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00:00I love you
00:39Oh, God. Bills, bills, bills.
00:42One is born, one runs up bills, one dies.
00:45And what have I got to show for it? Nothing.
00:48A butler's uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo.
00:52Honestly, Balric, sometimes I feel like a pelican.
00:55Whichever way I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me.
01:00Pass the biscuit barrel.
01:02Let's see what's in the kitty, shall we?
01:07Ninepence.
01:07Oh, God, what are we going to do?
01:10Don't worry, Mr. B. I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
01:15Yes, Balric, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mother's low ceiling by cutting
01:19off her head.
01:21But this is a really good one.
01:24One, you become a dashing highwayman, then you can pay all your bills, and on top of that, everyone will
01:30want to sleep with you.
01:31Balric, I could become a prostitute and pay my bills, and everyone would want to sleep with me, but I
01:36do consider certain professions beneath me.
01:38But besides which, I fail to see why a common thief should be idolised, just because he has a horse
01:43between his legs.
01:43My favourite's the shadow.
01:46What a man.
01:47They say he's halfway to being the new Robin Hood.
01:50Why only halfway?
01:51Well, he steals from the rich, but he hasn't got round to giving it to the poor.
01:55Oh, look, I've got a poster of him.
01:59Balric, I have no desire to get hung for wearing a silly hat.
02:02If I want to get rich quick, all I have to do is go upstairs and ask Prince Fathead for
02:06a rise.
02:09Oh, the bank's open.
02:15Good morning, sir.
02:17May I say how immensely rich you're looking.
02:20Now, was there anything you wanted, sir?
02:21Anything at all?
02:22Absolutely anything?
02:23Well, yes, old fellow, I was wondering if you could possibly lend me a bit of cash.
02:26But of course, sir, I...
02:28Cash?
02:29Yes.
02:30I'm rotten, stinking, stony, stinking broke.
02:33But, sir, what about the £5,000 that Parliament voted you only last week to drink yourself to death with?
02:39Oh, darn, I'm afraid.
02:40You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun new game.
02:44It's called Cards.
02:46What happens is, you sit round a table with your friends, and you deal out five cards each,
02:50and then the object of the game is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.
02:55Do you know it?
02:56Vaguely, sir, yes.
02:58All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.
03:00I seem to remember I was very bad at it.
03:01I always seem to end up with more money than I started with.
03:04Yes, well, it's all down to practice.
03:06I'm a natural, apparently.
03:07The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty damn expensive.
03:10So, basically, I was wondering if you could lend me a couple of hundred.
03:13I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
03:14I'm as poor as a church mouse that's just had an enormous tax bill
03:18on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse taking all the cheese.
03:22What am I going to do?
03:24Yes, it's a difficult one.
03:26Well, let's see now.
03:27You can't borrow money.
03:28You're not going to inherit any money.
03:31And, obviously, you can't earn money.
03:33Sir?
03:34Sir?
03:36Drastic situations call for drastic measures.
03:38If you can't make money, you'll have to marry it.
03:41Marry?
03:42Never!
03:43I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder.
03:46I'm a roarer, a rogerer, a gorger and a puker.
03:50I can't marry.
03:51I'm young.
03:52I'm firm buttocked.
03:54I'm...
03:54Froak.
03:56Well, yes, I suppose so.
03:57And don't forget, sir, that the modern church smiles
04:00on roaring and gorging within wedlock.
04:03And, indeed, rogering is keenly encouraged.
04:07And the puking?
04:09I believe it's still very much down to the conscience
04:11of the individual churchguards.
04:13Oh, yes, tally-ho, then, Blackadder.
04:14Yes, you fix it up.
04:16You know the kind of girls I like.
04:17They've got to be lovers, laughers, dancers and bonkers.
04:23Well, that goes without saying.
04:25Oh, God.
04:27Something wrong, Mr. Bate?
04:29I can't find a single person suitable to marry the prince.
04:32Oh, please keep trying.
04:33I love a royal wedding.
04:35The excitement, the crowds, the souvenir mugs.
04:39The worrying about whether the bride's lost weight.
04:44Unlikely with this lot, I'm afraid.
04:45If the prince had stipulated must weigh a quarter of a ton,
04:48we'd be laughing.
04:50Of the 262 princesses in Europe,
04:53165 are over 80, they're out.
04:5547 are under 10, they're out.
04:57And 39 are mad.
04:59Well, they sound ideal.
05:01Well, they would be if they hadn't all got married last week
05:03in Munich to the same horse.
05:06Which leaves us with two.
05:08And what about them?
05:09Well, there's Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin.
05:12We'll never get her to marry him.
05:13Why not?
05:13Well, because she's met him.
05:19Which leaves.
05:21Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
05:24And what's wrong with her?
05:25Get more coffee.
05:26It's horrid.
05:27Change it.
05:27Take me roughly from behind.
05:28No, not like that.
05:29Like this.
05:30Trousers off.
05:30Tackle out.
05:31Water dog.
05:32What I present to you.
05:33Oh, why?
05:33Which one do you want me to do first?
05:36No, that's what Caroline's like.
05:39She's famous for having the worst personality in Germany.
05:43And as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
05:48So, you're stuck then?
05:50Yes, I'm afraid I am.
05:52Unless...
05:54Oh, unless.
05:54Pass me the paper, Balric, quick.
05:58Balric, why is half the front page being cut?
06:01I don't know.
06:03You do know, don't you?
06:04Yes.
06:06You've been cutting out the cuttings about the elusive shadow to put in your highwayman's scrapbook, haven't you?
06:12Oh, I can't help it, Mr. B.
06:14His life is so dark and shadowy and full of fear and trepidation.
06:20So is going to the toilet in the middle of the night when you don't keep a scrapbook on it.
06:24I do?
06:25Let's see.
06:27Now, let's see.
06:28Society pages.
06:29You see, it needn't necessarily be a princess.
06:31All the prince wants is someone pretty and rich.
06:34Oh, dear.
06:35That rules me out, then.
06:36Now, let me see.
06:38Beau Brummel in purple pants probe.
06:42King talks to tree.
06:44Few what a loony.
06:47God, the Times has really gone downhill recently.
06:51Listen to this.
06:52Listen to this.
06:54Mysterious northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood, comes to London and spends flipping great wadges of cash.
07:02That's our baby.
07:06Honestly, Blackheader, I don't know why I'm bothering to get dressed.
07:08As soon as I get to the naughty Hellfire Club, I'll be de-bagged and radished for non-payment of
07:13debts.
07:14Radished, sir?
07:15Yes, they pull your britches down and push a large radish.
07:18Yes, yes, yes.
07:22There's no need to hammer it home.
07:25As a matter of fact, they do want to do it.
07:26No, no!
07:29Your, um, your money worries are over, sir.
07:32Well, hurrah for that.
07:33I have found you a bride.
07:35Her name is Amy, daughter of the noted industrialist, Mr Hardwood.
07:39Oh, damn it, Blackheader.
07:40You know I loathe industrialists.
07:42Sad, balding little trolls in their damn-your-eyes whiskets.
07:46All puffed up just because they know where to put the legs on a pair of trousers.
07:50Believe me, sir, these people are the future.
07:52This man probably owns half of Lancashire.
07:55His family's got more mills than you've got brain cells.
08:00How many mills?
08:02Seven, sir.
08:04How many mills, then?
08:05Yes, he has patented a machine called the Raveling Nancy.
08:09What does it do?
08:11It ravels cotton, sir.
08:12What for?
08:14That I cannot say, sir.
08:15I'm one of those people who are quite happy to wear cotton, but have no idea how it works.
08:20She's also a beauty, sir.
08:22Well, if she's going to be my bird, she'd better be.
08:25Right, so what's the plan?
08:26Well, I thought I could take her a short note, expressing your honourable intentions.
08:31Yes, yes, I think so, too.
08:32All right, then.
08:33Well, take this down.
08:35From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Miss Amy Hardwood.
08:39Tally-ho, my fine, saucy young trollop.
08:43You're welcome, sir.
08:44Trip along here with all your cash and some naughty night attire,
08:48and you'll be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart.
08:55Yours, with the deepest respect, et cetera, sign George.
08:58P.S.
08:59Woof, woof.
09:01Well, what do you think?
09:03It's very moving, sir.
09:05Would you mind if I change just one tiny aspect of it?
09:09Which one?
09:10The words.
09:12Oh, yes, I'll leave the details to you, Blackadder.
09:15Just make sure she knows I'm all man with a bit of animal thrown in.
09:18Perfect.
09:20Certainly, sir.
09:23From His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales to Miss Amy Hardwood.
09:27The upturned tilt of your tiny wee nosy smells as sweet as a great big posy.
09:34Fanciful stuff, of course, madam, but from the heart.
09:37He says my nosy is tiny.
09:38And wee, madam.
09:41Oh, well, he must be an awful clever, Glox, because, you see, my nosy is tiny.
09:46And so wee that I sometimes think the pixies gave it to me.
09:56He continues.
09:59Oh, Lady Amy, Queen of all your sex.
10:02I apologise for the word, madam, but Prince George is a man of passion.
10:05Don't worry.
10:06I can get pretty cross myself sometimes.
10:11Tell me, Mr. Blackadder, I've heard a teensy rumour
10:14that the prince has the manners of a boy cow's dingle-dangle.
10:18What do you have to say to that?
10:20Oh, that is a lie, madam.
10:22Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass
10:26and unbelievably thick and gitties.
10:28Whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallowy, pigletty type of creature.
10:34Oh, I'm so glad, because, you see, I'm a delicate tiny thing myself.
10:40Weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit.
10:43So I could never marry a horrible half-a-lump or I might get squished.
10:49Tell me, when can I meet the lovely prince?
10:52You want to meet him?
10:54Well, if we're going to get married, I think I probably ought to.
10:57I know.
10:58Tell him to come and serenade me tonight.
11:01I'll be on my balcony in my gym jams.
11:06Hey-o.
11:07Who's this big girl's blouse head?
11:09Father, this is Mr. Blackadder.
11:12He's come a-wooing from the prince.
11:14You have a beautiful and charming daughter, sir.
11:16Indeed I do.
11:18I love her more than any pig, and that's saying something.
11:21It certainly is.
11:24Let me tell you, I'd no more place her in the hands of an unworthy man
11:28than I'd place my John Thomas in the hands of a lunatic with a pair of scissors.
11:34An attitude that does you credit, sir.
11:37I'd rather take off all my clothes and paint my bottom blue
11:40than give her to a man who didn't love her.
11:42What self-respecting father could do more?
11:45Well, the other hand, if he's the prince,
11:47he can have her for ten bob and a pickled egg.
11:50I can see where your daughter gets her ready wit, sir.
11:54Although where she gets her good looks and charm
11:56is perhaps more of a mystery.
11:58No one ever made money out of good looks and charm.
12:01You obviously haven't met Lady Hamilton, sir.
12:07I tell you, Baldrick, I'm not looking forward to this evening
12:10trying to serenade a light, fluffy bunny of a girl
12:14in the company of an arrogant half-German yob with a mad dad.
12:19He is the prince of Wales.
12:20Have you ever been to Wales, Warren?
12:22No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
12:25Well, don't. It's a ghastly place.
12:27Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men roam the valleys
12:31terrifying people with their close harmony singing.
12:36You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat
12:38just to pronounce the place name.
12:42Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick.
12:44You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
12:48So being prince of it isn't considered a plus?
12:51I fear not, no.
12:53But the crucial thing is that they must never be left alone together
12:56before the marriage.
12:57Isn't that a bit unfair on her?
12:59Well, it's not particularly fair on him, either.
13:01The girl is wetter than a haddock's bathing costume.
13:05But, you know, Baldrick, the world isn't fair.
13:07If it was, things like this wouldn't happen, would they?
13:15Right, so what's the plan?
13:17Shin up the drain and ask if she'll take delivery
13:19of her consignment of German sausage?
13:24As we rehearsed.
13:26Poetry first, sausage later.
13:30Sir, what if Harold the Horny Hunter should do the trick?
13:34Just remind me of it, sir.
13:36Harold the Horny Hunter had an enormous horn.
13:38Shh, yes, yes.
13:39It is absolutely excellent, sir.
13:41However, might I suggest an alternative?
13:44Lovely little dumpling, how in love I am.
13:47Let me be your shepherdkins.
13:49You can be my lamb.
13:52Well, I think we'll be very lucky
13:53if she doesn't just come out onto the balcony
13:54and vomit over us.
13:55It's the same of the world.
13:57Right, then, you're just right here, sir.
14:00Right.
14:01Call for her romantically.
14:03What?
14:04Oi, come on out here,
14:06you rollicking, jolloping sauce buttle!
14:10Woof, woof!
14:13Is that you?
14:16Yes, yes, yes, tis I,
14:18your gorgeous little love bundle.
14:21Oh, George,
14:22I think you must be the snuggly,
14:24wuggliest lambkin in the whole of Toyland.
14:28Yuck!
14:30What was that?
14:32Uh, nothing.
14:32There was just a little fly in my throaty.
14:35Yuck, yuck!
14:37You want a hanky-wanky
14:38to cop the flammy-wammy woo-woo into?
14:42Fwoar!
14:42Christ!
14:43What is that?
14:45Is there someone else down there with you?
14:47No, no, no.
14:48It was just the wind whistling through the trees
14:49and making a noise that sounded like
14:53Fwoar!
14:54Christ!
14:57Oh, joy!
14:59Then come, Prince Cuddly Kitten.
15:01Climb up my ivy.
15:03Sausage time!
15:05There is someone down there with you.
15:07Oh, my God, yes, yes, so there is.
15:09A filthy intruder spying on our love.
15:12Oh, hit him, George, hit him!
15:14Very well.
15:15Would you mind screaming, Your Highness?
15:17Take that!
15:18And that!
15:19And that!
15:21Oh, you're so brave!
15:24And I'm so worn out with all the excitement.
15:27I'd better go sleepy, Bobos,
15:28otherwise I'll be all cross in the morning.
15:32Nighty-night, Georgey-poorgy!
15:34Nighty-whitey, Amy-wamey.
15:37I think it worked, sir.
15:40In the morning, I shall go in and ask her father.
15:42You go out and start spending his money.
15:44I can't stand meanness when it comes to wedding presents.
15:47And well done, sir.
15:49You were brilliant.
15:49Was I?
15:50Yes, sir.
15:51But I'm in agony.
15:52Well, that's love for you.
15:55So, I come as emissary of the Prince of Wales
15:58with the most splendid news.
15:59He wants your daughter, Amy, for his wife.
16:02Well, his wife can't, have her.
16:05That lady, sir, to come here is such a suggestion.
16:09Night, sir!
16:10Or I shall take off me belt and by thunder,
16:12me trousers will fall down.
16:15Sir, you misunderstand.
16:16He wants to marry your lovely daughter.
16:19Oh!
16:20Oh!
16:21Can it be possibly true?
16:23Surely lovers never cross such boundaries of class.
16:26What about you and Mum?
16:27Well, yes, yes.
16:28Grantly, when I first met her,
16:30I was the farmer's son
16:31and she was just the lass who ate the dung.
16:33But that was an exception.
16:34And now did you talk to Uncle Ted?
16:35Yes, yes, all right.
16:36He was a pig poker
16:37and she was the Duchess of Argyle.
16:39I've talked to you, Ruth and Uncle Isaiah.
16:40She was a milkmaiden.
16:41He was the Pope.
16:42Yes, yes, all right.
16:44Don't argue.
16:46Suffice it to say,
16:47if you marry,
16:47we may never be poor or hungry again.
16:50Sir, we accept.
16:51Good.
16:51So, obviously, you'll be wanting
16:52an enormous ceremony.
16:54What did you say?
16:56Well, obviously,
16:57now we're marrying quality,
16:59we'll never be poor or hungry again.
17:02Meaning that you're poor and hungry at the moment?
17:04Oh, yes.
17:05We've been living off large butties for five years now.
17:08I'm so poor,
17:10I use my underpants for drying dishes.
17:13Sir, you're skint.
17:14Aye.
17:15Well, in that case,
17:16the wedding's off.
17:17Good day.
17:17Oh, but what about George's
17:19lovey-wovey poems
17:20that won my hearty-wovey?
17:22All writteny-whitney by me-wee,
17:24I'm afraid, he-wee-dee.
17:25Goodbye.
17:29Sir, you know I told you
17:31to go out and spend a lot of money
17:32on wedding presents.
17:34Well, a pa-
17:38Yes?
17:40Nothing.
17:45Crisis, Baldrick.
17:46Crisis.
17:48No marriage,
17:48no money,
17:49more bills.
17:50For the first time in my life,
17:51I've decided to follow a suggestion of yours.
17:53Saddle Prince George's horse.
17:55Oh, sir,
17:56you're not going to become a highway man,
17:57are you?
17:58No, I'm auditioning for the part
17:59of Arnold the Bat
18:00in Sheridan's new comedy.
18:03Oh, that's all right, then.
18:05Baldrick,
18:05have you no idea
18:06what irony is?
18:08Yeah.
18:09It's like goldy and bronzy,
18:11only it's made of iron.
18:13Never mind, never mind.
18:15Just saddle the prince's horse.
18:17Well, that'll be difficult.
18:18He wrapped around that gas lamp
18:19in the strand last night.
18:21Well, saddle my horse, then.
18:23What do you think
18:24you've been eating
18:24for the last two months?
18:27Well, go out into the street
18:28and hire me a horse.
18:30Hire your horse?
18:31For nine pence?
18:32One Jewish New Year
18:33in the rain?
18:34A bare fortnight
18:35after the dreaded horse plague
18:36of old London town?
18:38With the blacksmith's strike
18:39in its 15th week
18:40and the Dorset horse fetishist's fair tomorrow?
18:44Right.
18:44Well, get this on, then.
18:46It looks as though
18:47you could do any exercise.
18:51That's a little half.
18:52Ever since Mother died,
18:54you've tried to stop me growing up.
18:55I'm not a little girl.
18:57I'm a grown woman.
18:58In fact, I might as well
18:59tell you now, Papa.
19:00I'm pregnant,
19:01and I'm an opium fiend,
19:02and I'm in love
19:03with a poet called Shelley
19:04who's a famous whoopsie,
19:05and Mother didn't die.
19:06I killed her.
19:08Oh.
19:09Well, never mind.
19:14Stand and deliver.
19:15Oh, no.
19:16Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
19:18Disaster.
19:19It's the shadow.
19:20We're doomed.
19:21Doom.
19:22Hi, good evening, Duke.
19:23And the lovely Miss Cheapside.
19:25Your cash bags, please.
19:28There we are.
19:29You'll never get away with this,
19:30you scoundrel.
19:31You'll be caught and damn well hung.
19:32I think he looks pretty well hung.
19:34Madam, please,
19:35not the gesture
19:35about me looking pretty well hung already.
19:37We have no time.
19:38Me too.
19:39Now, sir,
19:40turn out your pockets.
19:41Never, sir.
19:42A man's pockets
19:43are his own private kingdom.
19:44I'll protect them with my life.
19:46Oh, I see.
19:46You've got something embarrassing
19:47in there, have you?
19:48Perhaps a particularly repulsive
19:50handkerchief, hmm?
19:51One of these fellows
19:52who has a big blow
19:53and then doesn't change it
19:54for a week.
19:55Oh, look, sorry.
19:57Ah-ha.
19:59Hi, woman.
19:59I also have a jewel.
20:01I fear, however,
20:02that I have placed it here
20:03beneath my petticoats
20:05for protection.
20:06Well, in that case, madam,
20:08I think I'll leave it.
20:09I'm not sure I fancied
20:10the idea of a jewel
20:11that's been in someone's pants.
20:13A single kiss
20:14of those soft lips
20:15is all I require.
20:17Never, sir.
20:18A man's soft lips
20:19are his own private kingdom.
20:21I shall defend them
20:22with my life.
20:23I'm not talking to you,
20:24grandad.
20:29Oh, I'm overcome.
20:31Take me with you
20:31to live the life
20:32of the wild rogue,
20:33cuddling under haystacks
20:34and making love
20:35in the branches
20:35of tall trees.
20:37Madam,
20:38sadly, I must decline.
20:39I fear my horse
20:40would collapse
20:40with you on top of him
20:41as well, I think.
20:42I could try.
20:48No, Quicksilver,
20:49you couldn't.
20:50Well, that's not fair, then.
20:52I've had you on my back
20:53for ten miles.
20:54I haven't even got
20:54a kiss out of it.
20:56Oh, all right.
20:56Very well, then.
21:00All fair now?
21:01Not really, no.
21:03No pleasing some horses.
21:05Hi-oh, Quicksilver!
21:06Yay!
21:09You did nothing
21:10to defend my honour.
21:11Oh, shut your face,
21:13you pregnant junkie fag-hag.
21:16Well, Baldry,
21:18a good night's work,
21:19I think.
21:20It's time to divide the loot,
21:21and I think it's only fair
21:22that we should share it equally.
21:24Which I suppose
21:25is highwayman's talk
21:26for you get the cash,
21:27I get the snotty hanky.
21:29No, no, no.
21:30We did this robbery together,
21:31so you get half the cash.
21:33Oh, thank you, Mr. B.
21:34This robbery, on the other hand,
21:35I'm doing alone.
21:36Hand it over,
21:37your money or your life.
21:41All fair and above, Baldry.
21:42Fair enough.
21:43As long as I haven't been cheated,
21:45I don't mind.
21:46Hands up!
21:47I'm the shadow,
21:48but I never miss.
21:50Oh, no.
21:51You!
21:52The one that looks like a pig.
21:55He's talking to you, Baldrick.
21:58Skedaddle!
22:03Sir, who have we here?
22:07Well, a well-set-up fellow indeed.
22:10Sir, a kiss.
22:13Sorry, I'm not sure
22:13I heard that correctly.
22:15Oh, dear.
22:16Maybe your ears need unblocking.
22:18Oh, I see, a kiss.
22:19Of course, of course, of course.
22:20And then perhaps
22:21a little light supper,
22:22some dancing.
22:23Who knows where it might be.
22:27Good Lord, it's you!
22:29Of course.
22:30But your voice, it's...
22:32Clever, isn't it?
22:33Does your father know you're out?
22:34He had to go.
22:36You mean he's dead?
22:37Yes.
22:38Dead as that squirrel.
22:40Which squirrel?
22:45Oh, that squirrel.
22:47Of course.
22:48You've killed him
22:49for ruining your chances
22:50of marrying Prince George.
22:52I despise the prince.
22:54Don't you know
22:55it's you I want?
22:57I want a real man.
22:59A man who can sew on a button.
23:02A man who knows
23:03where the towels are kept.
23:05And, yes,
23:06I crave your fabulous,
23:09sinewy body.
23:10Well, you're only human.
23:13Here's the plan, brown eyes.
23:15You rob the prince
23:16of everything he's got
23:17right down to the clothes
23:19he's standing in.
23:20I'll get my stash
23:21and meet you here.
23:22And then we'll run away
23:24to the West Indies.
23:25Well, I don't know.
23:26I'll have to think about it.
23:28I've thought about it.
23:29It's a brilliant plan.
23:31I'll see you here tomorrow.
23:36Right.
23:37Hello.
23:37Oh, sir,
23:38but what about the danger?
23:39Look, the reward's
23:40going up day by day.
23:42Ha!
23:42I laugh in the face of danger.
23:44I drop ice cubes
23:45down the vest of fear.
23:47Things couldn't be better,
23:49Baldrick.
23:49She'll get me abroad
23:50and make me rich.
23:51Then I'll probably drop her
23:52and get 200 concubines
23:54to share my bed.
23:56Won't they be rather prickly?
24:01Concubines, Baldrick,
24:02not porcupines.
24:03I still can't believe
24:05you're leaving me behind.
24:06Oh, don't you worry.
24:07When we're established
24:08on our plantation
24:09in Barbados,
24:10I'll send for you.
24:11No more sad little London
24:12for you, Baldr's.
24:13From now on,
24:14you will stand out
24:15in life as an individual.
24:17Will I?
24:17Well, of course you will.
24:18All the other slaves
24:19will be black.
24:21Oh, Mr. Blackadder,
24:23oh, what's all this
24:24I hear about you?
24:25Buying a bathing costume
24:27and 40 gallons
24:28of coconut oil.
24:29Are you going abroad then, sir?
24:31Yes, I'm off.
24:32Oh, sir,
24:33what a tragic end
24:35to all my dreams.
24:37And I'd always hope
24:38that you'd settle down
24:39and marry me
24:40and that together
24:41we might await
24:42this slither of tiny adders.
24:45Mrs. Anne,
24:46if we were the last
24:48three humans on Earth,
24:49I'd be trying to start
24:50a family with ball records.
24:57Well, here I am,
24:59all packed
24:59and ready to go.
25:01Darling,
25:02I'm so pleased to see you
25:04and I've got
25:04a little surprise for you.
25:06Close your eyes
25:07and open your mouth.
25:10Hand over the loop,
25:12goat brains.
25:15I always say
25:16that the bedrock
25:16of a good relationship
25:17is being able
25:18to laugh together.
25:19Good, well done.
25:20So, which way to Barbados?
25:21You're not going to Barbados.
25:23Get away from the cart,
25:25Mr. Slimy,
25:26or I'll fill you
25:26so full of lead
25:27we could sharpen your head
25:29and call you a pencil.
25:31This is turning
25:32on a really rotten evening.
25:34Well, you'd better
25:35make the most of it
25:36because it's your last.
25:39And it's a pity
25:41because it's usually
25:42against my principles
25:43to shoot dumb animals.
25:46Except squirrels.
25:47Yes.
25:48Bastards.
25:50I hate them
25:51with their long tails
25:52and their stupid
25:53twitchy noses.
25:57I shall return
25:58at midnight
25:59to collect the loot
26:00when I'll fill you
26:02so full of holes
26:03I could market you
26:04as a new English cheese.
26:10Oh, God.
26:12What a way to die.
26:13Shot by a transvestite
26:15on an unrealistic
26:16grassy knoll.
26:18Morning, Mr. B.
26:20Oh, Baldrick?
26:21Baldrick.
26:22Thank you for introducing
26:23me to a genuinely
26:24new experience.
26:26What experience is that?
26:27Being pleased to see you.
26:29Now, what are you doing
26:30here, you revolting animal?
26:32I've come for
26:33the Shadow's autograph.
26:34You know,
26:34I'm a great fan
26:35of the Shadow's.
26:36Yes, just in time,
26:37you Baldrick.
26:37Come on.
26:38What?
26:38Has he gone?
26:39Oh, what a pity.
26:41I wanted him to
26:41autograph my new poster.
26:43Look, his reward's
26:44gone up to £10,000.
26:46Good Lord.
26:48£10,000?
26:49Yep.
26:50That gives me an idea.
26:52Baldrick,
26:52take this cartload
26:53of loot back to the palace
26:55and meet me back here
26:56at midnight
26:56with ten soldiers,
26:58a restless lynch mob
26:59and a small portable gallows.
27:04Ah, brekkers.
27:06I could eat 14 trays
27:08of it this morning
27:08and still have room
27:09for a dolphin on toast.
27:12Any particular reason
27:13for this gluttonous levity,
27:15sir?
27:15Oh, what do you think,
27:16Blackadder?
27:17I'm in love.
27:18I'm in love.
27:19I'm in love.
27:19I'm in love.
27:20Oh, Amy.
27:21Bless all ten
27:22of your tiny little pinkies.
27:24Now, let's see
27:24what's in the paper.
27:27Oh, my God!
27:29She's been arrested
27:29and hanged!
27:33Really?
27:35It turns out
27:36she was a highwayman!
27:37Tch, these modern girls.
27:40Apparently,
27:40someone tipped off
27:41the authorities
27:42and collected
27:43the £10,000 reward.
27:45What a greasy sneak!
27:47Oh, if only
27:48I could get my hands on him.
27:49Tch, you can't test
27:50anyone these days, sir.
27:51It says here
27:52that she had
27:54an accomplice.
27:57But they don't know
27:57who it was.
28:00Amy, Amy, Amy,
28:02I shall never forget you.
28:04Never, ever,
28:05never, ever.
28:07Right, what's for breakfast?
28:09Pinteries.
28:10Great.
28:10Actually, come to think of it,
28:12Blackadder,
28:12I didn't need to get married anyway.
28:13I've got pots of money.
28:15Really?
28:16The most extraordinary
28:17thing happened.
28:17I was a bit peckish
28:18during the night
28:19so I nipped downstairs
28:20to the biscuit barrel.
28:21The biscuit barrel?
28:23And do you know
28:23what I found inside?
28:25£10,000
28:26that I never knew I had.
28:28I've got so much money now
28:29I don't know
28:29what to do with it.
28:31How about a game of cards, sir?
28:35Excellent idea!
28:55Let's go.
29:13Black Adder
29:15Adder
29:16Black Adder
29:17Black Adder
29:19Black Adder
29:21Black Adder
29:21Black Adder
29:22Black Adder
29:23Black Adder
29:23Black Adder
29:23Black Adder
29:24Adder
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