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00:00Sabrina 90's show Troll Bride. Hilda startles Salem and he says Glee Club for
00:06no reason. Because Hilda hasn't had a date in a while, she eventually badgers
00:12him into getting stuck in a tree so a fireman could go to her house for a date.
00:17Hilda offers a big cake to him and he says he'll be right back. Wouldn't it be
00:23awkward if when he came back he said he heard Salem yelling with her? I guess he
00:28is too far away. It turns out Sabrina is at the last few days of her first
00:33semester. Libby tries to scare her and Harvey into believing they're gonna break
00:37up in a few days because of the curse. Zelda lectures Hilda for wasting a fireman's
00:42time. Sabrina tells her aunts about the curse Libby talked about and Hilda makes
00:48it clear that she believes in it and Zelda stops her from talking which would
00:52be suspicious. But somehow Sabrina doesn't see through it. Zelda reassures
00:58Sabrina. He doesn't make sure Hilda says what she wanted to say and Hilda reveals
01:05that curses count double for witches. Yeah but that doesn't prove this
01:10particular curse isn't just superstition. Somehow Zelda doesn't point that out.
01:16Sabrina looks up a spell from the magic book to find her lost biology notes. It
01:22someone's a troll to locate them. Who's an actual person instead of someone just
01:27conjured up for the spell. Why would that spell be allowed to stay in the
01:31magical book? Why won't the spell just summon a wind that locates stuff for you?
01:36Because that would be more popular. Or magic up a being to do that. The troll
01:43expects to get anything he wants as a reward. So he says he wants to marry Sabrina.
01:49She says she's a teen and he says she's old but she'll do. Which is a creepy joke.
01:55Why doesn't she just use magic on him? This plot sucks. Eventually barges into Sabrina's class and
02:04wastes the classmates this valuable time badgering the teacher insisting that humans
02:09have four stomachs. Which you wouldn't think. There's no way trolls have four stomachs because
02:15look at how short they are. Logically the teacher would have called the cops to get him out of the
02:20class after he left it. Because he's an adult who doesn't belong in the school. Since Sabrina is
02:26surrounded by mortals it makes sense that she doesn't use magic against the troll. The aunts get a lawyer
02:32and the aunts have to convince him to try to find a loophole in the contract Sabrina signed without
02:38reading it so that she'd have to marry him. Because she didn't just freeze time and zap up something to
02:45trap him. Harvey tries to find out who the troll called Roland is. And Sabrina isn't able to tell
02:52him. She tells him what she should know is a blatant lie. Saying he's a friend of her aunts. He clearly
02:59acted possessive of her and refused to leave her alone. Which would remind anyone of a creep who can't
03:03take no for an answer. And he'd only hate Harvey on site and call him farm boy because of jealousy.
03:11So Harvey's got every reason to walk away angrily. From his perspective she's got no reason to not
03:17trust him enough to tell him the truth about this messed up situation. I also don't know why he doesn't
03:23call the cops. Because if anything if he's a friend of her aunts that just makes him look worse
03:29and her aunts look bad. This whole story is so annoying because I'm always wondering why Sabrina
03:34doesn't use magic on Roland. But does use it on Libby. It could have just explained right away that
03:41trolls are immune to magic. But that won't stop her from summoning a frying pan or chains. The troll acts
03:49really sad and walks into the closet leaving his hat behind. Salem says Sabrina better take it to him.
03:56Since when would Salem ever advocate for her to do something good? Without explaining why she would
04:04benefit from doing it even. Well that doesn't matter because she would have fallen for his
04:09trick anyways. Somehow an omnipotent witch thinks a locked door would keep her in a castle. Why did
04:18Salem not assume that if Sabrina came to the house of a troll she'd get trapped there because he and
04:23the aunts already know that trolls do this and have centuries of experience? Why did some centuries
04:29old witch who was cynical enough to want to take over the world take his word for it that he'd give
04:34up on her after one day? He would have warned her not to fall for his obvious manipulation tactic.
04:42Even if they weren't thinking ahead. Who cares if he doesn't get his hat back? Salem warns the
04:49aunts that Sabrina's been gone for a while. Somehow the lawyer says it's legal for the troll to have
04:55kidnapped Sabrina. I have to assume that the castles of trolls can't be warped out of. After all,
05:03the aunts could have also warped Sabrina home if it weren't for an enchantment on the castle. So there
05:09has to be one. The troll is able to magically open the door just for some padding where the aunts failed to
05:16reassure Sabrina. But at least cared enough to try. The troll also uses magic to change the way Sabrina's
05:23outfit looks. Giving her a ridiculously outdated outfit. Why would trolls be out of date? Just because
05:35mortals have them as an old idea doesn't mean they would not keep up with the times and not have
05:42at least a different idea of fashion and culture that's up to date in their way. The castle isn't
05:50necessarily ridiculous though because there are people that live in castles in real life right now.
05:57In the UK. Even random rich people. The aunts have to do a bunch of auditions for a prince to save their
06:04niece from a troll. Why can't they just use magic to create a fake prince? Why don't they say the
06:11witch's council made that impossible? They warn a young prince he might die and he says he doesn't
06:17want to die and need to reassure him. Harvey shows up at the house and says he's willing to accept
06:23whatever weird situation Sabrina's stuck in. I'd assume it's because he loves her that much. Zelda's
06:31clever enough to consider Harvey. She sees on the back of his shirt the words termites king which is
06:38because of his dad. Which would make him the termite prince. Eventually Harvey drinks a cinnamon
06:45flavored potion from her aunts and I'm guessing that's there to make him lose his memory later and
06:49make him believe her aunts about the news that Sabrina's a witch who needs him to save her from a
06:53troll. Because he never believed him otherwise. Basically all he says is oh that's all and drinks nervously.
07:02Then he's magically given a prince outfit and just hopes he doesn't always have to wear it.
07:07Why would he think he always has to wear it? He's so calm about the whole situation.
07:13That's nice. It's not like real Harvey. But it's good because of that. The comic Harvey would be
07:20obnoxiously happy about it. Sabrina tells Harvey that he has to think fairy tale. Sabrina uses magic to make
07:28her hair really long so that it could climb it. If she can use magic, why didn't she escape the castle
07:34herself? This makes it even more confusing that it wasn't explained that her magic's being restricted
07:39and she can't be warped home. What was the writer thinking? If she can use magic to summon a bunch of
07:47long hair, she could use magic to make a weapon. Couldn't she make a weapon made of hair? Harvey calmly
07:55talks to Sabrina and when he's taunted by the troll carrying a sword, I guess it makes sense that
08:01because he's panicked he doesn't think to draw a sword until he's told to. The ants know what trolls
08:07are like. Why didn't one of them use magic to make him a great swordsman first? There's a sword fight
08:13but I know Harvey won't get hurt and it's so stereotypical so I don't care. I can assume that
08:19the reason the blades aren't damaging themselves into destruction from this inaccurate depiction
08:24of sword fighting is that they're coated with a metal that protects them. Since the witch world,
08:29so any magical materials could be summoned. As for why the troll's just sword fighting instead of using
08:35any other powers on him, when sword fighting has a chance of losing and takes forever compared to
08:41shrinking Harvey or something, maybe he's got far less magical powers than witches. And I guess he only
08:47has so much magic so that's why he doesn't just teleport constantly. Why would Harvey keep lying
08:53there while the troll says he's taking his last breath holding a sword over him? Sabrina has to
08:59drop a book on the troll to save him. I like the creative twist there where she saved him. Well,
09:06she didn't have to because she also could have summoned a whole bunch of hair extensions to use
09:12against him. She hugs Harvey and inexplicably the troll lets them run away together even though it
09:18wasn't the prince himself who saved her. So it wouldn't have filled the contract. It wouldn't have
09:25anyways because it's not even a real prince. He should have just stayed unconscious. After we see them
09:32run around the field happily with happy music, the music stops and Sabrina figures out they have their
09:38test so they've got to go home. That would have been funny if the episode didn't suck. Back at home,
09:45Sabrina and Harvey are still happy. And when Harvey's told he's going to forget the magic in 15 seconds,
09:52more than 15 seconds pass before he loses his memory. He says he always knew there was something
09:58magical about her and clearly is about to say something nice. I guess the reason he doesn't want to
10:04talk about her being a witch to break up with her as soon as he can this time is because it's so early
10:10in the season that not enough weird magical things have happened in his life that he would realize are
10:14her fault. Even though just based on season one alone, he'd still have good reasons to break up with
10:21her. But he's already convinced himself all those things weren't because of magic anyway, and they're
10:27pretty in the past so he might not think about them. The lawyer tells the troll that he can't marry
10:33Sabrina according to the contract. Why would he need to tell him this? I thought the reason he let
10:40Sabrina leave was because he thought that according to the contract he had to. All Sabrina could do to
10:46him was get a lucky shot throwing her last book at him, and Harvey wasn't a good swordsman. I guess he
10:53assumed that Sabrina would grab him from behind since she was right there while Harvey distracted
10:57him. Then that should have been written to happen so that he'd let them leave and it'd make sense.
11:03It should have been written that the troll had a concussion. I also have to assume that when the
11:08test starts and Sabrina tells Harvey what mitosis is anyway, she canonically said it in a quieter volume
11:15than the show. Because if she really talked that loud, the teacher would punish her for helping him
11:21cheat. Zelda says to Sabrina that since she aced her finals, she deserves a reward. The ants put hats
11:30on, and Zelda says it's an around-the-world tour reserved for witches who aced their biology test.
11:37But they warp themselves away. I'm guessing that most of the teleportations are going to be by somebody
11:44else doing it for them. Because otherwise, since witches could just go around the world whenever
11:49they want, it wouldn't be that great that it would be a around-the-world tour reserved for witches.
11:57So there'd have to be an extra incentive. Salem's upset at them warping away without him, and does
12:03the kind of exaggerated sob that he's probably famous for. And Sabrina warps home to bring him with
12:09them. And he immediately cheers up. If he was really crying, then he'd sound like he was still
12:15crying when he talked to her. The story should have addressed at the end of the episode that
12:19Hilda was wrong that there was a real curse. Because if it was real, why did Sabrina and Harvey
12:26stay together when curses are worse for witches? Something that makes no sense anyway. The Witches' Council
12:33wouldn't make that true. Curses would be made with only mortals in mind. So they'd just target
12:39mortals if there's something different about witches that'd make them target them worse.
12:45This annoying episode by Nick the K and Frank Kniff has Sabrina used a spell in the magic book meant to
12:52find her lost biology notes that summons a real troll with a voice like a chain smoker that tortures us
12:57all episode. Because he wants to marry someone he knows is a teenager and won't leave her alone and
13:03traps her in his castle. Because heaven forbid Sabrina used magic to find her biology notes.
13:10Why was that spell allowed to stay in the magic book? Why is it legal for trolls to marry anyone who
13:16uses that service? There's no way the Witches' Council would humor the trolls like that.
13:22They'd be more likely to mistreat them for being trolls.
13:25Why doesn't Sabrina warp home? She can still use magic to summon a bunch of hair extensions so Harvey
13:32could climb them. Because god forbid the ants just create out fake prints instead of endangering an
13:38innocent teenager without also giving up perfect swordsmanship skills. The only way to make sense
13:44of Sabrina not using magic to escape the home of the troll immediately and her ants not warping her
13:49home is to assume that the castle has a spell to prevent any spells that could let her escape.
13:55But since that's not explained it's not the case in the writer's mind. She could have just used her
14:00magic on her hair and climbed out of the window and ran away without Harvey needing to save her.
14:06Why doesn't Sabrina even try to use magic against the troll? Even if it can't be affected directly
14:12by magic she could still summon things like chains around him. The whole story wouldn't have happened.
14:20But even without all of the plot holes that make Sabrina so stupid that she is unlikable from how
14:26helpless she is. The story even sucks on an emotional level because of the constant presence of this
14:31pedo troll with an annoying voice who doesn't get along with Mr. Pool or Harvey. Embarrassing her by somehow
14:38getting away with following her to school. Why did the writer get away with writing this character?
14:45What was even supposed to be the moral of the episode? That laziness deserves the worst punishment imaginable?
14:52Never let your inexplicable pity for a bad person cause you to help him. But anyone dumb enough to
14:58not agree with that wouldn't change. More specifically it's, if someone trying to date you won't take no
15:04for an answer and leaves his hat at your house as he leaves, don't bring it back to him because he'll
15:10kidnap you definitely. Any common sense would tell you that he left it there so you'd follow him home.
15:16And even if not, just leave it outside your front door and have a way to defend yourself if he comes
15:21back. Any normal person would not make Sabrina's mistake because their hatred of him would cause
15:28them to not feel bad for him at the idea that he wouldn't get his hat back or would have to get it
15:33back. If the reason Sabrina followed him was that she didn't want him to use the hat as an excuse to
15:39come back, that makes a bit more sense but just a second of thought from either of them could have
15:44caused him to consider that she should either warp the hat to his head, which happened to Harvey in
15:50the 70s comic, or open the closet door and throw the hat inside to warp it to his home and close it.
15:59Then she'd change its previous destination location so he couldn't come back, which I guess he did with
16:05thought alone. The only thing worth it about the episode is the dishonest reveal that Harvey would
16:10still like Sabrina if she were a witch, because we got to see him find out and be calm about it,
16:17which is creative and nice.
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