- 3 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Let's move on.
00:03And Donovan, I know that you and Cleo had some words
00:05about how much time you've been spending in the library,
00:07so you want to talk about that?
00:08Yes. Cleo's been real supportive lately.
00:11He knows that I have to get my law degree
00:13so I can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt
00:15that I'm innocent.
00:16They have you on videotapes stabbing three people
00:18in a Relax the Backstore.
00:21I ain't say it was gonna be easy.
00:25Well, Cleo, I know you were angry
00:26about not spending enough time with Donovan.
00:28You want to tell us why you were able to let that go?
00:30I don't want to, but I have to.
00:36Donovan, you know how we said
00:39that if one of us gets out before the other
00:41that we would kill ourselves?
00:44I'd like to revisit that.
00:48What?
00:50I'm getting out today.
00:52I got a letter last week,
00:54something about prison overcrowding.
00:55What?
00:56You knew for a week?
00:59Donovan, Donovan.
01:00You're obviously hurt.
01:01You need to express to Cleo
01:03how that makes you feel.
01:04Otherwise,
01:04otherwise, hurt turns to anger,
01:06anger turns to rage,
01:07and rage turns to...
01:07Holy crap!
01:10No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
01:11I got this, I got this, I got this.
01:13Donovan, Donovan.
01:14Why did you tell me?
01:16I thought you might get mad.
01:17Well, he did kill three people
01:18over a back pillow,
01:19so good call.
01:20I'm so sorry, monster.
01:23No, I'm not your monster anymore.
01:27You broke my heart, Cleo.
01:30I could have traded you for Jell-O,
01:32and I didn't.
01:35Here you go, bro.
01:40How about now?
01:41Now's good.
01:41Okay, I know it goes without saying,
01:46but I'm gonna go ahead and say it.
01:49We never hand the angry man
01:50a second chair.
02:00Now remember,
02:01when you approach the dish,
02:02you gotta do something
02:02to distract the picture.
02:04Wink at her,
02:04like maybe you know something
02:05she doesn't.
02:06Like, this generation
02:08will be the first
02:08to do worse than their parents,
02:09and we're all doomed for failure?
02:10Okay?
02:12Just try to hit the ball
02:12and have fun.
02:15This tournament's making me nuts.
02:17I don't even know
02:18how Sam's gonna deal
02:19with the bus ride there
02:20with her OCD and everything.
02:21She's terrified
02:22of truck stop bathrooms.
02:24Hey, I want my teenage daughter
02:25terrified of truck stop bathrooms.
02:27Good point.
02:29Hey, while we have a second,
02:30will you look at something?
02:32It's a new business
02:33I'm looking into.
02:36Green Goddesses?
02:37It's a maid service franchise
02:39that hires hot maids
02:40and only uses green products.
02:43Hot maids?
02:44Where are you gonna find
02:45beautiful women
02:45who want to clean toilets?
02:47Men have been looking for that
02:47for thousands of years.
02:49They help you.
02:50You give Green Goddesses
02:52$10,000,
02:53and they give you
02:53the logo,
02:54the cleaning supplies,
02:55and the short skirts.
02:56It's a no-brainer.
02:58So, for $10,000,
02:59you get Lysol
03:00and a logo of a dolphin
03:01with tits and a mop.
03:02Okay, first of all,
03:05it's a mermaid
03:06with an eco-friendly dolphin's head.
03:09And why do you have to be so negative?
03:12Remember Downward Dog?
03:14The yoga studio?
03:16For dogs?
03:22Cleo,
03:23it's Derek on the outside.
03:25Hey, I don't think we've met.
03:27This is Derek,
03:28old ball player buddy.
03:29This is my ex-wife, Jennifer.
03:31Hey.
03:32Hi.
03:32Why would you ask this?
03:34Well, who says it was his idea?
03:37I don't recognize you.
03:39Where did you and Charlie play?
03:40Yeah, he played at Akron.
03:41Hell of a ball player.
03:43Switch hitter.
03:46Come, let's go to the bus.
03:48We're gonna be late.
03:49All right.
03:50Bye, kiddo.
03:51Bye.
03:52Nice meeting you.
03:57What the hell are you doing here?
03:58I went to see my wife.
04:00Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
04:01You have a wife?
04:01I'm PG, man.
04:04Prison gay.
04:05What happens in jail stays in jail?
04:07So, so what happened with your wife?
04:09She said she was gonna wait for me,
04:11but there's a jack-in-the-box
04:12where my house was.
04:13She moved to San Diego
04:14with some Chinese guy
04:14and they got three kids.
04:17And a damn dog named Cleo.
04:22Wow, that's, that, that,
04:23that really sucks.
04:24So, uh,
04:28can I get you some water
04:29or something?
04:31You know why I'm here.
04:33For water?
04:35My parole officer said
04:36if I don't find an address
04:37by tonight,
04:38I gotta go to a county facility.
04:40I need a place to stay.
04:42Look, look, Derek,
04:43I would love to help you,
04:44but I gotta keep our relationship
04:45strictly professional.
04:47But if you want to come here
04:48for anger therapy classes,
04:50I'd be more than happy to do that.
04:51When's the next session?
04:52Uh, tomorrow, 2 p.m.
04:54Great!
04:55I'm gonna wait on the couch.
05:01Everybody, this is Derek.
05:03And Derek is a former member
05:04of my prison group.
05:05I want to remind you all
05:06that, as always,
05:07everyone's private life
05:08is confidential.
05:09Nothing leaves this room.
05:10Unless he steals it.
05:14Okay, let's just pick up
05:16where we left off last time.
05:17Patrick?
05:18Right, so,
05:19I was at this restaurant
05:20having dinner with a friend
05:22and this prick next to me
05:23says that I'm too loud
05:24and threatens to call the manager.
05:26I-I got something like that.
05:28I shared a cell
05:28with a Russian gangster
05:29and he said I talk too loud
05:30and if I didn't stop,
05:32he'd tie my balls around my neck.
05:36He called it a Moscow bow tie.
05:43Look how much
05:43we all have in common.
05:47And what happened, Patrick?
05:48Never mind.
05:50Lazy, how are things
05:53going with your mom?
05:54She's insane.
05:55If I want to keep
05:56getting my allowance,
05:57I have to get a job.
05:58I thought parents
05:59were supposed to fund you
06:00unconditionally.
06:01That's love you unconditionally.
06:03And only dogs do that.
06:05Well, she gives my dog
06:06an allowance too
06:06and he doesn't have to get a job.
06:09I fear you, girl.
06:10Mothers can be frustrated.
06:12Mine would burn me
06:12with cigarettes.
06:14You learn to stop
06:15reaching across the table
06:16for food real quick.
06:21And I'm guessing
06:22you're going to pass
06:23on the story
06:24about the gum wrappers?
06:25Uh, yeah.
06:30You know,
06:31Prison Break Jones
06:32over there
06:32is not the only guy
06:33who's had a tough life.
06:34I'm sorry,
06:35I forgot your name.
06:36My mother burned me too
06:37with unending,
06:40subtle critiques
06:41of my clothes.
06:43You may not see
06:44the scars through there.
06:46Well, I think we can
06:47all take a listen from this.
06:49When you think
06:49your problems are really big,
06:50remember,
06:51at least no one's tying
06:52your junk around your neck.
06:56Don't quote me on that.
07:01Hey, Derek.
07:02How you doing?
07:02Good.
07:03Good.
07:04Charlie's let me crash
07:05for a few days,
07:06so I thought I'd help out
07:07a little.
07:07Well, don't mind me.
07:08I'm just going to borrow
07:09Charlie's washing machine
07:10for a couple of loads.
07:11Mine keeps lighting up
07:12unbalanced.
07:13I think it's making fun of me.
07:17You know what?
07:18Let me get that for you.
07:19I'm doing Charlie's
07:20of mine anyway.
07:21Wow.
07:23Don't mind the granny panties
07:25are not mine.
07:25They just came with the basket.
07:28Uh, if your washing machine's broke,
07:30I'm pretty handy.
07:31I could take a look at it.
07:33Really?
07:33Yeah.
07:34Okay, that'd be great.
07:36That'd be amazing.
07:41Why is he doing it longer?
07:42Because he offered
07:44like a gentleman, Charlie.
07:46Is there a Mrs. Gentleman?
07:50Wow.
07:52Okay, I-I-I should probably
07:54tell you something about Derek.
07:55Not a ball player.
07:56He was a member of the prison group
07:57I volunteered with.
07:59You're kidding.
08:00Nope.
08:01Hardcore criminal,
08:0212 years behind bars,
08:03grand theft auto, repeat offender,
08:04the whole package.
08:05So he's good looking,
08:06not afraid of commitment,
08:07and always drives a nice new car?
08:11Don't go there, Jen.
08:13Pardon me?
08:14Don't get involved with this guy, Jen.
08:15Do you really think I'm dumb enough
08:17to date a felon?
08:18Why-why do you always second-guess
08:22everything I do?
08:24Are you sure you want to ask me that question?
08:26Why wouldn't I-
08:27Hey, quit it!
08:30As soon as you write my alimony check,
08:32give me some of that pizza,
08:34and he's done with my laundry,
08:35I'm out of here.
08:36I could take care of myself,
08:37you know?
08:38Uh, did you T-vote Project Romney for me?
08:41Yeah.
08:41I'm gonna go watch it.
08:49Hey.
08:50Hey.
08:52See that guy down there?
08:54It's my patient.
08:55Oh, is he the one that can't get mad?
08:57Yeah, we'll see.
08:59He thinks he's here
08:59because I'm setting him up on a date,
09:01but I want you to do everything you can
09:03to get him to the breaking point.
09:04How about I marry him?
09:06We're just trying to get him mad,
09:08not kill him.
09:15Oh, I'm so sorry.
09:20I hope those weren't your good clothes.
09:22No, uh,
09:23I'm meeting a girl,
09:24but it's okay.
09:25That was an honest mistake.
09:29Oops!
09:32That wasn't as honest.
09:36Maybe I'll just have nuts.
09:43Well, at least now you got something
09:45where yours ought to be.
09:48Hey, what's your name?
09:50And I feel bad that Jen walked away
09:54thinking I called her stupid.
09:56Do you think Jen's stupid?
09:57No, no.
09:58I mean, you and I, we have degrees,
10:00we read books,
10:01we're academic smart.
10:04Jen is more...
10:05I'm going up the down escalator.
10:07I'm not getting anywhere,
10:08so I should probably turn around.
10:09Smart.
10:10You know, you might want to get down
10:13off your high horse there
10:14for a minute, buddy.
10:16I know Jennifer,
10:17and while she's no Rhodes Scholar,
10:19she's probably smarter than you are
10:21in a lot of ways.
10:21I know one way she's not.
10:23I know what Rhodes Scholar means.
10:26You know,
10:26there's lots of different types
10:28of intelligence, Charlie.
10:29I bet if I wanted to,
10:32I could make you feel dumb.
10:34For example,
10:36spatial visual intelligence.
10:39Move only two matches
10:41to make a decagon.
10:44It's easy.
10:47Define decagon.
10:50Ten-sided figure.
10:51And don't worry,
10:52even though you're dumb,
10:52I still think you're pretty
10:53and we're having sex tonight.
10:58What's this?
10:59You have to make
11:00a ten-sided figure
11:01moving only two matches?
11:03I can do it moving one.
11:06There.
11:08Oh, my God.
11:09She's a genius.
11:10And if I do this and this,
11:15stick man with a boner.
11:20Might have been a fluke.
11:24You're right.
11:25You're right.
11:25I can be the bigger man.
11:27I'm gonna go apologize.
11:28I'll meet you back
11:28at your place later.
11:30And for the record,
11:34stick man
11:34with a coke problem.
11:40Stick man
11:41after a car accident.
11:47Because of his coke problem.
11:48I'm sorry, I should have called.
11:49I'm sorry, I should have called.
11:50Yeah, that would have been a good thing.
11:51I'm sorry, I should have called.
11:52I'm sorry, I should have called.
11:53Stick man.
11:53Stick man living in a tent because he lost his house.
11:57because of the car accident.
11:58Because of the car accident.
11:59And it's called problem.
12:02Who's the genius now?
12:03Just a minute.
12:08Just a minute.
12:14Oh, I'm sorry, I should have called.
12:17Yeah, that would have been a good idea.
12:19I was driving home and I thought,
12:21I owe you an apology.
12:23You're not stupid.
12:24You're a smart person
12:25and you know exactly what you're doing.
12:27Baby, if that's the food,
12:28just bring it to bed.
12:29I'm gonna give you a massage.
12:30Oh, damn.
12:42You don't answer the door
12:43when your nails are wet.
12:44But you're in the middle of a prison rubbed on
12:46and it's come on in.
12:55How stupid can one woman be?
12:58I know this game.
12:58Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi,
13:00or Jennifer, your ex-wife.
13:03She's sleeping with Derek.
13:05I know it's unpopular,
13:06but I'm gonna go with the liberal Pelosi.
13:10Okay.
13:11Pants off.
13:12I told her not to
13:13and then she got mad at me
13:13for assuming she'd do something stupid
13:15and then what does she do?
13:16The gay felon.
13:19Did she even know he was gay?
13:20Yeah, she knows.
13:21She's a big girl.
13:22She takes precautions.
13:23It's not what I'm worried about.
13:24I'm worried about the felon part.
13:25Yeah, that's a reasonable concern.
13:28Okay, I'll get the phone.
13:28I'll get the shirt.
13:30I don't want this guy in my life.
13:32He was in prison.
13:33He steals things and hides them in his ass.
13:36Hey, Charlie, where are your candlesticks?
13:37I don't know.
13:37I should check my ex-wife's boyfriend's ass.
13:42Charlie, you're upset.
13:43We have a session tomorrow
13:44and we'll talk about this.
13:46So hold that thought.
13:47But right now,
13:48hold this
13:48and press the blue button
13:50three times.
13:53One, two, three.
13:54Look, she knows what she's doing.
13:55She's only doing this
13:56to piss me off.
13:58Whoa.
13:59Exactly.
13:59I don't know how far
14:00she'll take it.
14:02Are you listening to me?
14:03Oh, I can do two things at once.
14:06If she's doing this
14:08just to piss you off,
14:09then the worst thing
14:09you can do
14:10is show her you're upset.
14:16Okay, I can't do two things at once.
14:19Okay, you know what?
14:20Just don't do anything
14:21and she'll stop acting crazy.
14:23You're right.
14:24She's trying to get a reaction.
14:25I mean, I'm not going to feed into that.
14:26Good.
14:27Now, I need all your attention.
14:30I just want you to put
14:31all your efforts
14:31into pleasing me.
14:35Oh, what?
14:36I just push the button again?
14:37Yeah.
14:37Am I actually a part of this?
14:48Hey.
14:49Hey.
14:51Make breakfast.
14:52Feel bad about yesterday.
14:54Oh, it's all good.
14:55You can kick her with Jen.
14:56She's not my bitch no more.
14:58She's just my baby mama.
15:02Are you trying to talk black?
15:04A little bit.
15:05That's just how Charlie do.
15:06Yeah, well, Charlie don't.
15:14You know, I'm proud of you.
15:18I mean, in group,
15:18you tell us to let go of our anger
15:20and you do it.
15:22You really walk the walk.
15:25Because under normal circumstances,
15:26a guy comes in your house,
15:27eats your food,
15:28sleeps in your bed,
15:29oils up your ex-wife.
15:30I mean, a guy could get
15:31pretty upset about that.
15:32Well, I always say,
15:34leave by example.
15:35Yeah.
15:36Would you pass the butter, please?
15:37Oh, yeah.
15:40That's my butter!
15:42You didn't ask.
15:43You just took it.
15:45And now you're gonna,
15:45now you're gonna smear it
15:46all over your toast
15:47right in front of me.
15:48If you don't want me
15:50using your butter,
15:51all you gotta do is say so.
15:52I don't want you
15:53using my butter.
15:55Shit seems like
15:55a waste of good butter.
15:58We're not talking about butter.
16:01I know, I know, I know.
16:04I'm gonna put some honey
16:05on those biscuits.
16:05That's cool, right?
16:07Yeah, yeah.
16:07Honey's just honey.
16:08Hey, Charlie.
16:11Hey.
16:12Hey, boo.
16:13Ready to head out
16:14to the beach?
16:15Yeah, uh, about that.
16:17Uh, can I talk to you
16:19out on the porch
16:19for a second?
16:21Okay.
16:26Mmm, honey and biscuits.
16:27Shh.
16:27You son of a bitch.
16:41What?
16:42You told Derek
16:43to stop seeing me.
16:44What do you care?
16:45This isn't about Derek.
16:46You're just seeing him
16:46to piss me off.
16:48You're so full of yourself.
16:49It's unbelievable.
16:50I can't just like him?
16:52He's a felon.
16:53He's an ex-felon.
16:54And I'm a 40-year-old
16:55single mother
16:56living in Los Angeles.
16:57I had to open up
16:58the dating pool.
16:59I now accept
17:00bartenders, pirates,
17:01and magicians.
17:04For the record,
17:05I was in jail
17:05for a long time
17:06but I earned my GED
17:07and I'm only two tests
17:09away from being
17:09a certified VCR repairman
17:11so...
17:12See?
17:16You always have to control
17:17everything that I do.
17:19That's over.
17:20From now on,
17:21I'm doing whatever
17:21I want to do
17:22and you have no say
17:24about it.
17:25I don't agree
17:25with anything you just said.
17:26And I don't care.
17:28Starting now,
17:29we're just a normal
17:30divorced couple.
17:31We're not friends.
17:32When we run into each other
17:33at the market,
17:34it's weird.
17:34If you're five minutes late
17:35dropping off Sam,
17:36we've got a problem.
17:38Oh, and by the way,
17:40Green Goddesses,
17:41the woman who bought
17:42the L.A. franchise,
17:43just got a boatload
17:44of contracts.
17:45She's cleaning up.
17:47And I meant to say
17:48it like that.
17:48You're not supposed
17:53to be friends
17:54with your ex-wife anyway.
17:56That's against nature.
17:58I'm not saying it was easy,
17:59but it was definitely worth it.
18:00And as a person,
18:01I like gin.
18:02My ex-wife and I
18:03hate each other.
18:04How about your kids?
18:05We hate them too.
18:08What the hell is that?
18:09I knew this guy was trouble.
18:13Call the police.
18:15Not every black man running
18:16has committed a crime.
18:17They're right behind me.
18:18I just stole the car.
18:21You're making me look bad
18:21in front of my friend.
18:23I'm going back to prison, Charlie.
18:24I tried to make it work,
18:25but I miss Donovan.
18:27Now I gotta go get arrested
18:28in San Bernardino
18:28so I go back to the same prison.
18:30Wait, wait, wait.
18:30This is crazy.
18:31What about Jennifer?
18:32Oh, the ex-wife
18:33is a beautiful woman,
18:34but it just didn't feel right.
18:35I miss my monster.
18:36I gotta go, Charlie.
18:40I hope you're not
18:41disappointed in me.
18:42Well, it would have been nice
18:43if you could have made
18:43your life work on the outside,
18:44but I got very little time
18:45in your going on a bit here.
18:48Oh, I told Jennifer
18:50and she's a mess.
18:50You might want to check in on her.
18:53I'll see you next week in group.
19:05That's great.
19:06Now you're here
19:06to rub it in my face?
19:08Jennifer.
19:08No, no, no.
19:09You did it, Charlie.
19:10Once again,
19:10you proved you're smarter than me.
19:13Smarter than I.
19:17But that doesn't matter.
19:18That's not why I'm here.
19:21What's wrong with me?
19:22I just...
19:23I can't find it.
19:25What?
19:27I don't make good decisions.
19:29Yes, you do.
19:30You dump me.
19:32I was mostly my mom
19:33and my sister's
19:35couple of sidekicks.
19:39Look, you're not the one
19:39who has to change anything.
19:41I think you're right.
19:42I do try to control you.
19:43I don't know.
19:44Maybe it's just my way
19:45of making sure
19:46you still need me.
19:47Or maybe you're just a butthole.
19:48We can talk semantics all day.
19:56What's important
19:56is that we stay friends.
19:58It's been great for Sam
19:59and it's been great for me.
20:02All right.
20:05No more judging, okay?
20:06You got it.
20:08Now, hold on to your hat.
20:12What?
20:13No, that's the company name.
20:15It's a little Velcro strap
20:16that attaches your hat
20:17to your collar.
20:18Thousands of hats
20:19are lost every year
20:20due to rainstorms, boats,
20:22and amusement park rides.
20:24No one has an exact number,
20:26but the financial loss
20:27reaches well into the millions.
20:28What do you think?
20:33I think...
20:35I mean, nobody likes
20:35losing a hat.
20:37That's amazing.
20:38That's our motto.
20:40Nobody likes losing a hat.
20:43I can't do it.
20:45I'm sorry.
20:46It's a horrible idea.
20:48You'll lose everything.
20:49That was just a test.
20:51No, it wasn't.
20:52Okay, I'm into him
20:53for $1,000.
20:56Come on, I need help.
20:58It's okay.
21:00We'll try and find you
21:01some kind of a
21:0112-step Franchise Anonymous program.
21:04I bet there isn't one.
21:06We could start that.
21:07Shut up.
21:08Do you have a
21:141.
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