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00:02Fire, fire, fire, fire.
00:17I am right!
00:26I am right!
00:41Care for a smoke, sir.
00:42No, thank you. I'm, er...
00:45Private.
00:45Oh, thank you, sir.
00:50Oh, dash and blast all this hanging about, sir.
00:53I'm as bored as a pacifist pistol. When are we going to see some action?
00:57Well, George, I strongly suspect that your long wait for certain death is nearly at an end.
01:02Surely you must have noticed something in the air?
01:04Well, yes, of course, but I thought that was Private Baldrick.
01:07If you're not very much mistaken, soon we would last be making the final big push.
01:12That one we've been so looking forward to all these years.
01:15Well, hurrah with highly polished brass knobs on.
01:18About time!
01:25Hello, the Somme public baths. No running, shouting or piddling in the shallow end.
01:31Ah, Captain Darling.
01:34Tomorrow at dawn.
01:36Oh, excellent.
01:38See you later, then. Bye.
01:41Gentlemen, our long wait is nearly at an end.
01:44Tomorrow morning, General Insanity Melchit invites you to a mass slaughter.
01:49We're going over the top.
01:51Well, huzzah and hurrah!
01:53God save the king, rule Britannia, and boo sucks to Harry Hunt.
01:57Oh, to board it more precisely, you're going over the top, I'm getting out of here.
02:02Oh, no, God!
02:04It may be a bit risky, but it sure is blooming hell worth it, Governor.
02:07How can it possibly be worth it?
02:09We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which millions of men have died,
02:14and we've advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.
02:20Oh, but...
02:22But this time, an absolutely pause will break through.
02:24It's ice cream in Berlin in 15 days.
02:26Oh, ice cold in no man's land in 15 seconds.
02:30Now, the time has come to get out of this madness once and for all.
02:34What madness is that?
02:35Oh, for God's sake, George, how long have you been in the army?
02:38Oh, me? Oh, I joined up straight away, sir.
02:41August the 4th, 1914.
02:43Oh, what a day that was.
02:44Myself and the rest of the fellows leapfrogging down to the Cambridge recruiting office
02:48and then playing tiddlywinks in the queue.
02:51We'd hammered Oxford's tiddlywinkers only the week before,
02:53and there we were, off to hammer the bot.
02:56Trashingly superb bunch of blokes.
02:58Fine, clean-limbed.
03:01Even our acne had a strange nobility about it.
03:05Yes, and how are all the boys now?
03:07Oh, well, Jocko and the Badger bought it at the first Ypres, unfortunately.
03:11Quite a shock, that.
03:12I remember Bumfluff's housemaster wrote and told me that
03:16Sticky'd been out for a duck,
03:17and the gubber had snitched a parcel sausage end
03:20and gone goose over stump's frog side.
03:23Meaning?
03:25I don't know, sir, but I read in the Times that they'd both been killed.
03:29And Bumfluff himself?
03:30Copped a packet at Gallipoli with the Aussies.
03:33So did Drippy and Strangely Brown.
03:37I remember we heard on the first morning of the Somme
03:39when Titch and Mr. Floppy got gassed back to Blighty.
03:43Which leaves?
03:45Gosh, yes, I...
03:46I suppose I'm the only one of the Trinity Tiddlers still alive.
03:50Well, Lummi, there's a thought, and not a jolly one.
03:52My point exactly, George.
03:54A chap might get a bit miz.
03:55If it wasn't for the thought of going over the top tomorrow.
03:58Right, sir, permission to get weaving.
04:00Permission granted.
04:01Thank you, sir.
04:01All right.
04:02Captain B.
04:03This is a crisis.
04:04A large crisis.
04:06In fact, if you've got a moment,
04:07it's a 12-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall
04:11carpeting throughout, 24-hour portrait,
04:13and an enormous sign on the roof saying,
04:15this is a large crisis.
04:18And a large crisis requires a large plan.
04:21Get me two pencils and a pair of underpants.
04:25Right, Balric, this is an old trick I picked up in the Sudan.
04:29We tell HQ that I've gone insane,
04:32and I will be invalided back to Blighty before you can say,
04:35Wubble.
04:36A poor gormless idiot.
04:38Well, I'm a poor gormless idiot, sir,
04:41and I've never been invalided back to Blighty.
04:43Yes, Balric, but you never said, Wubble.
04:46Now ask me some simple questions.
04:48Right.
04:49What is your name?
04:51Wubble.
04:53What is two plus two?
04:55Oh, Wubble, Wubble.
04:57Where do you live?
04:58London.
04:59Eh?
04:59A small village on Mars just outside the capital city.
05:03Wubble.
05:04All the men present and correct, sir?
05:06Ready for the off, eh?
05:07I'm afraid not, Lieutenant.
05:09I'm just off to Hartlepool to buy some exploding trousers.
05:13Come again, sir?
05:14Have you gone barking mad?
05:16Yes, George, I have.
05:17Clack, clack, jibber, jibber, my old man's a mushroom, etc.
05:21Go send a runner to tell General Melchert that your captain has gone insane
05:24and must return to England at once.
05:26Sir, how utterly ghastly for you.
05:29I mean, well, you'll miss the whole rest of the war.
05:31Yes, very bad luck.
05:33Beep.
05:33Right.
05:34Beep.
05:36Now, Balric, I'll be back as soon as I can.
05:38Pa-pa.
05:40Whatever you do, don't excite him.
05:45Fat chance.
05:46I can't.
05:47Now, all we have to do is wait.
05:49Balric, fix us some coffee, will you?
05:51And try to make it taste slightly less like mud this time.
05:54Not easy, I'm afraid, Captain.
05:56Why is this?
05:56Because it is mud.
05:58We ran out of coffee 13 months ago.
06:00So, every time I've drunk your coffee since, I have in fact been drinking hot mud.
06:05With sugar.
06:08Which, of course, makes all the difference.
06:10Well, it would do if we had any sugar, but unfortunately we ran out New Year's Eve 1915.
06:16Since when?
06:17I've been using sugar substitute.
06:19Which is?
06:20Tandruff.
06:25Brilliant.
06:26Still, I could add some milk this time.
06:29Well, saliva.
06:31No.
06:32No, thank you, Balric.
06:34Call me Mr. Picky, but I think I'll cancel it.
06:38That's probably because you're mad, sir.
06:40Well, quite.
06:42Well, I didn't go down at all well, I'm afraid, sir.
06:45Captain Darling said they'd be along directly, but, well, you'd better be pretty damn doolally.
06:49Don't worry, George.
06:50I am.
06:51Okay.
06:51Okay.
06:53When they get here, I'll show them what totally and utterly bonk-a-rooney means.
06:57Wow.
06:58Well then, we've got bugger all to do except sit and wait.
07:01Well, I don't know, sir.
07:02We could have a jolly game of charades.
07:04Oh, yes.
07:05And a sing-along of musical hits like Birmingham Bertie and whoops Mrs. McGinsey all setting on my artichokes.
07:13Yes, I think bugger all might be rather more fun.
07:18Permission to ask a question, sir?
07:20Permission granted, Baldrick, as long as it isn't the one about where babies come from.
07:25Look, the thing is, the way I see it, these days there's a war on, right?
07:30And ages ago there wasn't a war on, right?
07:33So, there must have been a moment when there not being a war on went away, right?
07:39And there being a war on came along.
07:42So, what I want to know is, how did we get from the one case of affairs to the other
07:49case of affairs?
07:51Do you mean, how did the war start?
07:55Yeah.
07:57The war started because of the vile Hun and his villainous empire building.
08:02George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small
08:08sausage factory in Tanganyika.
08:10I hardly think that we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front.
08:14Oh, no. No, sir. Absolutely not.
08:18Man, it was a bicycle.
08:20I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich because he was hungry.
08:28I think you mean it started when the Archduke of Austro-Hungary got shot.
08:33No, there was definitely an ostrich involved, sir.
08:37Well, possibly. But the real reason for the whole thing was that it was just too much effort not to
08:43have a war.
08:43By gum, this is interesting. I always loved history. The Battle of Hastings, Henry VIII and his six knives, all
08:49that.
08:50You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war in Europe, two super blocs developed.
08:55Us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other.
08:59The idea was to have two vast opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent.
09:05That way, there could never be a war.
09:07But this is a sort of a war, isn't it, sir?
09:11Yes, that's right. You see, there was a tiny flaw in the plan.
09:15What was that, sir?
09:15It was bollocks.
09:21So the poor old ostrich died for nothing.
09:25Enter!
09:26Right, they're here.
09:28Baldrick, you keep him warm. I'll go and prepare the ground.
09:34Sir.
09:34George! How's the patient?
09:36Oh, it's touch and go, I'm afraid, sir. I really can't vouch for his behaviour.
09:40He's gone mad, you see. Stir-fry-crazy.
09:42I see. Is this genuinely mad?
09:44Oh, yes, sir.
09:46Oh, has he simply put his underpants on his head and stuffed a couple of pencils up his head?
09:51That's what they all used to do in the Sudan.
09:54I remember I once had to shoot a whole platoon for trying them.
09:58Well, let's have a look at him.
10:02And the other thing they used to do in the Sudan was to get dressed up like this and pretend
10:06to be mad.
10:08Well, don't let me catch you trying that one, Baldrick, or I'll have you shot, all right? Dismissed.
10:13Well, hello, sir. Didn't hear you come in.
10:15Well, now, Blackadder, they tell me you've gone mad.
10:19No, sir. No. Now must be a breakdown of communication.
10:22Someone obviously heard I was mad with excitement, waiting for the off.
10:25There you are, you see, darling. I told you there'd be a perfectly rational explanation.
10:30Right, George, have your chaps fall in.
10:32Very good, sir.
10:32Well, it's rather odd, sir. The message was very clear.
10:35Captain Blackadder gone totally tonto.
10:37Brings straitjacket for immediate return to blight.
10:40Don't be ridiculous, darling.
10:42The hero of Mboto Gorge, mad?
10:45We've only got to look at him because he's as sane as I am.
10:50Would that be the Mboto Gorge where we massacred the peace-loving pygmies of the Upper Volta
10:54and stole all their fruit?
10:57No, a totally different Mboto Gorge.
11:00No.
11:02Cup of coffee, darling.
11:08Baldrick, do the honours.
11:09Sir.
11:10Sugar, sir?
11:11Three lumps.
11:14Think you can manage three lumps, Baldrick?
11:17I'll rummage round and see what I can find, sir.
11:21Maybe get a milky one.
11:23Going up, sir.
11:25Hello.
11:26George, you must have been delighted to hear the news of the big push.
11:29Absolutely, sir.
11:30Our chance to show the hum that it takes more than a pointy hat and bad breath to defeat the
11:34armors of King George.
11:35That's the spirit.
11:42There you are, sir.
11:44Ah, cappuccino.
11:51Have you got any of that brown stuff you sprinkle on the top?
11:54Well, I'm sure I could...
11:56No.
11:57No.
11:58Catch up!
12:00Ah!
12:01Oh.
12:03Fine body of men you've got out there, Blackadder.
12:06Yes, sir.
12:07Shorty to become fine bodies of men.
12:10Ah, nonsense you'll pull through.
12:12Oh, ha, ha.
12:13I remember when we played the old Horovians back in 96, they said we'd never break through to their back
12:17line, but we ducked and we bobbed and we wove and we damn well won the game 15-4.
12:23Yes, sir, but the Harrow fullback wasn't armed with a heavy machine gun.
12:27Well, that's a good point.
12:28Make a note, darling.
12:29Sir.
12:30Recommendation for the Harrow governors.
12:32Heavy machine guns for fullbacks.
12:34Nice idea, Blackadder.
12:36Now then, soldier.
12:37You looking forward to giving those Frenchies a damn good licking?
12:41No, sir.
12:42It's the Germans we should be licking, sir.
12:44Don't be revolting, darling.
12:48I wouldn't lick a German if he was glazed in honey.
12:53Now then, soldier.
12:54Do you love your country?
12:56Certainly do, sir.
12:57Do you love your king?
12:58Certainly don't, sir.
13:00And why not?
13:01My mother told me never to trust men with beards, sir.
13:04Ha, ha, ha, ha.
13:06Excellent native cockney wit.
13:09Well, best of luck to you all.
13:12Sorry I can't be with you, but obviously there's no place at the front for an old general with a
13:16dicky heart and a wooden bladder.
13:18By the way, George, if you want to accompany me back to HQ and watch the results as they come
13:23in, I think I can guarantee a place in the car.
13:25Oh, no, thank you, sir.
13:26I wouldn't miss this show for anything.
13:28I'm as excited as a very excited person who's got a special reason to be excited, sir.
13:33Excellent.
13:34Well, chuff-chuff then.
13:35See you all in Berlin for coffee and cakes.
13:38Well.
13:43What is the matter with you today, darling?
13:46I'm so sorry, Blackadder.
13:48Come on, darling.
13:49We're leaving.
13:50I don't, sir.
13:51I'm glad you're not barking anymore.
13:53Well, thank you, George.
13:54Although quite clearly you are.
13:56You were offered a way out and you didn't take it.
13:58Oh, absolutely not, sir.
13:59Now I can't wait to get stuck into the Bosch.
14:02You won't have time to get stuck into the Bosch.
14:04We'll all be cut to pieces by machine gun fire before we can say charge.
14:10Right, so what do we do now?
14:12Shall I do my war poem?
14:13How hurt would you be if I gave the honest answer, which is, no, I'd rather French kiss a skunk.
14:21So would I, sir.
14:27All right, fire away, Bournemouth.
14:30Hear the words I sing.
14:33War's a horrid thing.
14:35So I sing, sing, sing.
14:39Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
14:42Oh, brother!
14:44Yes!
14:46Well, it started badly and it tailed off a little in the middle.
14:50And the less said about the end, the better.
14:52But apart from that, excellent.
14:55Oh, shall I do another one then, sir?
14:56No, we wouldn't want to exhaust you.
14:57No, don't worry.
14:58I could go on all night.
14:59Not with a bayonet through your neck, you could.
15:02This one is called the German Guns.
15:06Oh, sniffing.
15:06Yes, let's hear that.
15:09Boom, boom, boom, boom.
15:14Boom, boom, boom.
15:18Boom, boom, boom, boom.
15:21Boom, boom, boom?
15:23How did you guess, sir?
15:25I have to say, sir, that is spooky.
15:27I'm sorry, I think I've got to get out of here.
15:29Look, I have a cunning plan, sir.
15:33All right, Bordrick, for old time's sake.
15:35Well, you phone Field Marshal Haig, sir,
15:38and you ask him to get you out of here.
15:42Bordrick, even by your standards, it's pathetic.
15:45I've only ever met Field Marshal Haig once.
15:47It was 20 years ago.
15:48And my God, you've got it.
15:51You've got it.
15:52Well, if I've got it, you've got it too, no?
15:56I can't believe I've been so stupid.
15:59One phone call will do it.
16:01One phone call and I'll be free.
16:03Let's see, it's 3.30 a.m.
16:04I'll call about quarter to six.
16:07Excellent, excellent.
16:08Well, I'll get packing.
16:10You know, I won't half-miss you, chaps, after the war.
16:13Don't worry, Lieutenant. I'll come visit you.
16:16Oh, really? Oh, bravo, yes.
16:18Jump into the old jalopy and come down and stay in the country.
16:21We can relive the old times.
16:22What, dig a hole in the garden, fill it with water,
16:25and get your gamekeeper to shoot at us all day?
16:29You know, that's the thing I don't really understand about you, Captain.
16:32You know, I mean, you're a professional soldier,
16:33and yet, sometimes you sound as if you very well haven't enjoyed soldiering at all.
16:37Well, you see, George, I did like it.
16:39Back in the old days, when the prerequisite of a British campaign
16:42was that the enemy should, under no circumstances, carry guns.
16:46Even spears made us think twice.
16:49The kind of people we liked to fight were two feet tall and armed with dry grass.
16:54Oh, now, come off it, sir. What about Mvoto Gorge, for heaven's sake?
16:57Yes, that was a bit of a nasty one.
16:59Ten thousand Watusi warriors, armed to the teeth with kiwi fruit and guava hard.
17:06After the battle, instead of taking prisoners, we simply made a huge fruit salad.
17:11Now, when I joined up, I never imagined anything as awful as this war.
17:16I'd had 15 years of military experience, perfecting the art of ordering a pink gin,
17:21and saying, do you do it doggy-doggy in Swahili?
17:26And then, suddenly, four and a half million heavily armed Germans opened to view.
17:30It was a shock, I can tell you.
17:32I thought it was going to be such fun, too. We all did.
17:35Joining the local regiment and everything.
17:38The Turnip Street Workhouse Pals was great, I'll never forget it.
17:43It was the first time I ever felt really popular.
17:46Everyone was cheering, throwing flowers.
17:49Some girl even come up and kiss me.
17:51Poor woman, first casualty of the war.
17:54I loved the training.
17:55All we had to do was bayonet sacks full of straw.
17:59Even I could do that.
18:00I remember saying to my mum,
18:01these sacks will be easy to outwit in a battle situation.
18:06And then, shortly after, we all met up, didn't we?
18:10Just before Christmas 1914.
18:12Yes, that's right.
18:13I'd just arrived, and we had that wonderful Christmas truce.
18:16Do you remember, sir?
18:17We could hear Silent Night drifting across the still, clear air of No Man's Land.
18:22And then they came, the Germans, emerging out of the freezing night mist, calling to us.
18:26And we clambered up over the top and went to meet them.
18:30Both sides advanced more during one Christmas piss-up than they managed in the next two and a half years
18:35of war.
18:36Do you remember the football match?
18:38Remember it? How could I forget it?
18:40I was never offside. I could not believe that decision.
18:45And since then, we've been stuck here for three flipping years.
18:49We haven't moved. All my friends are dead.
18:53My pet spider, Sammy.
18:56Katie the worm.
18:58Bertie the bird.
19:00Everyone except Neville the fat hamster.
19:03I'm afraid Neville bought it too, Boris.
19:07I'm sorry.
19:08Neville gone, sir.
19:10Actually, not quite gone. He's in the corner banging up the sink.
19:14Oh, no.
19:17It didn't have to happen, sir.
19:18If it wasn't for this terrible war, Neville would still be here today, sniffling his little nose and going eek.
19:26On the other hand, if he hadn't died, I wouldn't have been able to insert a curtain rod in his
19:30bottom and use him as a dish mop.
19:33What can't we just stop, sir?
19:35What can't we just say, no more killing, let's all go home?
19:39Why would it be stupid just to pack it in, sir? Why?
19:42Now, look here, you just stop that conchy talk right now, Private.
19:47It's absurd, it's Bolshevism, and it wouldn't work anyway.
19:50Why not, sir?
19:52Why not?
19:54Why wouldn't it work?
19:56It wouldn't work, Private. It wouldn't work because...
19:59Now, you just get on with polishing those boots, all right?
20:02And let's have a bit less of that lip.
20:05I think I managed to crush the mutiny there, sir.
20:09I ought to think, sir, in just a few hours we'll be off.
20:12No, of course, not that I won't miss all this, sir, but...
20:14I mean, we've had some good times, we've had some damnably good laughs, eh?
20:19Yes, can't think of any specific ones.
20:25Darling!
20:26Sir!
20:29Can't sleep either, eh?
20:31No, sir.
20:33Thinking about the push, sir.
20:36Hoping the boss will forget to set their alarm clocks oversleep
20:38and still be in their pyjamas when our boys turn up, sir.
20:41Yes, yes.
20:44I've been thinking too, darling.
20:47Sir?
20:47You know, over these last few years, I've come to think of you as a sort of son.
20:52Not a favourite son, of course.
20:55Lord, no.
20:56More a sort of illegitimate backstair sort of sprog, you know.
21:00A sort of spotty squint that nobody really likes.
21:04But nonetheless, still fruit of my overactive loins.
21:08Thank you, sir.
21:09And I want to do what's best for you, darling.
21:11So I've given it a great deal of thought.
21:14And I want you to have this.
21:18A postal order for ten shillings.
21:20Oh, no. Sorry.
21:22That's my godson's wedding present.
21:25Here.
21:27Ah, no, sir. This is a commission for the front lines.
21:30Yes.
21:32I've been awfully selfish, darling.
21:35Keeping you back here instead of letting you join in the fun days.
21:39This will let you get to the front line immediately.
21:43But...
21:44But, sir, I don't want to...
21:46To leave me?
21:48I appreciate that, darling.
21:50But dammit, I'll just have to enter Berlin without someone to carry my feathery hat.
21:54No, sir. I don't want to go into battle.
21:57Without me?
21:58I know.
21:59But I'm too old, darling.
22:01I'm just gonna have to sit this one out on the touch line with the half-time oranges
22:05and the fat wheezy boys with a note from Matron.
22:08While you young bloods link arms and go together for the glorious final scrum-down.
22:13No, sir.
22:14You're...
22:15You're not listening, sir.
22:18I'm begging you.
22:19Please.
22:20For the sake of all the times I've helped you with your dicky-bows and your dicky-bladder.
22:25Please.
22:27Don't make me...
22:28Make you go through the farewell de-bagging ceremony in the mess.
22:31Ha-ha.
22:32No, I've spared you that, too, you touchingly sentimental young gooby.
22:37Look, no fuss, no bother. The driver is already here.
22:43Do I...
22:44No, no, not a word, Kevin.
22:46I know what you want to say.
22:48I know.
22:50Goodbye, Kevin darling.
22:54Goodbye, sir.
22:57It's not raining at last, sir, begging your pardon.
23:00Looks like we might have a nice day for it.
23:02Yes, it's nearly morning.
23:04Good Lord.
23:04So it is. Right.
23:05Time to make my call.
23:12Hello.
23:13Phil Marshall, Sir Douglas Haig, please.
23:15Yes, it's urgent.
23:17Haig?
23:18Hello, Sir Douglas.
23:19Who is this?
23:20Captain Blackadder, sir.
23:22First while of the 1945th East African Rifles.
23:25Good Lord.
23:26Blacky.
23:27Yes, sir.
23:28Haven't seen you since...
23:2992, sir.
23:30On Boto Gorge.
23:32By Jingo, yes.
23:33We sure gave those pygmies a good squashing.
23:36We...
23:36We certainly did, sir.
23:38And you remember...
23:39Oh, my God, yes.
23:40You saved my damn life that day, Blacky.
23:43If it weren't for you, that pygmy woman with the sharpened mango could have sealed the sleeve.
23:46Well, exactly.
23:47And you remember then that you said that if I was ever in real trouble, if I ever really needed
23:51a favour,
23:52that I was to call you and you'd do everything you could to help me?
23:55Yes, yes, I do.
23:57And I'd stick by it.
23:59You know me.
23:59Not a man to change my mind.
24:01No, we've noticed that.
24:03So, what do you want?
24:04Spit it out, man.
24:05What is it, sir?
24:06It's the big push today, and I'm not all that keen to go over the top.
24:11Oh, I see.
24:14Well...
24:14It was a viciously sharp slice of mango, wasn't it, sir?
24:19Well, this is most irregular, but, um...
24:23All right, if I do fix it for you, I never want to hear from you again. Is that clear?
24:29Suits me, Dougie.
24:32Very well. Listen carefully, blackadder.
24:34I won't repeat this.
24:35Put your underpants on your head and stick two pencils up your nose.
24:39They'll think you're crazy and send you home.
24:41Right, favour returned.
24:46I think the phrase rhymes with clucking bell.
24:54Does that mean you'll be going over the top now, sir?
24:59Field Marshal.
25:01Well, not quite, blackadder.
25:04At least, not yet.
25:06No, I just wanted to let you know that I've sent a little surprise over for you.
25:11Sir.
25:14Captain Darling.
25:16Captain Blackadder.
25:18Here to join us for the last waltz?
25:21Um, yes.
25:23Tired of folding the general's pajamas.
25:27Well, this is splendid comradely news.
25:30Together we'll fight for king and country and be sucking sausages in Berlin by tea time.
25:35Yes, I hope their cafes are well stocked.
25:37Everyone seems determined to eat out the moment they arrive.
25:42No, really, this is brave, splendid and noble.
25:46Sir?
25:47Yes, Lieutenant.
25:49I'm scared, sir.
25:52I'm scared too, sir.
25:53I mean, I'm the last of the tiddly-winking leapfroggers from the golden summer of 1914.
25:59I don't want to die.
26:01Really, not over keen on dying at all, sir.
26:04How are you feeling, darling?
26:09Um, not all that good, Blackadder.
26:13Rather hoped I'd get through the whole show.
26:15Go back to work at Pratt & Sons.
26:18Keep wicked for the Croydon gentleman.
26:21Married Doris.
26:24Made a note in my diary on the way here.
26:27Simply says...
26:28Bugger.
26:30Well, quite.
26:32Come on, come on.
26:33Let's move.
26:35Fixed.
26:36Mayonnaise.
26:39Don't forget your stick, Lieutenant.
26:41Wouldn't want to face a machine gun without this.
26:53Listen.
26:54Our guns have stopped.
26:56You don't think...
26:57Maybe the war's over.
26:59Maybe it's peace.
27:01Oh, hurrah!
27:02The big knobs have got round the table and yanked the iron out of the fire.
27:06Thank God.
27:07We lived through it.
27:09The Great War, 1914 to 1970.
27:13Hip, hip!
27:14Hooray!
27:15I'm afraid not.
27:17The guns have stopped because we're about to attack.
27:21Not even our generals are mad enough to shell their own men.
27:23They think it's far more sporting to let the Germans do it.
27:27We are, in fact, going over.
27:29This is, as they say, it.
27:31I'm afraid so.
27:32Unless I can think of something very quickly.
27:36Company!
27:37One!
27:38Pace!
27:38Forward!
27:39One!
27:41Oh, there's a nasty splinter on that ladder, sir.
27:43A bloke could hurt himself on that.
27:45Stand ready!
27:48I have a plan, sir.
27:50Really, Bullrick?
27:51A cunning and subtle one?
27:53Yes, sir.
27:54As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?
27:58Yes, sir.
28:00On the signal, Company will advance!
28:03Well, I'm afraid it'll have to wait.
28:05Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be
28:09mad.
28:10I mean, who would have noticed another madman round here?
28:15Good luck, everyone.
28:16Good luck!
28:21Good luck, sir.
28:25Good luck.
28:26Good luck!
28:35Good luck!