00:00Sabrina 90's show Sabrina Gets Her License Part 1
00:04The aunts tell Sabrina happy birthday and she gets a kiss and thanks them.
00:10I'm surprised she's 17 already and there's so many more seasons of her being in high school.
00:17She's given a study book because when a witch turns 17 she arbitrarily has to put up with a quiz master for a magic license.
00:25Somehow it's against the rules to tell her the consequences for failing the test.
00:32And yet Hilda says they've got to tell her and Zelda tells her not to without also reminding her that there's a horrible punishment for breaking that rule.
00:42And she'd have a stronger case if she said we're constantly being spied on which is the only reason anyone would know that the rule is broken.
00:52And if that's not the case, which it shouldn't be because Hilda doesn't know they're being spied on, then why would she even care about breaking the rule?
01:04A girl named Valerie was somehow pathetic enough to walk into Sabrina and eventually warns that she's shallow and tells Sabrina to leave her because she drags her down.
01:14And is glad she's still going to talk to her.
01:18She's so lame.
01:20The teacher says she could do something for college credit and Sabrina thinks she can handle it and hardly gives Sabrina earrings.
01:29He somehow thought she'd like a knife better.
01:33He thanks her for saying that she'll bake him some cookies for the sale.
01:36Valerie admires Sabrina like Sabrina's a Mary Sue, and somehow she once got rejected as a friend because that person's somehow been having interviews all year.
01:48Libby doesn't want any freaks to make school news, so Valerie tells Sabrina she should try out for the school paper.
01:55Some paper magically flies around in the kitchen, and Sabrina's told she's getting herself swamped with work.
02:02Libby asks Sabrina if she's here for the loser convention, and she says,
02:08Yeah, I found it.
02:10Which was a great line.
02:12It's explained that this year getting to write the school paper will not be a popularity contest.
02:18There's no way it would have been one before.
02:22Anyone who's interested can submit an editorial now, and Sabrina says she didn't even use magic.
02:29Somehow, only Valerie heard this,
02:31and Sabrina says she used slang.
02:35If anyone else heard this, they would have called her out on her line.
02:39You know, you could just have Valerie know.
02:43Maybe that could have made up for things.
02:46Zelda says she memorized the whole book,
02:49and Salem reminds us of the message of the episode.
02:52As if it wasn't obvious the instant Sabrina took on more work from that teacher.
02:58Harvey sounds stupid talking on the phone with Sabrina, and Sabrina falls asleep from it.
03:04The quiz master shows up in this teenage girl's bedroom without her permission.
03:08Why did he even show up if he wasn't going to quiz her right away?
03:14He wasted both of their time.
03:17Later on at school, he goes from freezing time for Sabrina to speeding up time to make Sabrina late,
03:23just to be a dick, apparently.
03:27Somehow, each poster for honoring a football player is required by the vice principal to be made by the girlfriend of the football players.
03:36Even though not every football player is going to have a girlfriend.
03:40And it's not the 50s anymore.
03:43So Sabrina calls him out on this unrealistic nonsense.
03:48I hate that it's been Rinvey's gonna punish her for it.
03:52Honestly, I don't even remember if there were any vice principals at either of my schools.
03:58So I don't think they were as prominent as this guy is in the show.
04:03Libby sucks up to him, and Zelda keeps Hilda from zapping the study book to Sabrina
04:08because they aren't allowed to meddle somehow.
04:11And telling her to study the first time wasn't meddling?
04:16I don't know why the Witch's Council would want witches to risk losing their powers.
04:21Aren't they really prideful of their own magic?
04:25Isn't that why that spell book got out from under her bed?
04:29How did he even get there?
04:31He can't use magic.
04:33I get to see Sabrina run into the vice principal.
04:36Sabrina zaps up some cookies, and the vice principal finds it suspicious
04:40because he just saw her without cookies.
04:44The quiz master zaps the cookies away, and he tells her to reverse the spell,
04:49and she doesn't know how, somehow.
04:53And I said, yeah, right.
04:56Then, somehow, Sabrina doesn't just zap up new cookies.
04:59And I'm forced to watch Harvey whine at her that she doesn't have time for him and to forget about the dance.
05:06What a garbage writer.
05:08He shouldn't have been allowed to think up the quiz master.
05:12It's so obvious that he's jealous of Sabrina and thinks she shouldn't have her powers.
05:16I then get to see some padding where the ants show each other their daydreams.
05:22It's blatant padding.
05:24They're acting like they just got their powers.
05:28Why isn't the person carrying Salem away wondering why he's hearing a human voice from Salem?
05:34Zelda wants to figure out what to do for fun,
05:37and says they could buy stocks as if that's a way to have fun.
05:40I get to see something float and spin around.
05:45The quiz master teleports around.
05:48Somehow calling it molecular transference.
05:52Why does Sabrina think she doesn't know how to do that?
05:56It wouldn't be hard for her to imagine she's somewhere else.
06:00Didn't she do that before?
06:02She told Salem,
06:04I'm not going to go on the trip without you.
06:07And then she warped a second time.
06:10Zelda says Sabrina does know how to do that.
06:13And somehow, Sabrina can't do it.
06:16Multiple times.
06:18Hilda says Sabrina shorted her finger,
06:21and Zelda says it's too much stress.
06:23Even if that was something that could happen to witches,
06:26the witches would all band together and combine their powers
06:29so that it wouldn't be the case anymore.
06:32This has never happened before in all the times she's been stressed out in the show.
06:37Sabrina gets made the new editor,
06:39and it's given a lot of work.
06:42Somehow, Valerie thinks it's cool that she's the editor's friend.
06:47Harvey says it's great that she got the position.
06:50And he says let's never fight again.
06:53Sabrina says she'll make him a poster for the dance.
06:56It's easy to figure out why.
06:59She's just making it up to him.
07:01She agrees to go to the dance,
07:03and I wonder why I was expected to believe that Sabrina handmade that poster.
07:08Sabrina could have studied for the magic test
07:10if she had simply zapped up the poster.
07:13The quiz master doesn't care that she didn't study
07:15because he's a psychopath and warps her to the living room.
07:19Well, I would expect her to do this in the living room.
07:21He asks her how to find the speed of a speeding train.
07:26And now she can warp.
07:29She warps to the train conductor's room to find the speed of it,
07:32and it's silently implied that someone thought he was hallucinating from the food.
07:36The other guy she warps to gets told he had a dream.
07:40She's told there's only one track in Westbridge,
07:43and she diverts it,
07:45and somehow this causes the train to crash into her house.
07:49The quiz master says she has to think about the consequences before she acts,
07:54even though there's no way she could have ever thought this would happen.
07:59And logically, the people on that train would have died.
08:03But nobody acknowledges that.
08:05The ants hardly emotionally react to this.
08:09Well, that's nice.
08:11It has to be because mortals were in the train.
08:14Sabrina's gonna have to go to military school for two days.
08:18She's told she'll get to kill and cook her own food.
08:22Only a sadist would like this.
08:24What a garbage story.
08:27Why did they allow this to be made for a family-friendly sitcom episode?
08:32You can't tell me this is why people watch Sabrina.
08:37And the episode ends there.
08:39Like they thought we might not watch the rest of the season
08:42if this dogshit episode didn't end on a cliffhanger.
08:46This story by Miriam Trogdon
08:49is about Sabrina getting herself so swamped with work for a high school
08:53that she doesn't have time to study for the magic test.
08:57Which she shouldn't even need to study for.
08:59She's used magic a lot before this.
09:01But when we see the magic test itself
09:03there's no chance whatsoever
09:05that any kind of studying would have prevented her from failing it.
09:10She would have had to imagine the train tracks
09:13leaning towards the wall of her house
09:15for the train to crash through her house.
09:18So the only reason it would happen
09:19would be that the quiz master sabotaged her spell
09:22because she didn't study for the test.
09:25What did the study book have?
09:27one line that says
09:29there's only one train track in Westbridge
09:32and if you zap up another one
09:34there's a curse so that it'll magically go to your house?
09:38What else was she supposed to do?
09:41Why would there be two trains
09:43and they're destined to crash into each other all along?
09:47The quiz master must have made it that way.
09:50That's crazy.
09:52So she has to go to military school.
09:55This is bullshit.
09:57You would think that a magic test
10:00would be about a huge variety of spells
10:02and so she would ace it.
10:05The quiz master is written to remind us
10:07that witches can freeze time in this very episode
10:10which only increases the chances
10:12that you'll realize that the ending never would have happened.
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