- 6 months ago
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00:00This record is brilliant.
00:21They're a new band called The Specials, and this is a new version of an old Prince Buster song.
00:24I don't usually like it when new bands do old songs, but this one's great.
00:28I really, really like it.
00:31This week I'm reading Love on the Dole by Walter Greenwood.
00:35It's set in Saltwood, which is in Manchester.
00:37I was a bit shocked when I read it, because it's set in the 1930s.
00:39I didn't know they had a dole back then.
00:41I thought it only happened because of Edward E. with the teeth and the three-day week,
00:44but it turns out very, very hard after World War I, especially up north.
00:49My big brother just read this.
00:51He laughed when I asked the borer it, and said, good luck.
00:54It's a bit annoying, because I'm a good reader, but I'm going to get past the first page, can I?
00:58Bit too brainy for me.
01:00I'll try it again when I'm a bit older.
01:03More come on, why is it on ITV now?
01:05It's a flippin' disaster.
01:10Don't argue!
01:12How come on, guns don't argue!
01:22How come on, guns don't argue!
01:23How come on, guns don't argue!
01:24How come on, guns don't argue!
01:25How come on, guns don't argue!
01:26How come on, guns don't argue!
01:27How come on, guns don't argue!
01:28How come on, guns don't argue!
01:29How come on, guns don't argue!
01:30How come on, guns don't argue!
01:31How come on, guns don't argue!
01:32How come on, guns don't argue!
01:33How come on, guns don't argue!
01:34How come on, guns don't argue!
01:35How come on, guns don't argue!
01:36How come on, guns don't argue!
01:37How come on, guns don't argue!
01:38How come on, guns don't argue!
01:39How come on, guns don't argue!
01:40How come on, guns don't argue!
01:41How come on, guns don't argue!
01:42Hey, hey.
01:54Look at this.
01:56It's a little fella from the 1900s.
01:58Oh, shut up.
01:59Look at the state of it.
02:00Are you consult?
02:02Where's your pipe, Randall?
02:03Nice original.
02:05Oh, I like your sexy shoes.
02:06Yours ain't much better.
02:10What's this crap you're listening to?
02:11It's not crap, man.
02:14It's jungle music.
02:16It's better than that rubbish you listen to.
02:18Elvis is dead, you know.
02:20Mouth on her.
02:24What would you say?
02:27Elvis, he's dead, isn't he?
02:37Giz-giz.
02:38What?
02:39Giz-giz.
02:40No.
02:40Oh, come on.
02:41You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
02:43No.
02:43You're gorgeous.
02:45You're the spit of Marilyn Monroe.
02:46You're taking the mick.
02:48Ha-ha.
02:49Nah.
02:50Am I?
02:51Are you nothing like Marilyn Monroe?
02:53I could have sworn you was her daughter or something.
02:54Well, leave me alone, will ya?
02:56Don't you ever say Elvis is dead to me again.
03:01Do you hear me?
03:02Well, yeah.
03:03He ain't dead.
03:05He'll never be dead.
03:08He's the king of rock and roll.
03:09It's all right.
03:10Yeah, he's going to live forever.
03:11He's the king of rock and roll.
03:28I got it.
03:38What?
03:39Gold and Benny.
03:40What happened?
03:41Fred the Ted.
03:42No.
03:43Smashed my recorder.
03:44Oh, my God.
03:46Took me ages to say for it.
03:48That's bang out of order.
03:51And it took me two days to make the tape.
03:53My dad's going through a sober phase.
03:55He keeps putting the flipping over on.
03:57If Tom Robinson was there, he kicked his head in.
04:01Is that the colour boy from The Flats?
04:03No.
04:04He does the Rock Against Racism.
04:06He did that Glad To Be Gay song.
04:08Oh.
04:09I know.
04:10It's a bit embarrassing, that.
04:11But it was a really, really good song.
04:13Yeah, my mum liked it.
04:14It's so bad a blow picking on a girl.
04:16Oh, man.
04:17He loomed in right close.
04:19I could see his feelings.
04:20His breath was all right.
04:22Minty.
04:23And he was nice looking, but, man, I thought I was a goner.
04:26I think teddy boys look stupid.
04:28Do you?
04:29Yeah, they all look about four.
04:30They look like me dad.
04:31Yeah, they do.
04:32They look like a bunch of old men.
04:33And to be quite honest, Mare, I can't tell the difference between Dwayne, Freddy, Eddie,
04:37or little Biddy Richard and Jerry Lee, what's it?
04:40And the Bing Bongs, whatever they're called.
04:42And me.
04:43And that sweeping rock dance they do.
04:45It's flipping ridiculous.
04:46Jive!
04:51Mum and my dad do the job and they've had a few whiskies.
04:53They look like a rock couple of pleb.
04:55I'll tell you what.
04:56I eat ed bangers more than Ted's.
04:58They're so ugly.
04:59That's the ed banging law.
05:01They can't wash or brush their teeth.
05:03If they've got a new pair of jeans, they've got to have a wheel on before I put them on.
05:06Oh!
05:07What would you do if Ed Bang asked you out?
05:09I'd be lucky if anyone asked me out.
05:13But if one did, I'd have to say no.
05:16There'd be a clashing musical taste.
05:18There'd be a Barney over the record player.
05:20And imagine every time he opened his mouth up for a Frenchie, gaggy, stinky breath.
05:24That'd be really bad.
05:25It'd be like a cat bringing up a Ferbo every time he went in for a smooch.
05:31Don't, it's making me feel sick.
05:33Don't, I'm a really weak stomach.
05:35Oh, friff me neck. Sorry, mate.
05:38I told you.
05:39You got a hanky?
05:41Nah.
05:42Or a tissue or something?
05:44Nah, sorry, mate.
05:46Blimey, that was mad.
05:51Got any chewing gum?
05:53Er, yeah, you are. Juicy fruits.
05:56I have two or people might think you're a headbanger with your sickie breath.
05:59How's that?
06:00Hold on.
06:01Don't. Come on.
06:02Where are we going, Guy?
06:03Up the Royal Oak.
06:04There was this thing on the radio last night saying there might be a sickie.
06:08secret gig.
06:09Really? What's the band?
06:10It's a secret gig, Guy.
06:11God, imagine if it's Junkie Jesus or the vibrators or something.
06:14I don't know any of them.
06:15I don't know any of them.
06:16Could be anyone but I would love it to be the specials. That would be the best thing ever.
06:19Well, I can come for a bit but then I'm meeting Larry at half-six.
06:22Oh, are you?
06:23I don't know you, I don't want to know anyone because I did even in the World...
06:28Right?
06:29There are many of them.
06:30I think I'm lebih than me.
06:31I am.
06:32I don't know.
06:33I've got to be a bit of a secret gig.
06:35Who's something?
06:36I don't know.
06:37What's the band?
06:38I've got to be a bit of a secret gig, Guy.
06:39Oh.
06:40I don't know any of them.
06:41I can come for a bit but then I'll meet Larry at half-six.
06:45Oh.
06:46and then I'm meeting Larry at half six.
06:48Oh, are you?
06:49Put you saw him yesterday.
06:51I did be wanting to see me again tonight.
06:53Blimey, he's keen, isn't he?
06:55It's three weeks.
06:56I never thought I'd go out with anybody for that long.
06:59I thought he'd be bored with me by now,
07:00but he says I'm the most interesting person he's ever met.
07:03You're going to see Wimpy?
07:04No, I'm meeting him there, but they just take me to the pictures.
07:07Going to the screen on the green.
07:08We're going to see Apocalypse Now.
07:11What?
07:12You can't see that, isn't it?
07:13I know, that's what I said.
07:15We've just got to make the work safe.
07:16His mate say he can sneak me in.
07:18Honestly, guy, Larry's got mates all over the place.
07:21Even those people from Stepney.
07:24Blimey.
07:25Can I come?
07:27Where?
07:27To the pictures.
07:28Do you think his mate can get me in as well?
07:30Oh, I don't know.
07:31I don't think so.
07:32Can't you ask Larry?
07:34I'd love to see Apocalypse Now.
07:35Barry Norman said it's the film of the year.
07:37I don't think he'd be allowed.
07:38He's taking away.
07:39He's just trying to get me in.
07:40You don't even like films.
07:42I'm the film buff.
07:43You fell asleep during this wonderful, flipping life.
07:45It's about the bad day, is it?
07:47It's about me hanging out with Larry.
07:48I haven't bothered about films, but the war ain't eight films about the war.
07:51See?
07:52I know, but it's what he wants to do, and I want to do what he wants.
07:56Oh.
07:57Well, you'd better be careful there, man.
07:59You don't want to do what he wants all the time.
08:01That could lead you down a slippery slope, and before you know it, you'll be going to
08:04the football and the boxing and stuff.
08:06Nah.
08:06You should have said you don't like war films.
08:08You should have said, well, thanks, darling, for the kind invitation, but I shall decline
08:13on the counter of the fact that war films bore me bum off.
08:16It's exciting, ain't it?
08:17Go and see an ex.
08:19Does your mum know?
08:20No.
08:21You won't tell her, will you?
08:23Blimey, mate.
08:23Who am I?
08:24I'll keep it.
08:26Anyway, I don't think we'll see any of the film.
08:28I think he'll just want to kiss me all the time.
08:31Yeah?
08:31Yeah, he can't stop kissing me.
08:33He said I'm a brilliant kisser.
08:35Did he?
08:36Yeah, man.
08:37Last week, he was all stubbly.
08:38I didn't have to shave.
08:39I had a big rash on my chin when I got home.
08:42I woke up in the morning, there was a scab, so I picked it off and put it under my pillow,
08:46because it was created by him, like a baby, sort of.
08:51Do you think that's disgusting?
08:52No, I think that's lovely.
08:54He was really sorry the next day when he saw the mark, but he said it was Markoff for being
08:59so gorgeous.
09:01He says I'm a much better kiss than Bernie Casey.
09:04He said she's like a vampire.
09:06That's why he don't like getting love bites, because she actually bit him once.
09:10I thought you were meant to bite.
09:11I thought that's why they're called love bites.
09:13No, you're meant to suck.
09:15Suck?
09:16Yeah, suck, guys, suck.
09:20Blimey.
09:20It's a good thing you've got a proper boyfriend.
09:22I don't know the half of it.
09:23He's teaching me loads.
09:25You ain't done anything else with him, have you?
09:27No, of course not.
09:28Just kissing.
09:30I let him feel my family's for a bit, but that's it.
09:32He knows I'm not ready for anything else just yet.
09:35Good.
09:36Glad to hear it.
09:37You ain't been with him long.
09:38You don't want him to think you're a slag.
09:40Oh, I love kissing him, though, man.
09:42Makes me go all dreamy.
09:44Yesterday, we did a French that lasted over seven minutes.
09:48He's got a digital watch and times them.
09:50He could have gone to ten bites of sneeze.
09:52Flipping heck.
09:53I wish I had a poxy boyfriend.
09:55I've only had two snogs in my whole life, and the second one was rotten, because he'd been slipping glue.
10:00Yuck.
10:01Has that Larry got any mates that would fancy me?
10:04No, I don't think so.
10:05They're all older than us, ain't they?
10:07Maybe there'll be some when you start your drama club.
10:09Oh, that could be ages away.
10:11I've had my name on the list for two flipping years now.
10:14I'll be a worn-out old bag in my 20s by the time I get in.
10:17Please, can I come to Apocalypse Now with you?
10:19Right.
10:19What a week.
10:27I don't mind telling you, sister, I'm fair worn out with it, but I'm satisfied.
10:31Do you know what I mean?
10:32Job satisfaction.
10:34There's nothing quite like it.
10:35Yeah.
10:35I'm looking forward to the film tonight.
10:38Oh, I love Friday night film night.
10:39Great crack.
10:41I get a childlike excitement in my belly when I see Michael pull up in the van and heave
10:45all that magnificent equipment into the dining room.
10:49I love it when I have my crisps, my orange juice, and if I'm lucky, my Toblerone, and
10:53then the curtains are drawn and the whole room goes black.
10:57Oh, apart from the beautiful red glow pulsing from the icon of Our Lady.
11:01And the anticipation.
11:03I love the anticipation.
11:06What is it?
11:07What film will it be?
11:07Will it be an old favourite?
11:08Will it be something new?
11:10Do you know what would be marvellous?
11:14Song of Bernadette.
11:15Now, we haven't seen that in the longest time, and I love, love, love and adore the Song
11:18of Bernadette.
11:19Will you calm down?
11:22It's a beautiful film.
11:25In fact, it's the film that convinced me that this was my calling.
11:29Jennifer Jones is a joy to behold.
11:32She's so holy.
11:34What an actress.
11:37I'd go as far as to say she could be my favourite.
11:40Could she now?
11:44I like Catherine Hepburn, of course.
11:45Who doesn't?
11:46And Bette Davis is filled with a devilment that I secretly admire.
11:49But yes, I'd have to admit, Jennifer Jones is my favourite actress.
11:53And what may I ask are your views on suicide?
12:00Suicide?
12:01Yes, sister.
12:02Suicide.
12:03It's a simple enough question.
12:05Well, I should imagine my opinion is much the same as yours.
12:08It's a dreadful thing for a person to do.
12:10It's a sin.
12:11I'm one of the big ones.
12:12That's right.
12:13It's a whopper.
12:14Abhorrent.
12:16So how would you feel if I was to tell you that Miss Jennifer Jones made an attempt to
12:22take her own life?
12:23What?
12:23That's right.
12:24She didn't.
12:24She did indeed.
12:25God blesses and favours.
12:26And what if I was to tell you that Miss Jones's daughter, a child she brought into this world
12:32and brought up under the guidance of our Lord Jesus Christ, also made an attempt to take
12:38her own life and succeeded.
12:40Oh, Jesus, Mary.
12:41Joseph, that can't be true.
12:42Oh, I assure you it's very true indeed.
12:45You see, you're a very naive creature, sister.
12:49As naive as some of these eejits we teach.
12:52I'm devastated.
12:53And so you should be.
12:54Actresses.
12:57There are hoards at the feckin' world.
13:02That's it.
13:03Game over.
13:04Back off home.
13:05Woo!
13:20Sing if you're flat to me, guy.
13:23Sing if you're happy that way.
13:27Hey!
13:28Sing if you're glad to be gay.
13:32Sing if you're happy that way.
13:36Sing if you're glad to be gay.
13:40Sing if you're happy that way.
13:43Oh, Larry, don't hear me singing that.
13:55Hello?
13:56Black hole 1, 2, 1.
13:57Stop it.
13:58Hello?
13:59This is the phone box.
14:02Oh, no.
14:03I can't see no one.
14:05Hang on.
14:05See if there's a block around the corner.
14:13Oh, flippin' heck.
14:18Oi, phone.
14:21There's someone on the phone for you.
14:25He's just coming.
14:26Goodbye.
14:26Quick coffee.
14:27Hello there.
14:29Hello.
14:29How you doing?
14:30All right.
14:31Are you my new secretary?
14:33No.
14:33Yeah, you're my new secretary, sweetheart.
14:36And you, you're the cleaner.
14:38Flip off, aren't you cleaner?
14:39Who's that on the phone?
14:41I don't know.
14:41Ask them.
14:42You ask them, aren't you slave?
14:43Ask them.
14:46Who is it?
14:48Yeah, he's here.
14:48He wants to know who it is.
14:50It's your mum.
14:53You can't do that.
14:54I was your mum.
14:55That's really wrong.
14:56That was so rude.
14:57You go to hell for that.
14:58Yeah, it's like one of the deadly sins, guy.
15:00If she got it tomorrow, you feel really, really bad.
15:01If she died, you just don't need to feel worse.
15:03Shut your kickle.
15:04I don't know who it is.
15:11Don't I know yous?
15:12No.
15:13Are you sure?
15:14Yeah.
15:15There's a wee bell in my head going ding-a-ling-a-ding.
15:19Sure, I ain't the phone ringing again.
15:20Do you think you're funny?
15:22No.
15:23Do you think you're Charlie Chaplin?
15:24No.
15:25Do you think you're Ken Dodd?
15:27No.
15:27You look like Ken Dodd.
15:29You look like one of his diddy men.
15:30No, I don't, guy.
15:31Yeah, you do.
15:32You've got the hair and the hat and the teeth.
15:35You've got terrible teeth, man.
15:37Why have you got such terrible teeth?
15:39Don't be so rude.
15:40Does your mummy never take you to the dentist?
15:43No, her mum doesn't take you to the dentist because her mum can't take you to the dentist because her mum's dead, guy.
15:47It's all right, man.
15:48What?
15:49Is your mummy dead?
15:50Have you got a dead mummy?
15:51Yeah, it's all right.
15:52Don't worry about it, man.
15:53I am so, so sorry.
15:56Not again.
15:56It's all right.
15:57You didn't kill her.
15:58I am so sorry.
15:59Take this.
16:01Take it.
16:01No, you're all right.
16:02Take it.
16:03Ease the pain that I'm feeling in my heart.
16:06Okay, man.
16:07Thanks.
16:07See?
16:08Maybe she'll be nicer to your mum.
16:09Maybe she'll talk to her if she rings again because maybe next time you want to talk to her, she might be dead.
16:14And then you'd feel really, really bad.
16:16Yeah.
16:17I like you.
16:18You're full of spunk.
16:21Whoa.
16:22What?
16:22That's disgusting.
16:23You're the most punk of me, guy.
16:25Yeah.
16:25She's got a boy who'll beat you up if she tells you to.
16:28It's nice to do your fighting.
16:29So what?
16:30Tell him.
16:30See if I care.
16:32I do judo.
16:33I'm a kung fu fighter, sort of.
16:35Shut your stupid mouth.
16:36My flowers might be the fans in your eyes.
16:38But you're not going wrong.
16:40That was really funny.
16:57You were brilliant.
16:58I was shaking him with boobs.
17:00He's an idiot.
17:01I ain't scared of him.
17:02I am.
17:03He's been locked up in the friend barnet.
17:05That's where all the nut nuts go.
17:06What?
17:07My dad said he stabbed a dog in the head.
17:10What?
17:11The fork.
17:12Blimey.
17:13You could have killed us.
17:14Yeah, guys.
17:19Mayor.
17:20Yeah?
17:21Are my teeth bad?
17:23Who worries about that fork?
17:24Because of what he said.
17:25I mean, I know they ain't straight and shiny like yours, but it can't be so bad that a flipping
17:30borderline tramp has to say something.
17:33Larry said something.
17:35What?
17:36Larry said something about your teeth.
17:38When?
17:39Why?
17:40What did he say?
17:41He wasn't being horrible.
17:42What, what, what?
17:43What I'd asked, you see?
17:44I'd asked already if he had any mates that might fancy you.
17:46Did you?
17:47When?
17:48The other day.
17:49Why didn't you say earlier?
17:50I do upset you.
17:51Oh, flipping exit really bad.
17:52No, not really bad.
17:53No, not really bad.
17:54Well, come on then.
17:55What did he say?
17:56No, no, no.
17:57Tell me what you said first, then tell me exactly what he said.
18:00Well, we were just sat there holding hands and I said, do you think Kath's pretty?
18:04What?
18:05Why did you ask him out?
18:06Even though I know the flipping answer to that one.
18:08No, listen.
18:09And he said, I wouldn't say pretty, I'd say handsome.
18:12Ansem?
18:13Blokes are flipping handsome.
18:15Are you gonna let me finish?
18:17Yeah.
18:18Sorry, mate, I just feel bright red.
18:20I said just that.
18:21I said, but blokes are handsome, not girls.
18:23He said, no, you can call girls handsome if they're not pretty, pretty, but they're not
18:27dead ugly either.
18:28But then he said, don't get me wrong, she's not bad, it seemed worse.
18:32And then he said, she's a bit lad and a bit fat, but if she got a chopper sorted out,
18:36she could be all right.
18:38Why did he say I was lad?
18:40Eh?
18:41Why did he say I was a bit lad?
18:42I don't know.
18:43Didn't you ask?
18:44No.
18:45Oh, you should have asked him.
18:48Sorry.
18:49Well, I don't think being lad is a bad thing.
18:52I think that's a bloke thing.
18:53I think blokes like girls who are quiet, because they like to be the lad one, or the chatty
18:58one, or the funny one.
19:00See, I don't mind the rest of the stuff, that's quite useful, and you're a good mate
19:04for asking, but he can stick being lad up his anal.
19:07Don't tell him I said that, though.
19:09I won't.
19:10Oh, I don't flipping believe it.
19:11What?
19:12It's a load of flipping old timers.
19:14Don't let them see me.
19:15Oh, flipping it.
19:16What do I do now?
19:17I don't know.
19:18I've got to go in a minute.
19:19What a waste of flipping time.
19:20I'd really better go.
19:21I thought I'd be late meeting Larry.
19:22Is that new?
19:23Yeah, Larry bought it for me.
19:24What for?
19:25Three-week anniversary.
19:26Ain't it fancy?
19:27Yeah, yeah, it's really nice.
19:28I'd better go.
19:29What?
19:30Oh.
19:31Yeah, all right then.
19:32Will you be okay?
19:33Of course I will.
19:34What are you going to do?
19:35Don't know.
19:36Go home, I suppose.
19:37Can't hang around there.
19:38I'll get my flaming head kicked in.
19:39I will.
19:40I'd best be off.
19:41Yeah, have a nice time.
19:42Oh, and when you see Larry's mate, you know, the one who's going to sneak you in, could you
19:55ask me if you could sneak me in when Quadrophenia comes out?
19:58I really, really want to see it, and I absolutely cannot wait till I'm 18, because that would
20:01be the worst thing ever.
20:02Okay.
20:03Tell him that I've got the original album, and that I'm a massive fan of Phil Daniels,
20:06because he was in Raven.
20:07He goes to the drama club and I'm waiting to get in, so that's really, really important
20:09that I see it.
20:10Okay.
20:11And tell him that I'll pay him, and there is no way on this earth that I will tell
20:14anyone about it, so I wouldn't get into trouble.
20:16Okay, see you later then.
20:17See you later, guy.
20:18All right, just read!
20:19Come on!
20:40Wait, wait, wait!
20:41I'll kick in!
20:42I'll kick in!
20:43Look!
20:48Please, any of these?
21:10Hey, Fred!
21:11Come on, Fred, where are ya?
21:18It's alright now, mate. Go on.
21:35Muppet.
21:48Alright, Ted. Flippin' item.
22:18I'm gonna get to this place.
22:20Bless.
22:21I'll say to you.
22:23I've got the place to do it.
22:25I want to do it.
22:27See you later.
22:28Ready?
22:29Bye!
22:30Facebook or Facebook?
22:31Facebook?
22:32Facebook?
22:33Facebook?
22:34nicht mehr?
22:36Facebook?
22:37Facebook?
22:39Oh, es ist das?
22:41Na?
22:42Oh?
22:43Oh!
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