- hace 19 horas
Blackadder finds himself hosting a drinking competition on the same night he is entertaining his puritanical relatives.
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00:19You
00:39I must say, Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast
00:43before the rigours of the day begin.
00:45Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company
00:50so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
00:55Yes, I've heard that.
00:56Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead.
00:59Remind me I'm best.
01:01Beshrew me, Edmund, you're in good fooling this morning.
01:04Don't say beshrew me, Percy. Any stupid actors say beshrew me.
01:08How I would love to be an actor.
01:11I had a great talent for it in my youth.
01:13I was the man of a thousand faces.
01:15So how did you come to choose the ugly mug you've got now?
01:18You know, I've touched, my lord.
01:20Now, don't say tush, either.
01:22It's only a short step from tush to hey nonny nonny,
01:25and then I'm afraid I shall have to call the police.
01:27Well, God pats me on the head and says, good boy, Edmund.
01:32Who?
01:32My aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whitehudder, the two most fanatical Puritans in England,
01:37have invited themselves to dinner here tonight.
01:40But aren't they the most frightful boars?
01:42Yep, but they have one great redeeming feature.
01:45Their wallets.
01:47More capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as difficult to get your hands on.
01:51At least until now.
01:53For tonight they wish to discuss my inheritance.
01:57Hey, nonny nonny, my lord, good news.
02:00All right.
02:06Why have you got a piece of cheese tied to the end of your nose?
02:09To catch mice, my lord.
02:11I lie on the floor with my mouth open and hope they scurry in.
02:16And do they?
02:17Not yet, my lord.
02:19I'm surprised.
02:19Your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom ball.
02:23The only sort of mouse you're going to catch is one without a nose.
02:27That's a pity, because the nose is the best bit on a mouse.
02:30Any bit of a mouse will sing like luxury compared to what Percy and I must eat tonight.
02:33We are entertaining Puritan vegetable folk ballers, and that means no meat.
02:39In that case, I shall prepare my turnip surprise.
02:42And the surprise is?
02:44There's nothing else in it except the turnip.
02:47So another word for turnip surprise would be a turnip.
02:51Oh, yeah.
02:53Right.
02:54Get the door, Warwick.
02:55Get the door.
02:58Well, my lord, if things go as planned tonight, it would seem congratulations are in order.
03:02Nice try, Percy, but forget it.
03:03You're not getting a penny.
03:12Warwick, I would advise you to make the explanation you were about to give phenomenally good.
03:18You said get the door.
03:20Not good enough.
03:20You're fired.
03:22But, my lord, I've been in your family since 1532.
03:25So is syphilis.
03:26Now get out.
03:30By the way, there was a messenger outside when I got the door.
03:33Says the queen wants to see you.
03:35Lord Melchit is very sick.
03:37Really?
03:38Yeah.
03:38He's at death's door.
03:39Well, my faithful old reinstated family retainer.
03:43Let's go and open it for him, then.
03:45Oh, Edmund.
03:49Quick, quick.
03:50Melchit's dying.
03:52We must do something.
03:53Well, yes, of course.
03:54Some sort of celebration.
03:56Well, let's wait till he's actually snuffed it, shall we?
03:59Nancy's old methods don't seem to be working.
04:02Come on, little tummy.
04:04It all started last night at about 2 o'clock.
04:08I was tucked into bed having this absolutely scrummy dream about ponies
04:12when I was wakened by a terrific bagging from Lord Melchit.
04:16Well, I never knew he had it in him.
04:20It's true, I promise.
04:22He was banging on the castle gates and falling over
04:25and singing a strange song about a girl who possessed something called a dicky-died-o.
04:30Oh, yes.
04:32It's a lovely old hymn, isn't it?
04:34Well, now, I think I know what's wrong with Lord Melchit.
04:37And, unfortunately, it isn't fatal.
04:40Well, Harry, I'm a killer, horrible man.
04:41I'm fed up with him lying there moaning and groaning
04:44and letting off such great and fruits and flappy woof-woofs
04:47but can't believe one's tiny nose.
04:52The truth is, Lord Melchit just can't take his ale.
04:55No, I protest.
04:57I may be a little delicate this morning,
04:59but what I drank last night would have floored a rhinoceros.
05:02If it was allergic to lemonade.
05:04That guy there here who can't take his ale, he's famous for it.
05:07Oh, yeah?
05:07Yeah.
05:08Yeah.
05:08Oh, it's nasty. It's still exciting. The boys are getting tough.
05:11Well, I'm sure we all remember the shame and embarrassment
05:14of the visit of the King of Austria
05:16when Blackadder was found wandering naked
05:18among the corridors of Hempton Court
05:20singing I'm Merlin the Happy Pig.
05:23What did you have last night, then?
05:25A whole half pint of potato juice?
05:27On the contrary, I had two flagons of claret
05:30and a double helping of curried turtle.
05:32I can assure you it's no holds barred with us
05:34at the annual communion wine tasting.
05:36Annual?
05:36Oh, ha! For me and the wild boys, every night is drinky night.
05:40Says who?
05:41Says me.
05:41Says you?
05:42Yeah.
05:43You want to come around sometime?
05:44Have a look at the underside of my table.
05:47Salud!
05:49Tonight?
05:50Yeah, come on, Melty. What are you scared of?
05:52Perhaps you're right.
05:53Perhaps he's away. Time to wee.
05:55All right, then, tonight. I'll be there.
05:57Hooray!
05:59And last one under the table gets
06:0210,000 florins from the loser.
06:04Mum?
06:06Right.
06:07Well, I'll get the beer in, then.
06:08Wah!
06:14Mercy?
06:17Do you know what I'm going to do?
06:19What?
06:20I'm going to go along and find out
06:22exactly what happens at these boys' nights.
06:25Good idea, Poppet.
06:26And I'll wear a cloak with a cowl
06:29so no-one will recognise me.
06:31Oh, it's another good idea.
06:33You're so clever today,
06:35you'd better be careful your foot doesn't fall off.
06:41Does that happen when you have lots of brilliant ideas?
06:43Your foot falls off.
06:45It certainly does.
06:46My brother, he had this brilliant idea
06:48of cutting his toenails with a scythe.
06:51And here's what they're like.
06:55Right.
06:55Now, the sort of person we're looking for
06:57is an aggressive, drunken lout
06:59with the intelligence of a four-year-old
07:01and the sexual sophistication of a donkey.
07:06Cardinal Woolsey?
07:08Barak?
07:09My lord?
07:14Why?
07:16I got fed up with the all-mouse diet, my lord.
07:18I thought I'd try a cat for variety.
07:22Good.
07:22Well done.
07:23And now, returning to the real world,
07:25do you have a knife?
07:26Yeah.
07:26Good.
07:27Because I wish to quickly send off some party invitations
07:30and to make them look particularly tough,
07:32I wish to write them in blood.
07:34Your blood, to be precise.
07:36How much blood will you actually be requiring, my lord?
07:39Oh, nothing much.
07:40Just a small puddle.
07:42Well, you'll be wanting me to cut anything off,
07:44an arm or a leg, for instance.
07:46Oh, good lord, no.
07:47A little prick should do.
07:52Very well, my lord.
07:54I'm your bondsman and muster be.
07:56I forgot, St. Baldick,
07:58I might have a little prick on your finger.
08:00I haven't got one there.
08:02Oh, forget it.
08:03Forget it.
08:05Thank you, my lord.
08:07Right, now, purse.
08:08How's this list going?
08:09Oh, very well, indeed.
08:10I thought we could invite my girlfriend, Gwendolyn.
08:13Sorry, no chicks.
08:14Who else?
08:15Well, that's about as far as I'd got, actually.
08:18Right, I'll dictate.
08:19First, Simon Partridge.
08:21Oh, not farters, parters.
08:23Also known as Mr. Ostrich.
08:25Even he.
08:26But he's a fearful oik.
08:28Takes one to no wonder.
08:29Secondly, Sir Geoffrey Pittle.
08:33Well, here's to the health of Cardinal Chunder Pittle.
08:35The very same.
08:36And thirdly, Freddy Frobetter,
08:39the flatulent hermit of Lindisfarne.
08:41Oh, poor, poor.
08:43Right, that should do the trick.
08:45Oh, and of course, Lord and Lady White,
08:47I don't know who'll be coming anyway.
08:48Oh, yeah.
08:49Oh, no.
08:53I must say, Edmund,
08:54it does look a teeny bit like trying to get out of it.
08:57Quite the wrong impression, Mum.
08:59I just want to make it another night, that's all.
09:01Certainly not.
09:03I beg your pardon?
09:04Well, it's just one excuse after another, isn't it?
09:07Next thing, you'll be trying to get out of having his bath altogether.
09:10Yes, he told me about bath, yes.
09:12Well, he should be.
09:13How else is he going to keep clean?
09:16Soon he'll be saying he doesn't want to have his nappy changed.
09:21Lord Blackadder doesn't wear a nappy.
09:24Well, that case is even more important that he has a bath.
09:26What's wrong with this thing?
09:28I know why you want to get out of it,
09:30because I remember the last time you had a party.
09:33I found you face down in a puddle,
09:35wearing a pointy hat and singing a song about goblins.
09:37That's all right, all right.
09:39Tonight it is.
09:40Oh, Edmund.
09:41I do love it when you get cross.
09:44Sometimes I think about having you executed
09:46just to see the expression on your face.
09:51Right, now let's make sure you've got this.
09:54We are having two parties here tonight.
09:56Right.
09:56Right.
09:56And they must be kept completely separate.
09:58Right.
09:59Firstly, a total piss-up involving beer time,
10:02broken furniture and wall-to-wall vomiting
10:05to be held here in Baldrick's bedroom.
10:08Oh, thank you very much, Baldrick.
10:10And secondly, Percy will join me in here
10:13for the gourmet turnip evening.
10:16Is the turnip surprise ready?
10:18It's just, my lord.
10:22Then what is so funny?
10:24Oh, well, my lord.
10:25Well, Baldrick and I were preparing the turnip surprise.
10:29We had a surprise.
10:31We came across a turnip
10:32that was exactly the same shape
10:37as a thingy.
10:47Great big thingy.
10:49It was terrific.
10:51Size is no guarantee of quality, Baldrick.
10:54Most horses are very well endowed,
10:56but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers.
10:59I trust you have removed this hilarious item?
11:02Yes, yes, my lord.
11:04Good, because there's nothing more likely to stop an inheritance
11:06than a thingy-shaped turnip.
11:10Absolutely, Edmund.
11:11But it was jolly funny.
11:13Yes, yes, yes.
11:14I found it particularly ironic, my lord,
11:17because I've got a thingy
11:17that's shaped like a turnip.
11:19Yes.
11:21And quite a bit of an artist.
11:23Are you?
11:24Yeah, I hide in the vegetable rack
11:25and fry it in the children.
11:28What fun?
11:29Perhaps you've forgotten
11:30that I'm meant to be having
11:30a drinking competition here tonight
11:32with Lord Melchett
11:33and 10,000 florins are at stake.
11:36Oh, dear.
11:37What do you mean?
11:38Well, firstly, you haven't got 10,000 florins
11:41and thirdly,
11:42one drop of the ale
11:43and you fall flat on your face
11:44and start singing that song about the goblin.
11:46That's nonsense.
11:48But just in case it's true...
11:50It is true.
11:51Yes, all right, it's true.
11:53So the plan is,
11:54when I call for my incredibly strong ale,
11:57you must pass me water in an ale bottle.
11:59Have you got that?
12:00Yeah.
12:00When you call for ale,
12:02I pass water.
12:04Percy,
12:05your job is to stay here
12:06and suck up to my aunt.
12:08Well, I think you can trust me
12:09to know how to handle a woman.
12:11Oh, God.
12:13Right.
12:14Here goes.
12:19It's all right.
12:24Uncle!
12:25Aunt!
12:26Greetings!
12:26How nice it is to see you.
12:31Ricky, child, don't lie.
12:33Everyone hates us
12:34and you know it.
12:35Yes.
12:36Now, may I introduce my friend,
12:38Lord Percy?
12:40Well, well, well, Eddie.
12:42You didn't tell me
12:43you had such a good-looking aunt.
12:45Good morrow to thee, gorgeousness.
12:48I know what I like
12:50and I like what I see.
12:52For God's sake,
12:53you're not famous.
12:55Ah, yes.
12:56Well, I hope you had a pleasant inheritance.
12:58Did I say inheritance?
12:59I meant general.
13:01If you'd just like to help yourself to a legacy?
13:03No, a chair.
13:05Chair?
13:06You have chairs in your house?
13:09Oh, yes.
13:09Picky child!
13:11Chairs are an invention of Satan!
13:13In our house,
13:14Nathaniel sits on a spike.
13:17And yourself?
13:18I sit on Nathaniel.
13:20Two spikes would be an extravagance.
13:23Quite, quite.
13:24I will suffer comfort this once.
13:27We shall just have to stick forks
13:28in our legs between courses.
13:31I trust you remember
13:32we eat no meat?
13:33Heaven forbid, no.
13:35Here we feast only
13:36on God's lovely turnip.
13:38Mashed.
13:39Mashed?
13:40Yes.
13:41Wicked child!
13:42Mashing is also the work of Beanzibone.
13:45For Satan saw God's blessed turnip
13:48and he envied it
13:49and mashed it
13:50to spoil its sacred shape.
13:52I shall have my turnip
13:54as God intended.
13:56Fine.
13:57Warwick?
13:58Will you fetch my dear aunt
14:00a raw turnip, please?
14:01Well, we've only got the one.
14:02Just do it.
14:06So, Uncle,
14:07will you have your turnip mashed
14:09or as God intended?
14:11He will not answer you.
14:12He has taken a vow of silence.
14:15I believe that silence is golden.
14:28Inheritance.
14:30Edmund,
14:31I trust you have invited
14:32no other guests?
14:33Oh, certainly not.
14:34Good.
14:35For where there are other guests
14:36there are people to fornicate with.
14:38Well, fine.
14:40I'll just go and tell them
14:41to fornicate off.
14:42Lord,
14:43that's...
14:48Yes.
14:49Well,
14:50Lord Whiteheader,
14:51a vow of silence.
14:53That's quite an interesting thing.
14:56Tell me about it.
15:18But it's not my birthday,
15:21Archdeacon.
15:24Well,
15:25well,
15:25get stuck in, boys.
15:27Stuck in!
15:28Wahey!
15:29Get in!
15:30Well,
15:30it sounds a bit rude,
15:31doesn't it?
15:32Stuck in!
15:35Sorry,
15:35the back in a tick.
15:36Wahey!
15:37A tick, eh, lads?
15:38Now,
15:38that sounds a bit rude,
15:39doesn't it?
15:39That sounds a bit like
15:41bum!
15:43Ah,
15:44Meltzer's late,
15:45I see,
15:45to avoid the early drinking.
15:46Now,
15:47Meltzer,
15:48you really are a beginner.
15:49You're not even wearing
15:49a pair of comedy breasts.
15:51Au contraire,
15:52Berger.
15:54Let's wait till we get down
15:55to the serious drinking term,
15:56shall we?
15:56Here we go.
15:56No,
15:57this way.
15:58Here we are.
16:03Good evening.
16:05Lads,
16:05this is Lord Melchert.
16:08Give him a large one,
16:10will you?
16:10Large one?
16:11Wahey!
16:12Get it?
16:12No.
16:13Yes, you do.
16:14You large one.
16:15Sounds a bit rude.
16:17Oh,
16:17yes,
16:17large one!
16:18You may find the conversation
16:20a bit above your head
16:21at first,
16:21Meltzer,
16:21but you'll soon get used to it.
16:23Well,
16:24down the hatch.
16:26Wahey!
16:27Wahey!
16:28Wahey!
16:30Wahey!
16:31Wahey!
16:33Wahey!
16:34Wahey!
16:34Wahey!
16:38I heard it was a party room.
16:40No,
16:40yes,
16:41there were two,
16:41and you were invited to Tunaida.
16:42But I'm a friend of Lord Parsons.
16:44Oh,
16:45you must be Gwendolyn.
16:46You were invited anyway.
16:47Come in.
16:48Two.
16:48Very much.
16:50It's in here.
16:52Ah,
16:52you.
16:53Yeah.
16:54ah,
16:54ah,
16:54ah,
16:55ah,
16:56ah,
16:58ah,
16:59ah,
17:00ah,
17:01ah,
17:01ah,
17:01ah,
17:03ah,
17:07sorry,
17:07he's sick.
17:09Leprosy.
17:11Of the brain.
17:12What he is trying to tell you is that you appear to be wearing a pair of devil's dumplings.
17:21Oh, my God, my earmuffs have worn down.
17:26It's getting,
17:27would you like a pair?
17:28It's getting rather cold.
17:30No,
17:30thank you.
17:31Cold is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics.
17:35Well,
17:36right,
17:37which reminds me,
17:38auntie.
17:38Don't call me auntie.
17:40Aunties are relative,
17:41and relatives are evidence of sex.
17:43And sex is hardly a fitting subject for the dinner table.
17:47Or,
17:47or indeed,
17:48any table.
17:50Except perhaps the table in a brothel.
17:52Oh,
17:53yes,
17:54she seems to have fallen off your chair.
17:56Well,
17:56now,
17:56what was I saying?
17:57Oh,
17:58my God.
17:59Join it,
18:00my lady.
18:07Very good,
18:08very good.
18:11Don't you know,
18:12little handle?
18:13It takes me right back to our wedding night.
18:19We had raw turnips that night, too.
18:27What was that?
18:28What was what?
18:30That noise.
18:32Noise?
18:34Did you hear a noise,
18:35Percy?
18:35No.
18:36Good.
18:37Apart from that colossal drunken roar.
18:41That noise.
18:42Oh,
18:43it's the,
18:43it's the Catholics next door,
18:44I'm afraid.
18:45No!
18:46I'll,
18:46I'll just go and burn them.
18:47Back in a minute.
18:48Percy.
18:55Yes.
18:56I'm suffocating.
18:57Well,
18:57thank God you're not.
18:59Come on,
18:59now,
18:59now,
19:00take a deep breath.
19:02And another.
19:03Better?
19:04Yes.
19:04Good.
19:07Mind you,
19:08I'll say one thing for Catholics.
19:11They do have natural rhythm.
19:14Yes,
19:14yes,
19:15right.
19:17I notice you're not drinking,
19:18Bergerda.
19:19Oh,
19:19don't you worry about me,
19:20I'll see as I'm holding my own here.
19:22Wahey!
19:23Holding my own?
19:24Now,
19:24that sounds incredibly rude.
19:26Wahey!
19:28Yes,
19:29well,
19:29I never went to university,
19:30of course.
19:31Um,
19:31Bergerda,
19:32that doesn't explain why you're not drinking with us.
19:34Ah,
19:35yes,
19:35no,
19:35that's what I actually came to talk to you about.
19:37What do you say to the idea of ten minutes absolute silence
19:40to get some really serious drinking in?
19:44Yes,
19:45yes,
19:49I said,
19:49please give me silence,
19:50not drench me with dribble.
19:53Well,
19:54now,
19:54here's a nice glass of cider.
19:56Hmm?
19:56Oh,
19:57only cider.
19:58I'm going to go and put some brandy in it.
20:00Yes!
20:02Yes!
20:03Quiet!
20:04Bye, guys.
20:12Where are we all going then?
20:14Not well.
20:16Let us discuss your inheritance.
20:18Hi,
20:19it's good.
20:19Um,
20:20a little drink first?
20:21Drink,
20:22wicked child.
20:23Drink is urine from the last leper in hell.
20:26Oh,
20:26no.
20:27Now,
20:28this is only water.
20:29This is a house of simple purity.
20:40Drink booze up,
20:42Edmund!
20:51Do you know that man?
20:55No.
20:57He called you Edmund?
21:00Oh,
21:00no,
21:01him.
21:01Oh,
21:01yes,
21:01I do.
21:02Then,
21:03can you explain what he meant?
21:04Get my great booze up?
21:21Yes,
21:22I can.
21:23My friend
21:25is a missionary,
21:26and on his last visit abroad,
21:30brought back with him the chief of a famous tribe.
21:35His name is Great Boo.
21:39He's been suffering from sleeping sickness,
21:43and he's obviously just woken,
21:47because as you heard,
21:49Great Boo's up.
21:52Well done,
21:52well done,
21:52Edmund.
21:53And I think I'd better just go and visit him.
21:55First,
21:55over to you.
21:58Yes.
21:59How about
22:00some sort of game?
22:02How about a couple of frames of
22:03shove,
22:04piggy,
22:04shove?
22:07Blackadder,
22:08you challenged me
22:10to a drinking competition
22:11earlier today,
22:12and I haven't seen you touch a drop.
22:14Nonsense.
22:14It's true.
22:15You twist and turn
22:16like a twisty,
22:18turny thing.
22:19I say you're a weedy pigeon,
22:21and you can call me Susan
22:22if it isn't so.
22:24All right.
22:25Bordrick,
22:26fetch my incredibly strong ale.
22:29Oh,
22:29God,
22:30not Dr. McGlue's
22:31amber enema.
22:33Ha!
22:33A drink for school girls.
22:34Surely not
22:35scallops,
22:36lobster,
22:36scrumpy.
22:37No.
22:38It is Blackadder's
22:39bowel basher,
22:40a brew guaranteed
22:41to knock the backside
22:42off a concrete elephant.
22:43Is it not,
22:45Baldrick?
22:45No,
22:46it's water.
22:47What?
22:48Water?
22:50No,
22:51but seriously,
22:51Baldrick,
22:52in presuming you wish
22:52to see another dawn.
22:54You did call
22:55for your incredibly strong ale,
22:56Mum?
22:56Yes,
22:57that's right.
22:58Oh,
22:58that's a relief.
22:58I thought I'd made a mistake.
23:01Oh!
23:02God,
23:02it's right,
23:03it is,
23:03Walter!
23:04Oh!
23:04Come on,
23:05Dad,
23:05let's give him
23:06a real drink.
23:08Oh,
23:09fine.
23:09Bums up.
23:11Wave bums.
23:12Sounds a bit like
23:13bum,
23:13doesn't it?
23:14Drink,
23:15Blackadder.
23:16Drink!
23:20Badger!
23:28Percy?
23:30I lost the bet.
23:32Edmund,
23:33explain yourself.
23:37I can't.
23:38Not just like that.
23:41I'm a complicated person,
23:44you see,
23:44auntie.
23:45Sometimes I'm nice,
23:48and sometimes I'm nasty.
23:51Eh,
23:52and sometimes I just like to sing little songs,
23:56like,
23:58see the little goblin.
24:00I mean,
24:01explain why you're wearing a cardinal's hat,
24:04why you're grinning and aimly,
24:06and why you have an ostrich feather sticking out of your britches.
24:09I am wearing a cardinal's hat because I'm Cardinal Chander.
24:15I have an ostrich feather up my bottom,
24:18as Mr. Ostrich put it there,
24:21to keep in the little pixies.
24:25And I'm grinning inanely,
24:27because I think I've just about succeeded in conning you and your daft husband out of a whooppy great inheritance.
24:35Eeeeee!
24:36Is that right?
24:37May I remind you,
24:39cursed creature,
24:42that your inheritance depends upon your not drinking and not gambling.
24:46Oh, yes, damn.
24:47Percy the devil farts in my face once again.
24:51Not mentioning farts was also a condition.
24:56Shove off, you old trout.
24:59How dare you speak to my husband like that!
25:03Nathaniel, we're leaving.
25:06And you?
25:07Yes?
25:08Has anyone ever told you you're a giggling imbecile?
25:12Oh, yes.
25:17Good riddance, you old witch.
25:21Oh, she's forgotten her broomstick.
25:23Look,
25:24I just wanted to say thanks
25:27for a splendid evening.
25:30Yes, first rate, all round.
25:32Particularly your jester.
25:36By the way,
25:37I love the turning.
25:40Very funny.
25:42Exactly the same shape as a thingy.
25:47Good God!
25:50Well, look who it is!
25:52Who it is?
25:53Well, it's a boy's party.
25:55She's a girl.
25:56So she must be the stripper.
26:00Oh, no.
26:03Don't get too depressed, Edmund.
26:05I mean,
26:07money isn't everything.
26:10Think of clouds and daisies
26:14and the lovely smiles on little babies' faces.
26:18Be quiet, Percy.
26:19Oh, no.
26:20This way!
26:25Whoa, another stripper!
26:27Hooray!
26:28And a male stripper!
26:30Hooray!
26:31Oh, yes!
26:32This is much more like it!
26:35Oh!
26:36And she's come dressed as the queen!
26:40Hooray!
26:41And sex, dear!
26:43Do you know who I am?
26:46Yes, I know who you are.
26:50Who?
26:51You're Merlin, the happy pig.
26:54Hooray!
26:56Wrong, I'm afraid.
26:58I am the queen of England.
27:08I may have the body
27:09of a weak and feeble woman,
27:12but I have the heart and stomach
27:15of a concrete elephant.
27:18Prove it!
27:20Certainly well.
27:23First, I'm going to have a little drinky
27:25and then I'm going to execute the whole.
27:28Barely a lot of you.
27:34See the little goblin,
27:36see his little feet
27:37and his little nosy woes,
27:40isn't the goblin sweet.
27:41Yes!
27:42See the little goblin!
27:43Wait a minute!
27:44I'm sure there was something
27:45very important I had to do
27:47to all of you this morning.
27:49Hooray!
27:52Remember something
27:53about 10,000 florins, was it?
27:56I think it was something
27:57about an inheritance.
27:59Look, do you lot want to hear
28:01about this goblin or not?
28:03Yes!
28:04Right, well perhaps it's time
28:06I might be allowed to continue
28:07and perhaps finish
28:08with any luck.
28:11Luck?
28:13Hooray!
28:14Get it?
28:16Come on!
28:19Look!
28:20Sounds almost exactly like...
28:25I've got his fear
28:27The heart of losing
28:29He's not mastered
28:30And I, your merry balladier
28:34Am all so well and truly plastered
28:38Quicked, quicked, a bit like Robin Hood.
28:45Quicked, quicked, but nothing like it could.
28:52Quicked, quicked, I thought he had died.
28:59Quicked, quicked, a ride has must have died.
29:09Quicked, quicked, quicked...
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