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Edmund attempts to impress the Queen by embarking on his own voyage of discovery to the New World.
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00:28The Lone Ranger
00:42coming no it'll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience
00:56everybody's going don't exaggerate Percy I'm not going mrs. Miggins from the pie shop isn't
01:02going oh my lord you are cruel you know perfectly well that mrs. Miggins is bedridden from the nose
01:08down and besides she is honoring the occasion in her own special way by baking a great
01:14commemorative pie in the shape of an enormous pie what an imagination oh come on Edmund the
01:24greatest explorer of our age is coming home the streets have never been so gay women are laughing
01:30children are singing there's a man being indecently assaulted by nine foreign sailors and he's still
01:36got a smile on his face look Percy the return of Sir Walter oh what a big ship I've got
01:43here is a
01:44matter of supreme indifference to me look if you're not careful all the children will dance about
01:51outside your window singing sourpuss and grumpy face and you wouldn't want that now would you
01:56I believe I could survive it now Percy will you get out before I catch your head off scoop out
02:01the
02:02insides and give it to your mother as a barge what a plot the most absurdly dressed creature in
02:11Christendom with one exception Baldrick you look like a deer thank you my lord look a bit of a ducky
02:25yourself what do you want I was wondering if I might have the afternoon off of course not who do
02:32you think you are what Tyler you can have the afternoon off when you die I want to cheer brave
02:41Sir Walter home oh dear sir on a day like today I feel proud to be a member of the
02:46greatest kingdom in
02:47the world and doubtless many other members of the animal kingdom feel the same way will you shut up
02:56bloody explorers pumped off the mumbo-jumbo land with a tropical disease a suntan and a bag of brown
03:02lumpy things what was your uncle everyone's got a picture of them in the lavatory I mean what about
03:07the people who do all the work servants now me and the people who do all the work I mean
03:12look at this
03:13what is it I'm surprised you've forgotten my lord I haven't forgotten it's a rhetorical question
03:19no it's a potato
03:22to you it's a potato to me it's a potato but to Sir Walter bloody raleigh it's country estate fine
03:30carriages and as many girls as his tongue can cope with he's making a fortune out of the things
03:36people are smoking them building houses out of them they'll be eating them next
03:43stranger things have happened exactly that horse becoming pope for one
03:50probably some burke with a parrot on his shoulder selling plaster gnomes of Sir Francis Drake and his
03:57home behind
04:12and another thing why aren't you at school
04:15black widow started talking to yourself I see yes it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent
04:20conversation what do you want well I just looked in on my way to the palace to welcome Sir Walter
04:26home
04:26I wondered if you cared to accompany me I don't think I'll bother actually three hours of bluff seaman's
04:32talk about picking the weevils out of biscuits and drinking urine is not my idea
04:38as you wish servant my hat potato thanks I don't
04:45I see you haven't succumbed to this fad of dressing up like half allotment in Nottingham forest
04:51there you go model thank you
04:55you have
04:57it's probably just as well you're not coming back at it you're not very popular at court at the
05:01moment and the queen and I have yes well I can probably leave this till tomorrow okay
05:04no no no no no problem no I'll be coming with you obviously the queen and I are going to
05:08be the only ones
05:09well I'll be you but even vainly sensibly dress
05:10who is it
05:14melch in the lady
05:15but stop
05:17close your eyes
05:21now enter
05:25ahoy there me shiver a matey heave-o
05:31right, open your eyes
05:33er, thank you majesty and erm
05:38What's the matter, Melchie?
05:39Well, I beg your pardon, my lady.
05:41I was wanting to greet the gallant sailor who hallooed me as I came in.
05:48Bachancius hauled anchor and sailed away.
05:52No, it was me.
05:56Majesty, surely not.
05:58You utter creep.
06:04So, where's this barnacle-bottomed, haddock-flavoured bilge rat, sir?
06:10Rather a Wally Raleigh, then.
06:13I hear he's about as exciting as one of his potatoes.
06:17Blackhead is our frightful old lover, eh, Melchie?
06:21An indubitably no-see-dog, ma'am.
06:23With a yo-ho-ho and perhaps I might venture a bottle of rum into the bargain.
06:30It's him!
06:32Oh, God, do I look absolutely divine and regal
06:35and yet, at the same time, very pretty and rather accessible.
06:40You are every jolly jack-tower's dream, Majesty.
06:43I thought as much.
06:45If he's really gorgeous, I'm thinking of marrying him.
06:49Mum, is that not a little rash?
06:51I don't think so.
06:54It wouldn't be your first little rash if it was.
07:01Majesty!
07:04Splice me, Thomas-a-water!
07:06It's bucko to see you almighty!
07:10I'm sorry?
07:12She says hello.
07:15And, well, she might, for I have bought her gifts and dominions
07:18beyond her wildest dreams.
07:21Are you sure?
07:23Well, I have some pretty wild dreams, you know.
07:26I'm not sure what they mean, but the other day
07:28there was this enormous tree
07:30and I was sitting right on top of it.
07:32Mary.
07:33And then I read once that I was a sausage roll.
07:36Majesty.
07:39Sorry.
07:40So exciting.
07:42Don't know what I'm saying.
07:43Oh, come on, Sir Walter.
07:45I want to hear about absolutely everything.
07:48Then prepare to hear tales of terrible hardship,
07:52endurance and woe.
07:56We set sail from Plymouth
07:58in the spring of 1552.
08:02Oh!
08:05Do you remember Lord Blackadder?
08:08No.
08:09But I can see he is the sort of pasty landlubber
08:12I have always despised.
08:15Well, quite.
08:17Don't clout Sir Walter Edmund.
08:19Twice last week.
08:20I fought a man-to-man combat
08:22with a man with two heads
08:24and no body hair.
08:27Now, I'll warrant,
08:27the most exciting thing
08:29that has happened to that limpid prawn
08:31in a whole year
08:31was the day his servant
08:33forgot to put sugar in his porridge.
08:40Gosh, you've got nice legs.
08:42While I hold the six C's of the world
08:46in my hand,
08:47he couldn't even put six
08:48gobstoppers in his mouth.
08:51He's a complete no-hoper,
08:53isn't he, Walt?
08:54He's sat in here.
09:01My bedroom's just upstairs, you know.
09:04I apprehended Sir Walter
09:05that there were only seven seas.
09:07Ah, only numerically speaking.
09:11We sailors do not count
09:12the sea around the Cape of Good Hope.
09:15It is called the Sea of Certain Death
09:18and no sailor
09:19has crossed it alive.
09:21Well, well, well.
09:23What an extraordinary coincidence.
09:25What's an extraordinary coincidence?
09:28You know, it says that
09:28I was planning a jaunt
09:29around the Cape of Good Hope myself.
09:32I'm leaving a week on Thursday, I think.
09:35Really?
09:36Yeah, so now that, um...
09:38Sorry, I've forgotten your name.
09:40...has returned
09:41and the whole court smells of fish,
09:42I have half a mind to set off
09:43as half a mile.
09:44If you attempt that journey,
09:46you've no mind at all.
09:47Or perhaps a mind
09:48that knows no fear.
09:49Is that true, Edmund?
09:51Do you know no fear?
09:52Well, yes, I'd rather
09:53laugh in the face of fear,
09:55tweak the nose of terror.
09:57Gosh, Edmund,
09:58I've forgotten how dissy you are.
10:01You'd never dare.
10:03Why, round the Cape,
10:04the rain beats down so hard
10:06it makes your head bleed.
10:07So some sort of hat
10:08is probably in order.
10:13And great dragons
10:14leap from the water
10:16and swallow ships whole.
10:17I must have,
10:18I would have packed
10:18the larger of my two
10:19shrimping nets.
10:21Edmund,
10:22you're completely wonderful.
10:24If you do this,
10:26I'll probably marry you.
10:33Oh, yes,
10:35and who'll be your captain?
10:37To my mind,
10:38there's only one seafarer
10:40with few enough marbles
10:41to attempt that journey.
10:42Ah, yes,
10:42and who's that?
10:44Why,
10:44Rum, of course.
10:45Captain Redbeard Rum.
10:47Well done.
10:48Just testing.
10:49And where would I find him
10:51on a Tuesday?
10:52Well,
10:52if I remember his habits,
10:53he's usually up the old sea dog.
10:55Ah, yes,
10:56and where is the old sea dog?
10:57Well,
10:58on Tuesdays,
10:59he's normally in bed
11:00with the captain.
11:11Me laddie.
11:15Indeed.
11:16So,
11:17Rum,
11:17I wish to hire you
11:18and your ship.
11:19Can we shake on it?
11:20Ah,
11:21you have a woman's hand,
11:24me lord.
11:25I'll wager
11:26these dainty pinkies
11:28never weighed anchor
11:29in a storm.
11:30Well,
11:30you're right there.
11:31Ha,
11:32ha,
11:34skin,
11:35me lord.
11:37I'll wager
11:38it ne'er felt
11:38the lash of the cat
11:39being rubbed
11:40with salt
11:41and then flayed off
11:42by a pirate chief
11:43to make fine stockings
11:45for his best cabin boy.
11:47This is uncanny.
11:48I don't know how you do it,
11:49but you're right again.
11:50Why should I let a stupid cockle
11:52like you aboard me boat?
11:54Perhaps for the money
11:55in my purse.
11:56Ha,
11:57ha,
11:58you have a woman's purse.
12:02I'll wager
12:03that purse
12:04has never been used
12:05as a rowing boat.
12:06I'll wager
12:07it's never had
12:07sixteen shipwrecked mariners
12:09tossing in it.
12:11Yes,
12:12well,
12:13right again,
12:13Rum,
12:14I must say,
12:14when it comes
12:15to tales of courage,
12:16I can say I'm gonna have
12:17to keep my mouth shut.
12:18Oh,
12:19you have a woman's mouth,
12:21you know.
12:23I'll wager
12:23that mouth
12:24never had to chew
12:25through the side
12:25of a ship
12:26to escape
12:27the dreadful
12:27spindly killer fish.
12:29Yes,
12:29I must say,
12:30when I came to see you,
12:31I had no idea
12:31I was gonna have
12:32to eat your ship
12:33as well as hiring them.
12:34And since you're
12:35clearly as mad
12:36as a mongoose,
12:37I'll bid you for a while.
12:39Damn courtiers
12:39to the queen,
12:40you're nothing
12:41but lapdogs
12:42to a slip
12:42of a girl.
12:43Better a lapdog
12:45to a slip
12:46of a girl
12:47than a git.
12:51So you do
12:52have some spunk
12:54in you.
12:54Don't worry,
12:55laddie,
12:56I'll come.
12:57I'll come.
12:57Well,
12:58let us set sail
12:58as soon as we can.
12:59I will fetch
13:00my first mate
13:01and return
13:02as fast
13:02as my legs
13:03will carry me.
13:04Oh,
13:04you have a woman.
13:08I'll wager
13:09those at legs
13:10that have never
13:10been sliced
13:11clean off
13:12by a fallen sail
13:13and swept
13:14into the sea
13:15before your very eye.
13:16Well,
13:17neither of yours.
13:18That's where
13:19you're wrong.
13:21Oh,
13:22my God.
13:24Don't put it
13:24changing your mind
13:25now.
13:25Nobody else will come.
13:26The whole thing's
13:26suicide anyway.
13:27What's the first mate's
13:29name?
13:30Percy.
13:30An article cove?
13:32Yes.
13:33Well,
13:34he's a sort of
13:34wet fish.
13:37I'm not coming.
13:38I'm just not coming.
13:40I mean,
13:41of course,
13:41I'm very keen
13:42to go on the trip.
13:43It's just,
13:44unfortunately,
13:46I've got an appointment.
13:47Do have my nostrils
13:49plucked.
13:50Next year.
13:52Oh,
13:53I'm sorry,
13:53my lord.
13:53I thought it was
13:54because you were
13:54a complete coward.
13:57Don't be ridiculous,
13:58Baldrick.
13:59You know me.
14:00I mean,
14:01I laugh
14:02in the face
14:02of fear
14:03and tweak
14:04the nose
14:05of the dreadful
14:07spindly
14:07killer fish.
14:09I'm not
14:10one of your
14:11milksops
14:11who's scared
14:12out of his mind
14:13by the mere
14:14sight of water.
14:18It's all right.
14:19I admit it.
14:19I admit it.
14:19I'm terrified.
14:22You see,
14:23Baldrick,
14:24when I was a baby,
14:26I was savaged
14:27by a turbot.
14:32Oh,
14:32Baldrick,
14:33you can't think
14:33of a plan
14:33to get me out
14:34of this,
14:34can you?
14:35You can hide,
14:36my lord.
14:36Hide?
14:38Brilliant.
14:38Where?
14:46In the box.
14:48Which one?
14:51Perfect.
14:51All right.
14:55Let's practice.
14:56Right.
14:56Edmund comes in
14:57and says,
14:58hello,
14:58Baldrick.
14:59You haven't seen
14:59Percy,
15:00have you?
15:00And you say,
15:01no,
15:02my lord,
15:03I haven't seen
15:03him all day.
15:04Brilliant.
15:05Oh,
15:06my God,
15:06here he comes.
15:10Hello,
15:11Baldrick.
15:12Where the hell
15:12is that
15:12cretin Percy?
15:13You haven't seen
15:14him.
15:24Yes,
15:25my lord,
15:25he's hiding
15:26in the box.
15:29Come on,
15:30jelly brain.
15:32Hurry up,
15:32otherwise we'll
15:33miss the tide.
15:36Oh,
15:36Edmund,
15:37I'm so proud.
15:39You're just
15:39my complete
15:40hero.
15:41Oh,
15:42dear,
15:43I'm going
15:43all gooey
15:44now.
15:45Mum,
15:46I moved,
15:47and if during
15:47my journey
15:48I could believe
15:49that occasionally
15:49you did spare
15:50me a thought
15:51and perhaps
15:51go gooey
15:52again,
15:53I would
15:54deem my
15:54certain death
15:55a minor
15:56inconvenience.
15:58Oh,
15:59Ned,
16:01I've written
16:02a poem.
16:03Madam,
16:04I'm honoured.
16:08when the
16:09night is
16:10dark
16:10and the
16:12dogs go
16:13bark
16:14when the
16:16clouds are
16:16black
16:17and the
16:18ducks go
16:19quack
16:20when the
16:21sky is
16:22blue
16:23and the
16:23cows go
16:24moo.
16:27Think of
16:28lovely
16:29Queenie.
16:30She'll be
16:31thinking of
16:32you.
16:33brother.
16:34It's called
16:35Edmund.
16:37Shakespeare gave
16:38me a hand
16:38with the title,
16:39but the rest
16:40is all my
16:40own work.
16:42Tush and
16:42fie,
16:43my tiddly.
16:44You didn't
16:44always make
16:45such pretty
16:45speeches.
16:46Oh, Lord.
16:46She's with the
16:47twinkling of a
16:47toe since you
16:48could say
16:48nothing but
16:49Lizzie go
16:50plop,
16:50plop.
16:55I'm sure
16:56that Melchie
16:57and Wally
16:58want to say
16:59something as
17:00well.
17:00Oh, yes,
17:01indeed.
17:06Goodbye,
17:07Blackadder.
17:08I'd say
17:08bon voyage,
17:09but there's
17:10no point.
17:10He'll be
17:11dead in
17:11three months.
17:13I love
17:13you,
17:14Walter.
17:14I hope
17:14you know
17:14that.
17:18Farewell,
17:18Blackadder.
17:19The foremost
17:20cartographers
17:21of the land
17:21have prepared
17:22this for you.
17:22It's a map
17:23of the area
17:24that you'll
17:24be traversing.
17:28They'd be
17:29very grateful
17:30if you could
17:30just fill it
17:31in as you
17:31go along.
17:33Goodbye.
17:34Ah-ha!
17:36What's that?
17:36For two
17:37breamy hearties!
17:39The wind
17:40is in the
17:41sails,
17:42the oars
17:42are in the
17:43rocks,
17:44and we
17:45must away!
17:47Lady,
17:48it is my
17:48captain.
17:48Long on beard,
17:49short on legs.
17:51Oh,
17:52captain,
17:53I wish you
17:53luck from
17:54the bottom
17:55of my heart.
17:56You have
17:56a woman's
17:57bottom,
17:58my lady!
18:00I'll wager
18:01that sweet
18:02round pair
18:02of peaches
18:03has never
18:04been forced
18:05twixt two
18:05splintered planks
18:06to plug a leak
18:08and save a ship.
18:10It certainly
18:11hasn't,
18:11and I'm quite
18:12pleased about it.
18:14Anyway,
18:14what's wrong
18:15with women's
18:15bottoms?
18:16Not big
18:16enough,
18:17ma.
18:18Ah,
18:20mine might be.
18:23In that case,
18:24my little
18:24puddin'
18:25of delight,
18:26let's beat
18:26about the
18:27bush no longer.
18:28I know I'm
18:29only a bluff
18:30old cove
18:30with no legs
18:31and a beard
18:32you could lose
18:32a badger in,
18:33but if you'll
18:34take me,
18:35I'm willing
18:36to be captain
18:36of your ship
18:37forever.
18:38What do you
18:39say?
18:39No!
18:40Yes,
18:41please.
18:42I'll be back!
18:43We'll all
18:44be back!
18:46Ah!
18:47Then,
18:48then,
18:48this is it.
18:49Oh,
18:50have you
18:51got clean
18:52underwear
18:52and don't eat
18:53foreign food
18:54and watch out
18:55for strange
18:55men
18:56and discover
18:57me a country
18:58and bring me
18:59back a vegetable
18:59and all
19:01everything.
19:02Madam,
19:03I shall do
19:03all I can.
19:05Farewell!
19:08And,
19:09er,
19:10don't wait
19:10up.
19:14Gosh!
19:15Well,
19:16that's the last
19:17we'll see of him.
19:18In three months'
19:19time,
19:20he'll be
19:20dead as
19:20a dead
19:21dodo.
19:23Oh,
19:23Sir Walter,
19:24really.
19:25Oh,
19:25Sir Walter,
19:27really.
19:27I hope
19:28you're
19:28not
19:39joining us in the
19:40ha-ha,
19:41I suppose it?
19:42No.
19:44I'm thinking of
19:45England and the
19:46girl I left
19:46behind me.
19:47Oh,
19:47God,
19:48I didn't know
19:48you had a girl.
19:49Oh,
19:50yes,
19:50Lady Caroline
19:51Fairfax.
19:52Caroline?
19:53I didn't know
19:54you knew her.
19:55Oh,
19:55yes,
19:56I even
19:56touched her
19:57once.
19:59Touched her
19:59what?
20:02No,
20:02once,
20:03in a corridor.
20:05I've never
20:05heard her
20:06call that
20:06before.
20:07When you get
20:08home in six
20:09months,
20:09you'll be a
20:10hero.
20:11She might even
20:12let you get
20:12your hands on
20:12her twice.
20:14I fear not.
20:15Why not?
20:16Because we'll
20:17never get home.
20:18We're doomed.
20:20Doomed.
20:21Condemned to a
20:22watery grave
20:23with a captain
20:24who's legless.
20:25Rubbish!
20:26I've hardly
20:26touched a drop.
20:28No,
20:29no,
20:29I mean,
20:30you haven't got
20:30any legs.
20:31Oh,
20:31yes.
20:32You're right there.
20:33Carry on.
20:34Sorry.
20:35Sorry.
20:38We've got no
20:38hope.
20:39No hope
20:40of ever
20:40returning.
20:41On the
20:42contrary,
20:42we are
20:43certain to
20:43return.
20:44What?
20:45Because,
20:45my old
20:45salts,
20:46we are not
20:46going to
20:47the Cape
20:47of Good
20:47Hope at
20:48all.
20:48What?
20:49We are,
20:50in fact,
20:50going to
20:51France.
20:52France!
20:53Oh,
20:54but,
20:54Edmund,
20:55surely France
20:56has already
20:56been discovered
20:58by the French
20:59for a start.
21:00Precisely,
21:01it's a trick.
21:02We just
21:02camp down
21:03in the
21:03Dordogne
21:03for six
21:04months,
21:04get a good
21:04suntan.
21:05Come home,
21:06pretend we've
21:06been round
21:07the Cape
21:07and get
21:07all the
21:08glory.
21:08Hooray!
21:09A masterly
21:10plan,
21:11me young
21:11master,
21:12and one
21:12that needs
21:13me to
21:13make an
21:13announcement
21:14meself.
21:14What's
21:15that,
21:15Ron?
21:15Truth
21:15is,
21:16I don't
21:16know the
21:17weight of
21:17the Cape
21:17of Good
21:18Hope,
21:18anyway.
21:19Well,
21:20what are you
21:20going to
21:20do?
21:20Oh,
21:21what I
21:21usually do.
21:22Sail round
21:23and round
21:23the Isle
21:24of Wight
21:24till everyone
21:25gets dizzy.
21:25Then we
21:26set for
21:27home.
21:27You old
21:28rascal.
21:29Still,
21:29who cares?
21:30The day
21:30after
21:30tomorrow
21:31we
21:31shall
21:31be
21:32in
21:32Calais.
21:32Captain,
21:33set sail
21:34for
21:34France.
21:35Hooray!
21:39So,
21:40you don't
21:40know the
21:41way to
21:42France,
21:43are you?
21:45No!
21:46I must
21:47confess
21:47that too.
21:49Bugger!
21:55He's only
21:56been gone
21:56three days
21:57and I'm
21:57missing him
21:58already.
22:00Well,
22:00perhaps,
22:01Mum,
22:02I might
22:03amuse
22:03you still
22:04further
22:04with tales
22:05of my
22:05adventures.
22:06Like
22:06what?
22:08Perhaps
22:08you would
22:09like to
22:09hear the
22:10one about
22:10the mad
22:10pirate
22:11king
22:11whose
22:12crew
22:12consisted
22:13entirely
22:13of men
22:14called
22:14Roger.
22:15I did.
22:16Oh,
22:18well,
22:18maybe I
22:19could distract
22:20you with
22:21the tale
22:22of the
22:22time I
22:23fell into
22:23the water
22:23and was
22:24almost eaten
22:25by a
22:25hammerhead
22:25shark.
22:27Yes,
22:28all right,
22:28try that
22:29one.
22:30Well,
22:31Mum,
22:33I fell
22:34into the
22:34water and
22:35was almost
22:36eaten by a
22:37shark.
22:38And the
22:39funny thing
22:40is,
22:40its head
22:41was exactly
22:42the same
22:42shape as
22:43a hammer.
22:46God,
22:48you'd
22:48better come
22:49up with
22:49some
22:49presents
22:49or I'm
22:50going to
22:50go off
22:51explorers
22:51completely,
22:52you know.
22:53Mum?
22:54I want to
22:54tell you
22:54something else.
22:56Edmund
22:56was right.
22:57You do
22:58smell of
22:58fish.
22:59Hey!
23:01River!
23:02River!
23:02River!
23:04Look,
23:05there's no
23:05need to
23:06panic.
23:06Someone
23:06in the
23:07crew will
23:07know how
23:07to steer
23:08this thing.
23:09The crew,
23:10me lord?
23:12Yes,
23:12the crew.
23:14What crew?
23:16I was
23:17under the
23:18impression
23:18that it
23:18was common
23:19maritime
23:19practice
23:20for a
23:20ship to
23:21have a
23:21crew.
23:22Opinion
23:23is divided
23:23on the
23:24subject.
23:25Really?
23:26Yes!
23:27All the
23:27other captains
23:28say it is,
23:29I say it
23:30isn't.
23:31Oh,
23:32God,
23:32mad as
23:33a brush.
23:36Sir
23:37Walter's
23:37death warrant
23:38for your
23:38signature,
23:39Majesty.
23:40Oh,
23:40good.
23:42Any news
23:43of Edmund?
23:44Well,
23:45madam,
23:45if they're
23:46on course,
23:46they should
23:47be nearing
23:48the urine
23:49drinking stage
23:50by now.
23:52Don't be
23:53horrid,
23:53Melchie.
23:54Edmund
23:55would rather
23:55die.
23:56I fear
23:57that may
23:57be wishful
23:58thinking,
23:58Majesty.
24:04Enter.
24:07So
24:07soon?
24:09You
24:09said
24:10today
24:11yes,
24:12well,
24:13I'm not
24:13feeling very
24:14thirsty
24:14at the
24:14moment,
24:15am I?
24:15I had
24:16an egg
24:17cup full
24:17of stagnant
24:18water
24:18three weeks
24:18ago.
24:20Oh,
24:20all right,
24:21come on,
24:21let's get
24:21up.
24:22Shall we
24:23drink each
24:23other's or
24:24stick to our
24:24own?
24:26Sorry,
24:26sorry.
24:28No.
24:28Is Captain
24:29Rum joining us
24:30for this
24:30bring a sample
24:31party,
24:32or was he
24:32going to
24:32surprise one
24:33of?
24:34Oh,
24:34no,
24:34he's been
24:35sweeping his
24:35for ages.
24:36He says he
24:36likes it.
24:38Actually,
24:38come to think
24:39of it,
24:39he started
24:40before the
24:40water ran
24:40out.
24:42Oh,
24:43God.
24:43Well,
24:44let's get
24:44on with it.
24:48It's always the
24:48same,
24:49isn't it?
24:49You get all
24:49keyed up,
24:50and then
24:50you can't
24:50put it in.
24:54Well done,
24:55two bottles.
24:57All right,
24:57then pour it
24:58out.
24:58Come on.
24:59Then it
25:00should counter
25:00this drinking
25:01Baldrick's
25:02water.
25:02Say when.
25:03When?
25:08Down the
25:09hatch.
25:10Land
25:12Ahoy!
25:15Ha!
25:16France at
25:17last!
25:18I'm a young
25:19master,
25:20through fair
25:21wings and
25:22fine seamanship.
25:23Our vessel
25:23is once more
25:24edged up on
25:25the shores
25:26of old
25:26Blighty.
25:27Hooray!
25:28By lucky
25:28chance we
25:29have landed
25:29at Southampton
25:30Dock.
25:31Hooray!
25:32Very well.
25:33Last one up
25:34the old
25:34sea dog gets
25:35a lick of
25:35the cat.
25:38They look
25:39much like
25:40Southampton
25:40to me,
25:41my lord.
25:42What?
25:42All those
25:43streams of
25:43molten lava
25:44and that
25:45steamy
25:45mangrove
25:45swamp.
25:47And that
25:47crowd of
25:48beckoning
25:48natives rubbing
25:49their tummies
25:50and pointing
25:51to a large
25:51pot.
25:53Oh,
25:54God.
26:03Where are
26:04they now?
26:05Well,
26:05madam,
26:06if they
26:06haven't been
26:07eaten by
26:07cannibals,
26:08they should
26:09be back
26:09any minute
26:10now.
26:11Mars!
26:12And
26:13you're
26:14alive!
26:14Oh,
26:15yes.
26:16And your
26:17silly
26:17friend?
26:18Lord
26:18Percy
26:19Mum.
26:19And your
26:20monkey!
26:22But where
26:23is Captain
26:24Rum?
26:25Ah,
26:25bad news,
26:26m'lady.
26:27Rum is
26:28dead.
26:29No!
26:31Do not
26:32despair,
26:32good woman.
26:33He died a
26:34hero's death,
26:35giving his
26:36life,
26:36but his
26:37friends might
26:38live.
26:39And that
26:39his enemies
26:39might have
26:40something to
26:40go with
26:41their potatoes.
26:43Yes,
26:45your fiancée
26:46was only a
26:47third-rate
26:47sailor,
26:48but a
26:48first-rate
26:49second-course.
26:52However,
26:53we did
26:53manage to
26:53save something
26:54off him
26:54as a
26:55memento.
26:57So.
26:58Oh,
27:00my lucky
27:01stars,
27:02I shall
27:02wear it
27:03always to
27:03remind me
27:04of him.
27:07However,
27:07ma'am,
27:09I am
27:10now returned,
27:11and my
27:11mind
27:12cannot help
27:12remembering
27:13talk of
27:14wedding bells.
27:16No,
27:17I'm
27:17completely
27:18bored with
27:18explorers,
27:19and if you
27:20haven't brought
27:20me any
27:21presents,
27:21I'm going
27:21to have
27:22you
27:22executed.
27:23Ma'am?
27:24I only
27:25let Riley
27:25off because
27:26he blubbed
27:27on his
27:27way to
27:27the
27:27block.
27:29Presents,
27:30please.
27:31Ah,
27:31yes,
27:31ma'am.
27:32Um,
27:33yes.
27:34Well,
27:34there was
27:35one thing,
27:36ma'am.
27:36Good.
27:36A most
27:37extraordinary
27:38gift from
27:39the island
27:39paradise we
27:40visited.
27:40Hurry up.
27:42Ah.
27:45What is it?
27:47A stick.
27:49Is it a stick,
27:51Lord Blackadder?
27:51Yes, ma'am,
27:52but it is a
27:53very special
27:54stick because
27:55when you
27:56throw it
27:56away,
27:57it comes
27:58back.
27:59back.
28:00Well,
28:01that's no
28:02good,
28:03is it?
28:03Because when
28:04I throw
28:04things away,
28:05I don't
28:06want them
28:06to come
28:07back.
28:08You,
28:08get rid
28:09of it.
28:10Certainly,
28:10ma'am.
28:14What else have you
28:15brought?
28:16Um,
28:17yes,
28:17well,
28:18there was
28:18very little
28:18time,
28:19what with
28:19picking the
28:19weevils out
28:20of biscuits
28:21that's their
28:22death warrant.
28:26Oh,
28:27Edward,
28:27it's
28:28wonderful.
28:29But what
28:30about Melchia
28:31Raleigh?
28:31You must have
28:32brought something
28:32for them as
28:33well.
28:35Nursey's got
28:35her beard.
28:36I've got my
28:37stick.
28:38What about
28:39the two
28:40boys?
28:42Um,
28:43yes,
28:43yes,
28:44um,
28:45well,
28:46there was,
28:47ah,
28:48there was
28:48one thing,
28:49ma'am.
28:49Good.
28:50Um,
28:50a fine
28:51wine
28:52from the
28:53Far East.
28:54A first
28:54delicious
28:55beverage.
28:57Taste,
28:57boys,
28:58tell us
28:58what you
28:59think.
29:04Oh,
29:04it certainly
29:05has plenty
29:06of nose.
29:07Oh,
29:08yes,
29:08this is
29:08very familiar.
29:12I'm sure
29:12you'll be
29:13glad to hear
29:13that there
29:14is an
29:14inexhaustible
29:15supplier.
29:18Sir Francis and
29:20Sir Walter
29:21Head discovered
29:23new worlds
29:24and new
29:25nations.
29:26And though
29:27Blackadder
29:27thought the
29:28bed,
29:29he tried his
29:31hand of
29:31navigation.
29:33Blackadder,
29:35Blackadder,
29:36he saw the
29:38oceans move.
29:40Blackadder,
29:41Blackadder,
29:44he should have
29:45stayed at home.
29:47Blackadder,
29:49Blackadder,
29:50he heard the
29:52new world call.
29:54Blackadder,
29:56Blackadder,
29:57discovered
29:59borderline.
30:00Oh,
30:02oh,
30:03oh,
30:04oh,
30:08people
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