- 2 days ago
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00:00Today's the day that I locate the ghost that's haunting this flat
00:25It won't take long with me extendable prong as I poke it into nooks and crannies
00:30Will you look at that tit?
00:34He thinks he's it with his probe he bought from the pound store
00:37It's just a can of tile well with a fish slice for an aerial
00:42Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:44Goldwick, there's your leg
00:46Oh, excuse me
00:47There's your Lego lamb
00:49Thank you, well I'll have to eat it quick because the lads will be round very shortly for the ghost hunt
00:54Oh, the ghost hunt, that's today, is it?
00:55Yes
00:56Yeah, what makes you think there's a ghost in this flat, Vic?
00:58Well, one, ectoplasm in the toilet
01:01Yeah, no, that's just your night toffee, Vic, isn't it?
01:05Two, ghostly mornings in the middle of the night
01:09Ooh, what do they sound like?
01:10Like a...
01:11Ooh
01:12All right, Bush, you leaving today
01:18What do you think?
01:19No
01:19Correct, you twat
01:21Have a word
01:23And three, Bob, and you can't deny this
01:25This flat is built above an ancient Indian burial ground
01:29No, no, no, Vic
01:31It's above an Asian Indian Balti house
01:36Very different
01:37Very different concept altogether
01:39Well, there is a ghost on here and tonight I'm going to prove it anyway
01:42All right, then
01:43What do you think of me dish?
01:44It's very nice, talk me through it
01:45Well, as I said, it's a Lego lamb
01:48It's not a lamb made of Lego
01:50No, it's a...
01:52The dish is...
01:53The dish is formerly known as lamb tuxedo
01:56As you can see by the bow tie there
01:59Yeah, yeah
02:00And what about the scissors?
02:01Oh, the scissors
02:01That's just...
02:02That's just an English twist on the chopstick
02:04Yeah
02:05I thought you'd like that
02:07Nice, yeah
02:07Where did you get the idea?
02:09The idea?
02:09I got it from an episode of Come Down With Me
02:12From Preston?
02:13Well, yeah, they're all from Preston, aren't they?
02:15Well, they seem to be, yeah
02:15I think I saw this one
02:17Is this the one where there was, like, a middle-aged pole dancing woman
02:20Whose boobs were spilling out all over the table?
02:22All over the table, yeah
02:23And she offered the other guests
02:26A mouth organ wrapped in bacon
02:29I mean, what sort of idiot would present a mouth organ as food?
02:36Unless they're a complete moron
02:38Yeah, all right, what's it on?
02:41Don't get it out!
02:42You've got a mouth organ in your mouth?
02:47Well, take it out
02:48Hang on
02:52I'll use the miracle of suction
02:55That usually works with most things
02:58So, Vic, can you fill me in
03:20On this ghost hunt scenario
03:21What it's all about?
03:22Yes, of course
03:23Well, I read about it in my copy of Ghost Hunter Monthly
03:27Oh, wow
03:27How often do you get that magazine?
03:32Monthly?
03:32Oh, yes, it says monthly, yeah
03:34Anyway, so, oh, look, here's the advert here
03:36It says
03:37This month's competition
03:39Yeah
03:40Blah, blah, blah
03:40Fantastic prizes
03:41Your chance to win
03:42Blah, blah, blah, blah
03:43Blah, blah, blah
03:45All entrants must provide a genuine photograph of a real living ghost
03:50Blah, blah, blah
03:51Blah, blah, blah, blah
03:54And a call
03:54Competition closes
03:55Tomorrow morning
03:57Vic, give me the horn
03:58Blah, blah, blah, blah
03:59Vic, give me the horn
04:00I'm not giving you the horn
04:01You are giving me the horn
04:03All right, Eric
04:09All right
04:09Oh, hey, Vic
04:10Yeah
04:11I love the cool honking
04:12Can I borrow the hooter?
04:14Yeah, go ahead
04:15That's good stuff
04:17Can I bring it to my room, maybe?
04:21Yeah, go ahead
04:21Take it
04:22You can borrow it
04:22Yeah
04:22Hey, Eric
04:23Eric, would you like me to do some cool honking?
04:25I'm pretty good at it
04:26Oh, oh, Eric
04:27Would you like me to do some pearl honking?
04:30I'm pretty good at that
04:32He's got you down there, hasn't he?
04:34I don't speak like that, do I?
04:36Oh, I don't speak like that, do I?
04:38Oh, this is how I talk, isn't it?
04:42That's you
04:43Is he?
04:44Is he?
04:44Yeah, it's you
04:45Oh, back at the ghost zone, though
04:47Are there any prizes?
04:49You said something about prizes?
04:50Oh, yeah, they're prizes
04:51His third prize is, um, uh, well, look, a day out with Andy Barker
04:56Who's Andy Barker?
04:58I don't know, maybe Sue Barker's husband?
05:00Yeah, or maybe Roy Barker's son?
05:03Who's Roy Barker?
05:03I don't know, I thought he might be Sue Barker's husband
05:06Second prize, oh, you like this, this is right up here
05:09Go on, go on, hit me
05:10Look, a job in a loudspeaker shop
05:12Oh, go on, I'd like that
05:14I know you wouldn't
05:15Can you not tick that box?
05:16No, because the first prize is what I want
05:18What?
05:19A chimp
05:20A chimp
05:22A chimp
05:23At my beck and call
05:24Get in!
05:33Vic, you're not having a chimp in this house
05:36It's full of morons already
05:37I'm an exorcist
05:41With my crucifix
05:43And my rosary
05:44Made of monkeys
05:46With my metal detector
05:48I'll find the spectre
05:51Because mostly ghosts wear iron waistcoats
05:55All right, beef, I like your hat
06:03Yes, it's made from the melted windscreens of 17 Range Rovers
06:06Let's catch a ghost and win ourselves a chimp
06:10Ghosts, pitiful rays, trapped in suspense
06:14Amongst hordes of half-dead jezebels
06:18Clutching newspapers
06:19With wooden tits
06:21And cigarettes in the other hand
06:23I have no idea what I'm talking about
06:26You lost your track?
06:28I did, I'm afraid
06:29But what's that in your belt there?
06:31This is my sword of Draxos
06:33Would you like to see it in action?
06:34I'd love to, yeah
06:35It's not, it's a clarinet
06:41So, how exactly do you two intend to catch this ghost?
06:58Well, I was rather thinking we might use Vic's rather splendid quantum transducer detector
07:03You want to have a look at it?
07:05Shall I show you?
07:05I've been looking forward to it all day
07:07Great, yeah, of course I can
07:08Right, well, so, when a ghost is in the area
07:13This lights up here
07:14And what's this canister here, I hear you ask?
07:18Oh, what's that canister there, I ask?
07:20Right, good
07:21Well, this canister here contains, er, something funny, is it?
07:26No, no, not at all, no, I'm thrilled to be here
07:29It's a really impressive guess
07:30Well, this canister here contains a mixture
07:35Of, erm, talcum pudder and plasma
07:38So, what was that, talcum pudder?
07:40It was just talcum powder, but I bought it in Dundee, so I'll call it talcum pudder
07:43Anyway, so it's filled with talcum pudder and plasma
07:48What's with the, erm, snakes there?
07:51What's the armbands?
07:54Look, is there something funny about this?
07:56No, I don't know, I think it's a big...
07:57Cos if there is, you two can more or less eff off
07:59Well, carry on, but it's fascinating
08:02Yeah?
08:02It's quite a bit of kit, that, innit?
08:04Yeah
08:04Right, so anyway
08:05When a ghost ends up in a nook or a cranny
08:08I puff a bit of that into it
08:11The ghost breathes it in
08:13Puh, puh, puh, puh
08:14Comes out for a breath of fresh air
08:15And I take a photograph of it
08:18Then
08:18Then, using this thing here
08:25I waft it to the custard tin
08:27Why custard tin?
08:29That's a very good question
08:30Will you be answering it?
08:31No
08:31I waft it into the custard tin
08:35Then I take it over to the sink
08:36Turn the tap on
08:37Tip it down the plug
08:39Put the plug in
08:40And there we are
08:41Hey, presto
08:42Out of problems
08:43I have my hands over to you
08:44Mr. Dino Rod
08:45I have secured the photograph of the ghost
08:48And, er, the chimp is an inevitability
08:51A what?
08:52What is it?
08:52An inevitability
08:53A billy, every billy
08:55An inevitability
08:56Certainty
08:57It's a certainty
08:58Well, Vic
09:01You know, now you've talked me through the machine
09:03I've got to say
09:03I reckon this house
09:05Is going to remain chimp-free
09:06All right, lads
09:08What scene is being played out here?
09:11And have we won that chimp yet?
09:12Because I've got a job I needed to do for me
09:14Look, kids
09:15I hope you have a really pleasant night
09:16Hunting for your ghost, yeah?
09:18But let me make it perfectly clear
09:20I am not having a chimp
09:21Living in this house
09:22No way, end of
09:23Come on, lads
09:24I've got a Ouija board set up in here
09:25Vic
09:26Did you hear what I just said?
09:28I heard what you said, Bob
09:29I took it all on board
09:30And I've dismissed it
09:31Come on, lads
09:32We're going to take a photograph of a ghost
09:33And win ourselves a chimp
09:35Woo!
09:37Woo!
09:41Right, lads
09:41When we conjure up the spirit
09:43Who's going to take the photograph?
09:44Me
09:45Right
09:45That's my job
09:46There's the camera
09:46Thank you
09:47Take your cap off
09:49Lens cap
09:52I'm not wearing Lens cap
09:53I'm not wearing anyone's cap
09:54Cap on the camera
09:56Oh
09:57I knew that
09:58Turn it round
10:03No, you idiot
10:07Oh, right
10:07I'm an idiot, am I?
10:09Well, would an idiot
10:10Be able to do this?
10:12That's impressive
10:24Yeah, I take it back
10:25Put the camera
10:27Thank you
10:27Hang on, I want a slice of this action
10:43Lads, lads, come on
10:49Come on, come on
10:50Do you want to win a chimp?
10:53Yes
10:53Right, well, come on
10:55Let's say aunts
10:56Aunts
10:57Right
11:03Is anybody there?
11:08Ooh
11:09Are you a Victorian whore
11:13With a 19th century price list?
11:18In heaven
11:19Do you get
11:20Holmes under the hammer?
11:23Are you a carrot?
11:24Do you get
11:25Dickinson's rather date?
11:26Look, it's not
11:2620 bloody questions
11:28You pair of idiots
11:29Oh
11:29An idiot, you say
11:30That's really rather interesting
11:32Would an idiot
11:34Be able to do this?
11:35Eric
11:44Hi, Eric
11:46Whoa, cool
11:47They're having
11:48They're having a seance
11:50They're having a seance downstairs
11:52And I wondered if I could just
11:54I wondered if I
11:56If I could come and
11:57Watch your television
11:58You have to say it faster
12:00They're having a seance downstairs
12:02And I wondered if I could come and watch your television
12:04Is that a no?
12:05Oh, then
12:06Yes
12:06I know him
12:10He's a liar
12:12He's not even dead
12:15That's a hoax
12:17All right, mate
12:18Are you with them lot?
12:19Hey, shut up
12:20No, I'm a ghost
12:20They're summoned up
12:21Yeah, you're right, old mate
12:22Look, they're through there
12:23Who is?
12:25I'm not with them
12:26I'm a ghost
12:26Look
12:27That means you're a ghost
12:38Yes
12:39Yeah, me too
12:39You're going to be like
12:40Honestly
12:42What's all that?
12:46Light, look at the light
12:47Yeah, you're just turning it on and off
12:48No, I'm not
12:49No, I'm not
12:50Yes, we'll do it from there then
12:51No, I should do that for you
12:52I've got a brilliant mind
12:54Look at this
12:54Automatic writing
12:56Oh, don't write on me staircase, mate
12:59I'll never get it off
13:00Well, some matter where it's water-based
13:02I'll come off with a wet wipe
13:03Yeah
13:03You heard this, lads
13:05I've got a fella here
13:05He's got a water-based emulsion
13:07On a high-traffic area
13:09Yeah, no, the stairwell
13:10And he's not going to what?
13:11You're joking
13:12Where?
13:13He hasn't seen
13:14He hasn't even got a mat on your threshold
13:15That's one of the most vulnerable areas
13:18In the entire property
13:18They're killing themselves laughing with you up there
13:20Yeah
13:20Well, can you tell him
13:22I am thinking about getting what?
13:23Hang on a minute, old-timer
13:24I've got more
13:25Have a look at this
13:26Well, it's a bit of magic, is it?
13:27No, it's supernatural
13:28Oh, righty-o
13:29Look at everything
13:30Well, I can't look at everything
13:32Just look as much as you can
13:36Well, that's reasonable
13:37Yeah, all right
13:38Here I am
13:38Three, two, one
13:48Powerball!
13:50Oh, it's this
13:51Is that the finale, mate?
13:52No, I've got one more
13:53Oh, no
13:53Three, two, one
13:55Powerball!
13:59Bob
14:00Do you mind
14:01We're trying to summon up spirits in here
14:02It's not me
14:04It's that bloke over there
14:05What bloke?
14:06The bloke by the bookcase
14:08Don't want there
14:10Now, look
14:11If you're going to practice
14:12You're locking up at the ceiling
14:13Can you do it a bit more quietly, please?
14:15Thank you
14:15Vic couldn't see you
14:21So you are a ghost?
14:22Yeah, I told you
14:23They summoned me up
14:23Oh, the wankers
14:25This is the last day
14:27I need a frickin' ghost in the house
14:29No offence, eh?
14:30None taken
14:31Honestly
14:31See, the thing is
14:32If they get a photograph of a ghost, right?
14:35There's a possibility
14:36I might have a chimp living in the house
14:38God, could things get any worse?
14:40I think they're about to
14:41I just bought in to borrow something
14:46Maybe a pack of sultanas
14:48It's just a ruse
14:49A teeny excuse
14:51To shine a torch on Vic's banana
14:53Hiya, Julie
14:56Hiya, Bob
14:57How are you?
14:58Where's Vic?
14:59Yeah, he's just through there
15:00Hey, Julie
15:01Julie, can you see that bloke over there?
15:03Yeah, hi, Martin
15:04Hello, Julie
15:05Martin?
15:07What?
15:08You're Martin?
15:09Oh, so Penny finally dropped
15:11Hi, guys
15:14What's this?
15:15A game of truth or dare?
15:16What are you doing, Julie?
15:17I'm giving you a one direction
15:19Look
15:21We're in the middle of something really important
15:24As you can see
15:25So it would be good for me, mate
15:32If you could perhaps just nick off, you know
15:34Yeah, yeah
15:34I can see your problem
15:35I'll nick off in a minute
15:36But first of all
15:37Can I have a quick chat?
15:37I've not had a proper man chat since I died
15:40So what's your favourite, shovel or spade?
15:42Do you know, to be honest
15:43I don't know the difference
15:43Oh my God
15:44We've got another one here, lads
15:45Shovel is for shoveling
15:46Spade is for digging
15:47What's your favourite estuary?
15:49Estuary, I don't know
15:49The Thames
15:50Thames?
15:50Seven?
15:51Seven estuary, it's a pip
15:52Thames hasn't got a title
15:54Boar, has it?
15:54Listen to yourself
15:55You ask me a question now
15:56Okay, erm, where do you actually live?
15:59Oh, terrible question
16:00Awful banter
16:01All right
16:02I'll try and answer it
16:03I'm in that in-between place
16:05You know, that halfway house
16:07Twixt heaven and hell
16:08What's it called?
16:09Oh, travel lodge
16:10Yeah, it's fucking travel lodge
16:11Not travel lodge, limbo
16:13You don't use travel lodges, do you?
16:15Yeah, sometimes, yeah
16:16You're joking, aren't you?
16:17You can go in the road, chef, 29 quid
16:18Well, I forget I mentioned it
16:20Don't worry about them lot seeing me
16:21Yeah?
16:21I can only be seen by animals, relatives
16:23And people close to death
16:25But what?
16:25I'm not a relative
16:26Yeah, I'm not an animal
16:27What?
16:28You saying I'm going to die?
16:29I'm afraid so
16:30Oh, do you know how I die?
16:42All I can say is it's quick
16:43Well, that's something, isn't it?
16:46It's not that quick
16:47Oh!
16:50Ooh, hotty
16:51Hot, hot, hot, hot, hotty
16:53Julie, please
16:54We are trying to summon up a phantom
16:57So we can take a photograph of it
16:59And win a chimp
17:00Just use Martin, silly billy
17:03Martin!
17:04Come through
17:05Meet the boys
17:06Say cheese
17:07Oh, it's a good one
17:11What I'm going to do
17:14Is I'm going to print these out
17:16And file them in the miniature town hall
17:18Where I keep these things
17:19And I'm going to print out that copy of Martin for you
17:22Whatever
17:23Okay
17:23Martin, look at that lovely selfie
17:25I'm going to just print out a copy for Vic
17:29Lovely
17:29Ta-da!
17:30Oh, God, she's got a photo
17:33Oh, yeah
17:34That impacts on you, doesn't it?
17:36Chimp-wise, yeah
17:37Hey, lads, look
17:39The quantum particle detectors lay up
17:40That means that there's a spectre in the parish
17:43Come on, daft
17:44Lad, help us out
17:45Get the throw bun
17:46Yeah, come on
17:47What's with the snakes, Lee?
17:49It's the armbands
17:50What's the matter with you here?
17:51Right, come on
17:53Oh, I can't wait for this
17:55Yeah, you should
17:55Oh, no, no, there, there
18:08A ghost, look
18:08That's not a ghost, you clown
18:10It's a hard-boiled egg
18:11But what the probe has done
18:14Has located the ghost of an unborn chicken
18:17Oh, yeah
18:18So can I now confirm
18:21That no-one has a downer on the probe?
18:24Yeah
18:24Yeah, Bob?
18:26No, no, that's a nice bit of kit, Vic
18:28Well done
18:28I'll tell you what, Vic
18:29I've got a feeling
18:30I've got a good feeling about this area
18:32It's got really cold
18:33Really suddenly
18:34I think it might be worth checking here with your probe
18:36Yeah, yeah, I can do that
18:37Nice one
18:38You can cordon this area off
18:46As a no-ghost area
18:48Right
18:49That is a good unit, that, Vic
18:51Whatever everyone says
18:52That's a neat probe
18:53Well done
18:54Thank you
18:55Do you hear that, lads?
18:56Right, let's carry on
18:57You've seen the snakes
18:59Well, they're armbands, aren't they?
19:00It's gone berserk
19:10It must be in here
19:11This is the nest
19:11Well, go on, then
19:12Do get in there
19:13I'm not going in there
19:14I'm Billy Elliot
19:16Get in there, now
19:18Go on
19:20I'll need light
19:22Oh, there's a ghost in there
19:27What does it look like?
19:28A proper twat
19:28Get in and take a picture of it
19:32Three, two, one
19:33Oh, it's horrible
19:36It's evil
19:37Oh, it looks like Gary Barlow
19:38Oh, I know what that is
19:40It's not a ghost, lads
19:42Go on, out the way
19:43No, no, don't go in there
19:44It's all right
19:44It's all right
19:46It's all right
19:46I know exactly what it is
19:48Here, look
19:49Oh, I feel a proper Charlie
19:53Yeah, it's just some items
19:55That have fallen in a particular manner
19:58So as to resemble Gary Barlow
20:00Either at a concert
20:01Or perhaps judging someone
20:03Or something
20:03Simple as that, lads
20:04That's all it is
20:05It's not a ghost
20:06All right, all right
20:07Now, listen
20:07I don't want to shift focus
20:09Or undermine your quantum probe
20:12But I actually bought one myself
20:15Oh, I didn't know this
20:18Oh, look at the finish on that
20:24Did you make that in the workshop?
20:26That's no concern
20:27Wow
20:27What does it do, B?
20:29You want to see what it does?
20:30Yeah
20:30Yeah
20:31Oh, did you see that, B?
20:36Well, that's what I call a probe, B
20:39All right
20:39Well, I'll tell you what
20:40We'll forget about my probe, shall we?
20:42There
20:43Ooh
20:44There
20:44Can I just have a look at that?
20:47Ooh
20:47Ooh
20:48Look at that
20:49Ooh
20:50Ooh
20:50How's this conflict going to resolve itself?
20:57Yeah
20:57Who's going to make the next play?
20:59Let's find out
20:59What's that?
21:01Ooh
21:02Pull the case
21:08Watch out
21:15Whoa, what just happened then?
21:26Well, in the light of what just happened then
21:28Let's pull our pants up really nice and high and tight
21:31And go and check out this manifestation in here
21:33What do you think about that?
21:36What I think is
21:37I'll tell you what I think
21:38Can you stop trying to give yourself away, please?
21:40Yeah, all right
21:40Never mind that
21:41Which one of them blokes are you going with?
21:43Eh?
21:45What?
21:45Come on
21:46Come on
21:46Go as you are
21:47Which one's your boyfriend?
21:48Long-haired one?
21:49Worth her to choose one
21:49Yeah, the long-haired one, I suppose
21:50Can you go and ask him?
21:52No, please, please don't
21:53Why not?
21:53No, you just behave, will you?
21:57Martin
21:57Martin
21:58When am I gonna die, Martin?
22:01The photo
22:01Photo
22:07All right, I'm gonna regress one of you
22:08And see if you can find a ghost on your travels
22:10Who's it gonna be?
22:10Me?
22:11What is it?
22:12I'm gonna take you back in time to a previous life
22:14Go on, go on
22:15Get on with it
22:15Are you ready?
22:16Yeah
22:16Who are you?
22:21Where are you?
22:22And what is your rank?
22:23I am at the Battle of Marston Moor
22:26My name is Edward Longbottom
22:29Don't
22:29I've heard them all before
22:30I get it all the time
22:32Not as bad as my boss
22:34General Dick Dangles
22:35His life's a misery
22:36Anyway, the other day
22:37I'm walking through the marsh with Dick
22:39And I tread in some dog dirt
22:40And he says to me
22:41If you tread that into the tent
22:43I shall hit the road
22:44Shut him up
22:45He's boring the tits off me
22:47I am Bonar
22:51Son of Bollock
22:52Husband of Titibus
22:54Guardian of the parish
22:55Spare me this Lord of the Rings shit
22:57No offence, Vic
22:58All right, Julie
23:05Hello, Bob
23:06What a lovely surprise, isn't it, though?
23:08Isn't it, though?
23:09Hey, look, it's Martin about
23:10It's just he told me earlier
23:11That I was gonna die
23:12And I just wanted to see
23:13If he was telling the truth
23:14Sorry about that, mate
23:15Just bullshit
23:16Oh, well, that's a relief, Julie, isn't it?
23:20All round
23:21That is a relief
23:22Julie, the photograph there
23:24Do you see it of Martin and yourself?
23:25Yeah, yeah
23:26Could I have a look at that, please?
23:27Yeah, but first of all, I just wanna ask you a little question
23:29Yeah, go on then
23:30Do you notice anything different about me?
23:32Erm, no, I don't think so
23:33Perhaps if I present you with my silhouette?
23:38No, nothing
23:39Nothing at all
23:40I'll have my bum plumped up
23:42You know, like the black girls do
23:43With a little shelf
23:45Oh, right
23:46Oh, I see
23:46Yeah
23:47I've got it done at WH Smith at the bum department
23:49Yeah, I think I'll have a bum department, Julie
23:52It's actually a fully functioning shelf
23:54Just stick something on
23:55Okay, well, I'll tell you what
23:56I'll dress it for you
23:57Dress it for me
23:58Make me look pretty
23:59What have you chosen?
24:01Not the bonsai
24:02Yeah
24:03You're crazy
24:04But you said you wanted it pretty
24:06Are you ready? Is it on?
24:09Yeah
24:09Is it good to go?
24:10It's good to go, go
24:11Check it out!
24:13Check it out
24:14It's an actual working shelf, Julie
24:17Goodbye handbag
24:18Yeah
24:19I'm really happy with it
24:20I'm really pleased for you
24:21Look, Julie, you know that photograph?
24:25Well, Vic has asked me if I can come and fetch it for him
24:27So could I take it, please?
24:29Yes, but only if you do one thing for me in return
24:31Ooh, ouch
24:32Yeah, what is it?
24:33Well, what I want you to do is pull up beside me
24:36Wind your window down and ask me for directions
24:38What, like so I'm driving a car, yeah?
24:41Like you're in a car
24:41Okay, here goes
24:42Okay, I'm waiting for the bus
24:43Hey, excuse me there, I can see you're busy
24:49But could you give me directions to the library, please?
24:52I'm so sorry, I'm not from round here
24:55Oh, I get some every time
25:02Come on, take a picture
25:04I can take the picture
25:05Oh, thanks, Julie
25:06Thank you
25:08Bye, Bob!
25:09See you, Julie
25:10Oh, toss her
25:11Look, you've repressed him too far, you fool
25:16Chrome admin man
25:17Oh, what is laminate wood flooring?
25:23Oh, woman
25:24No, no, no
25:25No, I'm just a tobacconist
25:27We want woman
25:28Strike him before he gets wind of our backsides
25:31Oh, bloody hell
25:36Well, did it work?
25:39No, it didn't work
25:41No ghost
25:43No photo
25:44No chimp
25:45All right, lads
25:47Twat
25:49What's the matter with you lot?
25:52What's the matter?
25:52I'll tell you what's the matter
25:53We had a dream
25:55A dream to own a chimp at Old Bacon Call
25:57And now that dream's in tatters
26:00Like Icarus
26:01We try to fly too high to kiss the moon
26:04I mean, come on, lads
26:07Life goes on, you know
26:08Life doesn't go on
26:09Life without a chimp's no life for me
26:12I wish I was dead
26:12Me too
26:13Me too
26:14All right
26:16Hey, Vic, here
26:17I've got something for you
26:18There you are
26:19It's a picture of a ghost
26:25We will get that chimp
26:27Bob
26:28You big, beautiful bastard
26:32Bob, I always
26:33I always thought you were a major league asshole
26:36But you're not
26:38You're a real stand-up guy
26:39Here it is, folks
26:47It's the letter from Ghost Hunter magazine
26:49I think you all know what this is
26:53You ready?
26:56Yes
26:56Thank you for entering our recent photo competition
27:00Come on
27:00Yeah, all right
27:01We are pleased to inform you that your photograph of the ghost Martin Cooper has won
27:05Yeah
27:06Whoa, whoa
27:08Third prize
27:10A day out with Andy Barker
27:13Come in
27:15I'm Andy Barker
27:18And this is my bicycle
27:19And I'm going to blow your minds
27:21Who the hell are you?
27:24Sue Barker's husband?
27:26No, I'm Linda Barker's brother
27:27Hang on
27:30Hang on
27:31Yeah, I'm just going to have to use your toilet
27:33Sorry
27:33What a shit prize
27:36Why don't we get the chimp?
27:38No
27:38Right, there's no easy way in her saying this
27:40Is there going to be lots and lots and lots of toilet paper?
27:44Just use the curtain
27:45Curtain?
27:46Okay, well get him a bog roll
27:48Come on
27:49This is why we need a chimp
27:50Yeah
27:51Hang on a minute
27:52Got an idea
27:53Take man
27:58Toilet paper
27:59You savage brute
28:00What is toilet paper?
28:02Find me an African woman
28:03What is
28:04African woman?
28:08Yeah, yeah
28:08Go and get me some strawberries
28:10Strawberries, I know
28:12While you're at it
28:13I've got a Barnaby Ratchet
28:14And he's baffing, you monstrosity
28:16Oh-ho
28:17Didn't we have a lovely day
28:22We created an ape slave
28:24So what happens next?
28:25We get on our feet
28:26And worship this poor
28:28But Turkish
28:28It's cool
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