about a bride and groom.
21:55Well, I did, Padre.
21:56You see, we kind of combined a landing party with a wedding party.
22:01Almost like killing two birds with one stone.
22:03Huh?
22:04I don't understand.
22:05Well, come on along and I'll explain it to you.
22:07And with the power vested in me,
22:12I now pronounce you man and wife.
22:24Hey, that's our own fleet!
22:26Now, now, come on, you guys!
22:27Hey, we're the Japs!
22:29Come on, let's get out of here!
22:31Let's go!
22:31Let's go!
23:01Yes, I'm up.
23:03I told that boy you should do something about that pain.
23:06Well, it's being taken care of, sir, yes.
23:08The lieutenant just walked me.
23:10It's a signal from Conflict about what happened at Kuokai.
23:13Oh?
23:13What happened at Kuokai?
23:15You know darn well what happened at Kuokai.
23:18The admiral sent me a commendation.
23:21Commendation, sir?
23:22That's right.
23:23Nice work, McHale.
23:25Oh, well, thank you, sir.
23:27There's only one thing puzzles me.
23:29How did you know there were Japanese way out there?
23:33Uh, uh, Japanese.
23:37Oh, well, you know me, sir.
23:39Oh, well, yeah.
23:40Uh, I can smell rice a hundred miles away.
23:42Yes, sir.
23:43Well, you've got some in your hair.
23:47Oh, well, uh, they were eating when we jumped them.
23:50Yes, sir.
23:51Yes.
23:52Well, now you go ahead and get a good night's rest, sir.
23:54Yes, I need it.
23:55I don't understand it.
23:57My health has just gone to pieces all of a sudden.
24:00Nighty-night, Captain.
24:01Nighty-night.
24:02Nighty-night, sir.
24:08Well?
24:09Well, it isn't Niagara Falls, but a honeymoon's a honeymoon.
24:12Oh, well, quit.
24:21No company now.
24:23No company now.
24:51Nighty-night, sir.
25:20You
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