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00:00Sabrina Nighty's show, Dummy for Love.
00:04Hilda offers another waffle for Salem, and he's stuffed.
00:08The two of them have been eating a ton of them to try to find a gold waffle.
00:13It does make sense that she'd rather eat them than waste magic on getting rid of the waffles.
00:19Hilda has a letter about how the two of them have witch duty.
00:23Zelda knows there's a chance Hilda would forget to send the postponement letter and get her in trouble.
00:28She wouldn't trust her anyways.
00:31Hilda mockingly asks if she thinks the two of them are idiots,
00:35and Salem somehow got a ton of crackers on his head and says,
00:39Get the camera.
00:41Zelda smartly says that maybe the box with the gold pancake is the heavy one.
00:48Sabrina tells the lovestruck Valerie that she shouldn't just care about looks.
00:53Seems like nothing but padding and Sabrina's zine here.
00:56It turns out Hilda had abused magic on X-Verse again.
01:01She is supposed to be evil, but it's not supposed to be against people who just dumped her and that's all.
01:06It's supposed to be against random mortals.
01:09Preferably ones that deserved it.
01:11So like when she trapped someone in a ring,
01:14writing her to give someone a bunch of ears with no hint that it got this fixed was going too far.
01:19Because Hilda forgot to mail the postponement letter,
01:24Zelda thinks she's missed her opportunity to cure acne.
01:28Libby rejects Sabrina's article in the newspaper,
01:31and Valerie tells Sabrina that she gave up being editor to Libby for a week in exchange for getting together with the guy she liked earlier.
01:38Sabrina hardly reacts to Valerie's betrayal.
01:41And she owes us magic so that her editorial would replace the other newspaper.
01:47Why did Sabrina think it was a good idea to tell Mr. Kraft the name of her boyfriend
01:51when he was whining at her to retract the editorial because he's corrupt,
01:55and people won't give him money if they're too mad about an anti-focus-on-school-sports editorial?
02:01Libby tells Kraft there's something weird about Sabrina,
02:04and Kraft goes to Sabrina's house, and Salem calls him a loser,
02:08but Kraft doesn't catch on as him because he acted like he was coughing.
02:14There's a giant tree in the kitchen,
02:16and the reason for this is that Hilda spilled a potion ingredient on it.
02:21Kraft sees Hilda try to get rid of a giant tree in her kitchen the normal way to save on magic,
02:27and somehow he falls in love with her at first sight,
02:31and so I get to see her turn him down on a date.
02:34All that happens is he walks out of the room.
02:36He'd absolutely have to be not straight to find attractive at a time like this.
02:43Maybe that was the joke.
02:45Valerie talks to Mel dramatically about not being with Kirk,
02:48and Sabrina makes a joke where she tells her not to quit on her.
02:52All Sabrina has to do to summon Cupid is read out a spell from her magic book.
02:57I thought there weren't any love spells.
03:00It's disturbing of Sabrina to plan on casting a love spell on someone.
03:04Cupid hits Kirk with a love arrow, and the first person he sees after this is a guy,
03:11and Sabrina naturally wonders if he's going to fall for him and wants her money back.
03:17Sabrina's not allowed to write an editorial anymore,
03:20and now she has to transcribe lunch menus.
03:23Libby taunts her, so when she opens the locker door,
03:26she screams at a bunch of pies falling on her.
03:29Naturally, since Sabrina enjoyed seeing it,
03:32Kraft assumes she filled it with pies because she wasn't surprised at what happened,
03:37and tries to get her detention.
03:39Sabrina tells him the detention would upset Hilda,
03:42so she gets out of it.
03:44Cool.
03:45Sabrina keeps begging Hilda to date Kraft so it will be nice to her,
03:48and she refuses because she already thinks he's a goofball despite having barely heard him talk.
03:55She uses magic so the photo of a woman in the George Clooney article Hilda's reading turns around and says please,
04:02and she summons a bunch of floating heads of hers to say please to Hilda.
04:07Why doesn't Sabrina just stop up a fake Hilda to date Kraft?
04:10Instead, when Kraft calls, Sabrina uses magic to have Hilda's voice and agrees to a date with him.
04:19Sabrina wants Cupid to make Hilda temporarily attracted to Kraft.
04:23At least she only said temporary, but still.
04:27So officially, the love spells not existing in the book was a lie of the ends.
04:34She has to have Hilda sign her lease form to have Hilda fall for Kraft,
04:38which didn't happen last time because minors don't sue.
04:43So Sabrina thankfully gives up on this instead of brainwashing Hilda into signing the lease form.
04:49He should have said,
04:51Mortals don't sue.
04:53Because if she had tried to cast a love spell on an adult who couldn't know about Cupid and sue him,
05:00then he would agree to it anyways if this is his problem.
05:04So he won't tell Sabrina about a spell to turn Hilda into a dummy that she'll be able to speak for.
05:10Sabrina tries to keep Hilda from jogging out of the house by pretending to start sobbing,
05:15and Hilda instantly pities her, and they hug.
05:19Sabrina sees Kraft at the door and brainwashes Hilda.
05:23Why doesn't she turn herself invisible so she won't be spotted following them on their date?
05:31Kraft's only using Hilda as a therapist, apparently.
05:34Sabrina only has to melt silently in order to get Hilda to talk.
05:39Kraft likes that Hilda's forceful.
05:42He doesn't like when she says something like,
05:44You went out with Kirk?
05:46Sabrina has to reassure Valerie that she looks good.
05:49Why didn't she freeze Valerie in time so that she wouldn't have to deal with this right now?
05:54Why did the spell and Hilda wear off?
05:58This forces her to get mad at being kissed and zap a pepper spray to use,
06:02which Kraft didn't see her zap up because she wasn't looking there.
06:07Hilda could have pressed charges against him just to spite him.
06:11Why is it so conveniently written that Mr. Kraft isn't only appearing in this episode?
06:16The writer could have easily not forced Kraft to get let on by what Sabrina said because of Valerie being there.
06:23And Valerie was there because she just happened to track Sabrina down,
06:28even though she didn't know she was going to be there at all.
06:31Hilda was spiteful enough to pepper spray him instead of just going away,
06:36even though she knew that it wasn't really his fault that he thought she wanted to kiss him.
06:42So why won't she press charges then?
06:45Sabrina zaps up a bunch of heads around Hilda to apologize over and over.
06:50Hilda's going to bring her to Zelda because she thinks she's not good at punishing,
06:54but she punishes her exes all the time.
06:57I think what she means is she knows she'd be too harsh.
07:01Zelda tells Sabrina that the reason it's bad for her to cast a spell on one of her guardians
07:06is that it leaves them unable to protect her.
07:09That's all she said?
07:12Sabrina didn't need protection when she was at the restaurant.
07:17She's a witch, so she wouldn't need protection anyways.
07:21Zelda wants to see if Sabrina's telling the truth about whether there was a selfish motive for what Sabrina did.
07:27I thought she'd cast an honesty spell on her,
07:30but instead she zaps up a sumo wrestler to represent her conscience,
07:33and Sabrina has to admit she was being selfish and runs away from him.
07:38At least it doesn't seem like she got hurt.
07:40Besides, she's a witch, and witches could handle themselves and heal any injury.
07:45She really had no excuse for being afraid of the sumo wrestler because she could have used magic on him.
07:50It turns out Valerie's not going to keep dating Kirk because all he talks about is engines.
07:56So she realizes she's not so shallow after all.
08:00Valerie's so boring and lame that I struggled to remember her name in the previous sentence.
08:06I hope she endears herself to me in the next few seasons,
08:09because it's going to be hard for her to make up for being a replacement scrappy for Jenny.
08:13It wouldn't be so bad if she had the same personality instead of taking stuff away from the show.
08:20She doesn't have the same appeal as Jenny.
08:23She doesn't have any positive qualities that Jenny didn't.
08:28I get giving her a friend that's never mean and annoying to her like Jenny was.
08:33I have a grudge against Jenny too for calling her a geek.
08:36But one time, you could have just had Jenny stop being rude to Sabrina, and that would have been better.
08:44Craft tells Sabrina there's something strange about her family, so he's going to keep an eye on her.
08:49Even though her aunt's being weird, it's no excuse for her to be kept an eye on
08:53when she isn't acting like Hilda was acting on the date at school.
08:57Also, Craft bullying Sabrina has always forced conflict.
09:02Sabrina can brainwash people.
09:04She was fine with turning people into geeks in an earlier episode just to benefit her.
09:10There's no way she would put up with Craft abusing his power instead of using her power against him to benefit her.
09:18And I know it's just me sharing my limited experience,
09:21but I've never seen a vice principal abuse his power against one student in particular like Craft does to Sabrina.
09:29That's another reason it feels completely unrealistic.
09:32It's not like she's a member of any groups that he'd be bigoted against.
09:37So, there's no real explanation?
09:40Harvey asks Sabrina to the slicery.
09:43So he's still functionally being written as if they're dating anyways,
09:46with the exception that he's not written to hug and kiss her or put his arms around her anymore.
09:50Then literally, what's the point of having them stay apart if Sabrina still thinks she's allowed to agree to go out with him,
09:56even as just a friend?
09:58The whole reason they broke up, remember, was so Sabrina would have more time to herself.
10:03She wouldn't have time to herself if she went to the slicery with him.
10:07Just get back together then.
10:09Oh, crap. I wonder if Moral Guardians were the reason they broke up.
10:15I wonder if for some strange reason Moral Guardians complained to the people in charge of the show
10:22that it was indecent for them to be hugging and kissing.
10:26We're not seeing any other teenage relationships in the show.
10:31Sabrina remembers that she can't because she's grounded.
10:35And we see her buried from below the neck in the backyard, which has beautiful flowers.
10:40And it starts raining.
10:42One of the ants saps up a parasol for her.
10:45And she says it's a lightning rod.
10:47But she has to be wrong about that because Zelda doesn't immediately free her to protect her from lightning.
10:52Not to mention Zelda's a physicist.
10:54She's an expert in physics at least, so she would know if it's not a lightning rod.
10:59So why doesn't she correct her?
11:02I'm torn between thinking this kind of over-the-top punishment is a little abusive when she already learned her lesson.
11:08And even that punishment earlier was disproportionate.
11:12And appreciating it because it's satisfying to see her punished.
11:16And it's a pun on Grounded, so they probably use magic for it.
11:19The story ends with Cupid refusing to make a female celebrity fall for Salem because he's a cat.
11:26Why did he even try?
11:29As for why Hilda's ever on friendly terms with Sabrina again after this episode,
11:34Hilda knows she's to enable things herself, so who is she to judge?
11:38And Sabrina's her beloved niece that she's raising, which compels her to forgive her.
11:44Or at least go easy on her.
11:45Hilda can always erase her own memory of what happened.
11:49And it's a family-friendly sitcom.
11:52Sabrina could also make herself forget this.
11:55So that's why she isn't full of guilt.
11:58Hilda trapping her ex in a ring or covering another one's head with ears for the rest of their lives
12:02It's a lot worse than what Sabrina and Hilda experienced for just a second.
12:07And Hilda would know this.
12:09This annoying episode by Holly Hester, despite it being by a woman, was about Sabrina brainwashing her aunt into dating a man she's not into so will let her write editorials again.
12:20Which caused them to kiss her and arbitrarily return her into consciousness.
12:26Because the story forced Valerie to just happen to find Sabrina in that one restaurant and cause her to talk to her in a way that leads Kraft on.
12:34Which wouldn't have happened if Sabrina froze Valerie in time like she did to Harvey.
12:39She shouldn't have forgotten she couldn't talk without Hilda imitating her.
12:42The plot wouldn't have happened because Sabrina would have brainwashed Mr. Kraft into changing his mind about abusing his power over her.
12:50And not letting freedom of press exist in school.
12:54Why is he acting like he's got full authority when he's only the vice-principal?
12:59It doesn't feel like it makes sense to make the vice-principal such an antagonist.
13:05Mr. Kraft literally didn't need to exist because I'm pretty sure you could have just had the principal do everything he did.
13:11And nobody would have questioned it because most people aren't an expert on what the jobs of a principal are.
13:19No wonder he got made principal later, but that wasn't really fixing the complaints.
13:24They're supposed to get rid of this character because there's no enjoyment in him in any of the conflict he creates.
13:30And we almost never see him suffer because of what Sabrina does.
13:34He's just annoying.
13:35He only fell for Hilda after seeing her dressed in a very masculine way where she was blocked partly by the tree leaves and to the side.
13:44And her hair was short.
13:46And he didn't act like he was surprised to find out she's a girl.
13:50This has to mean he's bisexual.
13:52But since it was written in the 90s,
13:54it's probably just a plot hole from the writer not caring about the story making sense
13:59that makes the depressing plot progression all the more forced.
14:03I can make it make sense, so it's forgivable.
14:05What's not is writing a Sabrina story for a younger demographic where Sabrina gets Hilda kissed against her will.
14:12This isn't what Sabrina would do.
14:15What if Kraft kissing Hilda didn't break her out of the spell,
14:18and so Sabrina kept going with it?
14:20The only reason she stopped was because of that.
14:25It's such an assassination of her character to imply that she would have kept doing this for years.
14:31How did it get to a point where everyone writing the episodes of these shows
14:36are writing them without having access to a constant piece of paper or something that says,
14:42here's what the personality traits of these characters are supposed to be?
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